Skin Deep
by BensonFan711
Summary: A/U, Post-Undercover. Color is only skin deep, right? Olivia and Fin are about to find out that not everyone believes this. What tragedies await for these two at the hands of total strangers?
1. Chapter 1

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 1**

_**Present Day**_

A bright, pink plus sign. Olivia stared at the white stick in her hand as she sat on the closed seat of the toilet. Plus. Her stomach fluttered as she stared in disbelief. It was staring back at her, all of her hopes, dreams and fears were wrapped up in that one little, tiny symbol. A knock on the bathroom door jarred her from her thoughts.

"You gonna be in there all day?" came the slightly irritated voice of her husband, Fin.

"Just a few more seconds!" Olivia yelled. She tossed the stick, along with the box and the instructions into the bathroom trash, sealed up the bag and carried it out with her. "All yours," she said, forcing a smile on her face as she surrendered the bathroom. She deposited the bag in the larger kitchen garbage can before knocking on the second door to the apartment.

"Tina! Are you dressed yet?" Olivia called to her three-year-old daughter. Tina, newly proficient at dressing herself had developed an independent streak lately, insisting that she get dressed all by herself. Wanting to encourage her daughter's independence, Olivia allowed the child an attempt before saying anything.

"Ready, Mommy!" Tina said, flinging open the bedroom door. She had dressed herself in her favorite pink T-shirt with Cinderella on the front, red pants, and her favorite orange sandals. Olivia glanced outside at the snow falling and chuckled.

"Honey, you can't wear that today," Olivia explained calmly. The little girl's lower lip quivered slightly.

"Don't I look pretty?" Tina asked.

"You look stunning, but it's snowing. You'll freeze in those clothes, and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?" Olivia asked. "Come on, let's find something that you'll be more comfortable in," she added, ushering Tina back into her bedroom. Olivia, with Tina's help, selected jeans, a bright pink sweater with purple butterflies, and black snow boots. Olivia pulled Tina to sit in front of her on the bed as she gently teased the knots out of her hair with a comb.

"What are we doing with your hair today?" Olivia asked.

"Ponytails," Tina answered. Olivia gathered the hair on either side of Tina's head and secured the pigtails with matching pink hair ties. Tina's hair was so different from her own that she struggled to figure out how to manage it, but she was learning. Little by little, it was starting to look more like something stylish and less like an Afro.

"Ok, Little Miss, go brush your teeth and then come get your breakfast," Olivia said, ushering her daughter towards the bathroom while she headed towards the small kitchen of their 2-bedroom apartment.

"Good morning," Fin said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as she pulled cereal bowls from the cupboard. He nuzzled her neck, gently kissing her.

"Hey, yourself," Olivia replied, enjoying the moment briefly. It had been four years since they married, and Fin was still as crazy about her as he was on their wedding day. His lips traveled closer to the spot on her neck that was guaranteed to cause a verbal reaction, and was rewarded with the gentlest of moans.

"What's with you this morning?" Olivia asked.

"What, I can't kiss my beautiful wife?" Fin asked, feigning innocence, but refusing to remove his arms from her waist. She turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck, pausing for a proper kiss.

"Of course you can, but if we keep this up, we're going to be late, and I'm not about to listen to Cragen lecture us for the third time this month," Olivia said. Reluctantly, he let her go, giving her a friendly swat on the ass.

"Hey! Watch it, or you won't get any play time later," Olivia mocked.

"Tina ready yet?" he asked, retrieving the cereal and milk while Olivia searched for three clean spoons.

"Brushing her teeth. Tina!" Olivia yelled. No sound. Olivia's face twisted into a look of deep concentration.

"What?" Fin asked.

"It's too quiet," she replied, already heading for the bathroom. She arrived in the doorway just in time to see Tina sticking her toothbrush under the automatic toothpaste dispenser. In the sink below her, a small mountain of blue gel had formed a small pile, and while Tina was using her right hand to dispense more toothpaste, she was busy smearing the gel around the sink with her left.

"Oh, Tina," Olivia sighed. "Fin! I need paper towels!" she yelled towards the kitchen. Olivia pulled Tina away from the sink. "How many times have we talked about this? If you can't do it nicely, then you won't be allowed to do it by yourself anymore, is that what you want?" Olivia explained calmly, but sternly.

"What's wrong, Liv…oh, no," Fin asked, appearing with a roll of paper towels, stopping his question at the sight of the mess in front of him. Olivia handed Tina to Fin and took the roll of paper towels from him.

"Here, take her to our bathroom and clean her up," she said, ripping off a length of the towels and doing her best to scoop the excess toothpaste into the bathroom trash can. Several minutes later, both bathrooms, and Tina, were clean and breakfast was served.

XxXxX

_**Five years ago… **_

"What happened in the basement?" Elliot Stabler asked softly, leaning over Olivia's desk. She paused as a haunted look briefly flashed through her eyes. All these years working with sexual assault victims, and she just couldn't bring herself to discuss her own attack, even with the man who she would lay her life down for.

"Nothin'. I'm fine, El," she answered, shuffling the files on her desk. Elliot knew better than that, but he didn't want to push her. He knew that she would come to him when the time was right. As much as she wanted to spill everything to him, whenever she tried, something always held her back. She couldn't force her voice to form the words, no matter how hard she tried. She felt she owed him some sort of explanation, but she saw the same look he gave all of the other victims they worked with. Pity. And she'd be damned before she'd take his pity.

But that evening, she sat at home with her feet drawn up on the sofa, wrapped tightly in a blanket feeling the same, familiar, hollow feeling she had felt every night since her encounter with Harris. She wanted to cry, but her eyes wouldn't form the tears. She wanted to scream, but her vocal cords wouldn't vibrate. She wanted to drink herself into oblivion, but she didn't have the energy to go to the liquor cabinet and get a bottle of bourbon. At times, she wanted to eat her gun, but she didn't have the courage to pull the trigger. So, she sat. Alone and silent, watching the minutes tick by on the clock. Turning on the television made her jumpy because she couldn't hear the subtle sounds of the building to know if anything was amiss. Night after night she kept this vigil over herself, gun and cell phone close by.

A knock. Olivia's heart leapt in her chest. Her mind immediately went to Harris, even though she knew that he was safely tucked away in prison. Still, her right hand flew to her gun as she went towards the door. She glanced through the peephole and relaxed when she saw the figure at the door.

"Hey…" she said, swinging to door open, suddenly exhausted again.

"How are you holding up?" Fin asked.

"I'm fine," she answered. It had become a mantra of sorts. If she kept saying it, maybe it would come true.

"Like hell you are," Fin answered, crossing the threshold. She searched his eyes for…something. She didn't want Elliot's pity, and she didn't want Fin's. But what she saw wasn't pity; it was compassion. She didn't need to tell him what happened because he had been there. He already knew, and somehow, that made him safe, safer than Cragen, Munch, or even Elliot. "What did you eat for dinner?" he asked, as he proceeded to open her fridge and peer into her cabinets.

"Liv, pickles and ketchup are not food," he said, earning a sad smile from her.

"I guess I haven't really had time to go to the store recently," she mumbled.

"Baby Girl, you've gotta take care of yourself, ya hear me?" he asked, gently taking her chin in his hand and turning her face towards his. As he stared, the tears welled up in her eyes and finally spilled over. He gathered her into his arms while she buried her face in his chest. Now the tears came. Now she cried. She couldn't do it alone; no, her body would only fall apart in front of someone else. Damn her body. And damn him for being safe.

"Shhh…it's gonna be ok. You can get through this," Fin soothed, gently stroking her hair.

XxXxX

_**Present Day**_

"What?" Fin asked, and Olivia suddenly realized she had been staring at him. He had crept in during her darkest hour, carefully wrapping her heart in his, and loving her unconditionally.

"Nothing," she replied, smiling. "Absolutely nothing." Fin gave her a puzzled look in reply.

"Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, looking at the clock.

"Language!" Olivia scolded, but followed his gaze. "Shoot!" she yelled. They should have left the apartment ten minutes ago. Olivia quickly scooped the breakfast dishes into the sink while Fin wrestled Tina into her winter coat. Bundled up, they headed out into the snow.

What they didn't realize was that across the street, a man sat in a battered Toyota watching the three of them race through the snow. _Sinners, both of them,_ he mused. _They'll pay for their crimes against God. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 2**

"No! Daddy, don't leave!" Tina exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Fin's left leg when they entered Sunny Side Preschool. Sunny Side was a child's paradise, filled with bright colors and a caring staff. The three-year-old classroom was broken down into several stations: a colorful carpet where they had Story Time, several child sized desks and chairs for Art Time, a play area with blocks, Legos, play kitchens and grocery carts, and Tina's favorite – a huge collection of dress up clothes. But Olivia immediately fell in love with 28-year-old African-American Sasha Jennings' teaching style and demeanor, and Tina usually idolized her. Fin sighed and knelt down to her level.

"Baby, we've been over this before. Daddy has to go to work, and you have to go to school. When we get home, you can show me all the cool stuff you learned today," Fin patiently explained.

"No, I don't want you to go work today," Tina replied, pouting. Spying the scene Tina was creating, Sasha Jennings approached Olivia.

"Again?" she asked.

"Again," Olivia replied. "I don't get it. She was fine on the first day of school. In fact, _I_ was the one who had a hard time leaving." Olivia chuckled slightly at the memory. She had been so apprehensive leaving her daughter alone on the first day of school, but of course, like all mothers, she pushed through it. "And then, out of the blue, she decided that she couldn't do anything or go anywhere without Fin."

"She's a daddy's girl," Ms. Jennings answered. "Don't worry, it's just a phase. She'll grow out of it." The she turned her attention back to Tina, lowering herself to eye level.

"Hey, Tina, we're gonna have so much fun today! We're gonna talk about the letter C, and do you know what starts with C?" Ms. Jennings asked. Tina shook her head and tightened her grip on Fin. "Cinderella!" Ms. Jennings answered excitedly, knowing full well that it was Tina's favorite story. Tina stopped sniffling and appeared to be considering what Ms. Jennings had just told her.

"Really?" Tina asked softly, still refusing to budge.

"Really, and we're going read Cinderella at Story Time," Ms. Jennings explained. "And we're going to draw pictures of our favorite people from the story. I'd hate to see you miss out on all of that." Tina turned her eyes up towards Fin.

"Can my daddy stay too?" Tina asked.

"That sounds like fun, Tina. I wish I could stay for that, but daddy and I have to go to work," Olivia answered.

"Ok, you stay, and I go work with daddy," Tina replied.

"Tina, why don't you come with me. I have some Cinderella dresses you can try on," Ms. Jennings tried. "And one of them is pink, which I happen to know is your favorite color." Tina looked over towards to dress up area where there were, in fact, several child sized ball gowns on hangers.

"Daddy, come with me," Tina said, taking Fin's hand and leading him towards the clothes. Fin obliged, but when Ms. Jennings had Tina distracted with two different pink dresses, she looked at Fin and Olivia.

_Go, now,_ she mouthed, and the two adults quietly slipped out the door. Olivia was impressed by how gently Ms. Jennings separated Tina from Fin. Her kind and gentle demeanor was the main reason she had chosen Sunny Side for Tina, and it didn't hurt that the school was a block away from the precinct.

"Have a good day," Fin said, giving Liv a quick kiss before turning towards his desk across from Munch. It might have been silly, considering they worked on the same squad, but Olivia always thought the gesture was sweet.

"You too," she answered, heading off to her own desk. "Morning, El," she said, hanging her coat up and taking her seat. "What have we got today?"

"So far, not much. Just the paperwork on the Taylor case from last week," he said, tossing a file to her.

"That's it?" she asked, slightly stunned that nothing had come in overnight.

"And the Simmons case. And Roberts, Maloney, and Holbrook," Elliot answered, handing her more files. "And that's just your half."

"You're too kind," Olivia quipped back.

"Call just came in from Mercy," Cragen said, coming out of his office. "Who's up?"

"We are," Munch said, as he and Fin were already shrugging into their coats. Olivia waiting, hoping something else would come in. She knew that paperwork was part of her job, but she preferred being in the field. Sitting still for too long drove her crazy, and by lunch time, she was getting fidgety.

"Wanna go grab a bite to eat?" Elliot asked.

"You must have read my mind," Olivia said, dropping her pen on the stack of papers in front of her. She had gotten quite a bit of work done, but she was eager for a break. She and Elliot had worked together for so long, that they both knew that "lunch out" meant the diner across the street from the precinct.

"Detectives, good to see you! What are we having today?" the middle-aged man who ran the diner asked after they had settled into a booth. "Two burgers with everything and a side of fries?"

"Sounds good to me. I'm starving," Elliot answered.

"Actually, I think I'll just have a salad, no dressing," Olivia answered, feeling slightly queasy. Elliot's brow furrowed.

"Salad? Really?" Elliot asked.

"Stop it. Millions of people eat salads every day for lunch," Olivia replied.

"Yeah, but they're not you," Elliot answered.

"Well, Fin's birthday is coming up, and I just bought this really great dress…" Olivia began.

"When are you due?" Elliot blurted out. Liv's jaw hung open.

"Excuse me?" she asked, as the waiter placed the plates of food in front of them. Olivia picked up a distinct scent. Pickles, lots of them, and they were making her particularly nauseous.

"You only eat dry salads when your pregnant because lettuce is the only thing that you can keep down," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh? And just how do you happen to know that?" Olivia asked.

"Liv, I'm your partner. And I have five kids. I just know these things," Elliot answered. "So, when are you due?" Olivia sighed.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully.

"When did you find out?" he asked.

"I did a home test this morning," she answered.

"Have you told Fin yet?" he asked.

"No, and I'm not going to. At least…not yet," she said.

"Liv, I don't think that's such a good idea," Elliot began. "The man has a right to know."

"I know, I know," Olivia said, brushing her hair behind her ear. "But he took the first miscarriage so hard, and the second one nearly destroyed him. I just…I want to wait until I'm sure this one's going to make it before I say anything to him." Elliot hesitated before he spoke.

"That's gonna be kinda hard," he said. "By the time you know for sure, it's going to be pretty obvious you're pregnant."

"First trimester, El. I just want to get through the first trimester. Promise me you won't say anything," she said.

"Liv, I…" he started.

"Promise," she said, a little more forcefully. Elliot sighed.

"All right, it's none of my business anyway," he said. He placed a hand over one of hers. "You're not gonna lose this one, Liv. Tina's going to have a wonderful little brother or sister." Olivia met his eyes, and she saw absolute, unwaivering confidence as he spoke.

"Thanks, El," she whispered.

"So, have you decided what you're going to tell Cragen?" Elliot asked, turning his attention back to his burger and breaking the moment.

"Oh, I'm not tell him either. I was four months pregnant with Tina before I switched over to desk duty. I'll be fine," she said, as she picked at the salad with her fork. So far, she had only managed small nibbles. The smell of those pickles was close to making her vomit. "So, are you and Kathy still ok with taking Tina Saturday night?"

"Let's see, you've made reservations at Fin's favorite restaurant, bought a great dress, dropped some serious cash on a great gift for him, and even took a trip to Victoria's Secret for the occasion. You know, Liv, now that you mention it, I think we might be busy that night," Elliot teased. Olivia gave him a sharp tap under the table with her foot and grinned.

"Stop it," she said. "And how do you know I went to Victoria's Secret?"

"Fin saw the bag in your closet and asked if I knew what was in it. And of course we're fine with watching Tina. You know how much Kathy adores her, and we owe you for all the times you've baby-sat for us when we needed a night alone," Elliot said.

XxXxX

The man sitting in the booth behind them was completely and utterly disgusted. _Not only is she married to the nigger, but she let him knock her up. What a whore,_ he thought. _Soon, honey. I'll fix you soon enough._

_**For those of you waiting for the smut, it's coming, I promise! Fasten those seatbelts, kids, it's gonna be a long ride!**_

_**Reviews are always appreciated…and highly motivating! **_


	3. Chapter 3

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 3**

He moved quickly through the apartment, installing the tiny cameras he had special ordered strategically. One in the frame around the mirror of Olivia's dresser aimed directly at the bed, one in the shower, one embedded in a handle on a cabinet door in the kitchen, and one in the living room. He even managed to replace the eye in Tina's teddy bear with a small camera. He smiled as he turned on the monitors.

With the five cameras, there was barely a square inch of the apartment he didn't have a view of. He smiled, pleased with his own ingenuity. He sat down on the white couch that had been Olivia's while she was single and pulled his laptop out of its carrying case before he turned it on to make sure the cameras were working properly.

He zoomed in on the one aimed at the bed with a cruel smirk. While he grew excited at the thought of seeing her baring it all, he felt an overwhelming disgust and a twinge of sadness at what he would also see; what was once a beautiful white Goddess turned ugly whore fucking that disgusting beast she called a husband.

His stomach churned at the thought of it.

Pushing away that cringe worthy thought, he shut his laptop, got up from the couch, leaving the apartment with a sadistic cruel grin plastered on his lips.

XxXxX

The rest of the work week passed without incident. No cases, no victims, no court appearances…just some minor, misdemeanors, which Alex was fairly sure they wouldn't even bother to prosecute. It would have been a lie to admit the detectives at the 1-6 weren't pleased with the peace that settled over their small part of the city.

The most eventful thing that had happened in the Tutuola/Benson household was Tina's shrieks and howls every day as she was dropped off at preschool, clinging to Fin's leg or hand, begging him not to leave her. Fin eventually started leaving his favorite shirt with her as proof that he would come back for her.

Finally it was Saturday. With both parents requesting the day off months ago, the small family had a special brunch with just the three of them. They ate the cake that Tina had helped Olivia cook, and Fin opened Tina's present which had consisted of a Black 'Ken' doll that the small girl had saved up for three weeks for while Olivia still managed to pay twenty out of twenty-five dollars for.

"So you can play Barbie's with me!" Tina had explained happily as Fin opened his gift. She held up her favorite pale brown-haired doll as if to emphasize her point, the one that looked closest to Olivia. "Now they can get married!"

"Thank you, Tina!" exclaimed Fin with a beaming smile custom made for just this occasion. "I love it!"

Olivia caught Fin's eyes and she gave him a grateful smile that he had accepted the child's toy in full stride.

Later that night Olivia was busy packing up everything Tina would need for a night away from home, all while dressed in a cute little black and white floral print dress that plunged deeply in the front and expertly clung to the rest of her curves.

"Ten minutes ago, I saw you…" came the melodious voice of Brandy from the television. Elliot had given Tina a DVD of the musical Cinderella for her last birthday, and lately, she had been watching it repeatedly while acting out the various scenes in the living room. Olivia and Fin had been touched that he had selected that particular version because of the interracial cast.

"Daddy, dance with me!" Tina called out as Fin, wearing a nice black suit, walked into the living room and Tina rushed over to her and threw her arms around her legs. "Daddy, dance!"

Fin swooped her into his arms and twirled her through the living room as she giggled, already having the song well memorized thanks to the multiple viewings he and Olivia were forced to sit through.

Olivia couldn't help the smile that grew as she watched them from their little girl's room, enjoying the sight of the two loves of her life. After a moment she zipped up the small suitcase and moved it to the living room just as the buzzer for the front door sounded.

"Hey, El," she said, opening the door with a smile.

"Hi," he answered as he walked into the apartment, smirking at a still dancing Fin. "I take it you're Ginger?"

"Shut up, Man," Fin said with a laugh as he placed Tina down on the floor. "Don't be mad 'cause you ain't got no rhythm!"

Elliot simply laughed and shook his head. "Alright, alright, you got me beat." Elliot turned his attention towards Tina who was still clinging to Fin's leg.

"Hi, Tina!" he called. "Are you ready to have fun tonight?" Tina blushed deeply before she nodded silently. Olivia turned off the DVD player, placed the disc in the case, and slipped it inside the front pocket of the pink plastic book bag.

"She loves this," Olivia explained to a confused Elliot as she handed off the suitcase to her partner. "If she fusses, put it on. And I put her copy of her Cinderella book in there, too. She won't go to sleep unless you read it to her. And whatever you do, don't forget her blankie when you put her to bed. She won't sleep without it, either. Plus-."

"Liv, calm down," he interrupted with a short laugh. "I can handle this."

Olivia wrung her hands together nervously. "I know…but you know how nervous I get when she's not around."

"Yeah but there won't be time to be fussy because we're gonna be too busy having fun right, Tina?" Elliot added as he turned towards the young girl again. She answered him with a sheepish nod before she hid behind Fin once more.

He held out his free hand and Tina couldn't help the giggle that escaped her as she timidly slipped her tiny hand in his. Wishing 'Ginger' a happy birthday, Elliot and Tina slipped out of the apartment with surprisingly little protest from her.

"So," Fin began now that the two were finally alone. "Do I get to know where we're going tonight yet?

"Not yet. I told you; it's a surprise," Olivia replied with a smirk.

He walked over to her and wrapped his well built arms around her. "You sure I can't have it now?" he muttered as he pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. His fingers skimmed along her body until they rested on her ass. He started to knead the flesh underneath the dress.

"Not yet," Olivia breathed, breaking the kiss and stepping away from him.

"Dinner first, and then I'll let you ravish me all night long."

"Not even a quickie?" Fin asked with mock disappointment.

"Trust me, you'll appreciate it so much more if you wait," Olivia replied with a sultry voice, taking their coats from the closet. They left the building and easily hailed a cab. Olivia gave the cabbie an address and they settled in for the ride.

"Happy birthday, honey," Olivia said as she gazed at Fin.

"Thanks, but the best part is that I get to spend it with you," he replied, kissing her gently. The cab slowed in front of the restaurant.

"'Mom's Kichen?'" Fin asked, reading the sign over the restaurant. "Oh, baby, this is perfect!" Olivia just smiled. She had known that Fin proclaimed Mom's Kitchen as the only place where you could get true Southern food in New York. She handed the cabbie a few bills and they headed into the restaurant. It was a higher end establishment, but catered to old-fashioned Southern comfort charm.

"Reservation for Tutuola," Olivia told the hostess, and they were shown to their table, which was a comfortable booth for two. Because of the way the booth was shaped, they were able to sit side by side, creating a very romantic atmosphere. As they took their seats, they gained more attention than they wanted to.

"I'll have the fried chicken with okra," Fin ordered without even looking at the menu. "And we could use some cornbread."

"And I'll have a salad, dressing on the side," Olivia ordered. Fin furrowed his brow.

"Salad? Is that going to be enough food for you?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, I'm just…I've been feeling a little queasy. Nothing to worry about," she answered. Fin regarded her skeptically. "Oh, stop. I'm fine," Olivia insisted. While they waited for their meal, Olivia noticed an older couple at a table a few feet away from them, studying their every move.

"Honey, I think we have an audience," she whispered into his ear.

"Oh?" Fin followed her gaze and saw the same couple gawking at them. "Well, then, I suppose we should put on a good show," he said, slipping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to him. He kissed her gently, and as they broke apart, Olivia noticed the disgusted look on the woman's face.

"Here we are," the waitress announced, delivering their meals. "Can I get you two anything else?" Olivia took a quick glance at the food.

"I think we're fine, thank you," she answered. She took the small container of dressing from the edge of her plate and pushed it off to the side. _Bad idea,_ she thought, as her stomach rolled at the sight of it. She suddenly had a wicked idea. Taking her fork, she took a bite of food from Fin's plate and held it up to him. He followed her lead, eating from her fork, and picking up some of her salad with his own, returning the favor. The woman at the other table stood up with a huff and said something inaudible to her husband. He threw some cash on the table and the two of them stormed out.

"This was perfect, Baby Girl," Fin said as he finished the last of his meal.

"Would you two care for dessert?" the waitress asked.

"You know, dessert _does_ sound good," Olivia said.

"Yeah, it does, but honestly, I don't think I could eat another bite," Fin said. The he leaned over and whispered to her, "and I want my dessert at home." Olivia's face flushed slightly.

"Just the check, please," she said quickly. They paid for the meal and headed back home. As soon as they stepped over the threshold, Fin spun Olivia in his arms and kissed her. It began slow and gently, and quickly built in intensity. He pulled at the buttons on Olivia's coat and quickly pushed it off her shoulders. Olivia returned the favor and yelped in surprise as Fin swept an arm underneath her knees and carried her into the bedroom.

He laid her gently on the bed and quickly removed his suit jacket. She rose on her knees facing him, loosening the knot on his tie. He reached around to pull her close into a deep, sensuous kiss. As their tongues mingled, her finger deftly undid the buttons on his shirt, one at a time. He left her lips, kissing along her jawline, to the spot behind her ear, eliciting a sweet moan from her lips. His fingers reached around to her back and slowly, agonizingly slowly, he lowered the zipper of her dress. He lifted the garment up and his jaw dropped at the sight of what lay underneath.

Olivia had strategically worn a black lace half bra and a matching black thong. She had forgone her usual pantyhose in favor of a garter belt and stockings.

"Damn," he muttered.

"Shhh," she whispered, putting a finger to his lips. "I'll take care of you." Her hands slithered lower and she flicked open the button on his pants and lowered the zipper. He was straining against the fabric already. In a single, quick motion, she tugged on the waistband and both his pants and boxers fell to the floor. She took his thick cock in her hand and stroked lightly.

"Better, honey?" she asked.

"Oh, God…" Fin managed to say. He wondered if she would use her mouth on him. As much as he loved it, she had to be in the right mood to do it, which wasn't very often. He gazed into her brown eyes lustfully and her head tips forward closer and closer until she reached out with her tongue and gave the tip of his cock a lick.

"Liv, you don't have to…ohhhhh" he said as her lips wrapped around the head. The sound of his groan went directly to her core. She licked the sensitive ridge underneath, rendering him practically speechless. He reached down to her head and ran his fingers through her hair. She had the softest hair of anyone he had ever dated, and he would swear he was addicted to the way her tresses felt in his fingers. Olivia continued to inch her way farther down his cock, pulling back slightly, then taking more of him in. She applied suction as her hot mouth slid up and down his hardness.

"Oh yeah, Baby…mmmm," Fin moaned appreciatively. She felt the wetness building between her legs. She wanted to do everything for him, but her need was becoming just as great as his. He continued to work his hands through her hair, not forcing her, just feeling her. She started to hum slightly sending vibrations directly through him.

"Oh, God…Liv, Baby, if you keep that up, I'm not gonna…" before he could finish, she slid off of him, placing a final kiss on the tip. Fin was breathing heavily. He quickly shucked the remainder of his clothes and climbed onto the bid with her. He attacked her neck with vigor, eliciting whimpers followed by moans from deep inside her. His hands grazed along her sides and he moved in to palm a breast. His lips traveled down and he nipped at her taught peak poking out just above the lace. He snapped the clasp of her bra and threw the scrap of lace aside.

"I need you…inside me…" she panted. He slipped his fingers inside the waistband of her panties and lowered them, pulling them off of her completely. He ran his hand up the side of her thigh to the juncture between her legs. He smiled when he discovered how wet she was, and it was all for him. Her body had produced it for him and him alone.

"How do you want it?" she whispered in his ear, knowing full well what he was going to say. When she gave him control like that, he always picked the same position.

"I really want to take you from behind, but…" he said back, knowing that it wasn't her favorite position. She liked being able to see his eyes when they made love. According to her, she could connect with him on a much deeper level that way.

"Then do it," Olivia said huskily, rotating her body so that she was face down on the bed, with her ass raised slightly. Fin knelt behind her, and stroked the length of her slit with his cock.

"Hold on the headboard, Baby," he said. He lined the head up with her entrance and thrust forward. This position gave him the best view of her ass, and while he was madly in love with her, he was still an ass-man at heart. He thrust into her while palming her cheeks lovingly.

"Oh, Fin…mmm…ohhh…" she cried out. He hit her G-spot every time he thrust, and the constant stimulation was building deep in her core. Fin reached around and flicked her clit, knowing it wouldn't take much for her. He rubbed at her nub voraciously until he felt her muscles start to spasm around him. It may have been his birthday, but she **always** came first.

"Oh, God, Fin, oh, God, right there…" she panted. "Don't stop…please, don't stop." He kept up his pace, moving a hand from her hip to cup one of her breasts.

"It's ok, I've got you. Let go," he whispered to her.

"Oh, God…I'm gonna…ohhhhhhhhhh," she exclaimed as her body contracted and her orgasm ripped through her. Fin slowed his thrusting as she came down, riding out the aftershocks of her orgasm. The sounds coming from her shot straight to his groin, and he knew it wouldn't be long for him. He picked up his tempo, thrusting a few more times before he reached his own climax.

Fin pulled the covers around Olivia and himself as she cuddled closer to him. Her fingers traced over the tattoo on his chest of four names: Quasi (Ken's given name), Tina, Taylor, and Jordan, the names of his children, whether they had lived a day outside of their mother or not. Jordan and Taylor's names were framed by a pair of angel wings. Olivia couldn't help but think that there was going to be a fifth name to add to the list, and she desperately hoped that name wouldn't have wings also.

"Are you ready for your present from me now?" she asked softly.

"Didn't we just do that?" Fin asked. Olivia sat up and opened the top drawer of her nightstand, withdrawing a small red box tied with a white ribbon. Fin pulled off the wrapping to reveal a small jewelry box. He lifted the lid, and inside was a man's chain with a dog tag pendant hanging from it. One side had a cross engraved on it, with his and Olivia's name engraved along with their anniversary date and Tina's name with her birthday.

"Liv, this is…wow," he said, lifting it from the box.

"Turn it over," she said softly. The other side of the pendant was engraved with 'to love another person is to see the face of God,' a quote from Victor Hugo's _Les Miserables_.

"Oh honey, I love it, and I love you," he said, pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply, after slipping the chain around his neck.

"I love you, too. Happy Birthday."

XxXxX

He zoomed in the camera with a series of quick keystrokes. The moment Olivia had shed her clothes, he had become uncomfortably hard. As her face twisted in pleasure, he felt he pressure build in his own groin. Unable to resist the urge to stroke himself, he shot hotly into a tissue as they finished on the screen, completely unaware of their audience.

_Thanks for the show, guys,_ he thought as he cleaned himself off.

"Yeah, they'll do just fine," he called to his partner.

"I thought you might like them," his partner responded. "Of course, the nigger doesn't even know enough to fuck his wife while looking at her, but what would you expect from a dog like that? He probably can't figure out which hole to put it in."

"Well, it takes a whore to know how to fuck like that," the first man replied. "And she's definitely a fine looking whore."

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it! Follow me BensonFan711 or my co-conspirator OneSixMHChick89 on Twitter!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 4**

The phone came to life on the nightstand on Fin's side of the bed. After a weekend of fun with both his wife and daughter, Sunday night had come far too soon, and all three members of the Tutuola family were trying to get a solid night's sleep before the usual chaos erupted on Monday morning.

"Fin," Fin said groggily into the offending device. His eyes scanned the clock on the bedside table. 2:12am. Why couldn't rapists be considerate enough to strike between 9am and 5pm Monday through Friday? Olivia's head rested on his chest, and she stirred slightly. He ran a hand through her hair and she sighed, returning to sleep.

"Fin, you've gotta get down here. We have a double homicide with…" Don Cragen paused, and Fin could hear the sound of rustling papers in the background. "…obvious signs of sexual assault in Washington Heights. I'm sending the address to your phone." 

"Yeah, ok, Captain. I'll be there soon," he said, hanging up the phone.

"What is it?" Olivia mumbled. Her eyes were still closed, but she was semi-conscious.

"Double homicide," he repeated to her. "I have to go."

"Ok," she said, making no move to let him get out of bed without disturbing her.

"That means you've gotta move," he said.

"Ok," she repeated, pulling him closer to her. He chuckled. It was one of the little things he loved about her. When she was woken up in the middle of the night, unless she had to be coherent, not much registered in her brain. He recalled waking her once because he couldn't find his keys and she told him to check inside the elephant. Gently, he lifted her upper body from his chest and rested her on her own pillow. Then he grabbed a quick shower, dressed, and placed a feather light kiss on Olivia's forhead.

"Love you…" she mumbled as he headed out into the night.

XxXxX

"Here, you'll need this," Munch said, handing Fin a Styrofoam cup as he arrived on the scene. The two of them were standing in the entryway of a modest two-bedroom apartment that had been clearly trashed. Furniture was overturned, lamps had crashed onto the floor, and books and what were previously wall hangings were strewn throughout the room.

"Did you make it?" Fin asked, jokingly.

"Geez, one bad pot of coffee, twelve years ago, and you're *still* busting my ass over it," he replied.

"That doesn't answer my question," Fin replied.

"If you must know, I stopped at the 24 hour coffee shop down the block," Munch said. Fin took that as a green light to consume the hot liquid inside the cup. _Not too bad,_ he thought as he tasted it.

"Warner here yet?" Fin asked.

"She is," Melinda Warner answered, coming into the main room of the apartment from the hall. "Two victims. Mosi Akintola, African-American, 43 and his wife, Kimberly, Caucasian, 40." As she spoke, the detectives walked down the hall towards the master bedroom.

"Sex crime?" Fin asked.

"There's no evidence of sexual assault on him, but she's another story," Melinda answered. Fin surveyed the scene in front of him. The male, Mosi, was lying dead on his side on the floor with his hands bound behind him and his feet bound at the ankle, dressed in nothing but a pair of simple cotton boxer shorts. His body looked like it had taken a decent beating, but the fatal wound was clearly the gunshot to the head. What was even more curious, though, were the cuts on his scalp and the smattering of dreadlocks around his body. As his eyes drifted to the bed, he saw Kimberly, tied spread eagled to the posts of the bed. There was so much blood, the detectives couldn't be sure how she had died.

"She was stabbed multiple times. I won't know which wound was the fatal one until I do a full autopsy. There's also significant vaginal and anal tearing," she reported.

"Fluids?" Munch asked.

"Not that I can see. There's so much blood there, though, that the chance of us finding anything is remote, or your perp could have used a condom," she informed them.

"They shaved his head?" Fin asked. Warner nodded.

"Yeah, and they used a straight edge razor to do it, too. No other razor would make those kinds of gashes on his skull," she explained.

"That's messed up," Fin commented. He paused for a moment and pointed to the wall.

"Please tell me that's not blood." Above the bed was written a single word in dark red – traitor.

"I wish I could. I took a sample for the lab. We'll run a DNA match on it and determine who it came from," Melinda said.

"Did our guys do this?" Munch said, pointing a strip of crime scene tape over one of the doors in the hallway.

"No one from our team did, sir," a crime scene tech informed him. A note was taped to the door above the yellow plastic with the word "Jenna" typed on it. Munch slipped on a pair of latex gloves and carefully removed the note.

"Dear Jenna," Munch read after he unfolded the sheet of plain white paper. "Do not be afraid, for you have committed no sin."

"What the hell does that mean?" Fin asked.

"That's all it says," Munch said. "Anyone know who Jenna is?" he asked the team combing the apartment. Captain Judy Siper stepped forward.

"16-year-old daughter," she said glumly. "She was the one who found the bodies and called 911."

"Where is she now?" Munch asked.

"She's with a neighbor across the hall," Judy replied. One of them was going to have to go talk to her. That was always when homicides got tough, at least for Fin, when he had to deal with the surviving family members.

Fin checked the time again. 7:16am. Olivia would be awake and getting Tina ready for school.

"Ok, let's get her down to the precinct. I'll call Liv to see if she can do the interview. We still got a lotta work to do here," Fin said glumly, already flipping through his cell phone for Liv's number.

"Benson," Olivia answered. Her voice sounded distracted.

"Liv, we've got a double homicide. The call came in from the teenage daughter, who's on her way to the House now. Do you have some time this morning to do the interview?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, sure…Tina, stop!...sorry, I'll be there soon," she said. Fin couldn't help but smile at when he imagined was occurring at home this morning.

"See you soon. Love you," he said.

"Love you, too," she said hanging up the phone. Olivia turned back to the child at her kitchen table who had managed to get more of her cereal splashed outside of the bowl than in her mouth. She tucked her phone into her back pocket as she grabbed a kitchen towel and headed towards the table.

"Was that Daddy?" Tina asked.

"Yes, it was," Olivia answered, mopping up the mess.

"I wanna talk to him!" she exclaimed.

"Daddy's at work right now. He'll see you after school," Olivia said. She somehow managed to get Tina into her coat and to school. Per her usual, Tina wailed at being left behind when it was time for Olivia to leave, but Olivia gave her Fin's shirt, and she was fine. Olivia's mind was focused on the interview she had to conduct. Ten minutes later, with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand, she strolled into the precinct.

"What've we got?" she asked Elliot, who had clearly been there far earlier than her.

"Crime scene's mess. They'll be there all day. The daughter's pretty shaken up, so it's probably best for you to do this one on one. Anymore than that might spook her more than she already is," Elliot relayed to her.

"Is the daughter a suspect?" Olivia asked, glancing at the preliminary reports from the scene.

"No. She just happened to be the one who stumbled onto the scene," Elliot told her.

"Thanks, El," she said as she turned towards the interview room.

"Hi, Jenna," she said in the same soothing voice that persuaded so many victims to talk. "I'm Detective Benson."

"Hi," the girl said softly. Her eyes were wide, and her face was white as a ghost. Her lower lip trembled slightly. Shock. Olivia had seen it more times than she cared to admit. She pulled a chair around to the side of the table so that she wasn't sitting directly across from Jenna.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Something to eat?" she began.

"No, thank you," Jenna said quickly.

"Ok, we're just going to talk. I want you to know you aren't in any trouble," Olivia said. Jenna's lower lip trembled more, and her eyes welled up with tears.

"My mom and Mosi…they're dead, aren't they?" she asked. Olivia took one of Jenna's hands into both of hers.

"Yes, Jenna," she said softly. She waited for Jenna to regain some semblance of composure before continuing. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I don't know…I wasn't there," Jenna answered.

"Ok, well, let start with what you do know," Olivia said. "You made the 911 call, right?" Jenna nodded. "Tell me about that."

"I…I came home, and I saw the living room destroyed. And then I saw the lights on in the bedroom," Jenna began. "They're always asleep by 11:00, so it was weird, you know?" Olivia nodded to show she was listening. "So…I knocked to see if they were awake. No one answered so I…I opened the door…and then…" Jenna's voice broke into sobs.

"You're doing great, Jenna," Olivia said as she stroked the girl's arm. Jenna's sobs slowed enough for her to talk again, but nothing could stop the steady stream of tears coming down her face.

"There was so much blood…" Jenna said. "All I could think to do was call 911."

"You did exactly what you should have. Did you see anyone else in the apartment?" Olivia asked. Jenna shook her head.

"No, it was deathly quiet. That's why I didn't leave right away. Everything was just so still, you know?" Olivia knew exactly what she was talking about. While it wouldn't hold up in court, people often could sense when others were around. Olivia could accept that Jenna ventured farther into the apartment simply because she sensed there was no one there.

"2:00 in the morning is awfully late to be getting home. What were you doing out so late?" Olivia asked.

"I…" Jenna hesitated. _Here we go_, Olivia thought. Victims hold things back. What was she trying to hide.

"I just went out for a walk. Couldn't sleep, you know?" Jenna's eyes shifted away from her.

"You went for a walk. In the middle of the night," Olivia challenged. Jenna shrugged.

"Jenna, I want to help you. You, your mother, and Mosi, but I can't do that unless you tell me the truth," Olivia explained patiently. Jenna didn't say anything further. "Jenna, where were you really? You can tell me; you're not in any trouble."

"I guess it doesn't really matter much anymore," Jenna said, mostly talking to her knees than to Olivia.

"What doesn't matter?" Olivia asked.

"My boyfriend, Liam," Jenna said. "I was with him."

"Until 2:00 in the morning?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. The fire escape is right outside my bedroom window. That's how I always got in and out. Wait…did they go through my window?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. Olivia didn't want to answer that question. The reports found no sign of forced entry, so the assumption was that the perp, or perps, had come in through Jenna's open window.

"Let's talk more about Liam. You were with him all night?" Olivia asked. Jenna nodded.

"Jenna, was there anyone who was angry with your mom and Mosi about anything?" Olivia asked.

"No, everyone like them. My mom and I were really close, and Mosi was like a dad to me," Jenna answered.

"But Mosi's not your father, is he?" Olivia asked.

"No, my parents got divorced when I was three. I barely know my real father," Jenna explained. "What's gonna happen to me?" Jenna asked as she started to cry again. Olivia pulled the teenager into her arms and stroked her hair, as she had done many times in the past.

"We'll work that out," Olivia told her. "Right now, I think we should take a break. Do you have anyone you can stay with for a little while until we work this out?" Olivia felt Jenna nod against her chest. Jenna pulled away from Olivia's embrace.

"I have an aunt in Chelsea. She'll let me stay with her," Jenna said.

"Ok, I'll have someone take you down there. If you can remember anything else, or if you just want to talk, call me," Olivia said, sliding her business card towards Jenna. Jenna nodded and Olivia rose to leave.

"Detective Benson?" Jenna asked.

"What, Jenna?" Olivia replied, turning back towards her.

"Do you think they'll come after me?" Jenna asked softly.

"I'll make sure they don't," Olivia said, and somehow, Jenna believed her.

"Nice job," Elliot said as soon as she exited the interview room.

"Thanks," she said, and that was when she noticed it. A dull, aching pain throughout her lower abdomen. Her hand instinctively when to her stomach.

"Everything ok?" Elliot asked.

"Uh…yeah, it's fine. I don't think breakfast is settling too well," she told him.

"Have you told Fin yet?" Elliot asked.

"No, and I'm not going to. I already told you. Not until I'm sure," she told him sharply.

"Ok, ok, I get it," he said, backing off. A small cramp seized her and she paused for a minute to catch a breath, which immediately grabbed Elliot's attention.

"Liv? You sure you're ok?" he asked again.

_**Is Olivia about to have her third miscarriage? And what is she going to tell Fin? Or is Elliot going to break his promise to her and tell Fin himself?**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it! Hopefully I'm not the only one interested in this story. Follow me on Twitter (BensonFan711) and be sure to check out my partner in crime, too (FF: Belltrix Wannabe 89 Twitter: OneSixMHChick89)**_

_**Oh, and sorry about the cliffhanger…nah, I'm really not. Stay tuned for Chapter 5.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 5**

"Olivia, are you sure you're ok?" Elliot asked, concerned.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," she replied quickly. The pain returned back to a dull ache. It was uncomfortable, but nothing she couldn't manage. She was on her way back to her desk when Jenna stepped out of the interview room.

"Detective Benson?" she asked.

"What is it, Jenna?" Olivia answered, giving the girl her full attention.

"My mom seemed a little jumpy lately. I don't know if that means anything, but she was…different," Jenna said. Olivia ushered her back into the interview room, and they returned to their former seats.

"Do you know if there was anything that caused her anxiety?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know…a couple of times, she got a letter in the mail, and then she…she'd act weird for a few days," Jenna said.

"Weird, how?" Olivia asked.

"Like, she was watching over her shoulder. She wouldn't take the subway, she wouldn't walk anywhere…basically, she just stayed at home with the doors locked," Jenna said. "But then nothing would happen, and she'd slowly go back to normal."

"Do you know what the letters said?" Olivia asked.

"No, I never saw any of them, and I don't know where she put them, if she even kept them," Jenna said. "Do you think it's important?"

"It might be, Jenna, but it could also be a coincidence," Olivia stated, although, she suspected that Kimberly had been receiving some sort of blackmail or threats. While she didn't want to reveal anything more than necessary to Jenna, she knew that it was entirely likely that the attack on Kimberly and Mosi wasn't random. But the question was, why were they targeted?

Olivia arranged for Jenna to be taken to her aunt's house with an officer while she returned to the bullpen. Fin and Munch were still finishing the crime scene, but she wanted to write up Jenna's interview while it was still fresh in her mind. Hours passed as she completed her required paperwork, notified Munch and Fin to be on the lookout for the letters Jenna had mentioned, and they reached a point where they had nothing more to go on until the forensic evidence came back. The thought of being finished early enough to spend the afternoon with Tina lifted her spirits.

"Benson, Stabler," Cragen called out as he strode into the bullpen. "We've got another set of bodies," he told them grimly.

"Bodies…plural?" Olivia asked.

"Three. Two female, one male. One of the females and the male were found with shaved heads. Sound familiar?" Cragen said, as he handed them a slip of paper with the address.

"Mosi Akintola's head was shaved. This our guy?" she asked.

"It's definitely the same MO," Cragen said.

"We're dealing with a serial killer," she said, looking at Elliot, who had been thinking exactly the same thing.

XxXxX

Olivia surveyed the scene in front of her. The apartment had been trashed. She heard a crash from one of the bedrooms. Her head snapped to attention, and she drew her gun.

"Police!" she yelled. Elliot already had his weapon drawn and was a few steps behind her. Olivia approached the bedroom cautiously.

"Help…me…" she heard a weak voice struggle to whisper. She quickly checked the room, revealing no one except her victim who was lying on the floor. Her neck was covered in blood from where her throat had obviously been slashed.

"SVU Portable to Central," Olivia heard Elliot bark into the radio.

"Go ahead, SVU Portable," came a crackly reply.

"Rush a bus to 365 W. 38th St.," Elliot said, keeping his eyes trained on Olivia and the victim. Olivia scrambled to find anything to stop the bleeding, settling for a towel on the floor. She applied pressure to the girl's neck. As she worked feverishly to save the young woman in front of her, she couldn't help but notice that she could have been looking at an older version of Tina. Her victim had the same light brown skin and wide brown eyes, and the clumps of dark, coarse, curly hair surrounding her surely came from her head.

"Acknowledged SVU Portable. Ambulance en route, ETA 4 minutes," the crackly voice answered.

"Come on, stay with me," Olivia told her young victim. "You're ok, now." In the victim's clutched hand was a lamp cord, and not far away was the broken lamp. How this girl was still alive with the depth of her wound was beyond Olivia, but she had learned early in her career never to underestimate the human's will to survive.

"Do you know who did this to you?" Olivia asked.

"I…no…" she sputtered.

"No, no, no…don't you die on me. Come on, stay with me…just a little longer. You can do this," Olivia urged.

"He…race…traitor…" the girl managed to sputter.

"Sweetheart, stay with me. You're going to be fine now. You're safe," Olivia said. The girl's eyes drifted from Olivia's face and fixed on the ceiling above her.

"Honey, come on, don't give up on me," Olivia said, feeling for a pulse. Her fingers searched, and she couldn't find the reassuring pulsing that indicated life.

"No!" she cried. Laying the girl flat on her back, Olivia attempted two rescue breaths, but she was struggling to get air into the girl's lungs. She felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see a paramedic beside her.

"She was conscious," Olivia said, stepping back. "She talked to me."

"We'll take it from here, Detective," he said as he continued to work on her.

"I'll ride with her. Elliot, I need you to…" Olivia began.

"Detective, that's not going to be necessary," the paramedic interrupted. Eye contact. That was all it took. He didn't have to tell her the victim was dead; she could see it in his eyes.

"She was just talking to me…" Olivia said.

"Given how quickly she was losing blood, it's a miracle she lasted as long as she did. Have your Medical Examiner meet us at Bellevue," he said, and he and his partner removed the blood covered body from the room. By the time Olivia finished with the young girl, the crime scene unit had arrived and were beginning to process the scene. Elliot ran her through their theory of the crime, but Olivia was having trouble concentrating. She'd read the report later. Another cramp seized her, and she leaned on the wall for support.

"Ok, Liv, I think we need to get you to a doctor," Elliot said.

"I told you, I'm fine," she said, clutching her stomach.

"No, you're not. Look at you. You're bracing against the wall. Now come on, the hospital's not that far away," he said, extending a hand to her.

"I don't need a hospital," she said.

"You may not, but the baby might," he said. His words hit her like a ton of bricks, giving her fears a name. The last two miscarriages had started exactly like this. The nausea, which she had chalked up to morning sickness and that damn dull, achy feeling in her stomach. Then came the intense cramps and the inevitable confirmation that she had, in fact, miscarried.

"It's happening again, isn't it?" she asked Elliot, suddenly afraid. He didn't want to let her see that he was thinking the same thing. If he panicked, surely she would too. That, and with the squad of crime scene techs around, he didn't want more people fussing over her than absolutely necessary. It tended to unnerve her when she became the center of attention, unless she herself had meant to command it.

"I'm not a doctor, Olivia. I don't know," he answered honestly. "So let's go ask someone who does." Elliot's mind had already traveled back to when she had her first miscarriage.

_**Two years ago…**_

_Elliot and Olivia were in the process of interrogating a suspect. Olivia was in her groove, hammering the poor schmuck with questions, while Elliot was playing the sympathetic cop. It was a carefully choreographed dance that they were masters at, and it usually resulted in a confession, or at the very least, enough to get a search warrant. He couldn't remember which they were going for that time, and it didn't really matter. What mattered was that Olivia had broken her usual cadence. The rapid fire questions were coming at a slower pace, and she was having trouble articulating the words she needed. _

"_Detective, you ok?" Elliot had asked, taking his eyes off the perp for the first time in the entire interrogation. Her face was ashen. She closed her eyes, and when they opened, they seemed unfocused. And then her legs had crumpled under her. Thanks to his years of military training, Elliot had managed to catch her before he head made contact with the concrete floor. The perp had stood up._

"_You! Sit down!" Elliot yelled at him. Thankfully, the perp obeyed. The door opened and Cragen stepped in from where he had been watching behind the one way mirror. Elliot's focus had just been on Olivia. He lifted her gently and carried her the short distance to the crib. By the time he got her there, she was already starting to stir._

"_El…Elliot?" she asked. "Where am I? What happened?"_

"_You're in the crib, Liv. You fainted," he told her._

"_Where's Fin?" she asked._

"_He and Munch are still out on a canvas. I was just about to call him, right after I called your doctor," he said._

"_Don't…it's fine. The doctor said that fainting spells are common during pregnancy," she told him. She started to get up._

"_Liv, don't," he told her. "Just rest for a bit." Within minutes, she was sound asleep. Two hours later, he went upstairs to wake her._

"_Come on, Liv. We need you for an interview, if you feel up to it," Elliot said, shaking her gently. She had opened her eyes and sat up._

"_How do you feel?" Elliot asked her._

"_Better. Let's go," she said, and she climbed out of the bed. That was when he noticed it. _

"_Uh, Liv…I think we should rethink this," he said, trying to be as tactful as possible._

"_What? Why?" she asked turning to face him, and then she saw it, too. The unmistakable red spot in the center of the bed where she had been sleeping, and the matching spot on her jeans. Elliot grabbed a towel and put it on a different bunk. _

"_Lay down, Liv," he told her. Olivia's heart hammered. Blood. Like heavy period blood. No…not the baby. No. She did as she was told. The rest was a blur. The ambulance ride, the exam in the emergency room, Elliot waiting for something, and Fin finally rushing into the waiting room. _

"_My wife…" he said breathlessly. "Tell me she's ok," he badgered the nurse at the desk. _

"_I'm sorry, sir. We'll let you know the minute we have any information," the nurse said._

"_Oh, c'mon, don't give me that! My pregnant wife was rushed to the emergency room, and no one has a damn clue what's going on?" he yelled._

"_Fin, stop," Elliot told him. He gestured to the nurse that he would take care of it. Relief swept across the tiny blonde woman's face. As Elliot sat in the waiting room with Fin, he told him everything he knew about what had happened so far._

"_Yeah, she's fainted a few times. The doctor told us it wasn't a big deal unless she was out for more than a few minutes," Fin confirmed. "But there's never been any blood before. I mean, not at all, man." The two sat in silence until the doctor called for Fin._

"_Mr. Tutuola? I'm Dr. Baker," a woman in scrubs informed him. "Would you come with me, please?" She led him into a small room off the waiting room with battered second-hand chairs and couches. She gestured for him to take a seat, and she sat next to him._

"_Olivia?" he asked._

"_She's fine," Dr. Baker said quickly. Fin let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding._

"_The baby?" he asked. Dr. Baker didn't answer immediately. "No…"_

"_She miscarried," Dr. Baker said quietly._

"_Does she know?" he asked. Dr. Baker nodded._

"_Your wife has asked to see you," she said softly._

"_Yeah…yeah, I want to see her," Fin said, still trying to process the information._

"Elliot!" Olivia yelled. Elliot slammed his foot on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting a pedestrian in a crosswalk. He couldn't think about the possibilities now. He just had to get her to the nearest hospital, which he did. As Olivia was whisked back to the emergency room – apparently pregnant women get attended to pretty quickly – he pulled out his phone. His fingers lingered over the number as he decided whether or not to make the call. Fin didn't even know about the baby, and Elliot had promised not to tell him. But somehow being in the hospital seemed to change that somewhat. He pressed the final button and waited for the line to be answered.

"Fin, it's Elliot," he said. "Olivia's in the emergency room."

_**Olivia: What? A third miscarriage?**_

_**Me: Well…**_

_**Olivia: That's a bit on the cruel side, don'tcha think?**_

_**Me: But this is a TRAGEDY! **_

_**Olivia: Then I hate to see what else you plan to do to me…**_

_**Me: Will you stop fighting and just do what I tell you to do.**_

_**Olivia: Yeah, just…stop screwing it up!**_

_**Oops…sorry about that. So, yeah…is she losing the baby or not? Love it? Hate it? Review it! **_


	6. Chapter 6

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 6**

"What? What happened? Is she ok?" Fin asked. His heart was pounding so loud he thought it would drown out Elliot's voice through the phone, and he desperately needed to hear what Elliot was telling him. Munch's head snapped up at the sound of the last sentence. Fin held up a hand to silence him as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Just…get down here," Elliot replied. "I can't say anymore, just get down here."

"What happened? I swear, if some perp laid his hands on her…" Fin began. Anger built inside him at the thought of someone intentionally hurting Olivia.

"Fin, no one touched her. It's just…dammit, I can't say anymore. Just get down here," Elliot repeated.

"What hospital?" he asked.

"Mercy," Elliot replied. Fin hung up the phone and looked at Munch.

"Olivia?" Munch asked. Fin couldn't bring himself to speak, so he simply nodded. "Go," Much said again, nodding towards the door. And with that, Fin tore out of the house and raced to the hospital.

XxXxX

Elliot was pacing. So many thoughts were racing through his mind. He tried to focus on the case, but Olivia kept creeping into his head. The last miscarriage. His call to Fin. How long would she be angry with him? Or would she be angry? No, back to the case. Why were all of the heads shaved? Why had the second daughter been killed but not the first? Ok, that was an easy one…Jenna hadn't been home. Was Olivia going to miscarry? Could she even handle that? Of course she could; Olivia was the strongest person he knew.

"Tutuola, Olivia," Elliot heard, crashing him out of his thoughts. Fin was standing at the nurse's station.

"I'm sorry, sir, we don't have anyone by that name. Are you sure you have the right hospital?" the petite brunette replied.

"Yes, I'm sure, dammit! I…" he yelled.

"Fin, Fin…stop," Elliot said, rushing to Fin's side. He turned back to the nurse. "Benson. He's looking for Olivia Benson." Fin gave him a quizzical look. "It happened on the job; I filled out the paperwork for her, and I just wasn't thinking." Fin relaxed slightly as the nurse's hands flew across the keyboard in front of her.

"And your relation to Ms. Benson?" the nurse asked.

"I'm her husband," Fin told her impatiently.

"Ok, Mr. Benson, she's with the doctor now. I'll have someone take you back to her as soon as she's able to have visitors," the nurse replied. Fin opened his mouth to correct the nurse, but Elliot led him over to the waiting area.

"It's not worth it," Elliot said, chuckling slightly. In spite of his overwhelming fear, Fin let out a half-hearted chuckle as his mind traveled to another time…

_**Four and a half years ago…**_

"_I have one more surprise for you," Fin told Olivia as he held the door open leading out of the restaurant. He had already taken her to a matinee showing of Phantom of the Opera and dinner at a restaurant she wanted to try, but never could bring herself to pay the exorbitant prices they charged. As it was, he had worked three weeks of overtime to make this day as special as possible for her, and that didn't include the long hours he needed to afford the small jewelry box his fingers were wrapped around in his pocket. He glanced outside quickly and a small smile crept across his face. It was simply perfect._

"_Oh!" Olivia gasped as her gaze turned to the carriage waiting outside._

"_Your carriage awaits," Fin said softly as he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards it._

"_This is too much," Olivia said, blushing slightly._

"_You told me once that you used to sit in Central Park and watch the carriages, wondering what it would be like to ride in one. Well, tonight, you're going to find out," Fin told her. The carriage driver hopped down and extended an arm to help her climb up. Olivia hesitated. _

"_What's going on?" she asked, skeptically. "The show, the dinner, and now this?"_

"_You said you wanted to have a real Valentine's Day, and that's what we're doing," Fin answered. "And you ask too many questions. Now, let's go." A slight grin crossed her face as she took the driver's hand and climbed into the carriage. Fin climbed in after her, and casually slipped an arm around her shoulders. He placed a small kiss on the side of her head. His hand gripped the box in his pocket tighter as his palms started to sweat slightly. _Not yet…_he thought._

"_I can't believe you went to all this trouble," Olivia said as the carriage started down the streets of New York. Fin shrugged._

"_It's easy, if you know who to talk to," he said casually. She wrapped her arms around his waist._

"_It's more than that, though," Olivia said. "It's everything. You've been the most stable thing in my life since…" Her voice trailed off, and that damn haunted look flashed through her eyes._

"_Not tonight, Baby Girl. We're not gonna think about that tonight. If it hadn't happened, you and I wouldn't have spent so much time together, we wouldn't have gotten to know each other as well as we do, and we wouldn't have…" _

"_Fallen in love?" she finished. Fin smiled. The carriage turned into the park and the sounds of the city quieted. The world seemed to slowly fall away as the buildings and streets turned to trees and grass on the chilly winter night._

"_I can't imagine a day without you in my life anymore," Fin said quietly. Olivia paused for a moment._

"_Neither can I," she answered._

"_And that scares you, doesn't it?" Fin asked. She looked down at her knees and nodded, feeling slightly ashamed._

"_I like my independence," she said as she searched for the words she wanted. "But, romance for me has always been…complicated."_

"_So what if I could assure you that I would never leave your side?" Fin asked. Olivia sat up straight. Her eyes were wide, and her jaw dropped slightly. _Now,_ Fin thought. He pulled the box out of his pocket and opened the lid. Inside lay a simple platinum band with a half carat diamond. It wasn't fussy, but definitely to the point. Just like Olivia._

"_Olivia Benson, will you marry me?" he asked, holding the ring in front of her. Olivia was speechless. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't marry him, but there were so many reasons why she should. Deep inside her heart, she knew that he understood her, in a way that no one, not even Elliot, could. And over the past six months, he had been patient and understanding, giving her whatever support she needed. What she didn't know was that she had brought a sense of stability and completeness to Fin. She balanced him in a way that no one else ever had. He thought he was in love when he married his ex-wife, but being with Olivia was so easy. He knew now what real love was._

"_Do you want to think about it?" Fin asked when Olivia still hadn't responded._

"_No, no…I just wasn't expecting this," she stammered._

"_Ok, I get it. It's cool," Fin said as he started to close the box. Olivia reached out with her gloved hands and grabbed his._

"_Yes," she said quietly. His eyes searched for hers, and he was surprised to see tears welling up in them. "I'll marry you." He removed her left glove and slipped on the ring. It was a perfect fit. _

"_Hey!" Fin yelled to the driver. "I'm gettin' married!" _

"_Congratulations!" the driver said as the couple wrapped their arms around each other in the back of the carriage. He reached out and gave the bell on the side of the carriage three sharp rings. Fin leaned in and kissed Olivia._

"_I can't wait for you to become Mrs. Tutuola," he said as they broke apart. Olivia chuckled._

"_Well, you could always become Mr. Benson…" she chided. He gave her a playful jab._

"_We'll discuss that one later," he said._

"_What? Is your macho ego too big for you to change your name?" she teased back. He decided the best way to end the discussion was by kissing her again._

XxXxX

"Family for Olivia Benson?" a nurse called out. Both Fin and Elliot stood. Elliot immediately realized what he had done and sat down again.

"I'm her husband," Fin said. The nurse nodded.

"Follow me," she said. The nurse led Fin back to one of the far bays. When he saw her, he couldn't stop himself from running.

"I'm fine…" she said, reaching her arms towards him. He grabbed her hands the instant he was within reach.

"Elliot said you were sick…" Fin began. He ran a hand through her hair. She opened her mouth to speak when a doctor pulled back the curtain.

"Ok, Ms. Benson, we've looked over your test results," the doctor told Olivia. Olivia nodded.

"Is she ok?" Fin asked.

"She's fine," the doctor said smiling. "The baby is too; you aren't miscarrying, but I do have some questions for you." Olivia's face turned red.

"Baby?" Fin asked, thoroughly confused. "You're…"

"Yeah," Olivia said quietly. She needed to get the attention off of this little fact and fast. "So why am I feeling so lousy, Doctor?" Fin still hadn't let go of her hand, which she took as a good sign.

"This can be an awkward conversation, but when was the last time you went to the bathroom?" the doctor asked.

"I'm pregnant; I pee about a hundred times a day," she answered, annoyed.

"That's not what I'm talking about," the doctor said. And then it clicked in Olivia's head. She tried to remember.

"I don't know, a few days ago maybe?" she said. The doctor nodded, as if Olivia had just confirmed her suspicions.

"You're constipated. That's what's causing the cramping. Oddly enough, the symptoms are similar to what you would experience during a miscarriage," the doctor explained.

"So, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the baby?" Olivia asked.

"Your baby is perfectly healthy," the doctor assured her. "Normally, I'd prescribe laxatives, but I don't want you on any medication, including over the counter. I'll have the nurse write up a list of high fiber foods. Try to incorporate them into your diet, and that should get things moving again. If it doesn't, then see your primary care physician, and we can explore other options, ok?" Olivia nodded.

"Take care of yourself, Olivia," The doctor said as she turned and headed out. Olivia finally managed to look at Fin.

"Baby?" he asked again.

"Yeah," she repeated.

"How far along are you?" he asked.

"About twelve weeks, I think," she said. _Twelve weeks and four days, exactly, _she thought. Her own obstetrician had told her where she was last week, and Olivia had calculated the date of conception from that.

"I thought we decided you weren't going to get pregnant again," Fin said, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that she was pregnant.

"_We_ didn't decide anything. _You_ were the one that said we should stop trying, so we did," Olivia reminded him. Fin didn't like the way she phrased that, like he was trying to control her. True, after the last miscarriage they had been distraught enough to stop actively trying for a baby, but when he reflected on it, she hadn't actually agreed to anything.

"Please tell me you're at least happy about the baby," Olivia said.

"Are you?" he asked.

"I know I love this child as much as I love Tina, and I thought that you would, too," she confessed.

"I do, I'm just trying to work everything out. What happened today?" he asked.

"I thought Elliot would have told you. I wasn't feeling well earlier, so he convinced me to see a doctor," she said.

"So, you weren't feeling well, and Elliot brought you to the hospital?" Fin asked. Olivia could tell by the tone in his voice that he was switching over from asking question to interrogating her. "Now, why would he do that? Stomachaches usually aren't cause for concern. And with you, all it takes is a couple of ibuprofens and you're fine. And yet, he rushed you to the emergency room."

"Can we discuss this at home?" Olivia asked. "Privately?"

"He knew, didn't he?" Fin asked.

"I said, we'll discuss it at home," Olivia said firmly. A nurse came into the room, effectively halting the conversation.

"Ms. Benson? These are your discharge papers and your doctor's instructions. She said to make sure you eat a high fiber diet and follow up with your regular doctor if you don't feel better in a few days. Do you have any questions?" the nurse asked. Olivia shook her head.

"No, I'm fine," she said.

"Then, if you sign here, we're all finished," the nurse said. Olivia picked up the pen and scribbled her name on the line. "Have a good day," the nurse said as she smiled and headed back down the hall. Olivia stood up and started to change out of the hospital gown and into her regular clothes.

"Why, Olivia?" Fin asked sharply. "Why did you tell him and not me?"

"I am not having this conversation in the middle of a crowded hospital. I'll answer all of your questions, but not until we get home," she told him in no uncertain terms. Fin tightened his jaw. It wasn't like her to keep secrets, and this was definitely a big one.

"Fine," he said gruffly. As soon as she was dressed he walked her back down to the waiting room where Elliot was still sitting in the same chair.

"Hey…" Elliot said, rising to meet them. It only took him a second to realize that neither of his friends was in a good mood. "Everything ok?"

"I'm fine," Olivia snapped. "Ready to head back to work?" she asked looking only at Elliot.

"No, we're going home. You need rest," Fin answered.

"Stop it. The doctor didn't say anything about rest. So no, I'm going back to work," Olivia said. Elliot wasn't sure what to do, and he was starting to feel awkward standing there.

"Like hell you are," Fin replied.

"Will you stop? You wanted to know why I didn't tell you, well, here it is! There's nothing wrong with me, and yet you insist on sending me home. Whether I'm at work or home, nothing is going to change whatever's going to happen," Olivia yelled.

"Liv, it's fine. Maybe going home isn't such a bad idea," Elliot added.

"You too? Fine, I'll go home, but the next time I get pregnant, remind me not to call either of you until I'm in the delivery room!" she yelled as she stormed out of the hospital.

"What happened back there?" Elliot asked Fin.

"You tell me. You seem to know everything else about her," Fin said as he took off after Olivia.

XxXxX

"Are you ready to talk about what happened earlier?" Fin asked Olivia after she had tucked Tina in for the night. She had reluctantly taken the rest of the day off while Fin finished out the day.

"That depends. Are you still angry?" she asked.

"I haven't decided yet," Fin said. It was as honest of an answer as he could give.

"Well, I shouldn't have yelled at you and Elliot," Olivia said, lowering herself onto the sofa next to Fin. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"Hormones," Fin answered, not quite ready to completely forgive her.

"Yeah, I guess I have been a little testy lately," she said.

"I still don't understand why Elliot knew you were pregnant, and I didn't. I thought when we got married that we agreed not to keep secrets from each other," he said. All of a sudden, Olivia's decision seemed wrong to her. She had wanted to protect him in case…well, it didn't really matter anymore.

"I didn't want to…it was just easier to tell him," Olivia said, and she hated just how flimsy her excuse sounded to her own ears.

"I'm your husband. Me. How long were you going to wait? Until you went into labor?" Fin said, his voice gradually climbing in volume. He stood up from the couch and started to pace. He wanted to hit something, anything, and yet, he couldn't do it.

"Don't be ridiculous," Olivia said.

"Oh, so now I'm being ridiculous," he yelled.

"Keep your voice down; you'll wake Tina," Olivia said and she stood to face him and crossed her arms over her chest. Fin walked closer to her, invading her personal space. He held her angry gaze.

"One more time, Olivia, and stop dancing around the answer. Why did you tell him before you told me?" he asked pointing an accusatory finger at her. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but there was really no answer she could give that would abate his anger.

"Because...it...he's not the baby's father," was the best way she could put it, and hearing it out loud, she realized how bad it sounded. God, she couldn't communicate anything to save her life tonight. She wanted to swallow the words and try to explain it again. But it was too late.

"So, there's a chance he could have been? What the hell is wrong with you, Olivia?" Fin stormed to the closet and yanked his coat from the hanger.

"Fin, wait..." Olivia pleaded.

"Forget it," he said, pulling the front door open.

"Stop...Fin!" But it was too late. The door had already slammed shut, and he was gone. What had she done?

XxXxX 

Inside Tina's bedroom, the little girl lay quietly, listening to her parents argue. She clutched her blankie closer to her chest and hung tightly to it. She didn't understand what they were talking about, but she knew one thing for sure. Her daddy had just walked out the front door.

_**Olivia: Thank you for not killing my baby.**_

_**Me: You're welcome. Who do I look like, Dan Truly?**_

_**Olivia: No, but you write like him.**_

_**Me: For shame! You know what? Shut up and let me do the writing.**_

_**Olivia: Make me.**_

_**There she goes again…I'll deal with her later. Anyway…what's up with Fin? Totally not cool. Stay tuned! Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_

_**Follow us on Twitter SVUEncyclopedia (BensonFan711) and OneSixMHChick89 (Bellatrix Wannabe 89)**_


	7. Chapter 7

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 7**

His eyes were glued to the screen as he watched the argument ensue between Fin and Olivia. Were they splitting up for good? At any rate, the most important piece of information he had gathered was that Olivia was pregnant.

"Hey, man, I think we might have a slight hitch," he called to his partner.

"Oh? What's going on?" the partner responded as he peered at the screen.

"She's pregnant," he said.

"With the nigger's kid? Call the doctor. Tell her we're going to require her services after all," the partner said.

XxXxX

Olivia stared at the closed front door, willing it to open. Her heart was in her stomach, and she thought that as long as she stood in that spot, he might come back. After half an hour, that seemed less likely, so she lowered herself back to the sofa, exhausted. She couldn't remember when the tears had started to fall, but they just wouldn't stop. Every time she though she was finished, another round overwhelmed her. She knew she should go to bed. It was getting late, and she had to be at the precinct early tomorrow, but the thought of walking the few feet to her bedroom overwhelmed her. Eventually, out of pure physical need than anything else, she fell asleep right where she was, curled up on the sofa.

Her body snapped in response to the alarm blaring from the bedroom. She quickly rubbed the sleep from her eyes and ran into the room, hoping that Fin had come home again last night. What she saw was the crisply made bed and the small clock next to her side of the bed flashing. She silenced the device and sat on the bed, not entirely sure what to do. Well, she had to get Tina to school. And she had to get herself to work. And somehow, she was going to have to get through this day.

She forced herself to wake Tina, shower, and dress herself. Tina presented herself dressed in a delightful ensemble of a dark purple sweater and yellow shorts. Normally, Olivia would have enjoyed the moment, but this morning, she was just irritated. Fin would have thought Tina was adorable.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?" Tina asked, looking up at Olivia with her big, sad brown eyes.

"Daddy's working," Olivia lied. She hated lying to her daughter, but she didn't want to scare her, and she certainly didn't want to say anything until she and Fin had figured out what they were going to do.

"Is he picking me up from school?" Tina asked.

"We'll see. Now, eat your breakfast." Olivia replied, setting a bowl of Cheerios in front of her daughter.

"No," Tina replied defiantly. Olivia rubbed her eyes. This really wasn't the morning for three-year-old antics, and yet, her three-year-old was filled with them.

"I'm not arguing today. Now, eat your breakfast, or you'll be hungry in an hour," Olivia told her.

"No," Tina said again, crossing her arms over her chest.

"_Yes. _I'm not going to tell you again. Either you eat your cereal, or the Cinderella DVD goes in my room for a few days," Olivia said. Tina's eyes went wide.

"No fairy godmother?" she asked.

"Nope, and no prince and no singing or dancing," Olivia said. Tina appeared to be considering Olivia's words carefully. Reluctantly, she picked up her spoon and starting eating small bites. Olivia didn't feel much like eating either, but in order to set a good example for her daughter, she managed some fruit and weak cheese. Her eyes were dry and scratchy from the hours she spent crying through the night, and she was tired. She tried to push the pain of her breaking heart aside and replace it with numbness. Methodically, she coerced Tina into weather appropriate clothing, did her daughter's hair, dropped her off at school, and headed to work.

As she strode into the squadroom, Fin looked up at her, and they briefly shared eye contact. Quickly, before she could say anything, he dropped his eyes back to the report on his desk. He missed her. He missed her melodious laughter, the sparkle in her eyes, the richness of her voice, and the warmness of her body. The night hadn't been easy for him either, and his back was still sore from sleeping on the precinct cots.

"Hey, Liv," El said as he approached her from behind, breaking her from her trance.

"Hey…" she replied. "Anything break on the John and Jane Doe case?"

"We IDed the victims yesterday. The parents were Kwame and Anne Owusu, and the daughter was Sophia. According to Warner, the parents both died of multiple stab wounds early in the day," he said, handing her the file containing Warner's report.

"What? That doesn't make sense. Wouldn't Sophia have been at school?" Olivia asked.

"She was. The school confirms that she was there the entire day," Elliot told her.

"So the perps killed mom and dad and then intentionally hung around, risking getting caught in order to kill the daughter? That's a stretch," Olivia said. Elliot shrugged.

"And, if your theory is true, and if this is the same guy that's responsible for the Akintola murders, why is Jenna still alive?" Olivia asked.

"That's the question everyone's been asking," Elliot said. "There's more, though. Turns out Anne Owusu was pregnant," he said.

"How far along?" Olivia asked.

"Thirteen weeks," Elliot answered. _Thirteen weeks._ Almost exactly the same as Olivia. Fin couldn't help overhearing their conversation; the squadroom was small and voices tended to carry. He felt a tear prick at his eyes, but he wasn't going to cry. The last time anyone had even seen him crying was when Olivia had her second miscarriage, and only she had seen it. Only her. She was the only one he could ever really drop his guard around, and even then, it had been a lone tear that lazily fell down his cheek. He shoved the desk a bit more forcefully than he should have and barreled through the corridors of the precinct.

Elliot saw his move and turned his eyes toward his partner. Her quiet resolve that she was working so hard was cracking.

"Liv? Everything ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine, El," she replied, twisting her gaze downward and sliding into her desk char. She immediately tried to focus on the material in front of her, but she hadn't been able to hide the way her voice was cracking. _I'm fine, El_. The same thing she had said to him when he asked her about Sealview, and it had haunted him for the past five years. He scanned the room. Traffic was starting to pick up with other officers showing up for work, citizens coming in to file reports or check on the status of their cases.

"Detective, can I have a word with you in the interview room?" he asked. Wordlessly, she stood and followed him into the darkened room.

"What happened?" he asked, his tone shifting from professional to concerned.

"He knows about the baby," she said quietly. Elliot was confused. That fact was revealed at the hospital yesterday, and yet for some reason, she felt it was necessary to state it again. Even so, every other time Olivia had told Fin she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. No, ecstatic didn't describe it. He was a completely different man.

"And he knows I told you first," Olivia added quietly. Aha. That was it. As much as Fin loved Olivia, he had a macho streak that could be his worst enemy at times. The alpha male side of his personality would have been threatened because Olivia broke the news to another man first.

"You explained it to him, right? You told him I figured it out on my own?" Elliot asked. She had her back to him and was staring through the barred window. "Olivia?" She swallowed the lump in her throat. Why couldn't he just shut up? "Liv?" Elliot said, stepping closer and placing his hands gently on her arms. She wasn't sure whether to slap him or let him hug her.

"He left me," she said quickly, her voice barely a whisper. Elliot's hands froze.

"What?" he asked, thinking his ears had failed him.

"He stormed out last night after I told him. I didn't have a chance to explain. He just got up and left." She allowed her mind to slip into the part of her brain that protected itself, the part that channeled anger instead of tears. She broke away from Elliot and began circling the room, trying to vent some of her pent up frustration. "What am I supposed to tell Tina? And where in the hell does he get off just walking away from her like that? He can be as pissed as he wants to be at me, but she shouldn't have to pay for it," she spat. Her jaw set itself in the steely expression she used in interrogations when she meant business. That stare, caught head on, could send chills through anyone.

"Liv, maybe you should take a day…just spend some time apart," Elliot suggested.

"Forget it, I just need to do my job," she replied, the composure returned. Only those closest to her could see that she was hurting. To everyone else, she appeared to be perfectly in control. She wrenched the knob on the door and stormed back to the bullpen. She had a case to solve. Elliot followed her, but instead of returning to his desk, he exited the squadroom and followed Fin's path down to the gym. When he got there, Fin was wailing pretty hard on a punching bag.

"Hey!" Elliot called to him. Fin glanced over and immediately turned his attention back to the bag.

"Get outta here, Stabler. It don't concern you," he said.

"I think it does," Elliot replied. "Where in the hell do you get off, walking out on her like that?"

"I told you, it's none of your business. I will take care of _my_ family the way _I_ see fit, got it?" Fin said, turning towards Elliot, preparing to fight him, if necessary.

"Walking out your wife isn't exactly taking care of her," Elliot challenged.

"Says the man who walked out on his own wife, or have you forgotten about that?" Fin challenged.

"First of all, Kathy asked me to leave. And secondly, we're not talking about me. Olivia didn't tell me about the baby," Elliot said.

"Then how in the hell did you know to take her to a hospital for a stomachache?" Fin asked, taking a step towards Elliot. He was looking for a fight, and Elliot didn't particularly want to give him one.

"It was the salad," Elliot answered.

"What salad?" Fin shouted back.

"We went out to lunch. Olivia ordered a salad with no dressing, and the only time she ever eats that is when she's pregnant," Elliot answered calmly. "I guessed, and she confirmed it. It's my fault. I back her into a corner, so if you want to be mad at someone, then be mad at me, but don't be upset with her." Salad with no dressing…his birthday…how did he not see that? How was it that Elliot knew his wife better than he did? He clenched his jaw and his fist, his anger building almost uncontrollably towards the man standing in front of him.

"Do you know why she didn't tell you?" Elliot asked. Fin just glared at him. "She didn't want to get your hopes up. She wanted to make sure she could carry the baby to term before she told you. Maybe it was a bad idea, but she…well, I don't have to tell you how stubborn she can be. But the fact is, she wanted to protect you."

"How in the hell do you know so much about my wife?" Fin spat.

"She's like my sister, man. I've worked with her side by side for years. You know this." Elliot paused for a moment. "How does Munch take his coffee?" Elliot asked.

"Black," Fin said immediately.

"And Olivia takes hers with cream and extra sugar. If we order sandwiches, what does Munch always get?" Elliot asked.

"Liverwurst with extra onions," Fin answered again.

"And Olivia always gets turkey and Swiss on wheat with light mayo. You just know these things. But Fin, there are things about her that you know that I never will," Elliot said.

"If that's supposed to be some crack about wanting to sleep with my wife…" Fin started confrontationally.

"I'm talking about Sealview," Elliot interrupted. And like someone had flipped a switch inside him, all of the anger drained from Fin's body. "She never told me, and I don't think she ever will." Elliot started to leave, but turned back.

"Just remember, all it takes is a lunatic perp with a gun and good aim, and she's gone." With that, Elliot left Fin alone in the gym with his thoughts. The last sentence cut through Fin like a knife. He was always conscientious of the fact that Liv could be taken away from him every day. That's why he always, _always_ told her he loved her before they headed in separate directions. He wanted to make sure, just in case, that the last words from him she ever heard were "I love you."

XxXxX

Olivia leafed through the stack of files on her desk. Wedged between two of the manila folders, she found a plain white envelope with her name typed on the front. She ripped it open and found a single white card with a swastika embossed on the front. Inside, a single typed word sat in the center of the page:

_Traitor._

_**This fic is flying, so expect another update soon. I'm out of witty comments at the moment, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Follow us on Twitter SVUEncyclopedia (BensonFan711) and OneSixMHChick89 (Bellatrix Wannabe 89)**_


	8. Chapter 8

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 8**

Olivia's hands trembled as she held the card in her hand. Her eyes surveyed the room, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary, everyone was going about their business paying no attention to her. After all that had happened, she was sure that her comrades must see her as being weak, and the last thing she needed was for them to overreact about something as silly as a threat. Besides, she was a cop. She got multiple threats on a monthly basis, mostly from disgruntled perps. The serious ones were dealt with, but the vast majority were just hoaxes, which had to be what this one was, too. She jammed the card back in the envelope and shoved it in the back of one her desk drawers. Her desk phone rang and she answered immediately.

"Special Victims Unit, Benson," she said into the phone.

"Liv, it's Melinda. I've got the DNA results from your case. You need to see this," Warner said.

"It's not in your report?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Not these. I sent you the preliminary report, but I had to wait for the DNA. It's better if we talk in person," Warner answered.

"Ok," Olivia said, rubbing her temple. "I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the phone and went in search of Elliot, running into him in the hall.

"Hey, grab your coat. Warner wants to see us," she said. Thirty minutes later, they were standing in Warner's lab.

"Please tell me you've got something we can use to nail this guy," Olivia said to Warner.

"I wish I could. The words written on the walls at both crime scenes are a match to both of Kimberly Akintola and Anne Owusu," Warner began. "Your perp was careful. He didn't leave any evidence of himself behind. All I found was spermicide."

"So he's using a condom," Elliot said. "So, what was the point of dragging us down here to tell us you've got nothing?"

"I'm not finished," Warner added. "Kimberly Akintola was gagged with a pair of panties. It was a long shot, but we tested for DNA on those, too, and we found two different samples."

"Two?" Olivia asked. "Then the second one's gotta be our perp."

"Guess again," Warner said. "The second one belongs to you, Detective." She was staring directly at Olivia. Olivia's jaw dropped. How could her DNA have gotten to a place she had never even visited, even during the processing of the crime scene?

"My DNA? Are you sure?" Olivia asked.

"I've run it three times. The chances of that DNA matching anyone else are one in billions. The only reason your DNA is in the system at all is because it's popped before," Warner explained. She was referring to the time when Olivia had been framed for murder, and she had requested that Warner run the DNA for comparison.

"Do you still have them?" Olivia asked. Warner nodded and handed her a plastic labeled bag containing a pair of black lace panties. Olivia studied the package in her hand.

"Have you seen those before?" Elliot asked her.

"They look like a pair I have, but they're not mine," Olivia said. She was sure of it.

"Have you seen them recently?" Elliot asked.

"What are you suggesting? That someone broke into my home, left everything completely undisturbed, lifted a pair of my panties, and left? Also leaving no sign of forced entry?" Olivia asked. Elliot knew she was right. It sounded completely absurd.

"Well, how else do you explain your DNA being present?" Elliot asked.

"I have no idea. But I'm going to find out," Olivia said. "Is there anything to suggest we're dealing with more than one killer?" she asked Warner, wanting desperately to deflect attention away from her.

"Yes, the stab wounds indicate a methodical pattern as well as a frenzied pattern. From the evidence, I would say one is controlled and the other is more of a passionate killer," Warner explained.

"Great, now we have two psychopaths to hunt down," Olivia said. With this new information, Olivia and Elliot headed back to the precinct, after grabbing lunch on the run.

"Liv? You're awfully quiet today," Elliot said in the car.

"I've just…got a lot on my mind, that's all," she answered.

"And Warner didn't help any," he said.

"Nope, she didn't," Olivia answered.

"Hey," Elliot said, reaching over and placing a hand on her knee. "No one thinks you had any part in this. It's gonna be ok," he said.

"Like it was on the Brady Harrison case?" she asked.

"Ok, in that case, your DNA was found on the murder weapon. We'll explain this. There's absolutely nothing else that points to you. At this point, it could still be a lab error," he said.

"Elliot, when was the last time Warner made a mistake?" Olivia asked.

"Exactly. She's due for one sometime, or else she's just not human," Elliot answered. Olivia couldn't help but smile.

"Do we have time to stop for ice cream?" she asked. "I have an insane craving for a hot fudge sundae." Elliot pulled the sedan into a parking space near the precinct, and they two stopped at an ice cream parlor half a block from the precinct to indulge Olivia's craving. She picked at the sweet treat as the walked back to the building.

"How is it?" Elliot asked.

"It doesn't taste right," she answered. They headed for the bullpen, and Olivia was almost at her desk when she realized what her sundae was missing. She walked to the break room, picked up the salt shaker, and proceeded to heap salt into the cup.

XxXxX

Fin had spent several more hours in the gym after Elliot had left. He screwed up, and he knew it. As he continued his circuits around the gym, the case before him crept into his thoughts. Mosi Akintola, African-American. Kimberly Akintola, Caucasian. Kwame Owusu, African-American. Anne Owusu, Caucasian. The words at the crime scene. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. He showered quickly, dressed, and headed back to his desk to check his facts. Liv's interview with Jenna was there as well as Elliot's preliminary crime scene report. And Sophia's last words: race traitor.

"He's a white supremacist," Fin said to Munch, out of the blue. Munch turned his head to the side and regarded Fin for a minute.

"Who is?" he asked.

"Our perp. It makes sense," Fin said as he proceeded to walk Munch through his conclusion. About halfway through the conversation, they brought Cragen into the theory. Piece by piece, the evidence started to make more and more sense. If you operated from that assumption, everything that had happened fit without making absurd stretches.

"Don't you get it? This is why Sophia died and Jenna didn't. In fact, Jenna was told that she had 'committed no sin,'" Fin said. "She was white."

"So were the other two female victims," Munch said, looking over his glasses at Fin.

"But they were married to black men," Fin countered. Munch took a moment to consider this statement.

"That's actually not bad. During the Holocaust, German women who married to Jews were treated harsher than Jews themselves," Munch observed. "They were considered to be soiling the purity of the German race."

"And our white victims would be soiling the purity of the white race, if we think like the perp," Cragen added. "Run with it. See if you can get a lead from any of the known white supremacist groups known to be operating in the New York area." As Fin got going on this new lead he noticed Elliot and Olivia returning from Warner's office.

"Tell me you two have good news," Cragen said. Olivia quickly excused herself and headed to the break room.

"What's with her?" Cragen asked. Elliot glanced over to her.

"Aw, she's just having a bad day, that's all." Elliot decided to keep Cragen's attention off of Olivia by telling him what Warner had informed them. He hesitated about adding the last part, but decided that Cragen could be trusted. He knew Cragen would do everything in his power to protect Olivia, if it came down to that.

Fin knew he needed to talk to her, and now was as good a time as any, especially while Elliot was busy with Cragen. He made it as far as the breakroom before he stopped.

"Hey," he said. Olivia turned to look at him, her face void of emotion.

"What do you want?" she asked flatly.

"Just to see how you're doing…is that salt?" he asked as he saw what she was doing to her sundae.

"Uh, yeah," Olivia answered. She took a bite. Yep, that was what she was craving. Fin shook his head. She had done the same thing when she was pregnant with Tina.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Here?" She was shocked. Usually, except for that one quick kiss in the morning when they arrived, they kept their personal relationship out of work. Fin shrugged. "That's probably not a good idea," she said. Fin nodded slowly. Apparently, he had hurt her more than he thought he had. He started to walk away.

"Tonight," Olivia called to him. He stopped and turned around. "After Tina goes to bed. We can talk tonight."

"Why don't I drop Tina off at my mom's, and we can talk after work? She's been bugging me for 'Grandma-time' lately anyway," Fin suggested.

"Your mom? C'mon, she hates me enough as it is," Olivia protested.

"I'll take care of it. You won't even have to talk to her. Besides, my mom's not that bad. Have you ever met Alex's mom? She makes mine look downright friendly," Fin told her. And it was true. Alex's mother had a nasty streak that was unparalleled. Olivia couldn't help the small smile that crept onto her face.

"Ok, but only as long as I don't have to deal with her," Olivia conceded.

"Done," Fin said. He paused for a second before turning back to her. "I love you," he said softly. She nodded, afraid her voice would betray her, and he went back to his work, hoping that he would be able to patch things up with Olivia. She agreed to talk to him; that was a good start.

"I love you, too," she muttered, so softly, only the ice cream in her cup heard her.

_**So, are these two lovebirds going to make it? Only time will tell!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it! Follow me (BensonFan711) on Twitter (SVUEncyclopedia) as well as my fabulous co-author, Bellatrix Wannabe 89 (OneSixMHChick89)**_


	9. Chapter 9

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 9**

"Nana!" Tina yelled.

"Hi, Baby! Come give Nana a hug!" Tianna Tutuola exclaimed at the sight of her beloved granddaughter. "Oh, you're getting so big!" she added as she crouched down and wrapped her arms around the toddler. "Why do you go get out your toys and play while I talk to your daddy for a few minutes." Tianna, like most grandmothers, loved to spoil her granddaughter, and she kept a supply of toys in a special box just for Tina. As Tina scampered off, Tianna stood and embraced her son.

"So, what's the big emergency?" she asked.

"It's…I just need to talk to Liv, and we didn't want Tina to overhear anything that she doesn't need to know," Fin explained.

"So, how is the little Snowflake these days?" Tianna asked, her voice laced with cynicism.

"Aw, c'mon, Mama. Don't call her that. I don't know why you just can't leave her alone," Fin said.

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it," Tianna said, holding up her hands, feigning innocence.

"Sure you didn't," Fin added sarcastically.

"Hey now, don't you sass your mother. Now, what's going on, Odafin?" Fin sighed. His mother was nosier than she should be, but she was still his mother.

"It's my fault, Mama. I got upset with her for something I shouldn't have, and no, I don't want to talk about it. Not until after I've worked out everything with Liv," Fin said.

"Well, maybe you should just take advantage of this situation and let her go for good. Then you can find yourself someone who will be a good wife for you," Tianna added.

"Liv *is* a good wife to me," Fin said, sharply.

"Yeah, but Tina really should have Mama she can relate to," Tianna countered.

"She can relate to her biological mother just fine," Fin said just as sharply. "I'll call after we're finished." And before Tianna could get another word in, Fin walked out the front door. Tianna shook her head and went to join Tina. She took one look at the awkwardly positioned pigtails on the child's head, and she just couldn't stand it.

"What on earth did your mama do to your hair, Baby?" She asked as she ran her fingers through one of them.

"Don't you think it looks pretty?" Tina asked, looking up at Tianna.

"I do, but how would you like to have your hair braided?" Tianna asked.

"You know how to do that?" Tina asked incredulously. Tianna nodded.

"I sure do. Why don't we do this, why don't you go pick out a movie to watch, and while the movie is playing, Nana will braid your hair?" Tianna said. Tina's face lit up, and she ran over to see what Tianna had in her DVD collection. She immediately found what she was looking for, and brought the case back.

"This one's my favorite!" Tina said, holding up the same copy of Cinderella she had at home. Tianna laughed.

"Somehow, I thought you might pick that one out," Tianna said as she put the disc in the player.

XxXxX

When Fin walked through the door of his apartment, he really didn't want to fight with Olivia. He knew he had gone too far with his accusation that she was having an affair. But, the fact that she had kept the pregnancy a secret was still bugging him. He didn't understand why she didn't feel like she could trust him.

He looked around the living room and kitchen with no sign of Olivia, and then he heard the undeniable sound of her retching, followed by the sound of a toilet flush. He always hated how sick pregnancy made her. He new she must be nearing the end of her first trimester, because that was when she always felt the sickest.

"Hey," he said, as she emerged from the bathroom. "Too much salt on your sundae?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, and she managed a weak smile. "These are for you," he added as he handed her a bouquet of roses. "They're not real," he added quickly. "I know that the smell of flowers makes you sick when you're pregnant."

"Thanks," she said softly, taking the flowers to the kitchen to find a vase for them. "So, are you still angry?"

"I just want to talk," he said, moving behind her and slipping his hands around her waist. He wasn't sure if he imagined it or not, but he thought he felt a slight swell in her belly. "I missed you last night," he said, inhaling the scent of her hair. He nuzzled the side of her face and placed a feather light kiss just behind her ear. Olivia jerked out of his arms.

"You don't get to do this," she said stubbornly. "You don't get to accuse me of having an affair, storm out of here, and then come back like nothing ever happened. It doesn't work like that."

"I'm sorry; you're right. I came to talk, so let's talk," Fin said. He led the way to living room sitting on one side of the couch. Olivia regarded him for a moment before perching herself on the other side of the sofa.

"Why did you leave?" Olivia asked softly. Fin chose his words carefully.

"I left because…because I wasn't sure what to think anymore. And I didn't want to say anything I'd regret later. Although, I managed to say plenty of things I regret now anyway," he began. Olivia nodded. Fin lifted Olivia's chin to turn her eyes towards his. "I *do* regret them. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. Not after last time. I just couldn't believe that you told Elliot you were pregnant before you told me, especially after I thought we had agreed we weren't going to have any more children."

"He figured it out on his own," Olivia said. "I didn't say a word to him about it, and I wasn't the one who stopped wanting kids. I want Tina to have a little brother or sister to grow up with; I've always wanted that."

"Elliot explained everything to me. I just…" he paused, fishing for words again. "That last miscarriage tore me apart, you know?" Olivia nodded. "I don't…I'm not sure either of us can handle that again."

"I know. That's why I didn't want to tell you until I was sure this baby would make it. I didn't try to get pregnant. It just happened, the same way the other three did," she said. Now it was her turn to pause. "I'm scared, Fin. I don't want to go through another one, either."

"Oh, Baby Girl, whatever happens, we'll get through it," Fin said, reaching out to grab her hand.

"Will we?" she asked. "Remember what happened the last time?"

_**One year ago…**_

_Fin rolled over in his sleep and felt something wet underneath his hip. He opened his eyes slightly, recoiling from the wetness. _

"_Liv?" he asked groggily. He sat up and saw, in the darkness, that the covers on her side of the bed had been thrown back. Light seeped into the room underneath the bathroom door. Fin switched on the lamp on his nightstand, and realized that what he had rolled onto was a deep red stain. He threw back his own covers and rapped softly on the bathroom door._

"_Liv?" he called again. He heard sounds he couldn't quite identify from behind the door. "Liv? Can I come it?" And then he heard a distinctive sob. "Liv, I'm coming in." She hadn't locked the door, and when he opened it, he saw her curled on the floor of the bathroom, clinging to the side of the toilet. The bottom half of her nightgown was stained with blood. She looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes._

"_It's happening again…" she whispered. His heart was already breaking. _

"_Ok, Baby Girl, come on, let's get you back to bed, and we'll call the doctor," Fin said calmly._

"_No…stop!" she cried as he reached out for her. He stopped. "I'm gonna be sick," she added, but nothing came up. "Don't leave, please don't leave," she cried, clinging to the only part of him she could reach, his left ankle._

"_I'm just gonna go get the phone. I'll be right back." Fin said. He knelt down next to her Her frantic fingers clung to his hands._

"_No, please don't go," she said through her sobs. _

"_Sweetheart, I have to. You need help. I promise, I'll be right back," he said, as he pried her hands off of him. It tore him apart to leave her in her condition. He swallowed the ball of emotion threatening to overwhelm him as he kicked into cop mode. Seconds later, he was by her side, phone in hand. _

"_Come here, Baby Girl," he said, settling himself near her. She shifted slightly and allowed him to pull her into his arms, cradling her like a small child. Fin's finger deftly swept across the keypad._

"_Mama, I've gotta get Liv to a hospital. Can you come over and stay with Tina?" Fin asked. He paused._

"_I'm not having that discussion right now. Can you stay here or not?" he asked. Olivia closed her eyes, sure that Tianna's objection to coming over had more to do with her dislike of Olivia than the fact that she had been woken in the middle of the night. _

"_It's ok, just call Elliot," Olivia breathed. Fin moved the phone away from his mouth._

"_Don't be ridiculous. Elliot's an hour away; Mama can be here in ten minutes," Fin said. He moved the phone back to his mouth. "Fine, we'll see you soon." He punched the button on his phone and quickly made his second call._

"_911, what is your emergency?" the operator said._

"_This is Detective Tutuola of the 1-6. I think my wife is having a miscarriage." He probably shouldn't have used his professional identification for a personal matter, but if it would help get Olivia to the hospital faster, well, he was willing to do it._

"_How far along is she?" the operator asked. Fin did the math in his head. Liv had had her twelve week check-up two weeks ago, so…_

"_Fourteen weeks," he said._

"_What is her current condition?" the operator asked._

"_She's bleeding heavily and she's nauseous," he relayed._

"_Is she in any pain?" the operator asked._

"_Liv, does it hurt?" he asked._

"_Yeah…it's like a really bad period," she said, and Fin relayed the message to the operator._

"_Ok, Detective, an ambulance has been deployed. ETA, 7 minutes," the operator said. Fin hung up the phone, and dropped it on the floor next to him. His now free hand cradled the slight bulge of Olivia's belly that he knew only held his dead child. He knew he was supposed to stay on the line, but he had accomplished what he needed. All he could do was wait. The sounds of Olivia's soft sobs echoed off the bathroom walls, and as hard as he tried to fight it, a single tear drifted lazily across his cheek. He hated seeing his wife in such emotional and physical pain, and he wanted to do nothing more than weep for his own child right beside her. But she needed him to be the strong one right now. He had to take charge of the situation, because she was in no condition to help herself. He wiped away the offending drop of moisture and continued to murmur soothing words to Olivia. He heard the front door open after what seemed like hours, but was only minutes in actuality._

"_Odafin?" a familiar voice called._

"_In here!" he yelled back. Tianna stood in the doorway of the bathroom staring at the sight of her son cradling his bleeding wife. Liv's face was buried in his chest, and he was stroking her hair. Fin looked up at her. Tianna opened her mouth to say something._

"_Don't," he mouthed. She left and returned moments later. Taking the side of Olivia she could reach she pulled Olivia's arm around her own shoulder. _

"_Alright, Sweetie, up you go," she said, helping Liv get to her feet. Fin took Olivia's other side and followed his mother's lead. Together, they pulled Olivia the few feet to the living room, where Tianna had covered the sofa in beach towels. _

"_Ok, let's sit you down here," Tianna said. She started moving the coffee table._

"_What are you doing, Mama?" Fin asked. Olivia had reached out and pulled him back to her in a vice grip. He was shifting her so that he could hold her a bit more comfortably._

"_Well, the paramedics are going to have to be able to get to her," she said, followed by a knock on the door._

"_FDNY Paramedics," came a strong voice from behind the door. Tianna rushed to open it, and guided the paramedics to Olivia's side. As they were strapping her to the stretcher and firing questions at her, Fin stood by, feeling completely helpless. She reached out and grabbed his hand._

"_Don't leave," she said._

"_Go. I'll take care of everything here," Tianna told Fin._

"_I'm not going anywhere, Baby," he told Olivia, as they rushed her out of the apartment._

_Olivia lost the baby that night and spent several days in the hospital due to the severe hemorrhaging that had accompanied the miscarriage. She had been sent home with orders to stay in bed as much as possible so that her body could focus on healing. With a two-year-old at home, she was going to need help. There was no way Fin could take as much time off as he needed to get to work, so he had, once again, turned to his mother for help. The night of the miscarriage, Tianna had taken it upon herself to strip their bed, clean up the blood that had soaked through, and remake it before either of them got home. Tina had missed her mother, but she was fine in the hands of her grandmother._

"_Olivia, you really should try to eat something," Tianna had said a few days after Olivia had been released. She was alone in the house with Fin's mother and Tina. Tianna was carrying a tray with toast and a cup of tea. _

"_I'm not hungry," Olivia said, rolling over and curling into a ball. Tianna set the tray down next to the bed and perched herself on the edge._

"_I get it. You're upset about the baby, but you're not helping yourself by refusing to eat," Tianna said._

"_Just go away," Olivia said. Tianna shook her head._

"_Can't do that. I promised my son I would look after you, and that's what I'm going to do," Tianna said firmly. "Now, come on, sit up and eat." Still Olivia didn't move. "The only way I'm leaving is if that toast is in your stomach." That did it. Olivia sat up and nibbled the toast. Surprisingly, having even a small bit of food in her stomach was helping her tremendously._

"_Tianna, why do you hate me so much?" Olivia asked after a period of awkward silence._

"_I don't hate you, Olivia," Tianna answered. "I just don't think you're the right sort of woman for my son."_

"_Oh? And what's that supposed to mean?" Olivia asked, slightly offended. Tianna sighed._

"_There are things that you can't understand. Things that he's been through, things that Tina will go through," she said._

"_I can try. I love Fin and Tina more than anyone else in the world. Isn't that enough?" Olivia asked._

"_Maybe in a perfect world, hon. But this world is far from perfect. There are those that will judge them both on the color of their skin, and that my dear, is something you've never experienced and can never understand," Tianna said. Before Olivia could utter another word, Tianna stood up and whisked the tray away, which contained a few crumbs and an empty mug. Olivia never told Fin about that conversation because deep down, she wondered if maybe Tianna was right. But then again, no one could love her family the way she could, and that was something that could never be replaced._

_As the days went on, Olivia felt stronger and stronger, and Tianna's presence was required less and less. Still, Fin continued to work, and he was taking longer and longer to get home. She felt him slipping away._

_Then one night, it became abundantly clear what his problem was. He stumbled in well after she and Tina had gone to bed and settled next to her. He reached for her, and as he kissed her, she noticed the distinctive taste of scotch on his breath. _

"_Not tonight," she said, turning away from him. She always refused sex after he had had a few drinks._

"_Come on, Baby, I need you," he said, pulling her back to him. One arm gripped her around the waist while the other hand slipped under her nightgown and pawed at her panties. She could feel his hardness pressing into her back as he held her to him._

"_I said stop it," she told him a bit more forcefully, pulling away from him again. He just crawled closer to her._

"_Do you know what you do to me? Come on, let me fuck you," he whispered to her. He took her earlobe into his mouth and started to nibble on it as his fingers travelled closer to her core. She tried to squirm away, but Fin easily won out against Olivia's grasp, and she bit her lip fight back the tears as he began to rub his fingers roughly between her legs._

"_I'm gonna fuck you so hard, Baby Girl," he muttered as he tried to aim his fingers at her entrance, missing by a mile._

"_I said, get OFF!" she shouted before she slapped him hard across the face. Fin grabbed his face. He couldn't believe she had actually hit him. She took advantage of his shocked reaction to push him off of her and scramble out of bed. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled, glaring at him. Fin crawled out of the bed after her, stumbling slightly as he got to his feet._

"_What's wrong with me?" he yelled back. "You're my fucking wife! You're supposed to fuck me whenever I want! And we all know that the reason you married me was because Elliot would never fuck you." He grabbed for her again, but in his impared state, she sidestepped and he missed, falling forward and crashing into the dresser. Olivia's jewelry box fell to the floor shattering and spilling its contents. _

_And then she heard a wail from Tina's room. _

_She was stunned by his accusations, and years of experience had taught her not to argue with someone that drunk. She swung the bedroom door open with the intention of going to her daughter. Fin grabbed for her wrist and roughly pulled her toward him, so she did the only thing she could think of. She kneed him in directly in the groin. He dropped her wrist as he doubled over in pain, and she knew she had a minute before he recovered enough to lunge for her again._

"_Get OUT, or so help me God, I'll call for back up," she said in a low, even, firm voice as she picked up her cell phone from the dresser. She turned and she rushed to Tina's room. Once she was safely inside, she locked the door. Tina was sitting up in her bed, crying hysterically. Olivia rushed to her daughter and pulled her close._

"_It's ok, Baby, Momma's here," Olivia said. Sure enough, Fin's angry fists were banging on the door. _Who's on call? _Olivia thought, knowing whoever it was would be at the precinct moments away. And knowing the answer, she made the call._

"_Cragen," she heard after she punched in the precinct number. She still had Tina wrapped in her arms._

"_It's Liv," she said. "I need help." Cragen snapped to attention. _

"_What's going on?" he asked._

"_Look, I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but Fin's out of control," she said._

"_Out of control…how?" Cragen asked. He feared the worst, but he was going to need to hear it from Olivia before he did anything else._

"_He's drunk, and he's…pretty much lost his mind," Olivia said. Tina was pressing her small body into Olivia's chest. "This isn't him, Captain." She added defensively. Cragen knew all too well what she meant._

"_I'm on my way. I want you to stay on the line with me until I get there, ok?" he said. Fin banged on the door again._

"_Are you listening to me, Liv?" he yelled._

"_I'm ok, Captain," she said. She heard the sirens in the background, and before she knew it, she heard Cragen at her front door._

"_What're you doin' here, Captain?" Fin slurred._

"_C'mon, Fin. You've overstayed your welcome," Cragen said. _

"_This is MY house, and I'll say when I leave," Fin shouted._

"_I think Olivia's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want you here anymore," Cragen said._

"_Olivia? She's fine. That frigid bitch just needs a good fuck, and I'm gonna give it to her!" Olivia jumped as she heard him pound at the door again. She was pushing the memories of Sealview down, but she couldn't stop the tears. Not this time._

"_Make him stop, Momma!" Tina wailed, clinging to Olivia. _

"_It's ok, Baby, it's ok," Olivia soothed, rubbing her daughter's back. "Help is here."_

"_Fin, you've got two choices," Cragen's voice was raised now. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be." Olivia heard more shuffling followed by the front door shutting. After she caught her breath, she moved towards Tina's door._

"_Momma?" Tina asked._

"_Shhh," Olivia said gently. She opened the door a crack. The apartment was empty. She threw the lock on the front door and went back to Tina._

"_Do you want to sleep with Momma tonight?" she asked. The little girl nodded and raced to her mother's bed. Olivia closed the door to her own bedroom, locked it, and snuggled next to her daughter. _

"_Was that Daddy?" Tina asked. Olivia's heart broke. _

"_It's gonna be ok," Olivia said, as she rubbed Tina's back. "Momma will protect you." And she would._

_XxXxX_

_Olivia had called Cragen's personal line, not his work phone, so he wasn't under any obligation to arrest Fin just yet. Instead, he took the drunk cop to his apartment and let him pass out on his couch. Once he was sure Fin was out, the older man went back to the precinct to finish out his shift, which would overlap slightly with Olivia's. Mercifully, Fin wasn't on duty the next day._

"_Olivia, a word?" he asked as she walked in. She looked like hell, and was hitting an extra large coffee pretty heavily._

"_About last night…" he began._

"_I'm not pressing charges, Captain," she said. "I just needed a friend to help out. Like I said last night, it's the booze talking, not him."_

"_There's still time, you know," he said, noticing the purpling around her wrist where Fin had grabbed her. She tugged down the sleeve of her shirt to hide it again. "How long has this been going on?" he asked._

"_The drinking? I don't know…it started right after the miscarriage, I guess. But last night was the first time he ever laid a hand on me," she said._

"_He's at my place, in case you were wondering. We're we go next is your call," Cragen said. "Based on what I saw last night, I have probably cause to arrest him for assault, and possibly attempted rape. Liv," He waited until her eyes met his. "I'm worried about you."_

"_I'm fine. It was the alcohol talking. After everything he did for me after Sealview, I can't repay him with this, but…" she trailed off._

"_He needs help," Cragen said softly._

"_He needs help," she repeated. Cragen nodded. "If he gets it, I'll drop the charges, but he only gets one chance." Her jaw set. Cragen grabbed his coat and headed out to have his talk with Fin._

"_Do you want to tell me why you assaulted your wife last night?" Cragen asked the minute he walked through the front door. Fin was sober, but nursing a whale of a headache._

"_I…" Fin started._

"_Before you start to deny it, remember who you're talking to," Cragen said. _

"_I'm sorry, Captain. It won't happen again," Fin said._

"_Oh, I know it won't. The question is, how are we going to do this? Because she has every right to file charges, and you know that an assault complaint will cost you your shield. You're a good detective. I'd hate to lose you," Cragen told him bluntly._

"_I know. I can't believe I did that to her last night. God! What am I gonna do?" Fin said._

"_Do you want help?" he asked. Fin recalled as much as he could of last night, the things he had said to Olivia, scaring Tina, and he hated himself for it._

"_Yeah," Fin said softly. "I don't want to lose her."_

"_Ok. Here's what we're going to do. Thankfully, your wife has agreed to let this matter drop as long as you get help. Now, I can get you to a meeting, but you're going to have to patch up things with Olivia on your own, got it?" Cragen told him in no uncertain terms. Fin considered his options. He was well on his way to losing both his family, his career, and possibly his freedom. Cragen was offering him a lifeline. _

"_Ok," Fin had answered. _

"_And if you EVER lay a hand on her again, start running, because she's going to be the least of your concerns. I'll arrest you myself," he warned._

"_Got it," Fin answered._

_Two weeks, after crashing at his mother's house, who was thrilled that this could be the end of his marriage, and fourteen meetings later, he sat down to talk to Olivia, alone. _

"_I swear, it will never happen again," he had told her. He had explained about the meetings and that he hadn't touched a drop since that night. Olivia knew that the things he had said and done were a result of the alcohol and not really him. _

"_I will take you back under one condition," she said. _

"_Name it," Fin said._

"_You stay sober. And I mean it. If you EVER come home drunk again, that's it. We're done. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let Tina go through that," she said frostily. _

"_I promise," Fin said, and he meant it. Olivia had done everything she could to support him from throwing out all of the liquor in the house to attending counseling sessions with him. _

"And we got through it last time," Fin said quietly. "Because we were determined to." He took her pale hands into his dark ones. "Liv, I almost lost you that time. I won't make that same mistake again. And just to show how serious I am, there's something else I picked up for you." He reached into his jacket and produced a small wrapped package. Olivia eyed him warily.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Open it and find out," he said, with a small smile. She carefully undid the wrapping and unfolded the cloth inside, revealing an infant sized New York Yankees onesie. "This one's a boy; I'd bet my life on it," he told her. She smiled and pulled him into her arms and kissed him deeply.

"God, I love you," he murmured between kisses.

"Mmmm…I love you, too," she said back. "But you still have to go pick up Tina."

_**Me: This needs to be split into two chapters…**_

_**Bellatrix Wannabe 89: Nah, it's fine. Long chapters are good.**_

_**Me: But I don't want to get nailed when the next chapter's back to regular length.**_

_**Bellatrix Wannabe 89: Post it.**_

_**Me: No, it needs to be split…seriously.**_

_**Bellatrix Wannabe 89: Don't make me break out my M16…**_

_**Me: *gulp* Fine! I'll post it! **_

_**The moral of this story, kids, is don't get used to the chapter length. It was necessary to show all of the elements we needed in this chapter.**_

_**Anyway…what are your thoughts! Let us know! Oh, and for all of you Hunger Games fans out there, check out my new HG fic!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 10**

Olivia was still puzzled as to how her DNA wound up at her latest crime scene. She knew her name was going to come up as a suspect, as ridiculous as it was, but it had happened before. She wanted to be able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that those were not her panties. She went into her bedroom and opened her underwear drawer. She went through each and every pair before deciding that they weren't clean.

But wait, did that make sense? Had she worn them recently? _Get a grip, Liv. You can't remember what you had for lunch yesterday let alone which pair of panties you've worn in the past week, _she thought. The laundry. That's where they had to be. She went into the closet and started pawing through the hamper she shared with Fin. A quick sift of the clothes turn up nothing, so she resorted to more drastic measures. She pulled the hamper out of the closet and dumped the contents on the floor. She would go through each and every piece of clothing if she had to in order to find them. She was about halfway through her task when she heard the front door open. She stepped out into the living room and saw Fin with a sleeping Tina draped over his shoulders. He took the sleeping toddler into her bedroom, Olivia went to help him put Tina to bed. As he laid Tina on her bed, Olivia noticed what Tianna had done.

"She put her hair in _cornrows?_" Olivia hissed.

"What's the big deal? My sister had them all the time when we were kids," Fin answered in a hushed whisper.

"The big deal…" Tina rolled over with a moan, and Olivia immediately lowered her voice as soon as she had settled. "The big deal is that she'll be awake in an hour because her head hurts from sleeping on them." Olivia was gently changing Tina into pajamas.

"So, I'll take them out if she does," he said.

"You know how to remove them without pulling her hair?" Olivia asked.

"Sure. It's not that hard," Fin said confidently. Olivia rolled her eyes, but kept her mouth shut. They had gotten through the worst of their argument, and she didn't want to kick up any more dust over something as minor as Tina's hair. Hormones…that had to be why she was so irritated. It's was the damn hormones. She tucked Tina in, kissed her on the forehead, and went back to her room to continue her search.

"Looking for something?" Fin asked, peering over her shoulder.

"Yeah. Have you seen my black lace panties recently?" she asked.

"Why? Were you planning to wear them? Because if you were…damn, Girl, I'm a lucky, lucky guy," he said. She gave him a playful jab.

"Stop it. No, it's just…" she began. Fin noticed the change in her expression.

"It's just, what?" he asked. Olivia sighed.

"Well, you're going to find out soon anyway, so I guess I can tell you now. I got a call from Warner this morning about DNA results from the Akintola crime scene. Kimberly Akintola was found gagged with a pair of black lace panties, and there were two DNA samples on them," Olivia explained.

"Go on," Fin said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"The first, obviously, was Kimberly's, and the second was mine," Olivia told him.

"Yours?" Fin asked. "How is that possible? You were never even at that crime scene. Munch and I processed that one."

"I know, I know," Olivia said quickly. "I saw the panties collected from the crime scene, and they look like a pair of mine. Now, there's no possible way they are mine, right? I mean, we would have noticed if someone broke into our home." Fin considered what she was saying carefully. Yes, two cops living in the same apartment would have noticed a break in. He also knew that Olivia wouldn't stop worrying about it until she found them.

"I'll help you look," Fin said, kneeling on the floor next to her. Piece by piece they sorted through the laundry, until each article had been returned to the hamper. "Did you check your drawer?" he asked. Olivia nodded. She stood up and returned the hamper to the closet.

"First place I looked," she said.

"Could they be at the precinct? In your locker, maybe?" he said. She shook her head.

"No, I *think* I remember wearing them recently, but I can't remember," she said.

"If you did, then they'll turn up," Fin answered. He wrapped his arms around her. "And they'd better, because if it's the pair I think it is, they make you look smokin' hot." She smiled.

"You think I look hot in anything," she quipped.

"True, and I think you look amazingly hot right now," he said leaning towards her for a kiss. She was still in her black work slacks and dark purple button down she had worn to work that day. "I hate fighting with you," he said between kisses. He kissed his way up her jaw to her neck, eliciting a sweet moan from her.

"Ohhh…I hate fighting with you, too," she said. She brought her arms up to his neck and pulled him closer to her. He continued to tease at the spot behind her ear that drove her crazy, lashing it with his tongue and lightly sucking on the skin. Not enough to leave a mark, but enough to turn her to a puddle of mush. Olivia felt a warm twinge between her legs, and at the rate he was going, he was going to get exactly what he wanted. Fin ran his hands down her back and cupped her ass. She let out a small shriek as she felt him lift her up, and she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist for balance.

He closed and locked the bedroom door before laying her on her back in the center of the bed. He put one hand on each of her cheeks and stared hungrily into her eyes for a minute while she stroked his biceps gently. His head dipped lower to kiss her again, and he probed her lips with his tongue, pulling another moan from her. His hands drifted lower, caressing her through her clothes. When he felt her start to squirm underneath him, he moved his fingers to the top button of her blouse. She felt his hardness against her as he started to grind into her core. She whimpered, and moved her hand to help him get her blouse undone. As soon as her hands found a button, his larger ones covered hers and he gently moved them back to her sides. She couldn't remember the last time she had been *this* turned on while still fully dressed.

"Slow down, Baby Girl, we've got all night," Fin said softly, as he continued undoing her blouse at his own slow, steady pace. She moved her hand to where he was pressed against her and grabbed for the bulge in his pants.

"Mmmm…don't do that," he said, pulling his hips back from her. "Unless, of course, you want this to end before we even get going." She switched tactics again, this time grabbing for his polo shirt. She bunched the back and tugged at the garment. In order to appease her somewhat, Fin helped her pull the shirt from his back. Instantly her hands were at his chest, caressing the toned muscle underneath. He finally reached the bottom of her shirt and pushed the garment off her shoulders. She sat up slightly so she could remove it completely and tossed it aside. She crossed her arms in front of her to rip the tank top from her body, but once again, Fin settled her back on the bed and put her hands at her sides.

Olivia's body was on fire. She wanted him to tear her clothes off and plunge deep inside her, filling her to the brim, but he was so insistent on going slow. Each touch was too light, too soft, inching her ever so slowly higher. His hands found the hem of her tank and he pushed it up over her tummy. He bent down and began laying kisses on it while his hand caressed her.

"Hi, baby," he whispered. "I'm your Daddy." Olivia smiled. She loved when he talked to her tummy while she was pregnant. At this point, her belly rounded slightly, noticeable to both her and Fin, but no one else would guess she was pregnant. As he continued to caress her, she reached for the hand on her stomach and tried to guide it up to her breast.

"You know what?" Fin said to her abdomen. "I think Mommy wants a little attention."

"Mommy wants more than just attention," Olivia answered, slightly breathless.

"Oh?" Fin said, looking up at her. "You mean like this?" He slipped his hand underneath the tank and massaged her bra-covered breast.

"Oh, God," Olivia moaned, throwing her head back. Her breasts had always been sensitive, but when she was pregnant, well, she swore she could cum just from the attention to her breasts alone. He gracefully slid both hands up her sides, and in a perfect choreographed movement, she sat up so he could pull the tank off of her body. His hands went back to her breasts and he gave them a careful massage through her bra. She arched into his hands, moaning at the delicious sensations. His eyes watched her face, carefully judging her and gauging her arousal. Her eyes were closed, and her panting was punctuated by soft moans. He lowered his lips and sucked on one of her pert nipples through the lace. He slid his hands under her and deftly undid the clasp, and in seconds, her bra joined the rest of her discarded clothing. His lips found her rock hard nipple and he began to suck in earnest, while palming the other. Her moans were almost constant.

"Ooooo…don't stop…don't ever stop…" she breathed. He smiled around her breast. He had no intention of stopping. Her body was trembling, and the sensation from her breasts was going right to her core. Fin stopped long enough to switch to the other nipple, giving it the same attention he gave the first. Olivia's hands fisted the sheets, her eyes rolling back into her head. The sounds coming from her were erratic, frenzied. Her body tensed, her back arched, and scream ripped from her throat. A flood of wetness filled her still clothed bottom half.

Holy fuck, did she just…

Her chest heaved as the waves passed. Her staccato breathing slowed. When she calmed down, she looked down at her chest. Fin's hand was still on one breast, and he was staring at her in awe. She guided him back up her body and locked her lips with his once again.

"That was incredible," she said.

"Mmm…and it's going to get even better," Fin said, kissing her again. He felt the blood rush through her body again. She used her body weight and rolled them so she straddled him.

"Stop playing games. I want you in me," she said, her lips inches from his. She leaned back on him and undid popped the button her pants, followed by a slow pull of the zipper. Using a cat-like maneuver she pulled both slacks and panties off her body. He used his hand to skim her sides, rubbing his fingers over her tummy lovingly. She undid the button of his pants, and was working the zipper over his erection, when she heard the jiggling of the doorknob.

"Daddy?" came a small voice from the other side of the door. Olivia started to move off Fin, but he held her in place.

"What do you need, honey?" he called.

"I can't sleep," she said.

"Why not?" he called back.

"My head hurts," she said, jiggling the doorknob again. Olivia crossed her arms and raised and eyebrow, wearing a very satisfied smile.

"I told you," she said in a sort of sing-song voice, quietly enough that Tina wouldn't hear her.

"Sweetheart, go back to bed and try to sleep. We'll take the braids out in the morning," Fin called. He desperately wanted to get back to Olivia.

"No, your mother started this; you're going to fix it," Olivia said, climbing off him.

"No, Daddy! Can I come in?" Tina asked, jiggling the door again. Olivia slid off of Fin and grabbed her bathrobe. Fin groaned as he refastened his pants. Once he was decent, Olivia opened the door. Tina ran to Fin.

"Fix it, Daddy," she said, tugging on his arm.

"Ok, ok…Daddy will fix it," Fin grumbled as Tina dragged him from the bed. '

"Hmmm, I think I'll just head off to bed," Olivia mused as she climbed into bed again, sticking her ass in the air slightly.

Fin simply looked at her for the longest moment, ignoring the incessant pulling on his arm by his daughter. He shook his head as he turned away from the sight that could make him go hard in a matter of moments.

"When I get back, your ass better still be awake!" he called out as he led Tina into the living room.

"Language!" Olivia reminded him as she got up from the bed to pull on a nightgown.

"Liv! Do you have a comb anywhere?" Fin called from the next room.

"Uhh…I think there's one in my purse!" she yelled back. Fin rummaged through her purse, and in addition to the comb, he found a small white envelope with her name typed on the front. He opened it, and his jaw dropped. He quickly put the card back in the envelope and went to work on Tina's hair.

Olivia closed her eyes while she waited for Fin to finish with Tina. Something was bugging her, but she couldn't quite put a finger on it. Her mind chased fragments of thought as she tried to narrow down the uneasiness she was feeling. The note. She had taken the "traitor" note out of her desk and shoved it in her purse. Which is exactly where she had just sent Fin.

"Liv?" Fin asked, standing in the doorway. "What's this?" He was holding up the note.

_**The plot, she thickens…where are we going next? Are Fin and Liv about to fight again? Hope you enjoyed Tina's antics in this chapter…I know I did!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it! And…for all of you Hunger Games fans out there, check out my new Hunger Games fic, Tribute Victor Mentor Spy!**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"It's nothing," Olivia said, sitting up in bed. "It's just some disgruntled sleazebag trying to scare me, that's all."

"I don't like it," Fin said, pacing the room.

"It's _nothing_," Olivia said, crawling out of bed to still him. She looked into his eyes. "Just a meaningless threat. That's _all_." He was trying to figure out how to get her to see what he saw.

"Ok, let's do this. Hypothetical case. Two crime scenes. The first has a dead white woman and black man, husband and wife. White daughter survives, and the word 'traitor' is found written in the wife's blood. Daughter reports that her mother had been receiving letters that made her panic in the days leading up to the murders. Second crime scene. Dead white wife, dead black husband, dead interracial daughter. Now, the DNA of a white woman, who happens to be married to a black man, was found at crime scene number one, and this same white woman has received a note with the same word found written in blood on the wall. Throw in the swastika symbol on the note, and what conclusions can you draw, Detective?" he explained. She had to see what he saw because it scared the hell out of him.

"I see a Detective who's making a mountain out of a molehill," Olivia said back.

"Liv, come on, what would you advise this woman, if she was anyone other than you?" he asked.

"Ok, so the pattern fits. But we don't know how he's finding these couples. There are millions of people in this city. What are the odds that he would find us?" she asked. Fin took both of her hands in his.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," he said. She moved a hand to his cheek.

"I'm fine," she whispered. "Now, would you like to finish what you started earlier?" she said as she turned in is arms and ground her ass lightly against him while gazing seductively over her shoulder. His hardness returned quickly. "As you can see, my ass is still awake," she said, winking at him. He ran his hands along the silky material of her nightgown while he tilted his head to kiss her neck.

"You're not wearing underwear," he breathed in her ear.

"I wasn't planning to be dressed for long," she whispered back. He lifted the garment over her head and drank in her glorious form. He turned her in his arms so she was facing him again and brought his lips to hers. She kissed him back eagerly. Fin pulled Olivia back to the bed. She rolled on her stomach, pushing her ass into the air. He watched her as he shucked his pants and boxers, freeing his erection. He laid down next to her and stroked her back and ass. She moaned as her head turned toward the pillow under her.

"Roll over, Baby. I want to see your eyes," he said gently.

"But this is how you like it," Olivia said, pushing her ass a little farther in the air. Fin had different ideas.

"And tonight is about you," Fin whispered to her as she purred. He gently rolled her to her back and settled between her legs, nudging her entrance.

"Please…" she said softly.

"Shhh…you don't have to beg," he told her. She bucked her hips, trying get him where she needed him to be. He gently placed his hands on her shoulder to still her.

"Let me show you how much I love you," he whispered to her. He bent down wrapping his upper body around hers. He pushed in slowly, and she groaned. He peppered her face with soft kisses as he waiting minute for her to adjust to him. Her legs wrapped around his waist. She loved this kind of sex, being able to feel him so close to her.

"You feel so good, Baby Girl," he murmured to her. His strokes were long, slow, and deep. He pushed past her G-spot with every thrust, leaving her panting. He could feel the pressure slowly building in his balls as he continued to thrust, while keeping his eyes locked on hers. Her pupils were wide, dark, and filled with lust.

"I love you," she whispered to him.

"I love you, too, Baby Girl," he whispered back. He leaned down and kissed her again, his tongue mimicking the actions of his lower body. She moaned with every thrust, relishing the slow climb. She felt her second orgasm of the night building.

"I'm gonna…ooohhhh," she cried.

"Just let go, Baby," Fin encouraged her. Their eyes locked once again, and she climaxed softly, squeezing him and moaning as her body tightened and the pleasure rolled through her. He followed quickly behind, her orgasm pushing him over the edge. He stayed on top of her, inside her, softening while stroking her hair away from my face.

"I will protect you," he promised. She brought her hand lovingly to caress his cheek.

"I know," she whispered, smiling.

She turned on her side, and he spooned her from behind, wrapping one arm possessively over her stomach. This child was already his.

XxXxX

"Benson," Cragen said from the doorway of his office, waving his hand towards Olivia. She took a deep breath and headed for his office. She had been expecting this. Fin looked up questioningly. "Close the door," he said when she reached the office.

"What's going on, Captain?" she asked.

"Please tell me you can explain this," he said, holding up a copy of Warner's report.

"I'm working on it," she said. "But I was never at that crime scene."

"You know how this looks," Cragen said. Olivia nodded.

"Captain, I was never there. Even during the processing of the scene. Fin and Munch handled that one," she insisted.

"I believe you, Liv, but I need to know what happened so that I can try to smooth this over with IAB before Tucker decides to make your life hell again," he said. She lowered herself onto the sofa in his office.

"I can't explain it," she said as he perched on his desk. "The night of the murder coincides with Fin's birthday. We were together the entire weekend, until he was called to go to the crime scene."

"Warner said you recognized the panties," he said. Olivia blushed slightly.

"I said they _look_ like a pair of mine. But think about it, Captain, how would someone have lifted a pair of panties from my home without Fin or me noticing? It's just absurd! Unless I was at the scene and planted them myself, which I wasn't," she said. Cragen knew she was right. It didn't make sense.

"I believe you," he said again. "But, I can't let you continue to work this case. I'm sorry, Olivia. And I'm going to have to talk to Fin." _The note!_ She needed to get to Fin before Cragen had the chance. Unfortunately, Cragen was a far more experienced cop than she was, and he interviewed Fin immediately after he released Olivia. So, Olivia found herself back in Cragen's office, this time with Fin.

"Have you received any threats, Detective?" Cragen asked.

"It's nothing," Olivia answered.

"Your husband doesn't seem to think so, and I'm inclined to agree with him," Cragen said.

"Look, it was just a stupid note. I get stuff like that all the time. You know that; both of you know that," she argued.

"This one's hitting a little too close to home, Olivia," Cragen said. "You fit this guy's pattern just a little too perfectly." Olivia knew what was coming, and she had to stop it.

"Look, I can take care of myself. I've been in worse situations and I'm still here, right? Just let me do my job, both of you," she begged. Cragen seemed to be considering her words.

"Captain, there's something else you should know," Fin said. Olivia's eyes widened. He wouldn't…would he? "She's pregnant." He did. Olivia's eyes widened. Usually she was the one who decided when and how to tell Cragen.

"That has nothing to do with this," Olivia snapped at Fin.

"Hold on, calm down, Liv," Cragen interrupted.

"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't do my job. If you both remember, I didn't go on modified duty until my fifth month with Tina. And even then, I practically went into labor here," she said.

"Olivia, listen to me. You fit the pattern. You've received a threat. You're pregnant with a black man's child. I don't want to take any chances. I'm sending you home with a protective detail," he said.

"Is that an order, Captain?" she asked.

"No, but I can make it one if I need to," he said. Olivia swallowed hard.

"I have some paperwork to finish up on some other cases. Can I stay at least until Tina's out of school?" she asked.

"It will take me a few hours to set up a detail, and you're safer here than at home for now. But stay away from the Akintola/Owusu case, understood?" Cragen replied. Olivia nodded, and Cragen dismissed them both. As soon as they left his office, Olivia dragged Fin into the break room.

"Why did you do that?" Olivia asked. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was furious.

"I told you I would protect you," Fin answered. "Look, I worry about you enough, but you're carrying our child. I just want to keep you safe."

"Next time, talk to me first," she said sharply.

"Look, it happened so fast. Cragen sees the same thing I see. You're a possible target. I know you hate to feel vulnerable, but you gotta let us do what we do?" he explained. "I know you can take care of yourself. In fact, I'm counting on it." Olivia smiled. "Now," He slipped his arms around her waist. "go home, and let me cater to your every whim, the way a husband should when his wife is creating the most precious gift ever."

"Oh? Does that mean you're going to run all over the city whenever I get a craving? And rub my ankles when they swell? And get up with Tina in the middle of the night so I can sleep?" she asked.

"You bet," he answered. He gave her a quick kiss. "I plan to spoil this one, and I don't want to wait until he's born to start." Olivia smiled wider. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," she answered, and they returned to the bullpen together. Olivia spent the remainder of the day tying up loose ends and handing over her open cases to other detectives. Her victims would be in good hands.

"Detective Benson?" a dark haired man asked as he approached her desk.

"Yes?" she answered.

"I'm Officer Jackson, and this is my partner, Officer Monroe. We're here to escort you home," he said. Olivia sighed. This was actually happening. She let them lead her downstairs to the waiting car. A quick stop at Tina's school, and they were headed home. She managed to convince her baby-sitters to keep watch outside of her apartment so that she at least had some privacy.

Potato chips. With caramel sauce. That was what she wanted more than anything else in the world. Tina was busy watching Cinderella for the millionth time, so Olivia picked up her phone.

"Were you serious when you said you wanted to spoil the baby?" she asked when the other side picked up. Fin chuckled.

"Yeah, Baby. You know that. What do you need?" he asked.

"I really, really want potato chips and caramel sauce," she said. On the other end of the line, Fin grimaced. The things her body came up with when she was pregnant baffled him.

"Ok, I'm leaving in a few minutes. I'll pick it up on my way home," he said.

"Thanks, hon. I love you," she said.

"Love you, too," he answered. No sooner had she hung up the phone when it started to ring again.

"What did you forget?" Olivia asked, expecting to hear Fin's voice.

"Hello?" came a strange voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else," she said.

"It's quite all right, Detective. By the way, you have a beautiful daughter," the voice answered. Olivia felt her blood run cold.


	12. Chapter 12

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 12**

"Who is this?" Olivia barked into the phone. Her eyes fell on her cell phone. The call had come in on her home line, so the cell was free. She could have the line traced in the amount of time it would take her to send a text.

"That's not important. What is important is that you haven't been taking my warnings seriously. The things you do with that nigger, well, quite frankly disgust me," he said. As much as it pained her to admit it, Fin and Cragen were right. She was the next target. She reached for her cell.

"Put the cell down," he said. Olivia started to panic.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked.

"You have your cell phone in your right hand. Drop it. Or life can get really unpleasant," he said. She hesitated for a moment. "I said, drop it. Or I can arrange for your daughter to have a little accident. And isn't your nigger on his way home from work right now? I could easily make sure he never makes it," Olivia put the cell down. How did he know…

Unless he could see her.

"Finally putting the pieces together, Detective?" He laughed.

"Who are you?" Olivia barked into her phone. "What do you want?" Olivia heard a knock on the door.

"Detective Benson? It's Officer Monroe. Everything ok in there?" came the voice through the door. She raced over to it, placing her hand on the deadbolt.

"Don't open it. Tell him everything is fine," the voice on the phone said.

"We're good," Olivia called through the door.

"You sure, Detective? I heard yelling…" Officer Monroe answered.

"Tell him it was the TV," the voice on the phone said.

"Yeah, we're fine. It's just the television," Olivia replied.

"Good girl. Now, let's talk about just how bad you've been. You let him fuck you pregnant…how many times now? And you're carrying another one of his little brats as we speak," the voice said. Olivia couldn't respond. "I will say this, though. You have impeccable taste. That black lacey get up you were in last weekend really got me going. What else did you let him do to you? Did you bend over and let him stick his black dick in your ass?"

"What do you want?" she asked softly.

"I should think that's perfectly clear. I want you to respect the gift you were given when you were born white. That talented tongue should be working its way over a white penis, not that disgusting garbage you've been doing. You've taken that precious gift and stomped all over it, and now, all you're doing is polluting the world with more niggers," he said.

"I won't let you touch my family," she said, her confidence returning. He laughed in response. As she said these words, she heard a key in the lock and the deadbolt coming undone. Her heart pounded as she waited for the door to open.

"They're not the family you were meant to have! But tell me, who are Taylor and Jordan? Huh? I know who Tina and Quasi are, but why does that nigger have the other two names tattooed on his chest? Were they the two brats who had enough sense to die before they could even be born?" he yelled. The door opened, and Fin entered, carrying a small plastic bag from the convenience store down the street.

"It's none of your business! Just leave us alone!" she barked into the phone, tears pricking at her eyes. It took a lot to phase her, but he knew things that crossed the line.

"I don't think so. This is the natural order of things. We'll be in touch," he said, and then the line went dead. Fin, seeing the distress his wife was in, took the phone from her.

"Who is this?" he barked. The only answer he received was a dial tone.

"Olivia?" Fin asked, returning the phone to its cradle.

"He's watching us," she said. She was trying to maintain her composure, but Fin could see her trembling. He took her into his arms.

"Who's watching?" he asked. She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't answer him without sounding ridiculous. "Olivia? Who?"

"I don't know. He called, and it was like…he could see what I was doing. I picked up my cell to try to get the precinct to trace the call, and he told me to put it down. Monroe knocked to see if everything was ok, and he told me to say everything was fine. It's like he's in the room," Olivia said.

"Ok, we're all fine, and we have two cops watching the apartment. I'm gonna call Cragen and let him know what happened. I want you to try to calm down, ok?" he said, pulling out his own phone. "Are you still hungry?" he asked. She saw the bag he had deposited on the counter.

"Is that…?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. She pulled out the contents and frowned slightly.

"Regular chips?" she asked.

"Yeah, isn't that what you asked for?" Fin asked.

"Well, yes…it's just…never mind, it doesn't matter," she said, pulling the bag and the jar of caramel sauce into her arms.

"No, what, Baby?" he asked.

"It's silly, forget about it," she said.

"Honey, it's important to me. What do you want? Or should I ask, what does my son want?" he asked.

"Well, _we_ really, really wanted the ruffled ones," she said. "but it's not important. These are fine." Fin sighed and gave a short laugh.

"Do you want me to go get another bag of chips?" he asked, smiling.

"Would you?" she asked, looking up at him with big, hopeful eyes. It was a face he could never say no to.

"Yeah, let me make these calls and I'll go. I love you," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Daddy! Will you play with me?" Tina asked, bounding towards Fin carrying a Candyland box.

"Oh, Sweetheart, Daddy has to go get something for Mommy, but we can play when I get back, ok?" he said. Tina's face fell.

"C'mon, Tina, I'll play with you," Olivia said. That seemed to appease Tina, and Olivia led her daughter back to the living room to set up the game. A few minutes later, Fin picked up his keys again.

"I'll be back soon," he said. Olivia got up from her spot on the floor and walked over to the door.

"Be careful," she warned.

"Don't worry, Baby. I'm not going alone. Jackson's coming with me," he said. "And Morales wants to come over here and see what he can find." Olivia nodded. She'd feel better if they could figure out how they were being watched.

"I love you," he said again. "Tina, take good care of Mommy for me, ok?"

"Ok, Daddy!" Tina called. Fin kissed Olivia on the cheek and headed out while Olivia returned to her daughter. Two games later, Fin returned with yet another plastic bag and Morales in tow.

"Hey, Olivia," Morales said as he walked in the door. Olivia waved back and took her turn. She moved her piece to the next red square.

"Daddy!" Tina said, jumping up and running towards Fin. "Come on, let's play now," she said, dragging him over to the game board.

"Hold on, Tina. Daddy's busy right now," he said.

"But you promised," she said with a pout.

"Actually, why don't you take over for me? I'll help Morales," Olivia said. Fin considered her request. Since Olivia had actually been the one on the phone, she might have a better idea of where in the apartment to look. Fin nodded and followed his daughter back to the gameboard.

"Ok, Olivia, what did he say exactly?" Morales asked.

"Well, he…he mentioned specific…um, acts…private stuff," she stammered.

"Bedroom stuff?" he asked. She closed her eyes and nodded.

"Ok, why don't we start in there, then," he said, and she showed him to her bedroom. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, but if something was amiss, Morales would find it. It didn't take him long to locate the camera hidden in the frame of Olivia's dresser.

"You were right. He was watching you," Morales said, holding up the device.

"Do you have any idea how long?" Olivia asked.

"The batteries on this thing last about two weeks, but beyond that, I can't really give you an estimate. I'll get it back to my lab and see what I can pull from it. Fin tapped lightly on the doorframe.

"Liv? You hungry? Tina's gotta eat soon, so I'm gonna whip up something. Morales, it probably won't be anything fancy, but you're welcome to join us," he said.

"I appreciate that, but I'm going to finish up here and head out," Morales said.

"Liv? What about you?" Fin asked. Olivia felt her stomach roll again. The discovery of the camera combined with her normal morning sickness was a bad combination.

"I'm fine," she said.

"You sure you don't want anything? You've gotta eat something," he said. "How about some fruit?" Fruit was one of the few things she could keep down while she was pregnant. It was like the lettuce; her body just seemed to want raw fruits and vegetables.

"Yeah, ok. I think there's some watermelon in the fridge I cut up earlier. That should work," Olivia said.

Fin retreated to the kitchen. Olivia's nausea came in boughts, but when it was around, it never took much to send her running to the bathroom. He passed over the idea of cooking, knowing that the smell of whatever he put on the stove would make her miserable. So, he whipped up turkey sandwiches, carrot and celery sticks, and some of the rejected potato chips for himself and Tina, and fixed a bowl of watermelon for Olivia. He grabbed a soda for himself, water for Liv, and a glass of milk for Tina and called everyone to the table for dinner.

Dinner was a quiet affair that night. Fin was preoccupied with his wife, who was picking at her food, and Olivia couldn't stop thinking about someone watching her most intimate moments. Tina, oblivious to the entire situation, was chattering up a storm about what she was doing in school. Her teacher was fully incorporating Cinderella into the lessons on the letter C, and Tina was delighted.

"Olivia, Fin?" Morales said. "We found another one in the bathroom."

"Where in the bathroom, exactly?" Liv asked.

"The shower," Morales answered. Olivia wanted to punch something, but her stomach was taking on a life of its own. She could practically feel her cheeks turn green. Fin's jaw clenched and unclenched as he thought about strangers watching the two of them in the shower. What disgusted him even more, though, was that was the same tub they used to bathe Tina.

"Found what?" Tina asked, curiously. Olivia's stomach rolled again. She bolted from the table, lunging for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before the contents of her stomach made a reappearance.

"She ok?" she heard Morales ask Fin.

"She's fine. She's just been on edge a little, ya know?" he said, as he headed for the bathroom. Olivia was grateful that he hadn't told Morales she was pregnant. They really hadn't discussed telling anyone at work yet, and she knew he was trying to respect what little privacy she still had left. She felt his hands sweep her hair back from her face as she heaved. When her stomach finally calmed down, she leaned back against the cool tile, and took the glass of water Fin already had prepared for her.

"Thanks," she said.

"How ya feelin'?" he asked.

"Exhausted. Is Morales done yet?" she asked.

"He's still checking the living room, and he has the kitchen and Tina's room to go. But, he said he's done in here," Fin told her. "Do you want to lay down for a bit?" A nap sounded wonderful to her.

"What about Tina?" she asked. Fin chuckled.

"I think she'll be fine with her Daddy, but this little guy right here," He gently placed his hand over her tummy. "needs his mommy. And if he says it's time to sleep, then it's time to sleep." She smiled as he helped her up from the bathroom floor.

"I hate to break it to you, but I think Tina's going to have a sister," Olivia said, as they returned to the bedroom.

"What makes you so sure it's a girl?" he asked. He pulled the covers back on her side of the bed and carefully fluffed her pillow, making it incredibly inviting.

"What makes _you _so sure it's a boy?" she replied, pulling on her favorite pajamas. "Besides, moms just know these things."

"Well, I'll tell ya what, boy or girl, this child already has the perfect mother," he said.

"Oh, I'm far from perfect, but I appreciate the sentiment," she said, as she kissed him gently and slid into bed. He pulled the covers up around her body.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked, stroking her hair.

"Maybe a glass of water," she said, softly. Her eyes were already drooping. Fin went back into the bathroom to refill her cup, and by the time he returned, she was fast asleep. He set the glass on her nightstand, in case she woke up, kissed her on the temple, and switched off the light.

"Good night, Baby Girl," he whispered before pulling the door shut behind him.

XxXxX

"What the hell did you do?" he roared, staring in abject horror at the screen in front of him. Two of the feeds from the cameras he had painstakingly installed in the Tutuola home had gone dark.

"I just thought it would be fun to scare her a little," his partner replied.

"Yeah, well now you've done it. Look, they called in that stupid Spic to find the rest of them!" He could see Morales making his sweep of the apartment and the screen covering the living room started to shake and went dark.

"I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say?" his partner yelled.

"Move," he said, shoving his partner aside. His fingers flew over the keyboard.

"What are you doing?" his partner asked.

"Covering our tracks. They can trace that feed directly back to us. You may have just blown everything with that little stunt of yours," he said.

"I'll go fix the cameras," his partner said.

"Sit your ass down. It's too late for that. They've got a detail on that apartment, and you can bet they have the phones tapped, too," he said. He entered a few more commands.

"There. That should do it, but we can't stay here anymore." He scooped up the laptop and the two of them headed down to a non-descript brown van bearing fake Connecticut plates. They drove for a while in silence before pulling into a gas station that was familiar to both of them.

"I thought we weren't coming here until we had them," his partner said.

"Well, we weren't going to, until you fucked up. We don't really have a choice now. Check the computer and tell me if any of those cameras are still operating," he said. It seemed like an eternity has they waited for the computer to connect to a new internet source. He saw his partner grin.

"We still have one working camera," he reported.

_**Oh, snap! Is anyone going to find that last camera? And what kind of footage are our villains going to catch? And who will figure everything out first, the villains or the cops?**_

_**Oh, and this chapter got ridiculously long, so it's been divided. Be on the lookout for a new one soon!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Olivia woke up two hours later, feeling like a completely different person. The nausea had passed, for now, and when she made her way into the kitchen, she was pleased to see Fin standing at the sink doing the dishes.

"Hey, look who's awake!" he said, turning his head towards her and smiling widely. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey yourself. Did Morales find anything else?" she asked. Fin sighed and stopped scrubbing for a minute.

"Yeah, he found two more cameras," Fin said. A shudder ran down Olivia's spine. Was there any place in this apartment that these creeps hadn't been watching?

"Where?" she asked.

"One in the living room by the TV, and one…get this…in a handle on this cabinet," he said, pointing to the cabinet next to the sink where there was clearly a knob missing.

"Are you sure he got all of them?" she asked.

"I don't think there was a square inch of this apartment he didn't search," Fin said. He turned to look at Olivia and saw the troubled expression on her face. "It's gonna be ok. Morales got the cameras, and Cragen's ordered a tap on our home line, as well as our cells. If those bastards try to call again, we'll get 'em." All Olivia wanted at this particular moment was to feel safe, and she couldn't even do that in her own home now.

"Where's Tina?" she asked, changing the subject.

"She's putting her pajamas on," Fin said, pointing his elbow in the general direction of Tina's room as he picked up another soapy dish in the sink.

"I was just going to read her a story and tuck her in as soon as I finished in here," he said.

"No, it's ok. I'll do it. I feel like I haven't been spending much time with her lately," she said, stepping into the kitchen.

"Yeah, she's turning into quite the daddy's girl, isn't she?" he answered. Olivia grinned.

"You know, other people want a chance to be daddy's girl too," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Baby, you'll always be my favorite girl," he replied.

"Mommy!" Tina called from her room.

"That's my cue," Olivia said, patting Fin on the back as she headed for Tina's room.

"Ok, Little Miss, are we ready for bed?" she asked. A pink pajama clad Tina nodded. "Hair brushed?" Olivia asked.

"Daddy did that," Tina answered. For some odd reason, Fin seemed to be able to perform magic on Tina's hair.

"Teeth brushed?" Olivia asked. Tina nodded again. "Are you sure?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, Mommy," Tina said.

"Let me see," Olivia said, crouching down to inspect her daughter mouth. A faint smell of toothpaste on her breath confirmed that her daughter had told her the truth.

"Ok, into bed with you," Olivia said, pulling back the covers on Tina's bed. Tina clamored towards her and crawled under the covers. Olivia walked over to the bookshelf.

"What should we read tonight?" Olivia asked.

"Cinderella!" Tina exclaimed, sitting up in anticipation.

"Are you sure you don't want to read anything else?" Olivia asked. Tina had requested Cinderella every night for the past three weeks, and Olivia was pretty sure that she could recite the story from memory by this point.

"No, Mommy, Cinderella!" Tina whined. Olivia sighed and pulled the well loved book off the shelf.

"Ok, scoot over," she said, as she sat on the bed with Tina, propping her back against the headboard and stretching her legs out on the bed. Tina pulled at her elbow, and she wrapped an arm around her daughter as she opened the book.

"Wait, Munchy Bear wants to listen, too," Tina said, as she pulled the light colored teddy bear into her arms. Munch had given Olivia and Fin the bear the day Tina was born, and Tina rarely slept without it. Once Tina was settled, Olivia began to read. By the time she got to the part where the fairy godmother showed up, Tina was sound asleep in her arms. She closed the book, and gently tucked her daughter in. She gave Tina a kiss on the forehead and shut off the lights, except for the pink nightlight next to her bed before tip toeing out of the room.

"Is she asleep?" Fin asked, wiping down the counters. Olivia nodded.

"Need any help in here?" Olivia asked.

"Actually, I'm just about finished, and then we can move on to more…pleasurable activities," he said, smirking at her.

"Oh, you mean more pleasurable like folding the laundry, which you promised to do yesterday?" she asked.

"I was kinda hoping you would forget about that," he answered, dropping the sponge in the sink. He walked over to her, and pulled her into an embrace.

"I'm a wife. Wives don't forget these things," she answered.

"Can you forget just this one time?" he asked coyly.

"How about this. I'll forget if we can curl up together and watch Gone with the Wind," she countered, knowing that Fin hated chick flicks, and that went double for classics. Olivia, on the other hand, loved the old classic love stories, and she hardly ever watched them anymore because Fin always protested.

"Those are my choices?" Fin asked.

"Mhm, so which is it? Scarlet or the laundry?" she asked.

"Ok, ok, we can watch it," he said. He kissed her before breaking the embrace. "But only because I love you." He went over to the TV to set up the movie while Liv snatched the chips and caramel sauce from the cupboard. Now that she was awake, her craving had returned. She settled on the couch, propping herself against Fin as she tore into the chips and dipped the first one into the caramel sauce.

"Is that really what my son wants?" Fin asked as she popped the chip into her mouth.

"It's what your _daughter_ wants," Olivia corrected.

"You know, Liv, I don't really care what this baby is. Boy or girl, I just want it to be healthy," he confessed.

"Me too, honey. Now, shhh. The movie's about to start," she said, digging in the bag for another chip. Fin lasted about fifteen minutes into the movie before he started getting restless.

"So, why exactly are we watching this?" he asked as Olivia continued to inhale her food.

"Because you don't want to fold the laundry," she answered. Fin couldn't really argue with that. After another couple of minutes, Olivia put the chips and sauce on the coffee table, finally satisfied.

"I'll make you a deal," she said. "I'll turn this off _and_ I'll let you use your handcuffs on me tonight if you fold the laundry." Fin's cock started to twitch at her words. As much as they both hated to admit it, tying Olivia up was a practice that they both found incredibly sensual. Like with oral sex, Olivia had to be in the right mood for it, but to Fin, that made it much more special. It was a total expression of trust on her part, and that was a gift Fin would never take lightly.

"Damn, Girl, you really want that laundry folded, don't you?" he asked. Olivia grinned seductively at him as she returned to his embrace.

"Maybe I just like being arrested by you," she whispered slyly.

"Oh, you got a deal, Baby," he said, looking her up and down.

"That's what I thought," she said seductively. They quickly picked up the living room and headed to their bedroom where Liv dragged out two baskets of clean, rumpled laundry. Fin folded the clothes at lightning speed, while Olivia took her time, making sure that each crease was perfect, knowing that he would want to be done as quickly as possible. Olivia had folded roughly a quarter of her basket in the same amount of time it took Fin to complete his.

"Oh, that's just cold, Baby," he said, looking at her almost full basket. Olivia smirked as she picked up a T-shirt and repeated her meticulous folding pattern. Fin pulled out the next garment, and made short work of her remaining items.

"Ok, the laundry's folded," he said, looking at her expectantly.

"And you know I never break my promises," she said standing up and leading him over to the bed. She paused at the nightstand and extracted a chain with a small key dangling from it. "You know the rules," she said, as she slipped the chain over his head before kissing him. His cock sprang to life by this simple action. While she trusted him implicitly, there were certain fears that she just couldn't shake, and the biggest one was a lost key. In order to alleviate her concerns, Fin always wore the keys to the cuffs around his neck to assure her that it was there, and that she could be freed at a moment's notice.

He pulled her into his arms and deftly removed her clothes as she peeled the shirt from his body. He kissed her with a passion that made her toes curl. She broke from the kiss and positioned herself on the bed over her. He took her face gently in his hands, and seeing the complete trust in her eyes bent over to kiss her again. As he did, he reached over to the nightstand and pulled out his handcuffs. He gently guided her hands up to the headboard without breaking the kiss.

"Are you sure about this, Baby?" he asked.

"Keep me safe," she whispered, panting slightly. Initially, this sort of thing brought up painful memories for Olivia, but over the years, she and Fin had experimented, and now, the act of being restrained by him made her feel safe and secure. He lovingly worked the metal bracelets around one wrist maneuvering them around the headboard and clasping the second one on her other wrist. He checked the tightness to make sure it was loose enough to be comfortable for her, but tight enough that she couldn't wiggle free.

"Always," he said, stroking her face gently. He reached back into the nightstand and extracted two silk scarves and secured her ankles to the footboard.

"Is that too tight?" he asked, checking the tightness of his restraints.

"It's perfect," she whispered. He skimmed her body lightly, traveling up until he hovered over her. He kissed her slightly swollen lips again before wandering away to taste the rest of her.

"Tell me what you're feeling," he said, as he moved to her neck.

"Ohhh…God…that feels wonderful," she breathed. The sound of her voice made him harder than he thought possible, and he was struck in awe that, even after five years of marriage, the only woman he wanted was her. She felt tiny jolts of electricity shoot from the point where his lips touched her skin straight to her core.

"More…please, more…" she panted. Fin worked his way down to her breasts.

"Ahhh…" she cried, jerking forward as his lips found her nipple. Her arms bucked against the cuffs in response.

"Easy, Baby Girl," he said, gently placing a hand over her bound ones to still her. Her body shuddered. He continued to work her breast until the nipple was a taut peak. He replaced his mouth with his free hand and switched to the other one while gently stroking her wrist with the thumb of the hand on hers.

"Oooo…stop. It hurts too much," she cried, trying to jerk again, but he held her firmly so her wrists wouldn't bruise from the metal.

"Do you want me to untie you, or…" Fin asked, confused by her reaction.

"No, I'm just too tender there right now. But I want to feel you. God, I want to feel you," she answered. Fin moved lower on her body, carefully laying kisses on her slightly swollen stomach. He dipped lower, between her legs, kissing her along her inner thighs.

"Fin…" she groaned.

"I've got ya, Baby," he said. His tongue darted out and licked her folds. Her taste had changed ever so slightly, as it always did when she was pregnant. It didn't matter to him; he thought she was exquisite no matter what. He listened for her moans and pants to guide him as his mouth worked her trembling core.

"Oh God…please…" she hissed. He wrapped his lips around her clit, alternating between flicking and sucking lightly. Olivia's incoherent moans told him she was close…so close. He gently inserted two fingers into her slick core and curled them forward, bringing her to an instant climax. As she came down from her peak, he shifted over, removing his own pants and boxers as he did.

"God, that was good," she said. He grinned.

"Baby, you know I'll always take care of you," he whispered in her ear. He hovered over her, staring into her eyes as he took his hardness in one hand and positioned it towards her waiting entrance.

"I want to feel you," she whispered. She wiggled her hips, trying to get him inside her, but he stayed just out of reach. "Please…" she begged.

"You're so beautiful," he said as he pushed just past her entrance. Her eyes slid shut as she adjusted to the intrusion. "Open your eyes, Baby Girl," he said, stroking her cheek again. She took a deep breath and opened them. "That's better," he said, lovingly.

"I love you," she whispered as she felt him fill her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Baby Girl, so much," he said as he buried himself in her completely. He paused for a moment, enjoying the feeling of the two of them being joined so intimately. She moved her hips trying to encourage him to move. He started thrusting with long, slow, deep strokes, pulling out almost completely before plunging back into her.

"Fin," Olivia moaned as he moved inside her.

"I'm right here, Baby. I'm right here," he assured her.

"More," she breathed. "God…more…"

"What do you need, Baby?" he whispered.

"You…harder…" she moaned. He picked up his pace, thrusting harder into her. His hands returned to her breasts and he teased at the nipples in time to his thrusts. Olivia cried out something vaguely resembling his name, and he started to thrust even harder.

"So close…" she cried. "Ooo…so close…" Fin groaned and moved a hand from her breast lower to rub her clit, slightly off center, in a pattern he knew would bring her to a climax.

"Fin!" she cried as her walls clamped down on him and an earth-shattering orgasm ripped through her body, arching her back like a bow. Her vice grip was so tight, he had to pause while she rode out the massive wave that coarsed through her. Her chest heaved as she came down from her powerful climax. He picked up his slow thrusting pattern when her grip on him loosened enough to allow him to move.

"Do you have any idea how hot you are when you cum like that?" he whispered before nibbling on her ear. All she could do was moan in response. He was close. Her orgasms always brought him painfully close. His pace picked up.

"Liv…I'm gonna…" he said.

"Inside me, Baby. Cum inside me," she said. That was all he needed to hear before he felt his balls contract and he spurt inside her, coating her walls with his essence.

"Wow…" he said, collapsing on top of her, still inside her.

"That was…" she began.

"Incredible?" he asked.

"Amazing," she replied. He kissed her gently before lifting the key from his neck and freeing her wrists. He gathered her into his arms and held her close to him. He stroked her hair for a few minutes, simply enjoying her company before she crawled out of bed.

"Where you goin'?" he asked, grabbing her hand.

"Sleeping naked may have been fine when we were first married, but if Tina walks in here in the middle of the night, I intend to be wearing clothes," she said, leaning back over him and kissing him quickly. She headed to the dresser and quickly pulled on panties and pajamas. "Same goes for you, too," she said, tossing a pair of boxers at Fin, who quickly pulled them on.

"There, I'm wearing clothes. Now, will you please come back to bed?" he asked.

"Gladly," she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She curled up in his arms again, drifting off to sleep with one of his hands wrapped in her hair as she listened to the strong, steady beat of his heart in his chest underneath her head.

_Dark gray walls surrounded her. She's been here before. She knows this place, and it's not where she wants to be. She turned and ran down the hall, searching for the door. She jerked at the knob only to find it firmly bolted._

"_Help me!" she cried, banging on it. Footsteps. Coming towards her. She turned and ran back down the corridor the way she came. Where was the damn exit? The hallway turned sharply to the right, and she backed up. She didn't want to go down there. She didn't know exactly what was there, only that she didn't want to go that way, and yet, she had no other option. She turned the corner, and the hallway opened into a square room that held nothing but a dirty mattress illuminated by a naked light bulb. A figure stood towering over something smaller._

"_Mommy!" she heard. Tina. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but she couldn't. The figure pulled back his foot and brought it sharply to the child on the floor. The child's wail echoed of the walls._

"_Mommy…" she sobbed. The figure looked towards her, noticing her presence for the first time. He had the same sneer he always did. _

"_Ready to finish what we started?" Harris sneered at her._

"_Leave my daughter alone," she seethed. He reached down and picked Tina up by her hair, resulting in an ear piercing shriek from Tina. She wanted to run to him, attack him, kill him to save her baby, but her feet refused to obey her commands. _

"_Get on your knees," he hissed to her. She should fight. She knows she should fight. So why was she doing exactly what he asked her to do? _Get up!_ She commanded her body, and it still stubbornly refused to obey. He made a quick movement, snapping Tina's neck and dropping her lifeless body to the floor._

"_NO!" she screamed. And, for a split second, everything was still. Wait, was she…_

Olivia sat up in bed with a start, breathing heavily. She was still in her bedroom. Fin was on his side next to her, snoring softly. _Damn nightmares, _she thought. Her heart started pounding again as she heard the doorknob on her bedroom turn. Was it just a dream? Or had Harris really killed her daughter? The door opened a crack.

"Mommy?" a tiny voice said. Olivia calmed down almost immediately. The door opened further and Tina shuffled towards her.

"What's wrong, Baby?" Olivia asked groggily.

"I don't feel good," Tina said, putting her arms around Olivia. Olivia brought her hand up to Tina's forehead. She felt warm.

"What hurts, Honey?" she asked.

"My tummy," Tina said. "I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Ok, let's get you to the bathroom," Olivia said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and leading Tina into the bathroom. She flipped on the light and closed the door, guiding Tina over to the toilet.

"Make it stop, Mommy," Tina whined.

"It's ok. Just let it happen, honey," Liv said, stroking Tina's back.

"No, I can't…Mommy…" Tina wailed.

"Shhh…you'll feel better soon. Mommy's right here," Olivia soothed. Tina started to cry. Olivia hated moments like these where her daughter was suffering, and all she could do was wait.

"Momma…" she cried, and that was when Olivia knew she was really sick. Tina only called her "Momma" when she was hurting. If she needed any further confirmation, it came seconds later when Tina emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"It's ok, Baby. Everything's ok," Olivia soothed her sick child. Finally, Tina stopped heaving and curled herself against Olivia's chest.

"Feel better?" Olivia asked.

"A little," Tina whined. Olivia stood and filled a small paper cup with water.

"Here," she said gently, handing the cup to Tina. "Rinse out your mouth." Tina swished some of the water around and spit in the toilet and sipped the rest. She dropped the cup on the floor and wrapped her arms around Olivia's leg.

"Ok, Momma's got you," she said, picking Tina and the discarded cup up. She deposited the cup in the trash, flushed the toilet, and pulled out a bottle of children's Tylenol and a thermometer out of the medicine cabinet, and filled a second cup with water. Tina wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and placed her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Fix it, Momma," she repeated.

"Shhh…let's not wake Daddy," Olivia said, as she carried Tina through the darkened apartment back to Tina's room. She gently set her child back in her bed and sat next to her. Tina just plain looked sick. Olivia took the thermometer out of the case and turned it on.

"Ok, Honey, under your tongue," she coaxed, as she placed the thermometer in Tina's mouth. Tina tried to say something.

"Shhh…you have to be quiet until the thermometer beeps, sweetie," Olivia said. They waited in silence until the thermometer beeped and Olivia checked the display by the glow emitted by Tina's nightlight. 100.1, just as Olivia had expected. 

"A hundred point one! You certainly are one sick little girl," Olivia said as she returned the thermometer to its case. She popped open the children's medication and poured out a dose.

"Here, sweetie, drink this. It'll make you feel better," Olivia said, holding the small plastic cup out for Tina.

"No," Tina said defiantly, burying her face into her pillow.

"Come on, Tina, you need to," Olivia said.

"It's ucky," Tina said, pulling the pillow closer to her face.

"I know it tastes bad, but you'll feel better if you drink it," Olivia said.

"Nuh uh…" Tina said. Olivia faked a sigh.

"Ok, I guess I'm just going to have to watch Cinderella tomorrow all by myself because you'll be too sick to get out of bed," she said with a fake frown. Tina peered at her with one eye.

"You're staying home tomorrow?" Tina asked.

"Looks like I'm going to have to, since you'll be so sick," Olivia said. "And since I'm not sick, I get to watch the movie instead of staying in bed. So, if you're sure, I'll just go put this away," Olivia said, standing up and picking up the medicine bottle.

"No, wait…I'll drink it," Tina said, sitting up. Olivia set the bottle down and readied the cup of water. She handed Tina the plastic cup containing the medicine. Tina looked at it and made a face.

"On three," Olivia said. "One…two…three!" and Tina tipped back the contents into her mouth.

"Here you go," Olivia said, holding the water to her daughter's lips the instant she had gotten the medication down. Tina gulped the water. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Olivia said. Tina responded with an incoherent whine.

"Stay here," Tina said as Olivia set the now empty cups on the nightstand. From the moment Tina wandered into her bedroom, Olivia knew she would wind up sleeping here tonight.

"Ok, scoot over," Olivia said as she slid into the tiny twin sized bed. Tina curled up into her chest and Olivia held her daughter in her arms as she stroked her back. Olivia softly sang "Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful?" from Cinderella until she felt Tina fall asleep. If history was any indication, Olivia didn't want to risk leaving because the moment she did, Tina was sure to wake up, so she resigned herself to finishing out the night exactly where she was.

XxXxX

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _

Fin reached out and silenced the alarm that went off far to early for his liking. He rolled over, reaching for Liv, and his arms found nothing but sheets. He sat up, suddenly alert. Olivia _never_ got up before her alarm, and she was supposed to be awake at the same time as he was this morning.

Then again, she was also at the part of her pregnancy where morning sickness was a frequent occurrence. Fin climbed out of bed, but before he even got to the bathroom, he knew she wasn't in there. The door was open, the light was out, and there were no sounds coming from that room.

"Liv!" he called. He waited, expecting to hear her voice, but the only response he got was silence. His heart pounded in his chest. The notes. The cameras. Where the hell was she? He pulled his gun and headed for the living room.

"Liv?" he called again. Still no response. He swept the kitchen, living room, and small half bath off the main living area finding nothing out of the ordinary. He paused at the door to Tina's room. When he was mentally ready for whatever awaited him, he threw open to door. His gun immediately dropped when he saw and adult sized form covered in the pink comforter and a chestnut head peeking out from underneath.

"Liv," he said quietly, gently shaking her shoulder. Olivia rolled over opening her eyes sleepily.

"Mmm…what time is it?" she asked, yawning.

"5:30. We're supposed to be at the House at 7," he answered. Olivia reached for Tina's forehead. She was still warm, and she shook her head at Fin.

"Tina got sick last night, and she still has a fever," Olivia explained. She blinked her eyes a few times and realized that he was holding his gun in his right hand. "Why do you have your gun in here?" she scolded in a whisper. Fin looked at the metal object in his hand almost as if he couldn't remember how it got there. He sighed.

"It's this damn case. I woke up, and you weren't there, and I thought…I'm sorry, Baby," he said. Olivia couldn't suppress the small smile.

"And you were going to make sure we were ok," she finished.

"Of course I was. I don't want to lose you," he said.

"That's so sweet. But, we're fine, and you're not going to lose me," she said. "I guess I should go call Cragen."

"No, don't," Fin said before she could move. "If you leave, it will take you hours to get Tina back to sleep. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Honey," Olivia said.

"I'll see you after work," he said, giving her a quick kiss. She nodded as she rolled over to go back to sleep. "I love you," he said.

"Love you, too, Honey," she answered.


	14. Chapter 14

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 14**

When Olivia woke up, she was absolutely famished. She gently eased out of Tina's bed, careful not to disturb her. Tina whimpered, but when Olivia placed her teddy bear in her arms, Tina grabbed it and fell asleep again. Olivia silently headed for the kitchen, where she fixed herself a plate of fresh fruits and vegetables for breakfast. While she had the chance, she grabbed her phone and punched in the number for Tina's pediatrician.

"Manhattan Family Clinic, how can I help you today?" a cheery female said. Olivia had discovered the clinic during an investigation when Tina was about a year old. She absolutely adored the pediatrician's bedside manner when they handled a particularly difficult case involving a molested boy. Once the case was over, she and Fin had decided that Tina would benefit from being a patient at the clinic. It also boasted one of the top OB/GYN departments in New York, and the lead obstetrician specialized in high risk pregnancies. With all of their amazing services, what had really clinched the deal was that the clinic was two blocks from their apartment.

"This is Olivia Tutuola. My daughter, Tina woke up in the middle of the night not feeling well, and I was hoping I could get her seen today," Olivia explained.

"Of course, Mrs. Tutuola," There was a pause as Olivia heard the sound of a keyboard clacking. "Tina is almost 4, right?"

"Yes, she'll be four in about two months," Olivia said.

"Ok, and what are her symptoms?"

"She threw up around 2:00 this morning, and she had a fever of 100.1. I gave her children's Tylenol last night," Olivia explained. Olivia heard the sounds of a slight cough coming from the next room. "You'd better add coughing to that list, too," she added.

"That's fine. Do you know what her temperature is now by any chance?"

"She's still sleeping, and she gets fussy when she's sick, so I haven't had a chance to take it yet," Olivia said.

"Ok, Mrs. Tutuola, let me check the schedule. It says in Tina's records that you prefer Dr. Tanner, is that correct?"

"Yes," Olivia confirmed.

"Dr. Tanner has an opening at 10:15 this morning, if that's convenient for you," the receptionist said.

"Perfect. We'll be there then," Olivia said. She waited for confirmation before hanging up.

"Momma…" Tina said, shuffling out of her room. She was rubbing her eyes with one hand while the other dragged her blankie behind her.

"Oh, sweetie…how do you feel?" Olivia asked, scooping her daughter into her arms.

"My froat hurts…" Tina whined.

"I'm sure it does, honey. Do you want something to eat?" Olivia asked.

"Uh-uh…" Tina said, shaking her head against Olivia's shoulder. Olivia expected that. Tina was just like Olivia was when she was sick. Neither of them wanted to eat, but Olivia was old enough to be able to force herself to eat. Tina, on the other hand, was not.

"How about something to drink?" Olivia asked. Tina coughed next to her ear, causing her to jerk her head slightly and shook her head again.

"If Momma gets you a popsicle, will you eat that?" Olivia asked. Tina pulled her head up and studied Olivia's face with a scowl. Olivia _never_ let Tina have sweets this early in the morning.

"Can I have a red one?" Tina asked.

"You can, but you have to let me take your temperature first," Olivia explained. "Do we have a deal?" Tina nodded. In that respect, she was exactly like her daddy. Olivia carried Tina back to her room and set her on the bed as she pulled the thermometer back out of its case.

"Ok, sweetie, under your tongue," Olivia said, holding the thermometer to Tina's mouth. Tina immediately obeyed. Olivia stroked her hair while they waited for the thermometer to do its work. When it was finished, Olivia checked the display. 101.4. It had gone up over a degree already. Olivia was glad she had followed her instincts and called the doctor first thing this morning.

"Now, how about that popsicle?" Olivia said. She wanted to pull a smile from Tina, but she wasn't going to get that today. Tina was just too miserable. Tina held out her arms and Olivia carried her back towards the kitchen.

Tina nodded, so Olivia opened the freezer, and using the one-handed technique she had perfected when Tina was an infant, pulled out the coveted red popsicle from the box. Setting Tina on the floor, she pulled off the wrapper and handed the treat to Tina. Tina put the popsicle in her mouth and wrapped her free arm around Olivia's left leg.

The phone rang, and Olivia reached for it.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey, Baby Girl, how are you two doing?" Fin asked.

"I'm fine, but your daughter's fever is up another degree, and she's developed a cough and a sore throat, which is why we're going to the D-O-C-T-O-R this morning," Olivia reported.

"Honey, something occurred to me this morning. If you're pregnant, should you be around Tina when she's sick? I mean, could it be bad for the baby?" he asked.

"I'm sure it's fine," Olivia said quickly. "But, if it makes you feel better, I'll ask the you-know-who while we're there."

"Is that Daddy?" Tina asked, pulling on Liv's pajama pants.

"Yes it is. Would you like to say hi?" Olivia said, turning her attention towards Tina. Tina replied by reaching for the phone. Olivia deftly snatched the popsicle before Tina could drop in on the floor and gave the phone to her daughter.

"Hi Daddy…" Tina said.

"Hi, Baby. How ya doin'?" Fin asked.

"I don't feel good…" Tina whined into the phone.

"That's what Mommy told me. You gotta make sure you get lots of rest and listen to what Mommy tells you, ok?" he said.

"Uh-huh," she said. Tina started to cough again and dropped the phone on the floor.

"Tina! Liv!" Olivia heard Fin yell through the phone. She reached down to pick it up, giving Tina her popsicle back.

"It's ok, Fin. We're fine. Tina just dropped the phone," Olivia said quickly. He didn't respond for a moment. "Really. We're fine."

"Ok…ok…Jesus, that was just like this morning," he said.

"Any new developments?" Olivia asked.

"Elliot's meeting with Morales as we speak. They won't let me near it because I'm 'too close' as Cragen said, and they probably have it in for you, too. If I find out anything, I'll let you know," he said. She had expected this. And if she couldn't take this case personally, at least she trusted Elliot not to screw it up.

"Ok, well, stay safe," she said.

"I love you," he answered.

"Love you, too," she replied, hanging up. By the time Olivia finished her call, Tina's popsicle had dripped all over the floor, and she had managed to make the bottom half of Olivia's left pant leg a sticky mess.

"Oh Tina…" Olivia sighed. Tina looked up at her and dropped the popsicle on the floor, half consumed. _Well, it's better than nothing,_ Olivia mused as her daughter held her arms out again. Olivia scooped Tina up and awkwardly cleaned up as much of the mess as she could without letting go of Tina.

"Look at you, Tina. You've made quite a mess there," Olivia said. The bottom half of Tina's face was covered in sticky red juice, as was the front of her pajamas and her hands. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." A bath wasn't an option. Even on the best of days, it was a struggle to get Tina into the tub, but she didn't fuss too much when Olivia used a warm washcloth to clean her face and hands. Olivia carried Tina from the bathroom back to the child's room to tackle the pajama situation.

"Which pajamas do you want to wear?" Olivia asked, setting Tina down. Olivia noticed that Tina's teddy bear had fallen on the floor, so she picked it up and set it back in the corner of the bed with its eyes facing the center of the room. Considering Tina was going to wind up either in bed or on the sofa after they got back from the doctor, Olivia thought it was best to skip actual clothes for today. Tina could go to the doctor in pajamas.

"These ones," Tina said, wrapping her arms around Olivia's leg again.

"Honey, those are dirty. How about these?" Olivia asked, holding up a set of Minnie Mouse pajamas. Tina didn't answer, but she didn't fight when Olivia reached down and pulled the soiled clothing from her small body.

"Arms up," Olivia said as she shimmied the top onto Tina. She picked up the pants and bunched the legs together. "Ok, hon, step," she said, guiding Tina's right foot into one of the holes. "Other foot," she said, and Tina put her left foot in the other leg. Olivia pulled the pants up, situating them on Tina's waist.

"Ok, honey, Momma's turn to get dressed. Do you want to lay down for a bit?" Olivia asked.

"Nooo…." Tina whined. Olivia laughed slightly.

"Ok, come on," she said, leading Tina back into her own bedroom. She paused in the kitchen to pick up the fallen blankie. When they reached her bedroom, Olivia motioned for her to hop up on the bed.

"Can you stay here like a good girl while Mommy gets dressed?" Olivia asked. Tina nodded, putting her head on Olivia's pillow and pulling the blankie close to her chest. "That's my good girl," Olivia said, stroking Tina's hot face. She disappeared into her closet, selected jeans and a tee for the day and quickly changed her clothes. When she returned to her bedroom, Tina's eyes were half closed, and her thumb was in her mouth.

"Baby, we have to go out for just a little bit," Olivia said, stroking Tina's head.

"Nooo…" Tina said, rolling over.

"I'm so sorry, honey, but we have to," Olivia said, scooping Tina up again.

"NOOO…" she whined, pushing off of Olivia's chest. Olivia hated to do this to her, but she knew it was necessary.

"It won't be long, and when we get back, we can watch a movie, just the two of us. How does that sound?" she asked.

"Cinderella?" Tina asked.

"Whatever you want," Olivia assured her.

"Ok," Tina said, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder again. She was so tired. Olivia managed to coax Tina into boots and a winter coat, and pulled on her own coat.

"Don't forget Munchy Bear," Tina said as Olivia put her hand on the front door.

"How could we forget Munchy Bear?" Olivia said, going to Tina's room to get the beloved toy. Finally, they were ready to leave.

"Detective Benson?" a uniformed officer asked as she locked her front door.

"Yes?" she replied.

"I'm Officer Davis, part of your detail," he explained. "There was a shift change early this morning. I'm supposed to escort you anytime you leave your home." Olivia hated baby-sitters.

"Well, Officer, I hope you can keep up. Let's go," she said. He followed her down the hallway to the elevator, where they rode in silence to the lobby. She exited the building and turned left, heading down the block.

"Um, Detective?" he asked. Olivia turned back towards him, and he gestured towards a squad car. "We'll give you a ride."

"Oh, no, that's not necessary. We're only going two blocks away," she said.

"Detective, please. It's department policy," he said, which she already knew. She shifted Tina slightly.

"We can't. She needs a booster seat, and mine is in my car, which is in a garage three blocks away…in the wrong direction. Really, we can just walk," Olivia said. The driver's side of the car opened and a familiar figure stepped out.

"Liv, will you stop being so difficult and get in the damn car?"

"Jefferies?" Olivia asked, not entirely believing her eyes. Her once frosted, braided hair was now loose and cut short, and her face had a few more lines etched on it, but the woman standing in front of her was definitely Monique Jefferies.

"In the flesh," she said, smiling.

"How…" Olivia started.

"Get in, and I'll explain it on the way," she said.

"Well, like I was trying to explain to your partner, Tina needs a car seat, and mine is three blocks away," Olivia said again.

"We gotcha covered," Jefferies said, popping the trunk on the squad car. "Cragen called me this morning when he saw my name on the roster. He said your kid was sick, and you'd probably be headed to the…"

"DON'T say it," Olivia said, her eyes opening wide and holding up a hand. Jefferies glanced at Tina.

"D-O-C-T-O-R today, so I had Davis over here bring one in," she said. The uniformed officer shrugged.

"I have a five-year-old at home. He outgrew the toddler one not too long ago," Davis explained. Jefferies was already working the car seat into the back seat of the cruiser.

"Ready to go?" Jefferies asked. Olivia, out of excuses, gave in and strapped Tina into the car seat.

"So you and Fin…" Jefferies began. "How in the hell did _that_ happen?"

"It's a long story, and I'd be happy to tell you about it over drinks sometime," Olivia said.

"I just might have to take you up on that offer," Jefferies answered.

"I hope you do," Olivia said as she snapped the last buckle. She closed the car door, and Jefferies stopped her before she could walk around to the other side of the car.

"Hey, I read the case file," Jefferies said.

"Look, it's…" Olivia began.

"I just wanted to tell you that it pissed me off like nobody's business, and there's no way any asshole is going to touch you on my watch, got it?" Jefferies said. Olivia smiled sadly.

"Got it, but Monique, do me a favor, will you?" Liv said.

"Sure, what is it?" Jefferies said.

"Try to watch your language in front of Tina," Olivia said. Jefferies glanced sideways at the child in the backseat of the car.

"Sorry, guess I've been in Vice a little too long," Jefferies said.

"Don't worry about it," Olivia said, giving her friend's arm a friendly squeeze. The three cops piled into the car and they headed towards the clinic.

"So, what's a detective doing slumming it on protective detail?" Olivia asked when they got going.

"The department offered it as overtime. I saw the case, and I could use some extra cash, so here I am," Jefferies explained. "Where are we headed, Liv?"

"Manhattan Family Clinic," she said. "It's two blocks west of here." Jefferies nodded.

"Yeah, I know where that is," she said.

"So, how exactly do you two know each other?" Davis asked.

"Liv and I met when we were both collaring rapists in SVU in my previous life," Jefferies answered. "It didn't work out for me, but looks like Benson's still up to her old tricks." Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I'm a creature of habit, I suppose," Olivia answered.

"And you're one hell…heck of a detective. Sorry…" Jefferies said apologetically. "With an incredibly adorable daughter, I should add."

"Thank you, but you should see her when she's not sick. She's turned into quite the daddy's girl," Olivia said.

"Fin with a daughter. I never thought I'd see that," Jefferies commented.

"He's great with her," Olivia said.

"I'm sure he is, but I remember him being deliriously happy as a bachelor, but if anyone could turn him into a family man, it's you," Jefferies said. She pulled the car over to the curb. "Here we are," she announced. Tina looked out the window and immediately recognized the building.

"NOOOO…." she screamed. Olivia sighed.

"I swear, she catches on earlier and earlier every time," Olivia remarked to the two cops in the front seat. "Come on, Tina, we have to," she said unstrapping Tina.

"No, Momma, I don't want to!" Tina wailed, using arms and legs in a feeble attempt to keep Olivia away from her.

"Tina, I'm not going to fight," Olivia said in a stern voice. "I know you're sick, but the tantrum stops now. Now, are you going to walk, or do you want me to carry you?"

"I'M NOT GOING!" Tina yelled at her, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting.

"Yes, you are. Now let's go," Olivia said.

"No!" Tina said again, sticking her lip out further.

"That look may work on Daddy, but it doesn't work on me. You have til the count of three, or you're going straight to bed when we get home," Olivia said. Tina continued to stare her down.

"One," Olivia began. Tina's lower lip started to quiver.

"Two," Olivia continued. Tina dropped her arms in defeat and crawled over to Olivia.

"Carry me, Momma," she said softly.

"That's better," Olivia said, lifting Tina out of the car.

"Munchy Bear come too?" Tina asked in a soft voice.

"Of course," Olivia said, picking up the toy with her free hand. They entered the clinic with Jefferies and Davis in tow.

"Hi, welcome to the Manhattan Family Clinic. You must be Tina," the overly perky receptionist greeted them.

"She is, yes," Olivia said, indicating Tina. "We have a 10:15 with Dr. Tanner."

"Sure, have a seat. I'll let her know you're here." One of the things Olivia loved about this particular clinic was the efficiency. She had barely sat down when a nurse called them in for a temperature check and escorted them to an exam room. Each exam room had a set of crayons in it, and it was common practice for the children to draw on the paper covering the exam table while they waited, which is what Tina normally did, but today, she was perfectly content to let Liv cradle her.

"Hi, Tina," Dr. Elizabeth Tanner said when she walked in the door. Dr. Tanner had long, curly, strawberry blonde hair framing her pale Irish face, and she looked barely old enough to be in medical school. In actuality, she had been with the practice for seven years and had a natural talent for working with children. "I heard you aren't feeling well," Tina buried her head into Olivia's chest again as Dr. Tanner pulled up a stool to be at Tina's eye level. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

"She has a fever, and she was throwing up last night. This morning we added a sore throat and coughing into the mix," Olivia answered. Dr. Tanner made a disgusted face.

"That doesn't sound very fun, Tina. It's a good thing your Mommy's smart enough to bring you here, though. I bet we can make you feel better again," Dr. Tanner said. "So, what do you think? Can I take a look at you?" she asked.

"No," Tina said, pouting again.

"Ti-na," Olivia chided. Dr. Tanner held up a hand. _It's ok,_ she mouthed.

"Is that Munchy Bear you brought with you?" Dr. Tanner asked, impressing Olivia with her memory. It wasn't Munchy Bear's first time to the clinic, either. Tina nodded slowly, hugging the bear to her chest.

"How about I take a look at him first? Then you can see there's nothing to be scared of," Dr. Tanner said. Tina handed the bear over to Dr. Tanner and adjusted herself in Olivia's arms so she could see what was happening.

"So, Munchy Bear isn't feeling well either, is he?" Dr. Tanner said, putting the bear on the exam table. Tina shook her head.

"Well, I think the first thing we should do is listen to his heart and lungs," Dr. Tanner said. She took the stethoscope from around her neck and placed it on the bear's chest, listening exactly as she would on a human.

"Hmmm…his heart and lungs sound healthy. Think I could listen to yours too, Tina?" she asked. Tina had shifted so that she was sitting squarely on Olivia's lap. Tina's eyes widened in terror. "Your Mommy can hold you while we do it," the doctor explained.

"I think that's an excellent idea," Olivia said, noticing that the doctor was gripping the end of the stethoscope to warm it before placing in on Tina's bare chest.

"Ok…" Tina said hesitantly.

"It won't hurt, I promise," Dr. Tanner said, gently lifting Tina's shirt and placing the stethoscope on Tina's chest. "Can you take a few nice, deep breaths for me?" Tina did what the doctor asked, but by the third breath she was coughing heavily. "Good girl, Tina! You're doing such a good job!" the doctor praised her when she was done. Tina wrapped Olivia's arms around her again as soon as the doctor finished.

"Hmm…I think we should check Munchy Bear's ears, too," Dr. Tanner said. "It's really easy, Tina, and it doesn't hurt either. We just take this thing here, turn on the light, and look inside." She checked both of the bear's ears. "Think maybe I can check yours too? You can stay with your Mommy." Tina nodded, and the doctor checked her ears quickly.

"Now, Tina, we have a little bit of a problem," Dr. Tanner said. "Munchy Bear has a sore throat, doesn't he?" Tina nodded. "Well, his mouth doesn't open, so I can't look at it. Does your throat hurt, too?" Tina nodded again. "Well, you're in luck! Your mouth _does_ open. Think maybe I could take a look at that sore throat of yours? All we have to do is shine this little light down there, and I can see what's hurting it. I'm also going to use this," she said, holding up a tongue depressor. "It's like a big popsicle stick, and it keeps your tongue from getting in the way. It won't hurt at all." She held up the light and the tongue depressor and let Tina inspect them. Tina gave the instruments back to the doctor and opened her mouth. "Ok, Tina, stick out your tongue and say 'ah'." Tina complied.

"Thank you, Tina. Your throat looks really red. It must hurt a lot," Dr Tanner said.

"Yeah," Tina whispered.

"Ok, Tina, now I think I need to check Munchy Bear's eyes, which is also really easy. We use this light," she said, holding up another instrument "and we look inside each one." Once again she demonstrated on the bear. Olivia thought she saw a confused expression cross the doctor's face, but it only lasted for a second.

"Can I look in your eyes, Tina?" Dr. Tanner asked. Tina nodded again, and Dr. Tanner repeated the procedure on Tina.

"Now, I heard Munchy Bear threw up. His tummy hurts too, doesn't it?" she asked. Tina nodded again. "So, we should probably check that out, too. Now, we're going to lay Munchy Bear on the table," which she did gently, "and we just press on his tummy gently to make sure everything's ok in there."

"Can I check your tummy, Tina?" Dr. Tanner asked. Tina looked up at Olivia questioningly.

"It's ok," Olivia said gently.

"Mommy can hold your hand, but for this to work, you have to be laying down. Do you think you can do that?" Dr. Tanner asked. Tina slid off of Olivia's lap and grabbed her hand, walking towards the exam table. Olivia lifted her up onto the table, and held her hand and Dr. Tanner pressed on her belly.

"Ok, Tina, you're tummy looks just fine to me. I'm going to talk to your Mommy for a minute, but why don't you sit here and help Munchy Bear be brave?" Dr. Tanner said, handing the bear back to Tina. Tina nodded. Dr. Tanner pulled Olivia off to the side of the room and spoke to her softly enough that Tina couldn't hear her.

"What's wrong with her, Doctor?" Olivia asked.

"Well, I want to do a strep test to rule it out. We'll do a rapid test here, which takes about 10 minutes to get the results. Her throat looks pretty raw. It doesn't surprise me that she's being so quiet. It probably hurts her to talk. I'm going to warn you, she's not going to like it, so I may need to enlist your help. We have to do a swab of the back of her throat," Dr. Tanner explained. "I'll be as gentle as I can, but it's an unpleasant experience no matter how you do it." Olivia nodded.

"Do whatever you have to do," she said. Dr. Tanner opened the strep test kit and approached Tina again. Olivia joined her and took Tina's hand.

"Tina, can you be a brave, big girl for me?" Dr. Tanner asked. Tina looked up at Olivia questioningly.

"You're a big girl, right?" Olivia asked.

"Ok," Tina said softly.

"I think there might be some yucky bacteria growing in your throat that's making you sick," Dr. Tanner said. "So, what I want to do is find out if it's there. The way we do that is we go in really, really quickly and touch the back of your throat with this," she explained holding up the cotton swab.

"Does it hurt?" Tina asked.

"No, Tina. It doesn't hurt," Dr. Tanner said. "Think you can open your mouth really, really wide for me?" Tina opened her mouth, and Dr. Tanner moved at lightning speed to get the swab, but no matter what technique she used, it was going to trigger Tina's gag reflex. Tina's eyes widened in horror at the unpleasant feeling, but Dr. Tanner was finished before she could react any further. The minute she was finished, Tina broke out into tears.

"Good girl!" Dr. Tanner praised, rubbing her back. She packed the sample up and handed it off to a nurse outside the exam room. Olivia picked up her daughter and was rubbing her back.

"It's ok, Baby. It's ok," Olivia soothed.

"Olivia, there's something else I need to ask you about while we wait," Dr. Tanner said, gesturing Olivia over to the chair.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"Do you happen to have one of those nanny cams installed in Tina's teddy bear?" she asked. Olivia furrowed her brow, and she was suddenly afraid of what the doctor was going to tell her.

"No, why?" Olivia asked.

"Well, when I had the stethoscope on it, I heard a sort of buzzing sound. It was faint, but definitely mechanical, and when I looked in the bear's eyes, one seemed different from the other. Usually they're just glass beads, but this one had a strange look to it. I've actually examined several bears in my career, including one with a nanny cam in it, and that's what this is what that reminds me of," she explained. Olivia felt her blood run cold.

There were five cameras, not four.

_**Seriously, I wish my pediatrician had been like Dr. Tanner. But anyway, I'm having so much fun with Tina and Liv; I almost hate to destroy it…almost. So, where are we going next? And how's Olivia going to react to Dr. Tanner's discovery? Guess you'll have to wait to find out!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 15**

Olivia fought to keep her panic in check. Her heart thudded in her ears as she realized the implications of what Dr. Tanner was saying. What advantage could there possibly be to having a camera hidden in a child's toy?

Unless they were watching Tina.

Whatever the reason, this was a matter for the precinct to deal with. Olivia's priority at this point was the health of her child, but she would deal with that damn bear soon enough.

"Olivia? Are you ok?" Dr. Tanner asked gently. Olivia's attention came back to the present situation.

"Uh, yeah…I'm fine," she lied. There was a soft rap on the door, and a nurse handed Dr. Tanner a folder. Dr. Tanner opened it and scanned the paper inside.

"Well, the good news is that Tina doesn't have strep," she said.

"So, what's wrong with her, then?" Olivia asked.

"This is her first year in preschool, correct?" Dr. Tanner asked. Olivia nodded. "And she goes to Sunny Side?"

"Yes," Olivia confirmed.

"There's been a pretty nasty flu going around, and I've already seen four cases from Sunny Side, all that look like Tina," Dr. Tanner told her.

"So, what should I do for her?" Olivia asked.

"Fluids and bedrest, as much as possible. If she'll eat, let her eat. Otherwise, just keep her as comfortable as you can, and let her body's immune system do its job. My main concern is the fever. You should give her Children's Motrin or Tylenol to bring it down, but if it goes over 104, I want her in the emergency room," Dr. Tanner said. She gauged the look on Olivia's face. "It rarely gets that serious, Olivia. She's a toddler, and toddlers get sick. Do you have any other questions for me?" Olivia remembered Fin's concerns.

"Actually, yes, I do. Umm…well, I'm pregnant…" Olivia began, and Dr. Tanner's eyes lit up.

"Congratulations!" she said.

"Thank you, but should I…I mean, is it safe for the baby to be exposed to the flu?" Olivia asked. Dr. Tanner considered this for a minute.

"Did you have a flu shot this year?" she asked.

"Yes, my husband and I both got them as part of the department physical last fall," Olivia said.

"Then you're fine. The vaccine provides you with immunity, and since your systems and the baby's are both intertwined, it will protect the baby as well. And Olivia, I know you've had trouble with your pregnancies in the past. Now, I'm not an obstetrician, but the best thing you can do is to follow your instincts, and keep yourself away from any and all unnecessary stress," Dr. Tanner said, giving Olivia's forearm a gently squeeze.

"It's good to see you again, although I'm sorry it's under unpleasant circumstances," Dr. Tanner said, standing up. Olivia stood as well, with Tina half asleep hanging over her shoulder.

"You too," Olivia said.

"Well, Miss Tina," Dr. Tanner said. Tina turned her head towards the doctor. "You did a really good job today being a brave girl. Would you like a lollipop?" she asked, pulling out the coveted box of goodies. Usually Tina rushed into this part, with an attempt to try to steal more than one. Tina shook her head and put it back on Olivia's shoulder.

"Well, it was worth a shot," Dr. Tanner said. "Cherry's her favorite, right?" Olivia gave a slight nod. "Here you go, then. Maybe she'll want it later." Olivia took the candy and put it in her purse. Tina probably would ask about it later. And with that, Dr. Tanner left the exam room, heading off to another patient.

Olivia walked down the hall firmly clutching Tina's bear in her arms, past Dr. Emma Baker's office, who was her own OB/GYN, and in the hall passed Dr. Black, the other OB/GYN in the practice. There was something about Dr. Black's cold presence that Olivia just didn't trust. On the outside, she appeared to be a friendly woman, but the temperature seemed to drop a couple of degrees whenever she entered a room.

"All set?" Jefferies asked when Olivia entered the waiting room again. She and Davis were sitting side by side, leafing through magazines.

"I need to go to the precinct," Olivia said with an urgency in her voice. Jefferies set the magazine down and studied Olivia's face.

"What happened? Is Tina ok?" she asked, concerned.

"She's fine; it's just the flu, but I really need to talk to Fin," Olivia said. Jefferies studied her again, and they seemed to have an entire conversation with just their eyes.

"We're supposed to keep her at home unless it's absolutely necessary," Davis said, reiterating the orders they had received before their shift.

"Well, there's no place safer than a building full of cops, so if you want to go to the precinct, Liv, that's where we'll go," Jefferies said. Olivia let out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. Finally, someone on protective detail who was going to treat her like an adult and a cop instead of a child. Davis and Jefferies escorted Olivia and Tina out of the clinic, and within minutes they were headed towards the precinct.

Olivia raced out of the car as soon as she freed Tina from the car seat, grabbing the bear around the head and carting it with her too. Jefferies and Davis opted to stay in the car, knowing that there was little risk to Tina and Olivia inside the precinct. As soon as Olivia stepped off the elevator, she ran into Munch in the hallway.

"Olivia, I thought you were out sick today," Munch said.

"Tina is. Hey, Munch, I gotta ask you something. You wouldn't give my kid a bear with a nanny cam in it without telling me, right?" she asked. Munch furrowed his brow.

"I happen to like my genitalia intact, so that would be a definite no," he said. "Why?" he added, concerned.

"That's what I thought," she muttered. "Look, is Fin around? I really need to talk to him," she asked, changing the subject

"Yeah, I think he's in the bullpen," Munch said. The bullpen. That was the one place Olivia didn't want Tina. So much happened there, and even though Tina was too young to understand most of it, Olivia didn't like exposing her to it any more than absolutely necessary.

"Munch, can you take her to the Children's Interview Room, just for a few minutes?" Olivia asked. Munch nodded, and Olivia handed Tina to him.

"Nooo…Momma…" Tina whined.

"It's ok, sweetheart, just stay with Uncle Munch for a few minutes," Olivia said. Tina calmed down.

"You know, Liv, I think the crib might be a better place for us to hang out," Munch said. Olivia smiled slightly and nodded. Munch made a stop at the Children's Interview Room to pick up a specific storybook, and then he carried Tina into the crib.

"Should we read our special story?" he asked Tina. She nodded sleepily. He arranged them so that she was laying down on one of the cots, but could still see the pictures in the book.

"The Sneetches, by Dr. Seuss," Munch began, opening the book.

"Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches had bellies with stars.  
>The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars.<br>Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small.  
>You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.<p>

But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches  
>Would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."<br>With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort  
>"We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!"<br>And, whenever they met some, when they were out walking,  
>They'd hike right on past them without even talking.<p>

When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball,  
>Could a Plain Belly get in the game? Not at all.<br>You only could play if your bellies had stars  
>And the Plain-Belly children had none upon thars."<p>

Munch paused for a moment and glanced at Tina. She hadn't said a word, and instead was mesmerized by the pictures in the book. He had read this very story to her every time he had baby-sat her, and she still loved their "special story." He continued, and by the time he reached the end, he read: 

"Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,  
>The Fix-It-Up Chappie packed up. And he went.<br>And he laughed as he drove In his car up the beach,  
>"They never will learn. No. You can't Teach a Sneetch!"<p>

But McBean was quite wrong. I'm quite happy to say.  
>That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day.<br>The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches.  
>And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.<br>That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars and whether  
>They had one, or not, upon thars."<p>

By the time he closed the book, Tina was sound asleep on one of the cots. Munch covered her with a blanket and took a seat on the cot opposite her, opening up a newspaper and reading.

XxXxX

Olivia still had the bear and a scowl on her face as she strode into the bullpen. She stopped cold as she saw the case information board near her desk. There were pictures of the Akintolas and the Owusus, but an entire panel was taken up with pictures of her. There was a shot of her getting out of the brown sedan, one with her carrying Tina lifting her sunglasses up onto her head, one of her and Fin walking down the street with Tina between them, and one of her in the park with Tina. If that wasn't bad enough, there were photos of her with Fin in…intimate situations.

"What the hell…" she began upon seeing the board. Her words raised the attention of Elliot who quickly approached her and tried to turn her away.

"Olivia, you weren't supposed to see that. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What the hell is that?" Olivia barked at Elliot, pointing to the board. He sighed.

"It's part of the case, Liv. Really, you weren't supposed to see it," he tried to explain.

"Some of those are private moments, Elliot," she seethed. "You know, it's bad enough to know that these creeps had cameras in my home, but this? This is just a new kind of low." Her eyes burned with fury.

"Ok, relax, Liv," he sighed and continued. "Morales found this. There's a white supremacist group out there, and they have photos of you on their website."

"_WHAT!" _she said. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Look, Liv, the shit hit the fan. These creeps know who you are, they know where you work, and they're pissed," he explained.

"Why?" she asked.

"You have a black husband and a mixed daughter," Elliot said solemnly.

"So what?" Olivia seethed.

"In their eyes, that makes you the worst kind of person, Olivia. You're spitting in the face of your heritage, and polluting the sanctity of the white race with minority blood, according to their beliefs," he said.

"That's absurd," she said.

"Maybe, but what isn't absurd is the talk on the website about wanting to quote 'purify' you again," he said.

"So I really am a target," Olivia said softly. Granted, that little fact was blatantly obvious by now, but for the first time, it was really starting to hit Olivia just what was at stake. Up until now, she could believe that it was her friends overreacting. And then when the cameras showed up, she a big part of her still believed that they were just trying to scare her. But this…this was just too much. And this certainly explained why Fin had reacted so strongly when Tina dropped the phone this morning.

"Yeah," Elliot said, almost as softly. Olivia sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Where's Fin? Does he know about the website?" she asked.

"He ducked into the file room for a minute, and yes, he knows. He was going to tell you about it tonight," Elliot explained. Just then, a harried looking Fin emerged from the file room, and his attention was quickly diverted upon seeing his wife in the bullpen.

"Olivia? Are you ok? Where's Tina?" he asked quickly.

"I'm fine. Tina's with Munch in the crib," she said. "But Morales is a dead man as soon as I find him."

"Why? What happened?" Fin said. Olivia held up the bear.

"He missed a camera," she said bluntly. Fin took the bear from her and studied it.

"How did you…" he began.

"I took Tina to the doctor's this morning, and she always examines a stuffed toy to show the kids there's nothing to be afraid of. She said she heard a buzzing inside and that the eyes were different. She also said that she had seen it before in a bear that had a hidden camera in it," Olivia explained.

"I'll take care of this," he said. "You should go home and take care of Tina."

"Oh, no," Olivia said. "I'm dealing with this myself." He might have been able to convince her to go back home, had Morales not picked that exact moment to walk into the bullpen.

"You incompetent asshole," she seethed, lunging across the room and slapping him across the face.

"Whoa! Liv, knock it off!" Fin said, wrapping a powerful arm around her waist and pulling her far enough away from Morales that should couldn't reach him. Morales clutched his injured cheek.

"What the…" he began.

"You know what. There was another camera in my house that you managed to leave behind," she seethed.

"Liv, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. What do you mean there's another camera?" he asked.

"She found one in Tina's teddy bear," Fin explained. Horror replaced shock on Morales' face.

"Olivia, I swear, it was an accident," he said.

"Like hell it was!" Olivia seethed. Fin tightened his grip on her.

"Liv, come on, calm down. It's not his fault. We all make mistakes," he said.

"Where's the camera now? I'll take a look at it and see if there's anything else on there," Morales said.

"I dropped it on my desk," Fin said. He tipped his head closer to Olivia. "Baby, you've gotta calm down. This isn't good for you." She closed her eyes at took a few deep breaths. When Fin felt her relax slightly, he loosened his grip on her.

"I can't do this," she whispered to him.

"Then don't. Go home. We'll take care of everything else," he said. She was still shaky but agreed.

XxXxX

Tina whined and started to roll in her sleep. Her eyes popped open and she groaned.

"Tina? What's wrong?" Munch asked. He sat next her and stroked her arm slightly.

"No feel good…" she whined.

"I know. Do you want some water or juice?" he asked.

"Nooo…." she said, curling up on her side. "Mommy…."

"She's busy right now, but she'll be back soon," Munch said. Tina's eyes went wide and she slithered out of Munch's reach, hopping off the cot and streaking down the hall of the precinct.

"Tina! Come back here!" Munch called taking off after her. How was she so fast?

Tina barreled straight into the bullpen.

XxXxX

Olivia glanced over her shoulder and saw a pale man with ebony hair and a swastika tattoo on the back of his hand being escorted out of the precinct.

"Is he the guy?" she asked Fin.

"He's the webmaster of the site with all of this garbage on it. We brought him in for questioning," Fin explained. A tiny form came racing towards her, with Munch quick on her heels, dodging the pale man and his escort.

"Momma…I don't feel…." Tina said, rushing up to her. All of a sudden, the toddler stopped midsentence and vomited all over the middle of the bullpen. Her shocked face looked at the puddle on the floor, and she immediately broke into tears.

"Oh, Sweetie, it's ok," she said, crouching down to comfort Tina.

"You should have done the world a favor and gotten an abortion!" the tattooed man yelled at Olivia as he was escorted out of the bullpen. That was the last straw for Fin. He lunged for the tattooed man, finding himself restrained by Elliot.

"Get him outta here!" Elliot yelled to uniformed officer, who hurried the process along. "Let it go, Fin."

"What the hell is going on around here?" Cragen asked loudly, emerging from his office. Her surveyed the scene around him. Olivia, crouching by a crying Tina, Elliot restraining Fin, and Munch trying to make sense of what had just happened. Cragen approached Tina.

"Tina, there's some paper and a pencil on my desk. Why don't you go draw a picture?" he suggested, shooing the child into his office, over her tiny protests. Then he turned to the rest of his squad.

"Ok, look, I know this case has everyone on edge. Olivia, take your daughter and go home. Fin, find something else to do. Munch and Elliot, get this thing solved, and get it solved now," he said.

"Captain…" Fin began.

"Consider it an order," he said. "Now, if anyone wants to say anything the doesn't involve this case, I'm all ears. Otherwise, you all know what to do." Olivia snagged the paper towels and cleaner from a closet nearby and bent down to clean up Tina's vomit.

"Liv, let me do that. You should just get her home," Elliot said, bending down next to her.

"No, it's ok, I've got it," she insisted. He placed his large hand over hers.

"Olivia," he said. Her eyes met his. She could tell by the expression that he desperately wanted to help her, and this was one small thing he could do in the giant mess that the situation had turned into.

"Thanks, El," she said, smiling. She went into Cragen's office and retrieved her daughter. Before she could exit the bullpen, Fin stopped her.

"Liv, did you ask the doctor about the…" he began.

"Yeah. She has the flu, and we've both had flu shots. It's fine," she told him. The look on his face indicated that he didn't quite believe her. "Really," she insisted. "I wouldn't jeopardize this baby for anything."

"Ok…listen, you two take it easy today. I'll see you in a few hours," he said, giving her a peck on the lips. "Love you, Baby. And I love my little girl, too," he said to Tina, stroking her hair.

"Love you, too," Liv said, turning to leave the bullpen.

"Everything ok?" Jefferies asked as she emerged from the precinct.

"For now," Olivia said. "Let's go home." They drove back to Olivia's apartment in silence, with Tina falling asleep within two minutes of the car moving. Olivia walked to her front door and was about to put the key in the lock, when Jefferies stopped her.

"Hold up. You know the drill," she said, taking the keys from Olivia. She inspected the door for any sign of tampering or entry and unlocked it. "You wait for my signal," she told Olivia, drawing her gun. Olivia waited patiently in the hallway.

"Momma…I'm hungry," Tina said softly in her arms.

"I know…just a few minutes," Olivia said.

"All clear!" Jefferies yelled from inside the apartment. Olivia removed Tina's winter gear, putting it in the hall closet.

"I'll be right outside if you need anything," Jefferies said, heading for the open door. "Shift change is at 4:00, just so you know." Olivia thanked her and removed her own winter clothing.

"Ok, Tina, how about some soup?" Olivia asked. Tina wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"Can I have Jell-O?" she asked. Considering Jell-O would probably feel good on her throat and was the first food Tina had expressed interest in, Olivia consented, pulling the container from the fridge. She peeled off the top wrapper and handed it to Tina along with a spoon. Like the popsicle this morning, Tina consumed about half of it, dropped the container and the spoon on the floor and held her arms up for her mother. Once again, Olivia cleaned up her mess and picked Tina up.

"Can we watch Cinderella now?" Tina asked. Olivia chuckled. Tina had the memory of an elephant when it came to promises.

"Sure, sweetie. Why don't you go get Blankie and hop up on the couch while I set it up?" Olivia said.

"Where's Munchy Bear?" Tina asked, suddenly aware that her favorite toy was now gone.

"He's at work with Daddy," Olivia said. Tina considered what she said. She didn't like that her bear wasn't with her, but because it was with her father, she didn't fuss. Olivia's own stomach was growling, so she fixed a sandwich for herself before going to the TV to set up the movie. She pulled a fleece throw blanket out of the linen closet and carried it over to the couch.

"Sit next to me, Momma," Tina said, patting a spot on the couch next to her. Olivia sat down in the couch, placing the plate and her cell phone on the table next to her. Tina immediately laid down next to her, resting her head in Olivia's lap. Olivia covered Tina with the blanket and settled in to watch Cinderella for the millionth time. Tina was asleep with her thumb in her mouth before the opening credits finished. Olivia felt her head again. She was still burning up.

Suddenly, Olivia knew what she wanted. Or rather, what her baby wanted. She picked up the phone and shot Fin a text message so as not to risk waking Tina.

_Any chance your pregnant wife can get chocolate sauce and French fries from her favorite diner tonight?_ she texted. She waited, and almost immediately her phone vibrated next to her.

_Regular or curly fries?_ he replied.

_Curly. Definitely curly,_ she wrote back.

_You got it, Babe. See you tonight,_ he wrote back.

Olivia was also exhausted, between her passionate night with Fin the night before, the nightmare, and being awakened in the middle of the night. Her own eyes closed sometime during the movie, and she dozed right alongside her daughter. Some time later, she awoke to the sound of a very audible thump in her hallway.

"Jefferies?" she called. The only answer she got was silence.

_**Have the bad guys caught up with her? Or did Jefferies simply not hear her? Or could it be Fin in the hallway? Oh, there are so many choices at this point…which one, which one…**_

_**Olivia: Um, hi.**_

_**Me: Yes?**_

_**Olivia: What are you doing?**_

_**Me: Don't know yet, why?**_

_**Olivia: Well, I'm digging the happy, married thing. Can't Munch and Stabler just catch the bad guys already?**_

_**Me: …I'll consider your request.**_

_**Olivia: …**_

_**Opinions? Reviews? I'm all ears! Looks like we know what Olivia's vote is, but I'd like to know what you all think, too.**_


	16. Chapter 16

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 16**

Olivia gently lifted Tina's head off of her lap so that she could investigate the sound. Tina stirred, but remained asleep as Olivia gently placed her head on the sofa. Her eyes were on the door the entire time.

"Jefferies?" she called again. Still nothing. Her gun was locked in the small gun safe on her nightstand, in the opposite direction from the door. She wanted to be armed. She headed for the bedroom, and the instant she crossed the threshold, she felt an arm grasp her own and twist it behind her back and the barrel of a gun pressed against her temple. A body pressed close to hers, pinning her to the wall. She felt a pair of lips nuzzle her behind her ear.

"Told you we'd be in touch," the voice said. She felt his hot breath on her neck, and the images of Sealview came flooding into her brain like a dam bursting. _No, not again,_ she screamed silently.

"What do you want?" she asked. "We don't keep cash in the house, but I have jewelry…" He laughed sinisterly in her ear.

"Money is the last thing in the world I want. I'm here to teach you a lesson," he hissed. A crash from the living room distracted him momentarily.

"Mommy!" a voice screamed.

_Tina!_ Liv thought. She seized her opportunity and twisted out of his grasp, giving him a sharp jab with her elbow before taking off. She sprinted for the living room, but stopped cold at the sight in front of her. A second intruder had Tina around the waist and was pressing a gun to her temple.

"Try anything, and I kill the fucking nigger!" he yelled. Olivia was willing to risk her own life, but not Tina's, and it would take less than a second for him to kill her daughter. The first intruder recovered quickly from her blow and joined them.

"Mommy, help!" Tina cried as she struggled fruitlessly to get out of the beastly man's grasp.

"Shut up, kid," the man said, pressing the barrel of the gun harder to her. Tina whimpered, still continuing to fight against him to get to her mother, not fully understanding the danger of the weapon pressed tight against her skull.

"Did you really think it would be that easy?" the first man asked, training the gun back on Olivia again. He grabbed her by the throat with his free hand and pulled her against him once more. He pressed his pelvis closer to her body, and she could tell he was already semi-hard. He ground his pelvis lightly into her ass and brought his face next to her ear. His hand left her throat and skimmed her body, lingering over her breasts. She felt his hot breath next to her face as he inhaled her scent.

"You know, if you didn't have that nigger stench on you, we could have had a little bit of fun before that coon comes back," he told her.

"Mommy…" Tina whimpered again. Olivia tried to jerk away from the man holding her, hardly able to stand hearing her daughter so terrified.

"No, no, honey. You're going to do what we tell you to do, or my friend can get a little trigger happy," he told Olivia with a smirk. A small cry escaped her lips. "You can be a good girl, can't you?" he added, kissing the side of her head.

"No, please don't…" Olivia begged.

"Joseph, where's the rope?" he said to the man holding Tina. The man, Joseph, handed the first intruder a length of harsh twine. Olivia felt her arms pull behind her and the twine wrap around them. They were tied too tight, and the harsh material cut into her wrists.

"Just so you don't try that little trick of yours again," he said.

"My husband will be home soon," Olivia said, trying in vain to get them to reconsider.

"Good. We'll give that nigger piece of shit you've been fucking a surprise when he gets home," he told her.

"You…you're not supposed to say the N word," Tina whimpered. _Oh, Tina, please be quiet, _Olivia thought.

"Shut your ugly ass up!" Joseph said, bringing a hand down hard across her face. Tina wailed in response, causing Joseph to drop the gun momentarily as he withdrew a bandana from his pocket. Olivia saw her moment of opportunity. If she could just get to the gun, but her hands were bound. Before any sort of plan could cement in her head, Joseph wrapped the bandana around Tina's head, gagging her and picked up the gun again.

"Don't hurt her," Olivia begged, trying to wiggle out of her captor's grasp. Joseph shifted Tina in his arms and came within a few inches of Olivia's face.

"And just what are you going to give me to make sure that I don't?" he asked, cupping Olivia's crotch with his massive hand.

"Not yet!" the other captor barked. He jerked Liv by the hair and led her back into her bedroom, tossing her on the bed with her hands still bound behind her.

"But don't worry," he added as he skimmed her clothed body before he turned to Joseph, smirking at his companion, "that fun will come soon enough."

XxXxX

Fin was ready to be home. After everything that had happened today…the discovery of the camera, Olivia's scuffle with Morales, and the skinhead freak they had questioned, he was ready to admit that this case was unnerving him more than he liked. He stopped by a convenience store, picking up Olivia's favorite brand of chocolate sauce and then waited for a fresh order of French fries from the deli two doors down from their apartment building. It was such a simple thing, but if French fries and chocolate sauce would make Olivia happy for a few minutes, then it was worth it.

He saw the squad car parked near the apartment, but didn't give it much thought. As much as Olivia hated it, he felt better knowing there was a protective detail on her. He walked through the lobby and closed his eyes as the elevator carried him to his floor.

From the moment he got off the elevator, he knew something was wrong. There was supposed to be a cop out here, and yet, there wasn't one. He drew his gun as he approached his front door.

The door was still closed, and there was no sign of forced entry. He thought about calling for back up, but decided against it. They had both been jumpy, and he didn't want to call the precinct for another false alarm. It was possible the cop was just out taking a break or making a sweep of the perimeter. He keyed into the apartment, but he still hadn't reholstered his gun.

"Olivia?" he called. "Tina?" He set the food down on the table.

XxXxX

"Daddy!" Tuina struggled to scream through the gag that had been placed around her mouth to silence her cries. The result was little more than a muffled whisper.

"Answer him," Olivia's captor hissed as he jerked her off the bed and held his gun to her head. She didn't even bother to try to hide her fear.

"We…we're in here," she called, her voice cracking at the last syllable. The minute Fin stepped through the door, he met the barrel of a gun.

"Drop it," a gruff voice said. Fin's eyes found a bound Olivia, and time almost seemed to come to a screeching halt.

"They have Tina," she said softly. A whimper from the corner of the room confirmed what she said.

"Ok, let's all just calm down," Fin said, still keeping his weapon trained on the man who held his wife tight against his massively built body.

"I said, drop it!" the voice repeated. Fin quickly evaluated his options. If he laid down his gun, he was defenseless. But on the other hand, there wasn't much a restrained Olivia could do to help him, and Tina was more of a liability than anything else.

"I'll kill your daughter now unless you drip the fucking gun!" the man roared.

"Ok, ok," Fin said. He pushed the lever on the grip of the gun, ejecting the magazine, and pulled back on the lever to free the round in the chamber. If he was going to turn over his weapon, it sure as hell wasn't going to be loaded. He moved slowly, setting the weapon on the ground. He stood back up, raising his empty hands as a sign of good faith.

"Now there's a first," the man with the gun at Olivia's head said with a cruel laugh. "A nigger actually willing to do something for his kid…never saw that before." Joseph grabbed Fin's arms and wrenched them behind his back.

"You better learn to listen to your superiors, Boy," he spat as he tied the twine tight around Fin's wrists. "Or things will get very bad for you."

Find withheld a smart remark and instead allowed the man to bind him. He fought back a wince as the man pulled tight, creating a slight tingling feeling in Fin's fingers. Joseph came around in front, and the two men stared one another down, neither willing to back down from the man they thought was beneath them. Joseph smirked at Fin before he pointed his gun at Tina who was laying in the corner of the bedroom, tears making their way down her light brown face.

"Don't hurt her!" Olivia pleaded franticly as she struggled against her captor's grasp to get to Tina with no success. "Please, I'll do anything you want, just don't hurt her!"

"Let my daughter go, and let her go now!" Fin barked. "Whatever issue you have with my wife or me doesn't include her!"

Almost immediately Joseph turned the gun back on Fin. His dark blue eyes filled with such a seething, raging hate, Fin would have been lying if he said he wasn't terrified, but he would never let Olivia see him like that, a mere coward.

"You _ever_," Joseph snarled, shaking so hard he had trouble speaking, "even _think_ about giving me or any other white man an order again, I'm going to cut out that big black tongue and shove it down your fucking throat! You hear me, Boy?"

"My name is Fin," Fin snapped. "Use it." Before Fin could even blink, his face met with the cold steel of the pistol Joseph had in his hand. He bit back a cry of pain and instead simply jerked his head back until they were eye to eye again. Joseph put the weapon to Fin's skull and pulled the charger back.

"I'm gonna enjoy killing you when the time comes, Boy. You and your nigger kids," he whispered faintly. Fin's eyes widened in absolute unwavering terror for one reason and one reason only – kids, plural.

He knew Olivia was pregnant.

Joseph smirked at the look of horror on Fin's face before he took a step back and pointed the gun at Tina again. "Move or speak, and I kill the black bitch." Without waiting for confirmation, Joseph went over to his bedside drawer, wrenching open the cupboards and pulling out the drawers. He emptied the contents of the nightstand drawer and threw the empty box against the wall, leaving an imprint. Joseph picked up an 8x10 photo and prepared to rip it when he caught sight of what it was. He shook his head as he turned to the first man and held out the picture for him to see.

"Now, that is a fucking shame. All that beauty wasted on a brainless nigger who doesn't even know what hold to stick it in." The photo was one of a set that Olivia had given Fin as a special wedding present. She had gone to a boudoir photography studio, and she had done an entire session of semi-nude and nude poses for Fin and Fin only. Those photos were the reason why, after they were married, he never again picked up a Playboy or Penthouse. When Olivia was working late on a case, those were the photos he used to entertain himself with. In his eyes, he had pictures of a woman far more sensual and sexier than any of the models in any of those magazines.

Joseph turned to Fin and smirked as he tucked the photos into his jacket. "I think I'll keep these for later. It's not like you'll ever need them again."

Fin glared harshly at his words, but remembered the threat against his daughter, so he kept silent. Joseph turned back towards Olivia and licked his lips as he scanned her up and down before spoke.

"You have a rocking body, Baby," he seethed. Olivia flinched. Fin was the one and only person, other than her mother, who called her "Baby," and hearing it roll off this man's lips made her nauseous. Joseph moved to the other nightstand where he jerked the drawer open, treating its contents in a similar manner to the first. Olivia's heart pounded. She knew what he was going to find in there, and she didn't want him to find it.

"Whoa! What's this?" Joseph asked, picking up the one of the two objects Olivia had hidden within the depths of the drawer. She had bought it as a special birthday present for Fin, but when the time had come, she was just too nervous to use it. Fin's eyes never left Joseph as he rummaged through Olivia's personal things. The object Joseph was holding was roughly 5 inches in length, not very wide in circumference, stainless steel, and consisted of a tapered end with a flanged bottom. At the base of the object was a sparkling, pink rhinestone.

A butt plug. Olivia had a butt plug in her nightstand. How in the hell did he not know _that_?

He slowly turned his head towards Olivia and his questioning brown eyes locked on her pleading ones. Her face was flushed scarlet. That was supposed to be a surprise for him and only him, once she worked up the nerve to try it. She knew it was something he desperately wanted, but he would never ask her for it because he knew she was afraid that it might hurt. The grin on Joseph's face got even bigger.

"Oh, I think we're going to have a lot of fun," he said. He looked at his partner, who was keeping Olivia and Fin under control. His partner sighed.

"Go ahead, but be quick about it. I don't want to be here all day," he said, shoving Olivia towards Joseph. Joseph flicked open the button on Olivia's jeans and yanked the zipper down.

"Leave my wife alone!" Fin yelled, unable to contain himself.

"I thought I told you to shut up!" the partner said, bringing a hand across Fin's face. "Last warning." Joseph forced a struggling Olivia to her knees and bent her forward so that her head was touching the ground.

"Stop, please…" Olivia pleaded. Joseph ignored her, yanking her jeans and panties off far enough to expose what he wanted. He picked up the second object that had caught his attention – a bottle of lube – and applied just enough of the slippery substance to get the job done. He then took the plug and eased it with enough force that she was uncomfortable, but not enough to hurt her. Fin listened as she grunted and whimpered, and yet…he had wanted to do something similar to her for years. Definitely not cruelly like this was and after a great deal of sexual stimulation to her, but this act…he tried to force his body not to respond to the sight of the stainless steel object disappearing into her depths.

"Stop, please," she begged again, but her voice was softer this time. It was about the width of two fingers, but it suddenly felt ten times that size actually going inside her. She fought against the tears that threatened to spring into her eyes. Finally, she felt her sphincter close around the flanged end, lodging the object in place. Joseph stood her back up and rearranged her clothes so that she was once again fully dressed.

"Ok, you've had your fun. Now, let's get the hell out of here," the still unidentified man said. He scooped up a bound and gagged Tina and pressed his gun into Fin's back. Joseph took hold of Olivia, holding his own gun to her.

"Rules." the first man said. "There's a gun trained on each of you. Either one of you fucks up, the other's dead. As for the kid, I won't hesitate to shoot her, too. Now, go," he said, prodding Fin towards the door. Joseph followed with Olivia. They led them down the back stairs of the building, which exited to the alley behind the building. Waiting for them was an inconspicuous brown van, with windows only at the driver and passenger sides. The unidentified man opened the back door.

"Get in, Boy," he told Fin. Fin looked inside the darkened van and swallowed hard. Being moved from the primary scene of a crime drastically reduced the odds of survival. And yet, in this case, if he didn't do it, Olivia was surely dead. Fin heard the cocking of a gun and shook aside any of his objections, clamoring into the van as quickly as he could without the use of his hands. Tina was summarily tossed into the back, as well, and Fin could tell she was trying to say something, but he couldn't make out what it was through the gag.

"Your turn," Joseph told Olivia.

"You don't have to do this…" Olivia said.

"You may be white, but I'll still kill you," Joseph warned. Olivia swallowed hard and climbed into the van.

"You ok?" Fin said in a hushed whisper when she settled next to him.

"Yeah," she said, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the back of the van. Her stomach was in knots, and she wasn't sure if it was from the pregnancy or the foreign object lodged inside her. Joseph climbed in behind her and slammed the back door closed.

"No, sweetheart, I don't think so. You're going to ride over here with me," Joseph said, tugging at Olivia and seating her firmly on his lap. The unidentified man had moved to the driver's seat, and van filled with the sound of an engine turning over. It shook slightly, and the metal around them started to vibrate.

They were moving.

_**Sorry! I know you all wanted it to be Fin in the hall, but well…sometimes we just have to move the story along. Although, I must say, this chapter took quite a long time to write. Olivia just didn't want to let herself get kidnapped! Special thanks to Bellatrix wannabe 89 for getting past that little hurdle!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 17**

Olivia was terrified, but she was more afraid for her daughter than herself. Fin, on the other hand, was more concerned about his pregnant wife and the lack of control their present company seemed to possess.

"I can see why you went after this one," Joseph said, running his hands over Olivia's body. Olivia squirmed on his lap, trying to escape his grasp. Joseph tightened his grip on her. "She has all of the beauty of a white woman with the curves of a nigger. No wonder you couldn't keep your hands off of her." His hand found her breast. She flinched and tried to pull away, causing him to squeeze tighter. Olivia yelped in pain.

"Get your hands off of her!" Fin yelled, lashing out with his feet. Joseph cocked his gun and put it to Olivia's head.

"Try that again, and I'll blow her fucking head off!" he yelled. He let his words sink in. Fin repositioned himself on the side of the van, away from Olivia. "Good. Now, where were we…" he said, clicking the safety back in place and holstering the gun. His hands found Olivia's waistband. He popped the button on her jeans and slid the zipper down.

"No!" Olivia cried, trying to pull away again. Joseph pulled her back on his lap.

"Go ahead, fight. I like that," he hissed in her ear. His hand found her panties and slipped inside. She tried to fight against the invasion, but her movements were restricted to feeble flailing. She felt his finger work its way through her folds. Her breathing was coming in sharp gasps.

"Stop," she cried.

"We're just getting started, Baby," Joseph whispered, kissing her neck. She tried to jerk away, but failed. She felt two fingers ram into her, and she yelped at the sudden intrusion.

"You're so damn tight. I would have thought that giving birth to a nigger would have stretched you out," Joseph said. "I'm going to love fucking you."

_**Almost four years ago…**_

"_Harder…" Olivia panted. She was rolled on her side, clutching a pillow. Fin held her top leg, bent at the knee, as he thrust into her from behind. As her pregnancy had progressed, their usual positions had become more and more difficult, and ultimately, impossible due to the swelling of her belly. Fin moved according to Olivia's demands. This really was for her, after all. She had heard a rumor that sex was supposed to stimulate labor, and she was so desperate to be relieved of the aches and pains of pregnancy, that she wanted to try it. And that's how Fin found himself making love to his wife twice a day for the past week and a half._

"_Uhhh…" Olivia groaned. He swept her hair aside and kissed her just behind her ear as he continued to thrust. She was close, and so was he. Finally, he felt her contract around him, moaning as she reached her peak, sending him over the edge, too. They lay together for a few moments, breathing heavily, with Fin rubbing her massively swollen belly._

"_Any action yet?" Fin asked. Olivia groaned._

"_No. I'm starting to think this kid is going to walk out of me fully grown," she said. Fin chuckled. Not only was Olivia nine months pregnant, but her due date was four days ago._

"_Have you talked to the doctor?" he asked, finally sitting up. _

"_Yeah. She wants to give it three more days. If she's not born by then, we can consider inducing," she said, attempting to pull herself into a sitting position, but not being able to do so without some assistance from Fin. Fin bent down so that his face was close to her belly._

"_You hear that, Kid? Mommy's just about ready to evict you, so it might be time to move things along down there," he said. Olivia chuckled. _

"_C'mon, we don't have all day," Olivia said, climbing out of bed. Fin watched her backside as she waddled towards the bathroom. Her body had filled out over the course of her pregnancy, and he had to say, he liked what he saw. He also hated to see her so miserable. When she sat down, she had a hard time getting back up. If she laid on her back, the baby pressed against her spine, making her uncomfortable. She was used to sleeping on her stomach before her pregnancy, and now she whimpered in her sleep. Her ankles were swollen, and she hadn't gone a day without back pain in months. _

"_Ah!" she cried, bending forward slightly, causing Fin to jump to high alert._

"_What's wrong? Is it a contraction?" he asked._

"_No," Olivia said, turning to face him. "I think the baby's feet are right around here," she said, indicating an area a few inches below her left breast. "I think she just kicked my lung." That had been happening too. Sometimes it was just her lungs, but a few weeks ago, Olivia had the unfortunate luck of getting kicked in the bladder. Apparently, their daughter had decided to declare war on Olivia. Sure, Olivia had expected a certain mother-daughter tension, but she always assumed that would happen when her daughter was closer to her teens rather than birth._

"_Well, when she gets here, I'll have to spank her for that. She should know that she isn't allowed to beat her mother up," Fin said with a grin._

"_You wouldn't…" Olivia began._

"_I was kidding. You know I wouldn't do anything like that," he said. Olivia smiled and turned towards the bathroom again. He heard the water run and he rubbed his eyes. He wanted his daughter born, too. Olivia could barely sleep because she had a hard time getting and staying comfortable, and he hated to see her in that condition._

"_DAMMIT!" he heard from the bathroom. He rushed in to check on her._

"_You ok, Liv?" he asked the steam-filled room._

"_No!" she exclaimed. He rushed to the shower and pulled back the curtain gently. She was standing under the spray, practically in tears._

"_What's wrong?" he asked._

"_I dropped the soap," she practically wailed. Fin tried to suppress a grin and failed miserably._

"_It's not funny!" she cried._

"_Ok," he said, still chuckling. "why don't you just let me help you out." He climbed in the shower with her. _

"_I hate this," she said._

"_Hate what?" he asked, searching for the fallen soap. He located it, and soaped up a washcloth._

"_I hate not being able to do the littlest things, like picking the soap up when I drop it," she said as Fin moved the washcloth over her body. "And I can't remember the last time I could tie my own shoes."_

"_I know. It will be over soon, and then we'll have our precious daughter," Fin told her gently. Olivia couldn't help but smile. A daughter. She still couldn't believe this was actually going to happen. "But for now, let me take care of you." As he cleaned her body, he placed gentle kisses along her skin. Olivia sighed and closed her eyes. When Fin finished washing every inch of her, he quickly washed himself. Olivia reached out to shut the water off, and he batted her hands away._

"_How bad is your back this morning?" he asked._

"_Pretty bad. I feel like there's a hundred pound weight lodged on it," she said._

"_Let's see what we can do about that," Fin said, gently placing her hands on the wall in front of her so that she could arch her back without toppling over. He adjusted the spray so that the water hit the spot on her back that had been causing her particular trouble for several months. He placed his hands on her back and started gently kneading at the muscles underneath._

"_Uhhh…that feels so good…" she sighed. "Where in the world did you learn how to do that?"_

"_My mom used to get sore necks. I was the only one she trusted not to make it worse," he said._

"_Well, she was on to something because my back is starting to actually feel better," she said as he continued to work at her, steadily applying more pressure. He worked for a while longer, until he felt her muscles relax completely._

"_How's that?" he asked. She stood up straight._

"_That…is incredible. Thank you," she said, turning in the shower to give him a gentle kiss. _

"_Do you want to go to work today, or do you think you should rest?" he asked. She shut the water off and stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel around her body._

"_You've asked me that every day for the past three weeks. I'm going to work. I don't want to use any of my maternity days before I have to," she explained. Fin smiled and shook his head. Even pregnant, she still felt drawn to the precinct like a moth to a flame._

_The morning progressed into the afternoon, filled with what had become routine. Fin and Elliot had been sent out on a call, and Olivia did whatever she could on modified duty. Mostly, it consisted of paperwork and taking victim statements. They wouldn't allow her to do interrogations on the off chance that a suspect might attack her. And going out on calls was simply out of the question. Still, Olivia enjoyed the chance to get out of the house and stretch her muscles. It alleviated the boredom, and she felt like she was still a member of the team. It was almost lunch time when she decided that she absolutely had to have a cup of coffee._

"_Munch!" she called from the coffee machine. "Did you make this?"_

"_Of course I made it. I'm the only one around here who bothers to even make the coffee anymore," he said._

"_That's not what I meant. I was just going to ask if it was decaf or regular," she said._

"_Leaded. It's the only real coffee there is," he answered._

"_Normally, I'd agree with you, but the baby's not supposed to have caffeine. She's squirrely enough in there as it is," she said, tinker with the machine to make her own coffee._

"_Liv, I need you for an interview, if you feel up to it," Cragen said, emerging from his office with a file. She motioned for him to set it on the counter._

"_Sure, what's the case?" she asked._

"_It's a kid. Mother claims the stepfather's molesting her. She's been skiddish around her male teachers, so…" he trailed off._

"_You want a woman to talk to her," Olivia finished._

"_Exactly," Cragen finished. _

"_Sure, Captain. Let me just get a…" Olivia stopped suddenly. She felt a pop in her lower abdomen, followed by a rush of fluid. It felt like someone had reached in and squeezed her uterus. She bent forward, gripping the counter. Cragen reached out to steady her._

"_Liv? You ok? What's going on?" he asked. Olivia gritted her teeth. She took a few deep breaths._

"_That interview's going to have to wait, Captain, because I think my water just broke," she said. Cragen's eyes went as wide as saucers. _

"_Munch!" Cragen called. "Go grab some towels from the locker room!" He turned his attention back to Olivia. "How long have you been in labor?"_

"_I didn't think I was," she said. "I've been feeling light contractions for the past day or so, but my doctor said it was probably just false labor. Captain, I have to get to the hospital. There's a bag in my locker with extra clothes and stuff for the baby."_

"_Ok, Olivia, we'll take care of it," he said. Munch returned quickly with the towels and made a second trip to the locker room retrieving Olivia's bag. "Ok, Liv, are you ready? There's a car waiting downstairs whenever you want," Cragen said._

"_Fin…someone call Fin," she said._

"_I'm already on it," Munch said, reaching for his phone._

"_Munch, you're in charge," Cragen said as he was escorting Olivia to the elevator._

"_Not again," Munch muttered._

"_Captain, you don't have to come with me…" Olivia said._

"_Nonsense. I'm driving you to the hospital, and I'm going to stay with you until your husband shows up," he said. _

"_Hang on," Olivia said, as she leaned against the wall. Her face scrunched up as another contraction ripped through her._

"_Here, Liv, squeeze my hand," Cragen said. The minute she grasped his hand he regretted offering. It felt like she was trying to crush every bone in his hand. Still, he said nothing, because he knew that the pain he was feeling was nothing compared to what she was going through._

"_Ok, let's go," she said, when the worst of it passed._

_XxXxX_

"_Fin," he answered as his phone buzzed insistently. Elliot and Fin had spent the morning at a crime scene involving a dead prostitute._

"_It's Munch. I get the honor of being the one to tell you that Olivia just went into labor," he said._

"_What! When?" he asked. Elliot had been talking to Warner, and they both stopped and looked at Fin._

"_Just a few minutes ago. Cragen's taking her over to Mercy," Munch said._

"_Ok, I'm on my way," he said, hanging up the phone. It was then that he noticed the inquisitive looks on Elliot's and Warner's faces._

"_Olivia's in labor," he told them as a smile spread across his face. _

"_Go," Warner said. "I'll have everything sent over to you later."_

"_Let's go, Dad," Elliot said, as he and Fin headed towards their sedan. As soon as they were inside, Elliot flipped on the lights and sirens._

"_What are you doin', man?" Fin asked._

"_The hospital's at least a hundred blocks away. You want to get there before your daughter's born, right?" Elliot said. Fin just grinned as Elliot sped into traffic._

_XxXxX_

"_Ok, Olivia, breathe…" Cragen coached her. She had been admitted and was in a hospital bed. They were waiting for the doctor to come in to figure out just how far along she was._

"_Ahhh…!" she screamed. Her contractions had been coming closer together and seemed to be picking up in intensity. Cragen waited patiently until this one passed. Olivia leaned back, panting._

"_You're doing great," he said. He dabbed her face with a cool cloth as her body relaxed._

"_I just hope she hurries up," Olivia said, rubbing her belly. Just then, a thirty-something woman entered the room in a white coat._

"_Hi, Olivia, I'm Dr. Baker. I'm the obstetrician on call today. How are we doing?" she said._

"_I've had better days," Olivia said. Dr. Baker chuckled._

"_Let's take a look at what's going on," she said. She lifted Olivia's gown and examined her abdomen. Her brow furrowed slightly._

"_Get me a portable ultrasound," Dr. Baker told the nurse standing by. The nurse hurried out of the room._

"_What? What's going on?" Olivia asked, suddenly worried. "Is the baby ok?" Dr. Baker smiled._

"_Don't worry," she said. "I just want to check the baby's position." Olivia didn't seem convinced. The nurse came back with the machine. "We're just going to do a quick ultrasound. It's the same procedure you've had throughout your pregnancy," Dr. Baker said, placing the clear goo on her belly. She moved the wand over Olivia's belly._

"_Is she ok?" Olivia asked softly. At that moment, Fin came rushing through the door._

"_Olivia," he said, rushing to her side and taking the hand that Cragen had been holding._

"_You must be the husband," Dr. Baker said._

"_I'll be in the waiting room," Cragen said. "Take good care of my Detective, Doctor." Cragen went to join Elliot in the waiting room, leaving Fin and Olivia alone with Dr. Baker. Fin noticed the instruments, and now it was his turn to get concerned._

"_Is everything ok?" he asked._

"_Well, we have an issue, but it's a minor one. Your baby is fine," she said. "But this is her head," she said, pressing a few keys on the instrument. "The way she's positioned, her shoulder is poised to enter the birth canal first."_

"_What does that mean?" Olivia asked._

"_The easiest way to deliver a baby is head first, which I'm sure you know. Based on the way she's positioned, that's not going to happen," Dr. Baker said._

"_Is there any way to get the baby out head first?" Fin asked._

"_Based on the progression of your wife's labor and the position of the baby, I'm uncomfortable with a vaginal delivery at this point," Dr. Baker said._

"_So…" Fin started, looking at Olivia. He felt like he was going to panic. This was supposed to be the easy part, and now things were going wrong._

"_What do we do, Doctor?" Olivia asked._

"_I think we should consider a Caesarian section," Dr. Baker said. "In my opinion, it's the safest way to deliver the baby. It's a quick procedure, usually less than an hour. All we do is make an incision here, along your bikini line, deliver the baby, and stitch you back up," Dr. Baker explained._

"_Will I…will I be awake when she's born?" Olivia asked. This moment was going to rank in the top five best moments of her life, and she didn't want to be asleep when she officially became a mother._

"_Yes, we do a spinal block for it. You might feel some pressure, but you won't feel any pain from the waist down," Dr. Baker explained._

"_And can my husband stay with me?" Olivia asked. Fin had to be there for the birth of his daughter. They had planned this ever since Olivia found out she was pregnant._

"_Absolutely. It's an operating environment, so he'll have to be gowned, but he can be there," she explained. Olivia and Fin looked at each other._

"_It will take you four to six weeks to recover, and it could be another six months before you're completely recovered. But, C-sections are extremely common, and there's very little risk," Dr. Baker explained._

"_What exactly are the risks?" Fin asked. He was gripping Olivia's hand like a lifeline._

"_The major risk is infection. The incision site will have to be cared for properly. It is a surgery, so there's a remote risk of hemorrhaging, as well as the other inherent risks of surgery," Dr. Baker explained. "But, the other option is that we try to reposition the baby, and at this stage of labor, that can be extremely dangerous for both Olivia and the baby." _

"_What do you think, Baby Girl?" Fin asked, stroking Olivia's hair with his free hand. His other one was still clutching hers._

"_I want to do whatever's best for the baby," Olivia said softly._

"_You're absolutely sure this is safe for Olivia, too?" Fin asked the doctor._

"_She'll be fine," Dr. Baker assured him. _

"_Please, Fin. I don't want anything to happen to her now," Olivia begged. Fin studied his wife's eyes carefully. He could see the fear in them. She had wanted this baby for far too long to risk it now._

"_Ok, if you're sure," he said, stroking her damp hair. _

"_What do we do?" Olivia asked._

"_I'll get the papers ready, and then we'll get you prepped," Dr. Baker said, and then she left to take care of the preparations. _

"_You're really sure this is what you want to do?" Fin asked after Dr. Baker left._

"_Yeah, I'm sure." Now it was her turn to see the fear in his eyes. "Relax. My mom had a C-section. There's nothing to worry about."_

"_Yeah, but…surgery," Fin said._

"_Look at it this way. She's taking after me," Olivia said. Fin managed a weak smile. _

"_I love you," he said._

"_I know, and I love you too. I'll be fine. We'll both be fine," she assured him. He leaned down to kiss her. "Now, I need you to do something for me."_

"_Anything, Baby," he said._

"_Go tell the guys what's going on. I don't want to hear anyone whining that we didn't tell them anything," Olivia said._

_XxXxX_

_An hour later, Olivia was on an operating table with a drape hanging over her, blocking out everything below her waist. Fin was in surgical scrubs, and holding her hand._

"_Can you feel this?" Dr. Baker asked, pressing on Olivia's belly. Olivia waited to feel something. _

"_I think that's a 'no,'" Dr. Baker said. "We're ready to begin." Fin held Olivia's hand in silence._

"_Scalpel," Dr. Baker said. Olivia felt a slight pressure on her stomach, but that was it. She waited for what felt like an eternity as Dr. Baker bent over her belly._

"_Foreceps," Dr. Baker said. Again, Olivia and Fin waited in silence. They were entirely too nervous to talk._

"_Prep for delivery," Dr. Baker said. Olivia felt a shifting in her abdomen, but no pain. Minutes later, the silence in the room was broken by the high pitch wail of an infant. Olivia's breath hitched. _

"_Time of birth, 6:38pm," Dr. Baker announced._

"_Where's my baby?" Olivia asked, worried._

"_She's right here. We'll bring her over to you shortly," Dr. Baker said. "We're checking her vital signs."_

"_Apgar score is a ten, Doctor," the nurse said. _

"_Excellent," Dr. Baker said. She paused for a minute. "Your daughter would like to meet you," the doctor said, coming around to the other side of the drape. Olivia took the baby in her arms, still covered in fluids from birth._

"_Ohhh…" she said. "Hi, honey." _

"_Prepare the close," Dr. Baker said from the other side of the drape. _

"_I'm your Mommy," Olivia told the baby. The baby seemed to understand what Olivia was saying because as soon as she heard the voice, her wailing died down. Fin reached out and placed a hand on her tiny head._

"_And I'm your Daddy," he said softly. They were both so absorbed in the moment that neither of them noticed that the surgery was over._

"_How are we doing?" Dr. Baker asked._

"_She's perfect," Olivia said, still unable to take her eyes off her new daughter. _

"_We need to get you into recovery, and I want to get her checked out," Dr. Baker said. Olivia didn't want to let go. "We'll get her examined and cleaned up, and then I promised, we'll bring her right back to you. Dad, if you want to stay, you're more than welcome to."_

"_I'll stay with you, if you want," Fin told Olivia._

"_No, stay with her. I'm fine. In fact, I'm feeling kind of sleepy," Olivia said._

"_That's to be expected," Dr. Baker said. "You're going to have some sleepless nights coming up, so you might want to take advantage of the extra help around here."_

"_Dad? Would you like to come with me?" Dr. Baker said, taking the baby from Olivia. Fin stayed with his daughter as the nurses bathed her, swaddled her, and took her up to Olivia's room, where a bassinette had been set up. One of the reasons Olivia had chosen Mercy to deliver her baby in was because they strongly believed in keeping the mother and child together after birth as much as possible. The only time that policy wasn't followed was when the health of the infant required the constant monitoring of the NICU. With both Olivia and the baby sleeping, Fin figured this was the best time to break the news to his friends._

"_Fin? How is she?" Cragen asked, standing up from his seat in the waiting room. Fin grinned. He reached into his pocket and extracted a package of chocolate cigars wrapped in pink foil._

"_She's perfect," Fin said, opening the cellophane and handing them out. Cheers erupted in the waiting room._

"_And Olivia? She made it through surgery ok?" Elliot asked._

"_Olivia's fine, too. In fact, they're both asleep right now, but I'm sure she'll want to see all of you when she wakes up," Fin said._

"_Am I too late?" a voice said, as the body attached to it came rushing into the waiting room._

"_Simon! What are you doing here?" Fin asked._

"_Elliot called me and said that Olivia was in labor. I rushed over here as soon as I could…" Simon explained._

"_Relax, Simon. She's fine. The baby was born a little while ago," he said. Simon relaxed slightly._

"_Good…that's good…" he stuttered. "I'm sorry I missed it."_

"_Don't worry about it. Listen, she had to have a C-section, so it's going to take her a little longer than normal to bounce back," Fin said. This was really more for Simon's benefit, as everyone else had known before they took her to the operating room. "But here, have a cigar!" Simon took the pink candy from Fin._

"_It's a girl?" he asked._

"_She didn't tell you?" Elliot asked._

"_No. I mean, she told me she was pregnant, but I didn't know that she found out it was a girl," he said. "What's her name?"_

"_Tina, after my mom," Fin said. Then he looked directly at Simon. "Tina Simone." Simon's jaw dropped. _

"_She…she named her baby after me?" he asked._

"We_ named your _niece_ after you," Fin said._

That was before the miscarriages, and before this current pregnancy. She had been pregnant four times, only had one child, and never actually experienced natural childbirth.

Joseph continued to finger her, trying to draw some moisture from her body.

"You're going to have to get wetter than that, or it's going to hurt. I don't want that to happen, but honestly, I don't give a crap one way or another," he said. Tears were rolling down Olivia's face now. Fin tried to catch her attention so that he could offer her some sort of reassurance, but she wouldn't look at him. And as long as Joseph was armed, he didn't dare risk the lives of his family. He felt his heart breaking at the sight of his wife being tormented.

The van rolled to a stop. Adam put the vehicle in park and came around to the back. He opened the back door as Joseph readjusted Olivia's clothes again.

"Where are we?" Olivia asked.

"The last place you'll ever see," Adam said coldly.

_**I had intended to write in more, but the flashback got a little out of control. I thought it was a fun little memory for Fin and Liv, so I didn't want to cut it down. Besides, now we have a nice little cliffhanger for all of you! **_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	18. Chapter 18

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 18**

"Cragen," he answered gruffly. He was not having the best of days. As rattled as Fin and Olivia were about this case, Cragen was also feeling a similar sense of discomfort. He didn't like when his detectives were threatened, and the fiasco this afternoon had pretty much exhausted his patience for the day.

"Don, this is Jenna Michaels from the 2-7. I believe I loaned you a couple of officers for a protective detail?" the voice on the phone said. Cragen rifled through the papers on his desk. He knew he had seen that schedule somewhere.

"That's correct. Officers Smith and Corrigan. They relieved Davis and Jefferies earlier. Why?" he asked.

"Have you heard from Detectives Benson or Tutuola since that shift change happened?" Capt. Michaels asked. Cragen furrowed his brow. He didn't like where this was going.

"No, why?" he answered.

"They missed their last check-in. We're sending a unit over now. Thought you'd want to know," Capt. Michaels said.

"Yeah, thanks. I'll have one of my squad meet them over there," Cragen said as he hung up the phone. It wasn't possible. It just wasn't. He had done everything he could to keep them safe, hadn't he? Now was not the time for second guessing; he could do that later. He peered out into the bullpen. Only one detective hadn't left the office yet.

"Stabler!" he called, and motioned for him to enter the office.

"What's up, Captain?" he asked.

"Close the door," Cragen said. Elliot did, and at the sound of those words, his heart started to beat faster. "Have you heard from Olivia since she went home earlier today?"

"No, why?" Stabler asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Her detail missed their last check-in. There are two officers from the 2-7 en route now, but I want you to get over there and meet them. You know Fin and Liv, and you might catch something they would miss," Cragen said. Elliot nodded.

"I'm on my way," he said, and he bolted out of the precinct as quickly as he could while maintaining his professionalism.

XxXxX

"Oh, shit," Officer Luke Johnson said, popping the trunk on the squad car parked outside the Tutuolas' apartment building. Inside, was the corpse of Officer Sean Corrigan. The body was bound and gagged, and a single bullet wound was observed in his forehead. Johnson's partner, Officer Matthew Preston, jumped on the radio and called for assistance. The block would be swarming with cops and medical personnel in minutes. When he looked up, he saw a rather large man in a suit and tie approaching them, flashing a gold shield.

"Detective Elliot Stabler, SVU," the man said. "The target's my partner."

"Officers Johnson and Preston," Johnson replied. "We were just about to head inside, Detective. We just found one of our officers dead, execution style." He was in cop mode. He had known Officer Smith, but his grief would have to wait. He had a job to do.

"I'll wait for the ME," Preston said, lingering by the squad car. Both Johnson and Stabler drew their weapons as they made their way into the building. Johnson was digging in his pocket for something as they reached the elevator.

"Apartment 6B," Stabler told him. Johnson's actions ceased.

"Thanks. Look, I'm sure your partner's fine…" he began.

"I appreciate that, but we just found half of her detail dead, so I'm betting she's not. Right now, I just want to get up there and find out what we're dealing with," Elliot said. He hoped that hadn't come out as harsh as it sounded to his own ears. The elevator ride seemed to take forever. He couldn't remember the sixth floor being this high up. Finally, the doors slid open, and the two cops cautiously headed down the hall.

"Where's the other cop?" Elliot asked softly, seeing nothing but an empty hallway.

"I think we're about to find out," Johnson answered glumly. When they got to Fin and Olivia's apartment, Elliot reached out carefully to test the doorknob, careful to place his fingers so as not to ruin any fingerprints that might be left there. His breath hitched as the knob easily turned under his hand. Olivia never left the door unlocked. She was born and raised in Manhattan, and her habit of locking her front door was at least forty years old.

He pushed open the door, holding his sidearm in front of him. Nothing seemed out of place from what he could see in the living room and kitchen, except possibly the fleece blanket on the couch that looked as if it had been thrown aside. Then again, Tina had been sick, so that alone wasn't enough to convince him that they had met with foul play. He searched Tina's room first because it was closer to the front door, while Johnson had headed for the master bedroom. Her bed was unmade, but other than that, her room seemed to be in perfect order.

"Clear!" Stabler called.

"Clear!" he heard Johnson call. That was his cue to put the gun away.

"Stabler," Johnson called. Elliot headed to the master bedroom, and it didn't take someone who knew the Tutuolas to realize that they had left, and not by choice. The master bedroom was trashed, or at least someone had started the job, but never finished. The dressers and closet looked undisturbed, but the comforter on the queen sized bed was rumpled and the nightstands had been torn apart. Olivia usually kept the apartment immaculate, and she had managed to tame Fin's messy behaviors over the years.

"I'll call my Captain," Elliot said.

XxXxX

An hour later, Elliot found himself in front of another door in an apartment building across town. Cragen hadn't been thrilled with his report, but he had taken action immediately. Elliot had volunteered for this particular part of the process. The door opened, and he was greeted by a familiar face.

"Elliot," Ken Randall said. "What happened?" Ken knew the only reason for Elliot to show up unannounced was if something was wrong.

"Maybe we should talk inside," Elliot said. Ken stood back and invited Elliot into the slightly shabby, but comfortable, living room.

"Have a seat," Ken said, settling on the sofa. Elliot chose a chair close to the sofa. He had done this sort of thing many times over the course of his career, but the personal edge this time was threatening his professionalism.

"There's really no easy way to say this, but we have reason to believe that your dad, Olivia, and Tina have all been abducted," Elliot said.

"_What!_" Ken exclaimed.

"They…we've been working a case, and our perps are targeting interracial couples. They seem to be a group of radical extremists, and we believe that they are responsible. We've had Olivia under protective custody for a while, but…" Elliot trailed off.

"How could you lose them?" Ken roared.

"We did everything we could at the time, but somehow, the perps overwhelmed the protective detail and took off with them. I'm sorry, Ken, but we're doing everything we can to find them," Elliot said, somehow maintaining his composure. Ken couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that there were threats against Fin and Olivia from time to time, but usually that's all they were – threats. And Tina, his baby sister, how could anyone possibly have a grudge against her?

_**Almost four years ago…**_

_Ken made his way down the pristine white hallway, searching for the door numbered 4376. Locating it, he peered inside, his breath taken away by the sight in front of him. Olivia was in a hospital bed, covered by a blanket, with a tiny bundle cradled in her arms. She looked up and noticed he was standing there._

"_Ken," she whispered with a smile. "Come on in. Shhh, she's sleeping." Ken cautiously approached the bed, bringing Tina's face into view. She had a mop of curly black hair underneath the pink hat that had been placed on her head, and her skin was just a shade darker than Olivia's._

"_She's beautiful," Ken said. The infant stirred in Olivia's arms, gave a soft sigh and stilled. _

"_I can't believe she's finally here," Olivia said, stroking Tina's tiny face._

"_I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner," Ken said._

"_It's ok. You were in class. At least, that's where you were supposed to be," Olivia said, raising an eyebrow. Ken smiled and nodded._

"_Yeah, we had an exam today. I really couldn't miss it, even to be here while my stepmother was having a baby," he said. Olivia smiled. Tina squirmed again, but this time she opened her eyes and let out the high pitch wail that Olivia would recognize anywhere, even though Tina was only hours old. _

"_I didn't…I mean…did I wake her?" Ken asked as Olivia shifted Tina to her shoulder and patted her back._

"_No, she was ready to wake up," Olivia said. She patted Tina's back, and Tina calmed somewhat._

"_Do you want to hold her?" Olivia asked, looking up at Ken. He was speechless. All he could do was hold his arms out, and Olivia gently handed him her baby. Ken wrapped his arms around the tiny bundle and brought her close to his chest. She was so small, he could hold her in one arm._

"_She's your sister, you know," Olivia told him. Yes, she was. This tiny, perfect little being was his sister, and he knew, without a doubt, that he would protect her the way an older brother is supposed to. _

"_I couldn't have asked for a better sister. She's perfect," he said, unable to take his eyes off of her tiny face. "Hi, Tina," he said, raising his voice slightly. "I'm your big brother." Tina's fussing stopped and an inquisitive expression crossed her face. She reached a hand out, and Ken gave her a finger from his free hand to grasp._

"_How are you?" he asked Olivia._

"_I'm ok, all things considered," she said._

"_Dad said you had to have a C-section on the phone," Ken said. Olivia nodded._

"_Yeah. Your little sister there decided that the best way to enter the world was shoulder first, so the doctor suggested that the safest way to deliver her was by C-section," Olivia explained. As she spoke, Ken fussed over Tina. Tina's big brown eyes watched every movement he made, mesmerized by him._

"_I think she likes you," Olivia said, still smiling._

"_That's good because I'm crazy about her," Ken said. He paused, contemplating how to broach the next topic with her. _

"_Dad also said that you were going to need a few weeks to recover," Ken said. He hadn't planned on doing this, but something about Tina brought his protective instincts right to the surface._

"_Yeah," Olivia said. "The next four to six weeks are going to be pretty rough."_

"_Do you have anyone to help you? I mean, with the baby and the house and stuff?" he asked._

"_We'll manage, Ken. And I don't want you to worry about that. Your job is school," she said. He was close to graduation, and there was no way Olivia was going to let him sacrifice his academic career to help her._

"_I want to help. Look, I'll work it out with Dad. We can talk to your captain, and Dad can work shifts around my class schedule. While I'm in school, he can take care of you, and while he's at work, I can be there," Ken said._

"_Ken…" Olivia began._

"_Hey, it's either me or grandma, and I know how much you love spending time with her," he said. Olivia laughed and clutched her stomach in pain._

"_Don't do that," she said, suppressing her laughter. "It hurts to laugh. But really, you should be studying and out with your friends. You don't need to be saddled with a recovering stepmother and a baby."_

"_It's only for a few weeks, and I really want to do this. Please, Olivia, I owe you," he pleaded. Olivia furrowed her brow in confusion._

"_What on earth do you think you owe me for?" Olivia asked._

"_Well, ever since you married Dad…he's been easier to get along with. I would have written him out of my life forever if you hadn't shown up," he said honestly. "Please, Olivia, let me do this for you." Olivia opened her mouth to object again, but seeing the look in his eyes, she realized she couldn't._

"_Ok, Ken. If it means that much to you, I accept your offer. But," she emphasized, "if you get overwhelmed, or you feel like you're in over your head, I want you to tell me, understand? Your grandmother and I may not be head over heels in love with each other, but we can tolerate each other's company if it's absolutely necessary."_

"_Ok," Ken said._

"_I want your word, Ken," Olivia said, shocking herself at how motherly her tone had become._

"_You have it," Ken said. Tina scrunched her face and started whimpering again. "What's wrong?" Ken asked._

"_Nothing," Olivia said, as Tina's cries picked up in volume. "She's hungry. Here, I'll take her." Ken handed his sister back to Olivia. _

"_Um…" Olivia began. Ken finally tore his eyes off of the baby and looked back at Olivia. "I have to, um…" and then Ken realized what she was saying. No, he didn't have any interest in seeing his stepmother topless as she fed her newborn._

"_I get it. I'll be back tomorrow," he said._

"_We'll see you then," Olivia said. He bent over and kissed Olivia on the cheek, followed by a kiss on Tina's forehead. As he walked down the hall, his heart soared. Tina may have only been hours old, but she already had her big brother wrapped around her tiny little pinky._

"Find them," Ken said in no uncertain terms.

"We will, Ken. I promise," Elliot said. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would find Fin, Olivia, and Tina, but he prayed that they would still be alive when the time came.

_**For all of you who have been begging to see Ken come into the story, here it is. He'll be back in later chapters. **_

_**This chapter is in honor of Bellatrix wannabe 89, who is serving her country with pride. She's been sent to Afghanistan, so it looks like I'll be flying solo on this story for a while. Good luck, Bella, and come back safe! ~BensonFan711**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	19. Chapter 19

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

**Chapter 19**

The first thing Olivia noticed as she was dragged out of the van by Adam was the distinct lack of skyscrapers. She wasn't sure if they had crossed any state lines, but one thing was blatantly clear – they weren't anywhere near New York City. Her eyes took in a series of gas pumps, void of any commercial logo, surrounded by shabby strip malls. It was dark, and this must be the sort of town that closed down early, because nothing looked open.

"Inside," Joseph prodded, pushing her towards the convenience store. Her heart sank when she saw that this particular gas station had an auto service center attached to it. Even if someone had a description of the van they were in, disguising it would be an easy task for Adam and Joseph. She stopped suddenly.

"I'm not going anywhere without my husband and child," she said.

"You listen to me," Adam said, roughly grabbing her jaw and twisting her towards him. "Listen to me and listen good. You're going to do what you're told, when you're told. You lost any rights you might have had the minute you let that animal into your bed."

Fin saw the way Adam was handling his wife as he clamored out of the van under Joseph's direction. Joseph had slung a squirming Tina over his shoulder. She was trying to say something, but the gag was preventing her from getting much out.

Fin contemplated his options. He wanted to attack Joseph, and he had the opportunity, but he didn't want to risk Tina. With her wrists and ankles bound, there was no way she would be able to protect herself from any kind of fall if he dropped her. And Adam was just too far away.

Olivia, on the other hand, was existing in a state of pure survival. She was fighting as much as she could.

"Do we have an understanding?" Adam asked, in that cool, calm voice that sent shivers down her spine. Wordlessly, Olivia managed to plant her foot squarely in Adam's right shin, but he barely even yelped in pain. Instead, he twisted his left hand into Olivia's hair. Manipulating her head, he forced her into a kneeling position, and brought the gun squarely against her temple. The maneuver twisted her body around so that she was now facing Joseph, Fin, and Tina.

"I can kill you right now, if you prefer. One way or another, you're going to die. But, if you behave yourself, I promise you I'll make it quick and painless," Adam told her. His voice was calm and steady. He could have been ordering a cup of coffee instead of making threats. Olivia's eyes found Fin's face. Joseph had a gun to his head. Ever so slightly, Fin shook his head. If she hadn't been looking directly at him, she would have missed it.

"Are you going to behave?" Adam asked once more as he pulled the charger back on the weapon. Fin's eyes were pleading with her. If they could prevent sudden outbursts of anger like this, they just might stay alive long enough to be found.

"Well?" Adam roared, pressing the gun farther into her temple. Olivia gasped in fear. She had pulled herself up from the darkest depression she had ever known, and now she a had a positive outlook on life and a loving family to share it with. She had far too much to lose now.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Joseph," Adam called, "take them inside and show them their new…accommodations." He turned his attention back to Olivia. "We're going to wait right here until Joseph gives the all clear signal. Then maybe I'll think about trusting you enough to let you walk in there under your own power." The angle of his arm relative to her head gave him absolute control over her movements, and he wasn't about to give that up unless he had enough leverage to keep her under control.

"You heard him," Joseph told Fin. "Inside. One false move, and your wife is dead." The last thing Fin wanted to do was comply with this bastard, but he was starting to realize just how badly he needed Olivia. She balanced him and gave him a sense of stability, and deep down, he knew that she was responsible for his relationship with Ken. He couldn't lose her. He wasn't sure he could survive that particular heartache. So he walked. His feet moved of their own accord, one foot in front of the other. He kept his eyes on Olivia for as long as possible, noticing a tear streaking down her cheek. He wanted to hold her and console her, like he always did when she was upset.

The moment the door closed, separating Tina from Olivia, Tina started to cry through the gag. While she couldn't understand the entire situation, she knew that Mommy would keep her safe.

"Daddy's right here, Baby," Fin called to her. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

"You shouldn't lie to her," Joseph said, unlocking a heavy door in the back of the convenience store. Behind the second door was a narrow set of stairs leading down to a basement illuminated by a single, naked bulb. "There's plenty to be scared of down here."

Tina's cries increased in volume, and Fin had to struggle not to lash out at the man who was terrifying his daughter.

"Keep going," Joseph said, prodding him with the gun. Fin cautiously made his way down the narrow steps, trying to avoid falling. Joseph was behind him, with Tina still carelessly over his shoulder.

At the foot of the stairs, Fin saw a dirty mattress, double or queen sized, he wasn't sure which, in a corner of the room. The basement encompassed the same area as the store and the repair shop above it, creating the feeling of being in a dark, cement, cave. _Or tomb,_ Fin thought with a shudder.

"Over there," Joseph said, pushing him in the direction opposite the mattress. In the opposite corner, were two pet beds. One was for the largest of dog breeds, and the other was a smaller size. Attached to two of the walls were shackles on chains. The chains were long enough to allow movement, but only within a few feet of the area. Joseph laid Tina on the smaller of the two pet beds and turned to shackle Fin's ankles, holstering his gun. Fin fought the urge to kick Joseph in the nose, but the thought of Olivia upstairs, a trigger pull away from death, stopped him. When all four shackles were in place, Joseph pulled a knife out of his pocket and cut the twine binding Fin's wrists, and he repeated the procedure on Tina. Finally, he removed Tina's gag.

"Daddy…" Tina cried and immediately ran to Fin.

"It's ok, Honey," Fin said, holding his daughter as best as he could, all the while keeping his eyes on Joseph.

"I wanna go home!" she wailed.

"This is your home now, so get used to it," Joseph told her harshly. Then he turned and headed up the stairs.

"Hey! What about Olivia!" Fin yelled after him. Joseph ignored him and continued back up the stairs. He exited the store and saw that Adam had Olivia in the same position as when he left.

"Did they give you any trouble?" Adam asked.

"No," Joseph answered.

"Your turn," Adam said, dragging Olivia to her feet. She could barely control the shaking that dominated her body as she was led through the gas station and down into the basement. As soon as the basement door was opened, Olivia could hear Tina's frightened cries and Fin struggling to calm their daughter. She knew it was no use. As scared as Tina was, combined with the fact that she had the flu, there was only one person on the planet who would be able to console her, and that was Mommy. Not Daddy; Mommy.

Olivia fought to resist the maternal instinct raging inside her to go running towards her daughter's cries, knowing that the moment she broke free, Adam and Joseph would likely snap and kill all three of them. That was simply a risk she couldn't afford to take.

The moment Olivia reached the bottom of the stairs, her eyes fell on the mattress, and her body started to shake even harder. Her brain instantly took her back to Sealview, and she was fighting with every bit of strength she had to keep herself here, in this moment. And yet, there was a critical difference. Fin had been there, watching her back in Sealview. Here, he was in the same jeopardy she was. No one was coming to her rescue this time.

"No," Olivia whimpered softly as she took a step back, only to be blocked by Adam's massive frame. She was focusing on keeping her breathing steady when she felt like hyperventilating. Blood pounded hard in her ears, and only Tina's frightened cry of "Mommy!" broke her from her trance.

Olivia turned her head just as Tina broke free of Fin's comforting grasp and sprinted towards her. Not expecting the chain's slack to end, she tripped and would have fallen if Fin hadn't grabbed her shirt just in time.

"Nooo…" Tina wailed as Fin dragged her back towards him. "I WANT MOMMY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Baby, it's ok," Olivia pleaded with her. "Just calm down."

"It's all right, Tina," Fin said as he struggled to hold a squirming, fighting three-year-old in his arms. Ignoring Olivia's pleas, Tina broke free of Fin's grasp and took off running again, only this time she was too fast for Fin to catch and ended up falling face first onto the hard concrete. Tina's cries echoed off the concrete walls as she registered the shock of the impact.

"Let me go to her," Olivia begged as her daughter wailed. "Please, let me help my daughter!" Joseph snickered as he took her face in his hands and jerked her face towards his own.

"Those fucking dogs in the corner on no longer your 'family.' They're right where they belong. And you," he said, leaning in and nuzzling her neck at the precise spot that drove her insane. He had watched the footage from the hidden cameras enough times to pin point it exactly. Olivia gasped and tried to pull away, but her bound hands and Adam's tight grasp on her made it impossible. "are about to be right where a traitor bitch like you belongs."

Without wasting another minute, he pulled her from Adam's grasp and threw her unceremoniously on the bed. The force of the impact knocked the wind out of her as her left side connected with the mattress.

"No!" she yelled, as she rolled onto her back. Before she could pull herself up, Joseph straddled her. The more she struggled against him, the harder he got, and he had been dying to have a turn with her from the first time he saw her on the video. Olivia fought for all she was worth; she wasn't going down without a fight.

"Get the hell off her!" Fin roared as he pulled against the binding chains. Adam pointed his gun at him and pulled the charger back, a mad glint in his eye.

"Shut your mouth, Boy," he commanded. "Or else you're going to be wearing that little nigger on your coat." As he spoke, he shifted the weapon from Fin to Tina. Fin pulled Tina behind him, shielding her as much as possible, trying to maintain the look in his eyes that had most criminals cowering in their chairs. A desperate cry slipped from Olivia's lips, and terror crossed Fin's face once more. Joseph smirked at them before he turned his attention back to a struggling Olivia. His hands roamed her body again and found her waistband for the third time.

"No!" she screamed again as he undid the buttons and pulled down the zipper. "Get off me! Get OFF!" He ignored her pleas as he quickly stripped her from the waist down. She shuddered as the cold air assaulted her bare skin. Joseph force her legs open with his knees before reaching for the juncture between her thighs.

"Now, what did I tell you? You were going to have to get wet, or it was going to hurt," Joseph said, undoing his own pants.

"Joseph, stop," Adam said, still calm. Every head in the room, except Tina's, turned towards him. Olivia's heart skipped a beat. Why was Adam stopping this? Not that she objected, but it seemed out of character. Fin was holding onto the slim chance that his wife might be spared this horror. "If you're going to fuck her before she's been properly cleansed of that nigger filth, then at least use a condom," he said, handing Joseph a small foil package. Olivia's heart sank. At this point, she wasn't sure what scared her more: being raped or the cleansing procedure Adam had referred to.

"I'm going to fuck you longer, harder, and better than that nigger could ever dream of," he told Olivia, just loud enough for Fin to hear as he rolled the condom over his bulging erection. He bent down and nipped at her neck again, shifting his lower half so that he could line himself up with her entrance. She couldn't help the tears that streamed heavily down her face as she turned towards Fin who was still shielding Tin, not daring to leave her exposed to the barrels of the guns.

"I love you," he mouthed to her, hoping that it might offer her even the slightest bit of comfort.

"Are you ready for a real man?" Joseph whispered into her ear as he started to push into her. She thought she was going to be ripped in half from the combination of lack of lubricant and the additional fullness brought on by the anal plug still firmly lodged inside her. She couldn't bear to look at Fin anymore. She turned her head to face the opposite direction. Fin's heart shattered as he witnessed his wife's rape and her turning away from him. She let out a grunt of pain every time Joseph thrust into her. It was a scared, hurting cry, not the ones full of passion she made when he made love to her.

Joseph's hands trailed down her body to the slight swell in her stomach. He pushed on it enough to cause her pain and smirked as she tried to twist away from his touch.

"That little nigger growing inside you is getting in the way," he grunted as he continued his rhythmic pounding into her. "We just might have to take care of that," he said, leaning in to attack her neck again. Olivia reached a new level of fear. What on earth were they planning to do to her?

"Daddy…" Tina said softly. Fin had been so focused on Olivia that he hadn't noticed his daughter's sudden silence.

"What is it, Baby?" he said, unable to pull his eyes away from his wife.

"I don't feel good," Tina said. "I want Mommy."

"I know, Baby. I know you want Mommy. She's…" He was at a loss for words. Apparently, Olivia had lost her fight too. Her struggles had all but ceased, and all he could hear was the involuntary grunting as she passively accepted what was happening to her. He knew, simply by her lack of fight, that she was slipping back into the place in her mind he had rescued her from after Sealview.

"Mommy's a little busy right now," Fin said, trying to hide the sob that was inching higher in his throat.

"No, Daddy," Tina whined, tugging on his shirt. "It'sa 'mergency." Shit. Of all the times for her to be sick, this ranked dead last in convenience.

"Hey," Fin said, trying not to provoke Adam. "Can I take her to the bathroom? She's going to throw up." Fin expected some sort of retaliation or insult or anything besides what he got. Adam picked up a bucket from the corner of the room and handed it to Fin. Fin managed to get the bucket under Tina just in time to prevent her from vomiting all over the floor.

"Thank you," Fin said, hoping that he might be able to win some amount of trust. Maybe there was hope yet.

"Don't thank me just yet. _That_ is your new bathroom," Adam told him coldly. He turned his attention back to Joseph and Olivia. "Joseph!" he called. "Let's go. We have other things to do tonight." Joseph was hammering into Olivia erratically. He had to be done soon.

"This bitch is really tight," Joseph said through his panting. He pushed forward one final time, reaching his climax. He moaned as he spurted into the condom. When he regained his composure, he pulled out of Olivia, slipped off the used condom, and tied it off.

"Seriously, you need to get a piece of this," he said, zipping up his pants, never taking his eyes off of Olivia.

"Please, no…" Olivia said weakly. "It hurts too much." Adam pulled out another set of shackles secured to the wall near the mattress. He gently placed them on Olivia's limbs and cut the twine from her wrists.

"Don't worry," he said. "I don't fuck race traitors until they're clean again. Soon, my dear, soon." He gently stroked the side of her face after snapping the last lock in place. He turned his attention towards Joseph, who had dropped the used condom in the bucket containing Tina's vomit.

"That," Joseph said, "is a little present for you."

"Joseph, you've had your fun. Now, let's go," Adam said, heading for the stairs.

"Wait, you can't leave us here!" Fin yelled. He heard the door at the top of the stairs slam shut.

_**I know, I know…bad timing on this chapter, considering the way "Justice Denied" ended last night. While I may be writing an FO fic, I was seriously pulling for Livid. For once, Olivia found a really great guy, and *that's* how it ended? Conflict of interest crap? *sigh* I'll make it up to her…I promise.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	20. Chapter 20

_Sadly, I own no one. If I did, I'd quit my job and indulge these characters in their fantasies day in and day out. Dick Wolf owns all; I just take them out for a spin._

_A/U…how to explain this…set 5 years after "Undercover." In this version, Olivia and Fin developed a relationship in the aftermath of Olivia's assault. I don't want to give too much away, as the back story will be told. Suffice it to say, cannon up until Undercover, then I take over. Oh, and in my world, Elliot never left SVU._

_Original story by Bellatrix wannabe 89; rewritten solely at her request. Enjoy!_

_Warning: This story has a racial theme, so racist language may be used. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE, merely to make the characters believable. As always, don't like, don't read…that's what the "Back" button is for._

**Chapter 20**

The silence was deafening. As soon as she heard the door upstairs close, Olivia rolled into a fetal position away from Fin and Tina. Fin didn't know what to do. He wanted to pull her into his arms and rock her, like he had the night of her second miscarriage, but the chains were too short for him to reach her. He opened and closed his mouth several times, wanting to at least say something to her, but his words seemed hollow. After several long moments, Tina sniffled from her place in Fin's arms, breaking the silence.

"How is she?" Olivia asked softly. Her tone was stoic, void of any emotion.

"She's ok," Fin answered, stroking his daughter's hot face. "Olivia…"

"Don't," she answered with more force.

"Liv, please. Don't shut down on me," he begged. He felt terrible. He felt like he should do something…anything, but he couldn't, and now, she didn't even want to talk to him.

"What do you want me to say?" she snapped, twisting her body to face him, acutely aware that she was still naked from the waist down. The shackles on her ankles prevented her from pulling on what was left of her jeans and panties. "Hm? You were at those crime scenes. You know who these psychos are as well as I do." Her jaw steeled in place, and her icy stare sent shivers down his spine. Fin swallowed hard as Olivia looked away from him again.

"Baby, please don't be angry," he said calmly.

"Fin, just stop!" she snapped at him, returning to her previous position on the bed, turned away from him. She wasn't angry at him. Not in any way, shape or form. She was angry at herself for letting this happen to her and the two people that meant the world to her. She was angry at the bastards who violated her in front of her daughter and husband. She was angry that as hard as she tried to deny it, she was more frightened than she had ever been in her life…

Olivia wasn't angry at Fin, but he was the only person she was able to yell at right then, and as unfair as it was to him, she was going to yell.

"Baby Girl, please, just talk to me," he pleaded. "I know you're hurting right now, but…"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she barked once more. Why couldn't he see she just wanted to be left alone in the misery of her own company?

"Liv…" Neither of them noticed the door open or the footsteps on the stairs.

"Dammit, Fin, just leave me alone!" Olivia roared.

"Wow." Joseph's amused voice cut through them like steel, and both whipped their heads towards the man who was carrying a single dark blue dirty, scruffy looking blanket with several patches of fabric ripped from it. Olivia scrambled to press her body against the wall, as far away from him as she could get. "Usually it takes traitors three or four good fucks to make them realize just how low niggers are actually beneath them. You're learning fast, Baby."

Olivia couldn't help the cringe that overtook her body as he used the pet name again. She swallowed any retort as he approached her and placed a hand on her thigh. The hand rose higher on her body. "But I think one more couldn't hurt." Olivia whimpered in fear, and it was that sound that ignited something in Fin.

"Get your Goddamn hands off her!" Fin yelled, throwing such a ferocious looking glare at him it was a miracle Joseph didn't cower in fear. Without looking at him, Joseph took his gun, aimed it in their general direction and fired. Olivia screamed as Fin threw himself on Tina and tackled her flat on the ground, waiting for the burn of the bullet to pierce him. After several moments, they realized the round had done no damage to him or his daughter, who was no shaking uncontrollably.

"What did I say about giving me a fucking order, Boy?" Joseph snarled as Fin slowly picked his head up to look at the man who was glowering at him. "You do it again," he aimed his gun at a shivering Tina, "and the next one won't miss. Do we have an understanding?" Fin slowly nodded, never taking his eyes off the gun.

"Speak up, Boy!" Joseph roared as he pulled the charger back again.

"Yes!" Fin answered hastily. "Yes, I understand."

"'Yes, I understand,' what?" he growled. Fin closed his eyes and locked his lips before he forced the word he knew the vile man was waiting to hear.

"Yes, I understand, Sir," he said, trying his best to hold the contempt from his voice. Joseph smirked at him before he reholstered the gun and turned back to Olivia who had tears streaming down her face. Her heart broke as she saw Fin with the same look on his face she had after she had been forced to show respect to Matthew Parker in the courtyard at Sealview. He hated himself for it.

"And that," Joseph said with a sly grin as he threw the blanket on the bed and spread it out so it wasn't bunched up, "is how you train a nigger." Olivia glared up at him as he leaned down and crashed his lips roughly against hers, tasting of stale cigarettes and sour breath. She let out a muffled scream of protest that went unnoticed before he pulled away. Joseph had just started to walk away when Tina cleared her throat and spoke in the most pathetic voice they had ever heard come from their daughter. It was scratchy and slightly raspy from the sore throat she was battling. "Um, I-I'm sleepy," she told Joseph with a trembling voice.

"So sleep," he barked at her.

"Ca-can I sleep with Mommy?" she asked as she glanced over at a heartbroken Olivia.

"Not on your fucking life." Her lower lip trembled unmercifully.

"But where's my bed then?" Joseph groaned in annoyance as he turned around and walked back over to them and kicked the smaller pet bed. Tina looked down at it for a moment before she looked back up at him.

"Bu-but that's for puppies to sleep in." Joseph smirked, and she recoiled from his cruel look.

"And just what the fuck do you think you are?" Tears rolled down Tina's face as she finally understood the meaning behind his cruel words. Silently she went over to the dirty pet bed and laid down in it, shivering slightly from the cold of the basement.

"You heartless, unimaginable bastard," Olivia spat as he walked away from them once more. He ignored her as he slammed the door behind him, and they heard the tumblers in the lock turn.

Fin bit his bottom lip as he heard Tina begin to cry.

"Honey, it's okay," he told her gently, reaching a hand out and placing it gently on her shoulder. She shrugged it away before her tears resumed. Fin pulled his hand away like he had been slapped, and he doubted that a physical slap would be less painful. Olivia swallowed her own tears before she spoke.

"Fin," she called out in a much gentler voice than before. He looked up at her as she bunched up the blanket. Using as much space as the chains allowed, she heaved the blanket towards Fin. Fin, knowing exactly what she had in mind, laid don flat on his stomach and had to strain as far as he could reach, and even then he was an inch short. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He managed to clamp the end of the wallet down on the blanket before he pulled the fabric towards him.

He wordlessly covered Tina up with the blanket before he gathered her in his arms, with slight protest, and laid her down on the bigger of the pet beds. He took the smaller one and fashioned a makeshift pillow for her. When Fin turned his attention back towards Olivia, she swallowed hard.

"We have to get her out of here," she whispered softly. He simply nodded in response.

"We're ALL going to get out of here. All four of us," he assured her. Olivia leaned her head back against her own pillow and felt a tear snake down her face at the mere mention of the child inside her. Several more minutes passed before she spoke again.

"Fin?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, Honey," he answered.

"I need you to make a promise," she said. "Promise me that if they make you choose between Tina and me, you'll protect her." No, he couldn't make that promise. He couldn't choose between his daughter and his wife. If that was a choice that had to be made, he didn't want to make it.

"Baby Girl, I…" he started.

"Promise me," she said more forcefully. Then she backed off. "Please." It was little more than a whimper.

"All right. Tina comes first," he said reluctantly. And, for the first time in their relationship, he made a promise to her he wasn't sure he could keep. "Try to get some sleep, Honey." Olivia laid quietly in the dark, listening to the labored, rhythmic breathing of her daughter as she struggled against congestion. The sound was soon joined by a soft snore from Fin. Finally, out of sheer exhaustion more than anything else, Olivia drifted off into a fitful sleep.

XxXxX

Panting. That was the first sound she could remember hearing. She felt a body curled around her as she laid on her side. A hand was palming at her breast, and a pair of lips was nuzzling her neck. Her top leg had been pushed high, and she could feel a deep, persistent thrusting.

"Fin…" she moaned, leaning her head back.

"Guess again," Joseph sneered in her ear. Her eyes fluttered open, and she suddenly remembered where she was.

"NO!" she screamed, trying to pull away. She clawed at the opposite side of the mattress, trying to find enough leverage to pull herself off the monster next to her. Joseph dug his fingers deeper into her, and she was sure she would have bruises on her shoulder and behind her knee. Fin's head snapped up from a sound sleep the instant he heard his wife's terrified scream. The sudden movement woke Tina, too.

"Daddy…" Tina whispered.

"Shhh, Baby, close your eyes. Just close your eyes. Daddy's got you," he said, turning Tina's head away from the sight across the room.

"You're such a good fuck. Just like I knew you would be," Joseph hissed in her ear as he continued to ram into her from behind. Olivia was struggling more than she had the night before. "Soon, I'm going to take your ass, too." The thought of taking her in such a taboo position was more than Joseph could take, and he came hard. Olivia tried once again to throw him from her, but he moved out of range before she could do any serious damage. Joseph turned and walked over to where Fin sat, holding Tina safe in his arms.

"You're learning," Joseph said, as he tied of the condom and dropped it next to Fin.

"Joseph!" Adam yelled as he descended the stairs. He was carrying a long steel object in his right hand that resembled a fire poker. Adam surveyed the scene in front of him, noticing that the blanket was not on Olivia's bed where it was supposed to be, but instead wrapped around Tina. He set the steel object down, out of reach from either Fin or Olivia, and marched over to Fin.

"What the hell do you think you're trying to pull?" Adam seethed. "Animals like you don't get blankets," he said, ripping the blanket from Tina.

"Hey, man, she's sick," Fin desperately tried to explain. He was answered by a fist connecting with his jaw. And it didn't stop there. Blow after blow descended on him. He could feel blood on his face, and all he could do was shield Tina from the vicious beating. When the beating seemed to be over, he tried to open his eyes. In his clouded haze, he could hear Olivia protesting as they shortened the length on the chains binding her to the wall. They were stretching her body out over the bed, reducing her ability to move.

"Stay away from my wife," he tried to yell, but it came out as a garbled mess. He was losing blood from somewhere he couldn't identify, but he could feel the wetness under his skin. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. Whatever Olivia was about to endure, he wanted to be able to offer whatever comfort he could.

Olivia was protesting more loudly now. Her voice had taken on a panicked quality. He tried to force his eyes to focus on what was happening. Joseph was holding her down as Adam approached her with the long steel object.

He heard a hissing sound, followed by the strong stench of burnt flesh. Olivia let out a blood-curdling scream as blackness surrounded him.

_**I promise, there's a reason for all of this. Olivia is one of those great characters in that she doesn't break easily. Somehow, she finds a way to rise above her struggles and come out on top. And that's why we all love her so much.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Elliot forced his eyes open as he continued to look through the forensics report from the Akintola, Owusu, and now Tutuola crime scenes. Fin, Olivia, and Tina had been officially missing for 15 hours, although in reality it was probably closer to 17. The official report stated that they had met with foul play, starting the time clock at 7:28pm last night. Add to that the 12 hour shift Elliot worked yesterday and he was looking at over a full day with no sleep. But he was convinced that he could solve the case if he stared at it long enough.

"Elliot, go home," Cragen said, observing the detective struggle to stay awake.

"Naw, I'm fine, Cap. I just need another cup of coffee," he said leaning back in his chair. Cragen understood Elliot felt a personal connection to this case, and he wouldn't rest until Olivia was found.

"You're no good to her exhausted," Cragen answered. "If you won't go home, at least grab some sleep in the Crib." Munch strode into the bullpen, coffee in hand. He had pulled a late night, but when they ran out of leads, he decided to go home. He saw a bedraggled Elliot arguing with Cragen, and it didn't take a detective to figure out what it was over.

"Go on, Elliot. I'll take care of this," he said, indicating the files in front of Elliot.

"I can't stop. Not until I find her," Elliot replied.

"Yes, you can. Don't worry, I'll wake you if we get anything promising," Munch assured him. Realizing he was outnumbered, Elliot acquiesced. _Two hours,_ he thought. _I'll just sleep for two hours._ With that tiny amount of comfort, he headed off to the Crib.

"Anything break overnight?" Munch asked. Almost as if the phone had been waiting for him to ask that question, it came to life on Elliot's desk.

"Munch," he said, answering it.

"It's Morales. We've been going through everything for your three crime scenes, and we've got something," he informed Munch.

"What?" Munch asked.

"A thumbprint. On the camera in Tina's teddy bear. I wanted to check it out before I called you, in case Fin or Liv had put it there by accident," Morales explained.

"Give me good news," Munch said.

"We got a hit. US Army, name's Joseph Colin. He was charged with assault," Morales reported. Joseph Colin. Now their perp finally had a name. "Now wait, that's odd," Morales added. In the background, Munch could hear the frantic clicking of keyboard keys.

"What?" Munch asked.

"The rest of the record is sealed. I'll see what I can do about getting to the contents. I hope that helps, though," Morales said.

"Thanks, Morales. Let's hope we find him before it's too late," Munch said, hanging up the phone. He relayed to conversation to Cragen. It was one more piece to add to the puzzle. It didn't give them a location, but it gave them a name.

"Detective Munch?" a voice asked. Munch twisted around in his chair to face the door.

"Ken," he said. "Have a seat." Ken sat in the chair next to Munch's desk. He had the same haggered look as Elliot.

"Did you find them?" he asked. Munch's heart broke. He knew how hard Fin had tried to reconcile with his son, and now that he finally had, all of this had happened.

"You know I can't talk about the case, Ken," Munch told him.

"I don't care what you're supposed to do. I'm your partner's son. Doesn't that count for anything?" Ken asked angrily.

"We're doing the best we can. You're just going to have to give us time," Munch explained again.

"Time? Giving them time could get them killed!" Ken retorted. He threw his hands up in frustration and stormed out of the bullpen as quickly as he had come in. Munch would have gone after him, but he knew Ken would come around when he was ready to and not a moment before.

XxXxX

"Daddy! DADDY!" Tina was hysterical. She had no idea how long she had been trying to wake up her father, but it just wasn't working. She didn't know what the bad men were doing to her mom, but whatever it was must be hurting her because she wouldn't stop crying. And her mommy had taught her that if something was wrong, she needed to get one of her parents, but she just couldn't figure out how to do that here. Her daddy wouldn't wake up, and her mommy was the one who was hurt. So, she did the only thing she could. She cried.

"Tina, Honey, calm down. Mommy's fine," Olivia said, trying desperately to suppress her own sobs. The top part of her right thigh was still searing in pain from the branding Adam gave her. She had seen the shape as the red hot branding iron came at her. She was going to bear a swastika for the rest of her natural existence. He had put some sort of a cream on it and covered the area with a bandage, but the burn was still fresh, and she was in agony.

"Mommy, I wanna come sit with you!" Tina wailed. Olivia cringed as another wave of pain coarsed through her.

"I know, Baby. I know, but you have to stay with Daddy," Olivia gritted. "Fin!" she tried yelling again.

"Daddy's still sleeping, and I'm scared!" Tina wailed again.

"I know, Sweetie, but keep trying to wake him up. Can you do that for me? Wake Daddy up," Olivia said.

Pain. That was the first thing that registered in Fin's brain. He felt as if his head was going to explode as jolts of pain ripped through it. He heard his name being called somewhere in the distance. He knew he had to wake up, but it was so much more comfortable in the blackness. He wanted to slip into it and never leave.

"Daddy…" he heard. It was faint, from the other side of the blackness. Tina. His daughter. He couldn't leave her alone. He needed to be with her, to protect her, even if it meant fighting the pain.

"Ti…na…" he muttered.

"Mommy, he's waking up!" Tina yelled excitedly. Relief washed over Olivia. She wasn't ready to lose either of them yet.

"Tina…" he said again, a bit more coherent.

"Daddy, Mommy won't stop crying," Tina told him, shaking his arm. Fin closed his eyes again. Olivia? Why would Olivia be crying? And then he remembered. He remembered the evil hissing sound and her screams as he had lost consciousness.

"Liv?" he asked, trying to sit up. The resulting head rush made him quickly change his mind about trying to move.

"Yeah?" she answered. Her voice sounded scared. He had heard that tone before, in Sealview. He heard the fear in her whimper when he arrived but before she was aware of his presence. Fin turned his head without lifting it and saw a peek of the stark white bandage on Olivia's right thigh.

"What did they do to you?" he asked in that damn gentle tone that always it her hard. Her bonds were still tight, restricting her movements to nothing more than squirming. After everything she had seen, she could form the words to tell him what had happened. Instead, tears rolled down her face, part from the pain, and part from the relief that he had woken up. How was she going to tell him that she had been branded with the most notorious hate symbol of all?

"Ok, Liv, you don't have to talk about it. It's ok, honey. Whatever it is, it's ok," he said gently.

"Daddy, I'm hungry," Tina whined as the door opened again and Joseph's familiar footsteps echoed through the basement. Fin sighed. How on earth was he going to convince these monsters to feed his child? Then again, maybe that was part of their plan. Maybe they were all going to starve to death in this hellhole. Fin tried to sit up again, this time with more success.

Joseph was carrying three sandwiches from the store upstairs and three bottles of water, which Tina quickly spotted. She was still afraid of him, but she was also hungrier than she could ever remember being.

"Ca-can I have one of those?" she asked softly, bolting from Fin's side. Fin lunged for her, but his speed was greatly reduced by the pounding in his head. He prepared himself to see Joseph lash out at the toddler, but once again, he was surprised. Joseph sneered at her.

"Maybe. Depending on how your mother takes her…appetizer," Joseph said, cringing at the word 'mother.' Tina had no idea what Joseph meant, but Fin got the message loud and clear.

"Tina, come back here," he said, and mercifully, she ran to him.

"No…" Liv protested at the same time. "Please don't. You've raped me twice, isn't that enough?"

"It's very simple," Joseph said, unzipping his pants. He pulled his penis out and stroked it, making it hard.

"Either you accept your…meal, or I take all of the food upstairs. Now, which is it gonna be?" he asked straddling her chest. Olivia turned her head towards Fin and Tina. Fin knew he couldn't say anything without risking their lives. That wild shot from earlier still unnerved him. He just shook his head at Olivia. He didn't want to see her go through anything more than she already had. And then there was Tina. Tina, who had barely eaten the day before, and after all of her vomiting probably was feeling sharp hunger pains.

"Well?" Joseph asked.

"Mommy…" Tina whimpered from across the room. She tried to turn her head towards Olivia, but Fin quickly pulled her to his chest, shielding her eyes.

"Ok," Olivia said in a strangled whisper.

"Open up, Baby," he said. That name again. She wished he would stop using it with her. As soon as her lips parted, Joseph forced himself into her mouth.

"Ohhhh…" he groaned. He wrapped his hands in her hair and pulled her onto him as far as he could, using her hair as a sort of handle. It had taken years after Sealview for her to even attempt oral sex, and when she had, Fin had always given her absolute control over every aspect of it. How much to take, how long to go for, and what to do. The first time he had put his hands in her hair as she performed oral on him, she had jumped a mile, but she quickly learned that he used his hands to reassure her and feel the silkiness of her hair rather than guide her. Olivia's arms thrashed as much as she could as she felt her air supply cut off, and she tried to scream over him. After a few seconds, he pulled back enough that she was able to get several breaths before he thrust back in.

"Give me a little suction, Baby," Joseph said. Olivia complied, reminding herself that this was for Tina. She pushed back the urge to vomit as Joseph continued to pound at her face. It seemed to go on forever…

"Use that hot little tongue of yours," he grunted, not giving her any relief. Olivia was repulsed by both the smell and the taste of him, and she just wanted it to be over. When she was sure she couldn't take any more, she heard him grunt, and her mouth was flooded by his salty semen. It tasted bitter and rancid at the same time. Out of reflex more than anything else, she spit it out around him.

"That was a good first round, Baby, but you're gonna have to learn how to swallow," he said, dropping her head. He zipped up his pants and contemplated his options. "I'd say that attempt earned them food, but you're going to have to do better than that. I think you should just stay right where you are and think about what you've done. When I come back, we can try again."

As he handed the sandwiches to Fin, the sleeve pushed high enough on his arm that Fin could see a sliver of a tattoo, and it was a tattoo he recognized.

_**Nineteen Years Ago…**_

_**Saudi Arabia**_

_Army Staff Seargeant Odafin Tutuola made his way up his eighth tower ladder in the past hour, his pistol by his side and his larger M16 slung on his back. He was in charge of the Guard Towers that night and was making his first rounds of a very long twelve hour shift. After he checked in with all ten towers, he would run back to the 24 hour chow hall, grab his soldiers whatever food or drink, within reason, they had asked him to grab and return. By the time he finished delivering their requests, it would be just about time to make second round checks. Add in the fact that he and his squad had com in from a particularly brutal all night mission just that afternoon, and it was going to be a very long night for the leader. Fin easily climbed into the tower and nodded towards the soldier who was peering off into the desert night._

"_Everthing going good, Colin?" Fin asked the soldier as he pulled out his clipboard from his cargo pocket. The soldier turned, and Fin narrowed his eyes in confusion at the soldier who stool there._

"_What are you doing here, Rosco?" Fin asked, as the figure he saw was not Joseph Colin, a Private First Class who had been demoted not once, but twice, and who was termed the company's 'shit bag,' but Chris Rosco, a squared away Specialist who was easily one of the most popular guys in the unit with a heart of gold._

"_I switched with Colin, Sergeant," Rosco explained. Fin double checked the clipboard that held the names of the soldiers on duty that night, including those who had switched for whatever reason, and shook his head. _

"_I know Colin would forget to notify someone, but you wouldn't, and you know well enough to switch with someone who got put on guard tower for punishment. And why would you switch when you were supposed to be off," he checked the scheduled again, and his eyes widened, "twelve hours ago! You pulled a 24 hour shift and didn't tell anyone?"_

"_Yes, Sergeant."_

"_Why?" Fin asked incredulously. Rosco blushed deeply, his light green eyes traveling to the floor._

"_I…I didn't wanna get him in trouble, Sergeant," he answered somewhat ashamed. Fin, who knew all too well the desire to protect a battle buddy, sighed and nodded._

"_Alright, he won't get written up, but you're getting relieved within the hour by him. And take the next two days off, hooah?"_

"_Hooah, Seargeant," Rosco agreed, using the older than life Army slang._

"_Good. So, how's your little guy doing?" Fin asked on a more personal note. Rosco beamed at the mere mention of his son._

"_Good. I got some more pictures of him today," he said._

"_Don't hold out. Let me see," Fin said with a grin, being reminded of his own son who just turned three. Rosco whipped out his wallet and held it open to the pictures. Fin leaned in and couldn't help but smile at the sight of the picture perfect family. Rosco's son, a four year old with skin the color of light toffee was sitting in a small kiddie pool wearing nothing but a pair of red Spiderman underwear, while his mother, a beautiful black woman made even more beautiful by the beaming smile on herface, laughed at the sight of him splashing in the kiddie pool. Rosco, who the only thing black about was his hair, grinned down at the photo with a touch of sadness in his gray green eyes._

"_I was supposed to teach him how to swim but my brother-in-law decided to do it," he said wistfully._

"_You still got time," Fin told him as he clapped him on the shoulder. "next summer you'll be home, and you'll be able to take him to the pool every day." Rosco smiled at the prospect as he tucked the wallet back into one of his numerous pockets._

"_I know, Sergeant," Rosco answered. Fin gave him a soft smile before he sighed as he put the clipboard back in his cargo pocket._

"_Hange tight a little while longer, alright? He'll be here soon," Fin said._

"_Hooah, Sergeant," Rosco replied as he turned back towards his post. Fin climbed down the ladder, visited the last two towers, got an order for coffee and a turkey sandwich, and made his way back to the enlisted barracks. He made a beeline for Colin's beehut and narrowed his eyes dangerously when he heard the music blasting from the stereo. It sounded like a man screaming in pain to him, but the words 'white power' and 'nigger' were very easy to make out amongst the lyrics._

_Fin busted open the door and couldn't help but smirk when Colin fell from the chair he had been lounging in, knocking over a half full beer in the process._

"_Get the fuck up, Private!" Fin barked, easily dipping into 'Asshole Sergeant' mode, something he hated doing in all honesty. Colin jumped to his feet, but when he saw who it was, he narrowed his eyes in intense dislike._

"_What do you want?" he asked sinisterly._

"_Stand at fucking parade rest and use some Goddamn respect when you speak to me!" Fin ordered, and Colin, reluctantly, followed the order. Colin stood at parade rest, allowing the elaborate swastika covered in bloody thorns on his forearm to show proudly. He managed to get away with having it by saying that it was an old Indian symbol for luck, and that's why he had gotten it. But, anyone who talked to him for more than two seconds knew the real meaning behind the vulgar tattoo._

"_You were supposed to relieve Rosco twelve hours at Tower Eight, and you not only screwed him, but that was part of your punishment for getting caught drinking, meaning you can't switch out!" Colin shrugged as he smirked at the irate Sergeant._

"_Oops," he said in a mocking tone. Fin glared furiously._

"_You fucked up for the last time, Colin. I'm taking this higher, and not only will they take you down to a PV1, I'm taking your fucking pay, too. Rosco is a good soldier, and you've screwed him over too many times."_

"_Rosco, a good soldier?" Colin scoffed in disbelief. "Don't make me laugh. He's fucking lucky a few extra hours is all he's getting punished with." Fin crossed his arms in front of his well built chest._

"_And what exactly is he being punished for?" An amused glint shined in his cold blue eyes as he tood a step closer to Fin until they were nose to nose. _

"_For being a race traitor and marrying an ugly ass lazy fucking nigger and having some fucked up half breed nigger brat," he said coldly. Fin struggled not to physically attack the 'soldier,' and he used the term loosely, in front of him. He took a few deep breaths before he spoke, his voice shaking in such anger, he wasn't sure how he managed to speak._

"_Get dressed, full battle rattle, and be outside in three minutes. You're pulling twenty-four hours of gate duty, and you're getting an EO complaint." It was a drastic move, and an EO complaint was essentially anything motivated by hatred towards an individual based on gender, religion, race, or nationality. It could end his career, and at this point, Fin was ready to take that step._

"_The fuck I am!" Colin spat._

"_I'm your Squad Leader, and I say you are, so yes, you are."_

"_I don't have to listen to a fucking worthless nigger like you!" he shouted as he reached for his pocket knife._

"_Stand the fuck down!" Fin roared._

"_Fuck you!" Colin shouted back. Before Fin had a chance to duck, Colin punched him across the face so hard Fin almost lost his balance. Fin recovered just in time to see Colin race at him with the knife. He dodged Colin and quickly stepped behind him before he wrapped his arm around Colin's neck and squeezed as tight as he could with one arm, while he hit Colin as hard as he could in the shoulder until Colin dropped the knife. Fin slammed him against the wall, jerked both arms behind his back, and threw him to the ground before pressing a knee into his back. _

"_Get off me, you fucking coon!" Colin roared as he struggled to get away from Fin's grasp._

"_I need some help!" Fin shouted. "Somone get in here now!" Luckily, two other Sergeants were walking back from the chow hall and had heard the shouts. They both hurried in, and while one helped Fin restrain the crazed man, the other sprinted towards the military police office which was thankfully nearby._

_Several days later, Fin watched as Colin was told her was not only getting dishonorably discharged for assaulting a commanding officer, but he was also going to spend some time at Leavenworth. After the ruling was read, Colin turned towards Fin, who was sitting in the front row in the stands. Fin would have been lying if he said that the cold, cruel, crazed look on Colin's face didn't frighten him to the very core._

"_You're dead," Colin snarled unmercifully as he was led out of the courtroom. "You hear me, you fucking nigger? You're fucking dead! Your whole fucking family is dead!" After about a month or so, Fin put the incident of the crazed soldier out of his mind and eventually forgot all about it._

Until now.

And now, Fin had a white wife to fuel Joseph Colin's temper even more.

_**There ya go, folks. A nice little twist in the story to keep things from getting stale. **_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Fin couldn't tear his sight away from the ink embedded onto his old soldier's arm. Joseph looked down at where Fin's eyes were frozen, and he smirked.

"What?" Joseph asked with a particularly nasty sneer. He set one sandwich and water next to him and one next to Tina, who began devouring it the moment the plastic wrapper was off it.

"You starting to remember me,_ Sergeant _Tutuola?" he added with a particular emphasis on the word 'sergeant' as if he was daring him to pull rank on him now.

"Colin," Fin breathed softly. "You… I… You were my soldier, I was your leader, we went to the same jump school together!" he shouted. Fin left out the fact that while Joseph had failed out of Airborne school the first day, he had not only graduated but got the highest grade in the class. "You... you can't-!"

"Oh cut the hooah hooah Army brotherhood bullshit!" Joseph snapped. "I don't care what fucking rank you wore on your collar or how many medals you got! You were nothing but a worthless nigger then, and you're nothing but a worthless nigger now. The only difference now is you're fucking up my race even harder by ruining a perfectly good white woman, and you polluted the world with an ugly mongrel nigger brat, and then you tried to do it three more fucking times!"

Tears filled Tina's eyes. She didn't know what a 'mongrel' was but she knew what the rest of those cruel words meant and that he was talking about her.

"Stop calling me names," Tina muttered softly, trying to channel the independent streak Olivia had passed down to her.

"Or what?" Joseph snarled as he turned to her and pointed the gun at her. Fin quickly got between the gun and Tina. "What the hell is a stupid ugly nigger bitch like you gonna do to me?"

"Leave her out of this," Fin pleaded. "She's terrified and sick. Please, Colin," he added as an afterthought. "Don't hurt my family. This is between you and me. Let them go and we can settle this. Soldier to Soldier."

"Wrong," Joseph barked. "You fucking up my life is only part of why I'm doing this! I'm sick of ugly disgusting niggers and God damn race traitors," He gestured wildly towards Olivia with the gun. She flinched while his voice rose in anger and insanity with every word he spoke, "getting together and fucking while they're ruining the best race on the fucking planet!"

"Colin, please-," Fin began.

"Shut up!" Joseph roared as he pistol whipped Fin as hard as he could across the face. While he bit back a cry of pain he couldn't stop from falling to the ground.

"Leave my Daddy alone!" Tina yelled as she raced over to him and hit him feebly in the leg.

"NO!" Olivia screamed as Joseph turned and grabbed Tina by the hair, pulling her as high as he could with the chains restraining her, while an ear piercing shriek echoed off the walls from the little girl. Fin jumped up faster than he ever had in his life, fully prepared to fight Joseph to the death, only stopping when he put the gun to Tina's head, giving Fin a look that screamed 'try me'.

"Let her go!" Olivia screamed desperately over Tina's frightened and pained sobs. "Please let her go!" Joseph glared furiously at the child in his grasp.

"Learn this now, you little coon," he spat, barely audible over Olivia's and Tina's screams, one of pain, one of pure unrelenting fear. "You're nothing compared to a white man or woman. You don't give orders to us, we give orders to you! Nor do you fucking touch us with your filthy diseased hands! You'd better get that through your nappy fucking nigger hair and learn that fast or else you're gonna be dead before you know you're A, B fucking C's."

"I want my mommy!" Tina shrieked through her sobs as she kicked her legs wildly and struggled to release his iron clad grasp. "I! WANT! MY! MOMMY!" Disgusted, Joseph let her drop on the floor where she continued to scream and sob, crying out for her mother.

"I'll be back later," he called out to Olivia as he stormed away from Tina and Fin. "Maybe then might earn you and that nigger inside you some food." Without another word, Joseph slammed the door shut and they heard the soul crushing sounds of the locks being turned. Fin immediately scooped Tina in his arms, cradling her to his chest and while she allowed him to hold her, her cries revealed the truth about what she really wanted.

"I! Wanna! Be! With! Mommy!" she sobbed as her hands clutched her now incredibly painful scalp, hiccupping through the sobs before a violent coughing fit seized her unmercifully.

"I know, Baby, I know," Fin whispered as he rocked her back and forth. "It'll be okay. Daddy's got you."

"Nooooo!" she cried through her cough. "I want Mommy!" She pushed against his chest and Fin reluctantly released her. She crawled towards Olivia's bed, being stopped in her tracks at the end of the chain but she still fought against them.

"Mommy!" she cried out to Olivia. "Please! I wanna be with you!"

"Baby, please, just stay with Daddy," Olivia pleaded as tears made their way down her pale face, hardly able to stand Tina's desperate plea that she couldn't fulfill. Tina strained against the chains only to be picked up by Fin, who was struggling against his own tears, knowing his own pain was minimal to what Olivia must have been feeling right now.

"NO!" Tina shrieked as Fin brought her back over to the pet beds. "I wanna be with Mommy! I wanna be with Mommy…!"

Sometime later Tina finally exhausted herself out and fell asleep, her breathing even worse than it had been the night before. She was getting sicker. Fin, not daring to put the blanket on her again for fear of them taking their anger out on Tina instead of him, threw it back to Olivia. He wrapped his own jacket around Tina as best as he could, considering his own restraints prevented him from removing it entirely. He sat there against the wall, slowly stroking his daughter's hair, noticing for the first time how much more it felt like Olivia's then his. It wasn't as coarse as his or his sister's hair had been at that age and even without treatment, it was softer and silkier then his whole families. The first time he had tried to use the harsh chemicals the women in his family had used on Tina, Olivia had put her foot down – hard – adamantly objecting.

"You have to eat." Olivia's voice broke through the strained silence. Fin turned towards her and swallowed when he saw her reddened skin around the bandage they had put there hours ago but never bothered to change.

"I'm not touching that food," he told her for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Fin, please-," she begged.

"After what that bastard made you do for it?"

"We don't know when the next time they're going to let you and Tina eat," she argued. "Please eat."

"No," he told her defiantly. "I'll starve before I touch that."

Olivia sighed as she flopped her head against the pillow, struggling to ignore her own hunger pains as well as the increased fluttering in her stomach. She may have been able to deal with the hunger, but the baby wasn't taking it very well. "Will you at least drink the water?"

"No."

"Fin-."

"They raped you, Olivia," he reminded her with an air of bitterness. "They raped you so you could 'earn' your family some nasty ass gas station food. I'm not touching this, and if it wasn't for the fact I don't know when or if they're gonna let Tina eat again, I'd throw the sandwich against a wall and pour the water out. What they made you do… I don't care if we got a first class ticket home with it. You being put through that isn't worth anything they have to offer me, including going a little bit hungry."

Tears flooded Olivia's eyes as she and Fin looked at one another. "I love you, Baby," he told her softly. "Don't ever forget that." She bit her lip to hold back a sob as he used his pet name on her. Instead of making her cringe in disgust when Joseph used it, it almost provided her with a sense of calm and stability when Fin called her that. Olivia swallowed her tears and nodded.

"I love you too," she said softly. Despite everything going on around them, he gave her a brief, short-lived smile. She managed to work one up that faltered as soon as it formed when the door opened again and Joseph walked in, this time only carrying one sandwich and one bottle of water along with several clean white bandages and a tube of a medical cream.

"Ready to try again?" Joseph asked with a smirk as he put the food down besides the bed and unzipped his jeans. Olivia closed her eyes in defeat, struggling to think of a way out of this. She had easily gone two or three days without food when she was in the academy, and when she was invested hard in a case at hand she could go a few days on coffee alone. But she had someone else to think about besides herself now. The unborn child inside her had to eat something.

Joseph stroked himself until he was hard and straddled her. "It's up to you rather you eat or not. But this one here," he added as he pressed own hard on the slight bulge on her stomach making her groan in pain, "needs some food. Ain't that right, you little nigger?" he asked as he lowered her head and spoke directly to the bump as he pressed down even harder

"Don't talk to him!" Fin barked, unable to control himself. He didn't want that monster having anything to do with his child much less doing the one thing only he was allowed to do. He didn't want his baby to hear the vile things Joseph had to say when he was talking to Olivia much less talking directly to the baby.

Joseph snapped towards Fin, fully prepared to do something physical to punish him or talking back when his whole demeanor changed. A cruel unforgiving smirk lit up his face as he looked down at the bump where his hand was still on before he looked back to Fin.

"You feel the little porch monkey kick yet, Boy? Because I just did." Olivia's eyes widened. It was too early for that. Yes, she could feel her child moving inside of her, but it was far too early for anyone else to feel it. She looked at Fin and shook her head slightly. She hoped he would get the message that Joseph was trying to play him. Fin narrowed his eyes dangerously at him, struggling to hold back the rage that was burning inside him right now. Besides Olivia, he was always the first to feel his children kick and he knew it was something amazingly beautiful and special to feel that. The fact that that spineless demon of a man claimed to experience it before him, much less experience it before he raped his child's mother, angered him beyond any words imaginable.

The self satisfied smirk grew even bigger before he turned back to Olivia who was struggling to throw Joseph's hand off her stomach. Giving the bump two slaps for good measure, he moved forward until his hard member was in front of her face. "Open up," he demanded as he grabbed a hold of her hair and pulled hard. Thinking only of the life inside her, Olivia slowly opened her mouth. Joseph thrust all the way in, gagging her and blocking her from breathing once more. He pulled back slightly before he pushed in hard again, yanking her hair harder to make her mouth slide up and down.

"You must really want that nigger inside you to die if you ain't willing to do jack shit to feed it," Joseph groaned as he pounded her face. Hating what she was about to do, Olivia began to apply suction as he moved in and out, gagging her with every thrust. She forced her tongue to lick his length up and down. She wanted to vomit at the foul smell and sour taste that eroded from him but forced herself to hold on to her stomach contents. She could do that after…

Joseph moaned and grunted as he began thrusting more erotically, choking Olivia with his crazed movements as she struggled to ignore the pain in her scalp as he pulled hard on her hair. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, her mouth filled with his essence. She closed her eyes tight, her whole body shaking as she forced herself to swallow the bitter rotten tasting semen. Joseph pulled out of her and cocked his head to the side as he looked down at her face. She finally opened her eyes up to look at him, silently pleading with him to let her eat.

"Better," he told her. "Much much better, I will admit. But until I know I'm getting better head then what you give that nigger, you don't deserve the food. Better luck next time."

"Wait!" Olivia cried desperately as he zipped up his jeans. "Please, my baby needs food. Let me try again!"

"You're really not helping your case here," Joseph said with a laugh. "Maybe in, oh, a day or two, you'll learn how to give a white man head properly. Until then enjoy being hungry." Ignoring the tears in her eyes, Joseph gripped the bandages and with a painful yelp from her, ripped the bandage from her leg.

"Oh yeah," Joseph said as he looked the blisterd pattern of the brand. "Yeah that's healing up nicely. That's gonna be a hell of a nice mark you got when it's done." Tears flooded Olivia's eyes as he took a large dab of the crème and rubbed it on the burn, making her wince in pain. Fin, now able to sit up, looked over at Olivia who couldn't bring herself to look over at him. His eyes traveled down to her leg and his jaw dropped to the floor while his eyes widened as he saw the large bright red swastika, now blistered over, branded on his wife's thigh. Fin's astonishment soon turned to rage as he looked over at Joseph.

"What did you do to her?" he snarled. "What the fuck did you do to my wife?" Joseph smirked as he finished applying the crème and covered the foul mark up with new bandages. He looked over at a furious looking Fin.

"We just gave her a lifelong reminder of who the superior ones are in this world," Joseph answered smugly.

"You fucking bastard!" roared Fin as he stood up suddenly, waking Tina in the process. He sprinted towards the bed, nearly falling to the ground when he reached the chain's limit. "I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you, you sick fuck!"

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Tina asked, her voice trembling with fear. Joseph's amusement quickly turned into anger as he pointed the gun at Fin.

"You better watch your fucking mouth, Boy!"

"Fuck you!" Fin spat.

Joseph snarled at him, glaring icily at him. Knowing that gun threats or even physical threats were going to get him nowhere, he holstered the gun and turned back towards Olivia who had tears of embarrassment running down her face.

"That nigger you 'love' just moved the date of the next test to three days!" Falling deaf to the pleas of both Olivia and Fin, Joseph turned and left the basement, slamming the door behind him. Neither Fin nor Olivia talked for the rest of the night except for Fin's desperate apologies that Olivia pretended she didn't hear. He thought she was angry at him for making Joseph not give her the chance to give her food for the next three days. In reality, she was too ashamed and embarrassed to even look at him. How could he even stand to look at her knowing the vile filth that was permanently fixed on her body? It made no sense to her. She knew she would forever be ugly and untouchable in his eyes thanks to the brand…

Eventually, after an unanswered 'I love you' by Fin did they eventually fall asleep…

The first thing Fin tasted when he awoke, however, was the distinct taste of rusted metal…

_**Hey everyone! I'm putting together a care package to send to Bellatrix Wannabe 89 over in Afghanistan, and I'm sure she would LOVE to hear from all of her fans! If you would like to enclose a letter, please send it to me via PM, and I'll make sure she gets it. Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!**_

_**Please remember to review!**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Fin's eyes shot open as he tried to spit the invasion, a short rested metal tube that was just long enough to reach the outsides of his mouth, but couldn't because he could barely move his jaw, which seemed to be strapped to his head on all sides with thick leather straps. He tried to reach up and free himself but his heart began racing when he could hardly move his hands more than a few inches from behind him. They had shortened his chains as well.

Fin looked over at a sleeping Tina and his eyes narrowed in anger when he saw the duct tape over her mouth, her chest rising and falling to a short unsteady almost panting rhythm. Even from there he could hear the congestion and crackling in her lungs. He knew his child was struggling for every bit of oxygen she could pull into her tiny lungs.

The door swung open and Adam and Joseph descended the stairs carrying three large metal buckets, two of them sloshing water over the side, and the other had several large bottles of chemical cleaner, two yellow sponges, and gloves in them. Joseph turned and smirked at the bound man.

"Looks like the Dog discovered his muzzle," he laughed with a grin. Fin narrowed his eyes dangerously at the men as they walked over to a sleeping Olivia and set their tools down.

"Get away from her!" Fin tried to yell through the gag but his words came out nothing more than slight muffles.

They ignored his order as they unopened several of the bottles and began pouring it in the empty bucket, a deadly swirl of liquids quickly filling it. Almost immediately the room filled with the smell of harsh chemicals. Fin coughed as the strong smell assaulted him and he struggled to get to Tina so he could somehow protect her from the deadly fumes. He could see Olivia's eye lids slowly flutter open and she wrinkled her nose in disgust before she too began coughing.

She turned away from the source and her eyes fell on a gagged Fin. "Get that off him," she choked out. She turned back to her assailants and glared dangerously at them. "Get that off him now."

"Not until those dogs learn to control themselves around their masters," Adam said as he nodded towards Fin and Tina. He turned back to Olivia, smirking at the angered look on her face. "Until then the muzzles stay on."

Adam turned towards his brother and pointed at Tina. "Get the little nigger out of here."

Joseph looked thoroughly disappointed at the command. "Wouldn't it be more fun if we made her watch?"

"I said," Adam began, with more authority, "get her out of here. The drug will wear off soon."

"What did you give her?" Olivia demanded but unable to hide the fear in her tone.

"Nothing we didn't give either of you," Adam said with a shrug. He turned towards Fin and flashed him a sly grin. "Didn't want the dog waking up on us when we put it on him." Fin glared at him furiously as Adam turned back to Joseph and nodded towards Tina again.

"Get her out of here," Adam repeated. "I'm not going to tell you again."

Sighing heavily as if his parent had taken away his favorite toy, he went over to Tina, unlocked the chains and threw her carelessly over his shoulder.

"Where are you taking her?" Olivia demanded as Joseph left the room with a heavy note of fear. "Where are you taking my daughter?"

She was answered with the sound of the door slamming. The moment the door shut, Fin immediately began shouting through the gag to no effect, his eyes wide with panic and fear.

"No!"Olivia screamed; her voice filled to the brim with a hysterical panic. "Bring her back! Please bring her back!"

"Shut up," Adam sneered as he walked up to Olivia, being met only with another hysterical plea for Tina to be brought back under their watch. "Keep fucking screaming like that and I'll make sure you never see the little nigger again."

His threatening words silenced both Fin and Olivia, the latter unable to stop the tears form streaming down her face. "Please," she begged softly, "just… just tell me where you took her." Adam chuckled as he walked up to her and moved a stray piece of hair from her face. She fought not to jerk away from his touch and instead continued to look up at him with pleading eyes. His mouth curled into a cruel smirk as he turned away from her. Olivia closed her eyes in defeat as tears slowly fell from them once more.

Adam reached down next to the buckets and pulled on the two thick yellow cleaning gloves and grabbed a sponge just as Joseph walked back in without Tina.

"What did you do to her?" Olivia asked, her voice trembling. "What did you do to my daughter? ANSWER ME!" she finished in a frantic scream as they both ignored her. Instead of answering her frantic plea, Joseph bee lined straight for Olivia and without so much as a word as to what had happened the short time he had been gone he gripped the collar of her shirt and ripped the fabric down the center. He grabbed her bra next and tore it from its center and ripped that from her body as well as the ruined shirt.

"Get off me!" Olivia screamed as his hands trailed down her newly exposed skin to her already bare lower half.

"Get away from her!" Fin roared through his gag as he fought against his chains as they began to shortening the chains on her ankles even further. Olivia whimpered in pain as the chains forced her legs apart as far as they would stretch and then some.

"Stop!" she cried desperately as they continued to spread her legs. "Please!"

Finally, when her legs physically wouldn't move any further, they finally locked in the chains. Tears fell down her face as the pain erupted throughout her entire lower body from stretching far beyond what a normal human ever should experience.

Full to the brim of shame and embarrassment of being tied spread eagle for the two men in front of them, she turned towards the wall away from her husband, unable to look him in the eyes knowing whatever they were planning on doing to her was something that would make her even less desirable in Fin's eyes. Joseph licked his lips as his eyes raked over her body. He knew if he was to take her now, with the way her legs were spread, he would cause her more pain than she ever would experience during sex, even after fucking that disgusting nigger and having their bodies so disproportionate to each other.

And that is what he loved in his victims. He loved seeing their eyes go wide with pain and fear when he was pumping hard and fast into them, he loved knowing he was the reason they were so terrified, he loved punishing them for stomping the gift of their race and spitting on it. It was the biggest turn on he could imagine…

Joseph took a step towards her and Adam put a firm hand on his shoulder to stop him from going any farther, knowing full well what he had in mind. With a slightly annoyed sigh, he took a step back and stormed over to the buckets and wrenched on the same industrial gloves that his brother dawned.

He took the sponge and ducked it into the bucket of chemicals and started towards Olivia.

Olivia's eyes widened and she started to struggle fruitlessly. "No," she breathed, finally understanding what they were about to do to her. "Get away from me!"

Fin too began screaming at them to leave her alone, his own eyes wide with terror and fear as Joseph got nearer her. She shook her head franticly as a sob ripped past her lips.

"Please don't do this! Don't-!" That was her last comprehensive word before Joseph put the soaking wet sponge on her breast and began to scrub viciously like he was scrubbing the floors.

Pain. Uncontrollable, indescribable burning searing pain a hundred times worse than the brand erupted on her skin wherever the chemical hit and only increased in its viciousness every moment it continued to stay on her skin. She let out a blood curdling scream as Joseph scoured her and was soon joined by Adam who used the same harsh pattern.

Her whole body twisted and jerked but there was no escape from the burning torture. She felt like her whole body was alit with flames. She could faintly hear Fin's own screams of protest but it was somewhere deep in the back of her mind. The only thing her brain would concentrate on was the neverending agonizing pain. The pain and Joseph's cruel laughter as he continued to scrub her body raw. He took her by the face and quickly worked the harsh chemical over her lips and at once she began to cough uncontrollably as she breathed in the harsh fumes to a greater extent.

But was worse than even the horrid searing torturous pain that was blazing her skin was when Joseph dipped his hand in the chemical and then forced three of his fingers deep inside her and began to curl and twist them, coating her both inside and out with the harsh mixture. She could hardly see through the pain and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as the pain threatened to overtake her to the point she wanted to slip into darkness and never return…

Adam clutched the anal plug that was still inside her and pulled it loose from her depths. Olivia barely registered the sensation as her skin continued to burn. Joseph eagerly coated his fingers with more of the cleanser before he stuck his finger inside the recently vacated orifice and began to twist it inside her as hard as he could. She glanced over at Fin and could see he was struggling to hide the tears that so desperately wanted to fall after seeing the one he loved in such agonizing pain. As much as she knew he would never want to touch her again, she wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms now and for him to make her feel as safe and secure as he did the past years they've been together.

"Enough!" Adam barked at Joseph who, rather reluctantly, pulled his fingers out of Olivia. Her entire body was on fire, but she didn't have the strength to scream anymore. When Adam unchained her, she laid there as limp as a rag doll. He scooped her in his arms and right about then is when she would have begun fighting him for all she was worth now that she was unchained from her binds. But at that moment, she couldn't find the strength to do anything except wish she was out of the mind numbing pain they put her in.

Vaguely she heard Fin scream out for her but she couldn't respond. Her eyes fluttered open and closed several times, and she vaguely remembers stairs, but after that her mind went blank and darkness overtook her. She wasn't sure how much time had passed but when she finally awoke, she awoke to a warm stream of water washing away every drop of the horrendous solvent. Almost if not sooner, she became aware of someone's hands running a bar of soap up and down her body, and she tried to jerk away from the foreign touch. Adam pressed her hard up against the rusty shower and pinned her body between his and the shower wall.

"Stop struggling," he demanded.

"Help me!" she screamed desperately as she fought against his iron clad hold. She refused to heed his words until he leaned in next to her ear and spoke the most horrifying threat anyone had ever used against her.

"I know where your little brat is and you don't. You don't behave, and I promise you that you'll never see her alive again."

The detective froze; too terrified at the mere prospect of losing Tina to do anything other then what Adam commanded her to do. He began to cleanse her once more with Olivia standing as still as a statue the whole time. Adam leaned in close and smelled her hair and groaned as his cock sprang to life. "You're so fucking hot when you don't have nigger stink all over you," he muttered as he nuzzled her neck.

Olivia clenched her fists tight but didn't dare move or say anything, his threat weighing heavy in her mind. He began to grind against her backside and Olivia let her tears fall, mixing with the water from the shower that ran down her face. Adam chuckled cruelly as he nipped at her earlobe.

"I'd take you right here and now," he whispered softly. "But that nigger that defiled you should see a white man fucking you properly for the first time."

Still remaining silent as ever, Adam turned off the water and led her out of the tub and gave her a thick fluffy green towel to dry off. Once she was done Adam led her through the gas station and back down into the basement once more. Joseph was down there, aiming his weapon at Fin who straightened up the moment he saw Olivia pass through the doorway. He tried to scream for her but the gag was still firmly in place. Olivia's and Fins eyes met, and she never fought against running to him as she did then. Adam led her to the bed, drinking in her glorious form before he leaned in and kissed her. Adam's kiss was the polar opposite of Josephs. His lips were soft, gentle, almost endearing. His tongue slowly entered her mouth and ran across hers before he pulled away from her. He took her in his arms and laid her gently down on the bed before he climbed on top of her. When she didn't hear Fin protest or offer any words to her at all she knew he had been threatened with the same threat Adam had given her, and neither was willing to risk that happening.

Not even bothering to chain her to the bed, knowing what he held over her was far more binding then any chains, Adam leaned down and gently kissed her neck before he moved his lips up to that one particular spot behind her ear. Olivia bit back a moan as he attacked her with sensual kisses, his hand trailing so lightly along her flesh, it brought a shudder to her.

Adam's lips moved down her body, moving from her ear to her neck to her breasts. He took one of her nipples into his mouth where he began to slowly suck, his warm tongue swirling around the peak making her shudder. His hand moved up to replace his tongue, and he began to pinch and tweak until they were both rock hard. Olivia fought hard to suppress a moan that was threatening to escape. Though her breasts had always been sensitive, they proved even moreso while pregnant. Adam's lips left her peaks as a strangled moan escaped. Further south he moved, ignoring her stomach altogether until he had his head buried in-between her legs.

Olivia's breathing hastened and her heart pounded loud in her chest. Tears pricked at her eyes as Adam gently spread her legs and kissed her inner thigh, slowly making his way down to her center. She could feel his warm breath against her and hard as she tried, a pool of moisture began to form inside her. He took one lick upwards and Olivia moaned as her hips jerked out of reflex. He lapped at her folds before his lips wrapped around her clit and he gently licked the nub.

"No!" Olivia moaned as her hips jerked once more. "Stop." Adam ignored her as his tongue worked feverishly as he began to suck on her bundle of nerves. Olivia gasped, clenching the blanket in her fists as her back arched, unable to help it as she grew wetter by the mere second.

"St- stop," she whimpered as he made his way up towards her again. Ignoring her please once more he pressed tight against her, his hand gently trailing down her curves until he was able to grab his hard cock. He lightly rubbed the head over her clit several times before he took it and placed it at her now sopping wet entrance. Tears began to stream down her face as Adam leaned down, placing feather light kisses on her lips.

"Don't worry," he whispered to her softly. "This is how it's supposed to be. This is what you were designed to do." He pushed a lose piece of damp hair away from her face. "We were made for each other."

Then, slowly and gently, he pushed into her.

Olivia gasped, not in pain but in pleasure as Adam waited until her body adjusted to the intrusion. Her brain was screaming no, but her body was betraying her. She couldn't deny that on a purely physical level, what he was doing to her felt good. After she adjusted to him, he slowly began to move in and out, peppering her face with soft kisses as he did.

"Please. Please, don't hurt my child," she breathed. "I'll do anything, just don't hurt her."

"Shhh…it's ok, Olivia," Adam said, almost gently as he leaned it to kiss her neck again. Her eyes clenched shut as he began to gently rub her clit with one hand while the other trailed along her breasts. She fought hard against the urge to push back as her head fell backwards, proving to be a mistake as Adam kissed her behind the ear once more, making her whimper even louder.

"Please don't touch her. Don't hurt my daughter," Olivia said again. Finally, her body betrayed her and her hips began to jerk in time to his slow and easy thrusts. He chuckled softly in her ear as he began to speed up. Not anywhere near the frenzied hurried movements Joseph used with her, but sped up just the same.

"I know you like this, Olivia," he whispered just loud enough for Fin, who was struggling not to look at her in this state, to hear her. "Your body is telling me. It knows I'm supposed to be inside you. Not that disgusting diseased nigger dick."

As his tempo picked up, so did the movement of his hands and began to rub her clit more vicariously. Olivia moaned as she felt herself climbing and climbing ever higher as Adam continued to devour her.

"Oh god," she whimpered, half in pleasure, half in disgust at herself, as her hips began thrusting more erratically now.

"That's it, Baby," Adam groaned in her ear. "Cum for me. Cum for me now…"

With a loud cry of horror of what was happening, Olivia felt herself topple over the edge. Her back arched and her walls clamped down hard on the monster inside her.

The moment she did, she began to cry. Sobs racked her body, not even noticing that Adam thrust several more times before he came inside her. She felt far more disgusting and violated by what she herself had done then anything either Adam or Joseph had done to her thus far.

Her rapist had brought her to orgasm…

"Here," Adam said gently, handing Olivia a set of scrubs. "I wouldn't want you to get cold down here."

"Then let us go," she said, pulling on the offered clothes. Adam shook his head sadly.

"Can't do that. Not yet, anyway. But, you behaved well, so I think you deserve a bit of a reward," he said. He picked up one of the shackles and fastened it around her left ankle. "There. That should let you stretch for a bit." Olivia sensed some level of kindness from Adam that she couldn't explain, but she wanted to take advantage of it if she could.

"Please, can I see my daughter?" she asked. Adam grinned and kissed a trembling Olivia gently on the cheek.

"Soon," he said. With that, he and Joseph sidled up the stairs, the thudding of the heavy door sealing off Olivia's only connection to her daughter's whereabouts.

_**So, SVU's coming back for a 14th season! This is truly awesome news. And yeah, I hate doing this to Olivia, but I think Bellatrix Wannabe 89 is going to point her M16 at me if I don't carry out her vision properly, so yeah…**_

_**I'll spring her soon…ish.**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: I was actually a little bit shocked when I read the reviews from the last chapter. I've written several stories for this site, each one pushing the limits of the human psyche. Plus, I've seen stories, with rave reviews, that have gone to much darker places than I have gone with this story. Normally, I stick to my guns and plow through with the story because I don't add things needlessly. There really is a purpose to each event in each story, and it goes to make an overall point. **_

_**However, after consulting with Bellatrix Wannabe 89, we reluctantly decided to cut about 6 chapters of this story, thanks to some of the reviews we've been getting. I won't say who was the first to compromise the artistry of the original outline, but it was compromised. I just want to state, once again, that this story is rate M, and anyone is free to use the "Back" button at any time. So, I hope this isn't too abrupt, but it is what it is at this point.**_

**Chapter 24**

"_Top story today, kidnapping of NYPD Detective Odafin Tutuola and his family has the city in an outrage," the blonde haired reporter told the nation as she and several other reporters stood in front of the angry mob that had gathered outside the 16__th__ precinct. "Sources reveal that Detective Tutuola, an African American detective for the Special Victims Unit, and his wife, Olivia Tutuola, a white co-worker of the Detective, and their young daughter have been kidnapped by white supremacists, the same white supremacists that killed at least two other inter racial families in the past month._

_Citizens are outraged at this shocking crime, some even saying that the NYPD, who has a long history accusations of racism towards minorities, aren't doing as much to find them as they would be doing if it was an all white family that had been kidnapped, in spite of the fact that both victims are NYPD Detectives. One disgruntled man told us that even if the family is found, there's nothing that would make him trust the NYPD again, stating that while they've done well in the past, this case has been far too much for them to stomach. _

_With the ongoing racial tensions mounting due to the George Zimmerman trial, this case seems to have added more fuel to the un-quenching fire between minorities and law enforcement and this reporter believes that until the family is found, no amount of water will cease it. For Channel 7 news, I'm Erica Conrad."_

Elliot sighed as he turned off the TV in the squad room, the sounds of the riot outside working on his every nerve. They didn't understand that in regards to this case, it wouldn't matter if they had 5 or 50 officers out there pawing through the crime scene. It wasn't going to take finding a bloody thumbprint to get these guys. It was going to be found in-house after exhausting hours of tedious word.

"Did you get anything on Colin yet?" Elliot asked Munch. Ever since the name Joseph Colin had come up in the investigation, they had been trying to find anything on him, but any information was mysteriously classified.

"Not yet. Every time I think I have something, I get stonewalled," Munch replied, draining what felt like the thousandth cup of coffee he had consumed today. Elliot sighed as a tiny 'ping' sounded from his computers speakers and he turned back to it, his brow narrowing in confusion as he read the results of the search. "Wait, here's something," he told Munch who abandoned his desk and came over to Elliot's. Elliot had tried a search on a whim, not really expecting to find something. Up until now, their search had been focused on New York, but Elliot had decided to widen the net a little.

"Property record. For a gas station in New Jersey," Munch read. "The name on the deed is Adam Colin, though. I thought we were looking for Joseph Colin."

"This is where Google becomes your best friend, Munch. Joseph Colin has a brother. Wanna guess what his name is?" Elliot said.

"I think we should see if anyone at that gas station knows where we can find Mr. Colin," Munch said, already shrugging into his coat. As they headed out onto the streets, they were met with at least a hundred heated protesters, all of them screaming that they were ignoring the case because Fin was black. Patrol officers were stationed to make sure the demonstrators didn't interfere with business, but still, it was disconcerting. These people were accusing the cops of not doing anything when they were working harder than ever to save two of their own.

XxXxX

Olivia curled onto her side, grateful for the clothes. At least now she wasn't so exposed. She couldn't bear to look at Fin anymore however, not after everything she had been through. All she wanted at this point was her daughter. Tina seemed to be getting so much worse, and she was afraid that…no, she wasn't going to let her mind go there. She couldn't let her mind go there now. She couldn't guess what time it was or how long they had been in this horrid place. There were no windows, so she couldn't even guess the time based on the sun.

The door opened again, and Olivia reacted instinctively, pulling herself into a ball as far away from the door as she could, sitting up so that she could watch her captors.

"Olivia," Adam said, as soon as he saw her. "We have a guest." She saw a pair of high heels on the stairs behind Adam. As the woman descended, Olivia tried to figure out what sort of woman would help these two.

"Where's my daughter?" Olivia asked softly.

"She's fine," Adam answered. The female figure came into view, and that was when Olivia recognized her.

Dr. Victoria Black. Of the Manhattan Family Clinic.

"How are we doing today Olivia?" she asked, plastering on a fake smile. For the first time, Olivia saw Dr. Black without a lab coat on, and she noticed the prominent swastika tattooed on the inside of the woman's thin, pale forearm.

"Fine," Olivia answered coldly.

"Go ahead doctor, do what you need to do," Adam said, gesturing towards Olivia. "We wouldn't want anything to happen to the baby, now would we?" he said, more to Olivia than anything else.

Olivia's stomach dropped. She hadn't liked this woman from the first time she met her. It was almost like her subconscious knew this was Dr. Black's secret. She couldn't comprehend that a woman…a doctor…would be working with the two men who had abducted and tortured her. Dr. Black set down her bag and opened it, extracting something Olivia couldn't see.

"Olivia, I need you to lie down for me so I can take a look at what's going on," Dr. Black said, her back still to Olivia.

"Like hell I will," Olivia seethed. Dr. Black sighed.

"Why are they always so difficult? Adam, could I get a little help from you?" she asked as she turned towards the man.

From the other side of the room, Fin watched helplessly, still bound and gagged as Adam dragged his wife away from the wall.

"Don't touch her!" he tried to scream, futilely. Once again, the gag prevented him from saying anything of any use. Olivia fought with a renewed sense of strength, but Adam quickly overpowered her, securing her wrists once more.

"I guess I was wrong by giving you a tiny amount of freedom. I won't make that mistake again," Adam snarled as he fought against her.

"Go to hell," Olivia spat, still trying to buck him from her, but he was just too strong.

"Olivia, stop. Now, let the doctor look at you, and I promise you can see your daughter," Adam said calmly. He had no intention of reuniting her with Tina, but she didn't need to know that. 

"Olivia, please, I would expect this from a child, but you're an adult. This should calm you down," Dr. Black said, standing over her, holding a syringe. The doctor quickly injected Olivia's arm.

"What the hell did you just give me?" Olivia cried out as she tried to shake away both from Adam and the Doctor's touch.

"Relax, it was just a sedative. It's perfectly safe, but you need to calm down," Dr. Black said. Olivia felt the drug coarse through her veins, and she felt her muscles slacken. Her breathing was starting to slow, and she felt sleepy. She fought with everything she had, but it wasn't enough.

"Don't…touch…me…" Olivia struggled to get out. Inside, her voice was screaming, but her body was having difficulty moving. Through her clouded vision, she saw Dr. Black hovering over her stomach with a larger syringe.

"Don't…" she protested weakly.

"Relax, Olivia, I'm just running an amniocentesis. I know you've had them before, so you know there's nothing to be afraid of," Dr. Black explained. Olivia had had amnios before, she didn't remember the syringe being that large. And it was taking every bit of strength just to keep her eyes open. Vaguely, she felt a prick in her lower abdomen. In fact, her body was barely registering any pain at all. She suspected that she had been given something far more powerful than a simple sedative. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, the doctor was injecting something else into her stomach.

"Good girl, Olivia," Dr. Baker said, withdrawing the syringe and packing up her tools. Olivia dug deep inside and fought the sedating effects of the drug with every ounce of strength she could muster. If she passed out, she would have no way of knowing what was happening to her, and that was more terrifying than knowing. Fin watched helplessly as his wife struggled to stay awake, trying to overhear the conversation Dr. Black was having with Adam.

"It'll take about 35-38 hours to work. When the contractions start, call me," Dr. Black said, and she headed up the stairs. Contractions? What did they do to Olivia? No, he must have heard wrong. He had to have heard wrong.

"What are you looking at?" Adam said, narrowing his eyes at Fin. "You see what she's going through?" Adam said, pointing to Liv. "It's all your fault, you know. If she had been pregnant with a white baby, she wouldn't have to go through this. But you had to go and ruin her." Olivia stirred slightly, claiming Adam's attention again.

"Fin…" she whimpered, as her voice sighed somewhat contentedly. Her grasp on reality was slipping, and she wasn't entirely aware of what she was saying. Adam glared at the woman as his hands curled into fists as he turned towards Fin.

"You fucking disgusting nigger bastard," he spat. "She had the best sex with a man from her own race, and you still fucked her over enough so that she only pretends to love you. You've ruined her." Adam reached in his waist band and pulled out his weapon and aimed it at his prisoner. Fin's eyes closed for a moment before he turned towards Olivia.

Fin knew he was going to die by Adam's hand. He kept his eyes firmly on Olivia as he heard the charger being pulled back. He wanted her to be the last thing he ever saw. "I love you," he whispered softly, through the gag, hoping that their connection was powerful enough that she would know he had said those words as his last before…

XxXxX

Munch and Elliot stood outside the gas station. Cops were positioned everywhere, but they were carefully concealed so as not to tip off Adam and Joseph before they were ready. They had already strapped on police issue bulletproof vests, and were clipping ear pieces on.

"Are we ready to move in?" Elliot asked the squad leader. He nodded, and with a single command, the raid on the gas station commenced.

XxXxX

Just as he began to squeeze the trigger, there was a loud commotion from upstairs. "What the…?" Adam began as he looked up towards the ceiling.

"Cops!" yelled Joseph from upstairs. Adam fixed his gaze on Fin. He knew he was trapped in this basement, and it wouldn't be long before he was discovered.

"Say good night," Adam said, aiming his gun at Fin.

"Hold it," came a voice from the stairs. Fin looked over at the uniformed officer, ready to fire on Adam. And then, in a fraction of a second that seemed to last an eternity, the cop squeezed his trigger just as Adam squeezed his own.

XxXxX

Elliot and Much were at the tail end of the first wave of the raid. Once Joseph had been taken into custody, he and Munch began a sweep of the ground floor of the gas station.

"Detectives! Over here!" a uniformed officer called. He was standing in front of the door to the cleaning closet. Elliot and Munch rushed over to see what they had found.

"Uncle Munch?" came a tiny, sickened voice from the back. And that's when Munch saw them. A pair of chocolate brown eyes that looked exactly like Olivia Benson's.

"Tina?" he said, gently pulling aside the various mops and brooms she had hidden behind. When he removed the last layer, he gasped at what he saw.

"What is it?" Elliot asked, laying his eyes on what Munch had seen. Tina's head was totally and completely bald with several cuts on her scalp as evidence of the straight edged razor Joseph had used on her. The cuts looked shallow, but the fact that they were present at all caused Elliot's temper to flare.

"Tina, did they cut your hair off?" Munch asked gently, pulling Tina out of the corner she had hidden in. Tina nodded and slumped onto Munch's shoulder.

"Is she ok?" Elliot asked, stroking her head. The minute he did, though, he knew she wasn't. Her skin was hotter than he had ever felt on a human before.

"Tina, where are your parents?" Elliot asked softly. Tina shrugged haphazardly, and her eyes began to droop.

And that was when they heard two gunshots from under the floor.

Elliot raced down the steps, with Munch close on his heels, weapons drawn in front of them. Tina would be attended to by the uniformed cop who discovered her. He sprinted into the tiny basement and stood motionless for several moments at the sight in front of him.

"My God," Elliot breathed softly.

Fin was slumped against the wall, his shoulder bearing a sick, circular, dark red stain while the cop who had ended Adam's life was holding pressure on it and calling for a bus.

But Olivia was another story. She was lying spread eagled on the bed, still dressed in scrubs, and what he could see of her pale skin was battered and bruised. The blanket she was on was filthy and tattered, and the room wreaked of sex. Elliot was fairly certain that DNA testing on the mattress and blanket would reveal fluids from multiple men and Olivia. He could tell by her limited movements and lack of awareness that she was either drugged, or near dea – no, he wasn't going to think about that. He raced towards her side and gently stroked her cheek.

"Liv, can you hear me?" he asked softly. Her eyes fluttered and opened halfway.

"Elliot…" she breathed.

"I'm right here. You're going to be ok," he said, although he wished he believed those words. Her ashen face indicated that she needed a hospital, and fast. He quickly set to work picking the locks on the shackles that held her down. Olivia felt the ties loosen, but she was too tired to even try to move her sore limbs. He heard her moan in pain, and he thought his heart was going to break.

"Liv, can you move?" he asked. The words barely registered in Olivia's head.

"They…killed Fin. Tina…" she started. She heard the gunshots, and in her mind, she knew that time had run out for Fin.

"She's fine, Liv. We already found her," he assured her.

"Was she…" Talking was taking a serious toll on her, using nearly all of the energy she had in her spent body.

"No, and don't think about that. They didn't touch her," Elliot said. He knew Tina was going to need medical care of her own. The child was listless, and he suspected her fever had spiked dangerously high, but there was no way in hell he was going to tell Olivia that. At least, not yet. He heard sirens in the distance.

"Do you hear that, Liv? Help will be here soon," he said. She steeled herself, and using what little strength she had, she managed to move her arm slightly. Elliot took her hand in his.

"Elliot…Tina…" she groaned. "My baby…"

"Tina's fine and so is your baby."

"No," she moaned as she fought against the drug that was threatening her. "They… she … she gave me something." Her eye fluttered closed briefly before she forced them open once more. "Tina," she managed to sigh before her eyes shut out to the world around her.

"Liv!" Elliot cried as he shook her shoulder. "Liv, don't do this! Wake up! Liv, please wake up!"

Before he had even finished his sentence Olivia's body jerked violently. He gazed on in horror as she began to shake and jerk so horrifically he thought she was going to fall off the bed. After a moment of shock he faintly remembered his training and quickly turned her onto her side, clearing away everything in the area that could potentially harm her.

There was nothing to be done except let her have the seizure, wait it out, and prevent her from injuring herself by falling off the bed. "I need help!" he screamed, trying futilely to hide the desperation in his voice, to anyone that was within ear shot. "Somebody help me!"

Thankfully two sets of paramedics rushed down the stairs right then. While one rushed over towards Fin, the other sprinted towards a still seizing Olivia.

"You're doing fine, Detective," one of the paramedics told him. Elliot had maneuvered himself so that he was holding Olivia gently. Her body was still free to thrash uncontrollably, but she would be rolling off the bed and crashing to the floor at any time in the near future.

"What do I do?" Elliot cried.

"Nothing. Just let her have it," the paramedic said.

"Can't you give her anything?" Elliot asked, horrified. Olivia continued to thrash in his arms. He estimated this had been going on for at least a few minutes by now.

"We don't carry those kinds of drugs. Just let her – " the paramedic said, trying to guide Elliot through the treatment protocol. Suddenly, Olivia's movements ceased, and she lay deathly still.

"Get her on the stretcher!" the paramedic ordered his partner. They shifted her and strapped her in as tight as they cold incase she started seizing again while all Elliot could do was stare on in horror.

"Does she have a history of seizures?" the paramedic asked as they were strapping her down. Elliot shook his head.

"Not that I know of. But she said they gave her some sort of drug." he said. And then another thought occurred to him. Something the medics needed to know. "She's about three months pregnant." The paramedics both looked at him as they registered this new information. This changed everything.

"Let's get her out of here," the paramedic said urgently, as they started moving Olivia out of the basement. Olivia would be ok. Elliot had to believe that. To consider the alternative was unfathomable. All three of them would be ok. Right?

_**Please review. Like I said before, a major chunk of plot was cut to write this chapter, so I'm hoping the continuity is still intact.**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Well, that was an interesting experience. I've gotten reviews before about how graphic my stories are, but usually it's a few, among many. In those cases, it's easy to ignore the haters and press on, but when the ONLY reviews you get are "oh, my God! Stop doing this!," as an author, you wonder if maybe we've moved beyond pushing the envelope to jumping off the cliff. **_

_**The reason I say this is because that's precisely what happened here. All of the reviews we were getting begged us to end the kidnapping sequence, and not in the horror-movie-I'll-say-it-but-keep-reading sense. This was far more serious than that. And then, when we conclude that maybe we really did jump off the deep end, inboxes get flooded with supportive reviews. **_

_**The point is, if you like something, speak up. If you don't say it, no one else will say it for you. I want to write an entertaining story (with a point), and the only way I can judge whether I'm doing that or not is by what you communicate back to me.**_

_**If you're curious, and you would like to know what was cut, a list of chapter events can be found on Bellatrix Wannabe 89's profile.**_

**Chapter 25**

The fact that the Tutuolas had been taken to New Jersey brought forth a slew of legal complications. Both Fin and Olivia had completed health care proxys to name a legal decision maker in the event that they were incapacitated, as strongly advised by the NYPD. Olivia's named Fin as her primary proxy with Elliot as an alternate, and Fin's named Olivia as a primary with Munch as a alternate. However, those forms were only valid in New York. The location of the gas station was roughly the same distance from a reputable hospital in New Jersey as it was from Downtown Hospital in New York. At Elliot's insistence, the Tutuolas were taken to Downtown, where they could at least be treated in their own state.

"Alex," Elliot said into the mouthpiece of his cell phone. Munch was right behind the caravan of ambulances, each emergency vehicle traveling as fast as it could with full lights and sirens. "Do you still have copies of our health care paperwork?" he asked. The entire squad had given copies to Alex, anticipating that she would be the legal point person in the event that something happened to any one of them. Elliot had his own copy, but that was in Queens, and Alex was already in Manhattan.

"Yeah, why? What's going on?" she asked.

"We found them. Liv, Fin, and Tina," Elliot told her.

"Are they ok?" Alex asked, finally turning her full attention towards the phone.

"No. Listen, all I know is that they're in bad shape. Can you meet us at Downtown Hospital and bring the papers with you?" he asked. He hoped that Olivia or Fin would wake up on their own, and he wouldn't have to be in this position. But, he was her partner, and he was going to take care of her if he had to. Without even needing to ask, he knew that Munch was prepared to do the same for Fin.

"Sure. I'll grab a cab, and I can be there in twenty minutes," Alex said, hanging up the phone.

"They're going to be ok," Munch told Elliot.

"I hope so," Elliot replied.

XxXxX

As the ambulances pulled up to the emergency room entrance, medical personnel raced towards them, carefully organized into three teams. Fin was the first one out.

"What have we got?" a male doctor asked, beginning his preliminary exam as two nurses and the paramedics hurried the gurney through the halls.

"Male, early 40s. GSW to the right shoulder. BP 90 over 50 and falling. Victim conscious on arrival, lost consciousness en route. Pressure bandage applied," the paramedic answered in the swift medical jargon. When the settled in an emergency room bay, the doctor continued his exam, but was unable to do anything to suppress the continuous stream of blood that insistently came from Fin's chest.

"Let's get him to an OR, now!" the doctor said.

Meanwhile, Olivia was the second patient unloaded.

"Talk to me," a second doctor said, as Olivia was rushed down the hall, seconds behind her husband.

"Tina…" Olivia said weakly as her eyes opened for a split second.

"Female, mid-40s, approximately 3 months pregnant. Administered unknown drug. In process of grand mal seizure on arrival. Regained consciousness post-seizure en route," the paramedic reported.

"Start a line, normal saline. Get me full blood panel, and page obstetrics. We don't touch her until we get the all clear," the doctor reported. She turned her attention towards Olivia. "Ma'am? Can you hear me?"

"Tina…" Olivia repeated. The doctor took Olivia's hand in her own.

"Ma'am, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," the doctor said. Inside Olivia's mind, she clamped onto the doctor's hand like it was a lifeline. In fact, all the doctor felt was a weak contracting of her hand.

"Good…you can hear me. We'll take good care of you," the doctor said, getting her situated in another one of the emergency bays.

Close behind Olivia, a third stretcher was winding its way into the emergency room, containing a scared little girl.

"Go," a third doctor said, and a repeat performance occurred.

"Female, 3, maybe 4 years old. Listless. Fever of 105.1," the paramedic reported.

"What's with her head?" the doctor asked, taking in the cuts on Tina's now bald head.

"She's the little girl that's been all over the news," the paramedic said. "Her parents are those two detectives who were abducted last week."

"Ok, first things first. That fever needs to come down, and we need to page peds. Are either of the parents stable?" the doctor asked.

"Negative, they came in just before she did," he said.

"Any other relatives?" the doctor said. They were going to need consent to do pretty much anything to Tina, and with both parents incapacitated, that could be tricky.

"There are a couple of cops in the waiting room," the paramedic reported.

XxXxX

"Elliot," Alex said, racing through the emergency room door. "Here's everything you asked for," she said, handing him a manila file folder.

"Both health care proxys are there as well as both of their wills," Alex told him. Elliot looked up at her, startled.

"Why would we need their wills?" he asked.

"Tina. It specifically states that if anything happens to both of them, you have guardianship of Tina. Legally, if they're both unable to make decisions, you can act as Tina's guardian, if it becomes necessary," Alex said. The gravity of the situation finally fell on Elliot's shoulders. Wills. Health care proxys. Forms they had all filed, thinking they would never be needed. Alex slipped out of her professional manner slightly. "Elliot, it probably won't be necessary. I just thought…"

"You were thinking like a lawyer. It's fine, Alex. Thank you," he said, still looking at the dreaded file in his hand.

"You know, I could stay…in case you run into legal issues," Alex added the last part quickly. Elliot nodded.

"Hey, Alex," Munch said, having completed his immediate task. "I just told the nurses who we were when they have any information."

XxXxX

Ken Randall flipped through the channels on the TV. It seemed like every channel had some sort of cop drama on, and that was the last thing he wanted to watch. He would have traded just about anything for a decent sit-com, anything to get his mind off of his missing family members. He had finally settled for watching a cooking competition using bizarre ingredients as part of the challenge.

But the longer he watched, the more he started to think about Olivia's cooking. Fin could manage to throw together a basic meal, but Olivia's cooking was a work of art. And then he started to imagine what she would do if she was on the show. This wasn't working either. He pushed the power button on the remote and threw it on the couch in frustration. This was a night for a book. He was pawing through his favorites when the phone rang.

"Ken, it's Elliot. We found them," Elliot said before Ken could get out anything more than a "hello."

"What? Where are they? Home?" he asked quickly.

"Listen, it's…not good," Elliot began. "They've all been taken to Downtown Hospital."

"Are they…will they…they'll be ok, right?" Ken asked.

"You should come down here," Elliot said.

"Wait, Elliot, where's Tina?" he asked, panicking at the thought of his little sister alone somewhere while her parents battled for their lives.

"She's here, too. I don't want to say anything else over the phone, but you should come," Elliot repeated.

"Yeah, ok. I'm on my way," Ken said, grateful that his family was alive, but worried that they wouldn't be for long.

XxXxX

Dr. Baker was updating the last of her charts in her cozy office at the clinic when she was interrupted by a soft rap on her door.

"Hey, what are you still doing here? I thought I was the only one who worked this late," Dr. Baker said kindly when Dr. Tanner popped her head in the door. Dr. Baker had liked the young, strawberry haired doctor from the moment she applied to the clinic when it opened three years ago. She was a talented pediatrician, and she proved to be just the right person to round out the staff at the Manhattan Family Clinic.

"I was just going over some test results. Listen, I just got a call from Downtown Hospital. They have a couple of our patients. Thought you'd want to know," she reported.

"Who?" Dr. Baker asked curiously.

"Olivia and Tina Tutuola," Dr. Tanner answered. Dr. Baker sighed, but she wasn't sure if it was from exhaustion or relief. The entire practice had been glued to the news reports on the abduction, especially once they learned that two of the three victims were patients at their clinic. While Tina's identity was never publicly released, anyone who knew the Tutuolas could piece together that she was the missing child.

Dr. Baker looked up at her colleague, whose intentions were plainly written across her face. Dr. Tanner's patients were the first priority in her life, and that was one of the many qualities that made her so valuable as a physician.

"Should we take your car or mine?" Dr. Baker asked.

XxXxX

Ken sat in the stark white hospital room holding the tiny hand of the form in front of him. She was small, but she seemed so much smaller with all of the instruments around her and wrapped in a cooling blanket. Every breath she took sounded strained, and he could hear the crackling in her lungs.

"Mr. Randall? I'm afraid visiting hours are over for this evening. You can come back tomorrow," a plump, pleasant-looking nurse informed him.

"Can't I just stay with her? If she wakes up alone, she'll be terrified," he asked.

"I'm sorry, but only a child's parent or guardian can stay outside of visiting hours," the nurse patiently explained.

"Ok, I get that, but her mom is a patient in maternity, and her dad is in ICU. Please, I'm her brother. She can't just stay here alone," he begged again. The nurse raised an eyebrow.

"_You_ are her _brother_? You look old enough to be her father," the nurse said skeptically, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Yes, her _brother. _Ok, half-brother. She's my stepmother's daughter," he explained. A slight cough came from Tina, causing Ken to turn his attention back towards her. "It's ok, Tina. I'm right here." Tina started to whimper, and her cough gradually increased in severity, until it reached a full blown fit, waking her in the process.

"C'mon, sit up," Ken said, placing a hand on her back to help her lean forward so that her lungs could clear more easily. He heard the fluid sounds coming from her, and with a deftness matched only by Olivia herself, maneuvered a tissue under her mouth before she expelled the discharge.

"Uhhh…" Tina groaned, falling back onto the bed. She blinked her eyes a few times before she focused on Ken. "Ken? Where's Momma?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I really do need to ask you to leave. It's hospital policy," the nurse said again. Ken shot her an annoyed look briefly before he turned back to Tina.

"I've got to go, Tina, but I'll be back first thing in the morning," he said, kissing her gently on the forehead. Tina's eyes went wide.

"NO!" she screamed. "NO, KEN, DON'T LEAVE!"

"It's ok, Tina, he can come back tomorrow," the nurse said as she started changing out the cooling packs surrounding Tina.

"NO! MOMMA! I! WANT! MOMMA!" Tina screamed, wailing at the top of her lungs.

"Tina, sweetheart, you need to calm down," the nurse said, desperately trying to calm the sick toddler down.

"NO! LEAVE! ME! ALONE!" Tina wailed. Ken had backed away as far as the doorway, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. The nurse was trying to prevent a flailing Tina from dislodging any of the instruments. Ken tried to suppress a grin, and failed miserably. He had seen this before from Tina. Ever since the day she was born, when she was exhausted or sick, she threw tantrums just like this until she got what she wanted, and the only people who could calm her down were her parents and Ken, although Olivia could usually appease her faster than the male members of the family.

"What's going on in here?" Elliot asked, rounding the corner. "I could hear her screaming from the other end of the hallway."

"MOMMA!" Tina cried again.

"Ok, Tina, take a deep breath, and tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you when you scream," he said calmly. Tina, recognizing Elliot, calmed down – slightly – but enough that she wasn't hysterical anymore.

"I _hic_ want _hic _Ken _hic_," she said.

"Ok, Ken isn't going anywhere," Elliot said, stroking her arm to calm her down.

"Sir, I can only let a parent stay with her. Hospital policy," the nurse said again.

"Well, until her parents are in any condition to sit with her themselves, I'm her guardian, and I say he stays. You have no idea what this child has been through, and her closest relative is that young man, so he stays," Elliot said, kicking into his intimidating cop mode. The nurse eyed Ken again.

"Fine, but this better not come back on me," she said haughtily.

"Thanks, Elliot," Ken said as soon as the nurse was out of earshot. "Hey," he said, pulling Elliot out of Tina's earshot. "how are Fin and Liv?"

"They won't tell me anything about Fin, but Liv's…she's holding on. She's been seen by an obstetrician, but they haven't told me anything yet. I was actually about to go ask about her when I heard Tina screaming. Think she'll be ok with you?" Elliot asked. Ken grinned.

"When she was a baby, I was the only one she'd let baby-sit her," Ken said. "She'd throw a tantrum if anyone else tried to watch her." Elliot scoffed at the memory. He had been on the receiving end of a few of those tantrums.

"Well, if they give you anymore grief, call me right away. I may be the one making decisions for her, but you're her family, and right now, she needs family more than anything else," Elliot said. Ken nodded, grateful that he had Elliot's full support. Elliot clapped the young man on the shoulder before he turned back to Tina, whose brown eyes were already beginning to droop again.

"Hey, Sweetie," Elliot asked softly. "How you doing?"

"I want Momma and Daddy," she mumbled softly. Elliot licked his lower lip before he spoke.

"They're sick, too, right now and gotta stay in bed, just like you do."

"But I wanna see Momma," Tina whined before another heavy cough seized her.

"Take it easy, TeeTee," Ken told her as he took a seat by her bedside again and rubbed her back as the vicious coughs continued. Teers flooded her brown eyes that broke both grown men's heart when it finally stopped as she laid back down on the bed.

"I want Momma," Tina said before she began to cry. Ken eagerly wrapped his arms around the small girl.

"It's ok, TeeTee," he whispered softly as tears flew to his own eyes. "It's ok, Baby." Elliot laid a hand on Ken's shoulder one last time before he left the two siblings alone, knowing that aside from Olivia and Fin, she was in the most competent hands the detective could leave her in. Running a hand through his close-cropped hair, he continued down the hall where he stood in front of the elevator as he waited for it to open. Once it did, he was surprised to see Munch step out of the metal doors, looking tired and slightly haggard, but okay nonetheless. What was curious, though, was the small bag bearing the logo of a popular baby store nearby.

"Hey," Elliot greeted with a nod. "How's Fin?" Elliot could have sworn a tiny smile shone on his face, but it was gone as soon as he could confirm it.

"He's good. Doc says it was a clean shot, all the way through. There's no permanent bone or muscle damage. Apart from looking like he tried to take on Mike Tyson, I think he'll be ok. Physically, at least," he added with a sad mutter. "How's Liv?" he asked. Like Elliot, he was only privy his partner's medical information, so he couldn't get any information about Olivia.

"I was just about to go check," Elliot told him. "What are you doing down here in Peds? Shouldn't you be with Fin?"

"Doc said he'll be out for a while, so I thought I'd run a quick errand," he said.

"So, what's with the baby store?" Elliot asked, pointing to the bag. He reached for it, only to have Munch pull it out of his grasp.

"Don't worry about it," Munch said. "I'll talk to you later." And with that, Munch strode confidently down the hall, with his precious gift tightly in his hand. Elliot just shook his head at his colleague's randomness before he climbed on the elevator and headed for the maternity wing.

XxXxX

"Right this way, Doctor," an ER nurse said as she led Dr. Baker to one of the office areas used by the Emergency Room's attending physicians. She poked her head into one where a young blonde man was pouring over the contents of a folder.

"Dr. Scott?" the nurse said, getting his attention. "This is Dr. Stephanie Baker, from the Manhattan Family Clinic. She's Olivia Tutuola's regular OB/GYN. Dr. Baker, this is Dr. Scott, our obstetrician on call tonight," Dr. Scott stood quickly and shook Dr. Baker's hand.

"Hi, Wesley Scott. Nice to meet you," he said. "I was actually just going over Olivia's case." The nurse who had introduced them quietly disappeared, and Dr. Scott closed the door as Dr. Baker took a seat in an unoccupied spare chair.

"How is she?" Dr. Baker asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. Olivia had wanted another baby more than any patient she had, and after her previous miscarriages, she desperately wanted this pregnancy to last.

"I have no idea," Dr. Scott said, taking a seat in the chair he previously vacated and sliding the file over so that Dr. Baker could see its contents.

"Why don't you walk me through it," Dr. Baker suggested.

"When I examined her, I found chemical burns over approximately 70% of her body, including the vaginal walls. Her blood work shows a dangerously high level of sodium, which might explain the seizure, but then again, it might not. The fetus' vitals have been erratic, and I can't find an obvious cause. She has traces of a sedative in her system, but nothing that would explain fetal distress of this magnitude," he said, showing her the medical evidence he had put together. Dr. Baker studied the documentation in front of her. It took her several minutes to spot it, but once she did, it practically slapped her across the face.

"My God," she said in horror. "I think I know what happened."

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Dr. Scott listened patiently as Dr. Baker explained her theory. It made sense, in the grand scheme of things, and it was the only thing that explained all of Olivia's symptoms.

"Given the nature of her condition, and your familiarity with both the patient and her condition, I think it only makes sense for you to take on this case, Doctor," Dr. Scott said, after several moments of silence.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Dr. Baker said as they completed the necessary forms to transfer Olivia from Dr. Scott's care to Dr. Baker's. Dr. Baker quickly made arrangements for her caseload at the clinic to be covered so that she could be at the hospital.

"Doctors," the nurse that introduced the pair said, rapping softly on the door. "Olivia Tutuola is awake."

XxXxX

Olivia's head was roaring in pain as she opened her eyes to harsh white lights and insistent beeping of equipment around her. The basement she had been confined in was dark and dingy, and she was confused. She knew she wasn't in the basement anymore, but she couldn't figure out where exactly she was. She whimpered slightly from the throbbing pain.

"Liv? Hey…" Elliot said, leaning forward in the chair that had been placed next to her bedside and taking one of her hands into both of his. The cramped emergency bay didn't give them much room, or privacy, but he had insisted on staying by her side until he was sure she understood what was happening to her.

"Elliot? Where am I?" she asked, in a dazed confusion.

"You're in the hospital. You had a seizure and scared the hell out of us," he answered. Gradually, Olivia's memory started putting pieces together.

"Tina?" she asked, her eyes widening in fear.

"She's fine, Liv. She's fine. I just saw her. She has a high fever, but she's upstairs in pediatrics. The doctor said it's already starting to come down. She's going to be fine," Elliot said. He wasn't going to lie to her, but he didn't want to worry her, either. She needed to know that her child was in the hospital, but that it was in no way life threatening.

"El, they took her away from me. Is she…did they…" she asked, wanted to know if her child had been assaulted in any way, but unable to form the words.

"No, Liv. No. Other than a severe case of the flu, the doctors found nothing out of the ordinary," he said. He left out Tina's bald head. Hair would grow back and the small cuts would heal. He could tell Olivia about that when she was a little stronger.

Olivia closed her eyes in relief and tried to bring up her most recent memories. She remembered being strapped to the bed, and Elliot coming to her rescue, and…and…there was something else. She held her eyes closed and a tear slid down her cheek as she remembered the gunshot.

"My husband's dead," she said, swallowing the sobs threatening to spring forward. Elliot grasped her hand tighter.

"He's not, Liv." Olivia opened her eyes, and hope filled her so much that she could hardly breathe.

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

"He had surgery, and he's in ICU until he's through the worst of it, but it was a clean shot. He'll make a full recovery," Elliot said. "And you should know, Adam Colin was pronounced dead, and Joseph Colin has been taken into custody. We can deal with the rest later, after you're feeling a little better." Relief washed over Olivia. Her husband and child were going to make a full recovery. Her family was still intact.

"Elliot, I…" Olivia began, but was interrupted by a familiar woman in a white coat.

"Welcome back, Olivia. How are you feeling?" Dr. Baker asked, pulling the curtains around the bed in some semblance of privacy.

"I've felt better," Olivia said, grateful to see her regular obstetrician instead of a stranger. "But, I don't like the look on your face." Dr. Baker swallowed before she spoke.

"I wish I had better news for you," Dr. Baker began. Olivia's heart dropped into her stomach. "I've gone over and over your case, and I've been keeping a close on the baby's vital signs. There's only one cause that explains everything you've experienced."

"The…the baby's ok, though…right?" Olivia asked. She gripped Elliot's hand tighter, almost as if she could draw healthy energy out of him and channel it to the tiny life inside her.

"Olivia, the injection you received while you were being held captive was a concentrated salt solution. That's what caused your seizure. It's an old abortion method that essentially poisons the fetus, but it poses dangers to the mother's central nervous system," Dr. Baker said gravely.

"What?" Olivia breathed. She hadn't been able to focus on what Dr. Baker had said beyond the word 'abortion.' A few times now, she had expected to hear that she miscarried, but this…this was something different. "Can you save the baby?" One look at Dr. Baker's face, and Olivia already knew the answer.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia," Dr. Baker said softly.

"NO…ELLIOT!" Olivia cried, burying her face in Elliot's chest. Her body heaved as she was overcome by sobs of grief. Dr. Baker stood patiently. She had expected this sort of reaction, and her training told her not to say anything more until Olivia was calmer.

"It's ok, Liv. It's ok," Elliot said softly, as she cried into his shirt while he stroked her hair. Elliot turned his attention back to Dr. Baker while he continued to try to soothe an inconsolable Olivia.

"What happens next, Doc?" he asked.

"She'll go into labor within the next two days. I'm having her admitted to maternity, and I'll perform the delivery myself," Dr. Baker explained.

"Do you really have to put her through that?" Elliot asked. "Isn't there a more humane way?"

"If it becomes necessary, we can deliver the baby surgically, but given the damage to her nervous system as well as everything else she's been through, the safest thing to do is to let nature take its course. I know it seems cruel, but it poses the least amount of risk to Olivia," Dr. Baker explained. The sight of the brunette, so obviously heartbroken, in front of her was making it more and more difficult for her to keep her own emotions in check. And yet, this was her job, and she would do it, with the same finesse and grace she had every day.

"Olivia, you should know that only someone who knew what they were doing could have pulled this off," Dr. Baker said. And something about that statement jarred Olivia's memory.

"It- it was Black!" Olivia sobbed, still not moving from the comforting embrace of her partner as she wrapped one arm around her slightly swollen stomach. "Sh- she did this! She killed my baby!" Baker narrowed her eyes in confusion, her mouth parting in astonishment slightly.

"What do you mean?" Baker asked stoicly.

"Doc- Doctor Black sa- said she was just taking a sample for an Amino!" the brunette cried. "I- I should have fought her more!"

"This wasn't your fault, Liv," Elliot whispered softly, but knowing that no matter what he said, Olivia would continue to blame herself.

"I should have struggled harder! I shouldn't have let her do this to me!"

Dr. Baker licked her suddenly dry lips, struggling to keep the furious blinding fury from her voice so that Olivia didn't think that she was angry at her, which she wasn't. She was angry at her friend and partner, Victoria Black. Baker always knew there something wasn't quite right about her. She had an icy cold exterior, even when making friendly chat with her and other members of the staff, but she was friendly nonetheless and a talented physician to boot. Plus she had provided a large amount of the start up costs to open the Manhattan Family Clinic, which Baker had dreamt about since before she entered medical school.

"Olivia, I promise to get to the bottom of this," Baker told her as soft as she could in her anger. "And if you want a new physician I completely understand." Olivia shook her head, still not lifting it from Elliot's chest that was we from her tears. Olivia trusted her beyond words, plus she had delivered Tina and had worked valiantly to protect every one of her pregnancies. She knew Baker knew just as much about the cold deadly secrets that Victoria Black held as Olivia did.

"I need to see my family," she cried. "Please let me see them."

"Of course," Baker told her with a nod of the head. She knew Olivia was supposed to stay in bed, but her plea or such a simple thing broke the woman's heart and as long as her husband and daughter was up for visitors, she would make sure her patients request was granted. "Let me get you admitted and I'll see what you can do."

Not even bothering with a comforting grin that would have given her no comfort, Dr Baker left the room. After witnessing Olivia's reaction to the news in person, she headed up towards the roof. She needed a smoke…

XxXxX

"I thought you quit," Dr. Tanner said, approaching Dr. Baker as she gazed out over the city from the rooftop. Dr. Baker exhaled a puff of smoke, mingling with her own misted breath.

"I did. Three years ago. And after seeing what I saw in there, I just…" She placed the cigarette between her lips and inhaled deeply, letting the words hang in the air. Dr. Tanner sighed.

"Do you have any more of those?" she asked. Dr. Baker scoffed, reached in her pocket and handed her friend the pack of Newports and a Bic lighter.

"I didn't think you smoked," Dr. Baker said.

"I get that a lot. I quit six months ago, but, yeah," she said, lighting the end of her own cigarette. "How's Olivia?"

"About to go through the worst hell of her life. Tina?" she asked.

"The flu went unchecked. Her fever spiked, and I really don't like the sound of her cough. I just ordered a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia. How a child can practically die from the flu anymore baffles me," Dr. Tanner said.

"You'll pull her through. You're a good doctor," Dr. Baker said.

"So, what's going on with Olivia?" Dr. Tanner asked. Dr. Baker closed her eyes, and for a moment thought she might actually cry. She rarely did, but she genuinely liked Olivia, and she couldn't comprehend how or why this was happening to her. She stamped out her cigarette and lit a fresh one before she spoke.

"Any other doctor would have missed it. Did you know I was in the Peace Corps after medical school?" Dr. Baker asked. Dr. Tanner nodded. She had heard some of the Peace Corps stories. "I spent a considerable amount of time in Africa, and sometimes, refugees came to the clinic. Women, who had been raped by soldiers and were now pregnant. Or women who were so poor, having a baby meant its certain death. Whatever the circumstances, they would beg for help." Dr. Tanner had seen women come to the Manhattan Family Clinic seeking abortions, and she knew that Dr. Baker was pro-choice and performed them herself at the clinic.

"Over there, we didn't have the luxury of expensive drugs or common conveniences. Even simple things, like refrigeration, were obstacles for us. But, there's a low-cost method that's commonly used under those conditions. You never see it here anymore because we have drugs that are more effective and less dangerous to the mother," Dr. Baker said.

"What method?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"Salt poisoning." Dr. Baker took another hit of her cigarette before continuing. "You extract 50-250 milliliters of amniotic fluid and replace it with an equivalent amount of a salt solution. It acts as a corrosive agent and poisons the fetus. The mother goes into labor within two days, and the entire thing is over. But, there's a risk to the mother's central nervous system, should the salt solution enter her bloodstream," Dr. Baker explained.

"And a seizure would certainly indicate CNS damage," Dr. Tanner concluded.

"It makes sense. It's the only thing that makes sense. She has two puncture wounds on her abdomen, directly over her uterus. Her sodium levels were dangerously high, and the fetus was in distress, plus she had a grand mal seizure. Her tox screen is negative for any of the usual drugs that would have caused that sort of fetal distress," Dr. Baker concluded.

"Wait, did you say _was_ in distress?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"Yeah. We lost the heartbeat about twenty minutes ago," Dr. Baker said glumly.

"I'm sorry. I know how much Olivia wanted another child. She was so concerned about Tina's illness affecting the baby when she brought Tina in," Dr. Tanner said.

"Oh, it gets worse," Dr. Baker said. Dr. Tanner furrowed her brow. "Guess who murdered the baby?"

"I'm not sure I want to know…" Dr. Tanner said, bracing herself for the next bomb.

"Victoria," Dr. Baker told her.

"Victoria…_Black?_" Dr. Tanner asked in utter shock and disbelief. "What are you going to do?" Dr. Tanner was a staff member at the clinic, not a partner, so she had absolutely no standing in matters of this kind.

"I can't let an accusation of this magnitude slide by. I'm convening an emergency board meeting, and we'll take it from there. If the investigation proves that she willingly and knowingly performed an abortion without the mother's consent and without sufficient medical evidence that pregnancy would endanger the life of the mother, I have no choice but to report her to the State Medical Board," Dr. Baker said, processing her own thoughts outloud.

After a few long moments, Dr. Tanner spoke again. "You know, I never thought I'd hear you describe an abortion as murder," said Dr. Tanner, still surprised that her exceedingly pro-choice friend had used a very pro-life term.

Dr Baker shook her head before she exhaled a puff of gray smoke. "This wasn't an abortion, it was murder. An abortion is for consenting women who want to terminate a pregnancy that they either didn't want or would endanger themselves or the fetus. Olivia wanted this baby more than anything and there was no evidence to suggest it would harm Olivia's life or it was sick. Whoever did this; whether it was Victoria or not, took a life unwillingly and without consent. That's not a choice; that's murder."

"Why would anyone risk their career like that? What could she possibly have against Olivia or her baby?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"I don't know, but I intend to find out," Dr. Baker said.

XxXxX

Munch walked into Tina's room with the large plastic bag in his hand. He hoped that the two objects inside might provide some semblance of comfort to the sick toddler. Like Elliot, he too stopped at the sight of the sleeping child surrounded by the machines and cold packs trying to keep her temperature down. Sitting at Tina's bedside, who looked like he had seen better days, and he was gently stroking her hand while her breaths came in short, crackling gasps.

"How... how she doing?" Munch asked, his voice cracking at the last syllable.

"She still can hardly breathe, and she's still burning up. The doctor ordered a chest X-ray to see if she has pneumonia, but thankfully, she doesn't," Ken answered. Then he turned back towards his sister. "The doc said she's getting better, but I don't see it."

"She is," Munch told him, refusing to believe the girl that had won over his heart the moment he first laid eyes on her could possibly be getting any worse. "You gotta believe that." Ken nodded at Munch's advice before his stomach rumbled noisily. "Go get something to eat," Munch told him, "I'll stay with her."

"I'm fine," Ken told him, his growling stomach announced his lie.

"Sounds like your stomach as different ideas," Munch said as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a handful of bills. "I'll buy, you fly."

"Really, I'm fine," Ken insisted. Munch looked over his darkened glasses at his partner's son who shifted guiltily in his spot.

"Go."

With a heavy sigh Ken took the cash and stood up from his chair. He leaned down and kissed Tina's forehead lightly before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Munch took his spot just as Tina's eyes flickered open.

"Hey, Tina," he said with a soft smile. How ya feelin'?"

"Where's Ken?" she asked, her voice low and raspy.

"He went to go get something to eat, but I promise I won't leave your side until he comes back," he told her as he gently took her tiny hand in his. Tina coughed, and Munch winced at the harshness of it. When she was done tears filled her eyes as she looked over at Munch. "I want my mommy," she told him, repeating the plea she had given any and every adult who had come into her room.

"I know you do, Sweetie," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "And I promise you can see her soon." Munch wasn't sure in any degree what so ever if this was the case, but if he could give her a tiny bit of false hope for even a little while, he would do it.

Seeming satisfied with that answer, Tina leaned back in her bed and Munch gave her a saddened smile before he reached in the bag and pulled out one of the two items.

"I had someone pick this up for you," he told her as he showed her the familiar, tattered pink thermal blankie she had slept with since the day she was born. It was the very blanket Olivia had brought to the hospital to bring her daughter home in. Tina reached for it immediately and held it close to her chest so that her fingers could dance along the soft fabric.

"Better?" Tina only responded with a weak nod before she stuck her thumb in her mouth.

"Good," said Munch as he grabbed her hand and gave her a short lived smile. With his free hand he reached in the bag and pulled out a brightly colored book and showed the cover to Tina.

"Feel like reading our special story?" Another nod was her only answer once more but just seeing the cover seemed to bring back some of Tina's strength. Her eyes got a tad bit brighter, she sat up a hair more and Munch was sure the makings of a smile shone on her face. Munch grinned at the response before he opened the book so it faced the young girl he loved like his own.

"Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches had bellies with stars," he began as he showed her the pictures. "The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars. Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small. You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all. But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches would brag, 'We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.' With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort, 'We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!' And, whenever they met some, when they were out walking, they'd hike right on past them without even talking. When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball, could a Plain Belly get in the game? Not at all. You only could play if your bellies had stars and the Plain-Belly children had none upon thars."

With every flip of the page, Munch turned and saw that Tina was fighting against the sleepiness that overwhelmed her so she could listen to their story. And finally, just as he finished the last rhyme, Tina's eyes closed and she fell back against the pillow. "I love you, Uncle Munch," she muttered sleepily. Munch paused for a moment before he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Tina," he whispered just as softly, and meaning the four words with all his heart.

XxXxX

"No!" Joseph Colin screamed, desperately trying, and failing, to hold back a sob as the cops who were taking him to Central Booking told him what exactly had happened to his brother. "You're lying! You're fucking lying! Where is he?"

"He fired his weapon on an unarmed, innocent man. The officers had no choice but to fire, Sir. I'm sorry," said the cop dryly, not meaning a word of what he said, knowing full well what he said.

"Liar!" Joseph roared as a sob ripped past his lips. "My brother isn't dead! He's not fucking dead! Get the fuck off me!" Neither listened to him and instead simply opened the door to the cell and threw him in there, locking it behind him. Joseph simply collapsed on the ground, thankful they hadn't thrown him in with some degenerate spic or nigger and sobbed for his brother; his one and only friend apart from Victoria, who had been the only person who still believed in him after he received his dishonorable discharge.

Finally he collected himself enough to begin to think straight. He wiped his eyes and his thoughts turned at once to revenge. That fucking traitor whore and her nigger family was to blame for Adam's murder. It was their fault some liberal, nigger-loving, faggot pig murdered his brother. If both had just stuck to their own kinds, none of this would have happened!

Joseph's fists clenched so hard he felt blood running down his palms. He was going to make sure he got out of this hell hole of a prison, and he would make them pay. What he did to the 'family', and he used that term in the loosest sense possible, in the basement would be nothing compared to what he would do to them afterwards. The pain he caused them would be mere child's play in terms of what was to come.

A cruel grin overtook his face. He would make them pay alright. He would make them pay with their very lives…

_**We'll get into Dr. Black's sordid past soon…I know she's still a mystery here. **_

_**And I'd like to comment on a review before I sign off. A reader seemed to be under the implication that I wrote Olivia enjoying being raped by Adam. Let me dispel this now. NOT TRUE. AT ALL. What happened with that was that her body reacted, on a purely physical level, to what he was doing to her. It *is* possible for a victim to orgasm during a rape, and in fact, there are rapists who get off on that sort of thing. Just because an orgasm is present doesn't make it any less painful or traumatic…in fact, some would argue it's worse. Seriously, go look at my profile. I know something about this subject.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter **27

Ken walked down the hall of the maternity ward, knowing Tina was in safe hands with Fin's partner, his heart pounding hard against his chest. He knew it was wrong to want to see Olivia before his own father, but he just couldn't face him. Not yet. Not after Fin let those bastards get their hands on his baby sister and stepmother. Ken slowed down as he reached Olivia's room, and he hesitated for a long moment before he took a deep breath and forced himself to walk in the room.

His heart broke at the sight in front of him. Olivia was lying on her bed while silent tears ran slowly down her pale, bruised face. Elliot was sitting at her bedside and had an endearing grasp on her hand that she seemed to barely register. Neither detective noticed his presence after several long moments, so he cleared his throat politely. Both turned towards the sound, and Elliot gave him a look of confusion while Olivia managed a weak teary smile.

"I thought you were staying with Tina," Elliot said as Ken stood in the doorway.

"Munch is with her," he answered to Elliot's satisfaction. As much as Elliot, who was her legal guardian in case anything happened to her parents, hated admitting it, out of everyone in the squad outside of her parents, Munch was clearly Tina's favorite.

Ken gave him a brief smile before he turned to Olivia, and his smile faltered no matter how hard he tried to keep it.

"How you doing, Liv?" he asked, trying to sound genuine, but his own voice seemed hollow. Olivia opened her mouth to speak before she shut it again. After several long moments she turned to Elliot.

"Can you go tell Tina I'll be up in a little while please?" Elliot, recognizing the 'get out' behind the request nodded and got up from the chair, leaving it vacant for Ken to sit beside her.

"Do you want me to bring you back anything?" he asked as he turned towards her.

"Could you... could you get me a hot fudge sundae and a handful of salt packets?" she asked as a new round of tears began to fall. His face fell and he felt a hard lump form in his throat. Her baby might have been dead but she was still craving what her child wanted. Ken narrowed his eyes in confusion for a moment before they widened and his mouth fell agape.

"Oh my God," he breathed, his eyes traveling to her stomach, knowing the sweet and salty food she craved when she was pregnant almost as much as Fin did. He thought he could see a slight roundness to her belly, but perhaps it was just a trick of the lights or wishful thinking. Elliot acknowledged her request before he turned and left the two alone.

"Liv, are you... you're pregnant again?" he asked, his face lighting up at the news. "Congratulations!" Tears flooded her eyes, and his smile fell at once. Usually even when the word 'baby' was mentioned her eyes would light up. Why did that word only bring tears now?

"What happened?" he asked, his voice grim. "What did they do to you?" Olivia shook her head.

"You don't need to know that," she said firmly.

"Olivia..."

"No," she said with a tone that signified that no matter how much he pleaded, his question would remain unanswered. "You don't need those nightmares in your head."

Ken held back a sign and instead nodded as he sat down besides her. "So... so are you pregnant or...?"

"Technically, yes, "she said as tears fell down her face. "But I lost the baby," she told him, her voice hardly above a whisper. Ken's face fell and a hard lump formed in his throat.

"Oh God, Liv, I'm so sorry. Was it another miscarriage?" Olivia nodded, not wanting Ken to have the more graphic version that she had been given.

"Yeah," she lied. Ken may have been her stepson, but she still felt the same maternal desire to protect him that she felt with Tina. Miscarriage, illegal abortion…either way, the outcome was the same. And that was all Ken needed to know.

Ken nodded but still a question lingered that he wasn't about to voice to her. If she had lost the baby, why was she still craving her normal pregnancy food? Instead he simply reached out and held her hand.

"I'm sorry. I know how much you and Fin wanted another baby," he said with absolute sincerity.

"It wasn't your fault," she told him as she tried to smile at him but found it difficult to get her muscles to move that way. "Have you visited your dad yet?" Ken shifted guiltily in his chair. The guilt wasn't from the fact that he hadn't seen his father. No, he still blamed Fin for not protecting his family. It was because Olivia hated when the two ignored one another. She hated it equally as much when Fin ignored or got mad at Ken for him bringing up a past he couldn't control as much as when Ken would ignore or get into a fight with his father because he had never tried or made an effort when he could.

"He needs you right now, Ken," she told him after several moments of silence confirming her suspicions that he hadn't seen his father.

"He has you," Ken countered, hating that he was sounding argumentative with her. "He doesn't want me." That wasn't true, but he didn't want to tell Olivia that it was Ken that didn't want to see him because of what he had put Olivia and Tina through. Olivia bit her lip to hold back the tears for a long moment. She didn't want to tell Ken that she was far too ashamed to face her husband, who she feared would never be able to look at her again without thinking of the horrid vile things she had been forced to go though. He'd never want to see her again...

"He needs his son," was all she said, and like Elliot had done a few minutes beforehand, Ken understood that to mean their conversation was over. Ken nodded and gave her a sad smile.

"So besides for... everything that's happened, how you been?" Olivia couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, marred by tears.

"All things considered not well at all, but thank you for the gesture." And despite the enormous pain that was slowly ripping her heart to shreds every moment that her dead child lay inside her, the makings of a smile graced her lips. 

XxXxX

Fin slowly blinked open his eyes and for a moment confusion seized him. All he could see was a bright white light, yet he still felt pain shooting through his arm, heard people talking, and heard low steady beeps of equipment all around him. Only one comprehensive thought ran rampant in his mind.

"Liv," he groaned softly.

"Oh, of course," a familiar voice that seemed to cut through all other muffled noises and sounds said with a false air of jealously. "Ask for the white chick woman instead of the Jew who's been sitting by your beside for an entire hour already. I knew having Republican for a friend would bite me in the ass one day."

Fin's eyes shot open and he quickly looked over and saw Munch sitting in the chair by his bed.

"John!" Fin cried as he shot up, ignoring the pain that was shooting up and down his arm, and threw his arms around his partner, using the name he so rarely used when describing the man before him. "I'm so happy to see you, Man!" Munch embraced Fin just as tight and clapped him on the back.

"We aren't in the desert anymore; you've got a wife you can love like this." Fin released the embrace and studied Munch's eyes, trying to find some hint of a lie that Olivia wasn't okay.

"Olivia? She's okay? When can I see her? How's Tina?" he asked in rapid succession, not giving Munch a chance to answer him before he asked another.

"They're both fine," he told him. _Only a partial lie,_ Munch thought bitterly, not quite sure how to bring up the subject that Elliot had asked him to tell Fin about.

Elliot had explained Olivia's condition to Munch, and both agreed that since Olivia was in no shape to repeat what had happened to their baby, Munch would, unfortunately, be the best man for the job of breaking the horrid news to his best friend.

"Wa... Was Tina-?" Fin began, not being able to complete the thought that terrified him beyond anything.

"No. The only thing that's wrong with her is her flu went unchecked and she spiked a fever, but it's coming down, and she's going to be okay." Like Elliot, he too left out the fact that their daughter was now bald. He didn't need to deal with that now, not when Munch was betting the news he was about to relay to Fin would be the worst in his life.

A grin broke out on Fin's face.

"My family's okay. My girls are gonna be fine. What about the baby?" he asked, and Munch's heart sank as low as it could. "Is John okay too?"

Munch opened his mouth to speak but the words that Fin said halted him. He looked down at his partner, who simply smiled at him, and his heart shattered into smaller pieces then he ever thought possible.

"Fin, I'm... I'm honored," Munch told him honestly. "But... but there's something you need to know about the baby. It's not good." All at once the atmosphere in the room did a one-eighty. Any trace of a smile disappeared from Fin's face replaced with anxiety and horror.

"What? What happened? Is my son okay?" Munch closed his eyes behind the dark shades as tears threatened to leak out from behind them.

"Fin, the baby... the baby didn't make it. I'm so sorry," Munch said as his voice cracked, hating that those words weren't the end of the news.

"Wa- was it another- another miscarriage?" asked Fin, his own voice breaking at the end but he quickly cleared his throat to try to regain some composure. Munch shook his head and Fin's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"The... The way the doctors told me," he began, not wanting Fin to get upset over the fact Elliot knew about Fin's child dying before him, "was someone injected Olivia with a large amount of a salt solution that poisoned the baby. She- she's going to go into labor in about a day or two to deliver him." Fin's eyes flew open as an unquenchable rage overtook him.

"They injected her with something. They put one needle in her arm and two in her stomach! That fucking cunt murdered my son!"

"Take it easy," Munch pleaded, already having been filled in thanks to Elliot on who Olivia had accused. "I know how hard this is but-."

"No!" Fin shouted, his voice cracking at the end. "No you don't know how hard this is! They murdered my child!"

"Fin-."

"I need to see Olivia," he muttered as he wiped his wet eyes on his sleeve.

"You can't."

"The hell I can't!" he spat bitterly as he threw the hospital blanket off of him. "My wife needs me right now!"

"You need to rest. You were just shot."

"I don't give a fuck!" Fin roared. "I need to be with my wife!" Before he had even sat all the way up, the pain became too much and he clutched his shoulder, crying out in pain.

"You'll see her later," Munch promised him as he gently pushed him back down into the bed. "But right now you're doing no one any favors by running off with your arm the way it is." Fin turned towards the windows, his hands clenched tight into iron fists.

"Get out," he muttered far too soft for Munch to hear.

"I didn't hear you. What'd you-?"

"I said get the fuck out!" he bellowed so loudly that Munch took several steps backwards.

Fin turned back towards the wall, his chest heaving with unfallen tears and unscreamed cries of agony he wanted to scream as loud as his vocal cords would let him. Munch stared long and hard at him for several moments before he turned and headed out of the room, gently shutting the door behind him.

The moment Fin heard the door latch he collapsed against his pillow, his chest heaving, his eyes shut so tight he was causing him pain as he fought to hold back his tears that so desperately wanted to escape him.

He bit his lip so hard he drew blood. His fists shook to the point that was beyond his control. He wanted to scream and collapse onto the floor and weep until his body had no more tears left to fall. This wasn't Science or other nature that had taken his child away from him like the last two times. This was murder. Cold-blooded murder done by three monsters who only targeted his family was because they were a different race.

Fin's eyes shot open as a picture of a smiling happy little boy a shade lighter than him and Tina came into view with Olivia's eyes. A vision he knew he'd never get to become a reality…

XxXxX

Olivia felt suddenly nervous as the nurse rolled her down the brightly colored hallway of the wing that housed the pediatric unit. She noticed the crayon drawings their patients had done lining the walls, drawings like those in her own squadroom done by those who had learned the cruelty of the world far too early in life.

Her breath hitched slightly as they rolled her in front of Tina's room. She could hear the steady sounds of medical equipment coming from it, and her hands began to sweat.

The nurse rolled her into the room where Munch was waiting next to Tina's bed looking thoroughly downtrodden as he stared down at the floor. He looked up, however when they heard the nurse roll Olivia in. He got up at once and walked over to her.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," he said as he began to reach in for a hug, but quickly stopped when he noticed her flinch as he raised his arms in front of her. Immediately realizing what she did, she began profusely apologizing.

"I'm sorry!" she breathed. "I- I didn't mean-!"

"Liv, it's fine," he said with a understanding smile. "Hell, I haven't showered in four days; I wouldn't want to hug me either."

"We've only been missing for three."

"Exactly my point," he said, raising a knowing eyebrow. Olivia mustered the best grin she had, which was barely a grimace, at her friend's joke before she looked towards the bed where her daughter was sleeping, but Munch stepped in front of her.

"What?" Olivia asked, suddenly terrified that everyone had been lying to her about her getting better. "What's wrong? Why can't I see her?" Munch took a deep breath and bent down so he was on her level.

"She's alive, her fever's breaking, she wasn't raped or assaulted, and aside from a few bruises she's physically fine. Just remember how lucky you are she's all those things," he told her gently.

"What did they do to her?" Olivia cried as she tried to see around Munch, but was he was faster than her for the first time in his career.

"Just remember that, Olivia," he said softly before he moved out of the way and allowed Olivia to see her daughter for the first time since Adam and Joseph had taken her away.

The brunette gasped in horror, and her eyes filled with tears as her eyes fell on a sleeping Tina's bald and cut head.

"Those bastards," she breathed as tears streamed down her face. The nurse rolled her closer to the bed and Olivia couldn't help the sob that ripped past her lips.

"Liv, her hair will grow back," Munch assured her softly, but that wasn't anywhere close to the reason why she was sobbing. She pictured her young daughter alone and frightened more than she ever been in her life already, waking up without her parents in the locked closet where they found her. She pictured her screaming out for Olivia to help her as one of the monsters hacked away at her hair with a menacing straight edged razor, and Olivia had been oblivious to all of it.

"I'm so sorry, Tina," Olivia whispered so softly she wasn't sure she had even spoken. She reached out and ran her hand over Tina's bare scalp before she gently took her hand and stroked the back of it. She stayed that way for several minutes, simply staring down into her sleeping daughter's face, afraid that if she were to even make a sound she would discover that having her daughter here, safe in front of her, would be nothing more than a dream, and she would wake up in her dungeon once more.

Finally her eyes traveled to the pink blanket clutched firmly in Tina's left hand. After years of keeping track of this single object that her daughter couldn't sleep without, she recognized it immediately.

"Who brought her blankie?" she asked; her voice barely above a hushed whisper.

"I did," Munch, who had no plans anytime soon to leave the room, told her. "I thought she could use a few comforts from home. Olivia nodded in agreement before she placed the back of her hand on her forehead and let out a tiny sigh of relief. They may have lied to her about the shaved head but no one was lying about her fever going steadily down. A tiny moan brought her full undivided attention back to Tina's face though.

"Tina," Olivia began softly. "Honey, can you hear me?" Tina's eyes opened a crack and they fell on Olivia who let out a cry of joy when Tina finally awoke, and the young girl's eyes met their mirror image.

"Mommy!" Tina cried out as loud as she could through her sore throat before she flew up and wrapped her arms tight around Olivia's neck, sobs immediately flew past both pairs of lips. The pain of Tina's hard grasp on Olivia's marred skin shot through her, but for the first time, she barely noticed it.

"I missed you so much and they wouldn't let me see you!" Tina sobbed as she held on tighter. "Don't ever leave me again, Mommy! Please!" she begged as a violent hacking cough overcame her. "Please don't leave!"

"I won't," Olivia told her, her own voice laced with tears. "Baby, I promise I won't. Never again. Calm down, okay? Calm down, Baby." They stayed that way for several minutes before Tina finally released the hug and sat back down on the bed. Her vicious cough, for the moment, had subsided.

"Do we have to go back to the bad place?" Tina whispered with a hint of fear, saving the question that had plagued her mind ever since she first woke up, but would only accept an answer from Olivia.

"No," Olivia told her without a single hint of doubt and with such authority that Tina had no choice but to believe her. "We're never going back there again."

"But, but they said that was my new home."

"They're liars, Tina," Olivia said. "Every single word they spoke was a lie. Don't believe a word they said, okay?" Finally satisfied with the answer Tina leaned back into her pillow, almost wincing at the unusual feeling of the soft pillow on skin that had never been exposed as far as she could remember. Olivia noticed and ran a hand over her daughter's bald head as if she was running her fingers through her hair.

"Don't," Tina told her defiantly as she pushed Olivia's hands away. Olivia complied before Tina let out a yawn and her brown eyes began to close.

"Do I love you because you're beautiful," Olivia began to sing Tina's favorite song from her favorite movie softly as she gently covered her back up with the thin hospital blanket. "Or are you beautiful because I love you? Am I making believe I see in you a girl too lovely to be really true?" A content, happy smile grew on Tina's face. With the pink blankie grasped firmly in her right fist, she popped the thumb into her mouth and grabbed onto Olivia's hospital gown with her left. As Olivia continued to sing, Tina fell back into a dreamless sleep, the soft sung words that Olivia had sung to her filling her with a joy that set the young girl's world at ease.

XxXxX

"Hey."

Fin turned towards the familiar voice and when he laid eyes on the speaker, he managed just something above a weak grin.

"Hey, Ken," Fin greeted with a smile. "How you doing?"

Ken shrugged as he shut the door behind him and walked in, his face void of any emotion, the same expression he always had with Fin before Olivia had brought the two together. Or at least closer then what they were. Fin noticed it too and any remnants of a smile fell.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," Ken answered. "Look, Olivia asked me to stop by, so…here I am," he said, unsure of what else to say. In spite of everything that had happened, Fin chuckled.

"Yeah, well, that's Olivia. You know how she hates to see us get into it with each other," Fin said. "Look, you don't have to stay. I'll tell her you stopped by, and you can consider yourself officially off the hook."

"Yeah, ok. Hey, listen…I'm sorry about the miscarriage," Ken said. Fin's eyes narrowed.

"What miscarriage?" Fin asked.

"Olivia told me she had a miscarriage. Thanks for telling me she was pregnant, by the way," Ken threw in sarcastically. Unable to stand talking to his father any longer, Ken took off down the hallway, heading back to pediatrics so that he could be with Tina.

Fin sighed. There were some thing Ken just didn't need to know.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Olivia wiped the palms of her hands on her hospital gown, trying to get rid of some of the excess moisture as the nurse rolled her wheelchair past the entrance of the ICU.

"Stop," Olivia said, her breath coming in short gasps. The nurse pushed the wheelchair to the side of the hallway and paused.

"Are you ok, Mrs. Tutuola?" she asked, recognizing the signs of anxiety in her patient.

"I don't think I can do this," Olivia said, gripping the arms of the chair so tightly her knuckles were turning white.

"Ok, well, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can go back to your room, if you like, but I'm sure your husband would be very happy to see you," the nurse explained patiently. How could Olivia explain to the nurse what she was feeling? How could she tell her that she felt so ruined that she was certain her husband wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her? And yet, she still wanted him by her side, more than ever. Olivia took a few deep breaths to calm herself before she asked the nurse to continue.

As they rounded the corner, Olivia got her first sight of Fin. His shoulder was covered in layers of gauze and medical tape, and his arm was in a sling. His face was peppered with the remnants of the beating that had knocked him out just before they branded her, but he was sitting up, flipping through the channels on the TV. He seemed almost like he was before all of this happened. Fin picked up on the movement outside his room, and when he turned his eyes towards the doorway, Olivia looked like an absolute angel to him. Even with all of the physical marks on her, wrapped in a hospital gown and seated in a wheelchair, she looked perfect and radiant. He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face, and he immediately shut the TV off.

"Olivia," he breathed, almost as if he couldn't believe she was actually here. The nurse wheeled Olivia over to Fin's bedside. Fin reached out and, with the lightest touch possible, ran the tips of his fingers across her cheek. Olivia closed her eyes and leaned in to his touch, turning her head slightly to kiss his palm.

"Why don't I give you two some privacy," the nurse said politely, disappearing into the hallway.

"You're ok," he said, as if her presence was what made him truly believe what he had previously been told. "I heard a second gunshot, and I thought…I thought…" he bit his lip to stop the flood of emotions that surged forth at the relief of seeing his beloved wife. Olivia shook her head.

"It wasn't me. One of the officers fired on Adam," she said softly.

"Is he…" Fin asked, searching her eyes.

"Yes, he's dead," she told him. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. His hand had moved from her cheek and was now nestled firmly between both of hers.

"Joseph?" Fin asked.

"He's in custody," she told him. Fin sighed and leaned back.

"What about the woman?" he asked after a long period of silence.

"I don't know, but Fin, there's something you should know…about the baby," Olivia began, unsure if she had the strength to tell him what she needed to. She could already feel the tears beginning to pool in her eyes again.

"He didn't make it," Fin said quickly. Confusion raced across Olivia's face.

"It's worse than that," Olivia began again.

"I know, Liv, I know. Baby Girl, you don't have to say it. I already know what the injection was," he said.

"How did you find out?" she asked curiously.

"Munch told me. He explained everything. Oh, Baby, I wanted to see you so badly, but they wouldn't let me," he said.

"I know, and it's ok. We're together now," she said, and the tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Oh, Liv, Baby, we can have another one. We will, Baby, you've gotta believe that," Fin said, moving his hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. This was so typical Fin. He saw a problem, and he wanted to fix it, especially where Olivia was concerned. All he ever wanted was to see her happy. Fin wanted to hold her, but the way they were positioned made it difficult. He moved to the edge of the bed away from her and patted the spot next to him.

"Come up here, Honey," he said softly. And this, this is what she had wanted since the moment Joseph first violated her. She hesitated, mostly in disbelief that he wanted to touch her at all. Sure, he had touched her face and hands, but this was something completely different. What he was asking of her was more intimate than anything they had done so far, and yet, she longed to be in his arms. Searching his face for any sign of hesitation, she found none. She got up from the wheelchair, and gingerly, so as not to cause him pain, squeezed herself onto the tiny space on the hospital bed. Fin had the bed propped up so that he could talk in a sitting position, so she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, while he held her tightly with his good arm. For several moments, all she did was cry while he stroked her hair, whispering to her that it would be ok, and that he loved her.

"Have you seen Tina yet?" he asked, after she had reached a period of calmness again.

"Yeah, I just came from there," she said.

"Munch said she had a high fever," Fin said, trying to coax more information out of her.

"She does, but it's coming down. They have all of this stuff around her trying to cool her off. But Fin…" she said. He knew by the tone in her voice that there was something else. Something no one else had told him about.

"What did they do to her?" he asked protectively. "I swear, if Munch lied to me about her being assaulted in any way…"

"Fin, Fin, stop. No, she wasn't assaulted. Well, at least not the way you think. They shaved her head," Olivia said. "Why would they do that? What purpose could that possibly serve?" She heard him sigh in relief as his head fell back against the pillow again.

"I don't know, Baby Girl, but it's just hair. It'll grow back. She'll never have any permanent reminders of what happened to her," he said. Olivia's mind drifted to the brand that was still healing on her right thigh. Everything Fin could see on her right now would heal, but that mark never would. And before she knew it, another wave of tears was sliding down her cheeks.

"Hey, shhh…it's ok, Baby. We're going to be fine. All three of us," he said, pulling her closer to him.

The nurse who had been escorting Olivia through the hospital waited patiently in the doorway, observing the closeness of the two patients. She had seen Olivia's chart, and she couldn't imagine the kind of grief Olivia must be feeling. They remained oblivious to her as they enjoyed the security of being in each other's arms for the first time since their nightmare began. And yet, Olivia couldn't stay here. She need to be returned to the maternity ward. The nurse cleared her throat softly, gaining the attention of both Olivia and Fin.

"Mrs. Tutuola? I'm afraid it's time to go. Dr. Baker left orders giving you permission to come back in the morning, if you feel up to it," the nurse said kindly, entering the room to help Olivia back into the wheelchair. Olivia wished she could stay with Fin, but she knew that the nurse was only trying to look out for her best interests. Olivia lifted her head a kissed Fin quickly, only to be pulled back into his embrace for a deeper kiss. He was trying to communicate his intentions to her, that as long as they were alive and together, they could get through anything. Before she slid off the bed, she had one more thing to ask.

"Fin, I know it's a lot to ask, but will you be there? When I have the baby?" she asked. Fear crossed her brown eyes and she stared directly into his. He was taken aback.

"If you think that I would miss that, then maybe all of that sugar and salt you've been eating has gone to your brain," he told her, making a pitiful attempt to lighten the mood. He quickly dropped his attempt at joviality. "Of course I'll be there, Baby Girl," he said, tilting her face to look directly at his. "I was there for the end of every other pregnancy, no matter what the outcome was. I'll be there for this one, too." Olivia gave him a weak smile. "I love you," he said, moving a hand to caress her hair for one last time. Olivia slid off the bed and situated herself back into the wheelchair. As she was returning to the maternity ward, her mind raced with thoughts of what was to come, both in the delivery room and after. Maybe one day, soon, she'd be pregnant again…

XxXxX

_**Four and a half years ago,**_

_Olivia sat nervously in the exam room waiting for the doctor. She had taken a home pregnancy test a few days before, and the results were positive, but she wanted a blood test to be sure. She hadn't breathed a word to anyone, including Fin, and she wouldn't until she was absolutely sure the result was positive. The nurse had called and asked her to come in, so here she was, waiting on a paper covered table to find out if all of her dreams were going to come true or if this was just another false hope._

"_Olivia, hi," Dr. Joanne Alrick, Olivia's physician, said. Olivia tried to anticipate the results based on Dr. Alrick's expression, but she wore the same pleasant smile she always did. _

"_I have the results of your blood test," she said, flipping through the chart in front of her. "How long have you and your husband been trying to conceive?"_

"_Since the day we got married, so…about four months," Olivia answered. "I know, I know…it can take a while, but I've been doing everything you suggested and…"_

"_Olivia, stop. You're instincts are spot on. Congratulations, you're pregnant!" Dr. Alrick's smile grew a hundred fold, and Olivia's jaw dropped. Olivia Tutuola was rarely speechless, but in this case, there simply were no words._

"_How…how far along?" Olivia asked, once she discovered how to use her voice again._

"_Well, the test measures your hCB levels, which is a hormone associated with pregnancy. Based on your numbers, I would estimate 4 weeks. I can refer you to an obstetrician, and we can get a few pre-natal visits scheduled. Once you have your first ultrasound, we'll be able to pinpoint exactly where you are in the pregnancy," Dr. Alrick explained. Olivia nodded. "Now, Olivia, I know you've wanted this for a long time, so you know what you're supposed to do to take care of yourself, but I would be negligent if I didn't give you the usual set of instructions."_

"_Let me guess, balanced diet, regular exercise, no overexertion, and no more all-nighters at the precinct," Olivia rattled off jokingly. Dr. Alrick chuckled._

"_Pretty much. And don't take anything, even over the counter, without consulting a doctor first. Just listen to your body, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to call. As for exercise, you can keep doing whatever you've been doing so far, but don't ramp anything up. Trust me, the weight gain will cause your workouts to increase in intensity without any extra effort from you," Dr. Alrick explained. "Do you have any questions?"_

"_No," Olivia said. "I just have to figure out how to tell my husband," she added after a brief pause._

"_I'm sure he'll be thrilled," Dr. Alrick said. She left Olivia alone with her thoughts as she went to attend to other patients. _

Pregnant_, Olivia thought as she walked back towards the precinct. I'm pregnant. The news still hadn't settled. She wasn't sure how Fin would react. Granted, he would be thrilled that their sex life would go back to what it was before they were married instead of what it had become. More than once, he had expressed that he felt like all she wanted from him anymore was his sperm. They didn't have sex when she wasn't ovulating because they wanted his sperm count to be as high as possible when it counted. She had replaced all of his briefs with boxers because it was supposed to make conception easier. She took her temperature several times a day and charted her fertile days. And when the moment actually came, she was strictly missionary position and propped her legs up for thirty minutes afterwards, once again, because it increased the odds of conception._

_And yet, there was a nagging feeling in the back of Olivia's mind that something was off. The more she thought about it, the more she realized exactly what was making her nervous. Fin had married Teresa because she was pregnant with Ken, and he had been deployed a few short months into the pregnancy. The ceremony had been quick and small, essentially to ensure that Teresa and Ken would receive military benefits, which were only accessible to spouses and children. Plus, Tianna had considered Teresa to be the very model of a daughter-in-law, in spite of the pregnancy out of wedlock. Fin had confessed to Olivia that he always felt pushed into that marriage, and his way of coping was to work obscene hours. Eventually, the strain just became too much, and they ended the marriage, but not before he had estranged both Teresa and Ken._

_Fin was determined not to repeat his earlier mistakes with Olivia. He took his time to propose to her, to marry her, and he wanted to take time to have children with her. Olivia practically had to beg him to start actively trying to get pregnant, and eventually, he had relented. Olivia had explained to him that at her age, it would take months, if not years, to have a baby, and she wanted to have one before it was too late. Fin gave in, partly because he knew she was right. The odds were against them. But the real reason was that he could never say no to Olivia for long._

_Olivia walked past a clothing store on her way back, and a sly smile formed on her face as an idea crept into her mind. She ducked in, made her purchase, had it wrapped, and quickly headed back towards the precinct. For the rest of the day, the usual weight of her job seemed a bit lighter. Even though she dealt with two more victims and a suspect, there was a slight spring in her step. The horrors of the world seemed to diminish when she focused on the single, solitary piece of news that changed her entire outlook on life. She was pregnant._

"_What are you so happy about?" Fin asked as they walked home from work that evening. Her earlier purchase was safely tucked inside her oversized purse._

"_What? I can't be happy that I'm heading home on a gorgeous day with my absolutely amazing husband?" Olivia chided. Fin looked up at the overcast sky above. New York was in for another famous East Coast summer thunderstorm. _

"_Liv, have you looked at the sky today?" Fin answered. Olivia looked up, but the smile on her face refused to disappear. She shrugged._

"_I like thunderstorms," she said, innocently enough. Fin knew she was hiding something, but whatever it was was making her happier than he had seen her in a long time, so he let it drop. Olivia reached for his hand and laced her fingers with his as they continued the walk home. _

_Once dinner was eaten (leftovers), and the dishes were done, Olivia figured it was time to let Fin in on her secret._

"_Honey, I picked up a little something for you earlier today," she said, pulling out the wrapped package from her purse. Fin gave her a wary look._

"_What's going on? It's not my birthday, and it's not our anniversary…did I forget something important?" he asked. _

"_What, I can't buy my husband a present just because?" she asked. "You do it for me all the time." Fin sighed. She wasn't going to budge on this. He finally relented and pulled the gift wrap off the present. And that's when the confusion really started._

"_Underwear? You gave me underwear as a 'just because' present?" he asked._

"_Not just any underwear," Olivia clarified. "Briefs. I know you prefer them to the boxers."_

"_But you said that the best way to have a baby was…" and then he stopped cold. She gave him briefs because he didn't need the boxers anymore. Which could only mean one thing. "You're pregnant?" A beaming Olivia nodded in confirmation._

"_That call I went on this morning? There wasn't a call. I went to get the results of a blood test. We're having a baby," she explained._

"_You're absolutely sure? There's no way the test was wrong?" he asked. Secretly, he wanted her to be pregnant, too. He wanted anything that would make her happy, but he hoped that this time, he would have a daughter. A little princess, with his eyes and Olivia's face. She would be perfect in every way._

"_That's why I waited. I took a home test, but I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely sure, but the blood test confirms I'm about four weeks pregnant," Olivia said._

"_Oh, Baby Girl!" Fin exclaimed, lifting her by her waist and twirling her around. "We're having a baby!" _

"_You're not upset, are you? I mean, I know we hadn't planned for this to happen so soon…" Olivia began._

"_Olivia Tutuola, I don't think I've ever been happier about anything else, except perhaps when the minister pronounced us husband and wife," he said, still beaming._

"_You know what else this means, right?" Olivia asked, a sly expression crossing her face and an evil twinkle in her eye._

"_Dare I ask?" Fin replied._

"_We don't have to follow a calendar anymore, and somebody deserves a reward for his patience with his wife," she said saucily, snaking her arms up his chest and locking her hands behind his neck._

"_Oh, I like the sound of that," Fin replied as he looked her up and down with hungry eyes. "Lead the way, Baby Girl." With a sly curl of her lips, she grabbed his hand and led him into the bedroom._

As Olivia lay in her hospital bed, wrapped in the comfort of her memories, her thoughts were interrupted by a soft rap on the door.

"Hi, Olivia, how are you doing this evening?" Dr. Baker asked kindly.

"Fine," Olivia answered, still wanting to be left alone with her thoughts. Her eyes traveled to Dr. Baker's hand, or more specifically, the white box in it.

"I've brought someone with me," Dr. Baker said, motioning to someone out in the hallway. A familiar face stepped through the doorway wearing a blue logoed jacket. "This is…"

"Dana Lewis," Olivia finished.

_**Remember our dear friend Dana Lewis, played by the lovely and talented Marcia Gay Harden? If you need a refresher, go watch Raw, Penetrated, or Infiltrated. What a great character!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Dana, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked, still not believing Federal Agent Dana Lewis was standing in her hospital room.

"You, your husband, and your kid are national news, hun. When I found out who it was that took ya, they just bought a whole case of ass whoopin' from me," Dana answered in her usual Southern drawl. Dana pulled up the vacant visitor's chair and sat down at Olivia's bedside before she turned serious. "You know what I haveta ask you." The words hung in the air as Dana's unasked question hung in the air.

"I don't want a rape kit," Olivia whispered.

"Why? Because you weren't raped, or because you know what the process entails?" Dana probed. "The truth, Olivia." Olivia knew what Dana was doing, because Olivia herself had done this more times than she could count. Dana was trying to play at Olivia's emotions and connect with her to convince her to go through the exam.

"You said you were here because of who the perps were. How are you involved?" Olivia asked.

"I'll answer all of your questions later. Right now, I want to deal with you and how you can help me lock up these bastards for the rest of their natural lives," Dana said. "Now, why don't you want the exam?" Olivia closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillow. She knew the value of the evidence that would be collected in the rape kit. She had made several cases with that very evidence, and it pissed her off when victims refused to go through it. And here she was, refusing it. For the first time, she knew what it felt like to be a victim, and it was a wretched feeling

"The kit won't help you," Olivia said finally. "He used a condom."

"Now, that's bull and you know it. There's still a chance we'll find DNA somewhere else. Saliva, hair samples, a flaw in the condom. Olivia," Dana said, taking her hand. "I need that kit. Please." Meanwhile, Dr. Baker stood silently, watching the scene play out in front of her. Perhaps she should be advocating for her patient's right to refuse, but she wanted everyone involved to face justice. Olivia deserved that, at the very least.

"I can't," Olivia whispered.

"You can. You know you can. You've taken down full grown men twice your size. You've been on the business end of a gun and walked away more than once. You went undercover, moved across the country, and _still_ managed to solve a sex crime when you were supposed to be hunting down eco-terrorists. And you're afraid of a teensy weensy medical exam?" Dana asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's not the Olivia Benson I know."

"Yeah, well, maybe the Olivia Benson you know died in that basement," Olivia snapped

"All right, if I can't convince you, maybe Elliot can. Although, the last time he saw me a stick of dynamite nearly exploded in his hand, so…" Dana said. Olivia thought about what she was saying quickly. Elliot would pester her and badger her until she consented to the exam, and she didn't want to tell him any more than she absolutely had to. It would only make things more painful and complicated.

"Ok, ok…I'll do it. But first, you answer one of my questions," Olivia said.

"That's my girl," Dana said, smiling. She handed Olivia a consent form for the kit. "Sign on the dotted line, and I'll answer any question you wanna ask me." With the consent form in hand, Dr. Baker silently pulled a try over and proceeded to set up the tools for the exam.

"What _are_ you doing here? I thought SVU would be taking this case," Olivia asked.

"Well, like I said, y'all are national news. But, beyond that, do you have any idea where they found you?" Dana asked.

"No, all I ever managed to piece together was that we were out of the city," Olivia said.

"They took you to some God-forsaken part of New Jersey. You crossed stated lines, which makes this…" Dana began. Olivia followed her train of thought right down the path Dana led her.

"A federal case," Olivia finished. Dana nodded.

"And, since we think that the perps come from the same group I infiltrated a few years ago, the Bureau decided it was finally time to crack down on these knuckleheads," Dana explained. "Took them long enough," Dana muttered.

"We were kidnapped by RAW?" Olivia asked, remembering a school shooting that turned out to be racially motivated. Suddenly, the pieces were starting to slide into place, even if she was missing a few.

"It's possible. While you were in the ER, you mentioned the name Victoria Black. Did she assault you in any way?" Tears pricked at Olivia's eyes at the mention of the name. It brought her current circumstances back to the front of her mind. Olivia didn't want to go down this path. She just couldn't. At least, not yet.

"How do you know about Black? You like her for something?" Olivia asked, trying to turn into the interrogator instead of the witness. Dana opened her mouth to continue, but was interrupted by Dr. Baker.

"Olivia, we're ready to begin. Now, I know you're familiar with this procedure, but we're going to take this at your pace. As you know, this requires a medical professional as well as a member of law enforcement. Agent Lewis is working your case, so anything you say to her is a matter of record," Dr. Baker explained patiently. Olivia knew all about this, but it was difficult being the one on this side of the exam. Olivia nodded, to indicate that she understood what was happening to her.

"Ok, here's how we're going to get through this. I won't touch you or do anything to you without explaining to you first. If you need a break, or you want to slow down, just say the word. We're not in any hurry here, ok?" Dr. Baker told her. Olivia nodded again. Dr. Baker had already begun filling out the required paperwork in the kit. She already had Olivia's name, address, date of birth, and other relevant information recorded, as well as Dana's ID and badge number.

"Ok, Olivia, we'll start with the easy part. I just need you to answer some questions. Were you assaulted once or multiple times?" Dr. Baker asked.

"Multiple," Olivia answered. She took a deep breath. She could do this. She had to do this. If she didn't, she'd never be able to show her face in the SVU bullpen again.

"How many times?" Dr. Baker asked. Her voice was professional, but kind. She wasn't exhibiting any signs of shock or judgment, just listening as Olivia recounted her experiences. Olivia replayed the events of the past few days in her mind.

"Seven," she said, surprising even herself that it was that many.

"Why don't you just take us through the events as we go through the rest of the exam?" Dana suggested, holding up a hand to Dr. Baker. Although Dr. Baker had treated many, many rape victims, Olivia was the first patient she had who was kidnapped and assaulted more than once. The form in the kit didn't really accommodate that situation.

"I think I can do that," Olivia said.

"Ok, we're going to start with your head. I need to comb through your hair. We'll bag anything that falls out," Dr. Baker said, picking up the sterile comb in the kit. Olivia sat forward, giving Baker access to her hair.

"What happened, Olivia?" Dana asked.

"I stayed home from work that day. Tina had the flu, and well, she's at that stage where she only wants Mommy when she's sick, you know?" Olivia asked, searching Dana's eyes for understanding.

"I've got two of my own, and they did the same thing when they were little," Dana said with a smile. "So, you were home with Tina. What happened next?"

"We were just sitting on the couch. She wanted to watch Cinderella, but she fell asleep in my lap almost as soon as the movie started. I must have dozed off, too, because the next thing I knew, something woke me up," Olivia said.

"What woke you up?" Dana asked.

"Some sort of a sound," Olivia said.

"Can you describe it?" Dana asked. Olivia searched her memory. She remembered waking up, and she remembered it was a noise, but now, she couldn't place it.

"No. All I know is that it came from the hallway where our protective detail was. Jefferies! Is she ok? Do you know what happened to her?" Olivia asked in rapid succession. She hadn't even remembered Jefferies was watching her until just now.

"Calm down, Olivia, she's fine. Her shift ended before you were abducted. What did you do what you woke up?" Dana asked. Olivia let out a sigh of relief.

"I…I went for my gun in the safe on my bedside table," Olivia said, launching back into her story. "But Adam blitzed me as soon as I walked into the room." She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Olivia, I need to take 10 strands of your hair for comparison," Dr. Baker said gently. Olivia vaguely registered. Olivia told Dana how they threatened her with Tina's safety, waited for Fin to come home, and how Joseph had violated her with the anal plug the first time. She felt the hand on her shoulder again.

"We need to take fingernail scrapings," Dr. Baker told her gently. "How are you doing?" Olivia obediently held out her hands.

"I'm ok," Olivia said. She quickly went back to her tale, describing what Joseph did to her in the van, how she had a gun held to her head to force her husband and daughter to comply with their demands, and how they had been led into the basement. She described how Joseph raped her, in graphic detail, that first night. The hand returned to her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eyes, Olivia could see the box filling with forensic evidence. It was such a deeply personal thing now, not like it was as recent as last week.

"We're going to use a UV light to identify any fluids on your body, and if we find any, we'll need to take a swab," Dr. Baker said. The doctor took care to avoid her genital region until the end of the search. This was usually the hardest part for the victim. She had reclined Olivia's bed and pulled the stirrups out. Olivia squeezed her legs closed as tightly as she could. She hadn't reached the point of the branding yet in her story.

"Stop!" she cried out suddenly. Dr. Baker immediately pulled her hands off of Olivia's body, holding them in the air in an innocent stance.

"Ok, it's ok, Olivia. We can take a break," Dr. Baker said kindly. A wave of tears washed over her, and she grabbed for the one thing she could find, Dana's hand. She sobbed, curling onto her side as Dana reached behind her, rubbing her back, as if Olivia was her own daughter.

"What did they do to you, Olivia? What don't you want us to see?" Dana asked kindly, but firmly.

"I can't do this, Dana, I can't," Olivia said.

"You're doing so well. There's just a little bit left," Dana said.

"Dana…" Olivia began.

"What did he do? Tell me, Olivia, what did he do?" Dana connected with Olivia's eyes. All she had to do was catch Olivia off guard for a second, and she would have the answer. Olivia had done it herself on many, many occasions. Olivia couldn't bring herself to say the words, so she parted her thighs slightly.

"Agent Lewis," Dr. Baker said, seeing what was there.

"No!" Olivia screamed, grabbing Dana's hand tighter. "Don't, please…"

"Can I just take a teensy peek?" Dana asked. "Just one, and that's it, ok?" Olivia turned her head and squeezed her eyes shut, giving a quick nod before she lost her nerve. Dana took one look at the angry, blistered swastika pattern on Olivia's right thigh and swallowed hard to contain the bile threatening to spring from her stomach. She had seen the worst of the worst, but this was someone she knew. The pain Olivia must have endured in order to create that mark would have been excruciating.

_Bastard marked her like some damn dog marks a hydrant,_ Dana thought, but quickly bit back to words. Olivia didn't need to hear that. Gradually, Olivia's sobbing subsided, thanks in part to reassurances from the two women in the room with her.

"How are you feeling, Olivia? Ready to continue?" Dr. Baker asked gently. Olivia took another deep breath and nodded, placing her feet in the stirrups. On and on it went, with Dr. Baker taking samples and Olivia recounting her nightmare. She told them about each and every assault, threat, and torture she had endured. She broke down and cried again when she told Dana about the baby, but picked herself back up and continued on.

"...I heard gunshots, and I knew my husband was dead. Or at least I thought he was. And then I heard Elliot's voice," Olivia finished.

"Ok, Olivia, we're all set," Dr. Baker said. Olivia sighed in relief and covered her lower half again. Dr. Baker returned the stirrups to their place and popped the bottom half of the bed back into position. Olivia watched as the kit was sealed and handed off to Dana. She knew in a matter of hours, those pieces of her body would be sitting in an FBI crime lab. She just hoped it would help. Otherwise, what was the point of going through all of that?

"Do you want me to call someone to sit with you for a while?" Dr. Baker asked. There was only one person Olivia wanted to see right now, and that was her husband, but she highly doubted that would be allowed. Still, she had to try.

"I want my husband," Olivia said. Dr. Baker's face fell.

"He's still in ICU," Dr. Baker explained. "I can get you there in the morning, but he can't leave his unit for at least another day." After listening to everything Olivia endured, Dr. Baker desperately wanted to grant her this one request, and yet, Olivia had asked for the one thing she couldn't deliver.

"Mrs. Tutuola? There's a man out here who's asking to see you. He says he's your father?" a nurse said after a brief rap on the door. Olivia didn't really want to see anyone except…wait, her father? Now her curiosity was piqued.

"Yeah, sure," Olivia said. The nurse motioned to her "father," signaling that it was ok.

And it was Captain Cragen who entered the room, carrying a vase of flowers.

"Hey…" Olivia said, a smile creeping across her face in spite of her best efforts to suppress it.

"You're busy. I can come back later," Cragen said, placing the flowers on the table.

"No, we were just leaving. Take all the time you need," Dr. Baker said, heading for the door. Dana sauntered behind Baker, eyeing Cragen as she walked by.

"'Father,' huh? Yeah, ok," Dana teased, raising her eyebrow with a smile. Cragen pulled up the chair Dana had just vacated and sat next to Liv, fiddling with his hat nervously.

"How ya doin'?" he finally asked.

"That depends. How much do you know?" Olivia asked.

"Not much," Cragen said, turning his eyes down to the floor. "The Feds yanked the case the minute we knew you were in Jersey."

"In that case, I'm good," Olivia told him. He didn't know about the multiple assaults, he didn't know about the basement or the branding or the cleansing, and he didn't know that her baby was dead. Finally, someone who would let her ignore her own reality for a while.

"So, is this a social call, or a business call?" Olivia asked.

"For now, social. We can discuss business when you're ready," he said.

"Captain, I…" Olivia began. There was no way she was going to let him tell her she couldn't do her job after what had happened.

"Liv, later. Right now, I want you to focus on your own health," he said firmly. "And, I wanted to let you know that if you need anything, let me know if I can help. I know you have Fin and Elliot, but you reached out to me once before. The offer's still there, especially if Fin…needs help again." Olivia was genuinely touched by his words. Years later, and he was still watching her back like he had the night she had called him as she huddled in Tina's room.

"I know. And that means a great deal to me. Thank you, Captain," she said. She reached out and gave his arm a friendly squeezed. And they sat, awkwardly, for the next several minutes.

"Captain, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm kinda tired…" Olivia began. Cragen nodded and stood.

"I'll let you sleep. I promised Munch I'd see Fin before I left anyway," he said. He paused when he reached her door.

"Liv," he said, waiting for her to look at him before he continued. "Take care of yourself."

Once Olivia saw the back of Cragen's coat disappear into the hallway, she lowered the bed so that she could sleep, pulling the pillow close to her chest. Her hand draped across her belly, as if she could give some comfort to the child inside that would never be. As she drifted off to sleep, images of a teenage girl with light coffee skin and a younger boy of the same color, filled her dreams.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Dr. Baker had put off this particular conversation for as long as she possibly could. She had returned to the Clinic to have an emergency meeting with her Board of Trustees, leaving careful instructions at Downtown Hospital for her to be contacted should there be any change in the status of Olivia Tutuola.

"Hey, Steph, what's going on? You sounded like the world was about to end on the phone," Victoria Black said, flopping into one of the chairs in Dr. Baker's office. Dr. Baker raised her eyes slowly and fixed them on her friend. "So, are you going to tell me what the cloak and dagger routine is all about, or can we just skip this and go grab a beer?" Dr. Black said, reaching for a few M&Ms from the candy dish Dr. Baker kept on her desk.

"Victoria, this isn't a social call," Baker began, folding her hands in front of her on the desk. "There's been a grave accusation of impropriety against you."

Victoria Black felt the blood drain from her face. She had been careful to cover her steps. Only another doctor could possibly figure out what she had done, and they would have to know what they were looking for in order to spot it. She figured the best course of action was to play dumb.

"What sort of accusation?" Black asked.

"Did you perform an abortive procedure on one of my patients without her consent or knowledge?" Baker asked.

"What!" Black exclaimed. "Who told you that? That's a hell of an accusation, Stephanie, and you know it!" she seethed.

"You know as well as I do that I can't reveal the identity of the patient. Look, we've been friends for a long time, and I don't want to believe that you're capable of something like that, but I need to know. Did you or did you not perform an illegal abortion?" Baker asked.

"This is ridiculous," was all Black could say.

"Ridiculous or not, we're conducting a formal investigation. I'm afraid I have to suspend you, without pay, pending the results of the investigation," Baker said.

"You can't do that! I haven't done anything wrong!" Black exclaimed.

"If the investigation comes back in your favor, you'll be reimbursed for wages lost. Victoria, if you're innocent, you have nothing to worry about. For now, though, your privileges here and at every hospital in the city are suspended," Baker said. She amazed herself at her ability to keep calm in this situation. She knew she was being lied to, but she couldn't blame Black for denying it either. Then again, Black hadn't really denied anything; she just refused to provide a direct answer.

Dr. Black swallowed hard, realizing the gravity of this situation. In the end, rather than retaliate, she huffed out of the office and into the night. Her heart ached as it did almost every night recently. She thought she had beaten the worst of her demons, but lately, they seemed to be coming back to haunt her…

_**Fourteen years ago…**_

"_So, how does it feel, Mrs. Black?" Kevin Black asked his new bride as they lay in the honeymoon suite of a quiet resort in the Caribbean. Victoria picked up her left hand and examined the platinum band in the moonlight for what seemed like the millionth time. And yet, she'd never get tired of seeing the flash of metal on her finger._

"_It feels perfect," she said, as a smile crossed her face. She hadn't stopped smiling since…well, she couldn't remember. Sometime shortly after he proposed. He was everything she ever wanted in a man – tall, dark, handsome, and with the kindest heart of anyone she had ever met. He was her best friend, a fantastic lover, and the only one she could ever see spending the rest of her life with._

"_Do we have to go back home?" she asked. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her head._

"_You know we do, Love. But, three years. That's all it is. Three years, and we can run off and start our own practice wherever you want to go," he assured her. Kevin, like his wife, was also a physician. He came from a blue-collar working-class, but very loving, family, and he had managed to pay for medical school by securing a Public Health Service Scholarship. Part of the agreement was that he had to repay the cost of his expenses through service. The government had paid for three full years of medical school, and now he had to serve in a government position for three years._

_With a specialty in internal medicine, he had a wide variety of options, so he chose to spend his three years as a physician in Leavenworth Penitentiary. Victoria hadn't minded; she was young, and she could be an obstetrician anywhere. All she wanted was to be with him._

"_I just want to be wherever you are," she said as she connected her lips to his and straddled him to make love for the fourth time that night._

_**Seven months later…**_

"_Congratulations, Mrs. Willow! It's a girl!" Dr. Black said happily as a new baby came into the world. The baby was full term, healthy, and gave a shrill wail as soon as her airway was cleared. After taking the time to tend to the new baby and tend to Mom's health, she left the delivery room, exhausted, but smiling. She rounded the corner, intending to go to her office and stopped at the sight of the two men in uniforms at the nurses' station. The two nurses seated there turned and pointed her out to them. As Victoria got a closer look, she realized that they were Corrections Officers._

"_Dr. Black," one of them said. She couldn't even remember his name anymore. Only that he had shattered her perfect little world._

"_What's happened?" she asked, sure her face was white as a ghost._

"_Is there some place more private where we can talk?" he asked politely._

"_Uhh, my office is right this way," she answered, leading them down that endless corridor to her office. She was acutely aware of her own heartbeat pounding louder and louder in her ears. When the arrived at her office, she offered them the chairs she used when consulting couples while she sat behind her desk._

"_Have you seen the news, ma'am?" he asked politely. _

"_No, I've been in Labor & Delivery all day. Why? What's going on?" she asked. The two men looked at each other. The one who had been silent until now spoke._

"_There was a riot at the prison. A couple of rival gangs had it out, and unfortunately, there were casualties," he explained._

"_My husband?" she asked, the knot in her stomach becoming unbearably tight. The two men looked at each other. _

"_I'm sorry, ma'am," was the only thing she remembered them saying. After that, her world seemed to disappear. Kevin was gone. Gone. He wasn't a fellow inmate or a guard; he was just the physician. A wail echoed off the walls, and it took a minute before she realized it was her own, animalistic cry of grief._

_**Four weeks later…**_

_Victoria Black sat in her husband's favorite recliner, staring at the television, but not processing what was on the screen. She needed the noise. She was trying to distract herself from the stabbing pain in her heart. She wanted to kill someone or maim someone. She tried to find out more information on what had happened at the prison during the riot, but she couldn't get a word out of anyone. On the small table next to her was a check from Kevin's life insurance that was large enough that she would never have to work again._

_But she loved her job, and someday, she wanted to back to it. If she could ever hold herself together long enough to handle a work day. Until then, she was just trying to piece everything together. She wanted someone to blame. She desperately needed someone to blame. And she wanted to leave this wretched city and everything in it. As she was watching some sleazy talk show, her doorbell rang, and somehow, she dragged her body out of the chair to answer it. She peeked out the window and saw a young man, dressed well, but someone she didn't recognized._

"_Mrs. Black?" he said warmly when she pulled the door open._

"_My name is Joseph Colin, ma'am. I knew your husband. I was wondering if I could have a word with you," he asked. He was so polite she couldn't resist, so she invited him in._

"_I'm afraid you'll have to forgive me," she began, showing him into the living room. "I'd offer you a drink, but I'm afraid I don't have much in the house."_

"_It's all right, ma'am. I won't be long. I just want you to know what really happened the day of the riot," he said. Victoria's breath caught in her throat._

"_How do you know what happened?" she asked._

"_Because…because I was there," he said. "You see, I was an inmate until last week, but I promised your husband I would tell you what really happened inside." Victoria wasn't sure how she felt about having an ex-con sitting in her living room, but she wanted to know what happened so badly that she just didn't care. "The Black Guerillas – they're a major prison gang – had been planning this for a long time. They wanted to make a statement, and in order to make that statement, they had to kill a respected white man. Why they chose the doc, I'll never know. Everyone liked the doc. But, you see, he happened to be on the block seeing to a patient who was pretending to be too sick to go to the infirmary on his own. That's how Doc Black was, you know? If you couldn't go to him, he'd come to you." Victoria nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat again._

"_Anyway, Doc Black went to this guy's cell, and…and…before anyone could register what had happened, he had a shiv embedded in his chest. I've never seen so much blood before…" Joseph said trailing off._

"_They targeted my husband?" Victoria asked, her voice barely more than a whisper._

"_Yeah. Because the Aryan Brotherhood respected him, but he never had anything against the Black Guerillas. He was just the Doc. But, that's how they operate. They're animals, and they'll kill us all if we let them. Ma'am, I lost three good friends that day, too. Now, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a spouse, but I miss my buddies somethin' awful," he said. Victoria steeled her jaw. Her grandparents told her about blacks and how cold-hearted they could be. She had never believed it herself, thinking that people were people, and the rest was irrelevant._

_Until today. _

_Until now._

"_So, what exactly was your affiliation with the people involved?" Victoria asked._

"_I was Aryan Brotherhood, ma'am. And I was in the Army until some damn nigger…excuse me, black man trumped up assault charges on me. I wound up doing five years because of that idiot. And I have a dishonorable discharge on top of it. But ma'am, I want you to know I did the best I could. Your husband fell near me, and I tried to save his life, but I couldn't. I'm sorry, I just couldn't. He…he wanted me to tell you the truth because he knew the prison would cover it up," Joseph explained. Victoria's eyes fell on the check that was still sitting on the table next to her, and suddenly, she had an idea._

"_Mr…Colin, did you say?" Joseph nodded. "I just might have a job for someone with military training. How do you feel about New York City?"_

XxXxX

Munch walked into Tina's room the next morning carrying yet another gift bag and a newspaper, his eyes narrowing in confusion when he saw Ken sitting by a child sized hospital bed but the covers were pulled high and tight over a sitting Tina's head. Ken's eyes seemed heavy and stubble was accumulating on his face, but he seemed somewhat relieved.

"Is she alright?" Munch asked as he approached the pair, tucking his newspaper under his arm. Ken got up from his chair and took Munch gently by the arm and pulled him out of earshot of Tina.

"She doesn't want anyone to see her because of her hair," Ken whispered softly, his voice laced with pain for his little sister. "She thinks she's ugly." Munch nodded, although not too surprised at the news. That was half the reason why he had picked up a special gift for her. "But she's feeling a lot better. The doc says she might even be able to go home today, since the meds are working so well."

"Got it. Go on, get outta here for a bit. Grab a bit to eat, maybe a shower and a shave. I'll stay here with her," Munch said. Ken shook his head.

"I'm fine," he told Munch firmly.

"You don't smell fine," Munch countered. "Seriously, go. I'll make sure Tina's ok."

"Really, I'm fine," Ken insisted again. Munch looked over his darkened glasses at his partner's son who shifted guiltily in his spot.

"Go." With a heavy sigh Ken took the bill and headed back over to Tina and kneeled besides her bedside.

"TeeTee, I'm going to go get something to eat but Uncle Munch is here with you. Do you want anything to eat or drink? Anything you want and I'll get it, even McDonalds," he added, knowing Olivia hated letting her have any and all types of fast food, but when he babysat her, he always seemed to break that one particular rule.

A silent shake of the head was her answer. Ken sighed as he leaned over and kissed the covered head before he got up and walked away.

"Hey, Tina," Munch greeted gently the moment Ken left the room to assure the small girl she wasn't alone. "You doing okay?" Another shake of the head was her only response.

"Yeah I know, you've had a rough week," he said, hating himself for minimizing her trauma to 'a rough week'.

Tina nodded, still making no effort to talk to her favorite "uncle."

"You know what I think might help a little?" he told her with an air of excitement, "a present and then afterwards, maybe you and I can read the color comics together." This was the real reason he had brought the newspaper with him. When all else failed, she would sit while he read the Sunday comics to her. When she was old enough to talk, she had started calling them the "color comics," and the name just stuck.

There was no movement under the blanket for a long time before Tina reached one of her arms out, still not uncovering her head.

"I need to see your face before I give it to you," Munch told her and the hand slowly retreated back under the blanket. Munch let out a loud disappointed sigh. "If I can't see you then I guess I'll just have to take it back to the store after I read the boring old parts of the newspaper out loud." Munch unfolded the newspaper, exaggerating the noise to make his point.

"Oh this is interesting," he said, scanning he front of the business section. "The Stock Market looks like it's going to go up after the Senate passes a new economic plan that goes into effect after the new fiscal year. Politicians said today that the current economical status in this country will vastly improve-."

"Don't!" Tina whined softly, drawing a smile form Munch's face. "That's boring!"

"Well if you come out then I won't read any boring old people stuff," he told her as he rustled the paper again. "Oh, look here, Tina! Something about Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman in the same, could this be a dream come true? Three page article?"

Tina, who the only thing she knew about the two politicians is she had overheard Munch go off on several long-winded, angry rants that quickly bored her, slowly uncovered herself with the blanket and quickly covered her bald head with her arms.

"Well, well, well! Look who's decided to come out!" Munch exclaimed, crouching next to the bed. "I thought you said there was an ugly girl in here, but I don't see one. All I see is my beautiful little Tina."

"But I don't have hair anymore!" Tina said.

"That doesn't make you ugly, Tina," Munch told her.

"Yes it does!" she wailed.

"If having no hair was ugly, do you think there would be dolls like this one?" Munch asked, pulling a plush doll from the gift bag. The doll was from the pediatric gift shop, and was usually given to kids with cancer and other diseased where hair loss is common in order to help them understand what was happening to them. The doll itself was a soft plush, and featured a completely bald head. There was a wig included, but Munch saved that for another time.

Tina stared at the doll, trying to process what Munch was saying in her three-year-old mind. Dolls were beautiful, but here was one with no hair. And it was a girl, just like her. She reached for it, and Munch handed her the doll, watching as she set it in front of her and explored every inch with her hands.

Satisfied with her exploration, she looked up at Munch, and with the puppy dog face he could never resist, she asked, "can we read color comics now?"

"Sure we can," Munch said. Tina's IV had been removed already, so he lifted her out of the bed and set her on his lap as he unfolded the beloved section of the newspaper. She stared intently as he read her this week's Garfield.

XxXxX

"Dr. Baker?" a soft voice said, rapping gently on the door to her office. Dr. Baker jumped up with a start. She realized that she had fallen asleep on the sofa in her office after trying to catch up on some paperwork once her meeting with Victoria Black ended last night. She looked up and saw Stacey Morgan, the young medical assistant in her office standing in the door way. "I thought you were out this week."

"Uh, no. I'm handling a difficult case downtown. What's up?" Dr. Baker asked, smoothing out her hair and straightening her top.

"One of the pharmaceutical companies is here. They said they have a huge order for Dr. Black, but she isn't in. What should I do with it?" she asked. The staff didn't know not to expect Dr. Black in just yet. She'd have to make some sort of announcement, but right now, she'd have to deal with this delivery.

"I'll take care of it, Stacey. Thanks," Dr. Baker said, heading towards Receiving to deal with the delivery. Stacey scurried back towards the front desk.

Dr. Baker scanned the packing slip after she greeted the driver. Methotrexate, and quite a large quantity of it. Dr. Baker furrowed her brow. That was a cancer drug, but any patient of hers with cancer was referred to oncologist. They didn't treat cancer at this clinic.

"Wait, there must be some mistake. We didn't order this," Dr. Baker told the driver.

"I just deliver the packages, ma'am," he said.

"Can you give me a minute to check my records?" Dr. Baker said, excusing herself. She ran back down to her office, fired up her computer, and pulled up the purchasing records for the clinic. There it was, the order for Methotrexate, in that exact quantity, placed by Dr. Black.

The question was, what the hell did she need cancer drugs for?


	31. Chapter 31

_**WARNING: MAJOR CUTENESS AHEAD!**_

_**Sorry, had to throw that in there. **_

**Chapter 31**

"Hi, Olivia, how are you doing?" Dr. Elizabeth Tanner asked, knocking softly on Olivia's door, carrying a clipboard. Olivia was trying to force herself to eat the salt-free food prescribed to her while Elliot scarfed down a deli sandwich from the hospital cafeteria.

"Fine. How's my daughter?" she asked, suddenly panicking in fear that Tina had taken a turn for the worse.

"Well, that's what I'm here to talk to you about," Dr. Tanner began, taking a seat next to the bed, opposite Elliot. "She's fine, Olivia. Don't worry. In fact, she's well enough that we don't need to keep her here anymore."

"Really? After just one night?" Olivia asked, unwilling to believe her own ears. Dr. Tanner grinned.

"You'd be surprised at how quickly kids bounce back with proper care," she said kindly. "There's just one potential problem." The panic returned to Olivia's face again. After everything she had already endured, she just kept bracing herself for bad news every time someone opened his or her mouth. "It has nothing to do with Tina's health." Olivia relaxed slightly. "With both you and your husband still patients, we need your consent to release her to someone who isn't a parent. Is there anyone she can stay with until at least one of you are back on your feet? If necessary, we can keep her here, but she might not be the most comfortable." Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Sure, there was Munch and Ken, but she couldn't just dump Tina on either of them for an indefinite amount of time, and especially with no notice. In fact, there was only one person she could think of who would take Tina on zero notice, because she had done it before.

"Let me call Kathy," Elliot said, interrupting Olivia's train of thought.

"Don't be ridiculous. I can't do that to Kathy. I'll just call Fin's mom," Olivia said. Elliot chuckled.

"Olivia, Fin's mom is currently down in ICU. She got here shortly after you saw him, and she hasn't left his side since. I think she'd rather be with her son. Seriously, it's not a big deal. If the situation was reversed, you'd take Eli for a while, wouldn't you?" Olivia pondered his statement. Yes, she would take Eli in a heartbeat. Elliot's other children were old enough to be on their own, but Eli was a different story. "Besides, if she's at my house, she'll have a playmate." Eli and Tina were less than a year apart, so what Elliot was saying made perfect sense.

"Sounds like you two have a good plan," Dr. Tanner said. "I have a few patients to check on. Why don't you finalize the arrangements, and I'll be back in a little while?" Olivia nodded, and Dr. Tanner left the room, leaving the clipboard with the consent form with her. Elliot already had the phone out and had dialed Kathy's number.

"Hey Kath...they're both fine…listen, Tina's ready to be released, but Fin and Liv still need a few days," he said. He paused, nodding his head occasionally in response to what his wife was saying. "Thanks, Kath. See you soon. Love you." He hung up the phone and turned back to Liv.

"Is she upset?" Olivia asked.

"Exactly the opposite. She's thrilled to get to spend some time with Tina. Eli's been driving her crazy, mostly because he doesn't have anyone to play with. This will be good for them." At Elliot's insistence, Olivia scribbled her name on the consent form to release Tina into the custody of the Stablers.

XxXxX

Ken sat with Tina, watching her dunk her French fries into her chocolate shake. On his way back to hospital, he had stopped at McDonalds and gotten her a chicken nugget Happy Meal with a chocolate shake, which always seemed to be her favorite. He chuckled as he remembered Olivia doing precisely the same thing while she was pregnant with Tina. Apparently, the craving had moved out of Olivia's body and into Tina's when she was born.

"Come here, you have chocolate stuff all over your face," he said, attacking her with a napkin. She let him clean the cold goop from her face before diving in again. When she had finally eaten as much as she seemed to be interested in, she went back to playing with the doll Munch had given her while Ken cleaned up the mess from her lunch.

"Does your doll have name?" Ken asked. Tina shrugged.

"Not yet," she said. "She hasn't told me what it is." Ken chuckled. His little sister's imagination always amused him. His attention was diverted by a soft tap on the door.

"Hi, Tina," Dr. Tanner said, wearing a big smile. Tina's expression changed immediately. Her eyes went wide, and she looked absolutely petrified before she quickly dropped the doll and pulled the covers back over her head. Dr. Tanner laughed.

"Well, that confirms she's feeling better," she said to Ken. "She never did like me very much."

"Yeah, well, you were always the one who gave her shots," Ken joked back.

"I'M NOT GETTING A SHOT!" Tina screamed from under the blankets.

"No, Tina, you aren't. How would you like to go home?" Dr. Tanner asked, raising her voice slightly so that Tina could hear her. Tina pulled the covers down just far enough that her eyes peeked out over the top.

"Home?" she said, from behind the covers. "Is this a trick?" Dr. Tanner's smile grew, and she shook her head.

"Mommy and Daddy too?" Tina asked. Dr. Tanner approached the bed and crouched down to eye level to talk to Tina.

"Well, Tina, your Mommy and Daddy are still sick, so they're going to have to stay here for a few days. But, I just talked to your Mommy, and she thought you might have fun with your Aunt Kathy and Uncle Elliot, until she feels better. How does that sound?" Dr. Tanner explained.

"She's still sick?" Tina asked again. "She didn't look sick when she came to see me."

"I know, Sweetie, but she is. She's a kind of sick that you can't see. I'm a doctor, and I know these things, because I help sick people, remember?" she said.

"I wanna see Mommy," Tina said.

"Can Olivia have visitors?" Ken asked.

"I'm probably not supposed to do this, but why don't you get her dressed, and you can take her up to Olivia's room until someone comes to pick her up," Dr. Tanner suggested to Ken. Ken smiled.

"Yeah. I think they'd both like that," he said. He turned his attention back to Tina. "Did you hear that TeeTee? As soon as you get dressed, you can go wait with Mommy until Aunt Kathy gets here!" Fortunately, Ken realized that the clothes Tina had been wearing when she was admitted were the pajamas she was wearing the day of the kidnapping, and he had also stopped at Fin and Olivia's apartment to pick up an extra set of clothes for all three of them.

"She's not going to get out of that bed until I leave the room, but when you're ready to take her up, there's a selection of kid's movies available at the nurse's station. Feel free to take upstairs with you," she said, still smiling.

"Thanks, Doc. For everything," Ken said. Dr. Tanner nodded, and pride surged from her. She had managed to heal another precious, tiny life.

XxXxX

Tina skipped along happily, one hand firmly held in Ken's and the other clenched around the doll Munch had given her that morning. Ken stopped outside Olivia's open door.

"Who's in there, TeeTee?" he asked, smiling. Tina turned the corner, and her eyes went wide and a huge smile crossed her face. The tiny had he was holding ripped away from him, and she sprinted towards the hospital bed.

"MOMMY!" she cried, climbing first onto an empty chair next to the bed and then up to the bed itself, dragging the doll with her.

"Hi, Baby," Olivia said, smiling as her daughter curled up next to her. "What's that in your hand?" Olivia asked as Tina pulled the doll into her embrace.

"Uncle Munch found her. Look, her hair's gone, just like mine," Olivia was moved by the gesture. While Tina may not understand the entire meaning of the gift, Olivia did. Munch wanted Tina to feel better about herself, but he also felt guilty because the crime lab still had Tina's beloved teddy bear. Although, at this particular moment, that didn't really seem to matter. Suddenly, Tina's brow furrowed, and a slightly haunted expression crossed her face. "Mommy, do you think the bad men cut her hair off, too?" she asked.

"Oh, Baby, no. And you don't have to worry about the bad men anymore because Mommy will protect you," she said.

"You're going to shoot them?" Tina said. Well, that was a loaded question. In her childhood innocence, Tina had expressed what she wanted, and Olivia couldn't agree with her more. Of course, it wasn't that simple.

"If I have to, but I'd rather put them in jail," Olivia replied. She didn't tell Tina that one was already dead. Tina just didn't need to know that. In fact, Olivia hoped that as Tina grew, her memories of the entire ordeal would fade.

"Ok," Tina said. "That sounds good, too." Olivia chuckled at Tina's response.

"Hey, Liv," Ken said, now that Tina's barrage of chatter was over for now.

"I heard you never left her side," Olivia said, with utmost sincerity. "Thank you. You didn't have to do that." Ken shrugged.

"She my little sister. Where else would I be? And that's not entirely true. Munch kicked me out a few times," he said honestly.

"Still, I'm glad she wasn't alone. You're a good kid, Ken," she told him with another smile. Ken blushed, not really sure how to respond to her gratitude.

"Thanks. Uhhh, Tina's doctor sent up a few movies, if you guys want to watch one while we wait for Kathy," he said, holding up a few DVDs.

"CINDERELLA!" Tina said, bouncing slightly on Liv's bed.

"Sorry, kiddo. I looked for it, but they didn't have it," he told her. Olivia scanned the titles in his had, while Tina's face fell in disappointment.

"No, but Ken has Mommy's favorite movie from when she was a little girl. I think we should watch that one," Olivia said.

"But…" Tina started.

"I think you'll like it," Olivia said, interrupting Tina. "Ken, why don't you put in the top one in your hand."

"Ok, Tina, this one's about another little girl, and she travels to a beautiful land called Oz, where she meets three friends – a scarecrow, a tin man, and a cowardly lion," Olivia explained, distracting Tina from protesting while Ken set up the movie.

"What's cowardly?" Tina asked.

"Well, it means you get really scared really easily, and you run away. And lions aren't supposed to do that. But Dorothy and her friends all go to the Emerald City to meet the Wizard of Oz," Olivia explained. Tina was listening intently to this brand new story to her.

They had reached the point in the movie where Dorothy had just met Glinda when a nurse interrupted them briefly. Ken had excused himself to give mother and daughter time alone.

"Mrs. Tutuola?" she asked gently. Tina's eyes were glued to the screen, but she still had one arm around Liv and the other around the doll. She was absolutely riveted by the story.

"Yes?" Olivia said softly, so as not to disturb her daughter.

"There's someone here who wants to you see you. Both of you," she said. A wheelchair pushed by another nurse rounded the corner, and Olivia took in the sight in front of her. She gasped slightly, and nudged Tina next to her.

"Who's that, Honey?" she asked, pointing in the direction of the wheelchair. Tina broke her gaze and looked in the direction Olivia was pointing.

"DADDY!" she yelled as a huge smile crossed her face. The nurse brought the wheelchair next to the bed, and discretely slipped out. "Mommy and I are watching a movie. It's um, Mommy, what's it called?" Fin's heart soared as he saw his daughter chattering up a storm like nothing ever happened to her. He filed away the sight of his wife and daughter curled up together, looking incredibly peaceful. At the same time, he wanted to kill the man responsible for shaving his daughter's head. Not just because she was bald, but because they hadn't been careful enough to do it without cutting her scalp. Still, considering what could have happened, he knew he was extremely lucky.

"Wizard of Oz," she told Tina again.

"Wizard of Oz," Tina told Fin, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, that's a good one!" Fin said. He couldn't take the smile off his face. His girls were really ok. For a brief, fleeting minute, he almost forgot about everything that had happened to Olivia because she was smiling.

Almost.

"Come on, Daddy, come watch with us," Tina said. She looked up Olivia. "Mommy, move over so Daddy can sit too."

"I don't think there's enough room up here for all three of us. This bed is a lot smaller than our bed at home," Olivia explained.

"Yes there is. Now, move over!" Tina said, giving Olivia a slight shove.

"Yeah, Mommy. Move over," Fin said. Olivia sighed, obviously outnumbered. She squeezed herself onto the far end of the bed as best as she could while Fin climbed in the vacated space. It was a tight fit, and Olivia had to put Tina on her lap, but somehow, they all did it. Fin noticed, though, that Tina was clinging to Olivia far more than she used to. Granted, Tina always wanted Olivia when she was sick or exhausted, but every other time, she wanted Fin, to the point where she practically ignored Olivia. And then it was undeniable. Their experiences had affected their precious daughter, too.

"Look what Uncle Munch brought me," Tina said, waving the doll in front of his face.

"Well, now, isn't that a beautiful doll!" Fin exclaimed.

"Mhm. And she doesn't have any hair, just like me. I love her," Tina said, clutching the doll close to her chest.

"What's her name?" Fin asked.

"Um," Tina said. She held the doll up to her ear. "What?" Tina said, like she was talking to the doll. "She says her name is Dorothy," Tina said, matter-of-factly. Next to him, Olivia failed to suppress a giggle. Tina looked crushed.

"You don't like her name, Mommy?" Tina asked.

"I think it's a beautiful name, Tina," Olivia said. This seemed to appease Tina and she twisted her body so that she could face the TV again. Olivia turned her head and whispered to Fin, "I think we might get a break from Cinderella." Fin looked up at the ceiling and mouthed 'thank you,' as if he was talking to God. Once again, Olivia couldn't help but chuckle.

And that's exactly how Kathy found the three of them when she came to pick Tina up. Olivia and Fin, side by side, Fin's good arm draped around Olivia, holding her close. Tina was perched half on Olivia's lap and half on Fin's lap with Olivia's arms wrapped tightly around her. The foursome in the movie was crossing the field of poppies, and they had Tina's full attention.

"Hey, Tina," Kathy said, waving to both Liv and Fin, too. "Ready to come play with Eli?" Normally, this phrase would have Tina scurrying for the door, practically dragging an adult with her. But this time Tina hesitated.

"No, they haven't gotten to the Em-old City yet," Tina said, not moving a muscle from where she was.

"Emerald," Olivia corrected.

"That's what I said. Em-old," Tina told her.

"You know, Tina, we have this movie at our house, too. We can finish watching it tonight, if you want," Kathy tried. "I told Eli you were coming over, and he's very excited to see you."

"Nooo…" Tina whined, burying her head into Liv's chest. Olivia instinctively tightened her arms around her daughter.

"Tina, it's ok, and it's just for a few days. Then we'll all go back home. You, me, and Daddy," Olivia told her.

"Don't wanna…" Tina whined again, clutching Olivia's hospital gown in her tiny hand.

"Tina, it'll be ok, Baby. Now, what are you afraid of?" Fin asked gently.

"I don't want Mommy to get took away again," Tina said, as tears welled up in her eyes. While Kathy was curious about what had happened to her, she said nothing. It wasn't important now.

"Sweetheart, Mommy's not going anywhere," Olivia explained gently. "Mommy just has to stay in the hospital for a little while longer. But, let me show you something," Olivia turned towards Kathy. "Can I borrow your phone for a minute?" Olivia asked. Kathy wordlessly handed over her cell phone to Olivia, who quickly programmed the number of the hospital phone into it and attached her picture to the contact. "Ok, Tina," she said, showing Tina the phone. "Push Mommy's picture." Tina did what Olivia said, and the phone next to Olivia's bed started to ring. Olivia answered the phone to prove to Tina that it worked. "If you want to talk to me, you just ask Aunt Kathy if you can use her phone, and you can talk to me any time you want to, ok?" Tina looked at her questioningly.

"Any time?" she asked.

"Any time," Olivia told her.

"What if it's after my bedtime?" Tina asked.

"You can still call me," Olivia said.

"What if I have a bad dream?" Tina asked again.

"You can still call me," Olivia told her again.

"What if…" Tina wracked her brain for another scenario.

"You can still call me," Olivia told her for the third time.

"And I'll bring you back here to see your Mommy every single day until she can go home," Kathy told Tina.

"Every day? You _promise_?" Tina asked.

"Cross my heart," Kathy said, making the familiar gesture across her chest.

"Don't you want to go see Eli?" Fin asked as Tina seemed to be contemplating the compromise. Tina sighed. Truth be told, she was getting bored sitting around, but she didn't want to leave her parents.

"Can I call before I go to sleep? And will you sing to me?" Tina asked Olivia, crossing her arms in front of her chest, in a very Olivia-like fashion.

"Absolutely," Olivia said. Tina, being the incredibly smart kid that she is, realized that she could have demanded just about anything, so she turned her head back to Kathy.

"Can I have McDonald's for dinner?" she asked, slyly. Kathy tried to suppress a smile. If Tina was asking about dinner, then she was satisfied with the phone arrangement.

"Sure, you can," Kathy answered, knowing Olivia would be ok with this if it meant her daughter would leave with minimal hassle.

"Ok," Tina said. She hugged Fin first. "I love you, Daddy," She said. Fin held her as best as he could, with his injured arm and kissed her head.

"I love you, too, Princess," Fin said. Then she turned to Olivia.

"You better answer the phone," she said, wagging her finger at Olivia, getting a chuckle in return.

"I will, Baby, I promise," Olivia said. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Mommy," Tina said. And with that, she slid off the bed and took Kathy's hand, giving Fin and Olivia one last look.

"I hate letting her go," Olivia said softly, once she was sure Tina and Kathy were out of earshot.

"I know, Baby Girl, I do too. But, Elliot and Kathy are great with her, and she'll be fine as soon as she sees Eli," Fin said, giving Olivia a comforting squeeze.

"They really are two peas in a pod, aren't they?" Olivia commented, reflecting on the last time she and Fin had watched Eli. The two children had taken to each other immediately and Tina had wailed when Eli left because she wanted him to stay. Elliot had confided in her that Eli had done the same thing when he saw them at the precinct the next day.

"Well, yeah. Stabler's son, Benson's daughter…did you really expect anything else?" Fin asked. Olivia smiled at the irony of it all.

She felt a ripple in her stomach that didn't really hurt, but was uncomfortable. It dawned on her that this was the first movement she had felt since just after the injection. Immediately following it, she had felt the tiny life rolling around inside her, practically flailing, but by the time she woke up in the hospital, it was gone. The change in her expression didn't go unnoticed by Fin.

"You ok?" he asked, completely serious again, searching for her eyes with his.

"Yeah," she said, as her hand instinctively went to her belly. "Just a cramp." And Fin knew it was starting. Not full blown labor, but it was eminent. He wished he knew what to say to make it easier. He wished he could bring their child back to life.

He had never felt so powerless in all his life, knowing the pain his wife was about to endure and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it.

_**Thank you for all of your kind reviews! Lots of good speculation about the cancer drug. What exactly was Black up to? Don't worry…you'll find out! **_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Fin reached behind Olivia and pushed the call button for a nurse, and one quickly appeared.

"Fin, I'm fine, really," Olivia insisted.

"What seems to be the trouble?" the nurse asked.

"She's having cramps," Fin told the nurse.

"Both of you, stop. I'm fine. It's probably nothing," Olivia insisted. The nurse on duty was familiar with Olivia's case, and she suspected her patient was going into labor.

"I'll let Dr. Baker know. Mr. Tutuola, your doctor sent up orders. You're recovering well, so the doctor sees no need for you to be in ICU any longer. Ideally, we'd have you in a recovery room, but I can see about having an extra bed brought in here, if you prefer," the nurse offered.

"I would appreciate that," Fin said, not wanting to leave his wife's side.

"I don't want to have this baby…" Olivia said softly, once the nurse was gone. "He should be inside me for another 27 weeks, and then, he should be…perfect. Just like Tina was."

"I know, Baby Girl, I know," Fin said, pulling his wife to him once again as she began to cry.

XxXxX

"Dr. Baker," Stephanie Baker said, answering her phone. She had spent all day at the clinic, tending to her staff after the abrupt departure of Victoria Black. She had made a general announcement to the staff, only stating that Black would be taking some personal time, and she had been scrambling to find someone to cover Black's patient load. Plus, there was the Tutuola case lurking in the back of her mind. And yet, this clinic was her baby. She had to make sure that things could still run properly.

"Dr. Baker, this is Nurse Sarah Mendel from the maternity ward at Downtown Hospital. You left us instructions to contact you if Olivia Tutuola's condition changed?" a friendly voice said.

"That's right. How's she doing?" Dr. Baker asked.

"Her husband just reported that she's experiencing some cramping, but she insists that she's fine," the nurse informed her.

"Sounds like she's in the early stages of labor. Don't give her anything to slow down contractions or stop the labor. If she asks for any sort of medication, call me first," Dr. Baker told the nurse.

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse said.

"I'm on my way," Dr. Baker said, hanging up her phone. She paused as she passed Dr. Tanner's office, noticing the light was still on. A thought crossed her mind, and she wanted the pediatrician's input.

"Hey," she said, knocking politely. "Are you heading back to Downtown?"

"No need to. Tina was released earlier today," Dr. Tanner told her with a smile.

"Well, I need to head back down there. Olivia's going into labor. Care to join me? I have something I could use your expertise on," Dr. Baker asked.

"Sure. Let me grab my purse," Dr. Tanner said, capping the pen in her hand. Paperwork could wait. "What's going on?" she asked as the two women headed towards the parking garage.

"I've been doing some research on salt poisoning. Most of the time, it's effective," Dr. Baker said.

"Most of the time?" Tanner remarked.

"Sometimes it doesn't work. There's a slim chance Olivia's baby is still alive," Baker said, as she pulled open the driver's side of her BMW. Tanner slid into the passenger seat.

"I thought you said you lost the heartbeat," Tanner said, as Baker pulled out of the parking space and maneuvered the car towards the exit.

"I did. But it's possible that the heartbeat is so faint that we can't detect it," Baker said.

"How possible?" Tanner asked.

"I said 'possible,' Liz. Not 'probable.'" Baker said.

"Numbers, Steph," Tanner pressed. Baker took a deep breath as she tried to do the calculation in her head.

"One, maybe two percent," she answered. Tanner bit her lower lip.

"Two percent. Are you insane? Steph, that baby is gone!" she said, raising her voice.

"We don't know that for sure. Now look, this is my plan. Until we have absolute confirmation that that baby is dead, we proceed under the assumption that he's alive," Baker told Tanner firmly. Tanner shook her head. The odds were just stacked way to far against them.

"Then why not just try to halt her labor and let her carry to term? If the fetus doesn't grow, you'll know for sure," Tanner suggested.

"Because, the amniotic fluid is already poisoned. If the baby isn't dead yet, he will be soon if he stays in there. You specialized in neo-natal pediatrics. If that baby is alive, there's no one I trust more to keep him alive than you," Baker said. And that was when Tanner knew exactly what Baker was asking.

"You want me to head up the Baby Team," Tanner said quietly. This was standard procedure when a difficult delivery was anticipated. Two teams of doctors and nurses were present because one patient would soon become two. 'Team Mom' was always lead by the obstetrician performing the delivery, and 'Team Baby' was led by a pediatrician with an expertise in infants.

"Will you do it?" Baker asked. Tanner thought for a minute before speaking.

"I will, but under one condition," Tanner said.

"Name it," Baker answered.

"We can't get that poor woman's hopes up just to shatter her again. She's been through far too much," Tanner said. Baker grinned, bringing the car to a stop inside the hospital garage.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Baker told her colleague.

XxXxX

"Tina!" Eli cried happily as he saw Kathy walk through the door with Tina. He abandoned his Legos and began to race over to her but stopped short as his dark blue eyes settled on Tina's bald and cut up scalp. 

"What happened to your hair?" he asked innocently. Tears flooded Tina's eyes as she covered her head up with her arms. 

"They cut if off," she told him. 

"Who?" Eli asked, brimming with curiosity.

Kathy bit her bottom lip, not sure if she should reprimand her youngest son for simply being curious or not. Finally she bent down low and knelt beside Tina as tears ran down her cheeks.

"How about we don't talk about that?" she offered with an apologetic smile towards Tina as she rubbed her back.

"Tina; Eli just got a new game from his grandma, do you want to go play?" 

"Yeah!" Eli added as his eyes lit up. "It's really fun! It's called Hippos, and you try to get your hippo to eat the most marbles." Tina shook her head, still not uncovering her hands from her head.

Eli frowned but a smile quickly reappeared on his face. "We can play blocks!" 

Again another shake of the head was her answer. 

"We can play cops and robbers and you can be the cop the whole time," he offered with a grin, giving her a chance to grab the coveted role in the make believe game the two often played without argument. But even the prospect of being the 'cop' didn't seem to appeal to her and instead she turned towards Kathy.

"Can I call my Mommy?" she asked in a very small voice.

"Of course you can, Sweetie," Kathy answered as she got out her phone and set it up so all Tina had to do was press Olivia's picture and it would connect.

"Thanks," Tina said softly as she reluctantly moved one of her arms from her head so she could grab the phone. Without another word to her playmate, Tina hurried into the living room to talk to Olivia.

Eli frowned as he looked down at the floor. "I didn't mean to make Tina sad," he muttered guiltily.

"I know, Honey," Kathy told him with an understanding smile. "She's just a little upset right now. She had it hard these past few days. I know you're just curious, but don't mention Tina's hair again okay? She's still sad about it."

"What happened to it?" he asked his mother who shook her head. 

"I don't know, Eli, but it makes her really sad to talk about it, so we won't ask about it, ok?" Eli nodded as he looked towards the living room where Tina was talking on the phone and from the look on her face the conversation wasn't going as well as she had hoped.

"I still think she looks pretty," he assured Kathy. "For a girl," he added quickly. 

Kathy chuckled and shook her head. _What is it with Stabler men and  
>Benson women?<em>, she wondered.

"I'm sure if you tell her that she'll be a lot happier," Kathy told Eli. Eli nodded and was about to go into the living room to join Tina when she came out and handed the phone back to Kathy, a frown on her face.

"Mommy can't come pick me up," she muttered sadly. "She says I hafta stay." Eli tapped her on the shoulder and Tina turned towards him, still covering her head with her arms. "I'm sorry I made you sad. But I still think you're really pretty without hair," he muttered sheepishly. A shy smile crept on Tina's face as she slowly lowered her hands. 

"Really?" Eli nodded, still looking down at the ground.

"Uh huh. Um... Can we go play Cops and Robbers now? Your doll can come to. She can be your partner! Just like your mommy and my daddy are!" Tina nodded and Eli's face almost seemed to light up as he grabbed her by the free hand, and the two hurried off to play.

XxXxX

Olivia threw the covers off of her and started pacing the hospital room, catching Fin off guard. The nurse had succeeded in getting permission for him to remain in Olivia's room until after the birth of the baby, and even though a bed was set up, he was perfectly content to stay in her bed.

"What's wrong?" Fin asked, feeling slightly wounded that she had bolted so suddenly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just can't get comfortable laying down," Olivia said, trying to fight through the menstrual like cramps she was experiencing.

"Come over here, then, and let me rub your back," Fin offered. Olivia contemplated his suggestion. When she was pregnant with Tina, his backrubs were the only thing that kept her out of constant agony, but he could really only use one hand. And then her mind took a dark turn. She remembered Joseph behind her as he brutally raped her, and her breath hitched.

"I think I just want to walk," she said, trying to shrug off the memory. Fin swung his legs over the side of the bed and climbed out. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she jerked away. She couldn't even understand it herself. One minute, she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, and the next, she couldn't bear the idea of being touched at all.

"Liv, it's me," he said, thoroughly confused that she had pulled away from him so abruptly.

"I know, I just…I need…" She just couldn't figure out how to explain it to him, at least, not without hurting him. Fortunately, she didn't have to.

"Olivia, do you have a minute?" Dr. Baker said. Neither Fin nor Olivia had noticed her arrival, or the arrival of the woman behind her.

"Sure," Olivia said, grateful for the distraction.

"Have a seat. Fin, you may want to join us, too," Dr. Baker said, gesturing towards the bed. Olivia ignored the gesture entirely and sat in one of the chairs her visitors had been using. The bed was just making her too uncomfortable. Dr. Baker noticed the action, but didn't comment. Fin took a seat on the bed, and Olivia snaked her hand up into his, confusing him once again. He just didn't know what to do anymore to make her comfortable, and that was starting to really bother him. Dr. Tanner had dragged in another chair from somewhere, and the two doctors sat facing the couple.

"Olivia, I've been doing some research on salt poisoning to try to see if there was anything useful out there, and I've come across something interesting," Dr. Baker began. Olivia swallowed hard. "I told you it was an old abortive technique, but from the papers I've read, it's not always effective, which is one reason it's no longer used." Olivia tried to process what the doctor was telling her.

"But, I thought you said there wasn't a heartbeat," Olivia said softly. Dr. Baker took a breath before she continued. She didn't want to get Olivia's hopes up too high on what was highly improbably.

"I did. Now, there's a chance, a very _very_ small chance that the baby is still alive, but the heartbeat is so faint, we can't detect it," Dr. Baker explained.

"He's alive?" Fin asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't get too excited just yet," Dr. Tanner chimed in. "The odds of this being the case are really, really small.

"How small?" Olivia asked, her free hand now rubbing her belly. The two doctors exchanged a glance.

"Two percent, at the absolute most," Dr. Baker said. "You have to understand that my original diagnosis is quite possibly correct, and the baby is already gone. However, Dr. Tanner and I have agreed that we want to pursue this under the assumption that the baby is alive, however unlikely that may be. I won't consider him dead until I can confirm it with my own two hands." Olivia's heart fluttered. She knew what the doctors were telling her. It was such a long-shot, but it was the first sliver of hope she had seen in a while.

"I want to talk to you about a couple of options for delivery, when the time comes. The first option is to put you in a regular delivery room, with Fin next to you, and Dr. Tanner on standby. I can tell you this for sure; at only 13 weeks, _if_ the baby is still alive, he's going to need immediate medical care. Dr. Tanner is one of the best neo-natal pediatricians in the city, and she's perfectly equipped to take on the task. The downside to a regular delivery room is that we lose time. We'll have to transport him to an OR, and we could very easily loose him on the way.

The other option is to prep you for surgery and have you deliver in the OR. We put time back on our side by being there already. The downside to that option is that it's a sterile environment, which means that I can't let anyone in, except the patient and essential personnel," Dr. Baker explained. She couldn't make a decision like this; it had to be Olivia's. Olivia had to decide which was more important to her – having her husband with her during delivery, or putting her baby in the best possible situation for survival.

"Wait, can we stop the contractions? Can we let him grow for a few more weeks…and see?" Olivia asked. Dr. Baker quickly shook her head.

"Think of it this way. You're trapped inside a building that suddenly fills with smoke. If you stay inside, you'll die. That's what's going on inside you right now. The baby's method of getting oxygen and nutrients is already poisoned. Unfortunately, I can't take the poison out. And, if he isn't alive anymore, retaining fetal tissue can be deadly for you," Dr. Baker explained. Olivia was silent.

"Liv, maybe we should talk about this," Fin said.

"No," she said immediately. "No, I don't need to talk. If my baby is alive, then I need to do whatever I can to keep him that way. I'm sorry, Fin." Olivia looked into Fin's eyes. He saw all of her pain and the pleading, and he knew right now, that she was a mother first, and a wife second. As much as he hated the idea of being tossed aside while his child was being born, he also knew that if the baby died because Olivia made the wrong choice, she would never forgive herself. He wasn't sure he could forgive himself, either.

"Ok," he said, squeezing her hand a little tighter. "If that's what you want, that's what we'll do."

XxXxX

"_Half you go this way, half you go that way! Hurry! Hurry_!" came the voice of Margaret Hamilton, decked in green make-up from the TV. Eli had already seen the movie a few times, but was still mesmerized by its brilliance. Tina, on the other hand, found the entire story brand new, but loved every minute of it. The two children watched completely captivated and open mouthed as the four heroes tried to escape from the Witch's castle, with two chicken nugget Happy Meals in front of them completely forgotten.

They both jumped when Dorothy and her friends ran into the first set of Winkies, and Kathy couldn't help but chuckle as she took another sip of her soda.

"What's gonna happen?" Tina cried out in horror when the Witch descended upon the foursome.

"Watch!" was Eli's only answer. Tina watched patiently for several moments until the Witch held her broomstick up to the torch.

"_How 'bout a little fire, Scarecrow?"_

"No!" Tina cried out as she buried her face in Elis tiny shoulder, but was still unable to resist turning one eye towards the TV. Both children let out a sigh of relief when Dorothy threw the water on the witch and she began to slowly melt away.

Tina sat up once more and reached for a French fry to find out that her bad was still half full, and Eli had none left. She popped a fry in her mouth, and offered the rest to him, knowing it was his favorite part of the meal. He beamed a toothy grin towards her and took it, both children giggling as they ate the last the food.

They both turned back towards the TV and watched, with relieved smiles, as the story finished out. By the time it got to arguably the most famous line in movie cinema, Tina jumped from the couch and grabbed Eli's hand, her doll firmly under her hand. "Let's play Wizard of Oz!" she said, more of a command then a question. "I can be Dorothy, and you can be Scarecrow!" Eli was glad to get a reprieve from playing Cinderella, which was the only game Tina wanted to play up until now. Eli was of the opinion that Cinderella was a girls' story, and he didn't want to play the role of Prince Charming anymore. Even still, the game had made Tina so happy, so he had played it to be nice to her. They were both racing towards Eli's bedroom when the door opened, and Elliot walked in.

"Daddy!" Eli cried happily as he broke free of Tina's grasp and ran towards Elliot.

"Hey, Little Man!" Elliot said happily as he picked him up and kissed him on the cheek, ruffling his dark blonde curls. "How was your day?"

"Good! Tina's here!" he announced happily as he motioned to the small girl who stood behind the couch. Even with Munch's gift firmly in her hand, the shyness that encompassed her whenever the male Detective was near was as strong as ever. Eli leaned in close to Elliot's ears.

"Don't say anything about her hair," he whispered to Elliot so Tina couldn't hear. "It gets her really sad, and then she doesn't wanna play."

"Thanks for the warning," Elliot whispered back as if this was new information to him.

"And if you tell her she still looks pretty it makes her really happy," Eli finished in another whisper.

"Eli, you just learned the trick to surviving any fight with any girl anywhere on the planet," Elliot told him with a chuckle as he set his son down on the ground and gave a soft smile towards Tina. "Hi, Tina."

"Hi," she muttered back as a hot searing blush rose to her cheeks that Kathy couldn't help but chuckle at.

"Are you having fun?" Elliot asked, smiling at her. A nod was her only answer as she stepped further behind the couch. "That's good. You look very pretty today." He looked down at Eli and winked. Eli, who couldn't quite figure out the fine art of winking simply blinked and gave his dad a thumb's up. The color of a fully ripened tomato wasn't as red as Tina's face was right then as a shy timid smile grew on her face.

"Thank you," she muttered again.

"Good job," Eli whispered before he hurried over to Tina. "Lets go play," he told her as he grabbed her hand. Eager to get out of the eye of Elliot, she eagerly hurried after Eli.

"I think someone has a little crush on you," Kathy said with a smirk as she turned off the DVD player. "I knew one of the Bensons had it in for ya. And here I thought she just liked Eli." Elliot could only manage a weak chuckle as he threw his coat on the chair and headed into the kitchen, grabbing an ice cold beer. Kathy's face fell as he walked over to the living room again.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her tone changing at once, knowing her husband only drank within the first few minutes of being home when something had really gotten to him at work. Elliot shrugged as he took a seat in his arm chair.

"Work."

"El, come on," she sighed with a twinge of annoyance. "I've been watching the news, Tina's head was shaved, and I saw both Fin and Olivia in hospital gowns. Talk to me."

"Olivia, Fin, and Tina were kidnapped, and we found them. End of story," Elliot said. There was a finality in his tone that Kathy recognized immediately, so when Elliot turned on the TV to catch the end of the Knicks game, she let it go. He had been up to his ears in true horror all day, and if he wanted to lose himself in sports, then she would let him.

For now.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

"Higher, Eli! Like this!" Tina said, leaping higher on the mattress. Eli followed suit, missed the bed, and landed with a thump on the floor. He lay stunned for a minute before he grinned and climbed back up on the bed.

"What in the world are you two doing?" came the voice of a slightly angry Kathy. She raced down the hall and turned the corner. "Eli, no! What have I told you about jumping on the bed?" Both children stopped immediately, staring up at her with guilty faces.

"Don't do it?" Eli replied in a small voice.

"Right. You could hurt yourself, and that wouldn't be fun for anyone. Now, I think it's time for a little boy and girl to get ready for bed," Kathy said. Eli raced over to his dresser and yanked open the drawer, pulling out a set of pajamas. Meanwhile, Tina just sat on the bed and tried to figure out what to do.

"What's wrong, Tina?" Kathy asked.

"I…my jammies are at home," she said softly, almost embarrassed. "And so is my toofbrush."

"I know, Tina. Come with me…you can wear some of Eli's pajamas," Kathy said, gesturing for her to come over to Eli's dresser.

"But…those are for boys," Tina said.

"It's ok, Tina. You're just going to sleep in them, and we'll get your pajamas tomorrow," Kathy said. Eli, who had been watching the entire scene, hated to see his friend so sad. He raced over to where Kathy had the drawer open and pulled out a set of pajamas.

"Here, Tina. You can wear my Donald Duck jammies. They're my favorite," he said, handing out the treasured garments to her. There was something about the blonde little boy that seemed to be able to reach Tina on a level no one else, except possibly Olivia, could. Tina hesitantly reached out her hand and took the pajamas from Eli.

"Thanks," she said, a little sheepishly. Tina stood awkwardly, holding the clothes.

"Can I call my Mommy?" she asked, almost in a whisper.

"Tell you what. Why don't you go into the bathroom, put on your jammies and brush your teeth. I have an extra toothbrush just for you, and then when you're all ready for bed, we can call your mom," Kathy said. Tina contemplated Kathy's proposal for a minute, decided it was reasonable, and shuffled towards the bathroom with Kathy on her heels. Kathy found an extra child-sized toothbrush and helped Tina with the toothpaste. While Tina and Eli were getting ready for bed, Elliot had dragged out a twin sized air mattress, blown it up with an air pump, and made it up. He had even found an old set of Disney princess sheets one of his daughters must have had at some point, hoping that it might comfort Tina a little.

"Ok, _now_ can I call Mommy?" Tina asked as Kathy walked her back towards Eli's room.

"Go climb into bed, and yes, you can," Kathy said, pointing to the very girly-looking air mattress. Tina crossed her arms and pouted until Kathy handed her the phone, and then she climbed into bed and pushed the button with Olivia's face.

"Hi, Mommy! Guess what! We watched the end of Oz, and we had chicken nuggets, and I don't have any jammies, but Eli gave me his, and we played Oz, and I got to be Dorothy, and Eli was Scarecrow, and Uncle Elliot said I looked pretty, and I wanna go home now," Tina said in one, long, unbroken string. Tina listened as Liv spoke, and a slow pout formed on her face.

"_Baby, Momma's still sick, so you've gotta stay with Eli and Aunt Kathy,"_ Olivia told her. Back in her hospital room, she was fighting not to let the pain from her cramps echo through the phone.

"Well, how long are you gonna be sick for?" Tina asked.

"_At least another day," _Olivia told her.

"So, I have to sleep _here_?" Tina asked. Usually, when she fell asleep at the Stablers, she woke up back in her own bed at home, after Olivia and Fin picked her up long after her normal bedtime.

"_You've slept at Eli's house before, Tina. You usually have a lot of fun there,"_ Olivia reminded her.

"But, I need Blankie! And Munchy Bear! And Cinderella!" Tina whined, dangerously close to tears. She paused again.

"_Oh, Sweetheart, I think you have Blankie, and you have the doll that Uncle Munch gave you in the hospital, and I think Aunt Kathy can read you Cinderella," _Olivia said patiently.

"No!" followed by a huff and a pout, throwing the phone on the bed and crossing her arms. Now the tears really did start to fall. Kathy scooped up the phone.

"Liv?" she said. "Tina just threw the phone. Is everything ok?"

"_She'll be fine, Kath. She's cranky, and she wants her blanket, teddy bear, and usual story," _Olivia told her.

"I have her blanket," Kathy said, opening the plastic bag of personal items that had accompanied Tina. She extracted the battered pink fabric and walked over to Tina's bed, holding it out. Tina twisted away from her, until Kathy gently rubbed the fabric on Tina's arm, and she realized what it was. Tina took the object, muttered a "thanks," and buried her face in the pillow.

"_She has a doll Munch gave her…that should hopefully sub for the teddy bear, and please tell me you have a copy of Cinderella laying around somewhere,"_ Olivia said. Kathy found the doll, and while she didn't have a copy of Cinderella, she knew the story by heart, and promised Olivia that she could tell it. _"See if you can get her to talk to me again. I want to say good-night to her."_

"Give me a sec…Tina, your mom wants to talk to you. Will you talk to her?" Kathy said. Tina shook her head. As far as she was concerned, unless the next words Olivia wanted to say were that she was coming to get her, Tina didn't want anything to do with her. "Liv, she won't take the phone, but I'm going to put you on speaker." Kathy adjust the phone, and set the device next to Tina.

"_Tina?" _Olivia said. _"Baby, I know you can hear me. I love you, and we'll go home as soon as Mommy feels better, ok?"_ Olivia paused, and getting no answer from Tina, continued. _"Once upon a time, in a far off land, lived a beautiful young maiden with her stepmother and stepsisters…"_ As Olivia continued to tell the story, Tina worked through her tantrum. She finally turned and listened intently to the phone.

"Momma?" she said softly.

"_What is it Baby?"_ Olivia said, pausing her story.

"I love you," Tina said, just as softly. Olivia paused for a minute, letting the words sink it.

"_I love you, too, Baby," _Olivia answered.

"More story?" Tina asked, back to her usual, pleasant self. Olivia laughed through the phone.

"_So the Fairy Godmother waved her magic wand, and Cinderella's ragged clothes turned into a beautiful ball gown, dusted in the brightest of jewels…"_ Olivia continued. As she spoke, Tina's eyes drooped farther and farther. Eli had also been riveted by listening to Olivia's story, and his eyes were heavy, too. Before long, both children were asleep, and Kathy had ended the call with Olivia. Kathy tiptoed out of Eli's room and down the stairs, where Elliot had taken up his previous position in front of the TV.

"You want something to eat?" she asked. He had been at the hospital so late he had missed dinner. Elliot waved her away.

"Nah, I think I'm just going to finish this and go to bed," he told her.

"You sure?" she said, changing directions and moving to join him in the living room.

"Yeah," he said, once again offering up no clues as to what was going on inside his head.

"El, what happened?" Kathy asked softly.

"It doesn't matter, Kathy," Elliot told her, desperate to end this conversation. Kathy lowered herself onto the corner of the sofa closest to him.

"It does matter. She's your partner. What happened?" Kathy asked again. Elliot sighed. He was torn between wanting to shield his wife from the world he saw every day that had just drenched his personal life now, too. But yet, he was hurting, too. If this was any other case, he and Olivia would be at a bar together, huddled in a quiet booth in the back where they could both talk their way through it.

But now, his confidante and amateur therapist was his victim.

And damn the universe for that.

"You don't need that in your head, Kath," he said, taking another sip of his beer as his eyes drifted off into space.

"It's in yours," Kathy said quietly. Elliot sighed as he ran a hand over his face. He was gonna need another beer after this. Or maybe a whole six pack. But he knew Olivia would never forgive him for getting even slightly buzzed when he was watching Tina. She would have his head even knowing he had just one…

"I know I'm not Olivia, but I love you, and I want to be there for you, too," Kathy said softly. "Please don't shut me out." Elliot's eyes connected with hers. She knew he needed her before he even realized it. He was going to have to tell someone. This was just too much for him to hold to himself.

"We've been investigating this case," he muttered, "and these two white supremacists were targeting interracial families." He decided that was as far as he was going to get with the details of the other case. Kathy didn't need to hear specifics of them. "They targeted Olivia and Fin and kidnapped them and Tina." Kathy, who had been keeping up with the case via news knew this much already but remained silent as Elliot took another long swig of his beer. Elliot paused for a moment as he struggled to get the words out as he clutched the bottle tighter.

"They… they raped her, Kathy," he told her as his voice was on the verge of breaking. "They raped her over and over, and she…she had these chemical burns all over her. Fin wasn't in much better shape. When we found them, he looked like he had been beaten to hell and back, and there was a bullet hole in his right shoulder."

"Jesus," Kathy muttered as tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. "Di… did they… Is Tina..." She couldn't quite figure out how to word her question. She loved Tina like a daughter, and the mere thought of anyone hurting her filled her with the same rage she felt when the thought of hurting one of her own children came up.

Elliot shook his head. "No. They only shaved her head, but the hair will grow back. When she was in the hospital, she was begging for Liv, but I don't know if that's because she was sick, or because she was separated from Liv while they were…being held."

"Or both," Kathy added softly. Kathy looked in the direction of the hall leading to Eli's room where sounds of laughter could be heard echoing of the walls. "Poor thing," she mumbled, shaking her head. "Are Liv and Fin gonna be ok?" Elliot sighed. He still hadn't told Kathy what was really bugging him.

"There's more," he said. Kathy reached over and took his hand. He absently stroked her fingers as he recalled the details of the day.

"Olivia was pregnant. She was keeping it a secret until she was sure this one was going to make it. After what she went through with the other two, she just didn't want to get anyone too excited," Elliot said.

"She lost the baby," Kathy said, reading Elliot's expression with a keenness developed after decades of marriage.

"She didn't just lose this one, Kath. They killed it," Elliot said, ripping his hand from hers and trying find a way to vent the anger that had suddenly washed over him. He stood in the middle of the room with his back to her, and then turned around slowly. Kathy couldn't quite piece it all together, but he was struggling for words, so she simply waited patiently for him to continue. He turned back towards her. "They injected her with this…stuff. Liv's doctor said it's basically a cheap abortion method." The pain was written across Elliot's face as obvious as a neon sign would have been.

Kathy thought of her own children, especially Eli. She had loved every single one of them from the moment she found out she was pregnant. She thought about Eli's birth, the car accident that initiated her labor, and how it had been Olivia Benson who had saved her life, and quite possibly her son's.

"They killed her baby," Elliot said, so softly it was slightly more than a whisper. Kathy stood up and embraced her husband. He wrapped his arms around her, as a tear threatened to – finally – fall down his cheek. "How can anyone kill a baby like that?" he said.

"I don't know," Kathy replied. Now that Kathy had gotten him talking, he felt like the floodgates had opened.

"Olivia's just…a mess," he told her. "She'll never be the same again."

"She's strong; she may surprise you yet," Kathy told him, "but all we can do is love them all, and do whatever we can to help them."

"That's just it, Kath. I feel so helpless," Elliot confided in her.

"You're taking care of her child, and you caught the guy that did this to her. Maybe it doesn't feel like a lot, but it is, and I know she's thankful for everything. That's just the way Olivia is," Kathy told him. Now Elliot was even more uncomfortable with this conversation. He managed to persuade Kathy to let him watch the rest of the game so that he could forget about all of the horror he had seen today for the next hour.

XxXxX

_Joseph and Adam were looming over her, holding the sharp metal things they had shaved and cut her head with. Only this time, they had green skin and wore the uniforms of the Wicked Witch of the West. She kept trying to run, but she kept tripping over the too long pants of the Donald Duck pajamas she was wearing._

"_Mommy!" she called. She could hear screaming. It was her Mommy's voice._

"_Mommy!" she called again. "Help me!" She couldn't understand why she couldn't find her Mommy._

"_Where are you going, you ugly little thing?" Joseph sneered, pulling her back by her shirt. He pinned her to the ground, and she could see the glint of the metal as he brought it close to her face._

"_Maybe I should just cut your face off. You'd be a hell of a lot prettier that way," the green Joseph said._

"_Mommy!" she called again._

"Mommy!" she called. All of sudden, everything was dark, except for a yellow glow from a small light on the wall. She was in a room she didn't immediately recognize, but she was scared. Where were the green men? Were they hiding behind one of the doors? Under the bed? Then she remembered she was at Eli's house, and her Mommy was still sick and in the hospital. She wanted to go home so badly, and thinking about it made her so sad. She put her head into her hands and tried to muffle the loud, wracking sobs that overtook her tiny body. Meanwhile, a small form in the other bed stirred.

"Tina?" Eli asked softly.

"I _hic _want _hic_ my _hic _Mommy _hic_," Tina said. Eli threw his covers back and climbed down to the air mattress where Tina was sleeping.

"It's ok, Tina. I love you," Eli said, throwing his arms around her, just like his mother did when he was upset. All it seemed to do was make her cry even harder.

"I can get my Mommy, for you," Eli said. "Hold on, I'll be right back." And with that, Eli raced towards his parents' bedroom. He bolted up to the side of the bed Kathy slept on and shook her as best as he could.

"Mommy, wake up!" he hissed. Kathy stirred and cracked her eyes.

"What's wrong, Eli?" she asked.

"Tina's crying, and I don't know why," he said, his voice louder and more of a whine now. Kathy sighed and sat up. She had almost been expecting this after everything Elliot had told her. As she shifted, her movements woke Elliot, who hadn't been sleeping well, anyway.

"What's wrong, Kath?" he asked.

"Tina's crying," she said, shuffling towards the door. She thought Eli was right behind her, but he had other ideas.

"Daddy, why is Tina so sad?" he asked. "And what happened to her hair?" Elliot picked up his son and sat him down on the bed next to him. Eli needed to know something, but how could he explain what she had just been through to a four-year-old? 

"Eli, some bad men were very mean to Tina. They cut off her hair, and they didn't things that scared her," he said.

"What kind of things, Daddy?" Eli asked.

"They called her some names, and they told her she would never see her Mommy and Daddy again. It's ok now; Daddy put the bad men in jail, but Tina's still scared," Elliot explained. There, that would have to do.

"Never, _ever?_" Eli asked with wide eyes.

"That's what they told her, and that's why she likes to talk to her Mommy a lot. Everything's fine now, but she still gets scared sometimes," Elliot told his son. Eli processed this new information.

"Well, she doesn't have to be scared anymore. I'll make sure no one else is mean to her ever again," he said. Eli slid off the bed and walked down the dark hallway back to his bedroom. Little did anyone else know that this would be a night that Eli would remember for years to come.

XxXxX

Olivia bolted upright in her bed, drenched in sweat. She felt achy and uncomfortable, but she had still managed to get a few hours of sleep. She furrowed her brow, trying to figure out what had woken her so abruptly. Whatever dream she had been having faded to the recesses of her memory, and had it been a nightmare, she would have surely remembered it. No, it wasn't that.

She glanced around the darkened hospital room. She had managed to convince Fin to sleep in the extra bed in her room, leaving her alone. It had taken some coaxing, but eventually, he had given in. In the end, it was another discussion where Fin just couldn't refuse his wife. She had given the excuse that she was in pain, and it would probably just get worse through the night, and he needed his sleep. Secretly, he wondered if there was some part of her that couldn't stand to be near him anymore.

And yet, something was off. Something she couldn't put her finger on, and it was driving her crazy.

Olivia settled back down into the soft sheets of the hospital bed. She closed her eyes, and tried to sleep, but she could hear her heart pounding in her ears so loudly that she wouldn't have been surprised to see a drummer standing next to her head. She tossed and turned, until finally, the phone rang on the table next to her, and there was only one person who could be on the other end of the line.

"Tina? What's wrong, Baby?" Olivia asked without hesitation. So, this was it. Ever since Tina had been born, Olivia had always woken up just before Tina in the middle of the night. Whether she was sick, having a nightmare, or whatever else jarred her from sleep, the maternal instinct in Olivia just seemed to know when her child was upset.

"_Momma, I wanna go home now. I had a bad dream,"_ Tina replied. It was killing Olivia to hear her daughter beg to go home and not be able to grant that simple request.

"What did you dream about, Sweetheart?" Olivia asked, skirting the topic of going home for the moment.

"_The bad men came back, and they wanted to cut my face off. Momma, please come get me. I don't wanna be here anymore," _Tina cried, punctuating her words with sniffles. Olivia wanted so desperately to wrap her arms around her daughter. Had they been home, she would have slept with Tina in her small bed.

"I know, Baby. The bad men aren't going to get you again. Uncle Elliot put them in jail. You're safe with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Elliot," Olivia told her daughter.

"_But I want you!" _Tina cried. _Oh, Sweetie, I want you too,_ Olivia thought.

"I know, and as soon as Momma's better, we'll go home. I promise," Olivia said.

"_But I've been good! I eated all of my dinner, and I brushed my teeth, and I went to bed on time, and I did everything Aunt Kathy told me to do. I don't wanna stay here anymore!"_ Tina continued to wail. Olivia listened patiently as Tina whined.

"I know you've been a good girl, and you're not being punished. Momma's just sick right now. Now, can you lay down, and try to go to sleep?" Olivia asked.

"_But Momma…"_ Tina whined. Olivia knew it was pointless to argue at this point. So, she switched tactics and started to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" softly into the receiver. Gradually, Tina's cries faded into whimpers which turned to silence.

"_Olivia? She's asleep now," _Kathy told her.

"Good. If she wakes up again, call back. And thanks for calling this time," Olivia said.

"_I wasn't sure if we should wake you…" _Kathy said.

"You did the right thing. Honestly, I wasn't sleeping much any…ooo," Olivia said, wincing in pain at the end.

"_Olivia? You ok?"_ Kathy asked.

"Yeah, I just….ahhh….ok," Olivia said, taking several deep breaths. "I think the baby's starting to do something.

"_Ok, I'll let you go. Good luck," _Kathy said, hanging up the phone. Olivia glance over at the other bed and noticed that its occupant was sitting up straight, with his eyes fixed on her.

"What happened?" Fin's voice asked from the shadows.

"Tina had a bad dream, and…oh, my God," Olivia said, bending over, trying to relieve some of the discomfort in her stomach. Fin wordlessly reached behind him and pushed the call button.

"Yes, Mrs. Tutuola?" the night nurse asked.

"I think it's time to call Dr. Baker. The contractions are…FUCK!" she cried. She took several more deep breaths as the pain ripped through her.

"I'll let her know immediately," the nurse said, ducking back out into the hallway. Fin wasn't sure what he should do. She had practically pushed him away earlier, but he desperately wanted to be at her side right now.

"No…" Olivia said, as the tears came streaming down her face. Once again, the knowledge that her baby was most likely dead hit her like a truck.

"Olivia…" Fin began. Olivia sat up, and another string of expletives left her mouth as he clutched onto the rail of the hospital bed.

"FIN!" she cried.

_**I hope you're all loving the toddler mushiness as much as I am! Everything is cuter through the eyes of a kid…**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

"Dr. Baker?" a soft, female voice said in the darkness. Dr. Baker stirred and her eyes finally opened to the semi-dark lounge of Downtown Hospital. She knew Olivia would be going into labor soon, so rather than travel all the way uptown to come back again, she had decided to ride out the night in the doctors' lounge.

"Yeah?" she said in a groggy voice.

"Mrs. Tutuola's in labor," the nurse said quietly. This brought the doctor to her senses.

"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes," she said sleepily. The nurse scurried away as Dr. Baker flipped on the harsh white lights, wincing at the brightness. She quickly changed into a fresh set of scrubs, splashed some water on her face, and ran a comb through her long, brown hair. She twisted the locks up into a chignon and her crisp, white lab coat transformed her from just another sleeping woman into a doctor, ready to save lives. By the time she marched down the hall of the maternity ward, she was wide awake, and as ready as she would be to face this particular delivery.

"Hi, Olivia," she said, entering Olivia's room. Olivia was in bed, doubled over in pain with her husband, perched next to her, with an arm wrapped protectively around his wife.

"Oh, GOD!" Olivia replied. She slumped back, panting.

"Sounds like we should take a look at what's going on," Dr. Baker said. Olivia whimpered as Dr. Baker examined the part of her that she wanted to keep hidden from the world, yet she knew it was necessary. Yet, Dr. Baker completed her exam as quickly as possible.

"Ok, Olivia, you're about 2 centimeters dilated. Judging from your previous pregnancy as well as just general knowledge, I'd say we still have several more hours of labor before anything happens. If you want something for the pain, I'd be happy to arrange it," Dr. Baker explained.

"Will the drugs affect the baby?" Olivia asked, scrunching her face as another contraction ripped through her. Dr. Baker waited until the pain had subsided before she spoke.

"Olivia, you have to understand. The baby is most likely already…" she began.

"Assuming he's alive. Will it hurt the baby?" Olivia snapped. She hadn't meant to be that sharp with the doctor, but her body hurt, her daughter had just had a nightmare, and she couldn't figure out if she wanted her husband hovering over her or if she wanted to push him out the window.

"Minimal risk," Dr. Baker answered. "He'll be at far greater risk simply being delivered this soon."

"Fine. Then give me the drugs," Olivia said. Millions of women had babies every day with drugs. Olivia knew that 'minimal risk' was doctor speak for 'probably not, but we have to cover our legal asses.'

"I'll draw up the orders right away," Dr. Baker said, disappearing from the room once again.

Another hour later, and Olivia was pain-free, with an epidural delivering the blessed painkiller to her system. Fin pulled a chair over, and held her hand as tears streamed from her eyes. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, and all she could think was that this was a day she would remember forever, no matter how it turned out.

XxXxX

When Kathy Stabler awoke, the first thing she did was pad towards Eli's room to check on the two toddlers who were supposed to be sleeping. When she opened the door, she did in fact find two sleeping children, but the air mattress Tina had been tucked into was empty. Instead, both children were huddled together in Eli's bed, and Eli had his arms wrapped around Tina. As she turned to leave, she was stopped by a small voice.

"Aunt Kafy?" Tina asked. Kathy turned and went towards the little girl, putting a finger over her lips to tell her to be quiet.

"Do you want some breakfast?" Kathy whispered. Tina nodded and rubbed her eyes as Kathy scooped the child up into her arms. She headed out to the kitchen and set Tina down in the toddler seat usually reserved for Eli.

"Can I have Cheerios?" Tin asked, her voice still masked by sleep.

"I'm sorry, Honey, we don't have Cheerios. We have Fruit Loops though," Kathy said in an excited voice trying to cheer up the toddler.

Tina frowned at the offer. "That's okay," she muttered. "I'm not hungry anymore."

Kathy frowned as well as she went over and kneeled down beside her. "Sweetie, you have to eat."

"I don't wanna. Can I call Mommy?" Tina asked, looking at Kathy with wide, brown eyes.

"How about this, after you eat some cereal, I'll let you call your mommy, and then after lunch we'll go visit her, okay? But only if you eat." Tina seemed to be considering her offer carefully. Fruit Loops weren't _that_ bad really, and she promised her mommy she'd listen to Aunt Kathy. Finally after a long moment Tina sighed and nodded.

"Can I have some orange juice?" she asked, in the same small, sleepy voice. Kathy smiled, glad she was able to grant one of Tina's breakfast requests and nodded. "Sure." A little while later, with the cereal and juice long gone, they heard a soft shuffling of feet come from the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Morning, Eli," Kathy greeted her youngest as she turned to him, "How'd you sleep?"

"I need cereal," Eli, who was not a morning person by any stretch of imagination, muttered sleepily as he climbed on a chair next to Tina.

"Morning, Eli," Tina greeted cheerfully.

"Ugh," was Elis only muffled answer as he laid his arm down on the table and rested his head on it. Tina giggled.

"You're funny in the morning," she said with a grin on her face. Another, albeit thankful sounding, 'ugh' was his answer. Another few minutes passed before there was another, heavier, shuffling from the bedrooms. Kathy turned and nodded towards Elliot.

"Morning, Hon," she greeted him.

"I need coffee." Elliot muttered sleepily as he made his way over to the beloved appliance which Kathy had already set up before hand.

"You're giving your son bad habits. I hope you realize this," Kathy scolded as Elliot all but inhaled the first cup. Elliot simply shrugged as he poured himself another cup and drank half of it down in the first gulp.

"He'll grow out of it." He went over and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tight. "And good morning to you too," he muttered softly as he kissed her softly on the lips before he buried his head in the crook of her neck.

"What's with you today?" Kathy asked as Elliot pressed up tight against her. Elliot shrugged as he nuzzled her neck with his lips.

"Just wanted to say good morning to my beautiful wife."

"Uh huh. And the reason behind that is what exactly?" Kathy asked with a smirk, unable to stop the slight moan from escaping her as his lips found that one spot that made her weak in the knees.

"It's my job to ask the questions," he said with a smirk as he tightened his grasp on her and placed another kiss on her lips. "You just enjoy it." He gave her a playful swat to the ass before he headed towards the breakfast table.

"Morning," he greeted Eli and Tina. Tina blushed and looked down at the table while Eli forced himself to rid himself of the sleepiness that plagued him and sat up. It was so rare that Elliot actually sat down and ate breakfast with him that Eli forced himself to wake up more quickly than usual.

"Morning, Daddy," Eli told him with a loud yawn. "Do you have the day off?"

"Sorry, Kiddo, I don't. But I just thought I'd take the morning off to spend with my favorite guy."

"You mean Eli Manning's here?" Eli asked with wide eyes.

"No, you goofball; I meant you," Elliot chuckled as he ruffled his sons curls.

"The whole morning!" Eli asked, hardly daring to believe it, his blue eyes an exact mirror image of Elliot's widening while a beaming grin took over his smile.

"The whole morning," Elliot told him with a grin.

"Yay!" Eli cried as he clapped his hands together. "Can you make us Mickey Mouse Pancakes?"

Elliot chuckled and nodded before he turned towards a still blushing Tina. "Tina, do you want some pancakes?"

"Daddy makes 'em look like Mickey Mouse!" Eli informed her was his eyes lit up. "It's wicked cool!" Before Tina could answer Elliot's cell went off. Elliot groaned as he pulled the phone from his pocket and answered it.

"Stabler." There was silence for a moment before his eyes widened. "What the hell do you mean he could still be alive?" Kathy gasped softly as she heard the one sided conversation.

"Two percent? Munch, are you kidding me? Come on, that baby's dead," he hissed the last part far too low for anyone else to hear. After another brief silence Eliot sighed and nodded. "I swear if they get their hopes up… Wait, she's in labor NOW? I'll be right there." Without so much as a goodbye, Elliot hung up the phone, stuffed the phone into his pocket and got up from the table.

"What's going on?" Kathy demanded as she set Eli's juice in front of him. Elliot walked over to her and grabbed her gently by the arm and pulled her away from the two toddlers. "The Doctors say Liv's baby has a two percent chance of being alive."

"Two percent? Elliot, there's no way..."

"I know, I know," he interrupted. "But she's going into labor now. I gotta be there for her."

"Go," Kathy told him without a moment's hesitation. "We'll be fine here." With a quick kiss and a muttered 'thanks,' Elliot raced to grab his car keys and without so much as a goodbye towards anyone, he hurried outside, slamming the door behind him.

"Where'd Daddy go?" Eli asked, a heavy whine in his voice as the door slammed shut.

Kathy swallowed hard before she sat at her normal spot. "Daddy had to work, Sweetie. Eat your breakfast."

"But he said he'd spend the morning with me and make me Mickey Mouse pancakes!" Eli reminded her as tears filled his eyes.

"I know, but something came up. Eat your Fruit Loops, Baby." Eli responded with a whine before he crossed his arms in front of his chest, refusing to touch any sort of food that wasn't made by Elliot's hands. Tina, who understood what it was like to have one of her parents leave suddenly and break a promise because of work, reached over and grabbed Eli's hand.

"Its okay, Eli," she told him with a smile. "Your Daddy has to go help out some other little boy or girl that something bad happened to," Tina explained. It was the same explanation Olivia and Fin gave Tina whenever they had to dash out unexpectedly. Eli turned towards her and his eyes fell on her smile, and he couldn't help but give her a teary smile back before he turned back to his breakfast and, not letting go of her hand, began to slowly eat his cereal.

XxXxX

"Fuck!" Olivia groaned as a contraction ripped through her once more. The drugs she had been given had weren't helping anymore, and the pain was coming back full force.

Fin reached over and gently rubbed her back but she twisted away from him. Fin shot his hand back like he had been burned and instead gripped the metal bed post in front of her.

"It's too early," Olivia moaned as tears flooded her eyes. "He isn't supposed to be here yet."

"I know, Baby," Fin whispered softly. "It'll all be over soon." Olivia's face twisted in pain as she reached over and grasped Fin's hand like it was a lifeline. Fin tried not to let his annoyance show at the fact that one moment she was pushing him away and the other she was holding onto him like her very life depended on it. Fin reached behind her and pushed the call button, and at once Dr Baker appeared.

"She needs stronger drugs," Fin informed her. Baker nodded as she grabbed a chair and put it at the foot of her bed.

"I just need to check your progress before we talk about changing the drugs, okay?" she explained patiently. Olivia nodded as she reluctantly spread her legs.

"Yeah," Baker said as she examined her patient. "You're fully dilated. I'm paging the OR now. Just hang tight, Olivia."

"Fin," Olivia cried as Baker left the room. "I can't do this. It's too early!"

"Baby Girl, you have to," Fin told her, hating there was nothing more he could do to help her. "It'll be okay." Tears streamed down her face as she clenched his hand tighter.

"Don't leave me," she whispered faintly. Fin's face fell as he bit his lip.

"Liv, I..." Luckily the reappearance with Baker along with two other nurses stopped the need for explanation on why he couldn't be with her.

"Okay, Olivia, Dr. Tanner and the rest of our team will be meeting us in the OR. Are you ready to get this show on the road?" Baker asked patiently. Olivia's grasp on Fin tightened as she looked up at him.

"Please stay with me," she begged as more tears flooded her eyes. "I can't do this alone!"

"Baby Girl, listen to me," Fin said softly as he moved a piece of damp hair form her face. "You know me not being there and having him in the OR is the best thing for both of you. I know you can do this, Baby Girl. I know you can. And I promise you that I'll be right here the moment they bring you back, and then we're gonna see our little boy together okay? And he's gonna have so much love to deal with, there's no way anything worse can happen to him." Fin's last sentence reminded Olivia in full force exactly why she was opting out of having Fin in the delivery room with her. She nodded and took a deep breath as Fin leaned over and placed a gentle kiss no her forehead. "I love you," he whispered gently.

"I love you too," Olivia told him back as she reluctantly let go of his hand. He leaned over and gently kissed the slight bump of Olivia's stomach. "I love you," he muttered as he gently caressed her stomach before he stood up and nodded towards Dr. Baker. Baker gave a curt nod back before she turned towards Olivia.

"You ready?" she asked, giving her patient's hand a squeeze. Olivia took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and nodded. Without giving her another moment to hesitate, she was quickly wheeled out of the room, with Fin looking longingly after her. Half an hour later, Olivia was prepped for surgery with Dr. Tanner and her team of medical personnel standing by next to the sterile table the baby would be placed on after it was born with Baker and her own team huddled around Olivia who was fighting against another contraction.

"Okay, Olivia," Baker told her from her position in between Olivia's legs. "Next contraction I need you to push okay? He's a LOT smaller than a normal infant so one good push is probably all it'll take."

"No!" Olivia choked out, a sob escaping her throat, every fear she had about this delivery coming around full force. "I can't do it! Please! Please, I need my husband!"

"He can't be here for this, Olivia. You're a strong person, and I know you can do this. I'm right here, okay?"

"Please! Olivia sobbed. "Fin!" she screamed as another contraction pain threatened to overwhelm her. "Fin, please!"

"Olivia, I need you to push," Baker ordered not unkindly, but also with an air of authority in her voice that Olivia couldn't help but listen to. Closing her eyes and clenching the hand of the unfortunate nurse who was at Olivia's head, she took a deep breath, clenched her teeth, and pushed.

"She's crowning. Liz, standby," Baker ordered from her position at the foot of Olivia's bed.

XxXxX

Fin sat in the waiting room with his head bowed, every second feeling like an hour, and every minute like a lifetime. Munch was on one side of him while Tianna was on the other. Munch had a supportive hand on his back and even he knew that the seriousness of the situation shouldn't be interrupted by a joke or witty comment. Meanwhile Elliot, Simon, who Elliot had called on his way to the hospital, and Cragen sat on the chairs facing them. Cragen was silent and every so often, Elliot would mutter something to low for anyone to distinguish besides the 'Amen' at the end of it.

Five minutes turned into ten, ten turned into a half hour, a half hour grew into an hour, and one hour grew into three, and yet no word of either Olivia or the baby was given to the group. Finally, after three and a half hours of waiting, Simon stood up with an irritated sigh.

"What the hell is taking so long?" he grumbled. "Unless something went really wrong, or neither of them made it, in three and hours they'd tell us something!"

"Simon, knock it off!" Elliot barked before he turned towards Fin who was glaring harshly at his brother-in-law. Without so much as a word, Fin got up from his chair and stormed away from the on edge waiting room. Munch got up to follow but Cragen held up a hand to stop him and instead went after him himself. Cragen saw Fin pacing back and forth in the hall.

"Don't listen to Simon," Cragen told him as he approached Fin. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"He's right," Fin muttered. "It's been over three hours. Why the hell hasn't anyone told me anything yet?"

"It's a difficult delivery, Fin. You know there are going to be issues."

"I know but still. I can't take the waiting any more. If I lose her I don't…" For a moment Cragen swore he thought he saw a tear building in his Detective's eye but it was gone as soon as it came. "I don't know how I'll survive it."

XxXxX

Dr. Baker worked with lightning speed to deliver the tiny infant, get the cord cut, and immediately handed him off to Dr. Tanner, waiting just next to her.

"Go," Baker said, as soon as mother and child were separated.

"Is my baby alive? Is it a boy or a girl?" Olivia cried out as she tried to see around the crew of medical personal.

"It's a boy, Olivia," Dr. Baker answered. Still, the brunette craned her neck to see what was happening with her child.

"Is he alive?" she asked again. Meanwhile, Dr. Baker's face furrowed. She had delivered many children in her career, with some highly complicated cases. She was trying to coax the afterbirth from Olivia's body, but there was a lot of blood. Too much blood.

"Olivia, I need you to relax, ok? Just relax. We'll let you know what's happening with your son," Dr. Baker said. Meanwhile, all Olivia could make out from her son's medical team were random words like "breathing"… "pulse" … "Apgar."

"He's alive?" Olivia asked. Meanwhile, Olivia was losing blood fast. Her normal pink color was fading into chalk white. Dr. Baker was trying not to lose patience; she had seen this before. Mothers typically were more concerned with their children than their own health.

"I need suction," Dr. Baker said to a nurse. "Liz!" she yelled. "How're you doing with that baby!" Olivia's color continued to fade, and yet, it seemed important to the doctor that Olivia know the status of her child as soon as possible.

"Standby!" Dr. Tanner called across the operating room.

"Hang two units of A positive! We're losing a lot of blood here!" Baker shouted at one of her nurses, but Olivia could barely comprehend her. All of her focus was on the team that was huddling over her son. Her vision became hazy and she felt herself slowly drifting away yet she kept her full focus on Tanner's team, determined to see her son.

For one split second, one of the nurses moved slightly and Olivia saw him. He was stick thin and could have fit in the palm of one's hand, his skin was thin and translucent to the point Olivia could see through it. Angry blistered red scorches covered nearly his whole body, and he was absolutely motionless. Olivia wanted to see his chest rise and fall, but she couldn't even be sure of that. In Olivia's eyes, there wasn't a person alive that was more beautiful or perfect.

"My little boy," Olivia breathed as a beaming smile grew on her lips, despite her tiredness. "Hi, John," she cooed softly. "I'm your Mommy. I love you so much, my little Angel." Keeping her eyes on the newborn, Olivia's eyes shut and she gave into the tiredness that overwhelmed her, worry still on her face.

"Olivia? Olivia, can you hear me?" Baker called to her loudly. When she received no response Baker swallowed hard before she turned towards the machine.

"BP at 60/40 and falling. Pulse is rapid, but weak," a nurse reported.

"She's losing too much blood," Baker announced as she turned back towards her patient, struggling to stop the immense blood flow that seemed to have no ceasing point. "Get her started on oxygen and where the hell is that A pos?"

"Transfusion line started," one of the nurses told her as she finished adjusting Olivia's IV. Dr. Baker suctioned away as much of the excess blood as she could, but still couldn't find an obvious cause for the blood loss.

"I need to get in there. Dr. Navarro, prep her for emergency surgery," she ordered. Dr. Navarro was Olivia's anesthesiologist. She wasn't expecting to have to operate on Olivia, but she had pulled an anesthesiologist onto her team just in case. God only knew what Black had done to her, and she wasn't going to take any chances. Dr. Navarro flew into action, ensuring that Olivia was unconscious and would remain that way until they were finished working.

"She's out, Doctor," Dr. Navarro reported.

"Scalpel," Baker demanded as she held her hand out and at once the sharp instrument was placed in her hand. "Opening, now," Baker announced as she made a thin incision along Olivia's bikini line.

"My God," Dr. Baker said through her mask, once she was inside, and the fluids were cleared away. Dr. Navarro stood next to her, and while he wasn't an obstetrician, he knew that a uterus wasn't supposed to look like that.

"What do we do, Doctor?" he asked, ready to follow any order she gave. This was an obstetrics case; therefore, the obstetrician was in charge. Baker bit her bottom lip as she struggled to think of any possibility besides the one she knew for sure would fix her, but at the same time, she knew Olivia would never forgive her for going this drastic.

When the heart monitor began beeping rapidly to show that Olivia's life was literally slipping away with every drop of blood that came from her, Baker knew what she had to do.

"I can't fix it. We're going to have to remove her uterus," Baker muttered, just loud enough for her team to hear her. "She's losing too much blood." For a split second, Baker turned and towards Tanner and their eyes met briefly. Tanner gave Baker a supportive smile through the mask and a curt nod to let her know she had done the right thing before she turned back to her own patient.

XxXxX

"First off, you're not going to lose her," Cragen told Fin. "Second, if you do, you have your daughter and possibly a second child to think about. Olivia would never forgive you if you let anything happen to either of them because you're upset over her." Fin took a deep breath before he nodded.

"I know, I just… I need an answer, Cap. I can't stand not knowing."

"It'll come, Fin, you just have to be patient." Fin sighed as he ran a hand through his brutally close cut.

"I'm sick of being patient."

"I know but…" Then, as if on cue, Elliot appeared around the corner.

"Docs are here with the news," he said hurriedly. Fin sprinted down the hall with Cragen right behind him. They ran towards their small group that was huddled around the two doctors, one of which Fin didn't recognize, the other being Dr Baker."

"How's Olivia?" Fin demanded not wasting any time on common niceties, struggling to ignore the pained look in Baker's eyes. "Is she okay? What about my child?" Baker took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Fin, your wife lost a lot of blood during the delivery. She's going make a full recovery," she assured him quickly, "but, the chemicals they used on your wife's skin that burned her…do you know if there was any way they could have gotten inside her?" Dr. Baker asked. Fin swallowed hard.

"They…they put that stuff everywhere. One of them practically dumped it in her…inside her," Fin struggled to get out. Dr. Baker nodded, as if he had just given her the final piece of the puzzle.

"She started losing a lot of blood post-delivery. We had to open her up to find the source of the bleeding, and her uterus was covered in the same sort of burns as the rest of her skin, weakening the tissue significantly. The stress of childbirth was just too much, and the weakest points ruptured." Fin was trying hard to understand what Dr. Baker was telling him, but it was just medical nonsense to him. "In order to control the bleeding, we had to perform a hysterectomy." Fin's whole head was spinning. Olivia was going to survive but… but that meant…

"She can never get pregnant again?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry, Fin. We did everything we could to control the bleeding before we went for the last resort, but we couldn't jeopardize Olivia's life," she said sympathetically.

"She's gonna be heartbroken," Fin muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Does she know yet?"

"Not yet. She's still out from the anesthesia, but I'll inform her once she wakes up," Dr. Baker told him. Damn, she was sick of giving this family bad news. Fin nodded once more.

"So how's the baby? Is he gonna be okay?"

"They're still working on him, but I'll be honest with you. It doesn't look good. Dr. Tanner will be with you as soon as she's able to with a full report," she explained. Fin swallowed hard as he looked into her eyes, hardly able to believe her words.

"My… My son is alive? And it's a boy?" Fin asked. Baker nodded.

"Yes, it's a boy, and yes, he's alive but again, it's EXTREMLEY touch and go at the moment." Fin nodded, his heart beginning to race. His son was alive. That monster didn't kill him after all. Fin KNEW his baby would be okay. He had to be in order to make it through the hell that they had inflicted on him. His son was strong, just like his mama.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

With both toddlers fed and dressed, Kathy began her morning routine, attempting to beat back the laundry and clutter monsters before they overtook the entire house. If she didn't do at least a little every day, she feared her home would be featured on the next episode of Hoarders.

"Aunt Kafy, Aunt Kafy! Can we go see Mommy now?" Tina asked, racing into the kitchen. The child was so full of excitement that she was practically jumping up and down.

"I'll tell you what," Kathy said, dripping her chores and crouching down to Tina's level. "Why don't you and Eli use his crayons to make a card for your Mommy and Daddy? I bet they would really like that." Tina's face fell slightly.

"Can…can I call her?" Tina asked. Kathy sighed. She knew Olivia was in labor. There was no way she was going to be able to handle a phone call. And yet, she had promised her daughter that she would always take the call.

"Let me call the hospital and see if she's awake to answer the phone," Kathy tried to explain.

"But…she said I could call any time," Tina said, her face falling even farther.

"I know, but let me check first, ok? You go get started on that card with Eli," she said, giving Tina a slight nudge in the direction of Eli's room. Tina hung her head and dragged her feet, but she was moving. She got as far as doorframe before she stopped. Thinking that Tina had, in fact, left the room, Kathy dialed Elliot.

"Hey, it's me. How's she doing?" Kathy asked, trying to keep her voice low.

"_She's…not good. They took her into an OR about two hours ago, but we haven't heard anything. Everything ok there?" _ Elliot informed her.

"We're fine, but Tina wants to see Liv. She asked if she could call, but…" Kathy trailed off.

"_Well, do the best you can. I'll call the minute I know anything else," _Elliot answered before hanging up. Kathy had wanted to ask about the baby, but Elliot had been so abrupt she didn't have a chance. Kathy turned to check on the two toddlers, and found Tina just outside the doorway, clutching her blankie to her chest.

"My Mommy's not coming back, is she?" she asked in a whisper. Kathy crouched down to Tina's level again.

"Tina…" she began.

"NO!" Tina screamed and immediately turned and ran for Eli's room. She crouched in a corner of the room, buried her head in her blankie, and sobbed with every bit of energy she had. Eli, who had been happily putting together a Lego truck, dropped the piece in his hand and walked over to her. He sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's ok, Tina. Don't be sad," he told her.

"My _hic _Mommy's _hic _not _hic _coming _hic _back _hic_," she told him as tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

"Tina," Kathy said, rounding the corner, finally catching up with them.

"Tina's Mommy's not coming back?" Eli asked, looking up at Kathy with big blue eyes.

"Tina's Mommy is going to be just fine. Tina, you're Mommy's asleep right now, and the doctor's don't want to wake her up. I still think she'd like a picture from you. Maybe you could do that, and after lunch, we can go to your house and pick up some of your clothes, and then we'll go to the hospital and see her," Kathy suggested.

"I wanna _hic_ talk to _hic_ her…" Tina said again, calming down a little. Kathy sighed. Reaching into her pocket once again, she pressed redial. Tina immediately started to reach for the phone, while Kathy tried to prevent the tiny hands from wrenching the phone from her grip.

"_Yeah, Kath?"_ Elliot asked, sounding sort of distant.

"Hey, listen, is Fin nearby? We're having a bit of a…situation, and maybe he can reassure Tina," Kathy explained.

"_Sure, hold on a sec." _Kathy waited until Fin was on the line before handing the phone to Tina.

"Mommy?" Tina asked.

"_Hey, Baby, it's Daddy. How are you?" _Fin asked from the other end of the line. Tina's face twisted into a slight frown.

"Daddy? Where's Mommy? Is she with you?" she asked.

"_Yeah, Baby, but she can't talk right now,"_ Fin explained.

"Did the bad men get her again?" Tina asked, lowering her voice to nothing more than a hushed whisper.

"_Tina, I want you to listen to me carefully, ok? Uncle Elliot and Uncle Munch put the bad men in jail. They're never going to go near you or Mommy again, ok?"_ Fin said, trying to reassure his child.

"Are you _sure_?" Tina asked.

"_Absolutely. Besides, Daddy's right here to make sure Mommy comes home really soon, and I promise, you can come see her later and give her a big hug, ok?"_ Fin said.

"Ok, Daddy," Tina said. There was still a slight pout on her face, but the worst of her tantrum had passed.

"_Can you let Daddy talk to Aunt Kathy for a minute?"_ he asked. Tina wordlessly handed the phone to Kathy

"Fin?" Kathy said, taking the phone.

"_Hey Kath, listen, they haven't told us a thing about Olivia. I know you were planning to bring Tina up today, but…"_ he began.

"Say no more. Have Elliot let me know when she can have visitors. Tina's absolutely desperate to see her," Kathy said.

"_Well, the thing is, Olivia…they were pretty rough on Olivia and Tina. Look, I know she's scared, but I also know that Liv wants to see her,"_ Fin said.

"It's fine, Fin. Just keep us posted," Kathy said. The two said their good-byes, and the phone call ended. While Kathy had been talking to Fin, Eli had managed to convince Tina to sit his small table, and the two of them were happily scribbling on white paper.

XxXxX

"Time of death, 12:03pm," Dr. Tanner said glumly in the still operating room. Almost reverently, she pulled a sheet over the tiny body and left him on the operating table as her team began packing up their supplies. As she exited the OR, she found Dr. Baker waiting for her just beyond the sterile barrier.

"He didn't make it," Baker said. It was a statement, not a question. Tanner shrugged.

"It was worth a shot. For what it's worth, he actually had a pulse for nine minutes before we lost him," she said. "I've never treated a child that young, and the youngest I've ever seen survive was 22 weeks, and that was a miracle."

"Hang on, you said he had a _pulse_?" Baker asked. Tanner nodded. "Then Victoria didn't kill him. She tried, but it didn't work. I should have stopped the labor, or tried to lower her sodium levels, or…"

"Steph, stop it. There was no fetal heartbeat that we could detect, and to be honest, it was pretty faint. He was down to his last hours anyway. Nothing either of us could have done differently would have saved him. Besides, didn't you run into complications with the mother?" Baker nodded, remembering the condition Olivia's uterus had been in.

"Her uterus was a mess. The only thing we could do is remove it," Dr. Baker said, recalling her own surgery.

"How do you want to tell the parents? I can go talk to them, if you'd prefer," Tanner offered.

"No, I need to tell Olivia. It was my fault that she got her hopes up, so I need to look her in the eye when they're shattered," Baker said.

"Well, I'll go inform the father then," Tanner said.

XxXxX

Dr. Tanner took a deep breath before pushing through the wide double doors separating the waiting room and entry area from the main part of the hospital. Instantly, several heads snapped towards her direction.

"My son, how is he?" Fin said, rushing towards her.

"Mr. Tutuola," she began. "Your son was extremely underdeveloped. Your wife was barely out of her first trimester."

"He didn't make it," Fin said bluntly. Dr. Tanner steeled her jaw and swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," she said gently.

"Did he…I mean, was he stillborn?" Fin asked.

"Your son had a pulse for 9 minutes before we lost him." Dr. Tanner informed him. "He was just too small."

"So… so if that bitch hadn't injected Olivia with that… that crap, my son would still be alive?" he asked.

"There's no way to know for sure," Dr. Tanner informed him. Fin's hands balled into fists as rage boiled inside him. He knew, with every ounce of his being, that his son would still be alive and healthy inside his wife if it hadn't been for Victoria Black. His little boy would have been born when he was supposed to, and Fin would have been right there next to Olivia when he was. Without another word, he turned away from Tanner.

"Odafin," Tianna began, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Baby..."

"Not now, Mama," he snapped before he stormed away from the small group.

"I got him," Cragen told the older woman who looked heartbroken not only at losing of her third grandchild in a row, but for the pain that her son was going through. Tianna swallowed any dispute and instead simply nodded as Cragen took off after his Detective.

Fin figured that if he could get through the door, he would be away from all of the people who expected him to hold in his emotions. And he needed a release. He needed to scream or punch something or break something. He needed a way to let out all of the anger that he felt towards the one woman who had murdered his son and destroyed his chances for any future children. And more importantly, he had to find a way to deal with his own anger before he laid eyes on Olivia.

Olivia.

She was going to be absolutely shattered by this. Losing her son and her ability to have any more children in one fell swoop made everything else she had suffered pale by comparison.

Fin slammed open a fire exit and found himself in a back alley of the hospital surrounded by trashcans. He ran a trembling hand over his close cropped hair before, his breath coming in short gasping pants s he went over and kicked over one of the large metal cans, sending it loudly flying down the alley way. Sobs hitched in his throat as he paced up and down for a long moment, trying to find some way to release the anger he felt.

Never before in his life had he wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill Victoria Black. He wanted to take his gun shove it in her and pull the trigger until the clip was empty. Maybe then she'd understand an inkling of the pain she put him and his wife through. Hell maybe he'd set a match to the bitch so she'd feel the pain she put her son through as well.

God he wanted to kill her…

"FUCK!" Fin roared as he took his fist and began pounding the brick wall in front of him, the blinding crippling pain in his hand actually relieving some of his stress. With every hit of the stone, he pictured a moment with his son he'd never get to have thanks to her.

Holding him for the first time _punch_, teaching him how to ride a bike _punch_, cheering him on at his first football game _punch_, and every other thing he never got to do with Ken because he either wasn't there or Theresa wouldn't let him.

The wall in front of him morphed into a vision of a smiling young boy a shade lighter than Tina with his eyes and he punched harder, the pain completely numb to him now.

Only when he felt a force grab him by the hand did the vision fade.

"Fin, stop!" Cragen shouted as he twisted him around to face him. "Look what you're doing to yourself!" Fin looked at his now broken and bloody hand but that physical pain was minimal to the pain he felt over his wife and son. Fin stared for a long moment before he turned back to Cragen, tears heavy in his eyes not from the pain in his hand, but the pain in his heart.

"My son's gone, Captain," Fin breathed as a tear slowly made its way down his face. "John's gone and I never even got to hold him…"

"It's alright, Son," Cragen told him softly as he clapped him on the shoulder. "It's gonna be okay." As hard as Fin struggled not to release the wild range of emotions that had plagued him since he had walked into his bedroom to find his girls with guns to their heads, from anger to sorrow to grief, he couldn't hold it in anymore. Even calling himself a pansy inside his own mind, Fin let out a sob and threw his arms around Cragen.

"He's dead!" Fin choked out. "My son is dead! Oh God, what the hell did I do to be put through this!"

"It's alright," Cragen muttered softly as he clapped his Detective on the back. "None of this is your fault, Fin. It's alright, Son…" No matter what anyone said, in Fin's mind, he knew he was partially to blame for his family's heartache. Cragen was just giving him the same lip-service he gave all victims, and yet, there was always something that could have – and maybe should have – been done differently. He also knew he'd have to be the strong one for Olivia when he saw her. It was his duty as his husband and a man to be strong for his wife so she could rely on him to help her through this. But right then, in the alley way, Fin knew he needed to fall apart, even if it was for a short period of time. He needed to be the weak one for once, and he would never be able to thank Cragen enough for letting him break in front of him…

XxXxX

"Olivia, hi…" Dr. Baker said with a warm smile as Olivia's eyes opened. She didn't want to put Fin in the position of having to answer any of her questions, so she had restricted visitors and personally waited until Olivia woke up to tell her what happened. Already, Olivia knew something was different. Her stomach felt empty, hollow. Perhaps it was just a trick of her imagination, but whatever it was, she didn't like it.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Baker asked.

"I feel…ok," Olivia replied, and it was true. Dr. Baker had her on a pretty decent regiment of painkillers, so Olivia probably wasn't feeling much of anything at this point. "My baby…how is he?"

"Olivia, it was a long shot…" Dr. Baker began.

"He was alive! I heard Dr. Tanner say she had a pulse!" Olivia cried.

"He did. Olivia, his injuries were simply too extensive, and he was too underdeveloped. Dr. Tanner did everything she could." Olivia sighed and squeezed her eyes shut as she leaned back against the pillows. She had done everything she could to give her son a shot at life, but it wasn't enough. "Olivia, there's more," Dr. Baker continued. Olivia raised her head slightly.

"You…you lost consciousness during the delivery process. You lost more blood than you're supposed to, but we couldn't find the source of the bleed. I did exploratory surgery to find the source of the bleeding," Dr. Baker said. Olivia's face displayed her dread as plainly as day.

"What did you find?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"The same chemical burns on your body were present on parts of your uterus as well, and the tissue near a major blood vessel was destroyed beyond repair," Dr. Baker explained. "If it was left untreated, you would have died."

"So, if the tissue was damaged, how did you fix it?" Olivia asked.

"Your uterus was removed. Now, you can live a perfectly normal life without…" Dr. Baker said, rushing into the next part of her statement.

"You _what?_" Olivia exclaimed.

"Olivia, I know you're upset, but…" Dr. Baker said. Olivia shifted her eyes towards the doctor, and her fury was written in them quite clearly. Her jaw was set, and her face was void of any emotion, except perhaps anger.

"Leave," she said quietly.

"Olivia, listen to me. You're going to be fine. There are other options for…" Dr. Baker said.

"I said, 'leave,'" Olivia repeated, far more forcefully this time. Dr. Baker held up her hands in surrender.

"Ok, I'll go. But, page me if you want to talk," Dr. Baker said, turning quickly on her heel and leaving the poor woman to grieve in peace.

Olivia's head sank into the pillow as this new information kicked around in her brain. Her son had actually been born alive, but now he wasn't. And not only that, but she would never have another baby again. She felt like she should cry. A week ago, the worst part of her life was Tina's annoying habit of playing with the toothpaste instead of actually brushing her teeth. And now…well, that just seemed so long ago. And yet, maybe it was just sheer exhaustion or emotional shutdown, but she just didn't want to cry anymore. She didn't want Fin near her either, or anyone else for that matter. At this point, she wanted to either open her eyes and discover that this was all one whopper of a nightmare, or she wanted to close them and never open them again. Either way, she was cursing her heart for continuing to stubbornly beat through this version of reality.

"Hey…" came a familiar voice following a very soft rap on the door.

"Go away, Fin," she said, rolling over to face the window, away from him. He was carrying a bouquet of lilies – Olivia's favorite flower – wrapped in cellophane, recently purchased from the hospital gift shop, albeit with some difficulty due to the sling around his right arm and now bandaged left hand.

"I'll just…go find something to put these in…" he said. Getting no reaction from her, he made his way to the bathroom and rummaged around until he found an extra water pitcher, which he added water to and carefully arranged the flowers. Seeing her like this, though, was practically ripping him apart. He stood in the bathroom, gripping the sink, willing his own emotions down so that he could be strong for Olivia. It was bad enough that he lost his son; he couldn't bear to lose his wife too. When he was convinced he was composed enough to face her, he went back into her room.

"I brought some flowers for you," he said, setting them on the small table next to her bed. "They're your favorite." Still, no movement from Olivia.

"I don't want them," she said, and immediately wished she could take it back. He was trying to be supportive, and she knew that, but she just wanted everyone to leave her alone. Why couldn't they understand that?

"Olivia…" he began, but she wouldn't let him get farther than that.

"I just want to be alone," she said in a tone still void of emotion.

"I lost John too, Liv," he said, taking a chair next to her. Her back was still to him, but he wasn't going anywhere.

"I don't want to talk about it," she told him, growing more and more irritated by the minute.

"Ok, so we can talk about something else," he suggested with a shrug. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"Dammit, Fin, go AWAY!" she said, finally turning to face him. He couldn't recall the last time he had seen her this angry. Her eyes were cold and filled with hate, and the expression on her face sent shivers down his spine – and not the fun kind of shivers.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her sympathetically, but firmly. "I know we're both hurting and you need to talk about this."

"I said I don't want to talk about it! Just let me forget about him!" she yelled.

"He has a name," Fin replied softly.

"HAD a name!" she barked back as tear filled her eyes. "Okay, Fin? Our son HAD a name! He's gone now!"

"I don't care," Fin told her in the same soft tone, being met with another frightening gaze. "As long as we love him, just like we still love Taylor and Jordan, John's here with us. I don't care how he was taken."

"Stop it," Olivia begged, her tone slowly shifting from anger to pleading, yet her fury was still extremely evident.

"Look, what happened isn't fair, and I know you've taken the brunt of it. How you managed to survive all of that, I'll never know, even though I was there. Really, Liv, I love you more today than I did even a week ago. But even as resilient as you are, I know we're both hurting, and I want to be right here, to pick up those pieces with you." Fin told her. Her expression softened, but she still didn't say anything. It was somehow easier to be angry than to face her real pain.

"John was my son, too, Liv. I wanted to see him grow up with Tina. I wanted to see the two of them play together, and take them to baseball games, and teach him how to be a man…" he said.

"Stop it," she snarled. "Just stop it! He's gone, ok?" A stony silence filled the room.

"I know, Liv," he said softly. He gently raised her chin so that he could see her eyes. "The question is, do you?" It was as if someone had flicked a switch inside her. His damn sweetness, and the overwhelming amount of compassion he had caused her eyes to swell with tears until they spilled over.

"Come here," he whispered, gathering her into his arms. As he reached for her, he climbed onto the bed so that he could hold his wife as wracking sobs escaped her body.

"I want my son back," she wailed. "I want my son…" All he could do was hold her while she cried, gently stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head, telling her over and over the one thing neither of them believed at that moment: that it was all going to be ok.

XxXxX

"Dr. Tanner, could I speak with you for a minute?" a dark-haired woman asked, flashing a gold badge. Dr. Tanner had just sat down in the cafeteria for an overdue lunch. She gestured to the cop to join her.

"Sure, as long as you don't mind while I grab some lunch," she said. The other woman smiled.

"Dana Lewis, FBI," she finally said, introducing herself. "I'm working the Tutuola case." Tanner shook her head.

"Agent Lewis, I'm very sorry, but I can't discuss that without permission or a court order," Tanner said.

"I won't ask anything that you can't share. I heard that Olivia delivered the baby," Agent Lewis began.

"I can't…" Dr. Tanner said.

"I already know she did, Doctor. I'm not asking for your confirmation. I just need to know one thing: did the baby take a breath? Now, to ease your conscience, it would be easy enough to find out one the Department of Vital Statistics receives their paperwork. Time is of the essence, in this case, though," she said. Tanner sighed. Agent Lewis was right. The contents of a birth or death certificate weren't confidential.

"If what your asking me is if he meets the legal definition of being a person, the answer is yes. He lived outside of his mother's womb, had a pulse, and took a breath, and he will be issued a Certificate of Live Birth."

"Is he still alive?" Agent Lewis asked.

"No. I'm sorry, Agent Lewis, but I can't give you anymore details than that without the permission of the parents," Tanner said. And to make absolutely sure she didn't divulge anything more, she picked up her tray and walked away.

It didn't matter, though. Dana had all of the information she needed.

_**I know…you all wanted the baby to live. In all honesty, this was planned from the beginning of the story.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Dr. Baker was trying not to be too hard on herself. Too keyed up from the Tutuola case, she headed back to the clinic in an attempt to be useful to someone on this fantastic failure of a day. In retrospect, she decided it would have been easier to just allow Olivia to believe the baby was dead all along instead of building her up on the remote chance that the baby had still been alive.

"DAMN IT!" she roared, banging her fist against the steering wheel. That felt good. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she sat at red light. She became an obstetrician because, on most days, she got to give more good news than bad news. But then there were days like today that just plain sucked. As the light turned green, she continued to creep her way uptown towards the clinic. She was bound to have a backlog of patients, many of whom were first-time mothers who were extremely nervous about their pregnancies.

When Dr. Baker reached the clinic, instead of heading straight for her own office, she stopped in Victoria Black's instead. The sparseness of the office made it seem cold and impersonal. Where Dr. Baker had a sleek, modern desk made of light materials and glass that practically disappeared in the office, the same acrylic-topped desk looked like a block of ice in this office. Instead of a comfortable, vibrant sitting area, Dr. Black had decorated in solid black with cold chrome accents, selecting the most uncomfortable furniture she could find. In fact, the only thing that looked inviting in the entire office was the ostentatious black leather chair behind the desk. In one corner, the office staff had stacked the boxes of methotrexate mysteriously ordered by Black.

Dr. Baker plucked the drug information card from the shipping papers and lowered herself into one of the rock-hard chairs as she started to read it. _This product is not intended for use in pregnant or nursing women,_ the pamphlet read. Dr. Baker wasn't particularly surprised by this line, as it was commonly found in most drug information sheets. _For use in the treatment of certain types of cancers, including..., _the pamphlet continued. This was the part that puzzled Dr. Baker. Even the cases of ovarian and uterine cancer were referred to oncologists. She had worked closely with oncologists in the treatment of some of her patients, but chemotherapy was never administered here. The answer was held by those patients to whom it had been administered to.

Dr. Baker took the pamphlet with her and headed towards her own office to access the patient history from her own computer. She entered the drug, and the commands to bring up a list of all patients that had been administered methotrexate in her clinic.

_No results found. _

Her brow furrowed as she stared at the message on the screen. That was impossible. She tried again, this time searching for a list of patients who had been prescribed methotrexate. Surely if Dr. Black had ordered it, someone must be walking around with a prescription.

_2 results found. Browne, Michelle. Simmons, Dorothy._

She didn't even need to bother with Dorothy Simmons. Mrs. Simmons, a 47-year-old woman, was one of Baker's patients who was being treated for an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. However, her treatments were administered at Mercy General Hospital, so the prescription existed, but had never been filled at the Manhattan Family Clinic. Michelle Browne was one of Dr. Black's patients, so she opened the patient chart. Michelle was in her thirties and diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her chart listed all of the lab results and tests that had been performed, and as Dr. Baker poured over the raw data, she came to the same conclusion. But again, she was being treated at Mercy, not here.

And yet, she felt like the answer was somewhere in front of her, but she just couldn't quite wrap her mind around it.

XxXxX

"MOMMY!" Tina shrieked as she ran towards the hospital bed containing a very sore Olivia. Tina quickly climbed onto the chair next to the bed and up next to Olivia.

"Hi, Baby," Olivia said, smiling for the first time in a while. Her sadness was temporarily lessened by the presence of the tiny child next to her. She wrapped her arms around Tina and held her as if her very life depended on it.

"Mommy…you're hurting me…" Tina said with a slight frown. Olivia released her grip slightly, mumbling an apology, but still held Tina close.

"Hi, Olivia," Kathy said, standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Kathy. Thanks for bring her in," Olivia said, trying her best to feign happiness. Kathy noticed that Olivia's eyes were swollen and her face was still red and streaked with tear stains.

"No problem. In fact, why don't I find Elliot and grab a cup of coffee so you two can spend some time together," Kathy said.

"Thanks, Kathy," Olivia said. She turned her attention back towards the child wrapped in her arms.

"I wanna go home, Mommy," Tina said the minute Kathy left.

"Oh, I know you do, Sweetheart. But aren't you having fun with Eli?" Olivia asked. Tina shrugged.

"He's ok. But I wanna sleep in my princess room and watch Cinderella and play with my Barbie and wear girl pajama and sleep with Munchy Bear," Tina whined. "And I want you to read me my story and sing to me and…and…and…um…"

"Ok, ok, I get it," Olivia said with a chuckle. "I wanna go home, too."

"Then let's go!" Tina said, taking Olivia's hand and starting to drag her out of bed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Olivia said, pulling Tina back to her. "I can't leave just yet." Tina huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Why not?" she pouted. "You don't look sick to me."

"Tina, Mommy just…Mommy's…" Olivia was trying to bite back the tears as her brain searched for a way to explain what was happening to her young daughter. "The doctors want to make sure Mommy is completely better before I can go home. You don't want me to get sick again, do you?"

"Did the bad men make you sick?" Tina asked in a fearful whisper. Olivia's voice caught in her throat and tears pricked at her eyes. She didn't want Tina to see her cry, but she was dangerously close to losing control over it. So, she simply nodded.

"Hey, listen," Olivia said, changing the topic. "Daddy doesn't have to stay at the hospital anymore, so you can go home with him."

"But I want you. Can I stay here with you?" Tina asked.

"Don't you want to go home with Daddy?" Olivia asked. Tina huffed. She was frustrated because Olivia just didn't understand.

"I want BOTH of you to come home," Tina said.

"So do I, Baby. So do I," Olivia said softly, hugging Tina again.

XxXxX

"So, how is she?" Kathy asked as she sat across from Elliot in the hospital cafeteria. Two steaming Styrofoam cups sat in front of them filled with bad coffee that neither paid much attention to.

"It was bad, Kath," Elliot answered, fidgeting with the spoon as he gathered his thoughts.

"They took her down there, and…everything that could've gone wrong did, it seems like," he told her.

"What happened?" Kathy asked softly.

"The baby…he was born alive," Elliot said, still in a slight state of disbelief that this had happened at all. "He lived for 9 minutes, the doctor said before he…" Kathy reached out and covered his hand with one of hers. "He never stood a chance." Kathy had expected this sort of outcome, but it didn't make the news any easier to process.

"How did Olivia and Fin take it?" she asked. Elliot sort of shrugged before he answered her.

"Fin tried to beat up the side of the hospital and did a number on his good hand, but Liv…Olivia wanted that child so bad," he told her. His heart was breaking for her. He had gotten just as excited as she had over the prospect of being pregnant again.

"That's horrible. But, they've been down this road before. They'll be ok, with time," Kathy assured him.

"No, Kath…this time…Olivia can't have any more children," Elliot blurted out. Kathy's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"She…there were complications with the delivery. They had to operate, and she lost her uterus," Elliot explained to her. Kathy's jaw dropped, and she quickly covered her mouth. "Fin's been trying to talk to her, but she just doesn't want to talk to him. All he wants to do is grieve with her and support her, and she just keeps pushing him away."

"That's why Fin wasn't with her when I dropped Tina off," Kathy concluded. Elliot nodded.

"It's understandable. She and I have both seen this thousands of times. A woman is raped, and she starts to push every man in her life away, including her boyfriend or husband. But Fin has a right to mourn his child, too," Elliot told her.

"They really put her through the ringer, didn't they?" Kathy asked softly.

"I just don't know if she'll ever be the same again," Elliot said glumly.

"She probably a won't be the same again, but she's strong. She'll get through this, with the love and support of her friends and family." Kathy assured him.

All Elliot could was smile, and be secretly grateful that nothing like this had ever happened to his wife or children.

XxXxX

"How're my two favorite girls?" Fin asked with a smile as he entered Olivia's room.

"DADDY!" Tina exclaimed, but she was reluctant to abandon her place on Olivia's hospital bed.

"I have a special surprise for you, Princess," he said.

"What is it?" Tina asked suspiciously.

"We're going home," he said.

"Really? When?" she asked, bouncing excitedly. Next to her, Olivia clutched her aching belly and wrapped an arm around Tina to settle her.

"Easy, Baby...it hurts when you do that," she told Tina.

"We're going home tonight, Tina. You and me," Fin told her. A puzzled look crossed Tina's face.

"What about Mommy?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, Mommy's going to have to stay here for just a little while longer, but we can go home, and you can sleep in your own bed again. How does that sound?" he said.

"Don't you wanna go home with Daddy?" Olivia asked, pulling her daughter closer to her.

"Well...I really want you to. Come home with us," Tina explained.

"Oh, I know you do, Sweetheart. I want to come home with you, too. But, you'll have a good time with Daddy, and I'll be home before you know it," Olivia said, trying to cheer Tina up as much as she could.

"I guess," Tina said glumly. She was happy to finally be going home, but she just didn't seem happy unless Olivia was present.

"You know, I could stay, if you want," Fin said,offering his company once again. And yet, Olivia still didn't want to spend much time with him. It hurt, but he was trying to understand where she was coming from, and he knew that it would take her a while to relax enough to want truly feel comfortable again.

"No, it's ok. Tina needs to go to bed soon," Olivia answered, in the same detached tone she had before.

"All right. Kathy headed back to Queens, but Elliot said he'd stay with you through the night, in case you need anything," Fin told her.

"Thanks," was her only reply.

XxXxX

Fin put the key in the lock and took a deep breath as he threw the lock on the apartment door. He knew that the police would have gone over everything while they were missing, and he wasn't sure what kind of shape the place would be in now. as the door opened, he took in the absolutely pristine condition of the apartment, and thanked his lucky stars that his friends must have clean up after the crime scene techs had finished their work.

"Ok, Tina," he said, lowering her to the floor. "I think it's time to get you into your pajamas." He took her gently by the hand and led her into her bedroom. He began the familiar bedtime ritual Olivia usually handled and led her over to the bureau. "Which pajamas do you want to wear tonight?" he asked. Tina shrugged and clutched her doll closer to her. Kathy had been kind enough to bring along Tina's things when they met at the hospital.

"Minnie Mouse?" Fin suggested, pointing to one set. Tina shook her head. "Cinderella?" he tried again. Tina shrugged again. "Winnie the Pooh?". Again, Tina shrugged.

"I want Mommy," Tina finally said softly.

"I know you do," Fin said. And suddenly, and idea struck him. "Stay here for a minute, Tina," he said, racing from her room. He headed to his own bedroom where he yanked open Olivia's drawer and quickly found what he was looking for: a battered NYPD T-shirt with "Benson" stenciled across the back that Olivia loved to wear around the house.

"Tina, how would you like to wear this to bed tonight?" he asked, holding up the T-shirt. Tina's face lit up immediately.

"Can I?" she asked excitedly.

"Sure," Fin said, helping her into the oversized shirt. She was so small, the shirt swam on her and hung down to her knees, but she didn't care. Wearing that particular shirt was like having a piece of her mother right there with her, as demonstrated by the enormous grin on her face.

"Daddy, read me a story," Tina said, anticipating the next step of the routine. fin had forgotten to make sure she brushed her teeth, but since that was Tina's least favorite part of getting ready for bed, she didn't bother to mind him.

"Ok, Baby, what do you want to read?" he asked, thoroughly expecting her to pull her favorite copy of Cinderella from the shelf.

"This one," Tina said, surprising him by holding up one of his favorite stories, but not one she requested particularly often.

"That one? Really? Why that one, Tina?" he asked. She shrugged.

"I like the way you do the voices," she said. Fin couldn't argue with that.

"Ok, hop into bed," he said, taking the book from her. She climbed into her familiar pink, twin sized bed. fin gently pulled the covers around her and settled himself against her headboard so that he could put an arm around her as he read.

"_Beauty and the Beast,_" he began, opening the cover. "_Once upon a time, in a far off land, there lived a handsome prince. The prince had all he could ever want in wealth and looks, but he was conceited and looked down on the villagers around him..." _Fin continued to read, using his "funny voices," as Tina called them for each of the different characters. Soon, her eyes began to droop, and she was fast asleep. Fin gently settled her in her bed, pulled the covers up around her, kissed her on the forehead, and padded towards his own room. Even though it was still early, he felt exhausted. He changed into his own pajamas, and as he was coming out of the bathroom, a familiar picture frame caught his eye. He lowered himself on the bed and picked up the frame, studying the couple in the photo, particularly the smiling brunette draped in white.

_**Five years ago...**_

_Fin had been nervous all day. He was afraid that she would back out at the last minute, or the church would lose the reservations, or the caterers wouldn't arrive, but now, standing next to the altar in his tuxedo with Ken next to him as his best man, he was finally starting to relax. The wedding processional started, the doors opened, and Melinda Warner and Munch were walking towards him. They reached the end of the aisle, and he could see Casey Novak and Chester Lake behind them. Chester was still relatively new to SVU at that time, but he and Fin had developed a close working relationship quickly, so it seemed only appropriate to ask him to be a groomsman. behind them was his sister and Simon, and then Alex, as Main of Honor, made her way down the aisle alone, draped in the same pale purple dresses all of the other women wore. _

_The music changed, the congregation stood, and there she was. He gasped as he saw her barely visible face through the white veil, her body tastefully, but seductively encased in layers upon layers of white silk and lace, accented by tiny pearls. He barely even noticed Elliot standing next to her. Without a father or any other close male relatives in her life, she had asked Elliot to be the one to give her away, claiming that he had been like a brother to her for years. Fin wasn't sure who had a happier expression of the two. All he knew was that he couldn't believe that this incredibly beautiful women - inside and out - was going to be his wife in less than an hour. Fin couldn't help the smile that graced his lips as she finally stopped in front of him._

"_Hey," he whispered softly. A smile grew on her face that added to her already exquisite beauty. _

"_Hey," she breathed back._

"_Who gives this woman away?" the minister asked, and they all heard Elliot inhale deeply. _

"_I do," he announced in a clear loud voice. Elliot turned towards Fin and gave him a curt nod. _

"_Take care of her."_

"_Always," Fin promised, meaning the word with every fiber of his being. He watched as Elliot and Olivia embraced briefly before Fin took her by the hand and faced one another._

"_You look beautiful," he told her, hardly able to concentrate on the minister's words. His only focus was on her. As it would be for the rest of his life. Olivia, never being one for compliments, blushed slightly and Fin couldn't help but chuckle as he took her other hand in his. _

"_Thank you."_

"_Would it be wrong if I leaned in and kissed you right now?" Fin asked, his voice just loud enough for her to hear. Olivia laughed softly and nodded. _

"_Yeah, just a little bit."_

"_Okay thought so. Just checking, Baby Girl." Olivia laughed quietly again before both grew silent and waited for when they would have to say their vows. He had written them and rewritten them at least a dozen times, wanting to make absolutely certain that they were perfect. He only had one chance to get it right. Neither one had seen what the other had written, wanting to keep the surprise until this moment._

_It was Olivia's turn first. She spoke softly and quietly, as if her words were for only Fin, no one else. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way._

_"Odafin Tutuola, I didn't think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love you. You reached in, during my darkest hour, and rescued me from a place I wasn't sure I would ever find my way back from on my own. Since that time, I have wanted nothing more than to share everything with you - my heart, my body, and my soul. I pledge to stand by your side, sharing the good times and the bad, for better or for worse, all the days of my life." A tear was making its way down her cheek, adding to the raw emotion and sincerity of the words she spoke._

_"Olivia Benson, we've been friends for a long time, and over the years, I've grown to know the amazing woman you are. You told me once about the imperfect childhood you had, and I want to spend the rest of my life treating you the way you should have been treated all along - with dignity, respect, and unconditional love. I vow to be the one you can depend on, in good times and bad, forever.". He was trying not to let the emotion show through too much, but his voice cracked slightly at his profession of love. The rest of the ceremony was a blur. All he could focus on was Olivia, and the utter happiness that radiated all around her. _

_"by the power vested in my by the State of New York, I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the minister finally said. This was it. She was actually his wife. He leaned forward and placed his lips gently on hers. Then, swept up in the energy of the day and catching her completely off guard, he twisted her body into a dip. She responded with a slight shriek, but was giggling when they broke apart. He gently took her arm and face the crowd of friends and family, trying not to focus too much on the scowl on Tianna's face. Instead, the two of them headed out of the church to begin their new lives together. _

"Daddy..." came a soft voice, jerking Fin out of the memory. Tina was standing in his doorway, clutching her blankie and doll, rubbing her eyes.

"What's the matter, Baby?" he asked, setting the photo back on the nightstand.

"I can't sleep. Can I stay in here with you?" she asked. Even though Olivia insisted that Tina sleep in her own bed, even if a parent was with her, Fin just couldn't bring himself to follow that rule tonight.

"Sure, Baby," Fin selected a DVD to play on his bedroom TV, and climbed into bed next to his daughter.

"Oz!" Tina exclaimed when the movie started. Fin just smiled and let her snuggle closer to him. "Daddy?" Tina said as Dorothy skipped down the road on the screen.

"What, Honey?" Fin asked.

"I miss Mommy," she said. Fin he'd her closer to him for a minute.

"So do I, Baby. So do I." By the time the four characters had began walking into the Wizard's Chamber for the first time, Tina's eyes had closed and her thumb was in it's customary place in her mouth. Fin reached over, shut off the TV, and turned the light on so Tina would have some sort of nightlight if she woke up in the middle of the night. He brought the covers up over her before he reached over and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Tina," whispered Fin gently.

"I love you too, Daddy," she muttered sleepily back before she rolled over, grabbed a hold of his shirt, and fell asleep. With those four words bringing him the first genuine smile he had since he had held Olivia after he had been given the news that their son didn't make it, he fell into a blissful sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

_Fin was sprinting down the long hallway as fast as her could, his footsteps echoing in the vast stone chamber._

"_Fin!" the scream of his terrified wife cried out. "Fin, help me please!"_

"_Liv!" he shouted back, his heart racing as he looked around desperately for any doorway, any corner that would lead him to his wife, but found none. _

"_Baby Girl, where are you? Talk to me, Olivia!"_ _A terrified blood curdling shriek was his only answer followed by the unmistakable sound of a screaming infant from behind him. _

_The cry of his newborn son._

_Fin raced down the hallway, the screams of both his son and wife growing louder with every second yet he couldn't place them. They were coming from everywhere, yet there was only him and the long cold stone corridor. _

"_Olivia, hang on! Just hang on!" he cried to her but her screams had morphed into pained moans and grunts mixed with her sobs._

"_Daddy, please come get me!" sobbed Tina suddenly. "Why aren't you helping me? Daddy, help!"_

_Fin stopped dead and looked around frantically trying to find them but he was just as helpless as before. His family was screaming, crying out for his help, for him to be their savior, yet he could do nothing for them. He could only stand there while the screams and cries echoed louder and louder until finally he thought he would burst…_

Fin never sat up faster in bed in his life, gasping for breath and his heart pounding so hard, he thought for sure it would explode out of his chest. He was finally beginning to understand the nightmares Olivia occasionally had about Sealview.

"Daddy?" Tina muttered sleepily from beside him as she rubbed her eyes. "What's wrong?" Fin looked down at Tina and let out a sigh of relief as he placed a hand on her forehead, making sure she was real.

"Noth- nothing, Baby. Daddy just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep." He glanced over at the clock and saw it was only 6:30, way too early to be up on a day off but he wasn't going back to bed. Not after the horror show his own mind had just created for him. Tina nodded before she popped her thumb back in her mouth and laid her head back down on the pillow, clutching Fin's shirt for comfort. Not wanting to leave Tina alone, Fin reached over and grabbed his laptop from his nightstand, popped in some headphones, and clicked on the movie that was already in there. _Burning Tires 5_, a straight-to-DVD car racing movie with a lot of half naked young females, violent fist fights, fast and dangerous racing, and huge explosions was what he had watched last time he used his laptop, but he wasn't in the mood for violence and sex. Not after what the one person he loved more than life had endured. He clicked off the movie, went to his stored videos file, and scrolled through them before he came to one that was dated several years back. Curious, he clicked on it and watched as a shaky camera came into focus into their bedroom.

"_And here,"_ he heard himself narrate with a faux hushed yet excited Australian accent as he zoomed around their bedroom. _"Is the lair in which she sleeps. And… why yes… yes I do believe we're gonna get a glimpse of her. You must be very quiet, otherwise she might wake." _Suddenly the camera shifted to the form of a sleeping Olivia who only had a white sheet covering her. The Fin watching the video chuckled as the camera zoomed in on her sleeping face.

"_Lets sneak in quietly and see if we can get a closer look. Hmmm, that's a… a beautiful species right there…"_

The camera made its way over her body before panning back up to her face where she now had one eye opened. _"I know you're not filming me when I'm sleeping,"_ she muttered sleepily.

"_Oh hell no, Baby Girl," Fin lied as he reverted back to his regular voice. "I was just testing the batteries. I wouldn't do that to you."_

"_You're going to delete that."_

"_I'm not even filming."_

"_I can see the red light blinking."_

"_That means it's off."_

Present-day Fin chuckled once again as he saw a momentary flash of a smile shine on Olivia's lips before she turned away from the camera.

"_Come on, Fin, turn it off."_

"_It is off,"_ he told her once more as he zoomed in on the curves of her ass. _"Do you really think I would lie to the woman I just asked the other night to be my wife?"_

"_Yes."_

Video Fin smiled as he climbed on the bed, the camera shaking slightly as she rolled over so she was on her back looking up at him.

"_Turn it off,"_ she repeated, but by the tone in her voice Fin knew she wasn't that serious.

"_I will. Just let me get one little close up,"_ he bargained as he grabbed the top of the sheet and started to pull down. Olivia raised her brow as she grabbed the sheet before he could expose her curves.

"_No looking until the camera gets turned off." _To counter her words he pressed a button on the side of the camera, triggering a bright light that lit up her body in spite of the sheet draped around her.

"_Damn,"_ he moaned appreciatively as the camera made its way over her curves, now easily visible because of the camera light. _"You look good enough to eat, Baby Girl." _Olivia smirked as she grabbed the camera and turned it towards her face.

"_If you turn the camera off, maybe you'll get a taste," _she purred as she licked her lips saucily. The camera went dark and the video ended. Fin chuckled sadly at the memory as a sad smile graced his lips. He wondered if she'd ever be that playful again.

Clicking the player off, he quickly scrolled through until he found another video. This one had a smiling and laughing Tina in a highchair, so it couldn't have been that bad. He quickly hit it, and Olivia graced the screen. She was standing over a large chocolate sheet cake that was already covered in white frosting and was making a large decorative "1" with pink icing.

"_You put Betty Crocker to shame, Baby Girl,"_ Fin's voice said behind the camera as he zoomed in on the cake. Olivia chuckled as she put down the tube of pink icing and picked up a yellow tube and began to make stars to border the "1."

"_Why thank you,"_ she answered as she used her finger to clean off the icing and stuck it in her mouth.

"_It's good?" _After a moment Olivia swallowed and nodded.

"_Taylor thinks it needs salt," _she commented as she wrapped her hand around her flat stomach with a grin.

"_No salt on the birthday cake,"_ Fin told her with a laugh. _"I'll give you a salt shaker for your piece but no one else's." _Olivia laughed before she scooped another fingerful of icing off the tube and held it out for him. Fin's head came into view and licked the icing from her finger.

"_Damn, Baby Girl… that's a good cake!"_

"_And you wanted store bought,"_ Olivia reminded him with a smirk as she lifted up the cake. Fin followed her to the table where their colleagues, Simon, his family, Ken, Tianna, and Kathy, who held a two year old Eli on her lap, were gathered around the table. A one-year-old Tina sat in her highchair with her hair in two pigtails, wearing a pink and white frilly dress, an Elmo paper plate in front of her. Olivia set the cake down in front of her and picked Tina up from her highchair.

"_Hey, little Lovaloo!"_ she cooed with a beaming grin as Tina looked down at the cake. _"Are you ready for your first taste of big girl food?"_

Tina responded with an incoherent babble of baby sounds but there was a large smile on her face so Olivia took that as a yes. Fin's hand came out from behind the camera and put the "1" candle in the center and lit it with the lighter laying beside it.

"_You know it's actually better to start babies off on normal food when they're about six months,"_ came Tiannna's criticism from off camera. _"I don't know why you waited this long, Odafin."_

"_We checked it out,"_ Fin's slightly annoyed voice rang out as he saw the slightly defeated look on Liv's face. Ever since Tina was six months old, Olivia was adamant that Tina's first 'normal food' experience would be her birthday cake. _"A lot of doctors say it's actually healthy to keep them on formula until they're about twelve months."_

"_Well I started you at six months,"_ Tianna told him. _"And I made sure Teresa did the same thing with Ken. I guess some parents like to baby their kids more."_

"_I'm not..."_ Olivia began to protest but Alex interrupted.

"_How about we let Tina blow out the candles?" _The camera stayed on Olivia and Tina who was babbling away happily before Olivia nodded and regained her former smile.

"_Yeah let's," _Olivia agreed Fin rolled his eyes at his mother's interruption as he continued to watch the video. Fin on the video lit the camera and someone turned off the lights so only the candle from the cake was shining and at once the small crowd began to sing. _"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, Dear Tina! Happy Birthday to you!" _Olivia held Tina close enough to blow out the candle, but far enough away to prevent her from burning herself. With minimal assistance from her mother, Tina blew the candle out. There was loud applause and someone turned the lights back on before Olivia put Tina back in the highchair. Fin shot as Olivia cut the first piece, a corner with a lot of frosting and placed it on the Elmo plate on Tina's highchair. Then, with slightly shaking hands, she picked up a baby spoon, scooped up some of the frosting and held it out for Tina.

She looked unsure at first but Olivia put the spoon to her daughter's lips, and when Tina opened her mouth Olivia fed her the frosting. Tina spit some of it out but her eyes seemed to widen at the new taste. Olivia repeated the process and Tina opened her mouth much more eagerly then before.

"_She's eating!"_ Olivia cried out in joy as she used the spoon to capture what Tina had accidentally spit out and fed it to her again. _"Oh God, she's actually eating! Good girl, Tina! Good job, Honey!"_ Olivia praised gleefully as there was another round of applause. Fin caught the makings of joyful tears in his wife's eyes as she fed Tina another scoop of frosting. She turned up to look at Fin, a beaming smile on her lips.

"_She's actually eating…"_

"Daddy," the real life Tina muttered sleepily. Fin tore his attention away room the video to his daughter who looked up at him.

"What's wrong, Baby?" he asked as he took the headphones off.

"I can't sleep," she muttered as she cuddled in closer to him. Fin closed the laptop and sat Tina up.

"You sure you can't sleep anymore, Tee?" Tina nodded and Fin gave her a warm chuckle. "Alright, Baby. Come on, let's go out to the kitchen. We can make pancakes, and I'll even let you eat in the living room in front of the TV." Tina's eyes widened.

"_The living room?_" she squeaked. "Mommy _never _lets me eat in there," Tina said, still in shock.

"Well, we'll just have to keep it a secret from Mommy," Fin said with a wink. " So, how 'bout it? I can make a pretty mean pancake." Tina nodded eagerly and Fin chuckled once more before he kissed the top of her head. He threw the covers back and led Tina into the main area of the apartment, Olivia's t-shirt billowing around her.

"You wanna watch Oz from where you left off last night or the beginning?" Fin asked, popping the disc into the living room DVD player.

"Beginning," Tina answered. "I like the rainbow song." Fin started the movie from the beginning, tucked her in tightly and added his pillow to Olivia's so Tina could sit up comfortably before he headed out into the kitchen.

"You know who else likes the rainbow song," Fin said as he started pulling ingredients out of the kitchen cupboards.

"Who?" Tina asked curiously.

"Mommy," he answered, his mind already heading to a place far away from here and now.

_**Four and a half years ago...**_

_Olivia stared at the blank white walls of the second bedroom of their apartment. She had finally persuaded Fin to clear out the room so they could start transforming it. She rubbed her swollen belly protectively as she looked about. _

_"What do you think we should do in here, Little One? Winnie the Pooh? Mickey Mouse? simple pink or blue?" Olivia jumped as the tiny life inside her picked that exact moment to stretch almost violently, practically knocking the wind out of her._

_"Ok, you don't like any of those ideas. You could have been a bit more subtle about it," she chided. She heard the main door to the apartment open. _

_"Liv?" came the familiar voice of her husband._

_"In here!"she called back to him. _

_"Hey...what are you doing in here?" he asked, spinning her in his arms so that he could hug her and rub her belly at the same time._

_"Just trying to figure out what we should do about the nursery," she said softly._

_"What's there to do? We paint the walls pink or blue, throw in a crib and a rocking chair and something to hold the kid's clothes and we're done," he said confused._

_"No, silly, a nursery should have a theme. You know, like Winnie the Pooh or something," Olivia felt another sharp jab at the mention of the yellow bear and her breath hitched in momentary pain. "Only your child seems to have something against the Hundred Acre Woods." Fin chuckled at the thought of his unborn child already becoming as opinionated as his wife._

_After dinner had been eaten, Olivia seemed paler than usual, so Fin sent her to lie down while he took care of the dishes. When he finished, he joined her on the couch, and she shifted against him into a more comfortable position._

_"Feeling any better?" he asked. She shrugged. _

_"I'm always nauseous after I eat these days. I thought morning sickness was supposed to go away after the first trimester," she told him. He held her tighter and wished there was something he could do to make her feel better. Knowing that he couldn't, he picked up the remote and flicked on the TV. A familiar black and white set of a Midwestern prairie filled the screen. Fin raised the remote to change the channel, but stopped when his wife gently placed a hand on his wrist._

_"I haven't seen this since I was a kid! Don't change it, please," she said with excitement. Considering Fin could never say no to his wife, he indulged, watching the 1939 classic film with her. _

_Judy Garland's famous song echoed through the living room as Olivia gently took Fin's hand and placed it on her belly, just left of center. Every time he had tried to feel his child move within its mother's womb, he or she suddenly seemed to freeze. And then...there it was. A flutter, very very faint, flipping across the palm of his hand._

_"Is that..." he began._

_"That's your child," Olivia whispered. He tilted his head close to her belly without ever removing his hand from her skin._

_"Hi, Sweetie, it's Daddy..." he said, talking to Olivia's swollen stomach. He looked back at the TV, then back to his wife's smiling face._

_"Think she might like a Wizard of Oz theme?" he asked. Olivia chuckled._

_"What makes you so sure it's a 'she'?" she asked._

_"I just am. But think about it...we could put a rainbow on one of the walls with a yellow brick road and the Emerald City, and..." he went on excitedly._

_"Stop, stop. You had me at the rainbow. I think it's perfect," Olivia said. Fin smiled, and still feeling his child flip lazily around inside Olivia, leaned forward and kissed her gently._

Fin couldn't help but smile as the memory played out perfectly before him while he worked on the pancake batter. The first time he had ever gotten to feel Tina move inside Olivia. He had felt his daughter move several more times but after that, Olivia had always miscarried before she was far enough along for anyone to feel the baby move.

A frown replaced his smile as he was remembered the cruelty that had taken John away from them. He swallowed hard before he heard Tina singling softly along with Judy Garland's low sweet tones. Despite all that had happened in the past week, it brought a smile to his face once more.

Fin turned back to the pancakes and began to mix the milk in to the dry batter when the buzzer sounded at the door. Confusion ran across his face as he abandoned the mixture and headed towards the door. He glanced through the peephole and saw the friendly doorman that had worked security for the building since long before the Tutuolas moved in.

"Sam," he said, greeting the familiar face.

"Good morning, Detective," Sam said smiling. He held out a non-descript box wrapped in brown paper. "UPS man dropped this off for ya this mornin'. I was on my way out, so I thought I'd bring it up here personally for ya."

"Thanks," Fin said. "Can I get you a cup of coffee or something before you go?"

"No, thanks, Detective, but I appreciate it. I read about what happened to your family. If there's anything at all you need…" he began.

"Thanks, Sam. We'll keep that in mind," Fin said. Sam tipped his hat politely and headed towards the elevator while Fin took the box inside. Tina was still mesmerized by Kansas, so he carefully opened the box. He fought hard to contain the shock and horror he felt upon seeing its contents, for the pure and simple fact that he did not want his daughter to see the display in front of him. Laying inside the box was a large raccoon skin, still moist from the blood that had currently flowed through it. Next to it was a smaller, baby raccoon skin, just as recently separated from its previous owner. The smell of death was palatable, and had he not had several years of investigating homicide under his belt, he surely would have vomited. Instead, he notice a plain, white card, accompanying the two skins. The words had been written with an old fashioned style typewriter and below the short intimidating message was a bright red swastika drawn in blood.

_Burn the tares in flames  
>Hang the traitors of our race<br>Judgment Day is here  
>The hand of God is in this place<br>Drive you out or cut you off  
>Your blood will surely flow<br>Avengers of the innocent  
>The Earth will soon now know<em>

Fin quickly searched the box for a clue as to its origination point. He paled when he saw the label. Downtown Hospital, the very same place where his wife was recovering in ignorant peace.


	38. Chapter 38

Tina wrinkled her nose and brought the neck of the T-Shirt over her nose and mouth.

"Daddy, what's that smell?" she asked as she climbed off the couch to go investigate. Fin quickly closed the lid on the package to spare Tina from seeing what was inside.

"Nothing, Baby. Just work stuff. After breakfast you wanna go visit Mommy?"

Tina's eyes seemed to light up and she nodded eagerly. "Okay, Baby, sit down on the couch and breakfast will be done soon. I just gotta make a quick phone call." Tina nodded in agreement before she scampered back over to the couch where Dorothy had just been knocked unconscious with the window shudder. Swallowing his disgust, he grabbed a hold of the vile box and hurried into his room, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Oh God, if anything else happened to her, Fin wasn't sure he could live with

himself. He had to make sure Olivia was okay. He quickly dialed the number of the one person he knew would be at her bedside, with each ring feeling like it lasted hours.

_"Stabler,"_ Elliot answered.

"Is she okay? Is she with you? Has anything happened to her?" Fin asked in rapid succession, not giving Elliot a chance to answer the previous question before he blurted out the next.

_"Whoa, whoa, Fin, calm down,"_ Elliot told him, his voice full of shock. _"What the hell's going on?"_

"Is Olivia okay?" he asked again, his voice leaning on the edge of desperation and a twinge of anger that Elliot wasn't answering his questions.

_"She's fine, I just left her to go get us some coffee. I'm heading back there now. What's wrong?"_

"I need to talk to her. Please," he begged. "Please just lemme talk to her."

_"All right, all right. Gimme two seconds okay?"_ Fin waited impatiently, tapping his foot hard against the carpet beneath him as he waited eagerly to hear his wife's voice.

_"What the hell,"_ muttered Elliot unexpectedly into the phone.

"What? Fin demanded. "What's wrong? Where is she, lemme talk to her."

Elliot's voice was now on high alert. _"She's not in her bed."_ Fin felt his knees buckle and he had to clutch the dresser for support.

"Where the hell is she?" Fin blurted.

_"I don't know. Fin, just try to…"_ Elliot began.

"You were supposed to be watching her!" shouted Fin. "Where the fuck is my wife, Stabler?"

_"Fin, I don't…!" _Suddenly Fin heard the sound of a door being opened over the phone.

_"What's going on?"_ he heard Olivia ask softly. Fin let out a shaking breath as he slid down the dresser and leaned against the wall. Never before had her voice sounded so sweet to him as it did right then.

_"What were you doing out of bed?"_ he heard Elliot ask with the same amount of fear that Fin had previously held.

_"I needed to use the bathroom. What's with all the yelling?"_

_"Fin's on the phone for you,"_ Elliot told her. _"He sounds really worried." _Fin waited for a moment before Olivia's voice rang clearer and louder than before.

_"Fin?"_

"Hey, Baby Girl," he sighed in relief his heart rate slowing some. "How you doin'?"

_"I'm... I'm here. What's going on?"_ she asked. _"El said you were worried about something."_ Fin swallowed hard before he glanced down at the box that was beside him. She didn't need this hanging over her head. Not with everything else that had happened to her.

"It's... it's nothing, Liv. I woke up form a nightmare and had to make sure you were safe." _Only a partial lie,_ he told himself.

_"Oh. Well I'm fine. How's everything at home?"_

"Good. I'm gonna make Tina some breakfast, and we'll be over later this morning." There was a long pause before he softly added. "I miss you, Liv."

_"I miss you too,"_ she told him just as gently. _"I hate being apart like this."_

"How long did the hospital say you were gonna be in there?"

_"A few more days. Fin, when I get home, we need to start thinking about the fun-" _Olivia's voice caught before she could get out the rest of her thought. She didn't want to think about burying her baby, and yet, she wanted it over with at the same time.

"I gotcha," he said, not wanting her to be reminded anymore of the dreadful task the couple had ahead of them.

_"Yeah,"_ she muttered. _"Speaking of, we need to call..."_

"Liv, don't worry about it," he pleaded. "I'll take care of everything. I promise, Baby Girl. You don't need to deal with that right now."

"_Oh, no you won't. Dammit, Fin! You always do this. You try to 'fix' everything. This is something you can't fix, and did it ever occur to you that maybe I might need a distraction from the rest of the crap that's going on at the moment?"_ she yelled. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but she was so damn tired of everyone taking care of her. Hell, she was just tired of everything. But most of all, she didn't want her husband to rob her of her one and only chance to express just how much she loved her child. She took an audible deep breath.

"_I'm sorry. I just…I need to do this," _she said. Fin heard her sniff away her tears, and his heart ached. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight. He wanted to tell her that everything was going be okay but he couldn't

find it in his heart to lie to her.

"Whatever you need, Baby. I love you, Olivia. So much."

_"I love you too,"_ Olivia told him, her voice shaking as she spoke. Fin had to console himself for a long moment before he spoke.

"Can I talk to El?"

_"Sure. I'll see you soon."_

"I love you, Liv."

"_Love you too."_ The words came automatically, but Olivia wasn't sure how much of them she was actually feeling at this point.There was another moment of silence before he heard Elliot come on the line.

_"Fin, I don't know what's going on but..."_

"Leave the room,' Fin told him bluntly. "She doesn't need to hear this." There was a moment of silence before Elliot talked not to Fin but Olivia.

"_I'm gonna be outside. I already got yelled at once for having a cell phone on in the room."_ There was several more moments of silence before he heard the door latch behind him. _"Fin, tell me what's going on and tell me now,"_ Elliot demanded. _"What happened?"_

"I got a package," Fin began. "UPS dropped it off and our doorman brought it up to us."

_"Okay, so what was in it?" _Elliot asked, still puzzles.Fins eyes shut as he licked his dry lips. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"A large raccoon skin and a baby raccoon skin. Both killed pretty recently. As in, still warm."

_"Jesus,"_ Elliot breathed. _"Who sent it?"_

"That's the thing. The return address was the address of the hospital and there was no name on the return address. "

_"That's why you were so panicky,"_ Eliot muttered. Before his voice rose again. _"Was there anything else?" _

"Yeah," Fin spat bitterly. "A typed card with a swastika drawn in blood on it."

_"Did it say anything?" _Fin opened the box again. Gagging slightly at the smell he looked down at the cards lyrics and read.

"Burn the tares in flames, hang the traitors of our race, judgment Day is here, the hand of God is in this place. Drive you out or cut you off, your blood will surely flow. Avengers of the innocent, the Earth will soon now know."

_"Holy shit,"_ Elliot mumbled. _"We need to keep you and Tina safe." _

"Don't worry about us we'll be fine. You just worry about Olivia. Promise?"

_"Yes,"_ Elliot told him without a moment's hesitation. _"And I assume this stays on the down low for now?"_

"Yeah. Tell Munch and Cragen, but that's it. Olivia has a full plate already; she doesn't need this in her head. I'm gonna call Dana and give her a heads up."

_"Got it. And Fin?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Be safe."_With a tiny click signaling that he had hung up, Fin let out a sigh of relief. At least he knew that Olivia was safe, for now anyway. Dialing the phone once more he waited just one ring before the low Southern voice picked up.

_"Agent Lewis." _

"Dana, It's Fin."

"_Oh hey, Fin,"_ she greeted kindly. _"Everything all right?"_ Fin shook his head .

"No. No, something's wrong. Something's REALLY wrong." Her voice took a complete 180; from sweet and caring to alert beyond comprehension.

"_What happened?"_ she demanded. _"You three okay?"_

"No. Look, someone sent me a package. It had an adult raccoon skin, a baby raccoon skin. and a card in it."

"_What'd the card say?"_

"There was a swastika drawn with blood and a poem. 'Burn the tares in flames, hang the traitors of our race, judgment Day is here, the hand of God..."

"'_Is in this place,"_ Dana interrupted. _"Drive you out or cut you off, your blood will surely flow. Avengers of the innocent, the Earth will soon now know'." _Fin stared at the phone in disbelief for a moment before he put it back to his ear.

"How the hell did you know that?"

"_It's not a poem; it's a chorus in a song,"_ Dana explained. "White Supremacy _by a charming little group known as Day of the Sword_."

"And you knew this because…?"

"_Because I went undercover with Neo-Nazis and Skinheads for five years, but this is bad, Fin. This is really bad." _Fin took a deep breath. He remembered the first time he had crossed paths with Dana Lewis, during that very undercover operation she was speaking of.

"Why?"

"_Because it means that the idiots who attacked you and your family have other idiots supporting them."_Fin sighed as he banged his head against the wall.

"So those two psychos have supporters now?"

"_You're national news, Fin. White Supremacists, Neo-Nazis, Skinheads… they all followed the story, they all know that one of their own is in prison and another is dead because of what they think you and your wife did."_

"They kidnapped us!" he shouted into the phone. "They raped and tortured my wife! They terrified Tina and shaved her head! They made me watch while they raped and beat my wife over and over and ov...!" He paused for a moment, choking back the emotion that was threatening to spring forth as flashes of his beloved Olivia in pain and terror plagued his mind. "How the fuck is that any of our faults?" he cried, finding his voice again.

"_Because, the way they see it, you and Olivia are the criminals here. Not Adam and Joseph. In their opinion if you two had stuck to your own race, then Adam and Joseph would be alive and well."_

"They kidnapped us!"

"_Because they were doing their race a favor. I didn't say it made any sense, Fin. This is just how they think. None of the idiots who are in league with them will see past that. Now… I'm coming over in a little bit to collect the evidence."_Fin sighed as he ran a hand through his short crop of hair.

"Fine. But hurry. I don't want these things around Tina."

"_I'll be right there. Don't worry, Fin. We're gonna get these sick freaks." _Not even having the strength to muster a friendly goodbye Fin hung up the phone. He stayed silent for a long while before he stood up. He grabbed the box and hid it in the corner of his closet so Tina would have no chance of finding it before he shuffled out to the kitchen.

"So, Tee, you want chocolate chips or blueberries in your pancakes?" he asked his daughter, forcing a false cheeriness into his voice so he wouldn't give the impression he was upset.

"Chocolate chips," Tina answered instantly, not turning away from the TV in front of her.

"Good choice, Baby," Fin told her as he grabbed the bag of chocolate chips from the cupboard. An hour and multiple chocolate chip pancakes later, Fin was running a bath for Tina to get her ready to go see Olivia.

"Bath time!" he called out to her as he added a cup full of children bubbles to the warm water. A simple, "nuh uh!" was heard from the living room. Fin groaned as he got off the floor and walked out to the living room where Tina was sitting on the couch looking down at her feet.

"Tina, let's go. It's bath time," Fin told her as he kneeled down in front of her. "I added a lot of Princess bubbles too." Tina shook her head.

"Nuh uh."

"Tee, you haven't had a bath in days. Come on, Honey."

"No," Tina challenged defiantly. "I don't want a bath!" Fin stood up and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Tina, I'm not gonna tell you again. If you wanna see Mommy today then you'll get up and take a bath." Tina's bottom lip quivered as she looked up at Fin. He could see tears form in her eyes that were a mirror image of Olivia's.

"Daddy, please don't make me take one." Fin's hardness disappeared in an instant. He uncrossed his arms before he kneeled down beside her. He knew Tina wasn't a fan of bath time but he had never seen her get teary eyed over it.

"Sweetie, why don't you want one?" he asked softly. Tina let out a sob and shook her head.

"I don't wanna say!" He quickly wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back in soft soothing circles while she laid her head on his shoulders and began to cry.

"Its okay, Sweetie," he whispered softly. "Its okay, Tina, Daddy's got you. Daddy's got you…" After Tina's cries had reverted to mere sniffles, Fin, with his arms still holding her tight, pulled away to look at her.

"Tina, look at me," he pleaded softly. Tina wiped her tears away and looked up at her father. "Baby, I gotta know what happened. Please, Baby. Did…" Fin closed his eyes and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. He wasn't sure what he would do if she answered yes to his question but a few years in lockup would be worth it. "Did the bad men hurt you when you were away from Mommy and me?" Tina shook her head and sniffed away more tears. Fin breathed a sigh of relief before he spoke again. "Then why don't you wanna take a bath?"

Tina remained silent for a long moment and Fin felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Knowing his little girl was hurting and there was nothing he could do for her was the worst feeling he had ever felt in his life.

"Tina, listen to me," Fin said gently after several moments. "Remember a few weeks ago when you thought there was a monster hiding under your bed?" Tina nodded. "And you woke me up and I got rid of him? You remember how I did that?" Tina nodded before she spoke.

"Yo... you scared the monster away by making scary faces at him."

"That's right. That's because I'm your Daddy and it's a Daddy's job to get rid of things that scare little girls. But I can't scare anything away unless you tell me what's scaring you. Please, Tina. Tell me why you don't wanna take a bath. I promise to get rid of whatever is scaring you." After several more moments of silence tears filled Tina's eyes before she spoke.

"When… when the bad men took me away from you and Mommy I woke up and I heard Mommy screaming really loud in the shower. The really mean one came in and…" Tears were now falling freely from her eyes.

"What, Tina," Fin prompted softly. "What did he do?" Tina wiped the tears from her eyes.

"He… he told me that they were drowning Mommy and I was gonna be drowned next."

Fin was going to kill him. No. That would be way to kind a fate for Colin. He wanted to cut off his dick with a rusty jagged steak knife then shove it as far inside him as he could. _No one_ scared his daughter like that! Fin struggled to hold back the rage he felt at Joseph so he could comfort his daughter. He needed to set aside his rage, for now anyway.

"Tina, I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully," said Fin softly. "He was lying to you. They weren't drowning Mommy and no one is gonna drown you. Okay?"

"Then why was Mommy screaming?"

"It doesn't matter," Fin answered. "They weren't drowning her and no one is going to hurt you. I promise." Tina's tears still wouldn't go away even with the reassurance of her father.

"Baby," Fin sighed softly. "You have to believe me. The Bad Men are _never_ going to hurt you or scare you again, okay? Do you trust me?" Tina nodded and Fin gave her a soft smile. "Good. Now, I have a nice warm bath with extra Princess bubbles waiting for you." Tina shook her head once more and Fin held back a sigh. He nodded and stood up, holding out his hand to her.

"Do you wanna take a shower with Daddy?" Tina sniffed and nodded yes. "Okay. Lemme go get changed then we'll take a shower together alright?" Tina nodded once more before she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Daddy," she whispered softly. Fin embraced her once more and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too, Tina." Ten minutes later the bath water had been drained and Fin stood in the bathroom wearing an old pair of swimming trunks with a naked Tina beside him.

"You ready?" he asked gently as he looked down at her. Tina, looking beyond petrified, nodded, her whole body shaking. Fin gave a curt nod before he reached in, turned on the shower, and adjusted the temperature until it was perfect for her. He leaned down to pick her up but at the last moment she screamed "NO!" and ran from the bathroom.

"Tina!" he cried out before hurrying after her. He found her on her bed, her face buried in a pillow sobbing hysterically.

"Tina, it's okay," he told her as he hurried up to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Please don't make me!" she screamed through her sobs. "I don't wanna! I don't wanna drown!"

"Tina..."

"Daddy, I'm scared! Please don't make me!" Fin swallowed his own emotions before he spoke.

"Tina. Tina, listen to me." He took her by the shoulders and made her look at him. "Tina, listen to me, and listen good okay? I promise I will not let anything happen to you. Okay, Tina, I swear to you I will not let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"

Tina nodded as she wiped the tears from her eyes once more. "Good because I gotta be honest, Tina, I'm a little scared too." Tina narrowed her eyes in confusion. Since when was her daddy afraid of anything?

"Wha... what are you afraid of?" Fin struggled to think for a moment before an idea popped into his head.

"I'm afraid of girly smelling soaps." Tina giggled despite her tears.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a guy and guys are afraid of really girly smelling things."

"That's silly," Tina said with a slight laugh and a timid smile. That one smile made his whole embarrassing plan worth it a thousand times over.

"I know but I still get really scared when I see it. Plus Mommy uses the girly stuff _all_ the time. Do you… do you think you could come shower with me to keep me safe from it?"

Tina's face fell as she looked towards the bathroom before she looked back at Fin. After a long moment she nodded. Fin beamed at her before he hugged her tightly.

"There's my brave little Princess." Fin picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. He approached the tub slowly before he looked down at her.

"You ready?" Tina swallowed hard and nodded before she buried her head in Fin's shoulder. He stepped in the tub and let the warm water wash over the two.

"You okay, Tee?" he asked as he shifted her so he was holding her with one arm.

"Ye...yeah," she answered, her voice shaking like a leaf. He poured a generous amount of baby soap onto a wash cloth and gently began to wash her body; all the while his voice never faulted, never stopped whispering that he was right there with her; that he would never let anything hurt her. Fin made quick work of the washing; wanting to get her out of the tub as soon as he could. Finally, when the last sud was washed away he pulled away slightly so he could look at her.

"Hey, Tina," he said with a grin. "You're all done." Tina unburied her head form his shoulder to look at him.

"Really?"

"Really," Fin answered with a smile. "You were a very brave little Princess. And did Daddy let anything happen to you?" Tina shook her head. "That's because I promise to never let anything hurt you again, Tina." A watery smile grew on her face as she hugged him around the neck.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Tee. Now you wanna go pick out an outfit to wear to the hospital while I finish my shower?" Tina frowned at him.

"I thought you were scared of girly soap." Fin's smile faltered. No. She wouldn't actually make him use that crap… would she? Tina reached over and grabbed the bottle she knew to be 'Mommy's soap' and held it out to Fin. The contents inside was an expensive body wash that smelled strongly of warm vanilla and brown sugar that Olivia could only find at a specialized boutique on Fifth Avenue. She would have been happy with the cheap stuff sold at their local department store, but Fin loved that scent on her more than anything so she spent the extra money to get it just for him. Fin swallowed hard as he managed a fake laugh.

"It..it's okay, Tina. I'm not scared anymore."

"Then why do you look nervous?" Fin bit his lip as he struggled to think of an answer. Before he could however Tina squirted a very generous amount into her tiny hands and held it out to Fin.

"It's okay, Daddy, you don't have to be scared." Fin closed his eyes in defeat as he scraped the expensive soap form his three-year-old's hand and began to wash himself with it as best he could while holding up Tina. Almost at once the addictive smell surrounded him and it filled his senses as if Olivia was right next to him. He had to remind himself that his three-year-old was in the shower with him several times as the warm water washed it away.

He wasn't sure which was gonna be worse. Olivia being angry at him for using her expensive products, the teasing and ridicules that he would have to endure from Elliot and Munch, or the fact that it would smell as if Olivia was right beside him every moment and he would have to constantly remind himself she wasn't. After the last bit of suds had been washed away Fin turned off the water and looked at Tina who was practically beaming with pride.

"Good job. You were very brave, Daddy." Despite his fear of the upcoming rendezvous with his coworkers, Fin laughed loudly at Tina's praise before he hugged.

"Thank you very much. You ready to go get ready now?" Tina nodded and Fin stepped out of the tub, dried Tina off with a towel and sent her to her room so she could choose her outfit for the day. He went to his room and dried off before he got ready. He dried himself off and applied a generous amount of deodorant hoping that it would cancel out the feminine scent that was now emitting from him. It didn't work, and went over to his dresser. He got out a pair of briefs, a pair of jeans, and went to choose a shirt but he was stopped dead in his tracks. He swallowed hard when he looked down and saw the Yankees onesie he had gotten the baby a few days prior. With trembling hands and shaking breath he picked up the article of clothing and held it close to his heart. Fin closed his eyes and forced the tears that wanted so desperately to fall back. God, he wanted his boy to wear this so badly.

Fin swallowed the suddenly painful lump in his throat before he gently placed it back in his dresser and grabbed a random shirt to wear. He quickly closed the dresser and pulled on his shirt, struggling to forget what was inside the drawer. He finished getting ready before he made his way to Tina's room.

"Tee, you ready?" Tina all but jumped out in front of the door with a beaming grin on her face.

"Ready!" Fin chuckled at her outfit she had chosen; a hot pink tank top with dark purple butterflies and a pair of green sweatpants with white dress sandals.

"Still a little too cold for that, Baby. How about something a little warmer?" After Fin got her dressed in more weather appropriate clothing, he grabbed his badge, gun, wallet, and the two headed out into the city.

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	39. Chapter 39

_**Sorry for the slow update. I started a new job and moved all in the last month in between learning my new job and unpacking, there just hasn't been much time for writing. I'm back now, though!**_

**Chapter 39**

Olivia stood in her favorite red sweater and jeans, staring out at the thick, white snowflakes that seemed to plague the city of New York. Although a week had passed since the death of her son, her grief was still as acute as ever, and the frostiness of the weather seemed to mimic her own emotions. The flowers that Fin had brought had long since wilted, and eventually the nurses had insisted on getting rid of them. Truth be told, she was ready to be out of the hospital and back home, but she wasn't sure she was ready to go home with Fin.

"Hey…" came Fin's voice as he softly rapped on her door. She turned at the sound, and notices a rather large bouquet of red roses in his hands. "Happy anniversary," he said, presenting her with the flowers.

"Happy…what?" she said, shocked. Fin gave a sort of half-hearted chuckle.

"It's March 11. We've been married for five years today," he said with a smile.

"I must have lost track of the days. Happy anniversary, then," she said, trying to muster something resembling happiness. She accepted the flowers from him. "These are beautiful," she commented.

"Not half as beautiful as you are, Baby Girl," he said. She felt her face flush a deep scarlet at the compliment. Although he had complimented her repeatedly for years, for some reason, this just felt…wrong. She didn't want to be beautiful. She didn't even want to be ordinary. She wanted to be so disgusting that no one would even want to look at her, let alone touch her.

"You ready to go?" he asked, putting a hand on the small of her back. She flinched and pulled away from the touch, trying to cover her actions by fussing with the small suitcase laying out on the bed.

"Yeah," she said. "We're just waiting on the discharge papers."

"Liv, what's wrong?" Fin asked gently.

"Nothing," she touted out almost immediately.

"Liv, c'mon. It's me. You won't look at me, and you act like you're about to jump out of your skin," he said. He wasn't angry, nor was he accusatory. He was concerned...very, very concerned.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm…I'm…I'm…" she frantically searched for an excuse, but the fact of the matter was that he was right.

"It's ok," he said. "It'll take time. I don't want to push you too fast, but you gotta tell me if you don't like something, ok? Now, what's bugging you? The flowers? Touching? What?" he asked. Olivia sighed. She should have known she couldn't hide anything from him. He had the same experience she did when it came to working with victims, and he knew her better than anyone on the planet.

"Touching," she mumbled. "Look, it's nothing personal…"

"You just don't want anyone's hands on you other than your own. I get it, and it's fine, Olivia," he said. He moved to grab her forearms in a reassuring hold, as he had many times before, but stopped before laying his hands on her.

"Listen, Fin," Olivia began, trying to make her voice sound casual. "I don't know what sort of big, extravagant day you've planned, but I'm just not really in the mood. What I want more than anything in the world is to have a quiet, uneventful evening at home." Every year, the romantic in Fin simply could resist taking Olivia out for a night on the town, and the two of them indulged in luxuries meant to rekindle their love for one another. They ate the finest food, saw the greatest shows on Broadway, and even went on a helicopter tour of the city for their third anniversary, but the night alway ended in wild, passionate love making. Well, except for their first year, but that was different. Whatever Fin's plans were, Olivia knew he would have started making them months ago.

"Good," he said, surprising her. "I was sort of figuring this year would go pretty much the way our first anniversary did."

"_Oh, this is ridiculous!" Olivia yelled from the bathroom._

"_Why don't you let me see, and I'll tell you if it's ridiculous or not," Fin called to her from the bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, dressed in a crisp, white shirt and suit pants. His jacket was hanging from a hook on the closet door, and he was busy tugging a black trouser sock over his foot._

"_No! There's no way I'm going out in public dressed like this," Olivia called again. "I mean, just look!" she said, swinging the door open. Fin swallowed hard. His eight month pregnant wife was absolutely gorgeous, in his eyes. The red dress he had picked out for her hugged every inch of her body, prominently showing off her swollen_

_belly. Her breasts had swollen over the past few months, but the halter top on the dress cinched them together, giving him and exquisite view of her pregnancy enhanced cleavage. Her hair was currently twisted into soft curls, framing her face, which now looked rounder than before. _

"_I mean, really! This is just obscene," she said, jerking him out of his thoughts of exactly what he wanted to do to her in that dress._

"_Honey, you look amazing," he said, standing up to take her in his arms._

"_I look like a beached whale," she said._

"_You look like the sexiest woman I've ever seen," he countered. _

"_You're my husband; you're supposed to say that," she said. "To be honest, I feel like a beached whale, too." She broke the embrace and lowered herself onto the bed awkwardly, due to the unusual distribution of weight on her frame. She winced, and placed a hand protectively on her stomach, rubbing it slightly._

"_What's wrong?" he asked, taking a seat next to her._

"_Nothing's wrong," she said, wincing again. "Go into my closet and grab my black dress," she told him gently. "I'll wear that." Fin stood up and walked into the closet. He hated when she asked him to do things like this. He stared at the rod that held her clothing, and there must have been at least five black dresses._

"_Um, which black dress, Baby Girl?" he called._

"_The only one in there that can double as a tent," she answered. Gradually, she eased herself into a laying position. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get comfortable. She just wanted to rest for a minute while Fin pawed through her clothes. Fin carefully examined each and every one of Olivia's black dresses. There were two he knew weren't the right dress because he could remember her wearing them well before she had gotten pregnant. That just left three. Three dresses, and one of them was the one she was referring to. The problem was, women's clothing baffled him, and he couldn't figure out which one was 'big enough to double as a tent,' as she had put it. He held up two of the three, decided one was clearly smaller than the other, and put the smaller one back on the rack. Picking up the last of the five, he knew he was in trouble. They both looked exactly the same. Oh, he had to pick the right one. She was either going to yell at him or burst into tears if he picked the wrong one, courtesy of her completely unbalanced hormones. Picking the one currently in his left hand, he replaced the other one, and went back to the bedroom._

"_Olivia, is this the one you…" He stopped mid-stride and mid-sentence. Olivia was flat on her back, still in the "obscene" red dress, sound asleep and snoring softly. Fin carefully returned the dress to its original location, tiptoed into the bedroom, and pulled a spare blanket over her. If he was completely honest about the whole thing, he was glad she was sleeping. Sleep had eluded her for a while, and she hadn't had a truly decent night's sleep since about her fifth month. After trading his suit for sweats, he called the five-star restaurant he had planned to take her to and canceled the reservation. Instead, he settled on the couch and turned on the latest March Madness game, keeping the volume low so as not to wake her._

_About halfway through the second half, he heard the doorknob turn, and a bleary-eyed Olivia emerged. Her hair had lost its sculptural elegance while she slept, and the curls were mussed and her make-up was smudged. She had slipped out of the red dress and pulled on cotton pants and a ratty T-shirt at some point._

"_Hey…how'd you sleep?" Fin asked, moving over on the couch to make room for her._

"_Like a rock. How long was I out?" she asked._

"_About two hours," he answered._

"_Oh, Fin. I'm so sorry; I know you were looking forward to…whatever you had planned for tonight," she said. Fin shrugged._

"_It's ok. I get to be with you, and that's all that matters," he said, kissing her on the cheek and wrapping an arm around her. She smiled._

"_You're really ok with not going out?" she asked._

"_We'll go out some other time. Now, are you hungry?" he asked._

"_Starving," she answered, and they both laughed. It had become something of a running joke between the two of them that no matter how much Olivia ate, she was still hungry. It just seemed like she couldn't get enough food in her to feed both the baby and herself._

"_How about a pizza?" Fin suggested, reaching for the phone._

"_Famiglia's. With anchovies…do we have any chocolate sauce?" she said eagerly. Fin froze momentarily at her last request mid-dial._

"_Are you going to do what I think you're going to do with the chocolate sauce?" he asked._

"_If you think I'm going to smother my anchovy pizza with it, then yes," she said. Fin shook his head and went back to the phone._

"_Yeah, I think there's still about a gallon of it in the fridge," he said. Ten minutes later, he had ordered a large anchovy pizza for Olivia, a medium extra cheese, pepperoni, bacon, and black olive for himself, and breadsticks for both of them. The game ended before the pizza arrived, and Fin handed the remote to Olivia._

"_What's this? I actually get to push the buttons on this thing?" Olivia said in mock shock. Fin chuckled._

"_Don't get used to it," he said as she began clicking through the channels._

"_This ok with you?" she asked, settling on a channel. Fin looked up at the I Love Lucy rerun and smiled._

"_It's perfect," he said as she settled next to him, molding her body to his. And even though he was eating pizza and his wife was eagerly dipping breadsticks in caramel sauce, it couldn't have been any more perfect. _

XxXxX

"Get me a portable ultrasound in Room 2!" Dr. Baker barked urgently. At Mercy Hospital, a few miles uptown from where Olivia had delivered her son, Shelley Wilson was being whisked down a corridor towards the emergency room. At only three months pregnant and 24-years-old, Shelley should have been having a perfectly normal, uneventful pregnancy. But she had called the office complaining of severe abdominal cramps, alarming Dr. Baker immediately.

"I'm right here, Shelley," Dr. Baker said as she met the gurney coming down the hall. As she spoke, she slipped one of her hands into Shelley's to give her a reassuring squeeze.

"Where's Charlie?" she asked while grimacing, referring to her husband of two years.

"He's on his way. Right now, we need to take care of you," Dr. Baker said as they crashed through the swinging double doors leading into the heart of the ER.

"Portable ultrasound, Doctor," a nurse said, wheeling in the clunky machine.

"Thank you," Dr. Baker said, turning to adjust the instrument to her needs. "Shelley, I know it hurts, but I need you to lie back so we can see what's going on." She helped the young woman onto her back, noting the pain clearly etched across Shelley's face.

"My baby…please, don't let my baby die," Shelley whimpered.

"We're going to do everything we can," Dr. Baker assured her. She immediately coated Shelley's stomach with ultrasound get and proceeded to move the wand over Shelley's abdomen. She knew what she was listening for, but the average person wouldn't recognize it. She wanted a heartbeat. A tiny, reassuring indication that the baby was ok.

"Shelley?" a male voice called from the doorway.

"Charlie," Shelley answered, relieved. He rushed forward to take her hand while taking care to stay out of the doctor's way.

"The baby?" he asked, looking up with wide, brown eyes.

"We don't know yet," Shelley answered, twisting her face in pain as another cramp ripped through her. Dr. Baker sighed and put the wand down.

"Debbie, could you get a full blood work-up on Shelley?" Dr. Baker asked the nurse. Debbie disappeared to gather the necessary supplies.

"Doc? Is she ok?" Charlie asked. Looking at the couple, Dr. Baker realized they reminded her of a younger version of the Tutuolas. Charlie's skin was the color of light coffee, with close cropped hair, and Shelley was a pale brunette. Both had wanted this child desperately. And for the second time in a matter of days, she was stuck in this spot.

"There's no heartbeat, Shelley," Dr. Baker said as gently as she could. "I'm so sorry."

"But Dr. Black said everything was fine at my last check up," Shelley said. "How…how could my baby be dead? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, Shelley. Sometimes these things just…wait, you saw Dr. Black? When?" Dr. Baker asked.

"Three days ago," Shelley said as tears flowed down her face. "The office said you were out, and they didn't know when you would be back."

Three days ago. Three days ago, she had rushed to Downtown Hospital to tend to Olivia, but that was before Dr. Black had placed on suspension. Dr. Baker pinched the bridge of her nose wondering if there was more to this story that there appeared to be.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" Charlie asked.

"Nothing. Listen, we're going to run some blood tests to get a better idea of what happened. I'm going to give you something for the pain, Shelley, and we'll keep you overnight to see how your body reacts. If you don't have a complete miscarriage by this time tomorrow, we'll have to explore other options," Dr. Baker said, grateful that she could put on a professional face no matter what the circumstances.

"What other options?" Shelley asked.

"Nothing major. We just may have to help your body along with the process. I assure you, though, you're in good hands," Dr. Baker said. She apologized again for their loss, and quickly left the room. She headed for the exit, dialing her cell phone as she strode down the corridor.

"Leah, it's Dr. Baker. I need you to pull the files for every miscarriage any of our patients have had in the past nine months. I'm on my way in, and I want those files when I get there." She ended the call to the clinic, pocketed her phone, and marched out of the hospital, hoping she wasn't right.

_**Next up, Olivia and Tina finally together at home. **_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	40. Chapter 40

_**I have been trying very, very hard not to focus on the fact that Season 14 premieres tonight. If I think about it, today is just going to go ever slower that it is. Anyway, in honor of the premiere, here's a little bit of fiction to feed your SVU appetite.**_

**Chapter 40**

The taxi ride home from the hospital was awkward. Olivia held her body as far away from Fin as she possibly could, although she wasn't entirely aware of what she was doing. Fin pretended not to notice her actions, but he felt as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest. She was responding to him as if he was one of them. He repeatedly reminded himself that this was normal for victims, and that in time, she would relax around him again. He tried a few times to carry on some sort of conversation with her, but after a series of short, one-word answers, he quickly gave up and turned his attention towards the passing scenery. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't. He couldn't cry about this, but he especially couldn't do it in front of her. 

"Where's Tina?" Olivia finally asked, breaking the awkward silence between them. He was surprised she hadn't asked this question before.

"Home. Ken came over to watch her. I wasn't sure how eager you would be to see her," he explained. 

"Fin, she's my daughter. You could have brought her," Olivia snapped. And then she let out a defeated sigh. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just…" 

"It's ok. It'll take time. I'm sorry…I should have known you'd want to see her as soon as possible," he said, hoping his face didn't look as wounded as he felt. Olivia knew she wasn't being fair, but at this point, she just didn't care. She was tired of being on high alert all the time, tired of the residual pain from her attack, and just plain tired. 

When the cab pulled up in front of their apartment building, Fin paid the driver, and led her up the familiar path to their home. Or at least, it should have felt like home. Once they were in front of the  
>door, Olivia realized that she still didn't feel safe, not even here, but that was a secret she would keep to herself. She would try like hell to make this the home it once was. She waited patiently as Fin turned the key and held the door open for her.<p>

"Mommy!" Tina screeched, running at full speed towards Olivia and throwing her tiny arms around Olivia's right leg. Her arms grazed the bottom of the still-healing brand, and Olivia swallowed a hiss of  
>pain. <p>

"Hi, Baby," Olivia said, bending down to pick up Tina. The instant Tina's feet left the ground, Olivia immediately stopped what she was doing, moving a hand to cover her stomach protectively. The incision from her hysterectomy protested adamantly. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she vaguely remembered a doctor telling her not to do any heavy lifting for a while. 

"C'mon, Mommy. Come play with us," Tina said, yanking on Olivia's hand. Olivia let Tina drag her into the living room where Barbie dolls were splayed across the floor. Ken was haphazardly tossing  
>various accessories into the large plastic container that held all of Tina's Barbie toys.<p>

"Ken, it's ok. You can leave them out," Olivia said gently. "I'm sure she'll just drag them out again the instant you put them away." Ken stopped what he was doing as Tina dropped to the floor and started  
>playing with her favorite doll again. "Thanks for watching her." <p>

"No problem. You know I adore her," Ken answered. There was a slightly awkward pause in the room. 

"Still, you don't find many young men volunteering to play Barbies with a three-year old," Olivia said. Ken shrugged as his eyes stayed fixed on the child at his feet. 

"She's my sister. Barbies are perfectly fine as long as they are played with a sister or daughter," he said with a grin. He paused again and looked up at Olivia. "How are you?" 

"I'm fine," Olivia said in a practiced candor. 

"That's exactly what you said right after you had Tina and could barely get out of bed. How are you really?" he asked. Olivia should have expected this. Ken had been able to spot when she was hiding  
>something for several years now, and he was never hesitant to call her on it.<p>

"As good as can be expected," Olivia answered honestly. 

"Mommy, you be this one," Tina interrupted, shoving a brunette doll into Olivia's palm. Olivia looked at the doll closely. It was the one Tina always used as the "Mommy" doll when she played. 

"She's been waiting for you all morning," Ken said. He knelt down next to her. "Hey, Tee, Mommy might still be kinda tired, ok? She'll come play in a little while." A scowl crossed Tina's face. 

"No," she pouted. "Now." 

"Ken, it's fine, really." Olivia gingerly lowered herself to the floor, instantly regretting the action. Standing up again was going to be a challenge. 

"Liv?" Fin called. "Your stuff is back in your closet. I'll take care of the laundry tomorrow." Olivia nodded in his general direction and ran her hand through the slight fuzz that had started to appear on  
>Tina's scalp. <p>

"I think your pretty hair is going to grow back before you know it," Olivia told her. 

"I want pretty hair like yours," Tina said. 

"You do have pretty hair," Olivia said. 

"No. Like yours. Not mine," Tina said again. Ken politely excused himself and joined Fin near the door, far enough away from Tina and Olivia that they could whisper and not be heard. 

"How is she really?" Ken asked. Fin shook his head. 

"I don't know yet, but she's strong. She'll bounce back," he said. 

"Well, call me if either of them need anything," Ken said, reaching for the door, but the air was just as heavy as it had been in the hospital. 

"Ken," Fin began, hoping that there was some way to bridge the rift between him and his son. 

"Stop it, Dad. I did it for her," he said, pointing towards the living room. Fin couldn't be sure if he was indicating Olivia or Tina, but it didn't really matter. Ken's point was obvious. "You get no favors from me." And with that, Ken jerked the door knob and slammed the door behind him on his way out. Fin couldn't dwell on it too long. His own blame was hard enough; he didn't need to focus on  
>his son's blame as well. As soon as Ken left, Fin turned his attention back to the two girls on the living room floor.<p>

"Mommy, you have to play," he heard Tina whine. He saw Olivia on the floor, studying the doll in her hand, but she was clearly not focusing on the same game Tina was.  
>"I'm sorry, Tina," Olivia said, turning her attention back to what Tina, who was happily putting gher own doll in a deep purple dress.<p>

"She needs to wear this one," Tina said, practically throwing a red dress at Olivia. 

"Why is she wearing this?" Olivia asked. 

"Because. Her boyfriend is coming over later, and she wants to look nice," Tina said, matter-of-factly. 

"Can Daddy join to?" Fin asked, taking a seat on the floor, clearly keeping his distance from Olivia. 

"Yes. Here," Tina said, shoving a Ken doll in the palm of his hand. "He has to wear this." Fin looked at the tiny doll clothes in his hand and did his best to work them over the doll. Olivia froze when she saw the clothes in his hands. 

"Mommy, play with me!" Tina whined again. Her wails caused Fin to turn his attention away from the doll and towards Olivia. She was staring at his hands and breathing heavily, but what worried him the  
>most was the glassy look in her eyes. <p>

"Liv?" he said gently. Still, her eyes remained fixed on his hands. He looked at Tina who was watching everything thing that was happening with her mother. 

"Tina, could you finish this for me? I'm having a lot of trouble doing this," he said, passing her the doll. 

"It's not that hard, Daddy," she said, taking the doll and busying herself with the task. Olivia's eyes followed the doll, but she made no other movement. 

"Liv?" Fin asked again, reaching out slowly to her. His fingers grazed the back of her clenched hand, and she jumped as if she had just been shocked. Tina paused again. 

"Mommy?" she asked. Olivia's breathing was quickly returning to normal, but she looked as if she had seen a ghost. 

"Where were you just now?" Fin asked in a soft, calm manner. 

"I…I…I don't want to talk about it," Olivia managed to get out. 

"Ok, you don't have to. You're safe now, ok?" Fin said. 

"Yeah, Mommy, it's ok. Uncle Elliot said he put the bad men in jail and they can't get us again and it's ok to be scared," Tina said. She got up and put her arms around Olivia, hugging her. 

"I'm ok, Tina. And I know it's ok to be scared," Olivia said. Her eyes fell on the half dressed Ken doll. "Tina, do you think maybe Ken could find something else to wear?" 

"That's not Ken," Tina said. 

"Who is it then, Tina?" Fin asked. As soon as Tina spoke, Olivia felt the world spin around her. 

"Joseph," Tina said with child-like innocence. Olivia put her hand next to her to steady herself. Sure, the detective in her knew that this was inevitable, but she wasn't prepared for this so soon. She couldn't be sure exactly how much Tina had understood, but clearly it had been enough. 

"Tina, why don't we find something else to play, hm?" Olivia asked. 

"But you said you'd play Barbies with me!" Tina whined. 

"I know, but I think a certain little girl could use a nap," Olivia said. It was a cowardly way out, but Tina's whining alone was an indication that she needed a nap. And at least she wouldn't have to  
>deal with this for a little while longer. <p>

"I don't wanna take a nap," Tina pouted. 

"Do you want to take a nap in the big bed with Mommy?" Olivia asked. Tina eyed her warily. Even when she had nightmares, she wasn't allowed to sleep in that bed. True, Fin had let her sleep there in  
>the past few days, but Tina was smart enough to know that Fin was a bigger pushover than Olivia. More often than not, Olivia would crawl into Tina's bed instead. <p>

"Is this a trick?" Tina asked raising an eyebrow. Olivia shook her head. 

"No trick. I'm actually a little sleepy, too," Olivia said. She hauled herself to her feet, bracing on the couch so as not to aggravate her healing core muscles more than necessary. When she got  
>to her feet, she held out a hand to Tina. <p>

"C'mon. Let's go," Olivia said in her no-nonsense maternal tone. Tina stood up and took her hand. 

"Liv," Fin said, jumping up from the floor. 

"Tina, go on in and lay down," Olivia said. 

"But I need Blankie and Dorothy!" she said. 

"I'll get them. Go lay down," Olivia said. Tina shuffled towards Olivia's bed.

"What?" she said, turning her attention back towards Fin.

"You sure you're ok? You disappeared on me for a minute back there," he said softly.

"It was the clothes," was all she said as she turned on her heel and retrieved Tina's beloved blanket and doll. She went into the bedroom and shut the door. Fin picked up the doll and turned it over in his hands. The clothes. And then he saw what she had seen. The doll in his hand was wearing the same clothes Joseph wore the day they were kidnapped.

XxXxX

"What the hell do you want?" Dana asked in irritation as the barred door closed behind her. She was acutely aware of the armed guard outside the door as she stared down Joseph, looking far less intimidating in his prison jumpsuit and shackles. He leaned back in his chair as he studied the woman in front of him. Yes, she was wearing a scowl and her arms were crossed over her impeccable gray suit, but now he was sure.

"You know, I wasn't sure at first, but I knew I recognized you, Agent Lewis. Or do you prefer Ms. Morrison?" he asked smugly. Although it never showed in her face, Dana was momentarily thrown by the name.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Dana bluffed.

"Oh, come on. Drop the crap. You were Ackerman's right hand little lady, weren't you, _Star_?" he taunted. "Of course, Ackerman's an idiot. He should have smelled bacon that strong a mile away. But I guess he fell for your little performance, and now he's doing time in Riker's. Of course, it's a pity, really, considering he's a hero to the white race."

"I don't need to listen to you jerk me around," Dana said, turning back towards the bars. "Guard!"

"Here's a bit of information, on the house. Ackerman was a nobody in RAW. It's bigger than you could ever possibly imagine. That little school shooting? That was nothing," he told her. Dana turned back to him. Slowly, purposely, she walked towards the chair across from Joseph and lowered herself into it, never pulling her eyes away from him.

"What do you know about that?" she asked.

"Oh, well now, that's gonna cost ya," he said, leaning forward over the table.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I want a deal," he said.

_**Will the FBI entertain a deal with Joseph? How will this affect Fin and Liv? Keep reading!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

"You're outta your mind," Dana scoffed. "You think the DA's gonna cut you a deal after what you did two NYPD cops and their sweet little girl?"

"I was just followin' orders, Sweetheart," Joseph said smugly.

"Whose orders?" Dana asked.

"Now, now, Star, that information comes at a price," Joseph taunted.

"I'm not gonna listen to this. I have enough to lock your ass up 'til the end of time," Dana said, rising from her chair and striding towards the cell door. "Guard!" she called again.

"Star! Think it over. Because what's in the works will make what happened to that nigger and his race traitor wife look like child's play," he said with a hint of superiority. Dana never even turned to face him, but she swallowed hard. She knew where the Bureau would sit on this, and yet, she didn't want to be the one to explain it to the Tutuolas.

** XxXxX**

Fin opened the bedroom door a crack. Olivia was curled on her side on top of the covers, holding a sleeping Tina close to her with Tina's blanket crushed between the two of them. Tina's thumb had slipped back into her mouth, and she held a fistful of Olivia's shirt tightly. He silently pulled out a thick throw blanket and gently laid it over

them.

"Mmmm…" Olivia moaned. Her brow furrowed, displaying her internal dreamworld struggle to him like a neon sign.

"Shhh…go back to sleep," Fin said gently, patting her shoulder through the blanket. Olivia must not have woken up enough to process the words completely because her body stilled, and she relaxed once again, squeezing Tina a little tighter. He ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it back before tiptoing out of the room as quietly as he had entered.

He was about to figure out what to do for dinner when he was interrupted by a soft rap on the front door. He peered through the peephole and opened it, putting a finger to his lips to tell his visitor to keep quiet.

"I went over to the hospital, and they said that she had already gone home," Elliot told him.

"Yeah, we got home a couple of hours ago. Liv and Tina are taking a nap," Fin explained. His eyes drifted to the casserole dish in Elliot's hands.

"Oh, Kathy makes a mean shepherd's pie. It's one of Olivia's favorites, so she wanted to…" Elliot trailed off.

"Thanks, man. I'm sure she'll really appreciate this," Fin said, taking the dish and storing it in the refrigerator for dinner later on.

"So, how are you doing?" Elliot asked casually.

"We're ok," Fin answered, but he knew that it was a lie. They were far from ok. His daughter was clinging to his wife like she was a lifeline, his wife acted like she wanted to jump out of her skin every time he came near her, and he was still on leave, so he couldn't even hide from his own life at the precinct.

"Is Tina sleeping better? She had nothing but nightmares at our place," Elliot asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"She has her good nights and her bad nights. Although, Liv's always been able to get her through a nightmare. We did ok, though," he told Elliot. Elliot reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

"These came in the mail for you," he said, sliding the envelope across the counter. Elliot opened the envelope and saw the two fifth row orchestra tickets to The Broadway musical Wicked that he had purchased months ago as an anniversary present for Olivia. He knew how much she loved the Wizard of Oz, and it had seemed like the perfect gift at the time. He even had them sent to Elliot's house so that Olivia wouldn't stumble across them going through the mail. Fin swallowed a lump in his throat, but it wasn't these tickets that were bothering him. It was another set…almost six years ago.

**_Five and a Half Years Ago…_**

_Fin pulled a stack of jeans from the box in front of him and moved them to the side of the dresser Olivia had cleared out for him. She had far more storage space than she actually needed, so it just made sense for him to get rid of his battered second-hand furniture when he moved in. Slowly but surely, the boxes were being unpacked, and her space was starting to feel more and more like their space. It was late, and he was looking forward to curling up with Olivia after an exhausting day._

_Olivia broke down the box she had just emptied and carried it to the living room, leaving it in the growing stack of cardboard. She went back into the bedroom and opened the next box in the pile. The content smile on her face was replaced by a menacing frown as she examined its contents._

_"Fin, what *exactly* is this?" she asked, holding up a DVD in her thumb and forefinger away from her body and wrinkling her nose as if it smelled like rotting fish. Fin looked over his shoulder and his eyes caught the very busty…and very naked…buxom blonde on the cover._

_"Um…the box you weren't supposed to open?" he said, jumping to his feet and snatching the DVD from her hand. Olivia turned back to the box and pulled out title after title._

_"Anal Fantasies…Black on White…Gang Bang Collection 1, 3, and 7…oh, and what's this? Kinky Confessions? With a blonde in a very tiny cop uniform? How many of these things do you have?" she asked. She was furious, and he had suspected that this would happen eventually. He knew she thought porn was degrading, but he liked it. And not every woman in the world was as much of a prude as she was. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but words failed him. "Seriously Fin, after all of the crap we see day in and day out, you honestly want to come home to this?" This wasn't just a simple argument anymore. She had blatantly turned this into an interrogation._

_"So I have a few DVDs. All of those girls are over 18, and all of them were filmed with their consent," he said._

_"As far as you know. How many girls have we found that got tangled in the porn industry at sixteen, fifteen, or fourteen? No, Fin. Get this garbage out of my house, and get it out now," she said, slamming the stack of DVDs back into the box._

_"But Liv…" he said._

_"Don't 'but Liv' me. Either the box goes, or you go. Your choice," she said, slamming the DVD back into the box she had pulled it from. Fin looked at the box and back at her._

_"Ok, fine…you win. I don't want to fight with you, Baby Girl. I promise, I'll get rid of them first thing in the morning," he said, encircling her with his arms. He pulled her body flush to his and whispered hotly into her ear. "Why would I need that when I have you? And I want you, Baby Girl. I want you bad." Already he was mapping out her apartment in his head, trying to figure out a way that he could hide at least part of his collection._

_"I'm glad you feel that way because I had a special little house warming gift for you," she said. He groaned slightly in anticipation. "Too bad you won't get it until that box is gone." With that, she pulled herself out of his arms and marched into her closet leaving a very stunned Fin in her wake. She returned with blankets and a pillow and thrust them at him._

_"Liv…" Fin started._

_"No. It's either me or that trash. As long as it's here, you won't be sleeping in my bed," she said._

_"But Liv, I…" he began, but stopped when her eyes bore into him. It had been a long time since he had seen that sort of venom from her._

_"Go," she said, pointing her finger towards the couch. Deciding that arguing with a very stubborn and very angry Olivia wasn't in his best interest, Fin slowly walked towards the living room._

_"Liv, I…" he began, turning back to her just as he had crossed the threshold. The conversation immediately halted as her bedroom door slammed shut inches from his nose, followed by the telltale click of the lock. Fin turned back towards the living room and flung the linens has hard as he could. This was *not* how he envisioned spending his first night at her apartment._

_As he made up the bed, he heard a sound that tore him to shreds. Behind the locked door, he heard the soft sobs Olivia made as she cried herself to sleep. He had known for years that she despised porn, but he had never realized exactly how much until now. There had to be more to it than simply her job, but he didn't know what. All he knew was that she was hurting, and he was the cause of it. And so the rest didn't matter. The money he had spent over the years – and it was a considerable amount – didn't matter. The thrill he experienced in front of his television didn't matter. The place where filmmakers took his imagination didn't matter. All that mattered was Olivia and her happiness, because he wanted to spend the rest of his life, only making her happy._

_He was going to marry her._

_As he settled in to the soft cushions of her sofa, he contemplated this new realization. He loved her more than he ever thought it was possible to love another human being he hadn't sired. She came first in his life, and only her. She was the one who filled his fantasies, and she was the one person he simply wanted to be around. When he wasn't with her, all he wanted was to be with her. He didn't know when, and he didn't know how, but he was going to ask her to marry him. He just prayed that she would say yes._

_Olivia sat on the due of her bed, sobbing as softly as she could. She didn't want him to hear just how upset she was; she just wanted him to think she was angry. Th truth of the matter was that he had told her he'd gotten rid of the videos the first time spotted them in his apartment. Yes, part of her problem was that she knew far more about the porn industry than she ever cared to, but there was more than that. She always thought she was enough for him, and that he wouldn't need trash like that to fulfill his sexual needs as long as he had her. She thought their sex life was incredible, and she was thoroughly satisfied with it, but clearly he didn't feel the same way. Not if his porn stash was still around. Maybe he really did want some 21 year old curvy blonde bombshell. She could never be that. Yes, she was in shape, but her waist want as small as it used to be, her breasts weren't as perky as they used to be, and it had Ben a long time since her ass was tight enough to bounce a quarter off of. She was aging, and maybe she just wasn't desirable enough to keep the love of her life happy._

_The tears faded, and she found the energy to slip into her tired, well-worn pajamas. As she climbed in the bed, she missed the warmth of his body next to hers. She had expected that they would spend tonight making love until the wee small hours of the morning, only to succumb to exhaustion. The disappointing turn of events brought yet another wave of tears, and she buried her face in her pillow, crying softly until sleep claimed her. _

_The next morning, as soon as Olivia granted him access to her bedroom, Fin grabbed the box and took a cab to his favorite sex store. He was a frequent customer, and many of the staff knew him by name - as well as his taste._

_"Hey, Fin," the girl behind the counter greeted as he walked into the seedy establishment. The windows were blacked out, by law, and the counter was close to the door so that IDs could be checked easily to deter underage customers. The girl behind the counter was in her mid-20s, with jet black chin length hair streaked with an unnatural shade of purple. Despite her numerous facial piercing s and the tattoos peaking out from her neckline, she had a pleasant face and a likable personality. "We've got some new arrivals you might be interested in, including a decent bondage flick," she continued._

_"Not today, Stacey. I'm actually here to sell these back," he said, placing the box on the counter. The store boasted the best collection of previously viewed adult flicks in the city, which is one of the many reasons it was his shop of choice. _

_"Really..." Stacey said, peering into the box. She extracted a handful of movies and started the tedious task of inspecting the discs and scanning them into the computer to determine the by back price. "I don't think I've ever seen you sell anything back. What changed?" A broad smile crossed his fave as an image of Olivia drifted into his mind. "It's a girl, isn't it?" Stacey asked with a knowing look._

_"Yeah," Fin said sheepishly._

_"She must be something pretty special if she's gotten to our best customer," Stacey remarked as she continued her work. "You know, we have several items to uh...spice up the bedroom for couples, if you're interested," she said with a wink._

_"I don't think that would work in my favor just yet, but I appreciate the thought. And yes, she is pretty special," Fin said. _

_"I'm happy for you, Fin. A nice guy like you deserves a great woman in his life," she said. "This is going to take me a while. Why don't you browse around? You might find something to make your girlfriend happy." Fin nodded. It wouldn't hurt to look around while Stacey finished what she was doing. He wouldn't buy anything, but it would at least give home something to do. Everywhere he looked, he saw Olivia. As he scanned the inventory of dildos and vibrators, he pictured her on her back inserting each one. He imagined how her body would fill the skimpy lingerie, and how she would look in various bondage gear. He paused for a long time at the anal toys. He never understood why he was so fascinated by that particular fetish, but he was. He briefly considered picking up one of the thinnest toys for Olivia, but decided against it, considering their argument the night before. _

_"Fin, I have your order ready, whenever you are," Stacey called to the store, empty except for him. He put down the package in his hand and made his way over to the counter._

_"I can't give you anything for these two because there are a few scratches on the discs," Stacey said, sliding two of the plastic cases towards him, "but this is what I can give you for the rest," she said, pointing to a number on the sales screen. Fin was shocked by the amount. _

_"That's fine," he said. Stacey nodded, counted out the cash from her register, and paid him the agreed amount. "As far as these two go, do me a favor and get rid of them, will ya?" he asked. Stacey nodded with a smile and took them back. Fin headed out of the store and tried to think about what he was going to do withy the money. He kn that he wanted to spend it on Olivia, but it had to be something special. His long walk took him to Times Square, and as he was passing the Majestic Theater, the billboard for the Phantom of the Opera caught his eye. He knew she had never seen it, but she loved the story. A grin crossed his face, and he knew exactly what to do with the money._

_"Hi Liv," he said, an hour later when he returned home. He kissed her gently on the cheek as he greeted her._

_"Hey," she said. "I didn't see the box when I got out of the shower..." Fin nodded. _

_"I took them to a store and I sold them used," he said. _

_"How much did you get for them?" she asked._

_"Enough to buy these," he said, extracting the tickets from his wallet. Olivia took the envelope and opened it. Third row orchestra seats to Phantom of the Opera. _

_"Oh my God, Fin..." she exclaimed as a shocked expression slid across her face. _

_"Next month for Valentine's Day, were both going to take the day off, and I promise you a day you will never forget," he said, sliding his arms around her waist as she just stared and the two slips of paper in the envelope. She lifted her eyes to meet his, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was speechless, so her response was to kiss him deeply._

_"You did this for me?" She key in disbelief. _

_"Of course I did. I love you, Baby Girl," he said, running a hand through her hair. "I want you to know that."_

_"I know, and I love you, too. I'm sorry I snapped last night. I just want to make sure that I'm...you know...enough for you," she said, kissing him again. Fin stared at her with an intensity she felt in every cell of her body._

_"Liv, is that what you thought? That I watch that stuff because I think those girls are more beautiful that you?" he asked. _

_"Well, they're all young and toned and..." Fin interrupted her by twisting his hands into her hair and pulling her towards him in a heated kiss. His tongue delved into her mouth, mingling with hers in a battle of passion. He pulled away, leaving her completely breathless._

_"You are the most beautiful woman in the world, exactly the way you are. There's no other woman in the planet I would rather be with," he told her as desire flooded his eyes. _

_"I really do love you, you know that?" she told him softly. Fin smiled. _

_"So, does this mean I get to see that 'special housewarming gift' you mentioned last night?" he asked softly. _

_"Mhmmm..." She purred, kissing him again. "Give me ten minutes," she said, slipping into the bedroom. _

_Ten minutes later, her hand emerged from the door, and twirling around her finger was a set of glistening handcuffs. Fin swallowed hard in anticipation. The hand was followed by a foot encased in a leather high heeled boot that perfectly outlined a shapely leg, stopping at the knee. The foot gave a slight kick, and inch by inch, Olivia slithered around the door frame in an outfit that instantly got a response from him. She was dressed in a cop uniform, but clearly not the one sold at the local police equipment store. The blouse was the same blue gray color worn by officers, but it stopped just below her bra line and fastened in a cute knot settled between he shapely breast, which the plunging neckline gave him a perfect view of. She had even clipped her badge on the left side over her heart, where it would go on a standard issue uniform. And instead of the unflattering navy polyester pants that were standard issue, she was wearing a pair of the tiniest shorts he had ever seen in the same navy blue color._

_Finn's jaw was on the floor. He would never have expected her to come up with an outfit like that, but then again, he had discovered that Olivia was full of surprises. _

_"Liv..." he said, as his voice cracked slightly._

_"It's ridiculous, isn't it, she said, breaking the trance. "I didn't think it looked that great..." In a flash, he crossed the distance between them and took her into his arms. His hands roamed the bare flesh of her dissection as he silenced her with a searing kiss._

_"This...this is incredible," he said. The cuffs slipped from her fingers as her arms snaked around his neck. "You have no idea how hard I just got," he breathed into her ear. A shudder went through Livs body at his words. As if to punctuate his statement, he pulled her close enough that she could feel his stiff erection pressed against her belly. _

_"I think I know now," she purred in response. She tightened her grip around his neck as his hands found her ass and lifted her slightly. She wrapped her legs around his waist as her mouth sought his again, tongues mingling as they fought for dominance. _

_Fin carried her to the bedroom and, instead of heading for the bed, he pinned her against one of the walls. She whimpered when she realized he wasn't going for the standard bedroom sex, but instead wanted to play. His lips trailed across her jawline and landed on the sensitive spot on her neck, sending a flood of moisture straight to her core. _

_"Fin..." she breathed as his hands found their was underneath her tiny shorts and he palmed her ass, causing his groin to tighten even more. He kissed his way over the shoulders of her blouse and down the plugging neckline, settling between her breasts. His hands came out of her pants and skimmed upwards to cup her breasts. _

_"So beautiful..." He whispered as her hands Bradley his head. His fingers found the knot holding the blouse in place, and he slowly undid it, inching the fabric apart inch by inch. His lips danced around her breasts eliciting more delicious whimpers from her, until he latched on to a nipple and sucked at it like a newborn baby. Olivia cluched her hands, dragging Fin's T-shirt over his head as her whimpers turned into soft moans. H paused briefly to help her remove his shirt, and then turned his attention back to her ample chest. Her fingernails racked across his back he slowly drove her higher. When both of her nipples had been thoroughly teased to taught peaks, he pushed the blousoff her shoulders. _

_"I need you so bad, Baby Girl," he whispered hotly. _

_"Then take me," she said with lust dripping from her voice. Her hand made its way to his groin and she massaged him through his jeans._

_"Easy, Baby, I want this to last," he said. He took her hand and led her over to the dresser so that she was facing the mirror, palms planted on the top of it, with jar ass sticking out slightly. Fin ran his hands over her ass through the tiny shorts again. He found the tiny zipper on the side and inched them down slowly, exposing her to him little by little. _

_"Stay like that, Baby Girl, stay right like that," he said as he stepped back enough to fumble with the closure on his own pants. His eyes stared at the juncture between her slightly spread legs as he struggled to remove his pants and underwear. _

_"Fin..." she panted. "I want you in me." Finally freeing himself from the confines of his clothes, he ran a hand along her spine as he tested her wetness with the other. She was more than ready for him. He lined himself up with her and buried himself to the hilt in a single thrust. _

_"Ah!" Olivia cried out at the sudden intrusion. Fin's hands found her hips, as he used them for leverage to thrust into her with deep, powerful strokes. He gazed at their reflection I the mirror, and the sight of seeing himself fuck Olivia against the dresser turned him on even more._

_Olivia's head hung, and her eyes were fixed on the top of the dresser as he pounded into her from behind. Her own cries echoes off the wall, punctuating every thrust. Her arms shook as the sexual energy raged through her body. Fin wrapped a hand in her hair, jerking her head back, and then his face was right next to her ear._

_"Look in the mirror, Baby Girl. Watch while I fuck this sweet little pussy of yours," he whispered to her. She opened her eyes, and did what he told her to do. Her mouth hung open and indistinguishable sounds were coming from her body that she couldn't control. But, what she really noticed was the look on Fin's face. There was a predatory intensity to it as the eyes of his reflection bore into her, scrutinizing her, wanting her, fucking her. She could feel herself climbing even higher with excitement. It wouldn't be much longer now. _

_"That, Baby Girl," he said, lacing one of his hands over hers as it clutched the dresser, "is the hottest scene I've ever seen." Something about the way he hissed in her ear combined withered the perfect angle he had to hit her G-spot with every thrust, sent her toppling over the edge. Her whole body contracted as a scream ripped from her throat. A rush of fluid coated Fins cock, and he held her firmly as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. She resumed the lovemaking as the aftershocks faded, thrusting back on him softly and gently. When her breathing had returned to normal, Fin leaned forward again._

_"Correction. _That _was the hottest scene I've ever seen," he told her as a smile crossed his face. _

_"Mmmmm..." Liv purred, leaning over the dresser further. She was feeling the familiar wave of relaxation that accompanied a powerful orgasm. Fin continued to thrust into her, picking up the pace again until he felt his balls tighten. He slammed into her with new intensity, shooting hotly into her. He spurted rope after rope of hot semen into her, eliciting satisfied moans from both of them. _

**XxXxX**

Fin closed the envelope in his hand, and handed it back to Elliot.

"Kathleen goes to school nearby, and as I recall, she likes the Wizard of Oz almost as much as Olivia does. Why don't you take her?" Fin said.

"Oh, no...I couldn't do that," Elliot said.

"No, no...I insist. The show's tonight, and Olivia isn't up to it, and it too late to get my money back. So, take them. Treat your daughter," he said. Elliot took the tickets and placed them back in his pocket.

"Thanks," he said, with the utmost sincerity. Fin was just about to offer Elliot a beer when he heard a noise from the bedroom.

"Fin! Help...please..." It was Olivia's voice, and at the sound of it, Fin bolted for the bedroom.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Joseph paced his cell restlessly. Adam had always been the calm one. He had always known just what to say to get people to do whatever he wanted them to, and he never let his nerves get the best of him. He was so confident that things would go however he dictated, but Joseph lacked Adam's charisma or persuasiveness or confidence or…something.

That bitch had been a damn good fuck. In spite of the fact that she allowed herself to be defiled by that filthy nigger, she was still tight, and the intense power he felt whenever he had her pinned and she screamed in utter agony just fueled him even more. He couldn't remember the ever having a more powerful orgasm that he got punishing her. He was a true sadist, that much he knew, but that was why he was so valuable to RAW. He could teach these sluts a lesson without being burdened down by guilt. And as far as he was concerned, there was no such thing as "too young," except when it came to the perfect little white children from good families. He had a certain level of dignity; he never laid a hand on a well-bred child. But scum like that little half-breed fell into a completely different category as far as he was concerned. Adam, of course, had disagreed.

Joseph, however, he just wanted them punished. Once you turned you back on your race that was the end of it. No redemption, no second chances, you were ruined. If you wanted to be with a nigger so bad, you were gonna get treated like one. But seeing her face twist in pleasure and hearing her moans of enjoyment had given him a slight hankering for some pussy right about then. Joseph figured Adam would be busy with Olivia for a little while longer so he'd get a chance to play with the little brat for a little bit.

_Joseph unlocked the closet door and grinned down at the young girl who was trying to hide herself in the small corner of the dark room, her brown eyes so like her mother's gazing up at him in the same look Olivia held every time she laid eyes on him. Absolute and unwavering fear…_

"_Where's my Mommy?" Tina asked before she let out a hacking cough that shook her small body._

"_You really wanna know?" Joseph answered with a smirk as he shut the door behind him and pulled on the light that was far out of Tina's grasp. Tina nodded, letting out another crippling cough. Joseph leaned down right in her face and she drew back further into the wall, frightened beyond all understandings of the sadistic grin that lit up his face. _

"_Your mommy was screaming because I drowned her, Tina. And you wanna know what I'm gonna do to you?"_

"_What?" she asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper._

"_I'm going to hold your face underwater so you can drown right next to your mother," Joseph said coldly, with his eyes boring into Tina. Tears streamed down Tina's face and Joseph laughed gleefully as if he had just accomplished a great feat of achievement. His booming laugh turned into a cruel chuckle as his eyes took in every inch of the toddler._

"_Oh Tina," he breathed softly as he knelt down so he was face to face with her. "This is going to be a night you never forget. I bet you're just as good as your mom is." He reached out and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand Just as he reached her lips Tina, in a moment of fright and panic, turned and bit down on his hand as hard as she could. Joseph roared in pain as he snatched his now bleeding hand from her mouth._

_"You little bitch!" he roared as he back handed her hard across the face. Tina let out a wail of a cry as she crashed into the large pile of cleaning supplies the small closet held. Joseph grabbed her by the face and pulled her back towards him, his eyes full of seething rage as he twisted her face so she had no choice but to look at him. _

"_Usually I'm gentle with nigger brats like you, but you see this?" He held up his bleeding hand. "Because of that, I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a month! If you wanna bite me then you're gonna put that mouth to use, you stupid nigger brat!" He snaked his fingers into Tina's hair and pulled her towards him, smashing her face up against his thigh. He reached with this other hand, ignoring the screams that ripped past Tina's lips as she tried to pull away from his grasp, reached down and popped the button on his jeans._

"_There's only one good thing a nigger whore like you is good for," he spat as he unzipped his jeans and reached in to pull out his semi hard member, growing harder with every scream and sob Tina let lose. Just as he was about to pull her back so she could see exactly what he had in mind for her, the closet door slammed open._

"_What the fuck are you doing?!" Adam roared as he stormed into the closet. Joseph turned towards him with a smirk on his face. _

"_I'm giving the little coon a treat." Adam grabbed him by the arm and jerked him away, making him release Tina who scampered back into the corner of the closet, her tiny body rocking hard with every cry._

"_Get off me!" Joseph yelled as Adam wrenched him out of the closet, slamming the door behind him._

"_She's a fucking kid!"_

"_She's nothing but a dog!"_

"_She's still a fucking kid!" Adam and Joseph glared at one another for a long moment before Adam took a step closer to him, jabbing his finger in his face. "You touch the brat again without permission," he barked, "and you'll have me to answer to. Do you got me?"_

_After a long moment Joseph grumbled an angry "yeah," before he stormed away. _

"_And no touching her mother either!" Adam yelled in no uncertain terms. Joseph whipped around. He was tired of being ordered around by his older brother._

"_I'm not taking any more orders from you!" Joseph yelled, making a beeline for the basement._

"_Just remember, we still need her alive!" Adam yelled after Joseph, but he let him go. Joseph needed an outlet, and as long as the brat remained untouched and no one died yet, he couldn't object too much._

XxXxX

"Fin, please…please…" Olivia cried. Fin crossed the bedroom as quickly as possible. Her legs were flailing wildly on the bed, and tears were streaming from her eyes.

"Liv…Olivia, wake up, Baby. You're having a bad dream," Fin said gently as he knelt next to the bed. He shook her slightly in an attempt to wake her with one hand and stroked her sweaty hair with the other.

"Daddy?" Tina asked, sitting up. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Olivia panicking in her sleep. "Daddy? What's wrong with Mommy?"

"She's just having a bad dream. Why don't you go watch cartoons in the living room?" Fin suggested.

"No! I'm staying with Mommy!" Tina said, throwing her arms around Olivia's neck as fiercely as she could.

"NO!" Olivia cried, jerking again.

"LIV!" Fin called, louder and more forcefully. Finally, Olivia's eyes flew open. She gasped for breath, clawing frantically at the objects restricting her breathing.

"Ouch, Mommy!" Tina cried, wrinkling her face into a scowl. Fin grabbed Olivia's wrists to prevent her from doing any more harm to anyone in the room.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, continuing to thrash.

"Olivia, stop! You're ok. You're fine," Fin said. Olivia's brain finally caught up with the situation, and she took in the sight of her daughter cradling her forearm covered in deep scratches – scratches Olivia realized she had inflicted.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" Olivia asked, looking up with him, pleading for him rewind time and prevent her from hurting her daughter.

"Tina, go out to the living room. Uncle Elliot's here. He'll play with you," Fin said in a slow, even voice. His eyes never left Olivia's face, nor had he released her wrists.

"But Daddy," Tina started. Fin whipped his head towards her.

"GO!" his voice boomed, scaring her more than he had meant to, but at least she scampered off the bed and bolted for the living room.

"I'm sorry, Fin. I'm so sorry…" Olivia sobbed.

"It's ok, Baby Girl, it was an accident," Fin said, releasing her wrists and gathering her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest.

"I didn't mean to hurt her," Olivia said through her tears.

"I know, Baby. I know, and it's ok. Tina's fine, and so are you," he said as he rocked her gently.

"I can't do this Fin," Olivia sobbed.

"Yes you can. I will be right here with you, every step of the way," he said.

"I just hurt my own child. What kind of a mother does that make me?" Olivia said, starting on a barrage of self-loathing. Fin reached into the nightstand and pulled out an orange prescriptions bottle. Dr. Baker had anticipated some emotional trauma, and so she had prescribed something to help keep Olivia calm until she could get to a psychiatric professional.

"Liv, Liv…" Fin said, interrupting her emotional attack on herself. "Here, take these, Honey." He managed to convince her to take the small white pill. The effect was quick. In just a few short minutes, she was calm, but she felt sleepy. Fin tucked her back into bed, and she slipped into a much needed drug-induced sleep.

"Happy anniversary," he whispered in her ear sadly just before kissing her temple and leaving her in peace.

XxXxX

Elliot was skimming the newspaper on the kitchen counter when Tina came running out of Olivia and Fin's bedroom with tears streaming down her face. He stepped in front of her and scooped her into his arms as if she was one of his own children.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…what's wrong, Tina?" he asked as she clutched her arm.

"Mommy hurt me," she said with a pout.

"She did, did she? Well, let's have a look at it," Elliot said, sitting on the couch so that he could examine Tina's arm. Tina continued to clutch the wound and shook her head adamantly. "Well, I can't make it feel better if you don't show me," Elliot said. Tina contemplated his words carefully and then slowly moved her hand. There were several scratch marks on her forearm, a couple that were deep enough to draw blood. Elliot picked her up and carried her into the half bath off the living room, where he pulled out the first aid kit. He carefully cleaned all of her wounds, covering the worst of the scratches with pink Cinderella Band-Aids.

"You said your Mommy did this?" Elliot asked as he worked. Tina nodded.

"And then Daddy yelled at me," she said softly. Elliot had heard Fin yell, but he was curious about the marks on Tina's arm. Olivia never laid a hand on Tina, even for the lightest spank. She just plain didn't believe in hitting children, under any circumstances.

"Tina?" Fin called as he exited the bedroom where Olivia was now asleep again. At the sounds of Fin's voice, Tina's eyes went wide, and she buried her face in Elliot's shirt.

"We're in here," Elliot called, finishing treating Tina's wounds.

"Thanks, Elliot," Fin said as he entered the small space and picked Tina up.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Baby, but when Daddy tells you to do something, what are you supposed to do?" he asked Tina.

"Do it," Tina said timidly.

"That's right. Now, why don't we go to the living room and find something to play?" Fin suggested. Tina smiled and scampered towards the living room when Fin set her down. He started to follow her, but Elliot pulled him back.

"Fin, she said Liv did that to her?" Elliot asked, trying not to sound as worried as he was.

"Yeah. Look, it's not big deal. Liv was having a nightmare, and Tina grabbed her, and she just fought back. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing," Fin explained. "Look, don't make a big deal outta this, ok? Liv just got hysterical because of this."

"Ok, ok…look, I had to ask," Elliot said. Fin sighed.

"I know," he said.

"Have you found a therapist yet?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, Liv's doctor recommended one. We'll be fine, Elliot. We'll be just fine," Fin said, not sure if it was Elliot he was trying to reassure, or himself.

XxXxX

Two weeks had passed before they knew it. Olivia had found a therapist, and was talking through her demons as best as she could, and Tina was seeing a child psychiatrist who was reasonably certain that in time, Tina would forget most of what she experienced during those three days. Tina and Olivia both struggled with nightmares, and so far a day hadn't gone by where Fin hadn't woken up alone to find Olivia curled up in Tina's bed with her arms wrapped around her daughter. As for Fin, he was going to therapy, but he felt that most of his pain was too private to discuss. Still, he knew it was important to his wife and daughter to continue, and as his therapist had said, it was too soon to make any decisions about the effectiveness of the therapy.

On this particular morning, both Olivia and Fin woke up with feelings of dread. The discussions with the funeral director had seemed surreal, but the preparations had been made to celebrate the nine minute life their son had experienced. Olivia lay awake while Tina slept in her arms for several minutes before the portable alarm clock on Tina's nightstand went off. She would forever remember every minute detail of this day. She noted that when she woke, Tina was clinging to the oversized NYPD T-shirt Olivia wore to bed with her left hand with her right thumb in her mouth. Olivia stroked Tina's head gently, lovingly, hoping that her daughter was experience peace as she slept. There was no point in trying to sleep anymore, so she carefully extracted herself from Tina's grip, careful not to wake her, silenced the alarms she wouldn't need, and slipped across the apartment into the bathroom. In the stillness of the morning, while the rest of her family slept, she slipped under the warm spray of the shower and willed herself to relax. She tried not to think about the terror she once experienced while showering, but it was still an activity she didn't enjoy anymore.

Olivia was just getting done washing the final suds of soap away from her skin before she heard the door open. She froze for a moment, her heart pounding against her ribs. She moved the curtain aside a hair and saw, with a sigh of relief, that it was only Fin. She quickly turned off the water and grabbed the towel from on top of the bar before she pulled the curtain back all the way, just as Fin began to urinate.

"Christ, Fin, come on!" she snapped as she turned around in the shower, shielding her eyes from him. Fin narrowed his eyes in confusion as he turned towards her.

"Baby Girl, you okay?" He was thoroughly confused. Ever since they had moved in together they had shared the bathroom in this manner. It never bothered her before.

"Do you have to do that while I'm in here?" she demanded, her voice a hair harsher then what it should have been. Fin opened his mouth several times to speak but no words came out. She had never had an issue with him going to the bathroom while she was in the shower or vice versa in their five years of marriage. He finished as quickly as he could and rearranged his briefs.

"Liv, you alright?" he asked as he flushed the toilet.

"Just go."

"Liv, I… I'm sorry. I didn't think it was such a big deal."

"Fin, please just go." Fin sighed as he leaned against the bathroom wall.

"Is… does this something to do with the attack?" The long pause told him all he needed to know. "Baby Girl, I wanna help but I can't unless you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing is going on." His heart broke as he heard the crack in her voice.

"Liv, please..."

Olivia ripped open the shower curtain and stormed out form the bathroom into their room, wearing nothing but a green towel.

"Liv, wait!" Fin pleaded as he followed her into the bedroom. He got in front of her and held his hands up to prove to her he wasn't going to touch her.

"Please tell me what happened," he pleaded.

"Nothing happened."

"You're lying." Fin sighed as he ran a hand through his close cropped hair. "Liv, you gotta cut me some slack. How do I know what not to do if you don't tell me? Hell, how do I even know what to apologize for if I don't know why it upset you?"

"It's nothing." Olivia flinched as her voice betrayed her, showing that she really was on the verge of tears.

"Liv, stop lying to me," he begged. "What happened to you?" Olivia closed her eyes as tears leaked out behind her lids as she remembered the one thing she swore no one, not even Fin, would ever know.

XxXxX

_Joseph stormed down the steps to where Olivia and Fin were being held as his anger raged inside him, the pain of his blue balls and his anger at Adam for protecting Tina persisting heavily. He slammed the door open and Olivia whipped towards him and swallowed hard as she moved away from him on the bed._

"_Get away from me." Her voice was as strong as he could make it but it still held a tremor of fright. Joseph ignored her, not even bothering with his usual threats as he grabbed her free ankle and pulled her down flat on the bed and got on top of her._

"_Stop!" Olivia screamed as Joseph ripped off the sweatshirt and threw it to the ground. "Fin!"_

"_That nigger is still passed out from the drugs!" Joseph spat as he slammed her arms down on the bed and easily chained them. Olivia turned towards Fin and saw, with a sob, that Joseph was right, and Fin was once again passed out thanks to whatever sedative they had given him. Joseph quickly discarded her scrub pants, letting them hang on by the one ankle that was chained and jerked her hips up. Without even giving her a hint of notice, he slammed into her. Olivia screamed as he moved hard and fast and angry inside her, angrier as he had ever been with her. "Please stop!" she cried. "Please!"_

"_Shut up!" he roared as he backhanded her hard across the face. His hands went back to her breasts as he began to rub and pinch her nipples painfully. This wasn't about sex. He was angry about something, and he wanted to take it out on her. Olivia just prayed that Tina wasn't the cause of it._

_He grabbed her breasts and began to ruthlessly maul them as he slammed into her harder than any man had ever done, leaving searing pain throughout her entire body._

"_You're never gonna fuck that god damn nigger again!" Joseph spat as he tore into her. "The last dick you're ever gonna see or feel or suck is mine!" Tears fell down Olivia's face as Joseph continued to hammer inside her. Finally he buried himself to the hilt and came hard inside her. Joseph collapsed on top of her, panting heavily in her ear. Finally after a long moment he pulled out of her and sat on top of her. _

"_Open your mouth," he spat. Not even giving her a moment to respond, he pinched her nose until she was forced to open her mouth to breathe and stuffed his flaccid dick inside her mouth._

"_I gotta piss and I swear to God you better fucking swallow every last damn drop," he growled, "or I'm gonna give a repeat performance of what I just did to you to your nigger brat!" Olivia's eyes widened. There was no way he was serious…_

_Then she felt a salty warm liquid spray inside her mouth, and she screamed around him. Olivia had never struggled harder not to vomit in her entire life._

"_Swallow it!" Joseph barked. "Swallow or I swear to God Tina is fucking next!" Closing her eyes as tears leaked down her face and trembling, she forced herself to swallow every drop of the vile tasting liquid. Once he pulled out of her, Olivia leaned over the bed and began to gag, her stomach heaving while Joseph laughed at her. _

_Olivia curled over on her side while her stomach twisted dangerously, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold the contents down much longer. He uncuffed her hands and threw her clothes at her._

_He turned back towards her as he shoved his dick back into his jeans and nodded towards Fin, a smirk on his face. "Get used to that quick, bitch. Pissing in you just might be the only way that damn nigger understands that you're mine now." With another laugh, Joseph turned headed back up the stairs, slamming the doors behind him._

"Not now, Fin," Olivia said, shaking the memory from her thoughts. "Not today. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready to bury my son." Fin stepped aside. Today was going to be hard enough for her, and he didn't want to add to her stress, but somehow, some way, he would find out what she was hiding from him.

_**Get those tissues ready…the next chapter's gonna be a doozy.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

"Liv, Honey, breakfast is ready whenever you are," Fin called through the closed bedroom door. The other bedroom door opened a crack.

_Sniff, sniff._

"Daddy, do I smell…" Tina began taking a hesitant step into the main living area. _Sniff, sniff_. "…French toast?" She looked up at him hopefully, still clad in her long pink nightgown.

"That's quite a little nose you have there, Baby. Yes, you do smell French toast, and as soon as Mommy's done getting dressed, we can all eat some," Fin answered. Tina sprinted towards Olivia's bedroom door and banged on it.

"Mommy! Hurry up! Daddy made French toast!" she yelled excitedly. Fin pulled her away from the door.

"Come on, Tina. Mommy can take all the time she wants," he told her gently.

"But…but…but…it's French toast!" she stammered. Fin pushed back a chuckle.

"I know, but we have to wait," he told her calmly.

"Can I have powder sugar? And syrup? And chocolate?" she asked excitedly.

"Chocolate? On French toast?" Fin asked. Tina shrugged.

"I like chocolate," she said simply.

"Powdered sugar, yes. Syrup, yes. Chocolate, no," Fin answered. He went back into the kitchen and pulled the last batch of French toast off the stove and repeated the same procedure with the skillet of bacon.

"Can I have chocolate milk?" Tina asked. Fin pretended to be deep in thought.

"Hmmm…chocolate milk. I think I can do that," he said, already pulling the chocolate syrup from the refrigerator. As he mixed Tina's chocolate milk and carried it to the table, the bedroom door opened, and Olivia appeared, wearing a conservative, but form-fitting black dress complimented by black pantyhose and simple black pumps.

"Ok, Mommy's dressed. _Now_ can I have French toast?" Tina asked Fin impatiently.

"You really didn't have to go through all of this trouble," Olivia said. "She would have been fine with cereal." Fin crossed the room so he was close enough to talk to her without Tina overhearing.

"I did it for you, too. You need to eat something," he said. Then, raising his voice to a normal level he added, "Who's ready to eat?"

"Me!" Tina said.

"Only little girls who are sitting nicely at the table get French toast," Fin said, causing Tina to scramble into her chair. Olivia hesitated, but a look from Fin caused her to sit in her own chair. She really didn't want to do this. She just felt so horrible that she couldn't stand the thought of pretending to be happy, but she would, even if it was just for Tina. Fin carried over two plates, one with bacon and a stack of 3 slices of French toast, already buttered, which he set in front of Liv, and the other with one slice cut into smaller sticks with a small bowl of syrup. He had learned early on that letting Tina dip her French toast made far less mess than if she dumped syrup on top of it. Plus, she thought it tasted better that way. Then he returned to the kitchen and carried over his own plate.

Olivia picked up her fork and knife and cut into her food, but she couldn't bring herself to actually take a bite. She switched to her coffee and savored the flavor as the bitter liquid ran down her throat, embracing the warmth it brought. Fin watched her closely, but chose not to say anything. She was trying; he could see that, but she had already had a rough morning, and the day didn't promise to get any better.

"Tina, are you going to behave today while Aunt Kathy is here?" he asked as she merrily dunked a piece of French toast into her syrup.

"Why does Aunt Kathy have to come over here?" she asked.

"Because Mommy and Daddy have to go to a grown up place today, and you can't stay here all by yourself," Fin explained.

"But I wanna stay with Mommy," Tina said.

"Fin, maybe…" Olivia started. Then she swallowed her words. Tina hadn't even known about John, and she wouldn't understand the funeral.

"What?" Fin asked.

"Nothing," Olivia said, shaking her head. "Tina, I think Aunt Kathy said she was bringing Eli with her. Don't you want to play with him?" Tina got a pensive look on her face as she thought about what Olivia said.

"I have an idea," Tina said.

"Oh, what's that?" Olivia asked.

"You and Daddy are going to a grown up place, right?" Tina asked.

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Then Aunt Kathy and Daddy can go and you can stay here with me and Eli," Tina said, satisfied with her plan.

"Eli and me," Olivia corrected. "And I don't think that would work very well. Mommy…" Olivia's voice threatened to betray her when she thought about what she was going to have to do today. "Mommy has to go."

"But why?" Tina whined.

"Because that's just the way it is, Honey," Olivia said, trying not to let the irritation show in her voice.

"That's not a reason," Tina said crossing her arms and sticking out her lower lip in a firm pout.

"Tina, I'm not going to do this today. Stop pouting and eat your breakfast," Olivia said firmly, raising her voice enough to startle Tina. Tina's eyes went wide. Olivia was usually patient with her, and it typically took far more than just questions for Olivia to snap. Still, Tina picked up one of her French toast sticks and dunked it in syrup, but kept a careful eye on Olivia. The mood at the table went quiet with an air of discomfort hanging over the entire family.

"Are you mad at me, Mommy?" Tina asked in a whisper, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"No. I'm not mad at you," Olivia said calmly.

"Then why are you yelling at me?" Tina asked.

"Tina, stop. Just eat your breakfast," Olivia snapped again.

"Liv…" Fin interjected gently.

"What, you, too? Jesus, Fin, just leave me alone!" Olivia snapped. She tossed her fork on her plate with a loud clatter. "You know what, I'm done," she announced, and with that, she threw her chair back and disappeared from the table, retreating into her bedroom once again.

"Daddy, I didn't mean to make Mommy mad," Tina said as tears pooled in her big brown eyes.

"I know, Baby. She's not mad at you. Mommy and I are going to a place that isn't very fun, and she's upset about it, that's all," he explained gently.

"So why does she have to go? She can stay here with me, and I'll make her happy. I love her," Tina said. Fin smiled at his daughter. Whatever she may have been through, she had a good heart.

"Sometimes, Tina, we have to do things we don't want to do," Fin explained.

"Like when I don't want to go to school, but you and Mommy made me?" Tina asked.

"Exactly," he said. "Just like that."

"You know what I think would be a big help to Mommy?" he asked.

"What?" Tina said.

"When she comes out, she could probably use a hug and a kiss and someone saying 'I love you,'" he told her. Tina grinned.

"I'm good at that," she said.

"I know you are, Sweetie. Now, why don't you watch cartoons while I go talk to Mommy?" Fin suggested, noticing the mostly cleaned breakfast plate in front of Tina. She nodded and scampered towards the couch while he knocked softly on the bedroom door.

"Liv, Honey…" Fin said through the door. Getting no response, he opened it enough to peek inside. Olivia was sitting on the bed with tears streaming down her face, fingering a pale blue blanket he had never seen before.

"I bought this for him the day I found out I was pregnant. There's a pink one, too, because I didn't know if he would be a boy or a girl, but Tina…" Olivia said, cut off by the sob that was creeping into her throat. Fin entered the room as she spoke and shut the door quietly behind him.

"It's ok, Liv. It's ok," he told her, sitting next to her and rubbing her back. Olivia turned towards him and buried her head in his chest, clutching his white dress shirt along with the blue blanket. Fin wrapped his arms around her, thankful that she was letting him comfort her. "Let it out, Baby. Just let it out."

"It's not fair!" she wailed. "He was going to make it! He was perfectly healthy! Why did they take him from me?"

"I don't know, Baby. But we're both strong, and we'll get through this," he told her.

"I'm so tired of fighting, Fin, and I'm tired of 'getting through this,'" she said.

"I know, Baby, but you don't have to do it alone. I _want_ to help you and be there right beside you while we both deal with…everything," he said. Olivia sat up and pulled away from his embrace, composing herself now that her outburst was over.

"I know you do, Fin, and I'm trying. Really, I'm doing the best I can, but I'm a mess. I just yelled at Tina for no good reason, I scratched her to the point where I broke her skin, I can't relax enough to fall asleep around you, and I don't feel like _me_ anymore," she said. She had stood up and started pacing as she spoke, and Fin felt his heart ache when she brought up the point about not being able to sleep next to her.

"Sweetheart, don't do this to yourself. Let's just get through today, ok? We can deal with tomorrow tomorrow," he said, placing his hands on her upper arms to stop her nervous pacing.

"I'm trying," Olivia said simply.

"I know you are, and we'll get through this. Together," Fin said, as she buried her head in his chest. As he relished one of the rare moments that Olivia allowed him to comfort her, he couldn't help but be mildly annoyed at the sound of the doorbell that ended the moment too early for his liking.

"That's Kathy and Elliot," Olivia said, standing up straight and wiping the tears from her eyes. She put her tough attitude back on and headed for the front door. A temper tantrum from Tina, a hug from Eli, and thirty minutes later, Elliot pulled his car away from the curb with Olivia and Fin.

XxXxX

"Friends, we are gathered here today, not to mourn, but to celebrate the life of John Elliot Benson Tutuola." As the minister continued with the service, Olivia clutched the soft receiving blanket in her hands as if it could bring back her son somehow. It was identical to the one Tina slept with every night except in color. Tina's was a soft shade of pink, whereas the one Olivia now held was a pale blue. Right after she found out she was pregnant, she had picked one up in each color, so that she could give it to her new child the moment he or she was born. She was seated in the front row of white folding chairs, directly in front of the small grave and between Fin and Elliot. She was glad they were there, because she wasn't sure how she was making it from moment to moment today.

The minister continued on, talking about the loving comfort of Jesus, but the words seemed so hollow to Olivia. She tilted her head upwards, noting the dazzling blue of the sky as the sun bathed the cemetery in a warm light. All around her, life seemed to thrive in the well manicured grounds of the cemetery, but she would happily trade the beautiful weather and greenery for just another moment with her son.

She realized she never even got to hold him.

By the time she had come out of surgery, he had already been taken away. He had never felt his mother's touch, only the touch of the latex gloves on doctors' hands. He had never seen her face, or the love in her eyes as she held him, only the human faces covered by surgical masks. How could he have missed out on so much? What sort of God did this? Olivia just wasn't sure anymore. But she was sure that her son needed – no, deserved – a proper burial.

She smoothed the fabric on her lap, hoping that John would somehow be able to feel her love, wherever he was, through this piece of fabric. She shouldn't be doing this. He should be squirming inside her still, not laying in a cold wooden box. And Tina should be with her, feeling her brother move inside his mother's stomach while she learned how to be a big sister.

At least she still had Tina. If nothing else, Tina gave her a reason to get up in the morning, which had become more and more difficult. But today wasn't about Tina. Tina was at home with Kathy. Today was about John, and saying good-bye.

Except Olivia wasn't ready to say good-bye.

Olivia still held onto the visions of holding his tiny fists as he teetered unsteadily while he learned to walk, sending him off on his own on his first day of school, and seeing the handsome young man take a girl out on his first date. Or maybe he would have preferred boys. She didn't care, as long as he was happy and healthy. That was all that mattered.

She choked down her sobs as she realized that he wasn't happy and healthy, and that he never would be. Fin wordlessly pressed a fresh tissue into her hand, which she gratefully accepted. Her tear-filled eyes met his behind the dark glasses she wore, and she realized that his eyes weren't dry either. He was keeping a tighter rein on his emotions than she was, but he wasn't immune to the emotional pain.

"Thank you," she mouthed. Somewhere along the way, her voice caught in her throat. He nodded sympathetically and laced his fingers with hers, providing a strong, steady presence that she desperately needed. With her free hand, she dabbed at the tears, but it didn't seem to matter. For each one she wiped away, two more seemed to take its place.

Then she realized everyone was staring at her, and she started to panic. Why were they all staring? She didn't want them to look at her; she just wanted to grieve in her own way.

"Liv?" Elliot said gently. "You're up, but if you don't want to do this, you don't have to." The letter. She had written a letter to her son to read on this very occasion. Her mind had drifted far enough that she wasn't paying attention anymore.

"No, I'm ok," Olivia said, extracting the folded pieced of paper, covered in her methodical handwriting from her black clutch. She handed her purse to Fin and stood slowly, taking the place the minister had recently vacated. Lifting the glasses from her face and perching them on the top of her head, she looked down at the paper in her hand. The words swam on the page, and she blinked away the moisture in her eyes. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and began to read:

_To my beautiful son John Elliot, _

_There will never be the right words to express how much I love you, or how much I miss you. I don't care if you lived for nine minutes or 900 years. You were my son, and you will always be my son. Nothing – not even death can ever change that. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you from the evils that ended your life. You should have never known that sort of evil, especially before you saw the good. I guess maybe I wasn't a good enough mother."_

As she read the last word, the sob she had been choking back came forward, and she opened her mouth to continue, but realized quickly that she couldn't. Fin's eyes locked on her at that moment, and he rose from his chair and rushed to her side.

Putting his arms around her, he whispered in her ear, "Liv, Honey, it's ok. You don't have to do this. I can finish the letter for you, if you want."

"No," she whispered back. "He needs to hear this from his mother." Fin nodded in understanding. He placed a chased kiss on her cheek, and turned to take his seat again, but was stopped when her hand reached out and grabbed his sleeve.

"Stay," she whispered, as he turned back towards her. And he did. He stood next to her with his arms around her, bracing her as she continued the heart-felt letter she had painstakingly penned.

"_I'm so sorry that you will never experience the wonders this life can hold, but I know that you will be with us in spirit, wherever we go and whatever we do. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you. Even if I failed you, I'll always love you, and I'll always hold a special place in my heart for my little boy._

_Love,_

_Mom"_

There were more tissues than before dabbing eyes in the small crowd of family and close friends now. Olivia's agony rippled through the air, touching each of the guests with her words. The minister took his place back in front the crowd and spoke again.

"Thank you, Olivia. Would anyone else care to say something?" he asked. There was a slight pause.

"I would," Munch said from the second row. He stood and walked towards the front, carrying a small teddy bear reverently in both of his hands. "I don't really have much to say, but when my partner's wife had their first child, I gave her a teddy bear that she affectionately named 'Munchy bear.' Their son deserves nothing less." And with that, he turned towards the tiny coffin and laid the small teddy bear inside. "See ya, John," Munch whispered. "I'm sorry you never got to meet your namesake."

Olivia and Fin were genuinely touched by the gesture. Even though their son would never know the comfort a beloved toy could bring, they could see it was Munch's way of conveying his love and support.

As the small crowd filed passed the coffin, each guessed left a single white rose on the gravesite. When Fin approached, he laid the Yankees onesie he purchased when he found out Liv was pregnant inside the coffin. He had been so sure at the time that this one was going to make it. He tried not to think about the fact that John probably would have survived under normal circumstances, but instead, focused his mind towards his wife, whose pain was becoming more and more palatable as the service went on.

When Liv approached the coffin, she laid the blanket carefully around John's left hand. "Sleep well, my little Angel," she whispered to him. She took a moment to savor his face and features one last time before turning away for the last time.

The ride home was a somber affair. Elliot made several futile attempts at conversation, but every time Olivia opened her mouth to speak, all she could do was reach in her purse and dab at the relentless stream of tears that fell from her eyes. Elliot placed his hand on her knee in a reassuring gesture as they stopped at a red light.

"Thank you," she whispered. There was no need for her to say any more. Everyone in the car knew what she meant. It was a thank you for everything – rescuing her, being there in the hospital when she needed him, driving her to the service, and simply being the best friend she could have, especially now.

While tradition dictates that a reception follows a funeral, Olivia had decided that a reception was too much. She didn't want people around her, and she didn't want to mask her emotions any more than she already was. All she wanted was to be at home with her surviving child. Elliot pulled up to the curb and walked the two grieving parents upstairs. Fin inserted his key in the lock and opened the front door.

Olivia knew instantly that something was off. There was no pitter patter of small feet. There was no giggling, laughter, or even crying. The house was simply still.

"Tina?" she called, hoping that she would be able to hear her daughter's voice over the pounding of her heart in her ears. Fin was already opening doors and checking other rooms in the apartment, and yet, Olivia's feet remained planted where they were.

"Hey, Kath! We're back," Elliot called with a smile. Olivia felt the blood drain from her face. Nothing seemed out of place. The furniture hadn't been disturbed in any way, and Tina's toys were still strewn around the living room, but no one was home.

No, this wasn't happening again.

_**Ahhh…the beloved cliffhanger. 'Nuff said. Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	44. Chapter 44

_**I know I normally update on Wednesdays, but I didn't quite have this ready last Wednesday. To make up for it, you'll notice this one is a tad on the long side. Enjoy! **___

**Chapter 44**

"Elliot…" Olivia said in a voice that was barely a whisper. At the same time her arm lurched forward, and her hand curled around his forearm in a vice-like grip. As Elliot looked at her – really looked at her – for the first time since he opened the door, he saw that her face had gone ghost white, and sheer terror dominated her face.

"It's ok, Liv. It's ok," he told her, forcing himself into a position where he filled her entire field of vision. "Now, look. Kathy probably just took the kids out somewhere, and if I know my wife, she left a note, ok? Let's not panic just yet." Olivia nodded her head, wanting desperately to believe him, but her heart wouldn't stop pounding. "Now, come on, Liv," Elliot said, taking her hand. He quickly scanned the counters of the kitchen...and there it was. He picked up the piece of paper, scanned it, and showed it to Olivia. Olivia took the sheet of paper and examined it thoroughly, running her fingers over it as if she had never seen a note on her kitchen counter before.

"She took the kids to the park," Elliot told her. "And she said she'd be back at 5:30, and it's only 5:16 now. You and I both know you can set a watch by Kathy. They'll be here, safe and sound, in 14 minutes." Fin had returned sometime during the conversation, overhearing where Tina was. Although he had thought the same thing Olivia did, he hadn't been paralyzed by fear in the same manner she had.

"See, Baby Girl? There's nothing to worry about," Fin said. He put an arm around her shoulders, but he never anticipated her reaction.

"No!" Olivia screamed, throwing her arms to detach both Elliot's and Fin's hands from her body. "Don't touch me!" She shoved her way between the two of them, clutching the note to her chest as if she couldn't live without it.

"How long has she been doing that?" Elliot whispered to Fin once she was out of earshot.

"She's fine," Fin said. It was one thing for him to know his wife wasn't entirely stable, but it was another thing entirely to have it pointed out by someone else. As he started to leave, Elliot pulled him back.

"No, she's not. And I'm only asking because I'm her friend and her partner, and I'm worried about her," Elliot said. Fin sighed. He was tired, too. He was tired of constantly walking on eggshells around her, not knowing what will set her off and what won't. He can never tell when she will cling to him or when she'll push him away in terror.

"She needs help, Fin," Elliot said.

"I know, and she's already seeing someone," Fin said, sounding more irritated than he had meant to. Fin filled a glass half full with water and followed Olivia's path to where she now sat on the sofa. She seemed like she was having trouble breathing, and Elliot watched helplessly as Fin reached into his pocket and extracted an orange plastic bottle. He shook a white pill out of it and bent down next to Liv.

"It's ok, Baby. Everything's fine. Here," he said, handing her the pill, which she eagerly popped in her mouth, then drained the water. After a few minutes passed, the medication kicked it. Her breathing slowly returned to normal, and she seemed visibly more relaxed. And that's when they both noticed Elliot had witnessed the entire episode.

"Anxiety attacks," Olivia explained. "They come on without warning, and it seems like almost anything can trigger them." Fin sat next to her with an arm protectively draped over the back of the sofa behind her, but careful not to touch her.

"And the pills…?" Elliot asked.

"Anti-anxieties. They're to stop the attacks. My shrink says they can be managed in time, though," Olivia explained patiently. Elliot nodded, but he couldn't help noticing just how drastically she had changed. Yes, she still looked like Olivia Benson, but this woman in front of him who completely lost her grip on reality because a baby-sitter – someone she trusted implicitly, no less – had taken her daughter to the park, this woman was not the tough, strong, fearless Olivia Benson he knew.

"Elliot, stop looking at me like I'm glass," she said, breaking his train of thought.

"I'm sorry," Elliot said, shaking his head to break the stare. "I've just never seen you like this before." Lucky for him, his wife picked that exact moment to return with Tina and Eli in tow, so he never got to hear the retort brewing on Olivia's tongue.

"Mommy!" Tina cried, running towards Olivia's outstretched arms.

"Hi, Baby!" Olivia exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Tina. "Mommy missed you so much!" She gave Tina a kiss on the cheek. "Why don't you take Eli into your room and find something to play. I need to talk to Aunt Kathy for a minute."

"Kay. C'mon, Eli, let's go!" Tina said, taking Eli by the hand and scampering towards her bedroom. As soon as the door was closed, Olivia turned to Kathy.

"Just what in the hell did you think you were doing?" Olivia asked. Her mood had changed from happy and relieved to fury.

"The kids were going crazy cooped up in here. This was the first nice day we've had in a while, so I thought I'd let them run off some extra energy in the park," Kathy explained, shocked at Olivia's accusation.

"Without telling us? Or asking for permission to take OUR daughter anywhere?" Olivia scolded.

"Liv…calm down. Kathy's taken the kids out dozens of times," Elliot said softly, defending his wife.

"That's not the point, Elliot," Olivia said sharply.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I really didn't think it was that big of a deal," Kathy said.

"Do you have any idea what could have happened to her? Do you know how many kids are snatched off of playgrounds every day in this city?" Olivia exclaimed.

"Liv, Sweetheart, we've all had a tough day. Kathy didn't mean to do anything to upset you," Fin said gently, touching her gently for reassurance.

"Don't. Touch. Me!" Olivia roared, throwing her arms to shake his hands from her body. "And you," she said, turning her attention back towards Kathy and pointing an accusatory finger.

"Don't you EVER take my daughter out without my explicit permission, is that clear?" Kathy nodded, more to appease an enraged Olivia than anything else.

"Now, both of you, get out of my house," she snapped. Kathy opened her mouth to say something, but swallowed her words quickly when Elliot spoke.

"It's not worth it, Kath. Let's just go," he said. They quickly rounded up Eli, and headed out.

"Hang on, Elliot. I'll walk you guys to the car," Fin said, jumping towards the door.

"Hey…" he said, pulling the front door closed behind them. "Listen, I'm sorry about all that. I don't know what got into her."

"Tina was safe," Kathy said sharply. "And I resent the implication that I would have allowed anything to happen to her."

"I know she was, Kathy. I know, but Olivia…Olivia's convinced that she's the only one who can keep Tina safe right now. She needs time," he explained. Kathy took a deep breath to calm down.

"I can't imagine what she went through, but she seems to be getting worse, not better," Kathy said. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's go, Elliot." As Elliot escorted Kathy and Eli out of the building, Fin returned to Olivia.

Olivia turned her attention to cooking, and so dinner that night was an elaborate feast of mozzarella and spinach stuffed chicken, fresh steamed asparagus, and scalloped potatoes, all from scratch. Tina ate everything except the chicken, claiming that she didn't like green stuff in her chicken, so Olivia appeased her with chicken nuggets. No one mentioned the funeral or Olivia's outburst at Kathy. In fact, they were almost normal, whatever that was. Olivia managed to bathe Tina, but only after a temper tantrum. Tina was still terrified of drowning in the bathtub, but Olivia certainly had an easier time persuading her than Fin did.

"Ok, Tina, time for bed," Olivia said.

"Hey, Liv," Fin began, hanging the towel he was using to dry off the counters in its spot on the oven handle.

"Yeah?" Olivia said, giving him half of her attention.

"She's just going to wind up having nightmares again. Why don't you put her in our room where there's more space?" he suggested. "She can sleep with us, at least until she gets through this nightmare phase."

"No, it's ok. She needs to learn to sleep in her own bed," Olivia said. "Come on, Tina."

"You're just going to wind up sleeping in there with her, like you have every night since you came home from the hospital. Save yourself the trouble and put her in our room. You need sleep, too," he insisted. Olivia bit her lower lip. Tina wasn't the one with constant nightmares, she was.

"I'm fine, really," Olivia said.

"Ok, out with it," Fin said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?" Olivia said.

"What's really going on here? Because this doesn't seem like it entirely revolves around Tina," he said. His voice was gentle, but his stance showed that he was tired of her dancing around real issues.

"Nothing's going on. She has nightmares, and she sleeps better when I'm there to comfort her," Olivia said, turning her gaze away from Fin.

"I'm not buying it, Olivia. She's not the one I hear crying in the middle of the night," Fin said.

"Look, this arrangement is working, so let's just drop it," she said, getting more irritated.

"Not until you tell me what the real issue is," Fin pressed.

"Stop interrogating me," she warned.

"Tell me, Liv," he said, taking her upper arms in his hands and forcing her to look him in the eye. "Whatever it is, just tell me. Please." Olivia hesitated. She wanted to tell him, but she just didn't want to hurt him anymore than he already was. "I still love you."

"I can't sleep with you in the same bed," she said softly, pushing his arms away and turning so he wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. "Go ahead, yell." Fin sighed and sank to the sofa.

"Baby Girl, I'm not going to yell. But, I thought you felt safe with me," he said.

"I did…I do…but…" she trailed off.

"But I'm the one who didn't protect you," he said softly. Olivia quickly took a spot on the couch and grabbed his hands.

"No! Don't ever think that. There was no way you could've prevented it. I don't blame you, Fin; I never have, and you shouldn't blame yourself," Olivia assured him.

"Then what?" he asked, his eyes saying everything else.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see Joseph and Adam. I can feel them on my body, and it's like it's happening all over again," she began. "When you sleep, you tend to pull me into your arms. I used to love it because I felt safe there, but unless I'm awake, my brain thinks that it's one of them holding me down again," Olivia explained as gently as she could. "I don't blame you, because you're always asleep at the time, but it scares the hell out of me every time, and that's why I go check on Tina."

"So, that's it? You won't even try?" he said.

"No, that's not it. I try, Honey. I try every single night, but I just…it's going to take some time. We'll get there," she assured him.

"You really wake up terrified every night?" he asked, incredulously. Olivia nodded.

"Every single night," she said.

"I can't do that to you anymore. I won't hurt you the way that they did," he said. "You take Tina to our room; I'll sleep in her room. When you're ready, we can put things back to the way they were."

But that never happened. Three months later, Fin was still going to bed in Tina's room, kept warm by pick sheets and the Cinderella comforter on her bed while Olivia and Tina slept in the master bedroom. It started as a temporary situation, but Fin was starting to wonder if it was becoming permanent.

There were other changes in Olivia, too. She kept going to therapy, but she hated leaving the house. Every unfamiliar noise spooked her to the point of an anxiety attack, and heaven forbid a delivery man bore even the slightest resemblance to Adam or Joseph. But what alarmed Fin the most was that she absolutely refused to let Tina out of her sight for more than five minutes. In previous summers, Olivia would pack a cooler every morning and take Tina to the community pool or the beach for the day, almost every day. Olivia had a chance to catch up on some reading, and Tina never tired of the water. But now, public places unnerved Olivia. So, Tina got to swim, but she was confined to the private pool in their apartment building, instead of the public pool with other children. Occasionally, Kathy or Elliot would bring Eli over, but not nearly often enough for Tina's liking. Tina was bored, and she had absolutely no qualms about whining to Olivia or Fin every chance she got. He was trying to be patient with his wife and daughter, but he just wasn't sure how much patience he had left.

Fin knew better than most just how difficult it was for a victim to get back on their feet after a viscous attack. He also knew it was his job as the man of the house to take care of his family and he had failed at that once, no matter what Olivia told him, Fin knew the truth, and he wanted so desperately to gain Olivia's trust back but she wasn't giving him a chance. And, as cowardly and pathetic as Fin knew it was, he needed help with this as well. Every night he'd wake up drenched in a cold sweat, the nightmares ranging from the cold dark empty corridor where his family was screaming for him to help, to watching Olivia's rape over and over and over with nothing he could do to help her and she would scream that if she never would had fallen for 'that nigger' none of this would have happened. Fin rolled over, clutching the overly starched precinct pillow to his cheek. He had pulled a double shift today after spending most of the night trying to calm Olivia from several boughts of nightmares. She would have one, go to sleep, and wake up screaming less than an hour later. At least it wasn't every night anymore. Cragen had noticed the exhaustion and sent him to grab a nap in the Crib, for everyone's safety.

"_Anyone tell you how sexy you are, Baby Girl?" Olivia blushed as Fin chuckled before he leaned in and kissed her, running his tongue over hers as he held her tight against him as they sat in their bed together. Fin's lips left hers and started a trail down her jaw line to her neck and finally landing behind her ear as he gave her hot open mouth kisses, sucking and licking the one spot that drove her mad with desire._

"_I want you," Olivia breathed as Fin continued to devour the spot that sent a flood of wetness to her core. _

"_I want you too, Baby Girl," muttered Fin against her skin as his hands roamed her still covered body and reached underneath her tank top. He caressed her beautifully formed muscles before he moved slowly up and clutched her breasts. He massaged them for a moment before he made his way under her bra, pinching and tweaked her hard nipples with her fingertips. He grasped the bottom of her tank top and pulled it off of her before he reached behind her and unclasped her bra, throwing it across the room as well. Before she could even breathe he laid her down on the bed and his lips were wrapped around her taut nipple and he was sucking in earnest._

"_Oh God," Olivia moaned loudly as his hand reached up to give the opposite nipple equal satisfaction. "Fin…"_

_Fin smiled around the tip of her flesh as he continued to swirl his warm tongue around her, groaning softly as Olivia's jerked her chest into his mouth. Fin switched over to give its mirror image a repeat performance, all the while his hand was slowly beginning to move its way down her well formed stomach and was resting on her fly. He undid her jeans and slowly pulled them and her panties down, running his hand back up her silky smooth leg to the juncture in-between her thighs._

"_You feel so good," Olivia breathed softly as Fin ran a finger through the slit, eliciting a moan and a shudder from the woman laying before him. Fin took his mouth from her breast, chuckling as Olivia let out a whimper of need, craving his warm mouth on her. He rested his mouth near her ear, gently nibbling on it. _

"_Can I put my cock in your mouth? Please suck me, Baby; I need you so bad right now." Olivia tensed up slightly as Fin continued to lay hot sensual kisses on her flesh. _

"_I… I can't. Not right now."_

"_Come on," Liv," groaned Fin as his hands slowly trailed down her arms and took her wrists in his. "Please blow me."_

"_I said no." Olivia reached up and kissed him, a playful laugh escaping her lips. "Now where were we?" Fin's grasp tightened on her wrists as he brought them up above her head. _

"_You're being really fucking selfish right now," he growled softly. "You're my wife and if I say I want head, you fucking give me head." Olivia swallowed hard as Fin's kisses increased in their intensiveness as he tightened his grasp so hard it made her wince. _

"_Fin, stop," Olivia whimpered softly. "You're hurting me." Fin didn't listen as he grabbed the chains that were suddenly attached to the headboard and locked her wrists in place._

"_Don't," Olivia begged as he reached in-between them and undid his jeans, pulling them and his boxers off and throwing them across the room. "Fin…" He moved up until he was all but sitting on her face and looked down, her wide terrified brown eyes making him even harder than before._

"_Open your mouth," he demanded as he seized his throbbing manhood. Olivia shook her head as she recoiled away from him, tears welling in her eyes. _

"_I said open your fucking mouth!" he roared as he hit her in the face as hard as he possibly could. When Olivia let out a cry of pain Fin grabbed her face and shoved himself into her open mouth. Olivia screamed around him as Fin grabbed a hold of her hair and began to thrust hard in and out of her. "You better fucking make it good for me," he snarled as he twisted his hands in her silky strands and pulled her more onto him. "Or else you're dead do you understand me?" Olivia let out a muffled sob as she began to hesitantly lick him up and down as she slowly sucked him, Fin choking her with every wild thrust._

"_Come on," growled Fin as he moved himself in and out of her. "Take it like the good little whore I know you are." Then without warning, Fin pulled back slightly only to slam his entire length inside of her mouth until her face was pressed tight against his stomach. Olivia's back arched off of the bed as she flailed wildly, shaking her head frantically as Fin groaned loudly, holding her head there so she couldn't pull back enough to even get a single breath in. Just as Olivia saw black spots dancing in front of her eyes, Fin pulled out of her, delighted to hear the sobs that accompanied the use of her mouth again. He moved back so he was straddling her center before he slammed his lips down on hers. When she screamed he shoved his tongue into her, gagging her before he pulled out again._

"_Get off me!" screamed Olivia as he reached in-between them and pulled down his own jeans and boxers, throwing them across the room. Fin cupped her sex with his hand, making her cry out in pain as he shoved a finger inside her._

"_I own this pussy," he snarled as he moved his weapon of choice hard inside of her. "I own this pussy, I own this ass," he took his other hand and slapped her hard on the cheek before he shoved two fingers inside her ass, making her arch her back and shriek in pain._

"_STOP!" she shrieked as she tried to twist away from his touch but the more she struggled, the harder he grew. "Fin! FIN, PLEASE! STOP!"_

"_I own these tits," he growled, ignoring her sobbing pleas. He bent down and latched his mouth onto her breast again, biting down so hard he drew blood. Fin pulled away from her bloody chest and smirked down at a sobbing frightened Olivia, the look of terror on her face making him harder than he ever thought possible. He pulled his hands out of her and wrapped them around her neck. _

"_And I own you," he finished sinisterly as he squeezed her neck tight until not even a single breath could pass through her lips. Olivia's eyes widened as her mouth opened and shut several times, trying to draw breath that wouldn't come. She jerked hard against the cuffs as she struggled to breathe. Just as Olivia felt the world around her go dark, Fin released her throat. Olivia gasped for air, her chest heaving as more tears streamed down her face. _

"_Stop," Olivia whispered, unable to get her throat over a scratchy whisper. "Fin, don't. Please..." Fin chuckled sinisterly as he bent down low next to her ear. _

"_Why would anyone ever listen to stupid whore who can't even keep her own children alive?"_

_And with those cruel words echoing in her ear, he thrust into her hard, ripping her and tearing her with every inch he went in. Olivia screamed so loud her voice cracked as Fin wasted no time before he began to pump in and out of her. Fin groaned loudly as he bottomed out in her again and again, the blood that was leaking from inside her acting as a lubricant that made him able to speed up to a crueler amount._

"_STOP!" screamed Olivia as Fin grabbed her breasts as his athletic body continued to slam against hers as he pounded ruthlessly against her core. "Get off me, you FUCKING nigger!"_

_Fin only laughed at her pained pleas as he continued to thrust in and out of her. He began to speed up as he felt a tight constricting in his balls and with a loud groan he buried himself balls deep inside her as he came deep inside of her. After Fin was done he collapsed on top of her, panting heavy in her ear as he thrust his softening member, that was still inside her, in and out a few more times._

_Fin felt a strong clap on his shoulder. He looked back and saw a beaming Joseph standing there next to him with his hand on his shoulder, looking at Fin with a pride that a master would look at a dog that had just perfected a complicated trick._

"_Good boy."_

_Fins face morphed into a look of absolute horror. No. No he hadn't... No! He whipped back around and saw Olivia, the woman he loved more than life itself; bruised and bloodied and broken with tears streaming down her face, tears he had caused. She slowly turned to him and with trembling lips asked only one question. "Why?"_

XxXxX

Munch sighed as he typed the final few sheets of paperwork in a particularly brutal rape case where a woman's own brother set her up to be raped so he could pay off his drug debt. He and Fin, who had finally been taken off desk duty, had been working long grueling hours for the past two weeks with only a few hours of rest at home for each of them.

Munch wasn't sure what was wrong with his partner but he didn't like it. He was looking haggard, tired, and just plain miserable day after day. Munch tried to get him to talk but Fin would always shrug it off with 'I'm cool,' and try to go on about his day, but Munch wasn't fooled. He had played the Detective Game far too long for that to fool him. Just as Munch was typing in the very last sheet, he heard a single long primal scream coming from the Crib belonging to his partner.

"Fin!" cried Munch as he got up from his desk and sprinted towards the Crib. He slammed open the door and stood in shock for a moment at the sight that met him; Fin flailing and thrashing in one of the beds as he continued his scream that shook Munch to the very core. Munch swallowed his fear as he raced over to Fin and grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Fin! Fin, wake up!" Munch yelled as he shook Fin frantically, his eyes wide with worry. Fin's eyes shot open and he grabbed a hold of Munch tight, stood up in a flash and slammed him hard against the wall.

"You bastard!" roared Fin as he pulled his hand back to hit him, his eyes wide with rage.

"Fin, stop!" shouted Munch as he held his hands up in surrender. "It's me! It's just me…" Fin's face slowly fell as he took a step backwards, his whole body shaking as the scene in front of him slowly came into focus. It was Munch, not Joseph, who he had pinned up against the wall and they were in the Crib, not the basement that would haunt him the rest of his life.

Fin's stomach twisted dangerously as the nightmare came rushing back to the forefront of his mind. Without a single doubt, his worst nightmare was the one he had just experienced. He had been the one to hurt her. He had been the one she was begging to stop. He had been the one that violated her… At this point the only thing he wanted was to go to her and hold his wife as tight as he possibly could in his arms and treat her like the Goddess she was.

But he couldn't. He couldn't because she didn't trust him enough and he didn't blame her one single bit.

Fin twisted away from his partner and raced over to the wastebasket beside the door, getting to the trash can just in time to empty his stomach contents into them, gasping for breath. The fact that he had a raging hard on made him even more disgusted with himself and he felt another wave of sickness crash over him. Munch hesitated for a moment before he walked over and clapped him on the shoulder.

"It's okay," he told him gently as Fin dry heaved. "Come on, Man, it's okay…"

"I hurt her," he gasped through his sickness. "I hurt her so bad… Oh God I ruined her."

"It was only a nightmare. She's safe. You didn't hurt her" Munch told him, knowing which of his girls he was referring to thanks to the tell tale evidence of the bulge in Fin's jeans. After Fin was done heaving and being sick, Munch helped him stand up and steadied him when Fin began to sway.

"Come on," said Munch, surprisingly soft for the veteran Detective, "you look like you could use a drink." Fin stayed silent as Munch led him to the abandoned break room on the second level and sat him down on the shabby overstuffed couch that was probably high fashion in nineteen seventy. Munch reached into the fridge and pulled out Fin's signature drink of choice; an ice cold Diet Coke. Fin silently took the can from his partner and simply sat there with Munch besides him in silence for several long minutes.

Fin peeled off the metal tab with a soft pop as he took a long slow sip and turned to look out the window. It was a nice, warm summer night, and had everything been normal, tonight would have been the perfect night to sit on the roof in beach chairs, eating fresh strawberries and drinking ice cold champagne with Olivia, which would be followed with love making that would leave them both breathless. But instead he was in no hurry what so ever to get home because the only thing he had to look forward to was Tina whining how she wanted to go to the pool or beach while they ate an otherwise silent dinner and watching as Olivia got Tina ready to sleep in their bed while he made up Tina's bed for himself again.

He'd laid there in the pink room and listen to Olivia read Tina a chapter from the original Wizard of Oz book and he'd have to hold back bursting in the room when Tina told Olivia she wanted her daddy to read her stories because she liked the voices he used with the different characters. Then he'd slowly fall asleep and be woken up by his own hellish nightmares, come to work, go home and repeat the mundane process he had no idea how to break.

"You okay?" Munch muttered as Fin took another small sip of soda. Fin shook his head as a response and set the can down in front of him, his hands still shaking. Munch swallowed hard as he peered over at him. "Must have been a pretty rough dream. You wanna talk about it?"

Munch expected a shake of the head or a 'no' from his usually silent partner but he never in his wildest dreams expected the next words to ever pass Fin's lips.

"I raped Olivia." Munch's nodded slowly. Dreams like this weren't uncommon in situations like Fin's. "Go on." Fin shook his head as he took another sip of soda.

"It started off consensual and hot, ya know? Like all my dreams are about her. She was enjoying it; I sure as hell was enjoying it, and then it just… I forced her to blow me and I ra…raped her." Fin put his head in his hands. "I can't believe I did that to her."

"It was just a nightmare, Fin," Munch assured him, "nothing more. You didn't hurt her."

"I couldn't stop her from being attacked. I made her go through that hell, I ruined her life."

Munch hesitated before he spoke.

"Are we still talking about the dream?" Fin sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know. It's my fault she was attacked, it's my fault our son was murdered, it's my fault she was raped too many times to count…"

"No it's not," said Munch, an air of authoritism in his voice. "The only people who should be blaming themselves are Joseph Colin and Victoria Black. You are not responsible for this."

Fin shook his head.

"Olivia doesn't trust me anymore. She can't even stand to sleep in the same bed as me."

"She was raped, Fin. You know these things take time."

"It's been almost four months." Fin shook his head. "I failed her as a husband, and she doesn't trust me anymore. Who can blame her?" Munch paused for a long moment as he struggled to get his words right.

"I think what your problem is you're waiting for everything to go back to the way it was before with no hitches. Like one day she'll come home from therapy and screw you into next Tuesday and you'll go back to having the perfect life again. You gotta put some effort into it, Fin. Yeah, she's going to therapy but talking to some stranger for an hour every Wednesday isn't going to help her if you don't help either."

"I do help her!" protested Fin. "I'm giving her all of the support she can handle, I'm sleeping in Tina's room. Hell, I overheard her on the phone talking to Alex saying that she's worried I'm gonna leave her because she can't even so much as think about sex without having an anxiety attack! Do you know how shitty I felt after that? That my own wife thinks I'd leave her because she won't put out? I didn't marry her to get unlimited access between her legs and she knows it! But did I confront her? No, because I love her and I'm understanding and supportive of everything that she's going through. So don't sit there and tell me I'm not making an effort to help her when I'm doing everything I can think of and then some to get her to the point where she can at least function!" Munch held up his hand in mock surrender.

"I get that and I'm not saying you're not putting any effort in. But what I _am_ saying is that all of the stuff we tell victims to do isn't going to magically get her back to how she was."

"Then what do I do?" Fin looked absolutely defeated. "I want to help her but I…"

"You're used to being the cop," Munch said with a shrug. "And so is she. She knows exactly how pointless the routine speeches are just as well as you and I do. You telling her you're going put the guy away for years on end isn't what she needs from you right now. She needs you to be a husband; not a colleague.

"Think of the attack as a start over point. Take her back to when you were first dating. As much as you like to believe it, she didn't fall head over heels in love with you at first sight. You took your time dating her right?" Fin nodded. "So date her again," Munch finished as if it was obvious. "Take her out, bring her flowers, treat her each time you go out like the very first date. Romantic but not a lot of touchy feely. Don't act like a couple who's been married for five years. Act like two people who met each other on an online dating site." Fin cocked his brow at him.

"Do you really think that'll work?"

"Yes," Munch said without a single hair of a doubt. "It might take a few months but I promise you, Fin. You treat her like a new girlfriend instead of your wife, and she'll come around. In fact…" Munch thought long and hard for a moment before he got a look of wild excitement on his face. Well, excited by Munch's standards. "Our annual summer Yankee Game! Take Olivia instead of me. It'll be a date but you won't have to sit intimately together, and it's during the daytime so no walking around at night…" Fin shook his head.

"Olivia will never leave Tina alone for that long. There's no way."

"So take Tina with you," Munch suggested "Downgrade the two fantastic seats we got to three great Family Section seats. Olivia will probably appreciate being far away from the drunken idiots getting rowdy and handsy with her." A smile solely grew on Fin's face. This was perfect. Watching the Yankees play was something special to Fin and Olivia because not only because it gave Fin and Olivia a chance to have some fun while reconnecting but it was also their very first official date.

It would be perfect.

Fin grinned as he turned towards Munch. "You'd really give up your seat for me and my girls?"

Munch smiled a true, albeit extremely rare, smile at his partner. "Of course. Trust me Fin. Everything is going to work out perfectly, you'll see."

Neither man knew just how wrong Munch really was.

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	45. Chapter 45

_**This is a special treat…especially for those of you who are sick of politics. I voted this morning, and personally, I can't wait until the political ads are off my TV. So, take a break, and catch up with Liv and Fin!**_

**Chapter 45**

3:00 in the morning, and Olivia was wide awake. At least Fin wasn't standing over her this time, and she had managed to come out of her nightmare without waking Tina. She was too jittery to try to go back to sleep, and she was terrified that any of the calming drugs that had been prescribed for her would plummet her back into a nightmare she couldn't pull herself out of. She quietly brewed herself a cup of chamomile tea and settled on the couch, turning the TV on low. Maybe a light-hearted story of some kind would lull her back into sleep.

Fortunately, a cable network was showing a rerun of _Gone with the Wind, _and the movie had just started.Scarlet and Rhett would do the trick nicely. Olivia curled into a ball in her most comfortable pajamas, sipping the warm tea as the movie played out. She lost herself in the Southern plantations of the 1860s, and politics of slavery, and the unrequited love of Scarlet O'Hara and Rhett Butler.

Fin's alarm woke him at 6:00, as it did every morning. He realized that he had actually slept through the night, which was quite an achievement in and of itself. If his own nightmares didn't jar him from a restful sleep, Tina's cries or Olivia's screams did. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and padded to the kitchen to start the coffee, with a smile on his face. When he left Tina's bedroom, though, he noticed the TV was flickering in the background. He moved to turn it off, but when he rounded the sofa, he noticed Olivia's sleeping form curled on her side. He paused to stare at her for a moment. She had a peaceful look on her face that he hadn't seen in a while, and he wished, more than anything, that he could do something to keep it that way. She clutched her arms around her a little tighter and drew her legs closer to her body as he watched her. Careful not to wake her, he pulled a fleece blanket hanging over the back of the sofa over her body, picked up the now empty tea cup on the end table next to her, and quietly slipped into the kitchen. He didn't dare touch the TV because, for the moment, she was sleeping soundly.

He was reconsidering making coffee now. He didn't want to wake Olivia, but he didn't want to be stuck with the sludge Munch called coffee. He was about to settle for a stop at a coffee shop when he heard a wail from the master bedroom. Immediately, he dropped what he was doing and headed for the bedroom door. Tina was sitting up in bed, crying.

"Shhhh, Tina. What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?" he asked, closing the door to keep the living room quiet.

"Mommy…I want Mommy…" Tina sobbed.

"It's ok, Baby. Mommy's in the living room, but she's sleeping," Fin said, kneeling next to the bed, rubbing Tina's back.

"NO!" Tina wailed. "I! WANT! MOMMY!" Fin tried fruitlessly to calm the hysterical toddler, but just as he was about to calm her again, the bedroom door flew in, and a now wide-awake Olivia rushed in.

"I've got it," she said, as she climbed onto the bed next to Tina.

"Mommy's right here, Baby," she said, pulling Tina onto her lap and rocking her. "Shhh…" Olivia soothed. Tina clutched Olivia's shirt as she continued to sob.

"You weren't here when I woke up!" she wailed.

"I'm here, Tina. Everything's ok," Olivia said. Fin just stood back, watching the scene in front of him, feeling completely and utterly helpless. Gradually Tina's sobs quieted, and Olivia acknowledged his presence again.

"We're fine, Fin. You don't want to be late for work," she said.

"Liv…" he began.

"Just go. We'll be ok," she said. She wasn't yelling at him; she wasn't even the slightest bit upset. Fin shook his head and turned to get ready for work.

"Thanks for the blanket," she said, softly just before he left. He smiled. She was trying; she really was. As he crossed the living room back to Tina's room, the TV caught his eye. The channel Liv had fallen asleep to was now airing the morning news, and the headline that flashed across the bottom of the screen read "Prominent NYC Obstetrician Indicted for Illegal Abortions." He picked up the remote and turned up the volume.

"…Victoria Black. Dr. Stephanie Baker, also of the Manhattan Family Clinic reported the suspicious pattern of miscarriages to the FBI, and a thorough investigation has lead to the arrest of Dr. Black, who now faces 137 counts of illegal abortion. Back to you, Mark."

Fin stood in front of the TV, trying to process what he had just heard. He had known about Olivia, but 136 more? It was just too much to process. He picked up the remote and flipped to another channel, hoping to hear more of the story. He found another broadcast.

"Liv! Get out here!" he called. He heard rustling in the bedroom. "Hurry!" Olivia emerged, pulling the door behind her.

"Jesus, Fin keep your voice down. I just got Tina…" she said.

"Just watch this," he interrupted. Olivia listened to a slightly different version of the story from yet another reporter, this time with video of Black being led away in handcuffs. Olivia picked up the phone next to the sofa.

"What are you doing?" Fin asked as she punched the numbers on the phone and brought it up to her ear.

"Calling Dana. I want to know exactly what that bitch was up to," Olivia said.

XxXxX

Agent Lewis rubbed her eyes in a futile effort to fight off fatigue. Normally, she didn't mind working around the clock on a case. In fact, it generally energized her. But this was different. This was a case involving someone she knew, and she desperately wanted to see justice served. Just as she was preparing for a meeting with the federal prosecutor, her phone rang.

"Agent Lewis," she answered.

"Dana…it's Olivia. What the hell is going on over there?" she asked. Dana sighed. This was the phone call she had been putting off. She knew that Olivia still hadn't bounced back completely, but that was no excuse. She had meant to call before the arrest of Victoria Black, but the media had picked up the story, and she had been running interference all night long.

_**Six weeks ago…**_

_Stephanie Baker double checked the address for the FBI building again. The receptionist had sent her to this floor. She scanned the room of cubicles, finally spotting the woman she was looking for._

"_Excuse me, you're the agent handling the Tutuola case, aren't you?" she asked Dana. Dana spun around in her chair, removing her reading glasses._

"_I am," she confirmed, waiting for the woman in front of her to continue._

"_I'm Dr. Stephanie Baker, Olivia Tutuola's obstetrician. I have some information that may be of some use to you," she said._

"_Come with me," Dana said, ushering Dr. Baker into an interview room. "Please, have a seat."_

"_I'm not really sure where to begin," Dr. Baker said, laying a stack of file folders on the table in front of her. Dana smiled._

"_Why don't you start at the beginning," Dana said warmly._

"_Well, you know Dr. Victoria Black is the woman Olivia identified as the woman who injected her with the salt solution that caused her miscarriage, right?" Dr. Baker began. Dana nodded. "I think there's more going on there than just Olivia's case, and I think I can prove it." Dan sat down, giving Dr. Baker her full attention._

"_Go on," she said._

"_Three days after I delivered Olivia's son, I was paged to Mercy Hospital. A patient of mine was rushed there with a suspected miscarriage. During the course of her treatment, she disclosed that Dr. Black had told her just a few days earlier that her baby was fine. This was a young, healthy woman. There's no reason she should have had a miscarriage," Dr. Baker explained._

"_Forgive me doctor, but I'm not a medical expert. Don't miscarriages just happen for no apparent reason sometimes?" Dana asked. Dr. Baker nodded._

"_More times than not, yes. However, while I was waiting for Olivia to go into labor, a large supply of methotrexate was delivered to my clinic, paid for by a purchase order issued by Victoria Black. Now, methotrexate is a chemotherapy drug, and my clinic doesn't treat cancer; those patients are always referred to an oncologist," Dr. Baker explained._

"_So what would a fertility specialist need metho…whatever for?" Dana asked._

"_In low doses, it can be effective for treating ectopic pregnancies, but the quantities we received are far greater than that," Dr. Baker said. Dana rubbed her forehead._

"_I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm not following. What does this have to do with the Tutuola case?" she asked._

"_I'm getting to that. I started to do some research on methotrexate, and I came across this," Dr. Baker said, sliding a printed article from a medical journal across to data, with a section highlighted. "It states that a side effect of methotrexate in pregnant women can result in the loss of a fetus, presenting as a normal miscarriage._

"_Given what Olivia had told me about Victoria, I was already a little suspicious, so on a hunch, I had a blood test done on my patient at Mercy. Her blood showed traces of methotrexate, but she had a normal pregnancy," Dr. Baker explained._

"_Hold on, she had traces of a miscarriage drug in her system? And you think Black gave it to her? Isn't that a bit of a stretch?" Dana asked._

"_Wait until you hear this. The mother was Caucasian; the father was black," Dr. Black said. Dana swallowed hard._

"_Like the Tutuolas," Dana filled in. Dr. Baker nodded again and continued._

"_I had my receptionist pull the records on every miscarriage over the past nine months, and I started to see a pattern. We had a surge of miscarriages in the months after I went on vacation. Normally, my patients are referred to Victoria when I'm out and vice versa. Then I started breaking them down by demographic…age, race, economic status, and I found another pattern. An overwhelming majority of the miscarriages where one parent was white and the other non-white occurred within weeks of the mother seeing Victoria. When I checked their charts, every single one of them recorded that a pre-natal vitamin was administered at that visit immediately preceding the miscarriage," Dr. Baker told her. _

"_So, I requested more records. I kept going back farther and farther, and the pattern just got stronger. But here's the bigger catch: we don't have an injectable pre-natal vitamin in our inventory. So, she couldn't be administering pre-natals," Dr. Baker said._

"_How many?" Dana asked._

"_137. Over the last 10 years," Dr. Baker said, pushing the stack of paperwork towards Dana. "The patients' names have been redacted, as required by HPPA, but all of the demographic and medical information is there. Get a court order, and I'll give you the names myself."_

"_I have to have my crime lab go through this," Dana said, flipping open the top folder._

"_I understand," Dr. Baker said. _

"_If this checks out, we're going to need to interview the victims, see what they remember. Let's keep this quiet until my lab finalizes the report," Dana said._

"_My lips are sealed. Like I said, get a court order, and I'll give you the names," Baker said._

XxXxX

"Olivia, we need to talk, as soon as possible," Dana said into the mouthpiece of the phone.

"I'm available all day," she said.

"Fine. I'll be at your apartment in an hour," Dana said, hanging up the phone. Everything Olivia thought she knew was about to be turned upside down.

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

"What did she say?" Fin asked Olivia when she hung up the phone.

"She wouldn't say much over the phone, but she said she'd be here in an hour," Olivia told him. Fin looked back at the TV screen, which was still stuck on the story.

"…appears to be racially motivated. According to our sources, many of these women believed that they had natural miscarriages," a blonde reporter standing in front of the clinic told him. He slowly turned to Olivia, who was still standing in front of the TV, carefully taking in all of the information that was being thrown at her. Her brow was furrowed as she processed the information in front of her.

Fin mentally went through his checklist. 1) A doctor at Olivia's clinic was arrested for illegal abortion. 2) Dana Lewis wouldn't give Olivia any information over the phone, but requested to speak with her in person. 3) If the information on the news was correct, there was a racial element to all of this. 4) Victims believed they were having natural miscarriages. 5) Olivia had had two miscarriages since she had become a patient at the clinic.

"No," Fin said under his breath, too softly for Olivia to hear.

"Fin…" she said, looking up from her thoughtful pose. "You don't think…" But she knew he came to the same conclusion she had. She could read it on his face, plain as day.

"No," Fin said adamantly. "Don't let yourself go there, Olivia. We don't know anything for sure yet." He paused for a moment. Olivia had that forlorn look on her face again. "Let me call Cragen. I don't think you should talk to Dana alone."

"No, go," Olivia said. "You've used up enough vacation time already. I'll be fine."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone, Baby Girl," he said, reaching out for a reassuring touch. She jerked away, trying to cover the movement by moving to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

"I'll be fine," she told him in no uncertain terms. But Fin didn't want to head off to work like nothing was wrong. He wanted to comfort his wife and be comforted by her. He wanted to sit next to her and hold her hand when Dana interviewed her, because he was certain that was what she planned to do when she got here. He wanted to give her a shoulder to cry on if the news was as bad as he suspected it was, and he didn't want her to be afraid of his touch. Hell, he needed her, too.

"What time is Dana coming over?" he asked.

"She said she'd be here in an hour," Olivia said.

"Let me take half a day, Honey," he said. Olivia sighed. She knew what he wanted. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor, but how could he rescue her from something he couldn't possibly fix? As much as she appreciated his effort, she just couldn't figure out how to make him understand that she wanted to be alone.

"I just…" Olivia began, trying not to let her annoyance come through. She shook her head and tried again. "I need time, and right now, I really need for you to back off." It sounded harsh, even to her own ears, but her therapist had been encouraging her to communicate her boundaries to him.

"Am I touching you too much again?" he asked. She nodded, embarrassed, but relieved. Fin perched on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter and held his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Baby. All I want to do is comfort you, and I just don't know how." Olivia stood on the other side of the counter.

"It's not your fault. You've always been a little on the touchy feely side, and I love that about you. But right now…" she said, trailing off because she couldn't figure out how to put it into words.

"Right now, it's still a trigger," he finished for her. Before, Olivia liked reassuring touches and playful caresses, but this was proving to be an age-old battle for the two of them now. He would reach for her, and she would jump.

"Yeah…" she confirmed. Fin looked up at her. He wanted to reach across the counter and take her hand, but he didn't dare at this point.

"I love you so much," he said. Olivia smiled sadly.

"I love you, too," she said. "But…"

"MOMMY!" Tina shrieked from the next room.

"Oh, damn it," Olivia swore under her breath as she raced towards the bedroom Tina was in. This was Tina's latest issue. If she woke up, and Olivia wasn't next to her, she got hysterical. According to her therapist, Tina was suffering from a decent case of separation anxiety, brought on by her experiences in the basement of being forced to be separated from Olivia when she was more terrified than she had been in her short life. The fact that Tina had been subjected to witnessing Olivia's own torture only served to complicate matters.

"I'm right here, Tina," Olivia said, rushing into the room. She pulled Tina into her arms and kissed her head. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere, Baby," Olivia said again patiently.

"But the bad men took you away," Tina protested.

"You were dreaming again, Sweetheart. It was all just a dream," Olivia explained to Tina. All it took was a few words from Olivia, and Tina calmed down. Olivia set her down, and Tina grabbed her blankie, dragging it behind her as she headed for the kitchen.

"Hi, Daddy," she said as she shuffled towards Fin and reached her arms out to him. Fin picked her up and set her one his lap.

"Good morning, Baby. Are you hungry," Tina nodded sleepily and buried her head in his chest.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked.

"French toast," she mumbled into his shirt.

"Tina, Daddy has to go to work," Olivia said.

"No he doesn't. Daddy has the morning off," he told Tina. Olivia shot him a look.

"No, he doesn't," she said, in the same tone she used as a warning to Tina, crossing her arms.

"Yes he does," Fin said, still looking at Tina. Then he faced Olivia. "I just got off the phone with Cragen. He didn't think you should talk to Dana alone either."

"Fine," Olivia said, annoyed. "Obviously neither one of you understand that I'm an adult and perfectly capable of making my own decisions. Tina, you want French toast?" Tina nodded again.

"I want _Daddy's_ French toast," she clarified.

"Ok, how about you help me make it? Will you do that?" he asked. Tina nodded enthusiastically as a smile splashed across her face. Fin sat Tina on the kitchen counter as he pulled out the ingredients for his "special" French toast.

"Ok, first we have to wash our hands," Fin said, and Tina immediately crawled over to the sink, and mimicked everything Fin did. Then, he placed a mixing bowl on the counter next to Tina, and handed her an egg.

"Can you crack this and put it in the bowl?" he asked her. For some reason, cracking eggs was one of Tina's favorite things to do in the kitchen, and she happily did it as he handed her the eggs one at a time. Olivia took the stool previously occupied by Fin and watched the two of them together. He really was a great dad, which was one of the reasons she had married him in the first place. He let Tina mix the batter before he picked up a whisk and beat the eggs with a finesse that Tina didn't have the motor skills to master just yet.

"Now, you know what the secret to good French toast is, right?" he asked Tina as he reached for the spice rack.

"Cimmonen!" she said enthusiastically. Olivia chuckled at the mispronunciation. Tina was content to watch as Fin battered the bread and put it into the hot skillet. When the first two slices were done, he set them aside to cool while he added more to the pan. After the second batch was finished, he dressed it with butter and syrup. Then, he cut the first one up into sticks and set it on a plate with a small bowl of syrup. The French toast sticks he placed in front of Tina, who was still sitting on the counter, distracted by Olivia tickling her.

"Fin, you're letting her eat on the counter?" Liv asked. Fin shrugged.

"Why not? It's just this once," he said jovially, setting the second plate in front of Olivia. Olivia looked at it and realized she wasn't really hungry.

"Here," she said. "You eat. I'm not that hungry." Fin raised an eyebrow at her. This was another battle he was tired of having with her. She hardly ever felt like eating. "You have to eat, Liv," he said.

"Yeah, 'Ommy, it'f good!" Tina said with a mouth full of French toast.

"I'm sure it is," Olivia said. "But I'm not as hungry as the two of you are."

"But…I made it," Tina said after she swallowed, looking crushed that Olivia wouldn't eat food Tina thought she had made. Fin smirked, but said nothing. Tina would win the argument for him. He knew his wife too well.

"Then I'm sure it's absolutely wonderful," Olivia said to Tina. "Fin, hand me a fork," she added reaching across the counter. Breakfast was surprisingly joyful as they gathered around the kitchen counter. For a brief moment, Fin had a glimpse of his family the way he remembered they used to be, especially when Olivia started to make Tina giggle by making funny faces. Tina was happy, Olivia was playful. He wanted to take this one breakfast and wrap it in a box so he could revisit it when things tensed up again. When they finished, Fin cleaned up the mess in the kitchen while Olivia attended to Tina's sticky face and hands.

"Hey, Liv," Fin said, knocking on the open bathroom door while she leaned Tina over the sink to wash her hands.

"Yeah," she said, distracted.

"Dana's going to be here soon, so why don't I take Tina to the P-A-R-K?" he asked.

"Uhhh…" Olivia said, thinking it over. She didn't really want to let Tina leave the apartment without her, but at the same time, how could she tell Fin that she didn't want him to take Tina anywhere?

"It's fine," Olivia said as she waved the thought away, "she can just play in her room."

"I think she'll have a lot of fun." Olivia set Tina back on the floor, and dried her hands and face. "Go play in your room, Baby." Tina looked up at Olivia with hopeful brown eyes.

"Will you come play with me, Mommy?"

"Mommy has to talk to someone about boring grown up stuff. So why don't you play in your room until I'm done?"

"You _could_ go play in your room," Fin said thoughtfully, "or we could go to the park!" Tina whipped towards Fin, missing the flash of anger in her mother's eyes.

"I wanna go to the park!" she squeeled happily as her face lit up.

"Fin!" Olivia snapped but he ignored her as he had done earlier that morning.

"If you go get dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. Hurry, Sweetie!" Tina took scampered off to her room. By this time, Tina could dress herself, as long as she was told what kind of clothes to put on. The colors and patterns still clashed more often than not, but the days of snow boots and tank tops were over, at least.

"Why did you do that?" demanded Olivia in a harsh whisper. "Now I'm going to have to call Dana and tell her to meet us at the park."

"You stay here and talk with Dana, I'll take Tina to the park by myself. You don't need to come along," he said, his voice slightly on edge. Olivia shook her head.

"Yes I do."

"I'm her father," Fin said, as he struggled to hold back the frustration he was feeling with Olivia. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to her. I can take my daughter to the park if I want to."

"She's my daughter, too. I have a right to decide when and if she goes somewhere!"

"And I trust you alone with her every time I'm at work! Why aren't you giving me the same courtesy?"

"Fin, that's not-!"

"If you don't trust me with her then just come out and say it," he snapped. "I was ready to take a bullet for her, Olivia. I'm not gonna let anything happen my kid!" He knew those were his concerns more than hers but he couldn't help himself. He already knew Olivia didn't trust him to keep her safe, but he was a good father. He'd die before he let anything happen to Tina.

"It's not you!" Olivia finally had the chance to blurt out. "It's just…when she's not here, I worry about her, and it doesn't matter who she's with. It's not a trust thing, Fin," she added softly, knowing just how big an issue that was for him. "I swear to God it isn't me not trusting you. I just… I'm worried about my baby, and my biggest fear is that something will happen to her again." Tears shone in her eyes, and Fin's anger melted away at the sight. He wanted to take her into his arms to reassure her, but he knew that would be a bad idea. "Liv," Fin said gently meeting her eyes dead on. "I would die before I let anything happen to my little girl," he told her without a single doubt or hesitation in his voice. "And you know that. But she's gotta get outta this house, Liv. She can't just sit in here all day, bored outta her mind." And the big thing is, deep down, Olivia knew he was right.

After a long tense moment Olivia swallowed hard before she nodded. "Ok, take her, but you have to swear to me that you will stay with her at all times, and be back by lunch. If you're late, I'll go crazy," Olivia told him.

Fin once again swallowed the bitter retort he wanted to throw her way. After all that, she still didn't trust him to keep Tina safe… "You know I wouldn't leave her alone, but I swear, Olivia. Everything will be fine, and we'll be back at 12:00 on the dot."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

Fin forced a smile and leaned in to give her a gentle kiss, but she turned and headed to her bedroom, presumably the change out of her own pajamas, before he could.

Roughly half an hour later, Fin was tying Tina's shoes before they headed out, while Olivia put on another pot of coffee.

"Listen, Fin, you have your phone with you, right? And you'll call if you're going to be later than noon?" she asked, nervously biting her lower lip. Fin finished tying Tina's shoe and turned to face Olivia. He reached out to put his hands on her upper arms, as his had so many times before, but stopped, remembering their earlier conversation.

"Liv, stop. She's going to be fine," he told her. Olivia pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as she looked away from him. "But, yes. I have my phone, and I won't have to call because we won't be late."

"Daddy, let's _go,_" Tina whined, pulling on Fin's pant leg. He turned to her and held up a finger.

"Just a minute, Tina. I need to talk to Mommy before we leave," he told her.

"No, _now!_" she whined again.

"Keep it up, Tina, and you won't be going anywhere except your room," Olivia said, raising an eyebrow. Fin turned his attention back to Liv.

"How long is it gonna take for you to figure out that Tina is just as safe with me as she is with you? Because this is getting old, Liv," he said, trying – and failing - to bite back the irritation in his voice, but standing his ground nonetheless.

"I'm trying!" Liv yelled. "I'm trying, ok! But I still hear her…" Olivia realized Tina was watching them wide-eyed, and she immediately lowered her voice. "I still hear her calling for me in the B-A-S-E-M-E-N-T when I couldn't get to her, and it hurts so bad I can barely breathe." Fin sighed.

"I know," he said. "Because the same thing happens to me, only it's my wife calling out for me." They stared at each other for a minute before Fin broke the gaze and took Tina's tiny hand.

"Come on, Tina, let's go play on the swings," he said. As he pulled open the door, he was greeted by a startled Dana Lewis raising her hand to knock on the door.

"Oh, hi, Fin," she said. "You scared the hell outta me."

"Sorry about that. I was just taking Tina to the park, so Olivia's all yours," he said, moving out into the hallway so that Dana could slip in through the door.

"Dana, hi," Olivia said shaking off Fin's final words. Dana Lewis had a haggard look to her. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her clothes were slightly rumpled, and she looked like she could fall asleep standing in the doorway. "Coffee?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, please…" Dana said as she closed the door behind her, sounding as if Olivia had just offered her life-saving medication.

"I just made a pot," Olivia said.

"Olivia, this isn't a social call," Dana began as Olivia pulled cream out of the refrigerator and set a bowl of sugar in front of Dana.

"I suspected as much," Olivia said. "And I want to know what's going on over at the Manhattan Family Clinic. I've used that clinic."

"I know, and that's why I'm here. You're name came up in the investigation," Dana said. Olivia set a steaming mug of coffee in front of Dana. "Ah! Thank you," Dana said gratefully, wrapping her hands around the mug and inhaling the scent deeply as a smile slid across her face. The pair of women moved to the sofa where Dana turned her attention towards the matter at hand. She flipped open her notebook, and asked Olivia her first question.

"When you were a patient at Manhattan Family, did you ever see Dr. Black?" Dana asked.

"Only when Dr. Baker was unavailable, but that seemed fairly standard," Olivia answered.

"Anything…unusual happen at any of those appointments?" Dana asked.

_**Three years ago…**_

"_Appointment for Olivia Tutuola with Dr. Baker," Olivia told the receptionist as Fin stood beside her, their hands clasped together while her other hand gently stroked the slight bulge only she seemed to feel in her stomach that held their second child._

"_I'm sorry, Mrs. Tutuola, Dr. Baker had an emergency at the Manhattan General," the receptionist told them sadly. "But Dr. Black is available, if you wish to see her." Olivia frowned slightly. She had met Dr. Black briefly, but she wasn't crazy about her. Dr. Black was a perfectly fine physician, but she just had an air of coldness surrounding her. She seemed friendly enough but there was something about the woman that just seemed… off. However, Olivia was only here for a twelve week check up, so what harm could come from it?_

_Olivia bit her bottom lip as she turned towards Fin who knew her reason for hesitation too well. He too felt the bitter chill surround them whenever Black entered the room, perhaps even a bit more then Olivia did._

"_You wanna come back another day?" he asked._

"_Don't be ridiculous. We had to call in a lot of favors in order to get time off together. I want you to be here for this baby's checkup like you were there for Tina's," Olivia argued softly._

_Fin nodded and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before he turned back to the receptionist who couldn't help but smile at the couple who was so obviously in love. _

"_We'll see Dr. Black." The receptionist smiled at them once more. _

"_Excellent. Have a seat, and she'll be right with you." Not even fifteen minutes later a nurse called Olivia and Fin into the exam room. After a nurse took Olivia's weight and blood pressure, she left and within a minute Black entered, smiling kindly at Olivia. But, like always, a cold chill crept up and seized them uncomfortably. Fin tightened his hold on Olivia's hand and took a step closer to his wife._

"_How are we feeling today, Olivia?" Black asked as she sat down in the stool in front of the ultra sound equipment._

"_Fine," Olivia told her. "Nothing out of the ordinary."_

"_Good," she said with another smile as her eyes looked over the chart. "Any morning sickness? Nausea? Vomiting?"_

"_Some," Olivia said. "But no better or worse than I had with my first."_

"_And your diet? Are you sticking to the pre-natal plan Dr. Baker gave you?" Dr. Black asked._

"_Yes. Well… this one likes the same thing her sister did, so there's been the occasional chip dipped in caramel sauce," Olivia said with a chuckle as she ran her hand over her stomach. Black chuckled and nodded. _

"_That's fine, just don't overdo it, okay? Now let's see how the fetus is doing." There it was. A slight shiver ran down both their backs. They knew Dr. Baker called the unborn child either a baby or a fetus, depending on the circumstances. If a mother was going to have an abortion or was planning to put the child up for adoption, it was a fetus. A cold, unfeeling medical term that helped detach the mother from the child, something that made it easier to give up, whether it be into the warm arms of an adoptive parent, or if they terminated the pregnancy. Something with no life in it yet that no one would feel guilty taking away._

_But, as it had been in the Tutuolas' case both times, Baker called their children 'babies' because they wanted children desperately and loved them both the moment they found out she was pregnant. Yet, here was Dr. Black, calling a very much wanted baby a 'fetus'. Even if it was the legal term, it still elicited a shudder from Olivia. Olivia caught Fin's eyes, and his grip on her hand tightened even more before she laid down on the medical bed and lifted her shirt so her abdomen was showing. Warming up the gel slightly in her hands, Black rubbed it over Olivia's abdomen, placed the wand on it, and turned on the ultra sound._

"_And there it is," Black said as she pressed a few buttons on the ultra sound to make it come in clearer. "Its heart looks like it's healthy, right amount of movement for its age, good length and weight. I say you have one perfectly healthy fetus." That time neither Olivia or Fin noticed the word and were too absorbed into looking at what they were both sure was another girl._

"_She's beautiful," Olivia breathed with a teary smile, the same emotion she got every time she saw her child on the sonogram. Fin chuckled as he reached over and kissed her ear. _

"_She takes after you then," he told her as he planted another light kiss on her hair before he too turned back to the monitor, both missing Black's slight cringe at the romantic gesture._

"_I'm going to print out a picture for you two, and then I have something for you to consider trying, Olivia," Black told them with another cheery smile as she pressed several more buttons on the sonogram and printed off a picture for the two of them. Then she helped Olivia wipe the gel from her tummy and brought up a new topic as Olivia sat up._

"_We have a new pre-natal vitamin here. Some of the current ones on the market can actually aggravate morning sickness, which makes you feel worse. This one is an injection, and it never touches your stomach, so it can't upset it. Based on your history of morning sickness, you're the perfect candidate for this drug. Would you be interested in trying it? You'll probably find that you can keep food down much more easily," Dr. Black explained. Fin and Olivia looked at each other before then turned back to her. _

"_How often would I have to have a shot? Every day?" Olivia asked._

"_No, that's the beauty of it," Dr. Black said. "Each dose is roughly a month, so we can administer it when you come in for regular exams."_

"_And, you're sure this won't hurt the baby?" Black laughed as if Olivia had asked some asinine question. Olivia looked up at Fin, searching him for an opinion._

"_I don't know…this seems like something we should discuss with Dr. Baker," Olivia said._

"_You are certainly free to do that, Olivia, but I should inform you that she tends to be a little…old-fashioned. I've done all of the research, and I've recommended this to many of my patients with morning sickness. You'd be surprised at how much better they say they feel afterwards," Dr. Black explained._

"_What do you think?" Olivia asked Fin._

"_It's up to you, Baby Girl. It's your stomach," he said, as he rubbed her back. "Although, it might mean we get a hot meal again." The smell of just about anything cooking was enough to send Olivia running for the bathroom these days, and Fin was starting to miss dinner that didn't come between two slices of bread._

"_You can always try it, Olivia, and if you don't like it, we can put you right back on the oral vitamins next month," Dr. Black told her. Truth be told, Olivia was so sick of feeling nauseous all the time. As long as it was safe for the baby…_

"_Ok, let's try it," Olivia said softly._

"_Wonderful! I really think you'll feel better after today," Dr. Black said. Dr. Black slid on a pair of latex gloves and prepped a syringe. Olivia bit her bottom lip for a moment before she nodded and rolled up her sleeve. Victoria quickly injected the contents of the syringe into Olivia's arm and covered it with a small piece of sterile gauze and a bandage. _

_Olivia rolled down her sleeve, unable to shake the feeling that she had just made a horrible mistake in trusting the woman standing before her. After they had finished the rest of the exam, Black handed them a photo of the ultrasound and sent them on their way with a smile. As the couple walked back to their car, Olivia subconsciously rubbed her shoulder where Black had injected her. _

"_Everything okay?" Fin asked as he held open the passenger door for her._

"_Yeah," Olivia muttered as she wrapped her arm around her stomach as if she was protecting her baby from her fears. "Yeah I'm okay." Olivia gave him a weak smile to prove her point and without another word, she slipped into the car._

As Olivia finished up her story, tears formed in her eyes again. She couldn't help but get emotional every time she talked about one of the tiny lives that had never come to be.

"That was the last picture that was ever taken of my second child," Olivia finished softly.

"Your chart indicated that you saw Dr. Black for the same pre-natal vitamin with your third pregnancy, too," Dana said. Olivia nodded.

"I was just so sick. I was hungry all the time, and when I ate, it would just come back up. Dr. Baker was away on vacation at the time, so I saw Dr. Black, hoping that she could help me," Olivia explained. "So, she suggested the pre-natal injection again, and I took it. Because whatever it was took the nausea away, but knowing what I know now, I'm betting that wasn't a 'pre-natal vitamin.'"

"You're right, Olivia. It wasn't," Dana said softly.

"Do you know what it was?" Olivia asked.

"We have reason to believe that it was actually a cancer drug that causes termination in pregnancy. According to my medical expert, it looks exactly like a normal miscarriage," Dana said. "I'm so sorry."

"And she did this 137 times," Olivia said softly. Dana nodded. Olivia could feel tears welling up in her, tears that she thought were long gone. Suddenly, it was like losing Taylor and Jordan all over again.

"Excuse me," she said, disappearing quickly into her bedroom. She just needed a moment to cry, and she didn't want to do it in front of Dana. Olivia braced herself on the dresser as the sobs overtook her body. She clutched her chest, trying in vain to cradle her aching heart. Losing Taylor had be tough, but losing Jordan had almost cost her everything. And, the way things were going now, she wasn't sure they were going to survive the loss of John.

"Olivia?" Dana called, softly rapping on the closed door. "You ok, hon?" Olivia steeled herself, trying to force the emotions back to a place where she could control them.

"Is there someone I can call for you?" Dana asked through the door. Olivia dried her eyes and glanced at the clock. Knowing Dana wouldn't leave her alone until she faced her, she pulled open the door.

"I'm fine," she told Dana again. "Fin and Tina will be back soon."

"I can stay with you until they get here," Dana offered.

"No really, it's ok. In fact, I could use a little alone time," she said. Dana nodded.

"I understand," she said. "If you need anything, though, call me. And I mean that."

"I know you do, and I appreciate that," she said as she walked Dana to the front door.

"I'll be in touch," Dana said, as she headed out.

"Thanks," Olivia said. She closed the door behind Dana and stood with her back against it for a moment, still trying to process everything she had just been told. She tried to calm herself with a little light cleaning, and it was helping to keep her mind focused on something easy. The constant back and forth movement of the vacuum cleaner was helping to calm her mind, not to mention that the floors desperately needed it. Before she knew it, most of the apartment was done, and Fin and Tina still hadn't returned. When she checked the time, the display read 11:58.

Olivia's heart started to hammer. They were supposed to be home by now. She was convinced something awful had happened to them. She wanted desperately to pick up the phone and call Fin, but he was already upset because he thought she didn't trust him. And she did…mostly.

11:59

One minute. One lousy, stinking minute. He wasn't coming back; neither of them were. Joseph had somehow found them, murdered Fin in the park, and were doing something awful to Tina. Olivia paced, trying to fight off the anxiety attack she knew was coming. She couldn't survive this. She just couldn't live anymore without Tina.

12:00

Her conversation with Dana crept back into her mind. Taylor and Jordan were murdered, just like John had been. And now Tina was gone too. Everyone she had ever loved was dead. She was poison, plain and simple. To love her was to march to one's death. How many more lives would be on her?

12:01

Ok, now she could call Fin. Technically, he was late now. But, if he was dead somewhere, how could he possibly answer his phone? And how would she find Tina if she didn't even know where to start looking? Duh, of course she knew where to start – the park. But, oh God, everything was just so…

And then she heard a key in a lock, the door sliding open, and Tina and Fin entered the apartment, safe and sound.

"Tina, go to your room and play," she said, her eyes shooting daggers at Fin.

"But I wanna watch Oz," Tina whined as she rubbed her eyes.

"I said, go to your room," Liv said sternly.

"But…" Tina started to whine again.

"_Go!_" Liv said, raising her voice more than she intended to. Tina's eyes went wide, but she remained frozen in her spot.

"Tina, Baby, go on. We can watch Oz in a little bit," Fin said gently. Tina blinked, taking her attention away from Olivia and looked at Fin, who nodded to her. "Go," he said again gently, giving her a gentle nudge in the right direction. Tina scampered away, hiding in her room. As soon as the door closed, Liv turned on Fin.

"Where in the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is?" she seethed.

"Whoa, Liv, calm down. It's only…" he looked at his watch. "11:59. We're right on time." "That clock says 12:01, and I thought…I thought…" All of the horrible things she had imagined happening to Fin and Tina flooded her mind again, just as raw and fresh as ever. "I thought…that you…and Tina…" And then she did something completely unexpected.

She slipped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. The sobs that she had finally managed to suppress came back with a vengeance. Fin still had his keys in his hand, but he held her, stroking her back as she cried. She was prone to mood swings, but she hadn't let go like this in a very long time. At least, not in front of him. She balled his shirt in her fists as years of pain came out.

"It's ok, Liv," he said. "I'm right here." He lightly kissed her hair, just as he would with Tina if she were upset. He had only seen her this upset three other times, each one when she lost a child.

"Taylor and Jordan weren't miscarriages, were they?" he asked her, when her sobs seemed to back away from hysterics. She shook her head against his chest, still unable to voice her grief. Fin threw his keys on the counter behind her, and turned her in his arms so that he could lead her to the sofa. He sat with her, holding her close as her sobbing picked up again.

"Shhh, Liv…it's ok," he said. At the same time, he was biting back his own grief, but Liv needed him too much right now, so that would have to wait.

"You don't understand," she said, looking up at him with tear stained cheeks and red eyes. "I killed them, Fin. I let her…" But Olivia didn't get to finish her sentence because sobbing into Fin's shirt again.

"You didn't do anything, Olivia. This isn't your fault. None of this has ever been your fault," he told her softly.

"I let her give me those shots. I let her murder my children...I...oh, God..." And once again she was clinging to him, sobbing into his chest. Fin felt tears prick at his eyes, too, partly because he wanted to weep for his children that never lived, and partly because his wife was suffering. But he couldn't break down now. She needed him too badly.

"Liv, Honey, you couldn't have known. Neither one of us..." Fin choked back his own tears.

No, he wouldn't break.

"Neither one of us could have known," he finished. He wanted to rewind time back to a point before they had ever set foot in that clinic. All of their problems started there, and yet, he couldn't. All he could do was hold his broken wife, while she allowed him to, and tell her that it wasn't her fault. And yet, somehow, that seemed so terribly meaningless.

"Mommy?" Tina said as she came shuffling into the living room.

"What do you need, Baby?" Fin asked as he continued to hold Olivia. She was trying to pull her head up to take care of whatever her daughter needed, but she just didn't have the strength.

"I wanna watch Oz," Tina said softly. Finally, Olivia pulled herself up and wiped her eyes.

"Ok, Baby, we can watch Oz," she said. She felt so drained, and yet, there was still so much inside her. No matter what she did, she couldn't find a way to release that rage and sadness. It was painfully obvious to Tina that her mom was sad again. So, she did what only a four year old could do.

"Don't cry, Mommy," she said, crawling up into Olivia's lap, as Fin loaded the movie into the DVD player. "It's ok. Daddy will make it better."

"Oh, Sweetie, I'm ok. Daddy already made it better," she said, kissing Tina's head and smiling at Fin.

Fin only wished he believed her as easily as Tina did.

_**I seriously have no idea why these chapters have been getting so long…and this is only half of what I intended to accomplish in this chapter! More coming soon!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

The surprises continued that day. Olivia had allowed Fin to put an arm around her while they watched the movie while Tina sat in her lap. Eventually, Tina had nodded off and Fin carried her into her bedroom for a nap.

"How're you doin', Baby Girl?" he asked, returning from Tina's room. She hadn't said a word about Black since Tina had interrupted them earlier.

"I'm fine," she answered with a forced smile, and he instantly knew she wasn't.

"You're gonna have to talk about it at some point," he told her.

"What's the point, Fin? What Dana told us doesn't change anything," she snapped.

"Whoa, whoa…I didn't mean to start a fight again. I just…look, I just wanna be here for you. That's all. Taylor, Jordan, and John were my children, too," he told her.

"How can you ever forgive me for killing our children?" she asked in a weak voice, the devastation plainly written on her face.

"Oh, Liv," he said, pulling her closer to him. "Liv, I can't forgive you because I never blamed you in the first place. The only person to blame here is Victoria Black. She lied to you, and she gave the drugs to you, plain and simple."

"No, Fin, this is all my fault. If you hadn't married me, we wouldn't be going through this," she said.

"You can't do this to yourself, Liv. I married you because I loved you, and you loved me, nothing else mattered, and as far as I'm concerned, it's still the only thing that matters," he told her gently. She was burying her head into his chest once more, but what she couldn't bring herself to tell him was that she felt like a failure as a mother. She relished being in his arms like this. It made her feel safe and protected again, and between the crying, lack of appetite, and interrupted sleep, she was exhausted.

Dinner later that evening was somber, but friendly, and afterward Olivia wrestled Tina in to the bathroom for a bath. Fin was still thinking about Black and the three children he would never know as he finished up the dishes. He wanted to cry, or scream, or hit something, but he wouldn't do anything that might remotely alarm Olivia or Tina; that was simply unacceptable in his mind.

"I know you don't like having your head touched, but we have to wash your hair," Fin heard Olivia say through the closed bathroom door as he approached it. He chuckled slightly. Tina's hair had filled in to the point where it required maintenance again, but she absolutely hated having her hair washed.

"No!" Tina whined. Fin rapped on the door slowly.

"Liv?" he called through the door.

"Yeah?" she said, clearly distracted. He heard what sounded like a decent sized splash.

"Tina!" Olivia screeched, and Fin immediately knew that Tina had succeeded in drenching at least part of Liv.

"I'm going out for a walk," Fin told her through the door. "I'll be back soon."

"Ok," she yelled back. He left her to deal with Tina, grabbed his keys and wallet, and headed out.

He walked aimlessly along the crowded sidewalk. It was still early, and the night life had barely begun in the big city. A million and one thoughts raced through his mind. His children had been murdered. In cold blood. And he had just stood by and allowed it to happened. Encouraged it even. It was bad enough when he thought they were both miscarriages but this… this was murder. Plain and simple.

He had stood by and let his children be murdered. How could Olivia ever want to even look at him anymore much less want to be with him?

Fin shook his head and shuddered in disgust as he continued walking. He couldn't stand the pained look on Olivia's face all day, and he had to get out of the house. It reminded him all too much of the look she had on her face when they buried their son just a few short months ago.

As he passed a quiet little darkened bar, the decadent smells from the dwelling almost calling out to him. Fin stopped cold, turned towards the bar, and felt his throat go dry as if he had just downed a bucket of sand. He needed a drink so bad; he needed something, anything, to take the edge off of this miserable day. He licked his lips slowly as the flavors of the liquors wafted out to him, and he groaned as he mouth began to water. He hadn't had a drink in so long, almost a year and a half, there was no way Olivia would be able to begrudge him just one simple beer.

The thought made him turn crimson with blush. He promised, after the night he almost hurt his wife beyond repair, that he would never drink again.

_But things can change,_ he told himself as he found himself walking into the bar slowly, casting aside the guilt that was threatening to overtake him. The small bar held one older man in his late seventies who was passed out at one end of the bar opposite from the door, two younger men in their twenties who were laughing and joking at a table with a huge pile of buffalo wings between them, a small group of young women talking in whispers and giggles, and the bartender who stood behind the long cherry wood bar stand.

The bartender was an older man in his late forties with a bald head, thick dark glasses, and a stocky built. The tattoo on his left arm had what Fin recognized as a combat patch and the numbers "89-90" indicated the year he had fought overseas. He was leaning up against the bar and watching one of the flat screen TVs hanging over the bar that was playing some opinion show on Fox News who was talking, yet again, about how they were sure Democrats conspired to buy a House majority.

"Bunch of liberal socialist commies," the bartender grumbled as Fin approached the bar and sat in one of the rickety stools. "Not a one of those people on the left would know a hard day's work if it bit 'em on the ass, and who has to pay for them to be lazy? Hardworking Americans like me, that's who." The bartender shook his head as he turned towards Fin. "If you can't make it on your own two feet and need the government to bail your ass out so you can use my money to buy drugs and alcohol, you ain't worth two shits in my book, and you deserve what you got. If they had just worked a little bit harder and stopped depending on the middle class and rich to bail them out then maybe they wouldn't be so damn poor." Fin, who at this point couldn't care less about any sort of politics, simply let the man's words fly over his head.

"Can I get…" Fin hesitated as he looked over the long shelves of liquor. Just as he was about to make his decision, the news on the TV caught his eyes.

"_And today,"_ the young blonde began to speak, _"a huge scandal is rocking the Manhattan Family Clinic in New York. The co-owner, Victoria Black, is said to have illegally aborted 137 separate children, all of them being racially motivated in some way. Activists on both side of the abortion debate are up in arms over this scandal..."_ Fin felt his blood boil at the anchor's choice of words. 'Scandal,' like it was something that would be right up there next to two celebrities cheating on one another. Like what had happened would be on the forefront of people's mind for less than a week before they moved onto the next juicy piece of gossip. Fin felt his stomach twist in disgust.

"Can you turn that off please?" asked Fin as he turned away from the televisions. The bartender narrowed his eyes in anger.

"What?" he spat. "You're one of those leftist elitists who hate the one bit of media that the right gets?"

"Take it easy, man. I'm a Republican, too," Fin explained, "but will you please just turn this crap off?"

"No!" the bartender shouted, "because despite what our dictator-in-chief said, I _did_ build this bar, and I have the right to decide what gets turned on and what we watch! If you don't like it, just go to a damn gay bar!" A picture of a smirking Victoria graced the screen, and Fin once again felt that overwhelming anger that was present every time he even thought of her much less saw her. Fin stood up from his seat, his eyes flashing in anger.

"I said," he snarled, "turn it off!"

"Screw off!" the bartender shouted as he shoved Fin backwards. Fin slammed into one of the abandoned tables and nearly knocked over a chair, eliciting a scream from one of the younger females sitting at the next table. Fin came back and sprinted towards the bartender and all but throwing himself over the bar, tackled the bartender to the ground.

Fin brought his fist up to hit him but the bartender blocked the blow and slammed his elbow into Fin's eye. Fin ignored the searing pain and came right back with a right hook, nailing the bartender in the jaw.

Suddenly, it wasn't an older balding man he was hitting; it was Victoria Black. His fists were slamming against her pale white flesh. It was her shots she was blocking, and all of his anger that had been building up these last few months were coming unhinged. Fin felt someone in the back of his mind grab him by the shoulders and hoist him away from his struggling victim.

"Get off me!" roared Fin as he fought against the two men who was holding him back.

"Calm down, man, just calm down," one of them urged as he struggled against Fin's strength. Slowly, the world around him came back to its normal state and the image of a smirking Black faded to be replaced by a gasping bleeding bartender who was getting help from another younger man in standing up.

"I'll have you arrested!" the man gasped loudly as he wiped the blood from his nose. "What's your name, you spineless sack of shit?" Fin swallowed hard as his rage cooled and the seriousness of the situation fell on him full force. He couldn't leave Olivia alone. Not now, not tonight. He wouldn't put her through him being arrested.

Fin opened his mouth several times to speak, to find some way out of the mess he had created when one of the men holding him gasped and pointed towards the TV.

All who had been involved, including the bystanders, turned towards the TV and Fin felt the familiar rage settling in when he saw department headshots of Olivia and himself on the screen.

"_Victoria Black is also under investigation for her involvement in the kidnapping and brutal assault on two of NYPD's finest, Manhattan Special Victims Unit Detective Odafin Tutuola and his wife, Detective Olivia Benson just four short months ago." _The bartender narrowed his eyes as he looked from the TV to Fin, as if his mind was struggling to make the pieces fit. _"The FBI says that the Detectives, along with their three-year-old daughter, were held for three days where the pregnant Olivia was raped and tortured while her husband was forced to watch from across the room in chains,"_ the reporter continued as it flashed back to the video of Black being led out in cuffs. _"Black is said to have illegally aborted not just one, but three of the Tutuola's children, one of them while they were being held captive. Reports also say..." _But before the reporter could finish her sentence, the station changed form the news to ESPN where they were recapping the winning play from the latest Yankees-Red Sox game.

Fin looked from the television to the bartender who held the remote in his hand set it down behind the bar and turned towards Fin, a sadness shining in his eyes. Wordlessly, the bartender uncapped a bottle of beer and slid it across the bar to Fin.

"On the house," the bartender told him with a curt nod. Fin looked down at the bottle before he turned back towards the bartender who gave him a pained smile. "Us Republicans gotta stick together, especially when the enemy just won the House."

Fin chuckled and nodded as he lightly fingered the cool bottle.

"Thanks, Man, but I don't drink. It's a long story," Fin explained as he saw the confused features on the bartender. "Sober for almost a year and a half now. I'll pay for whatever damage I caused though." The bartender shrugged.

"I got insurance. But are you okay? I mean no one's ever taken a swing at me sober…"

This time it was Fin's turn to shrug.

"I'm cool. I just… I needed to take a walk. I am sorry for causing all this trouble though."

"Don't worry about it. Um, can I call you a cab or something?"

"Nah, man, I'm good. Thanks though." With a smile from each of them, Fin turned and headed out into the cool summer night. When he arrived home, he found a quiet apartment and a pajama-clad Olivia curled up on the sofa with a book.

"Hey, Baby Girl," he said, closing the door. "Tina asleep?"

"Mhm," she nodded, keeping her eyes on her book.

"Good…that's good," he said, not really sure what else to say to her. He wasn't sure if her relaxed mood earlier had continued, or if she was back to her skiddish shelf. He walked over to the master bedroom and opened the door, expecting to see Tina asleep inside. Instead, he saw a crisply made bed that hadn't been disturbed.

"She's in her room," Olivia said, finally putting the book down. "I read to her and sang to her…my God, Fin! What happened?" Fin had turned towards her while she was talking, and she saw his swollen eye. Instantly her hands were on his face, inspecting the damage.

"It's nothing, Baby," he said, but she was already steering him into one of the dining room chairs.

"Nothing, huh? So, what, a building jumped in front of your face? How do you get a black eye going for a walk?" she asked as she returned from the kitchen with a towel and a bag of frozen peas. She wrapped the bag in the towel and tipped his head back with her free hand.

"Liv, it's nothing, ok?" he said again, pushing her hands away. She dropped her hands into her lap and gave him the same look she used when Tina was misbehaving.

"Will you let me take care of you?" she asked. Fin sighed, but let her continue. As she treated his black eye, she asked him what happened again.

"Honestly?" he asked.

"Yeah, honestly. I'm your wife, and if you can't be honest with me, we have a bigger problem that we think we do," she said.

"Ok, I went to a bar," he said. Olivia's demeanor changed. He felt her stiffen, and her lips narrowed. "I didn't drink," he said quickly. "I wanted to, but I didn't. I promised you I would never do that again. Anyway, the TV was on, and that damn news story aired, and I just…got into a bit of a scuffle."

"So, you got a black eye while _sober_?" Olivia asked.

"Stone-cold sober. Liv, I couldn't do that to us. I don't want to throw away everything I have with the most incredible woman in the world over a lousy beer," he said. Olivia's heart melted. She still loved him, and she knew he loved her. She just wished she could erase the memories from her mind that caused her to jolt away in fear.

Fin and Olivia settled on the couch after Olivia was satisfied that Fin's eye wouldn't get any worse, as they had done many times before. Fin desperately wanted to believe some semblance of normalcy had descended on his family, but he was still skeptical. And yet, Tina was sleeping soundly in her own bed, where she belonged. He assumed that meant he would be sleeping on the couch.

"So, how was it with Dana today?" She hadn't had a chance to talk to him because she had been so upset earlier.

"Do you remember those pre-natal injections Dr. Black recommended when I was pregnant with Taylor that would supposedly help with morning sickness?" she said. Fin nodded slowly. He had been strongly in favor of anything that would ease Olivia's morning sickness.

"Those were the ones…" he asked putting the pieces together. Olivia nodded.

"Yeah," she said, staring into her lap. "Dana thinks that they were some sort of cancer drug that causes miscarriages in pregnant women." Fin put an arm around her shoulders, and she didn't recoil.

"No wonder you were blaming yourself. Liv, honey, I know you. You would have suffered through anything before you put any of our children in danger," he told her.

"Yeah, well…" Olivia began, but already another wave of tears was overwhelming her.

"Come here," he said, pulling her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest and cried into his shirt. She knew that he had been honest with her earlier because she could smell the stale smoke and faint beer scent on his shirt.

"Fin?" she asked as her tears began to slow.

"Yeah, Baby,"

"I'm so tired…" she said. It was both a literal statement and a figurative one. She was physically exhausted, but she was also tired of how difficult her life had become. She was tired of waking up every morning to something more horrific than the last. She was tired of not being able to function the way she used to, and she was tired of constantly battling with her husband.

"I bet you are. Think maybe you can sleep?" he asked. She nodded sleepily into his chest, just as Tina had done that morning, but made no effort to move. Instead, she draped an arm across his chest and pulled him closer to her.

"Liv?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Hm?" she asked.

"…don't you think your bed might be more comfortable than the couch?" he asked, trying to prod her toward her bedroom. Again, she nodded against his chest but made no effort to move. "Ok, now I know where Tina gets it from," he said as he maneuvered himself around her and scooped her into his arms. He felt her anchor her hands behind his neck so she didn't slip as he carried her towards the bedroom. He gently laid her on her side of the bed, pulled the covers around her, and kissed her forehead. He turned to retrieve blankets and a pillow to take with him back to the couch, but her hand shot out and grabbed his shirt firmly in her fist.

"Stay with me?" she asked with her eyes barely open.

"I want to, but I don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for," he said.

"I don't want to sleep alone," she answered.

Fin shook his head, and despite his better judgment, he heard himself say, "ok…let me just put on pajamas first." He closed a hand over the fist clinging to his shirt like a vice. "I'll be right back. I promise," he told her, gently prying her fingers from him.

He changed faster than he ever had before. He hated not sleeping with her, and even though he knew that her mental state was still precarious at best, he wasn't going to miss a chance to hold his wife while she slept. He slipped between the cool sheets, next to Olivia, who he thought was already sound asleep, but she rolled onto her side and clung to him once he settled, resting her head on his chest.

"Keep me safe," she whispered.

"Always," he said, barely audible. He felt the tension slide from her body as she stilled. Sleep had quickly claimed her as he ran his fingers through her long chestnut hair, fanning it behind her head. He lay awake for a long time, with her in his arms, and Tina asleep in the next room. In another time, this would have seemed perfectly normal, but right now, to him, it was simply too good to be true.

"_Mommy!" It sounded like Tina._

"_Where are you, Baby?" Olivia yelled, and yet, her voice seemed to hover over and around her, instead of traveling to its intended destination._

"_Mommy!" she heard again, followed by an ear-piercing shriek. She started running. Finally, it registered that she was running down a cement corridor, with nothing but cold, bleak walls surrounding her._

"_Mommy!" A different voice. And yet, she knew that it was calling for her._

"_I'm coming, Baby!" she yelled. Her legs seemed like Jell-O, and no matter how hard she tried to move, it seemed to require far more effort than it should._

"_Help me, Mommy, help me!" Tina wailed again. She turned left, then right, then left again, desperately seeking for the children she knew were in sheer agony._

_A red door appeared in front of her. She twisted at the knob, but it wouldn't budge._

"_Mommy, help!" Tina screeched again from the other side of the door._

"_I'm trying to get in!" Olivia yelled. Suddenly, the knob twisted in her hand and she threw open the door. She was in the basement again. Tina was standing in front of her, in a long pink nightdress, staring at the bodies of three infants on the floor._

"_Tina, what's wrong?" Olivia asked. Tina turned and looked at Olivia blankly._

"_They're dead, Mommy," she said in an eerily calm voice. Fear surged through Olivia, and she started to back away from the sight, back towards the door she came through. Her back hit something hard, and she turned, realizing she had run into Fin. He grabbed her wrists and steered her towards the bed, pushing her backwards._

"_You killed them. You killed your own children," he told her in a flat, cold tone. She struggled to free her wrists, but he was too strong for her._

"_You're a failure as a mother. Let's see how you do as a wife," he said, and with that, he threw her onto the bed. She tried to get up, but he was straddling her, pushing her down, chaining her wrists…_

Olivia woke with a start. Her heart was pounding in her throat. Strong, masculine arms were around her. Her fingers flew to them, clawing at them, doing whatever she could to break free. The arms pulled her closer, and she felt…an erection pressing firmly into her ass. The body groaned slightly as she continued to claw. Finally, the arms around her slackened, and she leapt from the bed, turning to see who was trying to restrain her.

She took several quick breaths as her senses started to register her surroundings. A familiar window was open, with curtains billowing slightly in the soft summer breeze. She recognized the furniture as her furniture, and the bed as her bed. And the sleeping form in it was none other than her husband.

Well, at least she hadn't woken him.

"Mommy!" she heard, followed by the pattering of tiny footsteps. Apparently, Olivia wasn't the only one having a rough night. She raced to Tina's room, intercepting her along the way.

"Ok, Lovey," she said, scooping Tina into her arms without breaking her stride. "Mommy's right here."

"I dreamed that the Wicked Witch took you away," she whined.

"You did? Well, that must have been pretty scary," Olivia said, putting Tina back into her bed.

"It was! I thought I was never gonna see you again," she said.

"I'm right here, Baby. You don't have to worry about that anymore," Olivia said, climbing into the tiny bed next to Tina, who squirmed unhappily in her arms. Like all cranky toddlers, Tina started to cry.

"Shh, shh, it's ok, Mommy's right here, it's ok," Olivia soothed.

"Where's Blankie?" Tina whined. Olivia felt around on the bed until her hands landed on the coveted object.

"It's right here," Olivia said, handing it to Tina. Tina took it and calmed in Olivia's arms. Her thumb popped into her mouth, and within minutes, she was sound asleep again. Olivia lay awake for a long time, still haunted by her own nightmare. Deep in her heart, though, she knew what she had to do.

The next morning, Fin woke to an empty bed. His first reaction was panic, but that quickly subsided when he found Olivia curled up with Tina, both sound asleep. Not wanting to disturb them, he dressed and left for work. Olivia still hadn't mentioned wanting to return to the precinct, which was starting to concern him. He had been back for almost two months, but she was content to remain on the DL list for the time being. Her entire world seemed to be consumed with hovering over Tina. She had lost all interest in her work, which he never suspected was possible.

Olivia had been grateful that she hadn't had to face Fin when she woke up. She had planned to blame her sleeping arrangements entirely on Tina's nightmare, but it hadn't been an issue. Both she and Tina had appointments with their respective therapists, and she had discussed her revelation in great detail. In the end, they both agreed that something would have to change drastically in order for her to move on.

"How was your day?" Fin asked as they sat down to dinner.

"Good," Olivia said. Fin waited for her to continue, and when it became obvious that she was more interested in her peas than conversation, he tried again.

"The guys at the precinct were wondering when you were planning to come back," he said, hoping to pry some information out of her.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she said, turning her attention towards Tina. "Tina, eat your vegetables."

"I don't like peas," Tina protested.

"You still have to try them," Olivia told her.

"I know you don't want to go back just yet, but have you given it any thought at all?" Fin asked.

"No, now will you just drop it?" she snapped. Meanwhile, Tina was smearing mashed potatoes around her plate with her spoon. "Tina, eat your dinner nicely," she warned. Tina threw her spoon on her plate and crossed her arms over her chest.

"No," she said defiantly. Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Do you need to go to bed?" she asked.

"Uh uh," Tina said, shaking her head defiantly.

"I think you might. You're awfully cranky tonight," Olivia told her.

"Liv…" Fin began.

"I _said,_ drop. It," Olivia said, glaring at him.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted me to take her to her room," he said softly. Olivia set her fork down and sighed, burying her face in her hands.

"No, I'll do it," she said, tossing her napkin next to her plate. She walked over to Tina and picked her up. "Come on, Little Miss, it's time for bed."

"No! I don't wanna go to bed! I'm not sleepy!" Tina whined, but already she was rubbing her eyes. Fin got up to clear the table, and that's when he noticed that Olivia had carried Tina into the master bedroom instead of her own room. He wrapped the rest of Olivia's dinner in case she decided to finish it and methodically cleaned the kitchen, like he did every night.

"Fin, we need to talk," Olivia began, pulling the master bedroom door behind her. Tina had finally fallen asleep after nearly half an hour of having stories read, being sang to, and Olivia assuring her that she would be right beside her the whole night.

"Conversations that start with those words never end well," Fin said, drying his hands with a towel and threading it back through the oven handle. He tried to muster a smile in a vain attempt to lighten the mood, but Olivia stood in the center of the room with her arms pulled tight across her chest. She didn't look angry, or sad for that matter. In fact, her face couldn't be any more expressionless. She lowered herself onto the couch. Sensing that this wasn't going to be an amicable chat, Fin gave her his undivided attention, sitting on the same couch, but keeping his customary distance from her. Olivia took a deep breath as she formed the words that had been longing to come out for some time now.

"This isn't working," she said.

"What's not working? The therapy? It takes time, Liv, but Tina will eventually fall asleep easier, and so will you," he said quickly. He had draped an arm around the back of the sofa, still too far away to actually touch her, but longing to hold her while she confessed whatever was on her mind. Her eyes darted about as she continued to clutch her body, looking everywhere but at him.

"No, I mean us. Us, this…it isn't working," she said as her gaze finally rested on him. The corners of his mouth slowly fell as the weight of her words finally hit home. Her eyes were wet with the beginnings of tears, but he felt like he had just had the wind knocked out of him.

"Liv…I…" he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He just knew that whatever it was had to convey his absolute, undying, and unconditional love for her. Even if it meant sleeping in his daughter's pink room instead of with his wife, even if it meant he had to be careful about how and when he touched her, even if it meant…he didn't care what sacrifices he had to make, just as long as he was with her.

"I want a divorce," she blurted out, and her jaw set in the familiar expression he had seen many, many times. It was the one that said that her mind was made up, and nothing would change it.

_**Uh-oh…now what? Things were going so well…sort of. Don't fret just yet, there's more to come in this story!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	48. Chapter 48

_**I know you all are DYING to know what happens next, so I buckled down and put together a little Thanksgiving treat for you. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 48**

Time stood still for Fin. He stared at Olivia, still trying to process the last four words she had said to him. Divorce? Them? She couldn't possibly be serious.

"Why?" he asked. His own voice sounded foreign to him. It cracked under the weight of emotion that was welling up inside him.

"Because…" Olivia began. She paused for a moment, as if her thoughts hadn't yet gelled into coherent sentences. "Because I can't be the wife you deserve." Fin swallowed hard.

"Olivia, do you still love me?" he asked quietly.

"That's not the point, Fin. It doesn't matter if I love you or not. I can't make you happy anymore," she dodged.

"Just answer the question. Do you still love me?" he asked point blank. Olivia bit her bottom lip.

"Yes," she said softly. Then her voice strengthened again. "That's why I'm doing this. I love you too much to keep you trapped in a marriage that isn't…complete. I love you enough to let you go."

"Olivia, listen to me," Fin said, sliding off the couch. He knelt in front of her, taking one of her hands which had fallen to her lap into both of his. "I don't _want_ anyone else but you. We still love each other, and that's all that matters to me. I know we've had our problems, but we can work this out. I don't care how long it takes, I'm not ready to give up on us." Olivia gently pushed him away and stood up.

"I can't _do_ this anymore, Fin!" she said, raising her voice. She made her way over to the window where she planted herself, gazing at the city lights flickering around her. Before he could respond, she turned around to face him again. "Do you understand what it's like to be in my shoes? I'm ready to jump out of my skin every time my own husband touches me. If you sleep in the same bed with me, I lay awake all night because the minute I start to drift off, my body thinks I'm about to be raped again. I'm not the same woman you married. That Olivia died in that basement." She paused as Fin frantically tried to process all of this new information.

"You deserve a chance at happiness again. You're a great guy, Fin, and an amazing father. You shouldn't be tied to a wife who can't be there for you in every way she should be." Olivia finished. Fin wracked his brain for something. He didn't know what he could say to stop this from happening, but he had to stop it.

"Six months," he blurted out. Confusion swept across Olivia's face.

"What?" she asked.

"Give me six months. I'll go stay with Momma, and you and Tina can stay here, but don't do anything for six months. If you still feel this way then, I'll sign whatever you want. You can have the house, Tina, everything," he said as he approached her. Her jaw hung open as if she was about to respond. "Please, Liv. This is all I'm asking for."

"Fin, six months isn't going to change anything, ok? It's already been four months, and I still can't…" Olivia said. "I'm still not anywhere close to being the woman I used to be."

"Then there's no harm waiting six months, is there?" he countered. "What we had before all of this, and what I believe we can still have, was really special. There isn't another woman out there I want to be with. Whatever you think I _deserve_, doesn't matter. I want _you,_ and only you. So, let's take six months before we make any final decisions. A lot can happen in six months."

"And if I'm not willing to wait six months?" she countered.

"Then get ready for a messy divorce, because I'll fight you every step of the way," he said firmly, but gently. "I'm not ready to let go, and I don't want to let you go without a fight. Think about it, Liv. In the grand scheme of things, what difference is six months going to make?" Olivia pondered his proposal. He was right, as usual. Six months wouldn't really matter one way or the other, and if it meant a clean, easy divorce, then perhaps it was for the best. If he fought her, it could take far longer than that to finalize everything anyway, and there was a good chance he would win sole custody of Tina. She could lose everything else, but she couldn't bear the thought of losing her daughter, even to her loving father.

"Six months," she repeated. He kissed her gently on the cheek.

"I'll leave in the morning," he said. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back his own tears for long, so he retreated into what used to be Tina's room, closing out the rest of the world behind him. He gazed around his daughter's bedroom, trying to memorize every detail. It was almost as if by impressing the room permanently in his mind, he could somehow keep his family together. Tina herself was a living testimony of the love he and Liv had once thought could survive anything. He still believed it was.

_**Four years ago…**_

_Olivia and Fin sat at the table for four with Ken and his boyfriend, Noah. Things between Ken and Noah had taken a serious turn, and there was suspicion of a marriage proposal on the horizon. So, when Ken had called and suggested a double date for Valentine's Day, Olivia had jumped on the opportunity for Fin and Ken to share an amicable evening together._

"_We have some news," Ken said as dessert ended, placing a hand over Noah's. Olivia smirked and caught Fin's eye. She knew that look, but Fin was slower to catch on. _

"_We're engaged!" Ken announced._

"_Ken, that's wonderful!" Olivia exclaimed. "Congratulations to both of you. Isn't that wonderful, Fin?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Fin loved his son, but he still wrestled with Ken's homosexuality. He wanted to be supportive, but there was something in him that just didn't want to see his son with another guy. Olivia kicked him lightly under the table._

"_Oh, yeah…congratulations!" he said, trying his best to fake a smile. Olivia could see that he was genuinely making an effort, but she noticed Ken's face fall slightly._

"_Don't mind him," Olivia said quickly. "He hates surprises. Listen, if you two want any help planning the wedding, let me know. I still have a bunch of my notes from when we got married."_

"_We just may take you up on that," Noah said. "We've started looking at a few things, but there are so many details! The flowers have to be right, and the caterers have to be good, and all within our budget."_

"_We can talk about all of that, and don't worry about hurting my feelings. If you hate my suggestions, I won't be offended in the slightest. It's your day; I don't want to be in the way," she said. Ken's smile had returned._

"_Thanks, Liv," he said. This was one of the things he loved about having Olivia in his father's life. Her presence kept things calm between him and Fin._

"_Any news on the baby?" he asked. Olivia instinctively rubbed her six and a half month pregnant belly. She turned to Fin with a huge smile on her face._

"_Do you want to tell him, or should I?" she asked. Fin turned back towards Ken and Noah._

"_In a little over two months, you're going to have a little sister," he said._

"_It's a girl?" Ken exclaimed. Olivia nodded._

"_Have you guys come up with any names?" Noah asked._

"_Not really. One of us thought he was going to have another son," she said with a smirk._

"_Yeah, well, it's a good thing that one of us also just wants to have a healthy baby," Fin answered._

"_Oh, come on, Dad, I give you all of ten minutes before that little girl has you wrapped around her little finger," Ken chided. Fin smiled. "Listen, that brings up something else. Noah and I were talking, and once the baby comes along, you two are going to have your hands full. Noah's parents have a cabin up in the Poconos. So, as a Valentine's gift from us to you, we've made arrangements for you to have one last romantic getaway before she gets here." Neither Olivia nor Fin knew how to respond._

"_Ken, that's nice, but…" Fin began._

"_Don't mention work. I already let Captain Cragen in on the plan, and he's agreed to give you both a long weekend," Ken insisted. Fin scowled slightly. He desperately wanted to spend some time with Olivia, but at the same time, he didn't like the surprise. _

"_Thank you, Ken. That's very generous, and we appreciate it," Olivia said, covering Fin's hand with her own._

_Two weeks later, Fin had indeed whisked Olivia off for her romantic getaway, at her insistence. Once she had pointed out that it would hurt Ken's feelings, Fin had given in. They spent the entire weekend enjoying each other's company without the inconvenience of a phone, computer, or television. Looking back on it now, he was glad that they were able to get away that weekend because their anniversary a few weeks later turned into a disaster. What he remembered about that trip was the intense love spilling between them, and the excitement at preparing to be parents. Of course, what neither of them had realized was that getting Olivia and him away was what Ken needed to pull off his real gift. As they pulled up to their apartment building, relaxed from their weekend off, Ken and Noah greeted them._

"_We have another surprise for the baby," Ken said, helping Olivia up the stairs while Fin dragged suitcases out of the trunk._

"_What surprise?" she asked. Ken led her into their apartment, where a large pink bow was hanging on the door of the spare room they planned to turn into the nursery._

"_My little sister deserves the best, so we did a little work," he explained. Olivia opened the door and gasped as Fin followed behind her. The room had been painted a soft shade of pink, and somehow, all of the furniture she distinctly remembered reserving was arranged in the room. The white slat crib with matching changing table, the white dresser with tiny pink drawer pulls, and the white upholstered rocker she loved in the showroom were all here. But what she loved the most was the exquisite mural of the Disney castle so perfectly done, the doors to the closet were incorporated as the doors to the castle. It wasn't the Wizard of Oz themed room she and Fin had planned, but it was absolutely beautiful._

"_Who did this?" she asked, running her hands over the mural._

"_Noah," Ken answered. "I did the other three walls…you know, the ones with only one color." Olivia chuckled._

"_Guys, we were actually planning…" Fin started. Olivia placed a hand on his chest to silence him._

"_It's perfect," she said, cutting Fin off. She wasn't going to tell them what the original plan was because they were so proud of their work. And the fact that it was a gift from brother to sister made it that much more special._

"_How on earth did you get all of the furniture up here?" Olivia asked._

"_Well, we knew that you had stuff on reserve, and when we called the store they said that you just needed to set up a delivery time because the balance was already paid. So, we arranged for delivery, and we put everything together ourselves." _

"_Hold on, we still owed some money on that stuff, which is why it wasn't already here," Olivia said, furrowing her eyebrows._

"_Yeah, well, that was before the guys at the precinct chipped in to pay the rest," Ken said. Olivia still eyed him skeptically. "They're detectives, Olivia. Elliot saw the catalogue in your desk with everything circled. All it took was a few phone calls, a badge flash or two, and we all knew what you two wanted. So, Elliot, Munch, and the captain all made sure it happened." Olivia had grown misty as he spoke, and tears were starting to slip down her cheeks._

"_You don't like it?" Noah asked._

"_No, Noah, it's beautiful," she said, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry. Everything makes me cry right now. You know, last week I cried at a car commercial? Thank you, both of you. Now, come here and give me a hug."_

The crib was now a twin sized bed, as they had bought one that Tina could grow with, the changing table was in storage, and a white nightstand had taken its place, but everything else, including the rocker, was the same. Everyone in the family had tried to surround Tina with love, and when she was born, he was convinced that nothing would ever break up their family.

He wanted to kill Joseph Colin and Victoria Black. They were still continuing to plague his family even after they were arrested. He slumped again the door of Tina's room and allowed the anger and the hurt and the grief to wash over him. As much as he hated to cry, he was grateful that he wasn't around Olivia or Tina at the moment. He didn't want either of them to see him so weak.

Olivia heard Fin's sobs through the thin walls, as much as he tried to muffle them. She debated whether or not to go to him, but she had already done enough damage for one evening. It may hurt now, but eventually, he would move on, find someone else who could be a whole woman for him, and she would fade into the background, just like Theresa had. Silent tears slid down her cheeks. She hated tearing her family apart, but she just couldn't go on this way anymore. She needed space, and she had functioned alone long before he came along. She could do it again. She quickly changed into her pajamas and slipped into bed next to Tina.

"Momma…" Tina moaned in her sleep.

"Shhh…I'm right here. Go back to sleep, Baby," Olivia soothed. Tina molded her tiny body to Olivia's chest and fell into a sound sleep.

Tina. She was going to have to tell Tina something. Even at the tender age of four, she would most definitely notice if her father wasn't living in the same house. Olivia sighed. She wasn't sure what Fin hoped to accomplish by delaying the inevitable, but if it made him feel better, she could stay in limbo for a few more months. Maybe by then he would understand that she really was trying to be as kind to him as she could possibly be.

The next morning, Fin dressed for work and packed a suitcase of essentials. Anything else he might need or want he could come back for later, but he had promised Olivia he would leave in the morning, and that's what he would do. He opened his wallet to see if he had enough cash for a cab to his mother's apartment so he wouldn't have to drag the suitcase, and his eyes fell on three white and blue slips of paper. He had planned to surprise her with the Yankees tickets, to try to rekindle their romance. It was supposed to be a recreation of sorts of their first official date.

_**Six years ago…**_

"_Here you go, Baby," Fin said, handing Olivia the cardboard box containing one signature ball park hot dog and a diet soda. Her eyes lit up._

"_Ah, thank you! I was starting to wonder if you got lost in the madness," she said, with a slight laugh. "Youkalis is up, count's 2 and 2. You made it back in time to see what Ortiz is going to do. I don't know what's up with Pettitte tonight, though. He might as well be throwing watermelons." As she spoke, she squeezed the contents of a ketchup packet, followed by a mustard packet onto her hot dog. Fin stared at her incredulously._

"_You…speak baseball?" he asked. He had been convinced that he was going to have to explain every aspect of the game to her. Instead she sort of shrugged._

"_Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a necessary language if you want to work for the NYPD, right?" she told him, with a wink. Then she lifted the hot dog and brought the end between her plump, luscious lips, wrapping them around the bun and biting it clean through. Her left thumb lingered near her mouth as she licked a stray drop of ketchup from the tip of it._

"_Mmmm!" she exclaimed, closing her eyes briefly. "I haven't had one of these since…well, since Elliot scored a pair of free tickets about 10 years ago." He heard what she said, but he was focused on what her hands were doing with the food between them, and he couldn't help picturing her hands on another similarly shaped object. He shifted slightly in his seat to try to suppress the slight tightening feeling in his groin. He watched the rise and fall of her chest, prominently highlighted by the Yankees team name scrawled across her fitted tee in what he now perceived as an obscene location. _

What the fuck?_ he thought. _Stop it…just stop it. It's just a stupid baseball game!

"_What the hell? Did you see that?" she exclaimed, pointing down to the field. He shifted his gaze towards where she was pointing, determined to focus on the game and not her body. "That was obviously a strike! Boo!" she yelled, joining in with the rest of the crowd. When the crowd died down, she picked up her hot dog again and wrapped her lips around it once more. She wiggled her jaw slightly as she tried the manage the thickness of it without making a mess. And then she did it again. She put her thumb between her lips and sucked it lightly to clean of a stray bit of mustard, releasing it with a gentle pop. Next, she picked up the paper cup filled with soda, brought the straw to her mouth, and sucked hard. Fin's eyes focused on her throat, as it contracted to bring the icy liquid from her mouth to her stomach. He wanted to put his fingers there, to feel her swallow. _I wonder if she ever…damn it, Fin! Focus on the damn game!

"_So, uh…what do you think of the line up this year?" he asked._

Crack!_ Suddenly, the crowd was booing again. Fin looked up in time to realize that David Ortiz had just hit another home run._

"_You see? I told you Pettitte was throwing watermelons tonight," she said, gesturing to the field again and shaking her head. Fin shifted in his seat again. It was the third inning. He still had six more to go before they could leave, and then he still had to get her home. It was going to be a long time before he could do anything about the erection that was forming already. And that was assuming there weren't any extra innings._

_He tried thinking of his mother, rape victims, hell…he even tried thinking about Munch to make it go away. And yet, every time she took a bite out of that damn hot dog, he wanted to reach over and shove her head in his lap._

_But, he wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that. She was finally starting to relax, and even though she had been in therapy for a while, he knew he was there as a friend. So she had let him take her out a few times. The farthest he had ever managed to get with her was a kiss on her doorstep. Although, if he was really, really lucky, maybe she would let him make out with her a little bit tonight. _

_Liv shot Fin a sideways glance. He had grown unusually quiet since she had started eating. He was still staring at her, as he had been for the past half inning. When she had finished eating, she reached a hand out and interlaced her fingers with his over the arm of the stadium seats._

_XxXxX_

"_I had a really nice time tonight," Fin said as they stood on her front stoop. Her fingers were still intertwined with his, and she was flashing him her million dollar smile. She had gotten cold as the evening temperatures dipped, so his coveted official Yankee jacket was now draped over her shoulders. He loved seeing her genuinely happy. "Sorry the Yankees couldn't get their act together to win a game."_

"_I don't care whether they won or lost. I'm just glad I got to spend the evening with you," she said, her smile growing bigger. She leaned in towards him, hoping he'd get the message and kiss her. Instead, he turned his head sideways._

"_Ah, I should probably get going," he said. He loved being with her, but at the same time, the feeling in his groin was bordering on excruciating, and the last thing in the world he wanted was for her to notice._

"_It's still pretty early. Do you want to come up for a cup of coffee?" she offered. "And maybe a quick bite to eat," she added. Her fingers had left his and were now stroking the outside of his thigh._

"_Listen, Liv…" he began, not really sure how he was going to tell her that he needed to get home so he didn't do something he'd seriously regret._

_"I get it, Fin. You're not interested in me as anything more than a friend. It's ok," she said smiling sadly, dropping her hands. No, he wasn't going to let her leave thinking that. In fact, the whole reason he wanted out of there was because she was so damn sexy. All of a sudden, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards him._

"_You think I'm not interested? This, Baby Girl. This is what you do to me," he said, acutely aware that his erection was pressing hard against her stomach. Olivia's jaw dropped in shock, but then she leaned towards him and nibbled on his ear._

"_I really think you should come upstairs," she whispered hotly into his ear. Once again, he was forced to exercise some sense of self control, balling his hand into a tight fist to keep from exploding right there on her stoop._

"_Baby Girl, if I do that, I don't know if I…" he started._

"_Shhhh…" she said, putting a finger to his lips. "I wouldn't have offered if I didn't have any intention of following through." She placed her lips back on his. He savored the moment briefly before pulling away and taking her hand._

"_Let's go," he said, pulling her towards the building. Her sly smile broke out into a grin as he practically dragged her up the four flights of stairs to her apartment. As she extracted the key from her pocket, he leaned in to kiss her neck, finding that amazing little spot that reduced her legs to jelly. Damn, he was good._

"_Oh," she whimpered as he continued his assault on her neck. She felt him shift his hips, grinding into her from behind. Her fingers fumbled with the lock, and the key somehow slipped through fingers and landed on the floor. Fin growled, bent down quickly to retrieve the fallen object, shoved it into the lock and twisted the door open. Olivia practically fell forward as the door swung out of her way. Her key somehow landed on the kitchen counter, but in an instant, the door was closed and her back was pinned against it. _

_Fin's hands were everywhere, lighting her skin on fire with every move they made. His lips had returned to hers, and his kisses had slowed in speed, but picked up in intensity. He peeled his jacket from her shoulders and tossed it haphazardly onto the floor, allowing his hands to move gracefully, almost reverently over her torso. _

"_I want you," he whispered to her. He slipped a hand under her baby tee and grazed the skin underneath, noting every single contour._

"_Then take me," she whispered back huskily. As far as Fin was concerned, that was permission enough. Of course, Olivia had been trying to get that message across to him for a while now. Clothes flew everywhere as they each pawed at the other. Olivia lifted her leg over his hip and felt him bumping at her entrance. He was big…bigger than anyone she had ever been with. _

"_Are you sure?" he asked once more, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She couldn't speak. She just knew she needed him inside her. So, she nodded. As soon as she did, she felt him plunge into her. She gasped at the sudden intrusion._

"_Are you ok?" he asked, noting the shock on her face. He wanted to stop, give her a chance to get used to him, but she felt so damn good that all he could do was slow to a series of small, gentle thrusts._

"_I'm fine," she panted. "Don't…stop…ohhhhhh." Her voice faltered again as he found the spot inside her that made her melt. She felt his hands slip down her sides, under her ass, and lift her. Instinctively her legs wrapped around him to give him better leverage. From her position, pinned against the door, wrapped around his body, there wasn't much she could do except sit back and enjoy the delicious sensations that were running through her. _

"_Damn, you're tight, Baby," he hissed in her ear. "You feel so good…you like having Daddy's big cock in you?" Olivia wasn't one for dirty talk during sex, nor did she ever find the 'Daddy' thing erotic, but the timbre of his voice directly next to her ear was causing a flood of moisture where the two of them were joined. _

"_Yes!" she gasped. "Oh God, yes!" she managed to get out as he continued pounding into her. Her breathing was reduced to mere panting and coherent speech was almost out of the question._

"_Oh God, Fin, oh! Fuck me just like that…right there…" she managed to get out as he continued pounding into her. Her breathing was reduced to mere panting and coherent speech was almost out of the question. _

"_That's it…just and let Daddy fuck his Baby Girl good," he whispered, letting his lips capture whatever part of her they could reach. He seemed particularly fond of her neck, just behind her ear. From there, he could whisper things to her, and the sensation of his breath caused her to shudder. He also happened to note that this particular spot, when teased, drove her absolutely insane with desire. She was trying to return the favor, but every nerve ending in her body was on fire, and none of them wanted to work together. _

_Oh, she was close…she was so close…if he just kept stroking that one particular spot…_

_And then she felt a rush of fluid, accompanied by a shout and a long groan from him. _

_He didn't. _

_He did._

_First one foot gingerly touched the floor, followed by the other one. He pulled his softening member from her and gently pushed a stray lock of hair from her face._

"_You didn't…?" he said/asked. Olivia smiled politely. _

"_It's ok. Really," she said, patting him gently on the chest. But it wasn't. She was still on fire, and she wanted desperately to finish what he had started. Of course, this would mean another night with her friend in her nightstand that ran on double A batteries, but she was used to it by now. Somehow, she thought he might be different._

"_No, it's not," he said. His voice had deepened, and a seriousness had crossed his face that would have made her cringe had she not been so hopelessly attracted to him. In a quick movement, he crouched down, lifted her over his shoulder and hurried towards her bedroom._

_He peeled back the covers on her bed and laid her down gently, covering her body with his once more. Their eyes locked as he ran a hand through her short hair. His head dipped towards hers, his lips seeking hers again. He prodded her lips with his tongue, and she moaned as she submitted to him with her mouth._

"_Fin…" she moaned. Her fingers curled, leaving light scratches on her back. She needed more._

"_Relax, Baby, I'll get you there," he said, reaching between them. His hand trailed up her leg, over her inner thigh, touching her everywhere but where she needed him. She shifted her hips, trying to get his hand where she needed it most._

"_Fin…I can't…please…" she babbled incoherently._

"_What, Baby?" he asked with a sly smile, knowing exactly what she needed. "This?" he asked as he shifted his hand and rubbed hard against her clit._

"_Ohhh…" she moaned, turning her head to the side in relief. She lifted her knees to give him better access to her core. He kissed her one more briefly on her temple then slid lower, settling between her legs. _

_His tongue lashed out to stroke her quivering lips, and he tasted the unique flavor of the two of them mixed together – the saltiness from him and the sweetness from her. He wanted to take his time with her and explore every curve of her delectable body, but she was too keyed up for that. He had experience release tonight; she hadn't. _

_He worked a finger inside her, marveling again at her tightness, as his lips played across her clit. She wasn't capable of words anymore. Her breathless fragments had turned to panting and heavy breathing punctuated by intense moaning. Her fingers fisted the sheets around her, and her toes curled from the intensity of it. She loosened enough to where Fin could work a second finger inside her, eliciting another long groan from her. Her hands found the back of his head, and she pulled him closer to her, seeking the relief she desperately needed. He twisted his hand palm up and he massaged the spongy tissue inside her. Her back arched as he found her G-spot, and he continued to devour her clit._

_It didn't take much. She was already close before. As he continued to worship her pussy, her body tightened like a bow, arching off the bed, and an earth-shattering scream tore from her lips. _

_A proud smile slid across his face as he pulled away from her. He looked up at her, her juices glistening on his lips in the semi-darkness of the room._

"_Better?" he asked. Her breathing was slowing, but she had a very satisfied look on her face._

"_Much," she said. He climbed up next to her again. She wrapped her arms around him, and he held her close with his right hand to kiss her again. He just couldn't stop kissing her. His left hand skimmed her side as she moved her hand to caress his face, and he settled on the swell of her right breast. His fingertips barely grazed her skin, but it was having an effect on him. His groin was starting to tighten again, having recovered from their earlier romp in the front hallway. He traced the outline of her breast, cupping his hand so his thumb could graze across her nipple. She responded by picking up the intensity of her kisses and stiffening slightly as her body ached to be taken again._

"_What's wrong, Baby," he asked between kisses, not willing to pull his lips away from her any longer than absolutely necessary._

"_Mmm…Fin…more…" she managed to spit out. He kissed his way along her jaw, down her neck. He lingered over her collar bone, placing gentle kisses along its length before working his way down to her breast. His right hand had found her other breast and was giving it the same attention his other hand was. His lips closed around her nipple, and he let out a groan because her hand found his semi-hard length at that exact moment. Having already attained release once tonight, she was more focused than before, closing her hand around it and stroking with an intensity he couldn't ignore…nor did he want to. She could feel him grow and stiffen in her hand as he teased her nipples to taught peaks, sending yet another surge of wetness through her core._

_He left her breasts to return to her delectable lips once again, but Liv had other ideas. Her body slid lower on his, until her eyes met his crotch. She finally saw him fully for the first time. She had guessed he was big from what she felt earlier, but…wow. He was easily 9 inches and thick…so thick she could barely get her hand around him._

"_Liv, what are you doing?" he asked, as he propped himself on one elbow and ran his free hand through her hair. _

"_You'll see," she said coyly. She licked her lips and let her tongue run along the underside of his length._

"_Ohhhh…" he groaned, falling on his back. She adjusted her position so that her head hovered over him. "Liv…you don't have to…fuck!" he exclaimed as her lips closed around the head. His hand twisted in her hair, and he was fighting the urge to ram himself down her throat. The pressure on her head alarmed her, and it threatened to take her back to a place she didn't want to go, and yet, she wanted to do this for him. She let go of him, pausing to catch her breath. Fin noticed she had stopped, and tipped her chin so she could look him in the eye._

"_It's ok, Liv. Stay with me…stay focused on me," he told her softly. He gently maneuvered her onto her back again, and caressed every inch of skin he could reach. "Just calm down, Baby. I'm not going anywhere."_

"_Fin?" she whispered._

"_Yeah, Liv?" he replied._

"_Shut up and fuck me again," she told him. He grinned and lined himself up with her entrance, pushing into her once more. She wasn't as tight as she was the first time, having accustomed to his size. He knew he was going to be able to last much longer this time, and he was bound and determined to put her needs first. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him flush to her as they rocked gently. He nibbled at her neck, marking her as his own, while he followed her lead. Every thrust made direct contact with her G-spot, keeping her in a place that was slowly bringing her higher and higher towards her peak._

"_Don't worry, Baby, Daddy's gonna fuck that nice tight pussy real good," he whispered to her. She shuddered as bolts of electricity exploded throughout her body. "You just let Daddy take care of you." Her fingers curled again and she added more scratch marks to her previous artwork on his back as he hissed in her ear._

"_Oh, God, Fin…" she panted, followed by a shudder. _

"_Are you going to cum all over my nice hard dick like a good girl?" he whispered before nibbling on her earlobe._

"_Uhhh…" she groaned. He loved this about her. He loved that he could take her to a place where her brain couldn't form words. He felt her body change from rhythmic rocking to frantic jerking. She was close. He gripped her harder, intensifying his thrusting into her._

"_Come on, Baby, Daddy wants you to cum all over his hard dick," he said, pushing her even higher. His lips found the spot behind her ear again. "I love fucking that pussy, Baby Girl. You're gonna lose your voice from how hard I'm gonna make you scream." _

"_Uhhh….haaa…" she started, her voice making incoherent moans and screeches every time he thrust forward._

"_There ya go…you're almost there…cum on Daddy's cock," he told her. Her inner muscles clamped down on him like a vice so hard, he had to stop thrusting. She went taught as her orgasm crashed down on her. She screamed as she rode wave after wave. When he felt her slacken, he continued to thrust gently as she rode out her aftershocks._

_Then she realized he was still hard._

"_Ohhh…" she moaned as he continued his shallow thrusting. He needed to get deeper. He maneuvered her on her side without pulling out of her so that he was spooning her from behind. She wrapped her arms around a pillow, curling her body to give him better access._

"_That was good, Baby Girl, but Daddy still hasn't cum yet," he whispered to her from behind. "Think you can take a little more?" He waited until she began moving her own hips before he picked up his speed again. From this angle, he could penetrate her deeper and harder. His speed changed from the gentle thrusting he had just been using to a hard pistoning. Olivia clawed at the pillow her arms and arched her back, giving him access to her chest. She wasn't sure if she had another orgasm in her or not, but Fin was going to find out. He palmed at her breasts again as he pistoned into her from behind._

"_That's my good girl," he whispered to her. "Daddy loves when you let him fuck you like this. You're making Daddy's dick very, very happy tonight." She covered his hands with hers, guiding them gently to where she needed them. Her fingers laced with his, and she clutched at him, letting him know she was well on her way to another peak, but he needed more. He grabbed her hips and rotated her again so that she was facedown in the pillows and pushed her knees under her, raising her ass to him as he knelt behind her. He palmed at her muscular ass, watching it bounce with every thrust. God, she was perfect. She moaned into the pillows as he massaged her thoroughly. He slowed his movements so he could reach between them, coating his fingers with the ample moisture where they were joined. _

_He picked up his thrusting again, as he ran his fingers over the top of her crack. He watched for a response. She picked up her head slightly, but said nothing. This was new territory for her, but everything he had done to her tonight felt wonderful. He was so attentive to her needs and desires, and she trusted him. She looked at him over her shoulder, and her eyes met his. The question was posed, but there were no words. She nodded slightly, indicating permission. He ran his finger farther down the cleft between her two perfect cheeks, seeking entrance to her back door. He lubricated his fingers again, and slowly, carefully, teased her second entrance. She tensed, and closed tightly. Fin moved his free hand from his hip and rubbed her back gently._

"_Relax, Baby, just relax," he told her. He continued to tease her, letting her grow accustomed to his finger in new territory. He knew it had to be her first time…only a first timer would be this tense. He moved his hand from her back to her clit, rubbing vigorously as his other hand continued to tease her. She moaned again as her head fell back to the pillow, relaxing enough that the tip of his finger could slip inside her. He teased at her muscular opening, massaging it, relaxing it, until it gave enough that he could thrust inside her with his finger in opposite time to what his cock was doing in her pussy._

_Olivia was well on her way to oblivion again. The new sensations were intense, and she had never felt so full in her life._

"_Can you do it again, Baby Girl? Can you cum hard on Daddy's cock?" he asked, as he continued his assault on both her holes. _

"_Fin…don't…stop…" she managed to say. He started working a second finger into her, and she moaned something vaguely sounding like his name and 'please.' The intensity was getting to him. He could feel the pressure building in his balls, and he knew it would be long before he was going to explode, too. He started thrusting for all he was worth, giving it to her hard, fast, and deep until he felt inner walls start to clamp around him again._

"_Fin!" she yelled, followed by yet another scream. Her climax pushed him over the edge, and he slammed into her letting loose rope after rope of thick semen inside her. As she came, she trapped both his fingers and his cock inside her, throwing her head back in ecstasy, like a mare being bred. No one had ever made her climax that hard…ever. As she came down from her high, she slipped off him, collapsing onto the bed below her. Fin slumped forward, throwing himself to the side to avoid falling on top of her._

_Olivia sighed contentedly, smiling at him. She was lying flat on her tummy, legs still splayed, while he was on his side next to her. He rubbed her back gently. She wanted to look at him, but she was finding it incredibly difficult to keep her eyes open._

"_You ok?" he asked. Olivia nodded, too exhausted to do much more._

"_Very ok," she answered. She let him pull her into his arms and pepper her with soft kisses._

"'_Daddy', hmm?" she questioned, resting her head on his chest. He shrugged._

"_You seemed to get off on it as much as I did," he told her, running his fingers through her hair again._

"_Play your cards right, and you just might get to do that again," she said, just before she drifted off to sleep._

_Fin grinned into the night. She was more unbelievable in reality than she was in his fantasies._

Fin put his wallet back in his pocket, keeping the tickets in his hand. He wasn't giving up on her, he just couldn't. He set his bag next to the front door and silently slipped into the master bedroom. He placed the tickets on the nightstand along with a note, and paused to kiss both Tina and Olivia gently.

_His girls._

But Olivia wasn't really his anymore. He would have gladly laid down his life before letting anyone harm a hair on either of their heads, and perhaps that would have been easier. Dying would have spared him the absolute crushing pain as his heart broke. They looked so peaceful, asleep together, mother and child. He should still be here, as a husband and a father, but Olivia always came first. He wiped away the lone tear that had escaped his careful control and crept out of the room as quietly as he had entered so as not to wake either of them. Before closing the front door, he took one last look around the apartment that he had called home ever since he and Olivia decided to have children. He didn't want to linger too long, because the thought that he wouldn't be returning here again was killing him, but he needed a moment, just this one moment, to say good-bye.

_**Hmmm…six months? Think he can win her back in six months? And what about that surprise of Ken's? **_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

When Olivia woke the next morning, something in the house felt different. She couldn't put her finger on it, but it was there nevertheless. Her eyes fell on the envelope carefully positioned on her nightstand, with Fin's handwriting scratched across it plain as day. She sat up, careful not to disturb Tina, as she pulled out the contents. She noticed the three Yankees tickets right away, and a plain piece of paper, folded into thirds. She opened the note and read:

_Olivia,_

_I didn't know what love was until I experienced it with you. I may not be perfect, and I may not be the best guy in the world, but what I had with you was truly special. There's an old saying, "if you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. If it comes back, love it forever." I'm hoping you'll come back, and if you do, I promise that I will love you forever._

_My only regret is that I had to leave without saying good-bye to Tina. I hope that we can figure out what to tell her together, but please, Liv, don't make me the bad guy. That's all I ask. Let her still love her father._

_The tickets are for you. I had planned to take the three of us to a ball game, but then everything sort of fell apart. So, take Tina and Munch or Elliot, or whoever you want, but have a good time._

_I won't give up on us, Liv._

_Love always,_

_Fin_

Tears welled in her eyes as she read his words. She knew he was still in love with her, and it killed her that he wouldn't just accept reality and let them both move on. There was still a part of her that wanted him here, with her, but she knew it just wasn't fair to him. And he was so afraid that she would demonize him to Tina. He should have known that she would never have done that. Whatever problems Olivia and Fin had, she knew that they could never affect Tina.

Her eyes fell on her sleeping daughter next to her. She knew she was going to have to tell Tina something, but she wasn't sure just how to approach that yet. How long would it take for Tina to realize that her daddy was gone? Olivia could only use the work excuse for so long before Tina started to suspect something. Tina reached with her left hand, seeking Olivia. When the hand met nothing but air, she started to stir.

"Momma…" she whined. Olivia put an arm around her.

"I'm right here, Baby. Go back to sleep," she said, patting Tina gently. Tina relaxed momentarily, and then her eyes opened and she sat up straight. Her face was twisted in her usual morning scowl, and truth be told, she bore a striking resemblance to Fin in the morning. She huffed as her brain processed that she was awake now.

"Well, good morning, Sunshine," Olivia said. Tina huffed again.

"I'm hungry," she said.

"Do you want some cereal?" Olivia asked, folding the note and tucking it into her nightstand. Tina shook her head.

"Nuh uh," she said.

"Well, what do you want?" Olivia asked.

"French toast," Tina said.

"Ok, I suppose I can make you some French toast," Olivia said.

"No," Tina said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I want _Daddy's_ French toast." Olivia's heart sank. Apparently, she was going to have to figure out what to tell Tina sooner rather than later.

"Oh, Tina, Daddy left already. Now, we can either do cereal or Mommy can make you scrambled eggs. Which will it be?" Olivia asked.

"Can we have Daddy's French toast for dinner?" Tina asked, dodging Olivia's question. Olivia sighed.

"We'll see. Let's take care of breakfast now, though. Now, which is it? Cereal or eggs?" Olivia asked.

"Cheerios," Tina said.

"Ok, let's go, Little Miss," Olivia said, coaxing Tina from bed. Tina dragged her blankie behind her and dutifully sat at the table as Olivia fixed a bowl of cereal for her daughter. Tina was chasing the small o's in her bowl with her spoon when there was a knock at the front door. Olivia quickly glanced at her watch before she headed for the door. 9:30am, and neither she nor Tina were dressed. She checked the peephole and opened the door.

"We need to talk," Dana Lewis said, her Southern drawl slightly more pronounced than usual. "And you're not gonna like it."

"Come on in," Olivia said, pulling the door open to let her in.

"We're getting a late start here, so…" Dana held up a hand, cutting her off.

"It's fine. But I have news on your case, and I'd rather tell ya sooner rather than later," Dana said.

"What news?" Olivia asked.

"It's about Joseph Colin," Dana began.

"I was expecting this. What's taking so long? I mean, he's been in Riker's for four months," Olivia asked.

"Well, his lawyer tried every Mickey Mouse trick in the book to stall things. First he wanted your rape kit excluded, then he wanted your testimony out, then he wanted Fin's testimony out. It's been one hearing after another," Dana explained.

"On what grounds?" Olivia asked, slightly disgusted that there could be a single reason for any of the evidence to be excluded.

"Well, that's the thing. There really aren't grounds for it. Like I said, he was just trying to buy time. Now, the DA on your case tried to get him prosecuted for the full extent of his crimes, but that's not looking likely at the moment," Dana told her. Olivia's heart sank.

"What did he offer you?" she asked coldly.

"Information to bring down this entire ring of racist pigs," Dana said.

"In exchange for what? You're not letting him go, are you?" Olivia asked. At that moment, Tina decided she had had enough.

"Mommy…I'm done with my cereal," she said, tugging on Olivia's pant leg. Olivia turned to her.

"Ok, sweetie, let's go watch cartoons," Olivia said, quickly turning on the television. She managed to find an episode of Sesame Street that would keep her entertained. When she turned back, there was a huge smile on Dana's face.

"She's adorable," Dana observed. Olivia looked back at Tina.

"Yeah, she is, thank you. Now, what did you give Colin?" she asked.

"Ten to fifteen. For everything," Dana said. Olivia's blood boiled.

"No. No, Dana. That man ruined my life. He's in part responsible for the death of at least one of my children, traumatizing my daughter, raping me, and driving a wedge between my husband and I that can't be fixed. No, Dana. Fifteen years won't cut it," Olivia said adamantly.

"Whoa, whoa…wait. What's goin' on with you and Fin?" Dana asked.

Olivia eyed Tina, whose eyes were still glued to the TV, and she was sucking her thumb and fingering her blankie.

"Come on," Olivia said, leading Dana to the kitchen, out of Tina's earshot. "We're…separating. I haven't told Tina yet, so…"

"Liv, when did all of this happen?" Dana asked, concerned.

"Last night. So, when I tell you that Joseph Colin took everything from me, I mean he took everything," Olivia said. "Have any papers been signed?"

"No. The DA was planning to make the offer this morning," Dana said.

"Stop. Him. I don't care what information he has, he's a danger to society, and he needs to be locked up for the rest of his natural life. If I could put a needle in his arm myself, I would," Olivia said. She was staring Dana down with a practiced look she had used on many perps over the years.

"I'll see what I can do," Dana said softly.

XxXxX

Tianna opened her front door to reveal her son, with his head bowed in shame and a suitcase in his right hand. Dare she hope that this meant that her dreams were coming true? Had he finally realized that he and Olivia shouldn't have been together in the first place?

"Odafin," she exclaimed.

"Mama, I need a place to stay for a little while," he began.

"Say no more. Of course you can stay here," she said, reaching for his suitcase. She dragged it into the spare bedroom, which secretly, she had prepared a little over five years ago for this very occasion.

"Thanks, Mama," he said glumly.

"Oh, Odafin," she said, taking his face in her hands. "Come into the kitchen. I'll make you some bread pudding and you can tell me all about it." Fin followed his mother obediently, and he sat at the counter while she worked.

"Before you get too excited, no, Mama, we're not officially done. We're just separated for now," he said, trying to fend off any premature excitement on Tianna's part. He knew she would be overjoyed at the thought of his marriage to Olivia ending, but he had hoped that she would show some restraint. Olivia was still the mother of her grandchild, after all.

"I don't want to pry," Tianna began. Fin chuckled.

"Of course you do. You always want to know what's going on between us. Well, here it is. Olivia is still having…trouble with a lot of issues. She thought it would be easier for her to try to work through them alone," he explained.

"So, she's still not putting out," Tianna said bluntly.

"Mama!" Fin exclaimed. "That's none of your business, and for what it's worth, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"You know, I've always said that the way to keep a man was to keep his stomach full and his balls empty, but if she can't seem to grasp that simple, little…" Tianna went on.

"Mama! Stop it, ok? I will NOT have you insulting Olivia. You have no idea what she's gone through, and until you do, you don't have the right to say a damn thing about her!" Fin wasn't usually one to yell at his mother, but he would defend Olivia with his last dying breath.

"Well, if Olivia is having all of these 'issues', as you put it, then I hope you're going after custody of that beautiful little girl of yours. It sounds like she's probably not capable of being a proper mother to her right now," she said.

"No, Mama, I'm not filing for custody of Tina. There is no one on the planet who can care for that child better than Olivia, and right now, Tina is her entire world. I won't be the one who takes away the one good thing she still has in life," he said.

"Odafin, you WILL file for custody of that child. I will not have my grandchild raised by a spoiled, unstable white woman," Tianna said firmly.

"You know what? I'm not discussing this anymore with you," Fin said, as he angrily stormed out of the apartment. He couldn't believe his mother sometimes. She meant well, but it was no big secret that she had always despised his marriage to Olivia simply because she was white. At the moment, that was far too close to Adam and Joseph's perceived right to rape her repeatedly and kill her unborn child simply because they happened to be two different skin colors. He wished that his mother would see Olivia for the person she was, not the color of her skin. Olivia was warm, gentle, beautiful, strong, and everything else he could possibly want in a wife. And she was the best mother he had ever seen, even in her current state.

And yet, he was still worried about them. He wouldn't be there anymore every night to make sure that they were safe. Sure, Olivia could take care of herself, but he wondered about her now. Would she be able to pick up her gun and fire it if necessary? Or would she cower in fear? Would she be able to tackle an intruder and take him down? And the macho side of him believed that she shouldn't have to do it; that was his job as the man of the house.

He was at their building before he realized it, and he looked up, counting the windows, finding the ones to his apartment. Olivia and Tina would be having dinner now. He wondered what they were eating, and what Olivia had told Tina. He desperately wanted to go upstairs and join them, but he couldn't. He had made a promise to Olivia, and he never broke promises to her.

So, he kept walking. He felt like he was losing her all over again. There was a case where she had had a gun to her head in an airport terminal a few years ago. Elliot had been with her, but Fin had been at the precinct when it happened. He heard everything that happened through the radio calls, refusing to leave the Captain's office until he knew it was over, one way or another. In that moment, he had been so afraid that he would lose her, and he wasn't sure how he would go on, especially with an infant at home. He knew he needed her like he needed air.

After a few blocks, he found himself pushing open a heavy wooden door that lead into a dimly lit establishment that could only be a bar. The smell of alcohol assaulted his nose immediately, and he wasn't sure that he could resist this time. He knew that all he had to do was keep pouring booze down his throat, and he would forget how badly he was hurting, even if it was only temporary.

A shot of Scotch appeared before him that he didn't remember ordering. He fingered the cool glass, brought it to his nose, and inhaled deeply. The smell was better than he remembered. He knew he should leave the glass on the bar, turn around, and walk away. And that's what his brain commanded his arm to do, but of its own volition, his arm defied his commands, brought the glass to his lips and emptied the contents down his throat before he could protest.

The alcohol burned as it slid down his throat, and yet, somehow, it felt right. He deserved to suffer because he couldn't be a good enough husband to Olivia. He couldn't keep her from being afraid of him at night.

He couldn't protect her.

"Can I get another?" he asked the bartender. He couldn't protect Olivia. If he had been home when those animals had broken in, she never would have been kidnapped, and she never would have been raped, and she would still be pregnant with John.

"Sure thing," the bartender said, pouring another shot for Fin. He picked up that one, and vowed that this would be the last one. Two shots weren't going to phase him.

It went back farther than the kidnapping, though. It was that damn clinic, and that damn doctor who couldn't stand the fact that his white wife was pregnant with his half black/half white child. He had stood by Olivia and listened as she talked about those "pre-natal vitamins" she injected that actually killed his children.

"One more, and make it a double," Fin said, calling the bartender back. His children. There were supposed to be four of them. He wondered what they would have looked like, what their little personalities would have been like. He wondered if they would look more like him or more like Olivia. He wondered what gender Taylor and

Jordan were. It had been too soon to tell when Olivia miscarried with each of them, which is why they were given unisex names. And then there was John…

"You know what? Just leave the bottle," Fin said this time. He knew he needed to stop drinking. He was at a really good buzz headed straight for full-on drunk. Actually, at this point, he would probably fail a breathalyzer. It didn't matter anymore. He didn't want to think about Olivia or Tina or Taylor or Jordan or John. He just wanted to reach that place where he was in such a state of bliss that it didn't matter anymore.

The level of liquid in the bottle dipped lower and lower as he continued to pour drinks for himself. He had given up almost everything for Olivia, and this was how she repayed him? By kicking him to the curb? He had moved into HER apartment, given up most of HIS things, and gone along with what SHE wanted. He wanted to elope, she wanted a wedding. He wanted to move out to Brooklyn or Queens, she wanted to stay in Manhattan. He didn't want kids, she did. Why had he done it? She was bright, funny, gorgeous, and the best damn lover he ever had.

Sex. God, he missed the sex. She used to be so willing to try just about anything, and they both got a thrill from it. They had taken each other to heights that they never dreamed were possible. She fit his mother's adage perfectly: she was the only woman he knew that could cook better than his mother, and she made sure he never had an erection for long. She took damn good care of him, and that's usually why she got her way most of the time. It had been four months already; it was high time for her to start acting like a real wife again. He had gone through this not putting out crap when she lost his children, and he wasn't going to stand for it again. She needed to pick herself up, dust herself off, and stop wallowing in this damn funk she had slipped in to. Tina needed to go back to school, Olivia needed to back to work, and he needed a good screw from his wife.

He was going to go to her apartment and tell her a thing or two. He was going to take Tina. His mother was right; Olivia was too unstable to take care of a child. Yes, that's what he was going to do. He was going to walk out of this bar, march over to his house, and protect the child he had sired. And maybe, while he was there, he should just bend her over and give her a damn good fuck.

Except he could barely stand when he climbed off the stool.

The bottle in front of him was empty.

The conversation he had had with Olivia after her second miscarriage flashed through his mind.

Dammit, he was drunk. Oh, and now he was screwed. He was so, so screwed. She was never going to forgive him. Even if he could figure out how to win her back, it was over for him now. Maybe he should just go hurl himself over the side of the Brooklyn Bridge. That would solve so many problems. He would stop missing Olivia and Tina so much it ached, and he could stop being such a failure as a husband.

Except he could still barely stand.

He was vaguely aware of someone sliding onto the stool next to him. He wanted to be alone right now so that he could figure out how to get himself out of this mess he had drunken himself into, and this guy was just too freaking close for comfort. He turned to glare at him, hoping he was menacing enough to spook the guy into moving a few seats away, but when he laid eyes on the guy, he couldn't believe what he saw.

Joseph Colin.

He shook his head to make sure that it wasn't just the booze playing tricks on him, but there he was. And image of the punk on top of his frightened wife, taunting her, grunting as he plowed mercilessly into her, terrifying her, flashed through his mind. He didn't even think. His arm moved of its own volition again, pulling back and cracking the guy hard across the jaw.

"What the...?" he asked, reeling from where he had landed on the floor.

"Whassa matta…can't stand up ta me?" he slurred.

"Hey, listen, buddy, I just came in here for a beer," the guy said.

"Sure ya did," Fin said, pulling back his foot and kicking the guy hard in the ribs.

"That's for my wife, you fucking asshole," he spat. He felt hands on him, pulling him back, but it didn't matter. He just wanted to kill Joseph. He fought as hard as he could because when he got his hands back on him, he was going to squeeze his neck until he felt the life drain from Joseph's body.

"Let me go!" he yelled. "That punk raped my wife!" The man's eyes went wide at the accusation. He pulled himself up off the floor.

"The cops are on their way," the bartender said.

"Good! I 'ope ya enjoyed yourself, Colin. You'll be takin' it up the ass in Riker's," Fin said, slurring his words again. Fin's world was spinning. He couldn't figure out which way was up.

"Colin? I think you've got the wrong…" he said. His vision blurred, and black spots appeared in front of him.

The next thing Fin knew, he was in a holding cell in one of the precincts. It wasn't the 1-6, but it was definitely a holding cell, and he had one hell of a headache.

"Tutuola!" a uniformed cop yelled as he approached the cell.

"Can ya keep it down a little?" Fin asked, wincing as he cradled his head in his hands. As far as he was concerned, the best cure for a hangover was another drink, but that wasn't happening now. Holy crap, he really screwed up this time.

"You got a visitor," he said.

_Please don't let it be Olivia,_ he thought, panicked. If Olivia saw him locked up with a hangover, he was definitely finished. Not only would she toss him to the curb permanently, but she would have that look on her face. Not the angry one that made him shiver in his boots, but the disappointed one. He hated that look. It was bad enough when she screamed and yelled, but the disappointment, that was the absolute worst.

Fin looked up, and standing in the open cell door was none other than Don Cragen.

_**Yeah, Fin's a mean drunk, but we found out about that after Olivia had her second miscarriage. So, what do you think Cragen's going to do? And do you think he would tell Olivia?**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

"Awww, Captain, I screwed up," he said.

"Well, that goes without saying," Cragen said, joining Fin on the bench. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I just…I…I don't know," Fin stammered. "I fell off the wagon." He looked up at Cragen as the sudden realization that Olivia still didn't know what happened clicked. "Oh, God, Captain…you can't tell my wife. Please don't tell my wife."

"Fin, start at the beginning. What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know. We were barely hanging on by a thread. Olivia…she's been so distant lately. One minute she wants me to hold her, and the next she can't stand having me in the same room. I kept trying and trying to make things better, and somehow, they just kept getting worse. She's gotten so protective of Tina too. I wanted to take her to the park a few days ago, and Olivia acted like something horrible was going to happen to Tina because she wasn't there," he said.

"Olivia's going through a lot right now, Fin. You've worked with rape victims before. You know that it can take a while before they're comfortable, and some of them never recover," Cragen said sympathetically.

"I know, I know. But still…I felt like it was all my fault. That there was something *I* was doing that was scaring her, and I hated that. I tried to protect her! But I couldn't. I couldn't protect any of them…" he said. Out of nowhere, dry sobs overtook him, and he was vaguely aware of Cragen's hand patting him lightly on the back.

"You did what you could," Cragen told him.

"No, Captain, you don't understand. Dana Lewis came to talk to us. Olivia's miscarriages weren't accidents. She was injected with some drug by Victoria Black that caused them, all because they were MY children," Fin said, trying to regain his composure. Cragen nodded slowly. He had seen the news coverage, and he had suspected that Olivia may have been a victim, but he didn't know for sure until now.

"Anyway, I wanted us to work through this together, and I thought she did too. She was so clingy that day, and I thought, 'hey, maybe we're on the right track here.' And then, the next day I woke up, and she was sleeping in Tina's room," Fin continued.

"Maybe Tina had a nightmare," Cragen suggested.

"That's what she says, but I don't know. All I know is I went to sleep holding my wife and woke up without her. That night, she asked for a divorce," Fin said.

"When did all of this happen?" Cragen asked.

"Two nights ago. I went to my mother's house yesterday, and she was just so damn giddy about it, making cracks about how Olivia never measured up as a wife and how she was a terrible mother…and I snapped. I went for a walk, and ended up here," Fin finished.

"Well, according to the police report, officers responded to a bar brawl initiated by you," Cragen told him. Suddenly, Fin remembered what had set him off.

"Colin! Where is that little punk? And how did he get outta jail?" Fin said, anger boiling inside him again.

"Calm down. Colin is still in Rikers, where he's been for the past four months. James Heston, the man you assaulted last night, just finished filing a report," Cragen informed him. Fin's jaw dropped. Crap. Now, not only had he gotten completely stinking drunk, but he had assaulted a man for no reason at all.

"Oh, Jesus, Captain," Fin said, cradling his head again.

"Now, I've spoken with Mr. Heston, and I think we can persuade him to drop the charges, but you have to agree to alcohol treatment," he said.

"What about Olivia? You gonna call her?" Fin asked, with his head still buried. Cragen thought for a moment before he spoke.

"I think Olivia has enough on her plate for now. You get your ass back into substance abuse counseling, and we can forget this ever happened. But, if you don't get help…" Cragen said.

"I know. You'll tell my wife everything, and then I'll never get her back," Fin finished for him. "When do we start?"

"Right now, son," Cragen answered. And then he stood and extended his hand, which Fin happily took as the lifeline it was.

XxXxX

Across town, Olivia was in the federal building mentally preparing for a meeting she really didn't want to have. Tina was happily coloring at one of the small coffee tables in the waiting room.

"Olivia?" Dana asked, opening the door to the restricted section of the building. "We're ready for you." Olivia nodded in acknowledgement.

"Tina, come on. It's time to go," Olivia said, gathering up the coloring book and crayons and putting them back in her purse. She took Dana's hand and followed her through a series of corridors to an area that resembled the bullpen in her own precinct.

"Liv, this is my assistant, Trish Matheson. She's offered to keep an eye on Tina while we chat," Dana said. Olivia gripped Tina's hand harder.

"I'd rather keep her with me," she said.

"Liv, you know what we're here to do. Do you really want Tina to see and hear all of that?" Dana asked. Olivia swallowed hard as Dana continued. "Trish is great with kids. She has five younger brothers and sisters, and she's going to make one hell of an agent someday. She'll be perfectly safe."

"Dana…" Olivia warned.

" Trish is going to take her to our children's interview room, and we'll be in the room right next door. I really need to speak with you alone," Dana reiterated, pointing to two doors nearby. Olivia bit her lip. She was familiar enough with the process to know that this wasn't any place for a child.

"Ok, but if she gets fussy at all, come get me," Olivia told Trish firmly. Then she bent down to Tina's level. "Tina, you're going to go with Miss Matheson while Mommy talks to the police. Can you be a good girl?"

"I wanna stay with you!" Tina whined.

"I want to stay with you, too, but you'll have fun. They have a whole room of toys here like we do at Mommy's office," Olivia explained.

"Then you come play with me," Tina said, sticking out her lower lip.

"Hey, Tina, do you like Candyland?" Trish said, bending down to Tina's level herself. Tina nodded warily.

"Well, why don't we go play Candyland while your mom takes care of some grown up stuff?" Trish suggested.

"Mommy come too," Tina said, grabbing Olivia's shirt with one hand and sticking the thumb of her other hand in her mouth.

"Mommy can play with us as soon as she's finished," Trish said. Tina looked up at Olivia questioningly.

"It's ok, Tina. You can go play," Olivia said. Finally getting some compliance from Tina, she took Trish's hand and together the two headed for the children's interview room. Olivia couldn't help but notice the look of sadness edged with fear on Tina's face as she glanced back at Olivia.

"We'll be finished in an hour, tops," Dana told her as she steered Olivia towards the conference room next door.

When Dana opened the door, sitting at the table inside was a man, around Olivia's own age, tall with a well-built figure that his suit framed perfectly, and his hair falling casually into place with little to no effort from products.

The man looked deep in thought as he read over one of the file in front of him, his dark blue eyes narrowed in anger perhaps, but Olivia couldn't be sure. When he heard the door open, he glanced up at them and smiled at Olivia before he stood up and smoothed out the expensive jacket he was wearing.

"It's good to see you again, Olivia," he said. David Haden smiled warmly as he shook her hand. It had been a year or so since he had last seen her, but she was just as beautiful as he remembered her. They had worked a case that had very nearly cost him his job because all she had to do was bat her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and pout her lips, and she got her way. He might have pursued her had she not been married at the time, but as far as he knew, the attraction was strictly one-sided.

"David…it's been a while. How have you been?" Olivia asked. He smiled, and oh, what a gorgeous smile it was.

"You two know each other?" Dana asked.

"We worked a case together when David was with the Manhattan DA's office, which is where I thought he still was," Olivia said, raising an eyebrow at David. He smiled sheepishly.

"I thought my talents could be put to better use here," was the only answer he gave. Olivia took a seat across from David, with Dana pulling out the chair next to her. She noticed he waited until both women were seated before he took his own seat.

"First of all, Olivia, I want to extend my sympathy to you and your family. Based on what I know about your case, you've all been put through the wringer on this one," he said.

"So, I assume that since I'm here, you've decided not to make that ridiculous deal with Colin?" Olivia said, trying her best to stare the attorney down.

"That's correct," Haden said. "Now then, as Dana has already informed you, Colin's attorneys have clogged up the court system with several unnecessary motions, which suggests that he might be stalling for time. Is there anything you're aware of that he could spring on us?" Olivia didn't like where this line of questioning was headed.

"He and his brother abducted my entire family and held us captive for three days," Olivia spat.

"I know, and again, I'm sorry, but I don't want to be surprised in court," Haden said, keeping his voice as calm as possible. He hated doing this. He had read her case file, and he didn't want to be the one to grill her after what she had been through.

"What are you getting at?" Olivia asked, annoyed. Haden leaned back in his chair and regarded her carefully. He knew what Colin's defense was, but he was calculating the risk of divulging that information to the woman in front of him.

"Victims always hold something back, Olivia," he said carefully.

"I haven't held anything back. I've been a sex crimes cop for far too long and been screwed too many times to make that same mistake. I gave Dana my full statement, and you have the contents of my rape kit. That combined with what CSU collected at the scene should make this case a slam dunk," Olivia said.

"The forensic evidence indicates that you engaged in brutal sex with two different men," Haden told her. Olivia shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She didn't want to relive this again.

"They both raped me," she stated again.

"Olivia, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm going to have to be blunt. With everything you've seen in your career, have you ever…fantasized about being taken forcibly?" Haden asked. Olivia's heart pounded, and if there wasn't a table between them at this very moment, she would have smacked Haden hard enough that he would still remember it in the morning.

"_WHAT!?_" The accusation was just so ridiculous it barely warranted a response. "Never. And do you want to know why? Because I've seen what happens after a real rape, and now I'm living it. And you should know me better than that."

"Then why did we find handcuffs in a drawer with lingerie in your apartment?" Haden asked quietly. Olivia felt her cheeks burn.

"When did you go through my apartment?" she asked.

"Just after you were abducted. CSU swept the entire place looking for evidence of where you were taken," Haden said quietly. Olivia took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm. The details of her sex life were none of their business.

"My husband and I…have always had a good sex life," she stated.

"Does that include one of you tying the other up for the purposes of sexual gratification?" Haden asked. Olivia thought back to the most recent time, where she had allowed Fin to tie her up in exchange for getting the laundry folded.

"What the two of us do, privately, is no one's business but ours," she said quietly.

"As you said, Olivia, you've been doing this a long time, so you know that I wouldn't be asking these questions if there wasn't a very good reason. Trust me, I don't want to pry into your personal life any more than you want to tell me about it," Haden said gently.

"What my husband and I have or have not done in the privacy of our own bedroom has absolutely no bearing on this case, either," Olivia said defensively.

"That's where you're wrong," Haden told her. He calculated the risk of divulging what he knew once more, and made his statement neutrally, simply to gauge her reaction. "Colin claims that you solicited him to help you live out your rape fantasy." Olivia's eyes went wide as she processed his statement. The meager contents of her stomach started churning. She thought about everything the Colin brothers had done to her: the numerous times that they had raped her, the hiss of her skin as the branding iron touching it, the smell of her own burning flesh, the caustic odors of the chemicals they poured on her body. And they had done nearly all of it in front of the eyes of her young daughter. She could almost taste the vomit in the back of her mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said quickly. She noticed both sets of eyes were on her, scrutinizing her, judging her, registering every movement she made. "No, really…I think I'm going to be sick," she said, more to Dana than anyone else. Dana stood and opened the door to the interview room.

"Bathroom's down the hall. Third door on the right," she said. Olivia stood and bolted in the direction Dana indicated.

"Does that answer your question?" she asked Haden before she turned to follow Olivia.

Olivia found the women's restroom and practically threw herself through the door. She found the first open stall and fell to the floor as quickly as possible, just in time for her stomach to void itself of its contents. Dana stood in the doorway of the restroom, listening to Olivia heave. She was normally able to emotionally detach from her cases, but this one tugged at her heartstrings. She didn't say anything just yet, merely stood, listening. Olivia's retching turned to sobbing as reality crashed down on her. Consensual? How could anything that happened during those three days be consensual? Or even a fantasy? And how could they twist the love and trust she shared with Fin into "evidence" against her? This was too much. It was all too much.

"Liv?" Dana asked quietly, after waiting for the sobs to subside.

"I'm ok," Olivia answered. She just wanted to be alone.

"We're almost finished," Dana told her.

"I'm not sure I can do this anymore," Olivia said softly.

"Ok, then I'll just call Colin's attorney and tell him we've decided to drop the kidnapping, seven counts of rape, and attempted murder charges. Is that what you want?" Dana asked. She heard Olivia sigh in the stall.

"No," she admitted.

"Good, because I don't want that animal back out on the streets, and I don't think you do either," Dana said. "But I can't lock him up without your help." Olivia emerged from the stall. She was still pale and shaky, but at least she wasn't hiding anymore.

"Just…give me a minute…" Olivia said, gripping the edge of the sink. She rinsed out her mouth and splashed cold water on her face, and took several deep breaths, gathering up the last shred of dignity and courage in her.

"Ok, let's do this," Olivia said with a renewed sense of determination.

"How are you feeling?" David asked when she re-entered the room with Dana behind her.

"Better," she answered.

"Good. Feel up to continuing?" Haden asked. Olivia nodded and took her seat again.

"So, are ready to explain the handcuffs now?" he asked again. Damn, he didn't waste anytime.

"Like I said, my husband and I have always had a healthy sex life. We've…experimented, but he's the only man I would ever try anything with," she said confidently. "And I thought the days of putting a victim's sex life on trial were over," she added.

"I wish they were," Haden replied. "Unfortunately, juries still need convincing." He paused, scanning the top sheet of paper in the file in front of him. "I think I have all I need for now. We'll be in touch." As she left the room, he couldn't help but notice she had just gotten more attractive since he last saw her, but her eyes had lost some of the warmth they used to hold. She seemed haunted and detached, and whatever doubts he may have had about her statement were erased. He hadn't wanted to drag her personal business out into the open, but while her statement hadn't waivered, Colin's attorney seemed to be doing a pretty good job twisting the facts so that it appeared to be a consensual act.

Olivia quickly collected Tina, and after exchanging the minimum number of pleasantries required to leave politely, she started home. As they reached the waiting room, a familiar figure slouched in one of the chairs, looking exhausted.

"Daddy!" Tina cried, jerking her tiny hand away from Olivia. Fin looked up suddenly at the sound of his daughter's voice.

"Hey, Baby…" he said, slinking out of the chair, low, so that he could hug her properly. She ran into his arms, and he held her close, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Olivia.

"Will you come home and make French toast?" Tina asked. Olivia shook her head slightly. Fin understood immediately that Olivia hadn't yet told Tina about the separation.

"We'll see," Fin told Tina, resulting in a pout. Fin stood up and took a moment to just look at Olivia. He had gone immediately from jail to a meeting this morning, and he was in a place where he was regretting everything he had done during his drinking binge last night. Her face still had that pained look to it, and he knew instantly that she was suffering just as much as he was.

"How are you?" he asked softly.

"I'm…ok," she said, looking everywhere but at him.

"You still haven't told her, have you?" he asked, referring to Tina.

"No," Olivia answered, not volunteering anything more.

"Look, maybe I should stop by later, and we can tell her together…" he suggested.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Olivia said quickly, shutting him down.

"Liv, I just…" he began, but was quickly cut off.

"I know, Fin. I know what you want, but if we tell her together, you're going to have to L-E-A-V-E, and she's going to cry," Olivia said. "It's easier if I just tell her myself, which I will do, soon." Fin wanted to protest, to argue with her, to do anything to get a rise out of her, but he couldn't. He could see she was already hurting, and he didn't want to make her hurt anymore.

"I just want to be a father to my child," he said softly. "Let me at least do that." Once again, Olivia was looking everywhere but at him.

"Come by on Saturday. You can see her then," Olivia said. She didn't want to have this conversation with him. She wasn't sure how to handle this whole separation thing, but somehow, working as a team seemed like the wrong thing to do. They were both going to have to learn to be a parent separately. They were no longer a single, undivided unit. "Come on Tina," Olivia said, scooping Tina into her arms.

"No! Mommy! I wanna stay with Daddy! I wanna stay…" Tina cried, but Fin never heard anything more because Olivia had carried her away. Fin thought there was no pain greater than what he experienced when Liv asked for a divorce, but seeing his daughter ripped away like that was a hundredfold worse.

"Fin?" Dana said, jarring him back to reality. "You ready?"

Fin swallowed hard as he turned from the spot where his girls had just been standing and nodded. "Lead the way."

Dana led Fin to the same room where Olivia had been interviewed and again, David stood up and extended his hand to Fin who took it and gave it a brief shake.

"Detective Tutuola, I'm David Haden," David introduced himself with the same smile he had offered Olivia. "I'm going to be representing you and your family during this case."

Fin eyed him wearily as he sat down in the chair that he pulled out. "I thought you worked for Manhattan."

"I did but then I transferred to Federal a while back," explained David as he took his own seat. "And before we begin, I just want to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I can't imagine what you've gone through."

"Thanks," muttered Fin.

David offered him another kind smile before he folded his hands and placed them in front of him. David hesitated a long while as he tried to find the right words to use so he wouldn't end up bloodied on the floor. "Detective Tutuola, I'm sure you've been made aware that Colin and his attorney are trying to slow down the process with needless paperwork, correct?"

"Yeah," answered Fin with a shrug. "But I don't care how long it takes to get him behind bars; I just want him locked up and away from me and my family."

"I understand that, Detective, and believe me I feel the same way. But I have to ask you, is there anything you or your wife might be holding back? Anything at all that could leap out as a surprise in the middle of the trial?"

Fin didn't bother to correct him when he called Olivia his wife. Legally, and in his eyes, she was still his wife. He narrowed his brow in confusion. "What the hell could we be holding back that would change the fact they kidnapped my family and me, raped my wife in front of me, tortured her, assaulted me, and murdered my son?"

David glanced over at Dana for a moment before he turned back to Fin. "I'm talking in more… bedroom terms. I do apologize, Detective, but I have to ask. Has your wife ever asked you to pretend to take her by force? "

"Hang the hell on!" shouted Fin as he jabbed an accusatory finger in David's direction. "What goes on in my bedroom is no one but mine and my wife's business! We see this shit day in and day out; neither of us fantasize about holding her down and brutalizing her! What the hell are you playing at?"

"I'm sorry," said David, completely and honestly apologetic. "But, Detective, if neither one of you fantasized about holding her down, then why did CSU find handcuffs and silk scarves in her dresser drawer?"

The blood drained from Fin's face as a horrifying realization dawned on him. "Colin isn't… he isn't gonna try to spin it so it looks like she enjoyed it is he?"

Once again Dana and David's eyes met briefly before they both turned back towards Fin. "Colin and his attorney are saying that Olivia sought him out in order to live out her rape fantasy."

A white hot anger erupted inside Fin. His fingers clenched the table so tight he was sure he left a dent.

That sick, lowly, disgusting bastard was actually saying that Olivia not only wanted everything that had done to her, but had asked for it and liked it…

He saw the fear and pain in her eyes when Joseph raped her for the first time, heard the sobs that escaped her when she thought he was asleep, knew that Olivia would never even dream of living out a rape fantasy and if she had any interests in pretending to live out the brutality they saw day in and day out, she would have done it with Fin and Fin alone.

"Does she know?" he asked through his clenched teeth.

"We've spoken with her about it, yes," David confirmed. Fin pounded a fist against the table. He couldn't imagine how she felt about all of this, but he had a pretty good idea of why she had been so cold to him in the waiting room, and it had very little to do with the separation. Fin stood up in a huff of anger with David and Dana following his lead.

"My wife didn't fucking ask for any of this!" he bellowed. "They raped her! They held her down, forced her legs apart, and raped her without consent! You're gonna believe some sick twisted disgrace over his victims?"

"No one in this room believes Olivia wanted or asked for what happened to her," Dana corrected. "We all know the truth."

"Me included," David chimed in. "I've worked with Detective Benson on cases before. I don't believe she would be involved in something like this, and no one apart from Colin and his attorney are suggesting otherwise. But he says he has several full proof pieces of evidence proving his claim that Olivia contacted him and asked for his help to create a rape kidnapping fantasy."

"That so happened to involve her daughter?" snapped Fin. "Does he really think a jury would be that stupid?"

"Juries have been tricked before," admitted David, "but they won't be this time, I promise." David clapped Fin on the shoulder and looked at him with such a determination, that even as much as Fin didn't like lawyers, even he had to admit David was trustworthy. "We're going to get this guy, Detective. You have my word."

Fin took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Are we done here or…?"

Fin honestly didn't want to be rude but he was nursing one hell of a hangover, was tired and only wanted sleep.

David nodded and once again held out his hand. "I WILL get this guy, Detective ."

Fin went straight home, dismissed his mother with some excuse about working, and headed straight for bed. His head was still pounding, but he had promised Cragen he wouldn't resort to booze again to escape his own worthless reality. He took a couple of aspirin and a couple of sleeping pills, with a large glass of water, and settled into the cool sheets. He missed Olivia. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and feel her warm body next to him, to hold her until all of the hurt melted away. Somehow, he managed to sink into a fitful sleep, and when he woke, the sun was hanging low in the sky. His nose was assaulted by the smell of something amazing coming from the kitchen, a smell that only his mother could concoct. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, taking not that his headache was practically gone and padded into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," his mother greeted him.

"Hey, Mama…what smells so good?" he asked.

"Spaghetti with Mama's homemade sauce, meatballs, and garlic bread," she said as she laid out a plate of Fin's absolute favorite meal. His eyes lit up.

"Oh, Mama!" he exclaimed. For an instant, a smile graced his face, but then, a memory of Tina creating a royal mess out of her "pasghetti" forced its way into his consciousness. It just so happened this exact meal was her favorite, too. He tried not to let his face fall because he knew Tianna had gone to the trouble of making it specifically for him. So, instead, he picked up his fork, stabbed a meatball and took a bit.

"Mmmm," he said, knowing his mother would still chastise him for talking with his mouth full. No matter how old he got, she was still his mother. As he chewed, he realized that the food wasn't as good as he remembered it. What he was really craving was the unique twist Olivia put in her meatballs. The fact was, no matter what anyone said or did, it seemed to remind him of his family. "This is fantastic, Mama," he said politely after he swallowed.

"What's wrong, Odafin?" she asked, joining him.

"Nothing," Fin said quickly. "It's just as good as I remember it."

"Don't lie to me; I've known you since the day you were born. Now, let's try that again. What's wrong?" Tianna asked.

"It's just…this is Tina's favorite, too," he said. Tianna reached across the table and patted his hand affectionately.

"Why don't you call her after dinner?" Tianna suggested. "Surely Olivia won't begrudge you that." Fin sighed.

"It's complicated, Mama," he said. He didn't add any more to the conversation in an effort avoid fighting with his mother again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tianna asked. Fin shook his head.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe we don't belong together. I mean, Olivia…what they put her through…no one can recover from that, and maybe I was a fool to believe she could," he said.

"Odafin," Tianna said cautiously, carefully choosing each word. "You never told me what happened when you were abducted." Fin blinked several times. His mother had no idea what he or the rest of his family had endured. "I don't want to pry, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen." Fin felt the walls around him crumble. Only two women had ever had that effect on him – his mother and Olivia.

"They raped her, Mama," he said softly, his voice cracking. Tianna nodded slightly, listening, but she had already figured out that much. "They raped her over and over and over…and they made me watch while they did it." Still, Tianna continued to listen as he struggled for the words to explain the horrors of his memory. "They kept her on one side of the basement, chained on this…filthy mattress, and Tina and I were tied up on the other side of the room. I tried to shield Tina from as much as I could, but there was nothing I could do for Olivia." He paused for a minute before giving a sort of ironic laugh. "The really twisted part of all of this is that you were right. None of this would have happened if I hadn't married Olivia."

"What are you talking about, Odafin?" Tianna asked.

"The entire reason they came after us was because I, a black man, had the audacity to marry a white woman," he said bluntly. "They told Tina and me we were animals, and that's exactly how the treated us, and they raped Olivia to teach her a lesson for betraying her own, pure race." Tianna swallowed hard and held her napkin to her mouth as she processed her son's words.

_There are things that you can't understand. Things that he's been through, things that Tina will go through._

_There are those that will judge them both on the color of their skin, and that my dear, is something you've never experienced and can never understand._

Only now, Olivia understood. She had been tried, convicted, and punished by a bunch of racists.

"Maybe your right, Mama. Maybe I should just walk away and forget about them," Fin said.

"Do you still love her, Odafin?" Tianna asked softly.

"More than anything," he admitted.

"Then, I think…perhaps, you should go back to your wife," Tianna said softly. Fin's brow furrowed in confusion.

"But…you've always hated Olivia," he said.

"No, Son. Olivia is a wonderful person, but she could never understand what it was like to be treated as a second-class citizen simply based on the color of your skin," Tianna said. Fin's mouth hung open. His mother was a racist. The only reason she hated Olivia was because she was white, and yet, she had raised him to never allow anyone to judge him based on the color of his skin. "If you truly love her, you will go after her.

XxXxX

It was early in the evening, but well passed Tina's bedtime when Fin showed up at the front door and rang the bell. Olivia was curled up on the couch, watching an old sit-com, curled under her favorite fleece blanket. Her hair was piled on her head in a haphazard knot, and she was in her favorite pajamas. She scowled slightly when the doorbell rang, not really wanting to entertain anyone tonight. She pulled open the door, took one look at the enormous bouquet of lilies with Fin's eyes peeking above them,

"I never doubted you for a second," he said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You never have," she said, leaving the door open as she padded back towards the couch.

Fin stood in confusion, not sure whether he should come in or not. But she had left the door open. If she had wanted him to leave, she would have slammed it in his face. He hesitantly put one foot over the threshold, waiting to see if she would bite his head off.

"You can come in," she said, almost mocking him. Almost. God, he felt like a teenager on a first date. Or maybe more appropriately, how he felt the first time he had courted her. He busied himself fumbling for a vase in the kitchen while Olivia settled back in the corner of the couch, pulling her knees to her chest, and arranging the blanket over them.

"So…how are you?" Fin asked, shifting his weight nervously from his heels to the balls of his feet. Olivia smiled slightly.

"You can sit down," she said with a smirk, noticing how anxious he seemed around her. Fin sat on the other end of the couch and tried not to stare at her. Olivia picked at a piece of lint on the blanket.

"I just came to see how you were," he said softly. Olivia chewed her lips for a moment.

"I have bad days, and days that aren't so bad," she said carefully.

"I want you to know that I don't believe you solicited Colin for a second," he said. Olivia smiled briefly.

"I knew you wouldn't," she said softly. She paused for a moment, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to ask her next question or not. "Fin, did you ever fantasize about…me…like that?" Fin was shocked. He had a lot of fantasies, some more risqué than others, but he never wanted to _rape_ her.

"No," he said. "I would never…I don't ever want to even think you aren't enjoying it with me."

"You like to tie me up," Olivia said, still picking at the blanket and staring at her knees.

"Only because I thought you liked it too. You did, didn't you?" His heart pounded as he waited for her response. The thought that he had forced her to do something that she didn't want to do revolted him.

"You're right," she said waving him away. "I did like it, at the time, and I know you would have stopped if I had said anything."

"Liv, there's a difference between goofing around with handcuffs and pretending to rape somebody. After the first time we tried it, you got such an intense high from it that we agreed to do it again," he reminded her. Her eyes darted from corner to corner as she recalled those same memories. "Besides, I know you. You're not into the rough stuff. You like candles, soft music, romance…that's the kind of stuff that drives you wild." She bit her bottom lip as he voiced her desires.

"And you've always liked it rough," she said as her eyes finally met his.

"Not that rough," he said quickly. "Never like that." He paused again. "Liv, David said that Colin supposedly had proof that you solicited him."

"I have no idea what he could be talking about because I didn't even know who he was until he broke in here," she said.

"I just don't want to see our case fall apart," he said.

"Well, anything he could produce would have to be fabricated," Olivia said.

"That's what I thought," Fin said. They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Fin spoke again. "Well, I should go. I promised Mama I wouldn't be out too late, and well…you know how she is." Olivia nodded and stood up as he did. Instead of heading for the front door, he crossed the room to the windows, where he gave them a few quick jerks and ran his hand over the top.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked. He smiled.

"Just checking," he said sheepishly. Olivia's disapproval was apparent. She couldn't believe that he was checking the locks, as if she would be foolish enough to leave her home completely defenseless. "I'll sleep better tonight knowing that I checked," he added. Her face softened. That, she could relate to. He was almost to the door before he turned back to her.

"Liv…before I go…could I maybe…check in on Tina? Just for a minute?" he asked. Olivia smiled.

"Of course," she answered, turning towards the master bedroom. She opened the door and studied his face as he looked at his sleeping toddler. He was mesmerized, almost as if he was gazing on the face of God himself. He slowly walked towards the bed, careful not to wake her and gently stroked the top of her head.

"She looks so peaceful," he whispered.

"She's doing fine. I don't even think she remembers it anymore," Olivia whispered back. Fin kissed Tina's temple and crossed the room in the same manner he had done in the living room. He carefully inspected each of the windows until he was satisfied they were secure. Together they slipped out of the room quietly, and when they reached Tina's bedroom, he pointed at the door, wordlessly asking the question. Olivia gave a quick nod, and he opened the door and repeated his action on the two windows in her room.

"Where's your gun?" he asked as he pulled the door closed behind him.

"In my nightstand, locked in the safe where it always is," she said. Fin shook his head in disapproval.

"Maybe you should take it out at night. I mean, the lock on that thing takes forever to open. If someone broke in here, I don't want something to happen to you because you're too busy fiddling with that safe," he said. Olivia shook her head slowly.

"Not with Tina in the house. I don't want her to pick it up and kill me or herself because she decides to play with it," Olivia said. Fin nodded slightly. She had a point. Still, he hated that she was armed, but the weapon was difficult to get to. "Besides, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself," she added. Fin smiled.

"I know you can," he said. By that point they had reached the front door. He pulled it open, but he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with them, love them, and protect them. But he had promised Liv he would leave. He had promised.

"Lock this door when I leave," he said, pointing to the heavy front door. "Deadbolt and chain, not just the knob, understand?" Olivia rolled her eyes, but there was still a smile on her face.

"We'll be fine," she said again.

"Ok," he said, hesitating. He really didn't want to leave. There was still one more thing he had to get off his chest.

"Thank you," he said, turning back to Olivia. "For…everything."

"You're welcome," she answered.

"I still care about you, you know," he reminded her. Olivia smiled again.

"I know. But this doesn't change anything. I still meant what I said the other night," she reminded him.

"I know, but maybe…it's a start," he said. She quickly averted her gaze, closing the door behind him. He waited in the quiet hallway, listening for the telltale click of the deadbolt and the jingle of the chain as she slid it into place. At least, they were safe tonight.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

David Haden sat in his apartment, alone, nursing a scotch on the rocks. He had loosened his tie the moment he walked in the door, pulling open the top button of his shirt, and cursed the world for this ironic twist it had thrown him. Normally, when he left the office, he left his cases behind, but today was different. His work had followed him home, haunting him, teasing at him, playing over and over in his mind relentlessly.

Olivia Benson.

When he had been briefed on the case by the field agents, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure, he had tried more violent crimes, more heinous criminals, and seen worse crime scene photos. But this was Olivia. Olivia, her husband, and her young daughter. He couldn't imagine watching his ex-wife endure what Olivia had while either one of his children looked on. It was just too much.

But this was still Olivia. From the moment he first laid eyes back when he worked for the Manhattan DA's office, he had been infatuated with her. The way her caramel hair tumbled over her shoulders, the way her warm chocolate eyes sparkled, and the way her face lit up when she smiled drove him insane. He loved that smile, though he quickly learned that she rarely smiled. And so he had tried to make her smile. He had tried so hard…

_**Two Years Ago…**_

_It was a difficult case involved a potential military cover-up of a brutal gang rape by contract workers in a war zone. The DA had handed him this case personally. Though he couldn't remember the exact details of the case now, he remembered her. _

_After a briefing with her captain over some detail of the case, something else he couldn't remember now, he had heard her sigh wearily. She rubbed her forehead and squeezed her eyes closed as if she was trying to ward off a headache._

"_You ok?" he asked. He still didn't know her well, even though they had discussed the case over countless cups of coffee. All he knew was that when she was working a case, she had a one-track mind. Anything and everything always tied back to that one case._

"_Yeah," she answered in her usual form. She never gave anymore information that she was asked. But her body language was a different story. While it was a difficult case, it should be affecting her like this._

"_You sure? You seem…stressed," he said._

"_I'll be all right. I just have a lot going on," she answered, vague again. And suddenly, he had an idea._

"_You look like you could relax a little. How about dinner? My treat," he said._

"_David, I…" she started._

"_Before you say no, think about it. We don't have to talk about the case or anything else that might be going on with you," he suggested. She didn't respond immediately. She mulled his question over in her mind. What he didn't know at that time, but later would find out, was that she had just come back from a leave of absence. Physically, she was fine, but emotionally, she was still trying to cope with some issues. And then she had flashed that smile. That beautiful smile that he just couldn't seem to get enough of._

"_I'd like that. Let me just tie up a few things here, and we can go," she said. She started to leave, then turned back. "If you don't mind waiting for about twenty minutes…" If she had known what was going on in his head, she would have realized that he would have waited all night for her. Instead he smiled._

"_Of course not. The interview room is empty. I'll just go write up some notes, and whenever you're finished, we'll go. Take your time," he said. Again, he was rewarded with a genuine smile. She bustled around the squad room, handing off urgent matters to the next shift, tidying up paperwork that couldn't wait until morning, and returning urgent phone calls. Half an hour later, she appeared in the doorway of the interview room, wrapped in a soft, black, full length winter coat with her purse slung over her shoulder._

"_Is that invitation for dinner still good?" she asked. He swallowed hard. She was actually taking him up on his offer. Somehow, he had expected her to slip out without telling him and make some excuse for running out in the morning._

"_Absolutely," he said, stuffing his own files into his briefcase. He quickly grabbed his coat and briefcase and headed out with her. He was a perfect gentleman, holding doors for her, walking on the outside of the sidewalk closest to traffic, just as his mother had taught him to do. _

"_So, what's your story? How did you wind up here?" he asked, once they were settled and sipping a glass of mediocre red wine._

"_Nothing terribly exciting or dramatic. I joined the NYPD in my early twenties, caught a lucky break, and volunteered for SVU when I made detective. And I've been there ever since," she answered. That wasn't quite what David had wanted to hear. He wanted to know about _her_, not the detective. But he was quickly learning that she never brought her personal life into professional relationships._

"_SVU is a tough place to be. Any particular reason why you volunteered for a job most guys avoid like the plague?" he asked. Her eyes darted around as she thought for a moment. There was more to her than she was letting on. Enough years as an attorney, and he could tell when anyone, even a cop, was avoiding something._

"_Back then, there weren't a lot of female detectives," she explained. "There were some, and more and more women were getting their gold shields, but we were still a minority. SVU approached me specifically because they were looking for more women. Rape victims are typically female, and a lot of them feel more comfortable talking to another woman." The conversation drifted a bit, but little by little, she relaxed. The conversation never strayed far from the work angle, though, but he felt like he was making some sort of progress when she opened up to her impressions about him._

"_I have to admit, we were not sure about you at first," she said with a smirk. That was the understatement of the century. For the past several days, every time he turned around she was glaring at him or shooting him an evil look. At times, he wouldn't have been surprised if laser beams had shot out of her eyes and vaporized him on the spot. But now, she was smiling and happy, so she seemed to have gotten over it. _

"_You can trust me; I'm an attorney," he said, lightening the mood a touch. She chuckled, sharing in the humor of his statement._

" _Little secret, I can be a little testy when I work with new people," she confessed. If the past week had been her definition of "testy," he was pretty sure he didn't want to see what she was like when she truly didn't like someone. He suspected that she was the type whose loyalty was hard to earn, but once she gave it away, the bond was virtually unbreakable._

"_I can somewhat testy around my kids," he said, trying to steer the conversation away from work._

"_You have kids?" she asked, suddenly curious._

"_Boy and a girl. They live with my ex-wife in Cabo Hill. You?" _There we go,_ he thought. Finally, a chance to turn the conversation towards Olivia Benson, the woman._

"_Me, uh, I'm just getting over something," she said. She refused to elaborate. He later found out that she had just had her second miscarriage, but at the time, she didn't reveal that information. She also didn't reveal the fact that she had a husband and daughter, once again, keeping the details of her personal life close to her heart. In hindsight, he realized her heart must have been shattered, now that he knew the loss of that child had nearly destroyed her marriage when Fin started drinking, and he didn't find out about Tina until much later. Olivia made enough enemies on the job that she rarely spoke of Tina to people she didn't know well in order to protect her._

"_Isn't everyone," he replied, off-the-cuff. Fine, if she didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to force her. This was an outing between friends, or maybe it was a date (dare he hope?), not an interrogation. "Can you stay for another round?" he asked, not wanting the night with her to end._

"_You know, um, why don't we call it a night? You need a clear head in front of that grand jury tomorrow," she replied. She needed to get home to her husband and child. Lately, Fin's mood seemed to be related to how late she came home. The later it was, the worse off he was._

"_Raincheck?" he asked. She desperately needed a friend. Talking to Fin was like walking on eggshells, so even though he was usually the man she turned to when she needed to talk, he wasn't there. And yet, she suspected it was temporary. He was grieving the loss of their child, too, and eventually it would turn around. But for now, what was the harm? Talking to Elliot was complicated, given his own friendship with Fin. This was something she could keep to herself, something she didn't have to share._

"_I'd like that," she replied. She was attracted to him, too, or at least that was what he thought. She had smiled and laughed and listened all through dinner. Her focus was on him, not drifting away to other distractions in the busy restaurant._

_And so, after dinner, they stood in the chilly winter air for longer than necessary. He had wanted to kiss her all night. As he waited for a cab to drive by to send her home, his heart pounded in his chest. If he was going to do this, it had to be now. Time had seemed to stop, even though pedestrians were rushing around them, and her eyes twinkled in city lights. He brought his hand to her cheek, stroking it softly with his thumb. She didn't resist; she didn't pull away. He could do this. He could kiss this beautiful goddess in front of him._

_Gradually, he tilted his head to the side, bringing his lips closer to hers. He brushed her lips carefully before pulling her into a searing kiss. His heart soared when he felt her respond. Her body moved closer to his, and her arms wrapped around his neck. She moaned very softly, so softly that had his senses not been completely focused on her, he might have missed it. _

_And then she pulled back._

"_I'm married…" she whispered with her eyes still closed._

"_What?" he asked. Then she opened them. Her arms dropped back to her sides, and she stuffed her hands into her pockets quickly._

"_I'm married," she said a little louder, now that her head had cleared._

"_Olivia…I'm…I'm sorry…I didn't…" David stammered._

"_It's ok. But this," she said, gesturing to the two of them. "This can't happen again."_

"_I just thought…I didn't notice a ring," he said. Olivia nodded, understanding where the miscommunication had occurred._

"_I don't wear it when I'm at work, in case it gets caught on something," she explained. Of course. He should have known that. Many cops didn't wear rings on the job, for that very reason. In fact, the NYPD discouraged it._

"_I'm so sorry, Olivia. I swear, it won't happen again," he said. She waved him away._

"_Don't worry about it. You're a nice guy, David, and this has absolutely no bearing on our friendship," she had told him._

But it mattered to him. He had worked a few more cases with her after that, but only until he could find a position away from the Manhattan DA's office, and away from her.

So, what cruel twist of fate made her walk into his life again this morning? He felt her defenses go up the more they talked, and it bothered him. He had worked so hard, dancing around delicately, proving himself to her over and over again before she finally trusted him, and it just felt like he went right back to square one. He pulled out his phone – why did he still have her number saved? – and held his finger over the call button. Earlier, he had been a prosecutor talking to a victim. Now, he just wanted to know if his friend was ok.

The scotch did its job, lowering his inhibitions enough that his better judgment was impaired. He should have put the phone down. He should have left her in the past where she belonged. He should have just been her attorney. Instead, he pushed "Send."

When the phone rang the first time, his heart started pounding. He had no idea what he was going to say to her when she actually picked up the phone – if she actually picked up the phone.

By the second ring, his palms were sweating. Was this her cell or her home number? He didn't even know anymore. What if her husband picked up instead?

By the third ring, he was wondering what on earth he was going to say if Fin picked up the phone. Oh, hi, I have a major crush on your wife, and I just wanted to see how she was doing? That was certain not to go over well. Maybe it would go to voicemail. Yes, if it went to voicemail, he could handle it.

The fourth ring had just started, but it never had a chance to finish.

"_Hello?"_ she answered. Home number. Crap. How on earth had he managed to get that one?

"Hey, Liv, it's David," he said, trying not to sound like a lovestruck teenager.

"_What…Tina, how many times have I told you to brush your teeth? Go!...I'm sorry...David?" _She seemed distracted. He glanced at the clock. With a small child, of course. She was trying to put her daughter to bed.

"Yeah, sorry about the timing. Sounds like you have your hands full over there," he said.

"_What? Oh, no, you're fine. It's like this every…Tina! If I have to tell you again, Oz goes in my room!" _He was starting to feel terribly guilty now. _"Are you calling about the case? I thought we went through everything this morning."_

"I…no…yes. I'm not making very much sense, am I?" he said with a chuckle. He tried again. "I was calling because I wanted to see how you were holding up."

"_I'm…ok,"_ she said.

"And Tina? How is she doing?" he asked.

"_I don't know. Some days it seems like she doesn't remember much, but other times…I wonder,"_ she said.

"And…Fin?" he asked. He was holding his breath, and he wasn't sure why. Then again, he just asked about the husband of the woman he was lusting after.

"_Fin…Fin and I have a lot to work through,"_ she told him. And typical Olivia, she didn't elaborate on that statement.

"Well, I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm still the same guy you knew two years ago, and if you ever need someone to talk to, well, I've been told I'm a great listener," he said. There. It was out there. Now it was up to her to come to him.

"_I remember. We talked a lot back then. I'm not sure my marriage would have survived without our coffee breaks," _she said. He could almost hear her smiling through the handset. And, he wanted to kick himself. His presence had driven her straight back to her husband. Then again, if that was the man she loved, then he didn't want to be the one to stand in her way. _"Listen, David…can I ask you something?"_

"Anything," he replied.

"_When you and your wife…separated…whose idea was it? Yours or hers?"_ Olivia asked. David's brow furrowed. Why was she asking about his divorce? Where was she with Fin?

"Mine," he told her, not volunteering any more information. If she could be secretive, so could he.

"_Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake?"_ she asked.

"Olivia, did something happen with you and Fin?" he asked. Now he had to know. Granted, she was a rape victim, and she couldn't have been separated for very long, but he had to know if her marriage was still intact, or if she was still forbidden fruit. He heard her sigh.

"_It's a long story,"_ she said. And now, she had given him an opening.

"Can you get away for a cup of coffee?" he asked. "Sounds like you could use a friend." Once again, he could almost hear her smile through the phone.

"_I'd love to. How about Saturday?"_ she asked.

XxXxX

"Tina! Breakfast!" Olivia called out the next morning as she laid out a plate of French toast on the table. She hoped Tina wouldn't notice that it wasn't "Daddy's French toast," but she knew her daughter was far too perceptive to be able to pull off a stunt like that. Tina raced into the dining area and stopped short as soon as she saw what was on the menu.

"Where's Daddy?" she asked.

"Daddy isn't home. It's just you and me, kiddo. Now, come sit down," Olivia told her. Tina crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.

"No," she pouted. "I want Daddy."

"Come over here, and we can talk about Daddy," Olivia said. She hadn't planned on having this conversation now, but she also knew that she had been putting this off for far too long.

"I want him here," Tina said, still holding her ground.

"I know you do, but we have to talk. Sit down," Olivia said, pointing to Tina's chair and taking an authoritative tone with her. Tina didn't reply, but she also didn't move. "One…Two…" At "two," Tina realized that Olivia meant business and, dragging her feet, climbed up into the chair.

"Where's Daddy?" she asked, softly, suddenly afraid that Olivia was going to tell her she would never see him again.

"Tina, sometimes mommies and daddies have a lot of problems, and they don't get along very well," Olivia said gently. Damn, this was hard, harder than she expected it would be. Still, she was determined to make sure that Fin remained Tina's hero. "And, when that happens, sometimes it's better for them to live apart."

"Ok, but you and Daddy get along," Tina said. She wanted to make her mother happy because she knew that tone of voice. That was the tone Olivia used whenever something bad happened. So, she did the only thing she could think of and started eating the French toast Olivia had made for her.

"Actually, Mommy and Daddy have had a hard time getting along. But, Tina, that doesn't mean we love you any less, or that any of this is your fault," Olivia said.

"Huh?" Tina replied, thoroughly confused.

"Daddy and I thought it might be better for everyone if we didn't live together anymore," Olivia said. There. It was out there. And as Tina's eyes widened, she knew Tina had finally understood what she was trying to say.

"Daddy's…gone?" Tina asked.

"He's living with Nana for now, but he still loves you very, very much," Olivia said. Tina put down the French toast stick in her hand and slid out of the chair.

"Tina," Olivia called after her, but to no avail. Tina ran straight to her room, and Olivia followed. When Olivia got there, she found Tina putting her blankie and storybooks in her backpack.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Going to live at Nana's," Tina answered as if Olivia had asked an absurd question. Olivia calmly pulled the backpack away with one hand and wrapped her other arm around Tina. Sitting on the floor, she pulled Tina into her arms.

"No, Baby. We're not going to Nana's. Just Daddy. We're going to stay here, like we always have," Olivia said.

"Daddy's not coming home?" Tina asked.

"You'll still see him, just not every day. Daddy and I will make sure that you get to see him, because we both love you so much," Olivia told her. Olivia saw a tear slide down Tina's cheek.

"I want Daddy…" she cried again.

"Oh, I know, Baby, I know," Olivia said, holding Tina close to her and rubbing her back as her child cried inconsolably.

XxXxX

"Lemme get this straight. You expect me to believe that you were home, alone, all night two nights ago?" Fin asked his suspect, a well-built pale kid who couldn't have been any older than twenty-one, as he leaned low over the table in the interrogation room. Meanwhile, Cragen and Elliot were watching the scene unfold from behind the one way glass.

"Yup," the kid said with a sly smirk, leaning back farther in the chair.

"Ok, if you were home, alone, then how did your semen get into Lisa Simmons' body?" he asked. He was resisting the urge to kill this kid on the spot. He and Elliot had caught the case two days ago. A child had phoned 911 – a three-year-old girl – because her mommy wouldn't wake up. When Fin and Elliot arrived on the scene, they discovered the raped and mutilated body of Lisa Simmons, and sitting in front of Fin now was Marco Ravini, a punk who had been popped multiple times for breaking and entering and petty left, but it seemed Mr. Ravini had escalated into rape and murder.

"Maybe because I banged her?" Ravini said with a snide tone.

"You mean you raped her," Fin countered. Ravini shrugged.

"I don't know. I get a lotta pussy. It's not like I remember all of their names, but I ain't never raped anyone. Wanna know why, Detective?" he said, punctuating each syllable in the last work. Fin stood up, crossed his arms and scowled at Ravini. "Because those hot little mamas just throw themselves at me." Suddenly, the faces of Olivia and Tina replaced those of Lisa and her daughter in his mind's eye. It was Olivia's body he saw mutilated and Tina's cries he heard on the 911 tape. He reached out, sent the table crashing into the wall and before he knew it, Ravini's throat was in his hand as he pressed Ravini's body against the cement wall.

"You think they were asking for it? Huh!?" he screamed. And then hands were on him, pulling him away. But he had to kill Ravini. There was no other way to stop him. He had to…

"Fin!" a familiar voice yelled. He was being dragged off Ravini. Cragen was leaning over Ravini, checking him for signs of distress. Why was Cragen helping him? Ravini deserved to die for what he did.

And then he was in the hallway.

"What the hell was that?" Elliot asked. Fin started pacing just to get rid of the nervous energy building in every fiber of his being.

"I'm sorry," Fin said unconvincingly. Elliot took a deep breath.

"Look, we all run into cases that hit a little closer to home than most. No one would blame you if you sat this one out," Elliot said sympathetically.

"You sayin' I can't handle this?" Fin asked.

"No. What I'm saying is that sometimes we all need to take a step back. There isn't a detective here who hasn't run into a case that was too much," Elliot said. Fin continued to fume silently. "Look, DNA is gonna close this. Go home. Spend some time with Liv and Tina." And with that Fin turned and put his fist through the flimsy drywall.

"Whoa!" Elliot said, holding Fin's fist back, preventing him from striking again. "No one is questioning your abilities. You're a hell of a detective, but right now, you should be with your family. Trust me on this. I ran home and hugged my kids more than once on this job."

"Back off, Stabler!" Fin warned.

"I can't let you back in there with Ravini. Seriously, the best thing you can do is go home and hug your wife and kid," Elliot said.

"I would, if I still had a wife and kid to go home to," Fin said, shaking Elliot off of him and storming towards the bullpen. Elliot's jaw dropped as he processed what Fin had just told him before he turned and chased after him.

"What do you mean? What happened to Liv and Tina?" he asked, slightly panicked.

"They're fine. I don't wanna talk about it," Fin said, sliding in his chair and picking up a pen.

"But…you just said…" Elliot started.

"She kicked me out, ok?" Fin said, irritated. Elliot sank into the chair next to Fin's desk.

"She…what? Where are you staying?" he asked.

"With my mother. Now, will you just drop it?" Fin said. Still Elliot pressed on.

"Has she seen a lawyer yet?" he asked. Fin threw the pen down on top of the paperwork. Clearly, Elliot wasn't going to let this go.

"I just want her to be happy. If this is what she thinks she needs, then so be it. But, I worry about them in that apartment – alone. She doesn't have anyone to protect her," he said.

"Well, last time I checked, she could take us both down," Elliot said, smirking. A scowl from Fin was all it took to wipe the smirk away. "But I get it. I have to admit, before she got married, I used to worry about her alone, too. Hang on a second…I think I saw something…" Elliot rifled through a stack of papers on his own desk. "Here it is. Maybe you should give them a call," Elliot said, handing a single sheet of paper to Fin. Fin looked it over. Short of Fin himself moving back home, this was the next best solution.

XxXxX

"Hey, Liv, thanks for coming down," Elliot said, getting up from his desk to greet his old partner. Tina shrunk behind Olivia's leg, trying to shield herself from the usual hustle and bustle of the squadroom.

"So, what was so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone? It's not about Colin, is it?" she asked.

"No, nothing like that. It's just…well, some of us were a bit concerned about you and Tina being alone," he said. Olivia opened her mouth, ready to tell him she was still NYPD and that she could take care of herself, but he cut her off. "Now, I know you're perfectly capable of handling yourself, but we've had someone volunteer to be your bodyguard, so to speak."

"Fin put you up to this, didn't he?" Olivia accused.

"He's concerned, yes, but he isn't the only one. Liv, we just want to make sure that you're safe. Both of you," he said.

"I don't need a baby-sitter, El," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Elliot sighed.

"Will you at least meet her? She did come all the way down here," he asked. Olivia licked her lips and set her jaw. She hated when they pulled this sort of crap on her.

"Fine. I will meet her, but there's no way I'll consent to a body guard," Olivia said.

"I think you might like this one," he said, as he started walking towards the children's interview room. "She's recently retired, but still in good shape. She's spent her entire NYPD career over in homicide, and she's not afraid to do whatever needs to be done. Ah, here we are," Elliot said, opening the door. Olivia was expecting to see a woman roughly her own age behind the door. Instead, she saw Munch petting a German shepherd sporting and NYPD K9 uniform.

"Ohhhh…" she gasped.

"Puppy!" Tina exclaimed when she saw the dog.

"Tina, don't!" warned Olivia as Tina sprinted towards the dog that was almost twice her size, narrowly missing Olivia as she reached out to pull Tina back.

"It's ok, Liv. Her name's Cindy, and she's almost 6 years old. She's spent the last 5 years helping Homicide find missing people," he explained. Olivia was listening to every word he spoke, but her eyes remained glued on her daughter and the dog. Tina was climbing all over Cindy, who looked as if she's rather be anywhere but in this room. However, she was making absolutely no move to injure Tina or even fend her off. "Still remember your basic K9 training?" Elliot asked. Olivia ignored the question.

"How did you…?" Olivia began.

"NYPD has a program for the dogs. It's new, which is why we you aren't familiar with it. Instead of adopting out our retired police dogs, they've decided to start placing them with victims of violent crimes, especially those who live alone. She has all of the training of a police dog, but she's put in her time. I guarantee she will protect both you and Tina, even at the expense of her own life," Elliot explained.

"Elliot, this is sweet, but we can't have a dog in the house. Our lease forbids it," she objected again.

"That's where your wrong, Liv. She isn't a house pet. She's been recertified as a service animal, and a landlord has to make exceptions for service animals," Elliot explained again. "I have all of the paperwork at my desk."

"I don't know, Elliot…" Olivia began. She was still watching Tina who was learning how to make Cindy do tricks from Munch. Tina giggled and Cindy licked at her affectionately.

"Wait…just wait," he said, moving towards Tina, Cindy, and Munch. He bent down and whispered something in Tina's ear. Tina slipped off her shoes and sprinted out into the bullpen.

"Tina!" Olivia called.

"It's ok, Liv. I told her to go. Now, watch," Elliot said. Olivia had started to take off after Tina, but Munch gently held her back. Olivia's heart was pounding a mile a minute. Elliot picked up one of Tina's shoes and held it out to Cindy. "Find Tina, Cindy," he said. Cindy sniffed the shoe, turned her nose to the ground and barreled off in the same direction Tina went.

"Let's go," Munch said, as he and Olivia both followed Cindy. Cindy moved through the bullpen, ignoring everything around her and focusing only on following her nose. She worked her way over to Olivia's old desk, sniffed underneath, sat down and gave a soft bark, looking back at Elliot. Olivia walked over and saw Tina hiding underneath her desk, giggling.

"Ok, Tina, come on, let's go back," Munch said, after he slid Tina's shoes back on her feet. When they returned to the interview room, Cindy sidled over to Tina, licked her face, and laid down in front of her.

"Mommy, can we keep her?" Tina asked, sporting the biggest grin Olivia had seen on Tina in a while.

"Yeah, Mommy, can you keep her?" Munch asked, scratching Cindy's ears.

"Just try it, Liv," Elliot said gently. "Take her for a month. If it doesn't work out, we can find a different home for her." Olivia opened her mouth to object again, but her daughter was just far too fond of Cindy.

"Elliot, no…" she said again. And then Elliot said something she never expected to hear.

"It would mean a lot to Fin. He's the one who set this up," Elliot said softly, but seriously. They locked eyes for a moment. There were parts of Olivia that ached for his presence again, but she knew that it just wouldn't work out. Not as long as she was still having flashbacks. She felt like she had taken so much from him already, and if giving a retired police dog a home would make him feel better, then maybe she owed him that. The corner of Olivia's mouth twisted into a half smile.

"Well, she is awfully cute…" Olivia mused.

"So we can keep her?" Tina asked.

"All right, you win…both of you," Olivia said, holding up her hands in mock surrender. "We can keep the dog."


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

As Saturday morning drew closer, Olivia felt a sense of dread overwhelming her. At night she lay in bed, listening to the pounding of her heart inside her chest, a sound so deafening, it prevented her from sleep. Not that she could if she wanted to. Her anxiety reached a level where it was physically painful to remain still. She didn't want to go to sleep each night, because that would bring her one day closer to the very thing she was dreading.

Her rational mind knew that Tina was completely safe with Fin. Not only was he willing to die before letting anything happen to Tina, but he had the training and the resources to carry through on it, should the need ever rise. Fin was also the only person in the world who loved Tina as much as she did, and love was a powerful motivator that caused people to do things they wouldn't normally do. So yes, Tina would be absolutely safe with Fin. But her heart…damn, her heart was betraying her more and more these days…her heart couldn't let go of sounds of Tina's wails that echoed deep in the recesses of her mind, or the fear that if Tina left her sight for a second, she might never return. It was fear. Plain and simple. She had tried everything she could think of to alleviate it…yoga, meditation, aromatherapy, individual therapy, group therapy, hypnosis…none of it helped. The idea of turning Tina over to Fin, even for just a few hours, was making her physically nauseous.

But she knew she had to do it. If not for her own sake, then for Tina's.

Olivia sighed into the darkness. It was Saturday morning, and the clock on the bedside table read 3:53. Next to her Tina was curled into her customary position, clutching Olivia's shirt with her left hand and sucking on her right thumb. And then there was Cindy. Every night, Olivia shooed Cindy off the bed, and every morning, she found Cindy curled up at Tina's feet. This morning, she was too tired to shoo Cindy away, so she would let her be.

Tina was so peaceful in her sleep. As her hair grew back, regaining its thickness and length, it became easier and easier to imagine that Tina may never remember any of her experiences. Olivia vowed that, if that small miracle should come to pass, she would never tell Tina about those three days.

Her mind wandered back two years, to when she met David Haden. His phone call a few nights ago had caught her off guard, and yet, it was almost as if time didn't matter for them. She had agreed to coffee almost immediately. After her second miscarriage, his friendship had been what pulled her through. To this day, she still felt guilty that he had thought dinner was a date when she had just wanted to spend a few more hours in the company of someone she wouldn't have to fight. But, he had taken it in stride. They had shared hours in tiny coffee shops all over the city. Somewhere along the way, she had lost track of him. His phone calls became less and less frequent until finally they had stopped altogether.

But that one, brief kiss they had shared had been incredible. It was fresh and new and exciting…and totally different from her husband. She finally admitted to herself that she had enjoyed it, but she had also vowed it would never happen again. She couldn't, and wouldn't, cheat on Fin. It was simply a case of miscommunication that meant nothing. Still, she never told Fin about it because that would only have added more strain to their already precarious relationship. Perhaps it was fate that brought him back into her life now, when her personal life had gone to hell again.

She must have dozed off because the next thing she was aware of was sunlight streaming into the room and Tina shifting beside her. Cindy bolted upright, hovering over Tina, licking her face as she woke.

"Cindy!" Olivia scolded. Immediately, Cindy jumped off the bed and sat in front of the door, waiting for Olivia and Tina to climb out of bed. Tina stretched and yawned.

"Mommy? Is it Saturday yet?" she asked, as she had every day since Olivia told her Fin was coming over on Saturday.

"Yes it is," Olivia said with a smile.

"Daddy's coming!" Tina exclaimed as a smile flew across her face and her eyes sparkled.

"That's right, he is! But before Daddy comes, you have to get dressed, brush your teeth, and eat breakfast," Olivia said. No sooner had the words left her mouth and Tina was scurrying off towards her own bedroom.

"C'mon, Cindy!" Tina called on her way out. Dutifully the dog followed behind Tina. Olivia rubbed her face, wanting to cry but knowing she shouldn't. There were things that had to be done, and as much as she absolutely hated it, she would have to turn Tina over to Fin for the day.

The hours flew by, and before she knew it, mid-morning had arrived along with a knock on her front door. Cindy immediately pulled herself away from Tina and started barking at the front door.

"Cindy, hush!" Olivia said firmly. Cindy quieted, but kept her nose pressed against the crack in the door, anticipating Olivia opening it.

"Hey, Liv," Fin said. Cindy growled at him, clearly sensing Olivia's heightened anxiousness at Fin's arrival. Fin leaned in to kiss Olivia's cheek, but stopped as Cindy gave a sharp bark in warning. "I see the dog situation is working out." Olivia stepped back and let him into the apartment while Cindy refused to tear her eyes away from the new person in "her" domain.

"Yeah, she's been great. Maybe a bit overcautious, but that's not necessarily a bad thing in a guard dog," Olivia said.

"Mommy, is that….DADDY!" Tina exclaimed, running towards him immediately. Olivia had her dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, but one sock and sneaker was suspiciously missing from her right foot.

"Hey, Princess! How's my favorite girl?" Fin asked, scooping her up. Tina was positively giddy with excitement.

"Let's play Barbies," Tina said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I have a better idea," Fin said. "How would you like to go to the zoo?" Tina's eyes lit up.

"Can we get ice cream?" Tina asked. Fin pretended to think about her request.

"I think we can manage some ice cream," he said. "But we can't go anywhere until you have socks and shoes on BOTH of your feet. Go on, go find them, and then we'll go," he added, setting her on the floor. She raced back into her bedroom, and when Fin looked up, he noticed the definite scowl on Olivia's face.

"What did I do this time?" he sighed. He was so tired of her judgments and her paranoia.

"The _zoo_? Really, Fin? Do I have to explain to you why this is a bad idea?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Fin took a deep breath to keep himself from exploding.

"Olivia, she's my daughter, too. Lots of people take their children to the zoo every day. Nothing is going to happen to her there," he said.

"Nothing's going to happen? What if someone snatches her? What if she wanders away from you and…I don't know…finds her way into the lion cage?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not having this fight with you. I'm taking her to the zoo, and I will have her back here promptly at 6:30 for dinner, just like I promised," he said. Olivia opened her mouth to argue again, but he cut her off. "Tina!" he called. "Are you ready yet?"

"Wait, Fin, please…please don't do this. Look, this is hard enough for me to let her go," Olivia begged. Fin clenched his jaw. Olivia knew he was angry with her, but she didn't care. In her mind, he was taking her daughter somewhere dangerous, and she was going to put up a hell of a fight to prevent it.

"Olivia, no. Just because you can't seem to pull yourself together enough to go out in public doesn't mean that Tina should suffer right next to you," he said firmly. She opened her mouth to protest again. "Stop. This is happening. So, break something, or call your shrink, or whatever you need to do, but I'm taking my daughter on a very normal trip to the zoo." At that exact moment, Tina reappeared having found her missing sock and shoe.

"Let's go, Daddy!" she said, dragging him towards the door. She noticed Olivia wasn't moving, so she stopped. "Is Mommy coming too?" she asked Fin.

"No, Baby. This is a special day with just Daddy," he said, shooting a look back at Olivia. He was almost out the door with Tina.

"6:30!" Olivia yelled as he pulled the door closed. Fin rolled his eyes and resolved to put the argument behind him. He wanted to focus only on his daughter today and forget about all of his issues with Olivia for the moment.

XxXxX

"Daddy, when are you coming home?" Tina asked Fin as she snuggled up next to him on a bench at the zoo, one hand clenching the half melted Chocolate ice cream cone while the other fisted around his shirt.

Fin sighed as he ran a hand over his face as he watched another couple with a child around Tina's age, an all white family, stroll around happily on the sidewalk.

He looked down at Tina who peered up at him with inquisitive eyes. "I don't know, Baby," he answered truthfully. "Mommy and I have a lot of things going on right now and I don't… I don't know if I'll ever get to come home."

Tina, not really expecting a different answer than what Olivia had given her, simply frowned and snuggled up closer to him. "I miss you a lot, Daddy."

"I miss you too, Baby." Fin kissed the top of Tina's head, whose hair was long enough to put in braids by Tianna, but Olivia, who could barely manage not making Tina's hair look like something out of the Roots series, had simply gathered what little hair Tina had grown back and put it into two pigtails, which really looked like two giant balls of hair on top of Tina's head.

Fin couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the first time Olivia had to actually brush out Tina's hair. He had been at work and had come home to a screaming Tina in tears while Olivia, who also had tears running down her face because of how bad she seemed to be hurting Tina, was trying in vain to pull a regular baby brush through Tina's hair.

Fin explained to her that while it was a lot softer than the rest of his family's hair, it still needed special products and equipment to manage it. While Olivia point blank refused any chemicals in Tina's hair short of baby shampoo until Tina was old enough to decide for herself rather she wanted treated hair or not, she had listened to him about the special equipment.

"Daddy," Tina said again, breaking him of his memories.

"Yeah, Baby?"

Tina hesitated for a long while before she spoke. "Why did the bad guys pick us to be mean to?"

Fin felt his stomach turn into concrete. He had not been expecting that kind of a question…

He wanted to be truthful but how the hell was he going to explain it to a four year old that they had

been targeted simply for the color of their skin?

Fin took a deep breath before he nodded to Tina's ice crème come. "Tina… you know how you say that

you, me and Nana are 'chocolate color' while Mommy is 'vanilla color'?"

Tina nodded and Fin took another breath before he spoke again. "Well the bad men… they don't… they

don't like the fact that someone who's vanilla color married someone who's chocolate color.

"Is that why Mommy's so sad all the time?" Tina asked. Fin stared into her big, innocent eyes that looked so much like Olivia's, and his heart broke.

"The bad guys were really, really mean to Mommy," Fin tried to explain. How on earth do you explain to your four-year-old daughter that her mother was brutally raped and nearly died?

"But they were really mean to us, too," Tina said, trying desperately to understand what had happened.

"I know, Baby," Fin said, giving his daughter a friendly squeeze. "But they did some very mean, grown up things to Mommy that you're not quite old enough to understand."

"But, you can fix it, right, Daddy? You can make Mommy happy again?" Tina asked. All it took was his daughter's plea to make him realize that fighting for Olivia was worth it. He wanted his family back, no matter what it took, and if he was really honest with himself, he would have admitted that he wanted Olivia right there with him, sitting on the other side of Tina.

XxXxX

"I hope I'm not too early," David said when Olivia opened the door. She had told him she would be ready around noon, but it was just barely past 11:30. Fin had left with Tina over an hour ago, and Olivia had been trying to keep herself busy until David showed up. She welcomed the distraction he would bring to her day.

"Not at all," Olivia said with a smile, noticing that Cindy had barely barked at David. "Actually, I could use the distraction."

"I thought you said you had a daughter…" David said, noticing the pile of toys in the living room, but the distinct lack of child-like noises.

"I do. She's with her father today," Olivia said with a flicker of fear on her face that David immediately noticed, but only because he couldn't divert his attention anywhere else.

"First time?" David asked knowingly. Olivia visibly relaxed in front of him.

"Yes. I mean, he's taken her to the park before, but never this long and not since we…" her voice began to betray her. She blinked a few times, swallowed the lump in her throat, and smiled back at him. "So, what are you in the mood for? Coffee? Cappuccino? Latte?"

"Look, not to overstep my bounds here, but I felt the same way when my ex, Lisa, took my kids for the first time. I was absolutely _sure_ she was going to skip town, and I'd never see them again," he said. Well, that was a scenario Olivia hadn't considered. She had considered kidnapping, but she never thought Fin would do that. All of a sudden, it was a fear she couldn't shake.

"How did you get through it?" she asked, trying to fight back her tears with every ounce of strength she had.

"By having good friends to lean on," David said. Her face was red with her obvious struggle against tears. "Hey…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He wanted to put his arms around her, but somehow that seemed awkward and inappropriate. And then, before either of them knew what was happening, she slipped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his chest, letting the tears overwhelm her. David wasn't quite sure what to do. He wanted to hold her and comfort her, but he didn't want to violate any of her boundaries. Hesitantly, he brought his arms around her, and sensing no refusal on her part, brought her into an embrace.

"I'm so sorry," she said after a few minutes, pulling back. "I shouldn't have lost it like that."

"It's ok," David said, and suddenly, he had an idea. "You don't still like those old classic movies, do you?" Olivia looked at him in shock.

"How did you know that?" she asked. David smiled.

"I don't remember. I just thought I remembered you telling me that at some point," he lied. The truth was, he remembered everything about that afternoon. It felt like every detail of his time with her was seared permanently in his memory. "There's a little theater near my apartment that plays mostly independent films, but they typically have a classic or two playing too. I noticed this morning that they were screening _Gone with the Wind _this weekend. You interested?" Olivia wasn't sure what to say.

"When?" she asked. David checked his watch.

"If we leave now, we can be there in time for the next showing," Olivia smiled slowly, considering his offer. "C'mon, Liv, three hours of Scarlett and Rhett? That's bound to keep your mind off Tina. What do you say?" He had such a cocky charm to him that she just couldn't seem to refuse.

"I say…let me grab my purse," she said.

_**Well, it's been a while, I know. My life all of a sudden became very hectic, and Bellatrix Wannbe89 and I had to have a little chat about where the Livid piece of this was going. Since this is the chapter where it really starts to matter, we wanted to make sure we set up the rest of the story correctly. At this point, plot decisions have been made, and I think we're ready to finish out this story (though we still have a ways to go). Hope you enjoyed it, and remember…this is an FO STORY!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

What began with an afternoon of Scarlett and Rhett turned into something of a regular occurrence with David and Liv. Every Saturday, Fin would dutifully pick Tina up promptly at 11:00am, and David would ring Olivia's doorbell at precisely 11:10. By the time he got there, Olivia was always near hysterics, but he dared not show up on her doorstep any earlier in case Fin was ever late. The sultry days of July and August turned to the crisp fall days of September before they knew it. But nothing could have prepared Fin for that first Saturday in September.

Fin had taken Tina to the park for a picnic lunch and an afternoon of play to take advantage of the weather before the weather took a bitter turn. Tina had happily gobbled her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chattering on about her new teacher and her old friends from school. Just before Fin could ask her if she was ready to try out the swings, she spotted an ice cream vendor across the street.

"Daddy! Can we get ice cream?" she asked, looking up at him with a set of puppy dog eyes he could never refuse.

"Sure," he said, scooping her up to walk her across the street. He paid for two chocolate cones, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Olivia. In public. She brought a paper coffee cup to her lips, but before she could take a sip, the corner of her mouth twisted upwards and she leaned back in laughter. He followed her line of sight, and his eyes landed on…no, it couldn't be. She wouldn't socialize with the prosecutor on her own case, would she? And yet, there she was, happier than he had seen her since before the attack. He swallowed hard.

"No! Daddy, fix it!" Tina wailed. Fin turned his attention back to his daughter who was now holding an empty cone and staring at a glob of chocolate ice cream on the sidewalk.

"Here, you can have Daddy's, ok?" Fin said, suddenly no longer in the mood for ice cream. Tina sniffled and took the second cone while Fin threw away the ruined cone. He tried desperately to make the most out of his time with his daughter, but his mind just wouldn't stay off Olivia and her male companion. Whatever it was, Olivia was most definitely alone when he returned with Tina just before dinner. That evening, when he was knocking on the door to his old apartment, he strained to listen for any sound that might be considered a date but instead all he heard were the sounds of Cindy barking at the door and the local six a clock news. Olivia undid the locks and greeted the two of them pleasantly.

"Hey, guys," she said with a smile and a sigh of relief that Fin had brought Tina back in one piece. "Did you have fun today?" Tina nodded with a beaming grin on her face.

"We went to the park and had a picnic and Daddy accidently ate some ants that was in his sandwich and he called the ants a lot of bad words and we got ice cream but I dropped mine so Daddy gave me his!" Olivia raised her brow at her daughter's admission and Fin merely shrugged as a response. "Well, it sounds like you guys had a lot of fun." Tina nodded then turned towards Fin.

"Daddy, do you wanna come in and play Oz? You can be Scarecrow," she offered with a hopeful grin.

"Some other time, Tina, but can you go play in your room for a minute? Daddy needs to talk to Mommy about something," said Fin as he looked at Olivia.

"Are you gonna ask her if you can move back in now?" Tina whispered. Fin chuckled. As much as both he and Tina wanted that, Olivia wasn't ready.

"We'll see," he said. That seemed to satisfy Tina because she scampered back into her room.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked once she heard the sounds of Tina's door shut. Her heart hammered inside her chest. She was absolutely sure he was going to ask for more time with Tina, or that he was going to ask her for custody. But, she was trying to hide her anxiety until she had a real reason to be afraid.

Fin shrugged as he walked in and Olivia closed the door behind him. "Nothing's going on. I was just wondering how things were going. With you, I mean," he said, not really sure what the best way was to bring this up.

"I'm fine," she answered. Fin nodded.

"Cool, cool. So, um... You coming back to work soon?" Olivia shrugged as a hot blush rose to her cheeks.

"I… uh, I don't really have any plans to go back any time soon."

"You know your disability won't last forever. Once our savings run out, that check isn't going to stretch as far as it used to." Olivia struggled not to show her irritation with his questions. This hadn't been the first time recently that he had brought up her working again.

"I realize that. I'm not ready yet, that's all."

"You have to go back sometime. One, you love the work, and two, we both knew when we moved here that we would need two incomes to afford it."

"I know, Fin!" Olivia barked. "I've also been NYPD for almost 23 years. I can retire and collect my full pension any time I want to, so money isn't really an issue here." Olivia turned and started to storm towards the kitchen when Fin's next words brought her to a screeching halt.

"So, would you be retiring because you're done working or because you want a relationship with David Haden?" Olivia froze in her spot, her mind whirling a million miles an minute as she struggled to think of something to say. Instead all she managed to get out was; "what do you mean?"

Fin scoffed as he walked over to her. "Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I know what's going on."

"You don't know anything."

"I know I saw the two of you getting pretty damn cozy in a coffee shop," Fin said, his voice just shy of yelling. Olivia's eyes widened and she took a step back.

"Excuse me?" she said, as soon as the shock wore off.

"You know damn well what I just said." Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest as Fin approached her.

"You were spying on me?"

"No, no…not spying. Tina and I were in the park across the street, and she wanted ice cream. You two were sitting in front of the window, and I saw you there," Fin confessed.

"We were just talking," said Olivia with a shrug.

"So, talk to me, Olivia," Fin pleaded. "Baby Girl, I care about you. More than anything. I want to know what's going on with you and Tina, and I want to be in your life. Just tell me why, Liv. Why can you talk to him and not to me?" Fin asked. Olivia could hear the pain in his voice, sense the betrayal he felt. She hadn't meant to that. All she had wanted to do was take care of herself the only way she knew how. But he was tired of dancing around her, giving her space and time. He had been perfectly willing to give her all of the time and space in the world, until he saw her with David Haden. She was _laughing_, and her hand had been braced against his thigh as she almost fell over in a fit of giggles. It was by no means a romantic gesture, but she seemed to have no problems touching, and yet, if Fin even grazed her, she jumped as if her skin had been burned.

"I don't want to talk about it," Olivia said, turning away from him.

"No. You don't get to do this anymore. After five years of marriage, the least you owe me is an explanation," he said, taking her by her upper arms and firmly, but gently, turning her to face him. She raised her hands to throw his arms off her, but he held his grip.

"Let me go, Fin," she warned, trying to bat him away. But he was resolute in his quest to hold her in place.

"I will. As soon as you answer the question," he said. His eyes burned with anger and hurt, and she started to panic. She could feel her stomach drop as the adrenaline surged through her veins.

"Dammit, Fin, let me go!" she cried. As the panic crept into her voice, and her movements became more frenzied, Cindy abandoned her post on the sofa. Her ears flattened, and she gave Fin a menacing growl, bearing her teeth.

Fin glanced sideways at a pissed off Cindy and released his grip on Olivia before the dog launched into a full on attack. As soon as he let go, Olivia jumped back, breathing hard. Cindy immediately planted herself between Fin and Olivia, sending a very clear message to Fin that he was not allowed near her owner again.

"You want to know why I talk to David? Fine. Because he never would have put his hands on me like that," she spat.

"I just want you to _talk_ to me. You've been shutting me out since this all started, and I'm sick of it. You say you still love me, but do you really?" he asked. His voice had risen to the point where he was almost yelling at her.

"I don't know!" she yelled back. Her exclamation seemed to trigger a bomb of silence as everything went still in the room. Brown eyes locked on brown. Anger turned to pain; rage to heartbreak.

"What?" Fin whispered in disbelief. Olivia's eyes searched his face before she answered as the realization of her own words registered.

"I don't know," she repeated, in a normal voice. Fin swallowed hard. The one hope he had clung to was that, deep down, she still loved him.

"Are you in love with him?" Fin asked. The instant the words left his mouth, he wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

"I don't know," she repeated. She couldn't face him anymore. All of her conflicted emotions had been safely locked inside her own head, and now they were spilled into the room. Her inner turmoil was now in a place where it could hurt the ones she cared about.

"Are you…dating him?" Fin asked. Another question that terrified him. Had he lost her already?

"No. We're just friends," Olivia told him. "That's _why_ I talk to him. It's the way he looks at me. There's no expectation, no disappointment, no way to hurt him. You look at me like I'm your entire world."

"You are," Fin said as his voice cracked. Olivia sighed.

"That's the problem. I feel like you constantly want more from me than I can give you. With David, it's strictly plutonic, and that somehow feels safe. I feel like I can make progress, like I'm not a failure," she said. Fin lowered himself into the upholstered chair, burying his head in his hands.

"We were so good together. What happened?" he asked. Olivia wasn't entirely sure if he was asking her or himself. She took a spot on the couch so as not to tower over him.

"For three days, I listened to my daughter cry out for me, and I couldn't go to her. Of everything that happened, that was what hurt the most. Now, I don't want to let her out of my sight because I can't bear to even think about going through that again," she began. "But Tina's your daughter, too, and she deserves to have her father just as much as you deserve to have your daughter. So I try to swallow my fears and let you take her. I know in my head that you will keep her safe, but there's this part of me that hurts so badly when she's gone. So I call David. He helps me keep my fears at bay by distracting me. Otherwise, I'd call every five minutes or follow you everywhere you went with her, and that's not healthy for anyone."

"Why didn't you mention any of this before?" he asked.

"Because I knew you would see it as an attack on you, and it's not. It's my own head, and I recognize that. David…David's been through a separation and a divorce. So, when I break down and cry because I want my daughter, he understands," she explained.

"So you still want a divorce," he said. Olivia nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I do," she said.

"Because of that pretty boy lawyer…"

"David has nothing to do with this," Olivia told him with a shake of her head. "This is about you and me." Silence settled on the room once again. Olivia hesitated, and then broke it. "Part of me will always love you. You're the father of my child. I just don't know if I'm in love with you anymore. I'm not sure I'm capable of being in love with anyone."

"You're capable, Olivia. You're capable of anything you set your mind to. You just have to figure out what you're heart is telling you," he said softly. "Are you going to keep seeing him?"

"Yeah," she said, chewing on her lower lip. "I need him right now." She was done talking. She had said enough, and yet, she felt like he still didn't understand where she was coming from. Instead, Fin nodded.

"I'll just go say good-bye to Tina and head home, then," he said. And he left it at that. After he tucked Tina in, he paused on his way out. Without turning to face Olivia, he withdrew a small slip of paper from his jacket pocket.

"I've been putting this aside for you and Tina, in case you need it," he said and placed the check carefully on the counter. Olivia understood what he was trying to do, but she didn't want his money. She just wanted him to leave her be. Not another word was spoken between the two of them that night. And yet, as Olivia heard the front door close as she sat on the sofa, absent-mindedly stroking Cindy, heavy tears began to fall from her eyes. For the first time, she finally realized she may push him out of her life forever.

"Mommy?" a small voice asked, breaking Olivia from her thoughts.

"What, Baby?" Olivia replied.

"Is Daddy coming back yet?" Tina asked. Olivia's heart melted.

"Oh, Honey, come here," she said, gesturing to a spot next to her on the sofa. She waited for Tina to climb up next to her before she continued. "Mommy and Daddy are happier not living together. I know you've heard us fighting, and I don't think you want that to happen all the time, do you?"

"No. But you never used to fight," Tina said. "Why can't you do that anymore?"

"Sometimes, people change, Baby. And right now, Mommy and Daddy are just too different, but we still both love you, very much," Olivia tried to explain again.

"But…I want my Daddy back," Tina said as big tears fell from her eyes.

"I know, Baby. I know," Olivia said, as she held Tina while she cried. She hated doing this to her daughter, but Tina was going to have to get used to the idea that Fin wasn't coming back sooner or later. After some coaxing and coddling, Olivia managed to get Tina fed and tucked into bed. Her own heart was heavy, so she did what came second nature to her by this point – she called David. Somehow, within half an hour, he was at her house, on her sofa.

"He knows about us," Olivia told him.

"I didn't realize there was an 'us' for him to know about," David answered.

"Neither did I, but once again, there he was, jumping to conclusions," Olivia said exasperated.

"He's still in love with you, Olivia. Anyone can see that, but I think the real question here is, are you in love with him?" David asked.

Olivia shrugged. "No. At least… I mean I don't think so. I feel so much more comfortable when he's not here, and the days that he comes here for Tina are just so…stressful," she said with a sigh. "But Tina worships him and Fin loves her. I'm not going to tell them they can't see each other because I'm the one that's screwed up.."

"You are not screwed up," David told her gently but with a firmness that almost made Olivia believe him. "Olivia, I'm not going to lie to you. I think you're an incredible woman, and any guy in the world would be lucky to be with you, but if this is how you feel, you're going to have to set some boundaries with Fin," David said.

"I have, and he just keeps pushing and pushing. Either he wants me to go back to work, or he wants more time with Tina, or he's touching me…" Olivia trailed off. Now it was her turn to cry again. "I'm actually going to lose him, aren't I?" David pulled her into his arms, as he did pretty much every time she cried.

"Only if you want to, Olivia," he said softly. His own heart felt a jab of pain at her words but he wasn't going to ruin her marriage for his own selfish reasons. He cared about her too much to do that. "He'd be back in your arms in five minutes if you called him up right now."

"I just miss the man he was before," she said softly. "It was so easy to be with him, and he was so patient and kind."

"You both changed. It's ok. You're both healing, and maybe that means you heal separately," he told her as he stroked her hair. She looked up at him, her tears subsiding. He always knew the right thing to say, and he truly did. He wiped a stray tear away from her cheek, letting his thumb linger a little longer than it should have. She looked so lost, so vulnerable, and yet, he found her perfect beyond imagination. Time seemed to halt for both of them. Before he knew what he was doing, it was over. He leaned in and brushed his lips gently against hers. She blinked a few times in shock.

Once the full implication of what he was doing hit him David quickly pulled back and scooted away from her on the couch. "Oh, Jesus, Liv. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what came over me," David said, pulling away from her. "I had no right to…" And suddenly, her lips were crashing into his. He returned everything she gave, until they parted, breathless.

"What just happened?" David asked.

"I think it's what they call 'moving on,'" Olivia answered.

_**Dun, dun, DUN! What in the world is Olivia doing? Is there any hope left for FO? Who knows!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

Several weeks had passed from that first kiss on the couch, and September faded into chilly October days. Olivia remained on a permanent hiatus from work, despite Fin's

badgering, and every day that passed Olivia knew the trial grew closer and closer, and

she wasn't sure how'd she fare facing Joseph again.

Olivia' relationship with David continued to progress, though it was moving slower than she had ever imagined going with a guy. Their intimacy was limited to holding each other while on the couch and kissing, a far cry from the beginning stages of the start of her relationship with Fin where they had rough, animalistic, ripping-clothes-off sex three times in the first twelve hours of the first official date. But what made Olivia fall for David harder than she ever thought possible was that he didn't pressure her. He didn't try to move things any faster then what Olivia was comfortable with, and Olivia would never be able to thank him enough for that.

With Tina back in school, Olivia found that she enjoyed having four hours a day to run any errands – with Cindy by her side – and it meant that she could keep Tina at home as much as possible. Every time she considered going back to work, something would set off an anxiety attack – from having to leave Tina in daycare to dealing with victims to facing actual rapists again. She just couldn't face it, which had brought her to the same diner she and Elliot shared many, many meals at. She quickly scanned the booths, and immediately found who she was looking for. A few of the patrons glared at the dog next to her, but the Service Animal vest and harness kept them from actually voicing any objections. She slid into the booth and immediately ordered a cup of coffee.

"It's good to see you out and about," her companion said. Olivia shrugged.

"Thanks, Captain. Truth be told, I'd give just about anything to be home right now," she said.

"How are things going with you?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said quickly.

"That's good to hear. We've kept your chair warm for you, whenever you're ready. Personally, I hope it's sooner rather than later," he said with a wink. Olivia couldn't look him in the eye.

"Uh, Captain, that's why I asked you to meet me here. I…I've been doing this a long time, and well, every cop reaches a point where they're ready to let go of the insanity," she said. Cragen sighed.

"I knew this day would come eventually. Your twenty years were up a long time ago," he said. Olivia reached into her bag and extracted a manila envelope which she slid across the table to her captain.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I just…can't," she said search for words that wouldn't come. Cragen picked up the envelope and tapped it on the table a few times.

"Normally I would try to talk you out of this, but after everything you've been through, I can understand your decision. But Liv," he said, leaning forward, "if you ever, and I mean _ever,_ decide that you want to come back, I'll make sure there's a spot on the squad for you." With that, he threw a few bills on the table for the coffee and headed back to the precinct. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief that the conversation had gone better than she had planned. What she didn't know, was that Cragen had been expecting her retirement for months now. He was just waiting for her to realize what everyone else already knew; she was done.

Three days had passed since Olivia officially retired. It was Saturday, about two weeks before Halloween, and Tina was bouncing off the walls beaming a toothy grin with the prospect of seeing Fin.

"When is he gonna get here?" Tina asked for what felt like the hundredth time in the past fifteen minutes jumping up and down. "When, Mommy, when?"

"You have to be patient," Olivia chided as she looked for Tina's sneakers. "Daddy will be here soon." Tina let out a loud exasperated sigh as she flopped down on the couch.

"Come ON, Daddy!" she whined softly. Olivia had finally found Tina's left sneaker hiding under a pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom when her phone rang. Olivia glanced down at the Caller ID, fiercely reminding herself to get rid of his contact photo, a shirtless Fin embracing a bikini-clad Olivia on their honeymoon, before she picked up.

"Hey, Fin" she greeted as she made her way out to the living room.

"I got a case," Fin muttered, the heartbreak more than evident in his tone. "I can't take Tina today." Olivia stopped mid-stride and quickly made her way back towards her bedroom.

"What do you mean you have a case?" she hissed so that the conversation was unheard by Tina. "Fin, you know how much she loves her Saturdays with you!"

"I know and if there was any way around it I'd be there already but there's nothing I can do about it. Elliot's off, and you haven't been around for ages, and we're swamped. I gotta go in." Olivia bit back the retort threatening to fly forward, but she kept her mouth shut. He'd find out about her retirement in the official announcement. After a moment of hesitating he added, "Could I get her Monday? I'll pick her up from school and I'll drop her off on Tuesday."

Olivia froze, her eyes widening. "You want to take her for the night?"

"Yeah… I mean I got my own place now. It's got a second bedroom just for her." Olivia shook her head.

"Monday after school is fine but she's not spending the night. You can bring her home after dinner."

"Come on, Liv," Fin sighed. "She's my daughter too, and you never let me see her."

"I let you see her every week."

"Once a week," he reminded her bitterly. "That's not enough. I want more time with my daughter."

"No."

"Damn it, Olivia, this isn't fair! I'm a good father and you're keeping her away from me! Either you let me see her more, or I swear to God I'll-!"

"Go ahead," she snapped, "threaten me with the courts again, Fin! In case you may have forgotten, the EADA is a VERY close friend of mine!" There was a long moment of pause before Fin sighed.

"It's happening already," he grumbled.

"What?" asked Olivia, her voice still edgy.

"The fighting," he answered. "I thought that we were different then other separated couples but I guess not." Olivia's face fell as she ran a hand through her hair, breathing out her own sigh.

"Monday after school is fine. And she can spend the night with you one of these nights just… not yet. Please understand, Fin, I'm not ready for that yet." Olivia heard another heavy sigh and a muttered.

"Fine. Will you please tell Tina?"

"Sure. See you Monday."

"Bye, Liv." Olivia heard the tiny bleep signifying that Fin had hung up and she put the phone back in her pocket, shaking her head at what had just happened between them. Olivia made her way out to the living room where Tina was watching the clock on the cable box eagerly, knowing that she had less than two minutes before Fin, who was never a minute late in spending time with her, would be picking her up. She'd be heart broken.

Olivia sighed as she made her way over to the couch and sat down beside her. "Tina, I've got some bad news," Olivia began gently. She waited until Tina was looking up at her before she continued, "Daddy just called. He has to work today and he's SO sorry he can't spend the day with you today." As predicted Tina's face fell.

"But... but Saturday is the only time I get to see him…"

"I know, Sweetie, and he's just as sad as you are but he had to work. He has to go help another sad little boy or girl."

"Bu… but I want my Daddy! I never get to see him anymore!" The tears had begun to swarm down Tina's face, and Olivia felt her own heart break for her daughter. "But he promised to pick you up from school on Monday, and you can spend the whole day with him then." Tina ignored this bit of good news. Saturday was "Daddy Daughter Day," and she wanted him NOW. With a fresh batch of tears, Tina got off the couch and ran towards her room.

"Baby, wait!" Olivia pleaded only to be met with the sounds of Tina's door slamming followed by Tina's cries. Olivia sighed as she slumped down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. She hated hurting her daughter but not being able to fix the hurt was the worst feeling imaginable. After about ten minutes Olivia heard Tina's tears subside to mere sniffling and low whimpers of 'I want Daddy'. Just as she was about to go check up on Tina, there was a soft rap on the front door.

"Shit," Olivia grumbled as she got off the couch and made her way over to the door where she knew David would be standing on the other side. She answered the door and was met by her boyfriend.

"Hey, beautiful," David greeted with a smile that quickly vanished when he saw the look on Olivia's face. "What's wrong?"

"Fin had to cancel on Tina," Olivia explained. "She's heartbroken. I'm so sorry. I should have called, but she was crying, and I just…this isn't a good time." David, instead of looking disappointed or understanding, instead appeared thoughtful.

"Well… I mean we could still spend the day together."

"But what about Tina? I can't leave her with a sitter while I go out with you."

David shrugged, her favorite crooked smile making an appearance. "Well I mean I hope to stick around for a little while. Don't you think I should meet your daughter?" Olivia opened her mouth to tell him no but then actually thought about it. The two would have to meet eventually. Why not today?

After she thought about it a while longer she nodded and moved out of the way for him to come in. "Ground rules: you can't tell her you're my boyfriend, and no kissing, no touching, no undressing me with your eyes…," Olivia warned. "For now your just 'Mommy's friend'."

David looked at her like she had grown three heads. "Liv, I don't want make out with you on the couch while your kid is watching cartoons," he told her, surprised she'd even think he would need the warning. "I just want get to know her." Olivia sighed in relief and nodded; a small smile on her lips.

"Okay. Let's go introduce you." Olivia and David made their way to Tina's bedroom. She knocked on the door softly, earning a sniffling small voice asking her,

"Go away!" Tina yelled.

"Tina, Sweetie, there's someone here I'd like you to meet," Olivia told her. "Come out for a minute." Both adults waited anxiously as they heard shuffling on the carpet and finally the door opened. Tina poked her head out and looked up at David.

"Tina, this is my friend David Haden," Olivia introduced. "He works with Daddy and me." David smiled at the young girl and kneeled down so he was eye level with her. "Hi, Tina. It's very nice to meet you." He stuck his hand out, and Tina eyed it wearily, looking up at Olivia for guidance. Olivia nodded her head so Tina turned back towards David and cautiously shook his hand.

"Hi, David," Tina said, her voice soft and shy. When Tina unhanded him she ran and hid behind Olivia's leg, peeking out at him from behind her.

"Tina, I heard you like The Wizard of Oz," he continued. Tina nodded but offered up no other words. "Well that's good news because I happen to have three tickets to the new Oz movie. Do you want to go with me? If your mother says yes," he added glancing up at Olivia for permission, who merely nodded. Tina's eyes widened, and she too looked up at Olivia.

"Can we go, Mommy? Please, please, please!" Olivia chuckled and nodded again. "Sure." Tina jumped up and down, a beaming grin plastered on her face once more. "Can we go now?"

"Go get your shoes on and we can. Hurry up, sweetie," Olivia prompted to which Tina responded by sprinting out to the living room and picked up her sneakers. David immediately got out his phone and went to a movie ticket app where he quickly purchased three 'Oz: The Great and Powerful' tickets for a nearby theatre.

"Just happened to have three lying around huh?" Olivia chided as he stood back

up. "What would have done if they were sold out?"

David shrugged and flashed her favorite crooked smile at her again. "Bought her love some other way."

Olivia laughed and David smiled at the sound that was so rarely heard. Tina hurried back with her sneakers on, but on the wrong feet. Olivia quickly corrected the mistake and the three were off.

Slowly but surely, Tina began warming up to David while the three took a cab to the movie. David had kept his promise to not do any make any physical contact with Olivia to the point he was having more conversations with Tina then he was with Olivia, looking just as interested and happy with the conversation as Tina was. Olivia couldn't help but notice just how well the two got along.

Their relationship grew even more secure when he bought Tina her own separate small popcorn at the theatre along with a package of gummy bears and a red smoothie, something Olivia usually said no to despite Tina's protests, and would sneak healthier snacks in her purse when she took Tina to the movie. Of course, Fin would always managed to sneak Tina some of his own popcorn and soda during the movie when he didn't think Olivia was looking, but it was the principle of the matter.

But, she wanted Tina and David to get along, so she would allow it this one time. Throughout the movie, where Tina sat in between Olivia and David, David would gasp at the right parts right along with Tina and allow her to bury her face in his shoulder at the scarier parts and even let her dry her eyes and wipe her nose on his shirt when it appeared the wizard had died.

Olivia glanced over at the two of them and couldn't help but smile. David really was good with kids, and Tina seemed to adored him. _Maybe, _she thought hopefully, a smile growing on her face, _this could work out. _David glanced over at her, and when he saw the smile on her lips, he too grinned before he turned back to the movie, unable to keep his mind off the beautiful woman two seats over.

Afterwards, Tina was an unstoppable chatter box, skipping through the movie theatre lobby, retelling her favorite scene and character and how she wished she had seen the Cowardly Lion, her favorite character next to Dorothy.

"You guys want to grab a bite to eat?" David asked once they were outside the theatre waiting for a cab. "My treat."

"I'm hungry!" Tina shouted joyfully, looking up at Olivia. "Can we go?" Lunch was a happy affair while she rattled on and off about the movie, and David gained more points when he allowed her to get soda instead of juice. Both adults laughed as Tina tried to imitate the actors' voices in the scenes, and Olivia had the nicest time out with her daughter then she had in a while.

Afterwards David insisted on stopping at Tina's favorite toy store. David bought her the entire Wizard of Oz Barbie Doll set, a pair of ruby red dress up shoes, and a high quality replica of the Dorothy dress.

"David, this is way too expensive," Olivia muttered softly as checked the prices of Tina's swag. "I can't let you do this."

"It's fine, Liv. I have to work an hour and a half tomorrow to make up for what I bought today," he assured her with a smile.

"I know but… Fin's worried about money right now. If Tina shows him the new toys or dress he'll know you bought it for her and he already looks for any excuse to hate you." David shrugged. "I'm buying his daughter a few toys. If he has issues with it, tell him to take it up with me."

Olivia offered him a brief smile before she turned back to Tina and sighed. "So are you done buying her love yet?" she asked with a grin. David chuckled and shook his head.

"One or two more toys and dinner, then maybe." They both smiled at one another before they turning back to Tina, who had fallen absolutely in love with a stuffed dog who looked like Toto from the movie.

Afterwards it was getting late, so David bought them dinner at McDonald's, allowed Tina to play in the ball pit, and then bought Tina an ice cream from a place in Times Square that David swore had the best chocolate sundaes that he had ever tasted. They took a cab back to Olivia's apartment and by the time they got back it was nearing 9 o'clock, and Tina was resting her head up against David's shoulder with her thumb in her mouth and her new stuffed dog nested safely in her arms. When they pulled up to the apartment, David scooped up Tina in his arms and Olivia's heart melted at the sight. David noticed and gave her a soft smile.

They walked up the stairs, and Olivia unlocked the door. With the door safely behind them they headed towards Tina's room, and he laid her down on the bed. Olivia shimmied her clothes and sneakers off while David got out a set of pajamas and held them out to Olivia who took one look and shook her head. "That's what she wore when she was…"

David instantly lowered them and went back to her dresser to get another set of clothes. "I don't know why the hell Fin thought it'd be a good idea to take them home," she muttered softly as David handed her a new set of pajamas and got her into them. David remained silent as Olivia switched on the night light and stood back up. Just as they were about to shut the doors behind them, there was a small voice from behind them. "Mommy?"

Olivia and David turned back and saw a still tired Tina sitting up in bed. "What, sweetie?"

"Is David gone yet?"

"Nope, I'm still right here," David assured her with a smile. "What do you need, baby?" Without a word, Tina climbed out of bed, shuffled over to the lawyer, and hugged him around the legs, resting her head against his thigh. "Thank you for making me feel better about my Daddy, David," Tina yawned sleepily. As her head only JUST came up to his thigh, David hugged her as best he could, being forced to wrap his arms around her head and pull her in slightly.

Tina's personality shifted 180 degrees. She pushed against David fiercely and whimpered loudly. David immediately released her and she gazed up at him, her eyes wide and frightened. David narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Tina, you okay?" Tina said nothing as she looked towards Olivia who appeared just as confused as David.

"Mommy, will you sleep with me?" Tina's voice held a certain frightened tone to it that unnerved her mother. Olivia nodded before she turned towards David.

"It won't be that long to get her to sleep if you want to wait." She tried not to make it seem like a plea but nevertheless David smiled and nodded. "Sure. How about I go put on a pot of coffee?"

"That sounds so good right now."

David chuckled and turned his attention back towards Tina who hid behind Olivia's legs again. "It was very nice to meet you, Tina. Maybe we can do this again." Tina said nothing as David walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Olivia tucked Tina back into bed and laid down next to her daughter who clung to Olivia like a dying man would a life raft. As Olivia predicted it took less than ten minutes for Tina to fall back to sleep, and she had rejoined David who was sitting on the couch with two cups of coffee in front of him.

"Sorry about that," she said as she went over and sat beside him. "I don't know what got into her." David waved it off.

"Don't worry about it," he said as he took a sip of his own coffee.

Olivia took a long sip before she turned towards him. "Thank you."

"For what?" David asked.

"For keeping her mind off the fact that Saturdays is usually her day with Fin and for being so patient with her."

"She's a great kid, Liv." Olivia leaned over and kissed him. David gave her a chaste kiss back, but was surprised when Olivia didn't pull back. Instead she intensified the kiss and pulled him in closer. He returned with equal passion and only when he needed breath did they part.

"That's a hell of a thank you," he said, his voice lowered to a tone that sent shivers down Olivia's spine.

"You're a hell of a guy," she said with a sultry grin, but inside her heart was pounding against her ribs she thought it would burst. "And you deserve it for putting up with and having pity for a very screwed up woman."

David narrowed his eyes and actually sat back on the couch away from her. "Is that really what you think of me?" He almost sounded angry at her words. "That I'm only doing this because I 'pity' you?"

Olivia's face fell as she shook her head. "David, that's not what I meant."

"I'm here right now because I respect you, and I like you, Olivia. A lot. I liked you before the attack, and I like you just as much after so no, this isn't some sort of pity relationship. You're intelligent, funny, beautiful, kind, sexy, strong, and you survived a lot of shit that would make others want tp give up on life altogether. There's no reason for anyone, including me, to pity you for any of that and no, you are not screwed up, like I've told you before. I don't know who is telling you that you are but they're wrong, Olivia, and don't you dare believe it." Tears flooded Olivia's eyes as David's words sank in. He really did care about her. More than anyone, except possibly her husband, ever had.

This time David leaned forward and kissed her with far more passion then he ever had before. Olivia kissed him back just as eagerly until he moved his kisses away from her lips, up her jaw, to behind her ear. "Is this the kind of kiss a man who pities you would give?" he whispered into her ear before he began kissing her. Olivia bit her lip as he hit that one spot that turned her into jelly. Her hands clenched the fabric of his shirt and pulled it from his pants.

She ran her hands up his back before they came around and began caressing his well toned abs. David pulled away, slightly breathless. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he muttered. "We can stop right now if you want."

Olivia shook her head as she stood up from the couch and offered David her hand . He took the invitation and followed Olivia into the bedroom where she shut and locked the door behind her. She turned and was met by a passionate kiss from David. She draped her arms around his neck and led him to the bed. He laid her down gently and climbed on top of her.

"We have to be quiet," Olivia said in a hushed whisper. "Tina can't know." David nodded in agreement as he once again latched his mouth on that one spot behind her ear, gaining a soft moan from her. His hands began to trace the thin line of skin that was left exposed when her top had been pushed up.

Olivia, who hadn't even thought about being touched sensually in months, scratched her nails over his still covered back and pulled him closer towards her, rubbing herself up against his bulging erection. He was lighting her body on fire with every touch, taking her to a place of pure and total bliss.

"You've got to learn to be patient, Liv," he whispered in her ear as his hand made it's way up her shirt, gently tracing the outline of her breast. "We're just getting started, Baby."

Olivia's eyes shot opened and a scream was caught in her throat. Suddenly it wasn't David kissing her neck; it was Joseph, and she wasn't in her room about to make love to a man who she had exceptionally strong feelings for, she was in the back of a white van with her family; bound and unable to escape:

_"Try that again, and I'll blow her fucking head off!" he yelled. He let his words sink in. Fin repositioned himself on the side of the van, away from Olivia. "Good. Now, where were we…" he said, clicking the safety back in place and holstering the gun. His hands found Olivia's waistband. He popped the button on her jeans and slid the zipper down._

_"No!" Olivia cried, trying to pull away again. Joseph pulled her back on his lap._

_"Go ahead, fight. I like that," he hissed in her ear. His hand found her panties and slipped inside. She tried to fight against the invasion, but her movements were restricted to feeble flailing. She felt his finger work its way through her folds. Her breathing was coming in sharp gasps._

_"Stop," she cried._

_"We're just getting started, Baby," Joseph whispered, kissing her neck. She tried to jerk away, but failed. She felt two fingers ram into her, and she yelped at the sudden intrusion._

_"You're so damn tight. I would have thought that giving birth to a nigger would have stretched you out," Joseph said. "I'm going to love fucking you."_

"Stop!" Olivia cried, tears bursting at her eyes. "Get off me! Please stop!" David pulled away at once and kneeled down beside the bed on the floor.

"Liv, it's just me," he said in a soft voice. "You're okay. I promise you're okay. It's just me…" Olivia's sob caught in her throat as she struggled to breathe again. "He was attacking me," she cried. "In front of my family. He wouldn't stop!"

"It's over," David whispered gently. "He's in jail and you're safe."

Olivia shook her head, a sob ripping past her throat. "Please leave," she begged through her tears. "Please just leave." Without offering a word of argument David got up and left the room, gently shutting the door behind him.

The moment he was gone Olivia let out a sob and collapsed on the mattres, sobbing into her pillow so as not to wake Tina. She thought she could handle it. She thought for sure, especially the way the day had been going tonight would have been the night but instead he had to tell her that damn line.

After several minutes, she calmed down enough so that her sobs had dulled into silent tears streaming down her face. How would David ever be able to look at her after that? She was sure that he would never want to see her again. What's the point of a relationship if the woman freaks out every time he even hints at intimacy? David deserved better. So did Fin. She, on the other hand, deserved exactly what she got - a life with nobody to love her the way a woman deserved to be loved.

More minutes past and Olivia finally felt the events of the day and night catching up with her. Taking one of her sleeping pills, knowing there would be nightmares if she didn't, Olivia curled into a ball, pulled the covers up over her, and fell asleep.

Hours passed that felt like seconds before Cindy placed her snout on the edge of Olivia's bed and barked. Her bark was high pitched and held an edge of unmistakable fear.

"Go away, Cindy," Olivia grumbled, tossing a pillow in Cindy's general direction. Cindy refused to cease, now adding whining to the warning barks. "If there's an intruder then eat him. That's your job, you stupid dog," she muttered.

The barking and whimpering turned into a howl loud enough to wake the dead. Olivia shot out of bed, reaching for Cindy's collar, with every intention of crating her for the night. Cindy dodged and replied with a no-nonsense bark at Olivia. Cindy turned and trotted out of the bedroom, turned back and barked at Olivia again. Olivia furrowed her brow.

"What's wrong, Cindy?" she asked. Cindy barked again and disappeared. Just as Olivia was about to follow Cindy, a sound came from Tina's room that made Olivia's whole body stop cold.

"Tina!" Olivia yelled, but the only response she got was her child's scream of terror.

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	55. Chapter 55

"Tina!" Olivia screamed as she bolted for her daughter's bedroom, her thoughts racing with a million different scenarios of horror, each worse than the one before. Cindy ran full speed ahead with Olivia hot on her heels. She rounded the corner, gripping the doorframe to keep her balance. Cindy sprinted and jumped on Tina's bed, whining loudly and letting out several high pitched panicked barks.

Tina was on the bed thrashing and shrieking, her blankets and sheets in a tangled mess on the floor that she had kicked off. Olivia sprinted over to her and not wasting any time on niceties, she shook her daughter awake, relaxing at the knowledge that it was merely a nightmare, an experience she was all too familiar with. Tina's eyes flew open, and she began to struggle.

"Tina, Tina it's just me," Olivia told her, her voice calm again. "It's just me, baby." Tina calmed down enough to realize she was fighting her own mother, and the moment that realization hit she threw her arms around Olivia and hugged her tight. Tina's body trembling so hard it made Olivia shake.

"Did you have a nightmare?" asked Olivia, praying and hoping that Tina's answer was nothing but 'yes'. Tina nodded, still sobbing.

"I- it was about- about the bad place!" she sobbed, her words shaking as hard as her body. Cindy whimpered and put her head on Tina's shoulder, gently nudging the young girl with her nose and giving her cheek the occasional lick. The longer Tina cried though the more Cindy increased her efforts into making her feel better. Her puppy wasn't supposed to be sad when she was around. That's not how this worked. Her puppy being sad meant she was doing something wrong…

"It's okay, sweetie," Olivia whispered as she gently rocked Tina back and forth. "Everything's okay. It was just a nightmare, Tina. Mommy's here, baby. Mommy's here…" The two stayed like this for several more minutes, the wheels whirring in Olivia's mind. Tina hadn't had a nightmare in months. In fact Olivia was hoping that Tina had forgotten the whole affair.

_Apparently not, _she thought bitterly as she continued to rock Tina back and forth. Once Tina's sobs had subsided to hiccupping tears, Olivia pulled away and looked at her. "Do you want me to make you some hot cocoa and you can tell me about it the nightmare?" Tina, still having her head buried in Olivia's shoulder, shook her head.

"I want juice," she said crankily.

"Ok, let's get you some juice," Olivia replied. Olivia picked her up and carried her out to the living room with Cindy right beside her. Using one hand, Olivia managed to grab Tina a cup and pour in some grape juice into a plastic cup with a straw. Olivia walked over and sat down on the rocking chair that she used to sit in when Tina was a baby and slowly rocked back and forth, humming 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' while Tina slowly sipped her drink, stopping occasionally to wipe away a tear or sniffle, laying against Olivia contently. Cindy rested her head on Olivia's lap while looking up at Tina, letting out the occasional soft whine. When more than half the juice was gone, Olivia stopped humming and finally spoke.

"Do you wanna tell me what the nightmare was about?" she asked gently. Tina shook her head and took another sip of juice. "Well, I know that nightmares can be really scary, Baby," Olivia continued. "But if you talk about them they don't seem so scary afterwards…" Tina paused, letting the words sink in. Finally, after most of the drink was gone, Tina spoke.

"I had a nightmare about what happened in the bad place," Tina finally admitted.

"And what happened in the bad place?" Olivia prompted gently. Tina wiped her eyes free of more tears as she snuggled closer to Olivia. When she didn't continue Olivia tried to nudge her. "Was it something you saw the bad men do to me or Daddy?" Tina shook her head.

"When I was by myself."

"Was it about when they told you they were drowning me, and they were going to hurt you next?" asked Olivia, remembering the months that followed where Tina screamed every time she had to take a bath, and finally Fin had told her why.

"After," Tina corrected. Olivia's heart jumped into her throat once more. What the hell had happened to her daughter? Olivia tried to hide her anger at Adam and Joseph because she knew Tina would think the anger was directed at her. "Tina," she said calmly and evenly, chewing on her bottom lip before she spoke, "what happened, after, Sweetie?" There was another long bout of silence and Olivia felt tears prick in her eyes. "Sweetie, please tell me what happened," Olivia begged, her voice cracking slightly. Tina shook her head.

"I did a bad thing. I'll get in trouble," she said, her lower lip quivering.

"No you will not," Olivia said a bit forcefully then she had intended. "Tina, I swear whatever happened is not your fault and you will not get in trouble." Tina glanced down at the floor and sniffed.

"I… I bit the really mean on," Tina confessed. "Really hard. But he was scaring me really bad and I didn't like him touching me like that and he sounded really scary!" Tina added as her eyes and tone filled with panic, afraid that Olivia would yell and punish her for biting someone. Olivia had to take several deep breaths before she could speak, praying to God that what she thought had happened didn't.

"Tina," Olivia's voice shook almost as hard as Tina's had when she had woken up. "I need you… I need you to touch me the same way the really mean one touched you okay?"

"Am I in trouble for biting?" Olivia shook her head.

"No, Tina, not at all. In fact I'm very proud of you for doing that. But now I need you to show me where he touched you, okay?" Tina nodded and shifted in Olivia's arms so she was looking at her. Tina lifted a hand and stroked Olivia's cheek with the back of it and going over her lip.

"That's when I bit him," Tina informed her. Olivia had never felt such rage in her entire life. That bastard had touched her daughter. There was going to be hell to pay on all fronts. She thought Tina had gotten out of that hell untouched, but now it looked like she had been violated. If Tina had, Olivia would never forgive herself. Ever…

Olivia struggled to contain her anger as she turned back towards Tina. "Baby, what did you mean when you said he sounded scary?"

"He…he said that it was gonna be a night I never forget and I was gonna be just as good as you. He sounded really mean when he said it." Olivia's eyes closed tight as she fought against her tears. Not only was she terrified to hear the end of Tina's story, but hearing her daughter talk was bringing forth a rush of memories she had worked so hard to bury.

"Sweetie," Olivia said as calm as she could. "Could you go get your Dorothy doll? The one Uncle Munch gave you?" Tina nodded and slid off of Olivia's lap and walked towards her room with Cindy right beside her. Before she did she turned back to Olivia, her brown eyes wide.

"You gotta call Daddy!"

"Baby, he's sleeping," Olivia explained gently. Tina's bottom lip trembled unmercifully. "But it's a daddy's job to scare things that scare their little girls!" Tina sniffed and wiped her eyes with her pajama sleeve. "Please can he come here?" Olivia sighed but nevertheless nodded.

"I'll see what I can do." With a thankful look Tina and Cindy continued into her room. Olivia ran a hand through her hair as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. She eyed the house phone on the stand, and she quickly picked it up. She dialed a number that she had well memorized and had to wait three rings before she was answered.

"Fin," muttered Fin sleepily.

"Fin, it's Olivia. I… I need you over here now."

"Liv? What's wrong? You and Tina alright?" he asked, sounding much more wide awake now.

"Tina had a nightmare but it… it was about something that happened when they had her alone. Something that… that Joseph did to her." A sob escaped her at that last word and she covered her mouth to help muffle it to no avail. "I think he hurt my Baby," she whispered as tears gathered in her eyes. There was a long moment before Fin spoke, his voice nothing more than a snarl.

"I'll fucking kill him!" Olivia flinched as she heard something that sounded glass hit the wall. "Fin. Fin, listen to me, Tina needs her father right now." Fin took a deep breath.

"Fine. I'll be there in ten," he promised before there was a beep signifying he had hung up the phone. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief as Tina reemerged from her room clutching her doll close to her heart and walked back over to Olivia. She picked Tina up and held her in her arms again, holding her tight against her chest. "Your Daddy's coming over," Olivia assured her. "But first you gotta do something for me."

"What?" Olivia took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Did… Did Joseph do anything else after you bit him?" Tina nodded. "He got really mad and hurt me and then he scared me really really bad." Olivia's eyes closed as two tears leaked out of them.

"Can… can you tell me what he did?" Tina shook her head.

"Nuh uh." Olivia, who expected as much, nodded towards the doll.

"Do you wanna play a game, Tina?"

"What kind of a game?" asked Tina, skeptical of her mother's request.

"I want you to pretend the doll is you and you're Joseph. Then I want you to show me what happened to you with the doll." Tina frowned as she looked down at the doll. She held it up to hear ear for a moment before she looked back up. "Dorothy says she doesn't wanna play that game."

"Well, can you tell Dorothy it'll make her feel better? And that I know how hard it is to hold a secret like that inside you without telling anybody?" Tina frowned as she glanced down at Dorothy before she looked back up at Olivia.

"She says okay." Olivia set Tina down on the floor and Tina held the doll protectively tight in her arms.

"So Dorothy was just a very brave little girl and bit the very mean man. What happened next?" Tina took a deep breath before she turned the doll around so it was facing her. After a moment Tina brought her arm back.

"You little 'bad word'!" she shouted before she back handed the dolls face and threw it across the room so it crashed on the couch. Olivia flinched as if she had been the doll being thrown. Tina stormed over to it and grabbed it by its face. "Usually I'm gentle with 'bad words' like you, but you see this?" Tina showed her hand to the doll. "Because of that, I'm gonna 'bad word' you so hard you won't be able to walk for a month! If you wanna bite me then you're gonna put that mouth to use, you stupid 'bad word'!" Tina slammed the doll against her thigh and looked up at Olivia who was fighting with all her worth not to break down into tears. "Wha… what happened next Tina?"

"He called me a horse and a raccoon. Then the nicer one opened the door and yelled at him and pulled him away." Olivia searched over Tina's eyes, using very bit of expertise she had gained in her 14 years of police work to see if she was holding something back. She wasn't. And Olivia couldn't have thanked God enough for that.

"That's all he did to you?" Olivia asked gently. "He didn't do anything else?" Tina nodded.

"He cut my hair."

"Can you show me how he did that?" asked Olivia. Tina sat down on the floor and pulled her doll into her lap and wrapped her arms around the dolls waist and held it firmly against her.

"He was poking me in the back the whole time," Tina grumbled. Olivia furrowed her brow for a moment, and then she realized Tina wasn't feeling Joseph's finger.

"Wha... what happened after he cut your hair, Baby?"

"He made noises like Cindy in my ear a lot. It was really icky. Then he said I was lucky his brother was turning into a 'bad word' lover and he left." Olivia let out another breath of relief. She hadn't been assaulted. She had come close, but she had seen nothing, and nothing had happened to her more than he scared her. Olivia reached down and pulled her into her arms, resting her head on Tina's shoulder. Just as Olivia began to pull away there was a frantic knocking on her door. Olivia pulled away and walked over to the door. She glanced through the peephole and saw Fin standing anxiously at the door.

Olivia opened the door and held a hand up to Fin.

"She wasn't raped," she assured him gently. "She almost was but Adam stopped it, and she didn't see anything of either of them." Relief replaced the anxiousness and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Good. Good. Can I see her?" he added, almost pleading with her. Olivia nodded and moved out of the way for Fin to come in. Tina, who had been busy with her second glass of juice, glanced up and beamed at Fin. "DADDY!" she yelled as she sprinted over to him, throwing her arms around his legs.

"Hey, Sweetie!" Fin greeted happily as he reached down and picked her up. "How you doing, Baby Girl?" he asked as he hugged her tight while Tina threw her arms around his neck.

"Awesome!" answered Tina joyfully. "Mommy and David took me to see the new Oz movie, and out to lunch, and he bought me new toys, and then he touched me like the really mean one did and it scared me." Olivia's eyes went with shock as Fin whipped towards her, a flaming rage burning in his eyes.

"Liv, what the hell is she talking about 'he touched her' like they did?" he demanded. "What the hell did that prick do to her!"

"Nothing!" Olivia protested, her mind whirling a million miles an hour trying to figure out what Tina was talking about. "I was with them the whole time; he never touched her in ANY way inappropriate!"

"My daughter is not a liar!" Fin barked. "Your little boy toy, however-!"

"David didn't do anything to her!"

"Oh bullshit!"

"Language!"

"Stop!"

Both turned towards Tina who was still in Fin's arms, tears in her eyes. "You guys fight too much now! I don't like it!" she whined. Fin and Olivia glanced at each other for a moment, both realizing that Tina was right. It wasn't fair to Tina to hear them arguing.

Fin took a deep breath before he turned back towards Tina.

"You're right, Baby. I'm sorry for yelling."

"Me too," said Olivia. "Daddy and I promise not to yell at each other in front of you anymore." Tina look unsatisfied but never the less accepted the apologies. Fin set her down on the carpet and kneeled down next to her. "Tina, can you do me a favor?" he asked gently. "Can you show me exactly how David touched you?" he finished, throwing a look at Olivia. If David had hurt his daughter in ANY way, much less the way she was insinuating, he didn't care if he was still married to Olivia; there would be hell to pay for BOTH of them. Tina nodded and took a step away from him.

"I gave David a hug," she told Fin, hugging Fin around the leg the same way she had done to David, "and David touched my head like the bad guy." Fin narrowed his eyes in confusion as he looked from Olivia to Tina.

"What do you mean he touched your head?" Finally it clicked for Olivia. "She means like this," Olivia corrected with a relieved sigh as she walked over, grabbed Fin's hands and put them around Tina's head like David had done.

"… He hugged her?"

"Joseph grabbed her by the hair and slammed her into his thigh," Olivia whispered softly. "When David hugged her around the head it must have triggered a flashback." Fin's face fell as realization dawned on him. He looked down towards Tina and gently stroked her hair.

"Is that what happened, Baby? David hugged you, and it scared you?" Tina nodded as she looked up at Fin. "It's your job to get rid of things that scare me," she reminded him. Fin chuckled as he knelt down beside her. "That's right. Why don't you get into bed and I'll be in there in a little while to tuck you in okay?"

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course." Tina beamed happily as she turned from Fin to Olivia.

"Can I have more juice, Mommy?"

"Sweetie, you just had two glasses."

"But I'm thirsty!"

"Then you can have some water," Olivia countered.

"NO, I NEED JUICE!" Tina screamed.

"Ok, ok, you can have juice," Fin said, undermining Olivia's authority completely. Olivia shot him a look that said just how angry she was with him. Olivia sighed as she nodded. "Go in your room, first, and your father will bring it in to you. Good night, Tina."

"Mommy?"

"What, Baby?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Olivia sighed.

"Of course you can. Go on in," she said, gesturing to her bedroom

Once the door had shut Fin and Olivia stood there in awkward silence for a long moment. "I'm sorry," Fin grumbled after a moment. "I shouldn't have given into her like that, but when I heard that…"

"You're right. You shouldn't have given into her. It makes it that much harder for me to enforce the rules when you let her break them," Olivia said. Then she sighed as she realized she was dodging the real issue "I know. It's okay," she said. "I thought the same thing."

There was another long bout of silence. "So David met her, huh? Does he like her?"

"He adores her, Fin, and she's crazy about him." She ignored the darkened look at the statement that Tina liked David. She shrugged as she walked over and grabbed a cup along with the grape juice. "But it doesn't matter now. It's over."

Fin's heart soared. "Why what happened?" Olivia shook her head as she poured the juice. "It doesn't matter. I screwed up."

"I highly doubt you screwed up." Fin walked behind where she stood; his heart racing. "You're too perfect," he muttered as he moved a piece of hair behind her ear. Before the attack is when Fin would have leaned in, began lapping and kissing at that one spot behind her neck, and began the process that ended with Olivia begging to be taken right there on the kitchen counter, which he had gladly obliged her of. Olivia turned around and came face to face with Fin, whose eyes had darkened with lust. She swallowed hard as they stood there in silence, so close that if either was an inch closer they would have been pressed up against each other. She saw Fin lean in and Olivia quickly backed up.

"Just because David and I broke up doesn't mean you and I are back together," she whispered gently, placing her hands on his chest to push him away. Fin looked over her eyes and when he saw the tears brimming, he quickly took several steps back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered gently. "Liv, I- I didn't-."

"It's okay," she breathed. She handed him the cup of juice. "Here. Bring this into Tina." Without a word Fin grabbed the juice and took it into the room he once shared with Olivia. Olivia ran a hand through her hair as she made her way over to the couch. She listened to the two of them in there, and she heard the laughs from Tina and Fin 'scaring away' the scary thoughts and things that had frightened her followed by Fin reading a chapter from the Wizard of Oz book, making Tina giggle every time he used different voices for the characters. Nearly a half hour later Fin reemerged from her bedroom, empty juice cup in hand, a bigger smile on his face then she had seen in a while.

"She asleep?" she asked as she glanced over towards him.

"Yeah. I forgot how fun putting her to bed could be," he chuckled. Olivia gave him a brief smile as he stretched his arms up, letting out a yawn.

"I gotta get going. Gotta be up in three hours." Olivia nodded as she stood up from the couch and walked him to the door.

"Thanks for coming over," she said as she opened the door for him. "It meant a lot to her."

"Any time," he said with a shrug. "In fact I'd kind of like to do this again."

Olivia merely smiled. "We'll see."

Fin's face fell slightly as he nodded. "I gotcha. I'll see ya, Liv." Without another word he walked out of the apartment, Olivia latching the door behind him. With sleep catching up to her Olivia shuffled into her bedroom, with Cindy following behind. As she turned to climb into bed, she noticed Cindy sitting on her heels, looking up at her expectantly.

"Well, come on. You too," she said, inviting Cindy up onto her bed for the first time.

XxXxX

Olivia woke up at eight o'clock that morning to a gentle knocking on the front door. Olivia groaned loudly as she shuffled to the front door muttering a probably unheard, "Coming."

She glanced through the peephole, and suddenly she was more than wide awake. She opened the door to David Haden holding a dozen roses out to her.

"I have grand jury at nine thirty," he said softly as he handed her the roses. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"It's fine." Olivia swallowed hard as she nodded towards the roses. "They're beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome." The two stood in awkward silence for a while in awkward silence before he nodded towards her apartment. "So you mind if I come in?" Olivia paused for a moment. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to talk to anybody about what had happened last night, but she owed him an explanation about what had happened. He was too good a guy to leave without one.

Olivia nodded and moved out of the way so he could come in. "David," Olivia sighed as she shut the door behind him. "Last night wasn't your fault. I-."

"Didn't do anything wrong," he interrupted as he turned towards her. "I reread the case file last night. I shouldn't have said that to you, I didn't even think about it. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who freaked out."

"Because of what I said." Olivia sighed as he took a few steps towards her. Unlike Fin last night, she wanted him to take a step closer.

"It's not you, David. I'm damaged goods. You don't deserve that. You deserve a woman who you can be with without watching what you say during sex. I'm not good, David. You don't want me." David narrowed his eyes at her, much like he had done the night before, and walked over to her.

"You're right," he shot back. "I don't deserve you." Olivia bit her lip to keep from crying. Even though she had known it to be true it still stung hearing him say it. David took a step closer and gently stroked her cheek, his face softening. "No man alive could ever be good enough to deserve you," he whispered.

"David-."

"No, Liv, listen to me. I don't care if I have to watch what I say during sex. Hell, I don't care if we never even have sex. I just want to be with you. I know," he continued just as softly, stroking her cheek. "That this is really hard for you. But, Liv, I can handle it. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" A soft smile graced her lips as she looked up at him, searching over his face. Olivia let out a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay."

"So come here." With a shaking breath Olivia draped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer. Olivia let out a soft moan as he licked her lips, asking permission, which she gladly gave him. His tongue gently massaged hers for a moment before he pulled away, latching on to her neck and kissing her, claiming her as his own. "Tell me to stop and I will," he told her softly as he began to kiss and nip at that spot behind her ear, turning Olivia's legs into jelly. "But God I want you right now..."

A jolt ran through Olivia. She hadn't heard that from a man in a while and it was clear his words were definitely having an effect on her. As David moved to lay her on the couch, Olivia gathered whatever strength she had left and used it to gently push him away.

"Tina will be up in a little while," she reminded him. "And you have grand jury. I'm glad she met you but I don't need her telling Fin that she woke up, and you were here." David, who had stopped kissing her the moment she finished her sentence, chuckled weakly and nodded. "I understand, Liv. Can I stop by tonight after court then?" Olivia nodded, and David beamed at the news.

"Anything in particular you want for dinner?" she asked.

"Not really but I know what I want for dessert," he said with a sly grin. David laughed at Olivia's blush and kissed her on the cheek. "Whatever you feel like making will be perfect." Olivia, still with a faint red on her face, walked him towards the door and opened it for him. "I guess I'll see you tonight." With a final chaste kiss on the lips to tide them over until dinner that evening, David left the apartment with Olivia staring happily after him.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

Fin straightened out the Scarecrow shirt he had bought online as he made his way up the four flights of steps to their apart…his old apartment, with a plastic pink jack-o'-lantern candy carrier in his hand, his heart beating like a drum.

When Fin discovered that David was going to be accompanying them trick-or-treating, as per Tina's request, he had been angrier with Olivia than he had ever been. He couldn't believe that she had allowed him to barge in on their family time. He called her up, demanding to know why Tina was telling him that David was going with them. Olivia said that they had gotten back together, and that Tina wanted him there. She had been firm, leaving him little room for argument. In fact, it had gotten to the point where she had threatened to ban _him _from the festivities instead of David. Granted, that conversation had occurred the very same day Cragen told him that she officially retired, so all in all, he wasn't that happy with her.

Olivia had kept her strict schedule with him with the exception of that one Monday. He had talked to Cragen, who agreed that, unless one of them had been shot, Fin had Saturdays from 10am to 7pm off, no exception, but Tina had been chattering about Halloween, and this was the first year that she was old enough to really be able to fully enjoy it. He could see his daughter's heart practically burst with excitement to the point where she had given everyone else, including Cindy, their own assigned "roles," which is precisely how Fin wound up standing in front of Olivia's door dressed as the Scarecrow. He could be mature enough to leave his issues with Olivia and her new boy toy at the door to preserve the experience for Tina. When he reached the door, he adjusted the blue hat perched on top, took a deep breath, and knocked. All at once there was a loud barking at the door followed by Olivia shouting, "Cindy, stop!"

Olivia opened the door and Fin had to remind himself that he was separated from the picture perfect woman standing in front of him, and it would be inappropriate to take her in his arms and kiss her right there on the doorstop. It was just a Halloween version of the Glinda outfit, but in Fin's view, she looked absolutely breath taking in it. The pink beaded corset was laced tight and the ball gown skirt was so long it almost swept the floor, but gave enough room so she wouldn't trip on the pale pink flats that graced her feet. Her arms were encased in two long, light pink gloves that matched the color of the corset that came to a poof at her two shoulders. Her hair was in soft curls with her makeup done flawlessly. Olivia beamed at him as she took in his costume.

"You look great! Tina's gonna be so happy to see you!" Fin chuckled as he shrugged and motioned to her.

"Thanks. Mama did the makeup," he assured her as if he was afraid Olivia would think he himself had done such a good job at applying makeup. H motioned to her and smiled. "And you look really good too, Liv." Olivia blushed and a shy smile rose to her lips as she glanced down at the floor for a second before she looked back up at him.

"The Witch would have been easier but Tina made me promise to be Glinda so…do you wanna come in?" Wordlessly Fin nodded and Olivia let him pass, shutting the door behind him.

"Tina," Olivia called out, "someone's here to see you!" Tina poked her head out of the doorway and her entire face lit up when she saw Fin standing there. "Daddy!" Tina cried happily as she raced towards Fin, hugging him around the leg.

"Hey, Baby Girl!" Fin greeted as he picked her up and hugged her tight. "I missed you so much! Happy Halloween!"

"Happy Hall'ween!" Fin held onto her for a few more seconds before he put her down and looked down at her as she beamed up at him.

"I got you a present," Fin told her happily as he held out the pink plastic bucket. Tina took it from him and peered inside intently.

"But…there's no candy in it," Tina said, sticking her lower lip out. Fin crouched down to her level.

"That's the point. We have to go out and get the candy," he explained.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Tina said. Changing gears at the speed only a toddler could, she announced, "Look, Daddy! I'm Dorothy!" as she twirled in the blue and white gingham dress, her feet encased in sequined red Mary Janes.

"And you make a very pretty Dorothy too," Fin said as he held up a bag full of hair products. Olivia had called him and asked him if he wouldn't mind doing her hair for Halloween. Fin had happily agreed and had gone shopping for the products needed for Tina's hair.

"You ready for Daddy to do your hair?"

"Um, Fin, what's in the bag?" Olivia asked as she tried to look at what was inside the bag. Fin shifted it slightly before he reached in and pulled out a can of hairspray. "Just some hairspray and gel." Olivia watched as the two escaped into the bathroom but the moment they disappeared there was another knock at the door and Cindy once again jumped to high alert, guarding the front door.

"Cindy, stop!" Olivia shouted again, and Cindy fell silent again. As she walked towards the door and looked through the peephole, she couldn't help but smile at the man on the other side. Olivia pulled open the door to a smiling David Haden who was wearing an absolutely impeccable studio replica Cowardly Lion costume, complete with the latex half mask and the metal courage medal pinned to his chest.

"Wow," he breathed as he took in her costume. "Liv, you look amazing." Olivia blushed in response.

"Thanks. You do too." David smiled at the compliment and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips before Olivia moved out of the way for him. David beamed as he held up a large plastic trick-or-treat bag adorned with the four main characters and Toto from The Wizard of Oz skipping merrily down the Yellow Brick Road while a large portrait of the witch and Glinda was on the other side.

"Saw it online when I was looking for the costume," David told her with a beaming grin. "Thought Tina might like it." Olivia's face fell as she looked over the gift David had gotten her daughter. She knew Tina would absolutely love the bag, but if Fin saw it, he would just see it as another attack.

"David," Olivia began not unkindly, "That's a really nice gift but-."

"David!" Olivia and David turned towards the voice that had called out his name and saw a beaming Tina, with half of her hair now twisted into a sleek braid and the other half poofy and untamed, pink bucket still in hand, running towards David while Fin stood in the doorway to the bathroom, trying his damndest to feign indifferent to the lawyer's presence, but the only one who couldn't see through his ruse was Tina.

"Hey, Tina!" David greeted merrily as he gave Tina a brief hug, only to release it seconds later after seeing the stern glare thrown at him by Fin. David held Tina at arms length and kneeled own to her level, hiding the expensive bag behind his back.

"I got you a present," he said with a grin before he pulled out the bag. Tina's eyes went wide with shock before a beaming grin broke out on her face as she grabbed the bag from David's hands, letting out a squee of excitement, dropping the pink bucket on the floor in the process.

"Mommy, look!" she squeed loudly as she hugged David tight around the neck before she sprinted over to Olivia, who couldn't look anywhere other than at the hurt and betrayel in Fin's face.

"Mommy look what David got me!" Tina announced joyfully, jumping up and down in the spot she was standing in. Olivia swallowed hard as she glanced from Fin back to David whose face twisted into confusion as he glanced from Fin towards the pink bucket that lay at his feet. Realization dawned on David's face as he put his hands in his face and shook his head at his own sheer stupidity. David swallowed hard as he picked up the bucket and gasped in amazement.

"Wow, Tina!" he cried loudly over the squeals of joy from the young girl. "This is a really pretty pumpkin bucket! It's even prettier than the bag! I bet you'll make all the other kids jealous if you use the cool bucket instead of that bag." Tina shook her head as she turned back towards David in utter confusion.

"No I won't."

"Come on, Sweetie," Olivia prompted. "Why don't you save the Oz bag for next year?"

"Noo!" Tina whined clutching the Oz bag closer to her chest.

"Tina..."

"It's fine, Liv," Fin grumbled with a shrug. "Tina, do you want me to finish your hair or do you want David to?"

"Fin," Olivia began with a sigh but Tina cut her off with a shake of her head.

"I want you to do my hair, Daddy. You know how to make it pretty." Fin nodded as he took Tina's hand and led her back in the bathroom. David groaned as he ran a hand over his face.

"I feel like an idiot. I never should have gotten her the bag," he said, slightly embarrassed.

"David it's fine," Olivia assured him as rubbing his back gently as he stood next to her. "You didn't know Fin was going to buy her a bag, and this was a really nice thing you did for her."

"Fin already thinks I'm stealing you," David mutters, remembering the conversation Olivia told him about, "and now he probably thinks I'm trying to steal Tina too."

"You're not stealing me away from anything, and he and I are separated, whether he's ready to admit it or not," Olivia assured him. "And Fin knows Tina loves him more than anything or anyone, and that should be enough for him. He's going to have to get used to you being around Tina because I really hope you intend to stay around for a while." David chuckled softly as he leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips before he pulled away, his eyes traveling over her costume. "You know you really do look beautiful tonight, Olivia." Olivia blushed again and David simply chuckled at the sudden shyness before he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers again. Just as Olivia began to return the kiss, they heard the bathroom door open and they quickly broke apart. Tina reemerged with her hair now in two sleek smooth French braids, all but jumping up and down in anticipation with Fin still glaring at David. Olivia brushed off the skirt as Tina jumped up and down, clutching a hold of Fin's hand.

"Can we go yet?" Tin asked; her voice over bubbling with excitement.

"Are we good?" asked Fin, casting a particularly nasty look at David, who was struggling to ignore the harsh glare. "Or does rich boy lawyer have any other gifts to give the poor little black girl?"

"Fin!" Olivia barked. David snapped up and returned the harsh gaze Fin was throwing at him while Tina frowned at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Don't fight!" begged Tina as her bottom lip quivered. "It's Hall'ween!" Olivia took a deep breath before she turned towards Tina who was looking up at her with big brown eyes.

"No one's fighting, Baby. Go get Cindy's sign and then we'll go." With her bottom lip still quivering, Tina disappeared into her room, shutting the door behind her. The moment the door latched Olivia stormed up to Fin.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she spat at a seemingly unfazed Fin. "Don't you _dare_ spew that kind of crap when she's around!"

"It's true though," Fin spat back. "Little white boy thinks a black man can't support his child, so he has to pick up the slack." Olivia took a quick step in front of David, glaring up at Fin.

"Look," she barked, jabbing a finger in his face, "you want to get pissed at David for dating me, fine! Go right ahead! You want to pretend you're the victim of racial injustice just because he got your daughter some little Halloween bag when you _know_ that you and I both faced true racism, have at it! But not tonight! This is Tina's night and I'll be damned if you ruin this for her just because you want to have a pissing match with David! Tina wanted you to come and it is only for that reason I'm not kicking you out of my apartment right now but go ahead, Fin, keep it up! Ruin tonight for her, and I swear to God I will make you regret it!" Fin and Olivia stared at one another, her chest heaving and her eyes burning with a familiar ferocity he saw every time they fought, the same ferocity that would usually lead to long hard angry passionate sex that would leave her sore for at least two days afterwards.

As the two former lovers looked into one another's eyes, Fin wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her on the lips, grab her firm ass and pull her tight against him while they battled for dominance. He wanted to let Olivia know he was hers fully and unconditionally, and it was only for that reason, and that reason alone, she could get away with speaking to him like that, but she would usually always pay for it later. Then, after they fucked good and long and hard – Fin never called that type of sex love making; it was too raw, too primitive, too angry to be called that – he would apologize for whatever he did that started the screaming match, and she would apologize for whatever she did. He would gently kiss her good night, she would lay her head against his chest and fall asleep to the rhythm of his beating heart, her fingers lightly tracing the elaborate tattoo on his chest, and the night after would usually be followed by a night of soft, soothing slow love making, the kind of sex Olivia adored.

Fin and Olivia continued to glare into one another's eyes, and he could feel both of their temperatures rising until he heard Tina's door click open and at once, the torrid memories of them together vanished. Fin found himself staring not at Olivia, but at Olivia and David, who had his hand on her shoulder as if to say that he would protect her. He would do the things Fin should have been doing.

"Are you guys done fighting?" Tina asked in a small quiet voice. Olivia took a deep breath and nodded, not turning from Fin.

"We're done." Fin's heart sunk at the words that, to him, held a double meaning. Olivia ran a hand over Tina's braids and pulled away cringing. "Fin." Olivia's voice was sharp and stern. "What did you put in her hair?"

"It's just some grease." Olivia's eyes widened as she looked from Fin back to her hair. "You put grease in her hair? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Olivia it's fine. It's for her age."

"I don't care! I don't want harsh products in her hair at this age!"

"Mommy, I like it!" Tina protested, her lower lip just starting to quiver. "It makes my hair pretty…" Olivia bit her lip to keep from yelling as she looked over at Fin, who was struggling not to look smug.

"We'll talk about this later." Olivia turned back towards Tina who held up a sign that had 'Toto' written on it that had a piece of string around it long enough to hang on Cindy's neck. Tina called Cindy over who trotted over to her and stood diligently beside her while she put the sign around Cindy's neck and she grabbed her leash and peered up at Olivia with a beaming grin.

"Can we go now, Mommy?"

"Yes we can go." Olivia took Tina's hand, and Fin shot a hateful glare at David as if he was daring him to take Tina's free hand. David held back an eyeroll as he walked beside Olivia, slipping his pawed hand into hers as Fin walked on the other side of Tina. They started off on their floor, all of the men and women who came to the door fawning over the group costumes to include the Toto sign. As they made their way up to the 7th floor and then down to the floor, Tina's bag was half full of sweets and candies.

"So," Olivia said as the group stepped out of the building, "where do you want to go next?"

"Daddy's building!" Tina exclaimed happily gazing up at Fin.

"Sure thing, Sweetie." Tina jumped up happily as she looked up at Olivia. Tina took Fin's hand, dragging him onward while David and Olivia hung back. David wanted some time with Olivia, away from Fin, and he was pretty sure Fin wouldn't mind the distance either.

"You okay?" David asked gently, once Fin and Tina were far enough ahead to be out of earshot. Olivia swallowed hard before she nodded.

"Yeah. I'm okay. I was just remembering…it's nothing."

When they reached Fin's apartment building, he held back and waiting for David and Olivia to catch up before unlocking the front door.

"Mommy, Daddy said I can spend the night with him if you say yes!" Olivia's head snapped up, giving a furious look at Fin who stood there as if he had done nothing wrong.

"David, stay with Tina." Olivia pulled Fin away from Tina and twisted him towards her, anger burning in her eyes. "Why would you bring this up to her? Why!?"

"Because it's the only way I can get you to agree to it," Fin muttered softly. Olivia shook her head.

"No," she said firmly and succinctly.

"It's Friday, Olivia," Fin argued softly. "I never get to see her anymore. It's not fair." Olivia felt tears building in her eyes.

"Fin, I can't. You know I can't."

"Yes you can. You're stronger then you think."

"Not when it comes to her." Fin bit his lip as he saw a single tear starting to run down her face. He couldn't budge on this. Not when he was close to tears himself every night that wasn't spent in Olivia's arms and Tina in the next room.

"Olivia," he began softly. "I miss you and Tina more than anything. I'd give anything in the world to bring our lives back to what they were before."

"Fin," Olivia sighed, "you and I..."

"I know, and I'm trying to accept it. But Olivia, I can't accept never seeing my daughter or never being able to kiss her good night or tuck her in or read her stories anymore, ok? That kills me. That same pain you feel in your heart for a few hours every Saturday, I feel every single day, only it's worse because I don't have someone to come over and comfort me like David does for you." Fin let his words sink in before he continued, "Please, Baby Girl. Just one night. That's all I'm asking." Olivia ran a hand through her head of curls.

"Fin, I.. I don't… What…what about pajamas? And her Dorothy doll? And…?"

"She has her own little Oz room here," said Fin eagerly, finally feeling as if he was making some headway. "I had a professional come in and paint it so it's just like what we thought of before Ken surprised us. She's got a nightgown, a nightlight, and a fresh change of clothes."

"What about her Dorothy doll? And her blankie? I'm not running back out here to..." Fin reached in his shirt where it was supposed to be bulged out with fake straw but instead was bulged out with a doll and a light pink worn out blankie.

"I snuck it when I was doing her hair." Olivia shook her head at Fin's deceptiveness. She looked back at Tina who was enjoying a lively conversation with David who was struggling not to showcase his worry about Olivia. She looked back towards Fin who looked like he was a toddler awaiting an answer on if he could have a new toy or not.

"You make sure she calls me. Before she goes to bed and the moment she wakes up. Lock your doors, lock your windows, lock your..." Fin's face lit up with a joyful light she hadn't seen in months. He hugged Olivia and twirled her around.

"Thank you, Baby Girl! Thank you so much!" He set her down, still beaming like he had been told he won the lottery. Olivia looked slightly stunned and glanced over at David who tried to make it appear like he hadn't seen the embrace.

"They look happy again,, David," Tina whispered softly with a toothy grin. "Maybe they're getting back together."

David used all of his lying ability he had been taught in law school and smiled. "Maybe they are, Tina."

_**So, are Fin and Olivia coming to a new understanding, or is David just sparing Tina's feelings? Only time will tell!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

Tina took David's hand and led him over to Fin and Olivia, who looked like she was a  
>prisoner waiting for her execution. David's eyes narrowed. "Liv, you all right?" he asked gently, struggling not to touch her while Tina was in eyesight. Olivia could say nothing while Fin went over and picked up Tina, smiling brightly at her.<p>

"Guess what, Baby? Mommy says you get to spend the night with Daddy!" Tina let out a squeal of happiness as she rushed over to Olivia and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks, Mommy!" she exclaimed. Olivia couldn't even muster the strength for a fake smile. It was all she could do to keep from crying. Both Fin and David noticed but neither was sure what to do or say so they merely glared at each other accusingly, but Fin didn't have the brains to realize it was his fault, and David didn't have the courage to tell him.

When Tina released the hug she ran over to Fin who beamed down at her. "Can we  
>watch scary movies and make popcorn?"<p>

"Yup! I recorded SpongeBob's Spooky Halloween special just for the occasion!"

"Yay! Mommy too," she added,taking Olivia's hand.

"No, Tina," Fin said, pulling her back. "It's just you and Daddy tonight." Tina's face fell slightly, but she accepted that Olivia wasn't going to be part of the picture. As the two chatted on happily about their Halloween festivities, David walked up to Olivia and nodded towards Tina and Fin.

"We'll catch up with you. Start on the bottom floor okay?"

"Okay, David!" Tina agreed with a smile while Fin offered nothing but silence. Tina pulled Fin's hand into the building, letting the door shut behind them. Once the door had shut, David pulled Olivia into her arms who began weeping the moment Tina was gone.

"Why is he taking her from me!" she cried, burying her face into the soft fur of his costume.

"It'll be okay. He just wants to spend time with her, too. It's nothing against you," David whispered, holding her closer.

"That's not how it feels. I know it's his daughter too, but I can't even function when she's gone for a few hours! Keeping her all night is just..." Olivia let out a sob clinging to him closer. There was a physical ache in her chest as she imagined the long stretch of hours between now and tomorrow evening when Fin would return Tina.

"You know, Lisa has the kids tonight. I could stay, if you don't want to be alone," David whispered gently, not even thinking about the implications or meaning of his words. Olivia was scared to be alone and hated to be without Tina. He had said the first thing that had popped into his head that would make her feel better. "I won't leave you, Olivia." Olivia let his words sink in as she pulled away from him to look up at him.

Even with the latex mask and tan makeup, he was still gorgeous. David pushed a stray curl from her face before he leaned in and kissed her. Olivia increased the ferocity of the kiss and pulled him in, head piece and all, closer. When they broke apart they were breathless and Olivia felt something stirring within her that she hadn't felt in months. She wanted to be taken cared of in a way a woman should be taken care of. She wanted to just lie back and let the person she cared about give her a solution, albeit temporary, to her problems. And yet, at the same time, those thoughts scared her to death.

Joseph and Adam Colin stole what it felt like to be a woman, in every sense of the word. David was giving to back to her in a way Fin couldn't. Slowly, piece by piece, never forcing nature's timeclock, but never letting her get stuck for very long.

"I never kissed a fairy before," David muttered with a soft chuckle breaking her from her concentration.

"I'm not a fairy, I'm a good witch," she corrected with a teary laugh. "And I can't say I've ever kissed a lion before."

"Well here's to many more opportunities, my Good Witch." Olivia grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with one of the costumes curls. "Very well spoken, my brave lion…" David flashed Olivia her favorite crooked smile once again as he took a step away from her. "Should we catch up to them?" he asked, motioning to the building in front of him. Olivia kissed him one final time before she nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go." With final grins, they both headed into the apartment building, shutting the door behind them. The trick-or-treating part of the evening went far to fast for Olivia's liking. It seemed like they were almost running through the various floors. What felt like minutes passed, but had been an hour according to her watch, and now they were in front of Fin's doorstop, with Fin holding Tina in his arms as if he was afraid Olivia would change her mind and take her from him.

"This was fun," said Fin to Olivia with a smile. "Thanks for inviting me, Liv."

"It was Tina's idea actually," David shot back with what appeared to be a harmless sentence and smile but all three adults saw right through it. David promised himself he would stay out of Olivia and Fin's affairs. But he saw the way Olivia was hurting and he knew that it was Fin's fault, and for that reason, he felt nothing but contempt for the man in front of him. Fin sent a cross glare towards David before he turned his attention back towards Olivia, who appeared more nervous than he had ever seen her.

"I'll let her call you," he promised gently. "And anytime you call I'll let you talk to her, but try to trust me. I'll keep her safe." Olivia merely nodded without a word because she couldn't speak. It was taking every ounce of her strength not to break down in tears.  
>Fin noticed and his face fell. He set Tina down and opened the door to his apartment.<p>

"David, do you mind taking her inside for a minute while I talk to my wife?" David did mind that. A lot actually. Fin was making her upset; why the hell would he leave her alone with him? But, like he promised, he was not to interfere. His ex-wife's husband did it all the time, and his own kids would call him up crying because of something their stepfather had said or done, or because he had insulted David and yelled and argued while they defended their father. Anything regarding the children should have been something he or Lisa, not him. And because he didn't know when to step away, David wanted to kill the bastard.

David knew if he started meddling, Tina would hate him, and the mere thought of Tina crying to Fin because he had hurt her, was more then he could bare. He cared way too much about that little girl to do that to her. So, instead David, without a word, simply smiled and nodded, taking Tina from Fin and setting her down on the ground and walked inside, shutting the door behind them.

"Liv, I know this is hard but I just wanna spend some time with her," said Fin softly. "You but you gotta remember this is hard for me too."

"I know," Olivia began, already cringing as her voice cracked. "But every time she's away, I just start thinking about when they took her away from me… Fin, I get scared. I know it's not fair to you and I know you love her and you'd never let anything happen to her but when they took her away from me, and I wasn't sure I was going to see her ever again… that was the most frightened I've ever been in my life." Fin bit his lip for a moment, ignoring the instinct that was yelling at him to take her in his arms and hug her and comfort her.

"Olivia, I get that. Trust me, I get that. But you gotta understand that they took her away from me too. I was in that room, and I watched that bastard walk out with my daughter, and I had no idea what the hell he was doing to her or what. And then Adam… he took you away and... and Joseph…" For the briefest moment Olivia swore she saw tears in Fin's eyes but they were gone before she could be sure. Olivia swallowed hard as she looked up at him.

"What did he do to you, Fin?"

"Nothing," he muttered as he let out a shudder at the memory. "It doesn't matter. The point is, is that that fear you felt when they took Tina, I felt it too. I was just as terrified. I see the same things every day that you see, only now I only get to see her, and you for that matter, once a week. Every night, before I fall asleep, all I can think of is 'are my girls okay?'" Fin bit his lip for a moment, ignoring the instinct that was yelling at him to take her in his arms and hug her and comfort her. "I… Liv, I get scared for you and Tina. Ever since that first night we brought her home, I've been scared for her. Now it's even worse because I never get to see her." Olivia's face fell at Fin's admission. As far as she knew, Fin hadn't talked to anybody about what had happened in that dank basement in Jersey. The moment his arm had healed even partway he was back to work, throwing himself into his job, like he had with the first two miscarriages. He had turned to alcohol one of those times, but this time he was forcing himself to stay sober for her and Tina.  
>This was the first real time, to her knowledge, that he had opened up about what had happened to them.<p>

She had know since before they dated that Fin was a bit of a chauvinist. He was the man of the house. It was his job to protect and provide and look out for his wife and child. He knew Olivia could have just as easily fulfilled that role, and he had no issues with her taking a more nontraditional role. But in his mind, she shouldn't have to because that fell on him, simply because he was the husband and father, a burden he was more than happy to take on full force. The fact he was unable to protect his family from Adam and Joseph was killing him, a fact Olivia realized when he begged her to let Tina spend the night. Olivia took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay," she said softly. Fin narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Okay what?"

"Okay… she can spend the night." Fin grinned at her and for the second time that night hugged her and pulled her in close. "Thank you, Baby Girl," he whispered in her ear. "Thank you so much…" Olivia said nothing and simply returned the embrace. After a moment Fin released her and took a step back.

"Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee or something?" Olivia shook her head.

"I don't think that would be appropriate, under the circumstances." Fin nodded, realizing that David would be escorting her home tonight, not him.

"So do you just want me to get Tina so you can say good-night?" Olivia nodded, so Fin opened the door and called to Tina, who came running over with David at his side. "Nice statues," David said in complete honesty. "How much those Tigers set you back?"

"Couple hundred," Fin said with a shrug. "They've been in storage a few years because Olivia didn't appreciate their artistic value."

"They've been in storage because Fin didn't realize they were hideous and I didn't want them in my apartment," Olivia corrected. David chuckled as Fin looked down at Tina. "You wanna say good night to Mommy?" Tina nodded before she walked over to Olivia who kneeled down so she was eye level.

"You be a good girl for Daddy, okay?"

"I will."

"And if you're scared, or you wanna come home, Daddy will call me, and I'll come get you, okay? And even if you don't wanna come home, you can call just to talk no matter what time, and we can talk." Tina nodded again before Olivia reached out and hugged her. "I love you, Tina," whispered Olivia, her voice cracking at the last word."

"I love you too, Mommy." Olivia held on for a few moments longer before she pulled apart from her daughter, wiping her eyes as she stood up. "Have a good night, Sweetie. Daddy'll drop you off tomorrow after dinner." Olivia turned towards Fin and nodded towards the bulging bag of candy. "Make sure you check every piece before she eats any of that."

"I know, Liv. I got it.

"No apples or homemade stuff either."

"I know." Olivia took a deep breath before she turned towards David who's heart was breaking for her. "You better call me the instant she wakes up in the morning," she warned.

"No, Liv," Fin said, shaking his head slowly while her jaw hit the floor. How dare he refuse a request like that? "Listen, if she misses you, fine. I'll let her call, but you have to trust me. Unless there's some dire emergency, which there won't be," he added quickly when he saw the horrified look on her face, "I won't call. This is how divorced people handle custody; whoever has the child is in charge. I'm not going to check in with you every five minutes." Olivia wanted to tear into him with everything she had, ripping the flesh from his bones, but she couldn't for one simple reason: he was right. She was going to have to let go of Tina at some point.

"I hate your for this," she said low enough that Tina couldn't hear her, but her voice was dripping with venom.

"I know," Fin said calmly. She clenched her jaw and her nails dug into her palms so hard, she was sure she was going to draw blood, but she swallowed it.

"You ready to go?" David asked, gently taking her arm before lost her composure and threw a punch. She said nothing, but allowed him to pull her away from Fin. He turned towards Tina and smiled down at her.

"Have fun tonight, Tina," David said before escorting Olivia out.

"I will," she assured him with a smile. The two grinned at one another for a moment longer before David's attention turned towards Olivia, and Tina's towards Fin. "Let's go, Daddy." Olivia watched as Tina took Fin's hand and led him into their apartment with Fin shutting the door behind them. The moment Tina was out of sight Olivia felt that familiar pain in her chest that happened every time Fin took Tina. David stood in front of her, blocking her view from the closed doorway. "You okay, Liv?" David asked gently.

"I need to get out of here," she said, her voice cracking as she did so. David took her into his arms, and held her close, expecting her to cry on his shoulder like she had done so many times before. But she surprised them both when she pulled away, shaking her head and wiping her tears at the same time.

"I can't do this here," she told him, a slow steady stream of tears rolling down her face. "Not in front of Tina." David nodded understandably and slipped his hand into hers and led her away. Olivia remained silent the entire way home, torn between fury and grief.  
>When they entered her apartment, David disappeared into the bathroom and Olivia into her bedroom.<p>

Olivia removed the silver crown and pink gloves, letting them fall to the floor. After that she kicked off the pink flats and stocking before she took off the ball gown skirt and corset, replacing it with a black tank and a pair of black pajama pants. As she went to put the jewelry back into her jewelry box, there was a timid knock on the door.

"You doing okay?" David, now dressed in a simple white T-shirt and jeans and wiping the remainder of his makeup off, asked as he walked into the room. Olivia shrugged as she sat down on the bed. "I didn't think I'd miss her this much," she admitted. "I mean, I knew I was going to miss her but…" Tears flooded Olivia's eyes once more. She shook her head before she turned towards David. "I don't think I can handle this."

A sob ripped past her throat and David held out his arms to her. She ran to him the way her own daughter ran to her when she skinned her knee. He ran a hand through her curls, whispering softly that everything would be okay, that Tina was fine, and that Olivia would see her tomorrow. As David whispered to her, Olivia realized it wasn't his comforting words that brought her relief. It was David's mere presence that soothed her and calmed her down so she could actually function when Tina wasn't right beside her.

"So, do you think Tina will mind if I crash in her room tonight?" David asked Liv as her sobs subsided. Olivia laughed at the mental picture of David wrapped in Tina's pink comforter, trying to sleep on her tiny bed.

"I'm sure she'd be fine with it, but you might be more comfortable in here," she replied. David put just enough distance between them so that he could see her eyes. He was searching her face for any clue as to what she meant by her statement.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm not asking you to tear my clothes off, throw me on the bed, and screw me silly. All I'm asking is if you want to sleep here, in my bed, with me," she rephrased. Still David said nothing. He started to, but he couldn't seem to find the right words. "I don't want to be alone tonight," she whispered softly.

"Then you won't be," he said finally. He kissed the top of her head, and the two of them crawled into the bed she once shared with Fin. He was surprised when she rested her head on his chest instead of her own pillow. He smiled into the darkness, stroking her hair idly. In his mind, this was close to perfect.

In his arms, Olivia felt safer than she had felt since before the attack, and at the same time, she felt something stirring deep in the pit of her stomach that she thought Adam and Joseph had destroyed permanently. Her fingers curled against the soft cotton of his shirt, and she started to lay soft kisses on the thin material that bore the same musky smell as his aftershave.

David's brow furrowed in confusion at the intimate act. He wasn't sure what signals she was trying to send, but he knew he sure as hell didn't want to stop her. She tilted her head towards him, and with only the city lights peeking through her curtains, he could see her brown eyes filled with desire, but also seeking permission. The hand that had been stroking her hair now rested on her back. She slid up closer and leaned over him, kissing him in a way that communicated what she wanted without having to ask for it.

David didn't moved a muscle, afraid that any movement or word would break whatever spell she was under. And yet, like any man, his cock was already starting to swell in anticipation. When she swung her leg over to straddle him, he knew, without a doubt that she was thinking exactly what he was.

"Are you sure?" he asked, once she finally released his lips. He let his hands fall to her waist, lingering over the elastic band of her pajama pants. Olivia bit her lip and gave him a sly smile as she slowly nodded. David sighed in relief as he rolled them so he was on top. His groin was tightening painfully, but he wanted this to last. He ran his fingers through her hair, fanning it around her on pillow, studying every inch of her face before he leaned in to capture her lips again.

She moaned into his mouth softly, pleading for more. He hands found the hem of her shirt, and he slipped under it, caressing her back, skin to skin. Olivia was beyond want; she needed him in a way she had accepted was part of her past. Her legs slid apart of their own volition, and he settled between them as if he had belonged there the entire time.

Gently, he broke the kiss and trailed to the spot behind her ear that he was an expert at finding. Olivia gasped as he made contact, thrusting her hips upward, connecting with the tip of his clothed erection.

"David," she breathed. "God, David..."

"Shhh...I've got you..." he whispered in her ear, but Olivia was beyond coherent thought. All she knew was that she needed him...badly. She clawed at the material covering his back. Well, fine. If she wanted more skin, she could have it, as far as he was concerned. He ripped the T-shirt from his body and went right back to nibbling her neck. Her hands traced the muscles along his back gently at first, the twisted into claws as she dragged her nails back down. At the same time, his hands moved from her back to her front, mapping every bump and dip in her soft skin. He pushed the material of her tank top up, and she rose just enough for him to slip it off completely.

"Ohhhhh...David..." she moaned as his hands returned to her heated skin once again.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered, softly stroking her sides where her breasts started to swell.

"No, please don't stop..." she begged. He responded by grazing her breast lightly, causing a shiver course through her. Her soft skin rippled into goosebumps under his fingers as he delicately and expertly manipulated her flesh. She arched into him, struggling to pull her body closer to his. Olivia's head was spinning with the delicious sensations his touch was creating. He was like a maestro, playing her body like an exotic instrument, carefully adjusting his touches so that her voice would create the tune he wanted. She felt the fabric around her waist loosen and slide lower on her body, and only then did it register that he was undressing her lower half.

David couldn't believe how open she was tonight. He hoped he wasn't taking advantage of her; that her increased sexual appetite was a result of healing and not because she was looking for something to fill the void of leaving her daughter with Fin. But she wasn't looking for a way to forget about Tina. She was reclaiming a piece of her soul. David's hand grazed the inside of her ankle, sliding over her calf, and just as he approached her inner thigh, her hand launched at his with lightning speed.

"Not there," she said, still breathless. "You can touch me anywhere you want, but not there." He wracked his brain, trying to remember if there was anything he should know about her, but couldn't dare ask. He moved his hand to her outer thigh and rested it on her hip before her remembered - she had been branded on her right thigh.

Olivia could barely bring herself to look at the hideous pattern of scars on her thigh; there was no way she would let any man near them. And David respected this, continuing his detailed exploration of her skin, with the exception of that one place. Olivia knew he couldn't see the scars in the darkness, but he didn't need to feel them. They didn't belong on her body, and the way they felt disgusted her, even on her own fingers.

But Olivia was remembering how it felt to be in the arms of a man, how his rock hard body felt against hers. He was reminding her how it felt to truly be a woman, to yield to his advances, and to be swept away in the intense emotions that ended in total bliss.

While she was lost in the sensations, David had removed his own pants and she could feel him, hard and bare poking against her thigh. She needed him desperately. She couldn't think straight anymore. All she could focus on was getting him inside her. She shifted her hips, trying to coax him to where she needed him most. Finally, his eyes locked on hers, and she could feel the head of his cock poised at her entrance.

"Oh, Olivia," he whispered, sweeping a lock of her hair away from her face. She slid her hips again, urging him to continue. He pressed forward, feeling her yield to him. Her heat encompassed him as he pushed farther into her. An incoherent moan fell from her lips as he pulled back slightly, only to slid in farther. He continued this pattern, until he was buried inside her to the hilt. He paused momentarily, savoring the feeling of being bonded to her in the most intimate way possible. He searched her face for any sign of pain or fear or distress. Finding none, he began a slow, sensuous rhythm, pushing her ever so slowly towards the edge of oblivion.

"David," she moaned as he found thrust against her G-spot, sending intense waves of ecstasy through Olivia's entire body. Ever so gradually, he picked up his tempo, creating the friction he needed desperately. His fingers found her clit, and he started a slow massage in time with his thrusting. Olivia's toes were beginning to curl, and she could feel her orgasm approaching. David knew he wasn't going to last long. The brunette underneath him had occupied his fantasies off and on for well over a year, and it was more incredible than he ever imagined it could be.

"David!" she cried as her synapses fired all at once, shuddering in pleasure as she reached her climax. He felt her tighten around him, pulling him farther into her body, and that was enough. He reached his own climax right behind her, thrusting softly as he finished, groaning in blessed relief. He didn't pull out right way; rather, he stroked her cheek softly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. Olivia thought for a moment. Whenever she had tried to have sex in the past after the attack - either with him or Fin - she could never get to the point where she could just let go and experience it fully. And this time she had.

"I'm good," she said, with the most genuine smile he had ever seen from her. It was that smile that made him believe her as he slipped out of her, wrapped her in his arms again, and fell asleep with her head resting on his chest once more.

He wasn't going to lose her this time.

**_I think this story may be coming to a close in the next few chapters. Don't fret, though, Bellatrix wannabe89 and I have a sequel planned. When you see the end, you won't be able to resist Part 2!_**

**_Love it? Hate it? Review it!_**


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

When Fin returned withTina the next day, he was surprised when David answered the door. From behind the figure in front of him, he heard the melodious giggle of Olivia.

"Hi, Fin," she said, trying to suppress the sound, pulling David away from the door.

"David!" Tina exclaimed, running towards him, throwing her arms around his leg. David, having learned his lesson after Olivia told him about Tina's nightmare. "Are you here to play Oz with me?"

"So, how was she last night?" Olivia asked, turning her attention away from David and Tina.

"Fine. Oh, before I forget, here's her candy. I kept some of it at my house for when she visits, but the rest is here," Fin said.

"Thanks, Fin. I guess we'll see you next week," Olivia said as she started to close the door.

"Oh, and um, Olivia? How long have you been sleeping with David?" His eyes bore into her, daring her to deny it. Her eyes widened in shock.

"That is none of your business," she spat.

"So you are sleeping with him. Even though you're still married," Fin challenged. Olivia stepped out into the hall, pulling the door closed behind her.

"Whether or not we're sleeping together is none of your business, Fin. We're separated, moving towards a divorce," she argued. "And might I add that we would already be divorced if you would just accept the fact that I don't want to be married to you anymore!"

"You agreed to 6 months, Olivia!" Fin yelled. "We still have 2 months on that agreement, and I come here to drop Tina off, and find you...with...with...some guy you barely know."

"I'm moving on, Fin. That's what you've wanted me to do all along, isn't it? Put the past behind me and get on with my life?" she challenged.

"Yes, I wanted you to move on, but I wanted you to give us a chance to make our marriage work. I didn't expect you to jump into bed with someone else. Look, Olivia, you needed space, and I get that. I wanted us to have those 6 months to fix it," he said. He took her hands into his. "We've lost 3 children, and survived. We've already been through more hardship than most couples ever have to deal with. I thought...I thought we were invincible, but now...Jesus, Liv, I don't know." When she looked into his eyes, she saw the pain that he had been carrying around for months now, but she also saw the love that he had carried for her since Sealview.

"I don't know what to say, Fin. I don't know how to make it right anymore," she told him.

"Just answer one question. Are you in love with him?" His heart hammered. He needed to know the answer. If she truly, desperately loved David, then as much as it would rip him to shreds, he would back off. Olivia has been through so much, and if this was how she was going to find happiness again, he wouldn't stand in the way. But, if there was even a glimmer of hope, he would cling to it with all his might.

"I...I don't know. Maybe," she answered. Fin breathed a sigh of relief. If she was truly in love with him, she wouldn't be so hesitant with her answer. And yet, she had hesitated. There was some part of her that still loved him, and that was the part he intended to reach, with or without the pretty boy lawyer mucking things up.

XxXxX

Fin had thought long and hard before taking this next step. Truthfully, he didn't want to do this. Hell, he just wanted to make sure his wife was making her own decisions for her own best interests, and yet, he wasn't satisfied that she was. He sighed before rapping lightly on the open door in front of him.

"Got a sec?" He asked the office's occupant. The man in front of Fin looked up from the file that had consumed all of his attention for the past few months.

"Sure. Have a seat. But first, are we here to discuss your case or Olivia?" David asked.

"Olivia," Fin said quickly. He didn't want to discuss the case. As long as Joseph Colin and Victoria Black wound up in prison, he did care how it happened.

"I understand why you want to talk about it, but I'm afraid that there really isn't much I can talk about," David told him.

"That's bunk, and you know it. Look, I don't know what's going on with her, but I asked her for 6 months so that we could try to fix our marriage, and the next thing I know, she's got you hanging all over her. I don't get it," Fin said. David opened his mouth to speak, but Fin continued. "The two of you were pretty close once upon a time, so I don't even want to know how long this has been going on. I'm just here to ask you, man-to-man, to back off and let me have one last chance with my wife."

"First of all, Olivia and I didn't start dating until after she asked you for a divorce," David began. He didn't mention the catastrophe of his first night out with Olivia because, as far as he was concerned, the only one that considered that night a date was him. "But Fin, she's made her choice. She's told you she wants a divorce, and she's trying to move on with her life. She's not the same woman she was before this, but she's still a woman, and she doesn't need to be constantly compared to her old self." Fin furrowed his brow.

"Is that what you think I'm doing to her?" he asked. David considered the question before he answered it.

"What I think doesn't matter. What Olivia thinks, does," he said. "If she wants to spend time with me, I'm not going to stop her." He paused again for a minute. "Look, Fin, I understand. You weren't ready for a divorce, and I admire your desire to fight. For the record, if Olivia decided, of her own free will, that she wanted to take another shot at her marriage, I'd back off in a heartbeat. I want the same thing for her you do - happiness."

"Just be careful. You never know when another white knight will come riding in and snatch her away from you too," Fin said. With that, he stood up and left.

XxXxX

"We gotta deal," Dana said as she barreled into David's office, tossing a fat file in front of him. "The Colin case is gonna blow up in our faces if we don't."

"What is this?" he asked, opening the file.

"The case Colin's defense attorney is planning to mount. What you have in your hands is what his defense attorney is planning to blindside us with at trial," she said, flopping into the chair across from his desk.

"Where did you get this?" David asked.

"I have friends," she replied.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got this," David said.

"It's better that you don't know. Besides, we can't use any of it anyway," she explained. David poured over the contents of the folder. She was right. If this defense worked, Colin would walk. And if it didn't, Olivia would be humiliated in open court. David rubbed his brow.

"Does Colin actually have anything he can give us?" David asked.

"Yeah. Testimony that can put Black and a dozen ringleaders in RAW away for life, but there's no way he's talking without the promise of a deal," she said glumly.

"Then we have some big decisions to make," he answered.

XxXxX

Over the next few weeks, Olivia noticed a slight change in Tina. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she seemed tired all of the time, to the point where she frequently fell asleep whenever she was watching TV. And then there was her constant requests for juice. She didn't want water; she didn't want milk; she just wanted juice. Olivia was nervous because this was how Tina usually acted just before a cold or a bought of the flu, and yet, she wasn't getting sicker. But she wasn't getting better, either.

Tina's lethargy and constant need for fluids triggered Olivia's intuition. She had a feeling, deep in the pit of her stomach that she just couldn't shake. She chided herself so many times because the rational part of her figured she was overreacting. And yet, there was this side of her that just couldn't stop protesting. Finally, more to put her own mind at ease, she decided that it was worth an hour and the co-pay to just have Dr. Tanner examine Tina. Tina put up her usual fight the whole way to the office, but Olivia managed to get her into the exam room while maintaining most of her dignity.

"Hi, Olivia. What seems to be going on with Tina today?" Dr. Tanner said with a smile.

"I'm fine!" Tina protested from Olivia's lap as she buried her head in Olivia's chest.

"She probably is fine…I just have this feeling that something's not right, and I don't know if I'm overreacting, or…" Olivia began. She realized she was babbling nervously.

"Olivia, it's ok. Mother's intuition is rarely wrong. Now, what's going on with Tina?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"She just seems…off. She's tired and cranky all the time, and yet she sleeps just fine and doesn't seem to need more naps. It's like she's at the early stages of the flu or even just having a really bad day, but it never goes away," Olivia explained as best she could. Dr. Tanner pondered this information.

"How long has she been this way?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"A couple of weeks, more or less," Olivia replied.

"Is she eating and drinking ok?"

"She barely eats, but she wants juice constantly…apple, orange, grape, it doesn't matter. As long as it's juice, she's happy. I know she shouldn't have that much sugar, but sometimes…"

"It's just easier to give in than to fight." Dr. Tanner finished with a smile.

"Yes," Olivia said with a sigh of relief. Dr. Tanner scanned Tina's medical record briefly as the information clicked away in her head.

"Has she had anything to eat or drink this morning?" Dr. Tanner asked.

"No, we were running a little late. I promised her breakfast after we finished here," Olivia said.

"Good. I'd like to run some blood work and see what we're working with," Dr. Tanner said. She had a hunch, but she wasn't going to alarm Olivia unless she had hard evidence to back up her suspicions. The instant a nurse came in with a syringe, Tina threw a fit.

"NO, MOMMY! NO NEEDLES! NO!" She cried, trying desperately to wiggle free from Olivia's grasp with no success.

"Tina, it's just a little prick. It'll be over soon," Olivia said calmly. _Look what you're doing to her. You're putting her through all this fear and pain for what? To put your own mind at ease? You're such a horrible mother_, she thought. She wanted to grab Tina, say that she had made a mistake, and run out the door. And yet, she didn't. She held her daughter tightly as the nurse drew the blood sample she needed, while Tina continued to protest to the point of screaming at the top of her lungs.

"It's ok, Tina…it's all over," the nurse said. Tina looked down at her arm, now sporting a cotton ball covered by a Minnie Mouse Band-Aid. Tina's wails fell to a few sniffles. "Dr. Tanner will be in again soon," the nurse said and disappeared. Olivia waited, rocking and soothing Tina. The longer she waited, the more convinced she was that she had overreacted, and the guilt was almost unbearable. The door opened, but the smile from Dr. Tanner's face had disappeared.

"I have the preliminary results of Tina's blood work," Dr. Tanner explained, "and we're in what you would call a good news, bad news situation. The good news is that we're across the street from Children's Hospital."

"And the bad news?" Olivia asked. Her heart dropped into her stomach, and she felt the familiar effects of an anxiety attack coming on.

"The bad news is that Tina has a blood sugar level of nineteen. Come on, I'll explain more on the way," Dr. Tanner said. Normally, she would have a nurse escort a mother to the hospital in this situation, but this was different. This family's history warranted her undivided attention. Dr. Tanner took them through a series of corridor's to the staff entrance so they didn't have to walk through a crowded waiting room.

"I had a hunch when you told me Tina wanted nothing but juice. It's a classic symptom of juvenile diabetes, and Tina's at the right age for diagnosis," Dr. Tanner explained.

"She's…_diabetic_!?" Olivia replied, horrified.

"It looks like it for now. They'll be able to confirm my diagnosis in the hospital. Now, Olivia, don't panic. With the advancement in diabetes treatment, there's no reason Tina won't live a full and happy life. My immediate concern is that her sugar should be between 40 and 110 right now, it's way below that. So, we'll get her admitted and stabilized." As they reached the front door of the hospital, Dr. Tanner could see that the blood was quickly draining from Olivia's face. She placed her hand on the small of Olivia's back and ushered her towards the front desk.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Elizabeth Tanner. I'm admitting a patient, Tina Tutuola, with severe hypoglycemia and possible diabetes mellitus," Dr. Tanner calmly told the nurse.

Hypoglycemia. Diabetes. Patient. Olivia's mind was swimming with the gravity of what Dr. Tanner had told her. She knew practically nothing about diabetes, other than it had to do with sugar and insulin.

"Olivia, can I call someone for you?" Dr. Tanner asked, jerking Olivia out of her thoughts and back to reality. She couldn't think. Her mind was desperately trying to process what had just happened this morning. She wasn't even completely aware of what was coming out of her mouth. She just said a word that later she wouldn't remember saying.

"Fin," she said quickly. "Call Fin."

"Right this way," the nurse said, escorting them to the emergency room.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

Dextrose drip. Insulin injections. Blood sugar monitoring. Hypoglycemia. Diabetes. Olivia was trying to comprehend what was happening to Tina. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved that her intuition had been spot on, or if she was terrified because her daughter now had a disease she knew practically nothing about. All she could do was stand by helplessly as emergency personnel rushed around her daughter – again.

"Olivia," a familiar voice called. She turned, and without thinking, rushed into his arms, pulling him close to her. She felt safe here. She felt like he could protect her from the horror in front of you. One arm wrapped around her possessively while the other softly stroked her hair.

"I don't want to lose her, Fin," she said. She was still too shocked to cry, but he felt her tremble with fear in his arms.

"We won't. It'll be ok, Baby Girl. It'll be ok," he said soothingly. "Did I ever tell you my sister is a diabetic?" Olivia lifted her head and looked up at him. How could she have known him all that time and not known that little fact.

"What?" she asked.

"Yeah. She was right around Tina's age when they found it. She did the sugar testing and the insulin shots and everything. Now she's some hot shot surgeon in California. Trust me, Baby Girl, we can manage this. The absolute worst part of it is going to be the needles, but she'll get used to it," he said.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?" she asked.

"Because…I never thought it would be an issue. Besides, my sister is pretty secretive about it." He paused for a minute. "What exactly did Dr. Tanner say?"

"Well, I brought her in, and I explained about the juice thing, and how she was tired and cranky. They did a blood test, and Dr. Tanner said her blood sugar was…" Olivia furrowed her brow as she tried to remember. "Nineteen?" Fin took a deep breath.

"Ok, I had planned to take her to the movies tomorrow, but I think we're going to be looking into the hospital's DVD library instead," he said. Tomorrow. Saturday. Olivia had almost forgotten entirely.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tutuola?" a friendly woman in green scrubs covered in a starched white lab coat asked, interrupting Olivia's train of thought.

"Yes? How is she?" Olivia asked, breaking the embrace with Fin and turning her attention towards the doctor.

"Please, step this way," the doctor said, escorting them to a more private area.

"First of all, I'm Dr. Finley. I'm the pediatric endocrinologist on call today," she said, shaking both Fin and Olivia's hands. "Your daughter is very sick. Fortunately, Dr. Tanner recognized the symptoms and brought her over here. We've started her on a dextrose drip to raise her sugar, and we'll continue to monitor it. Once she's stabilized, though, we're going to have to discuss treatment options following her release."

"So, she's going to be ok?" Olivia asked. Fin had an arm draped around her, trying to comfort her through touch alone. Dr. Finley smiled.

"Relax, Mrs. Tutuola. Juvenile diabetes can be severe, but there are many ways to keep it under control. What do you know about diabetes?" she asked.

"Not much," Olivia admitted.

"And you, Mr. Tutuola?" she asked.

"My sister was diagnosed when she was five, so I know something about it, but not a lot of the details," he answered.

"Ok, well, what's going on with Tina is that her pancreas isn't producing insulin. In a healthy individual, the body would naturally release insulin into the bloodstream to regulate blood sugar levels. Right now, Tina's blood sugar is dangerously low, so we're giving her dextrose, which is a type of sugar, to rapidly raise it to a normal range. Through the beauty of modern science, artificial insulin is available, so we will teach you how to monitor Tina's sugar yourself and administer insulin injections," Dr. Finley explained.

"Injections? She has a hard enough time with her regular booster shots," Olivia mused.

"There are some other options, but we'll get into that later. For right now, she's being stabilized. I'm going to have her admitted to a peds unit for a few days to make sure we have it under control. While she's here, we can talk about diet, insulin options, and sugar monitoring," Dr. Finley said. Most parents reacted this way. They didn't want to give their children daily injections. At this point, though, she didn't want to tell them if they didn't do it, Tina would die. That would come later.

"Fin…" Olivia whispered, snaking her hand towards his and holding it in a death grip. He stared at her hand in his, and then turned his gaze up towards her face, as if he couldn't believe this was happening.

"Would you like to see her?" Dr. Finley asked. And in that instant, the moment vanished. Olivia released his hand and followed Dr. Finley back to where Tina lay in a hospital bed.

"Momma…" Tina moaned.

"I'm right here, Baby. I'm right here," Olivia said, rushing to her side.

"Daddy?" she asked.

"Daddy's here, too," Fin said, perching on her bed, opposite Olivia.

XxXxX

David started to worry as he knocked on Olivia's door for the third time. Finally admitting that she wasn't home, he pulled out his phone and dialed her number.

"_Benson,"_ came a groggy voice.

"Hey, Beautiful. I was starting to worry. I knocked on your door, and you didn't answer," he told her, silently relieved that she had at least answered.

"_David, oh my God," _he heard her say, followed by a muffled statement he couldn't make out. A few minutes later, he heard her again. _"I took Tina to the doctor yesterday, and she…she was admitted to Children's Hospital," _Olivia explained.

"I'll be right there," he said, ending the call before she could get another word out. Back at Children's Hospital, Olivia stared at her phone is disbelief. She couldn't believe that she had forgotten to call David, nor could she believe his immediate reaction to race to the hospital. She ran her hand through her hair, and her eyes fell on Fin, still asleep in the chair next to Tina's bed. Even under the best of circumstances, she knew keeping Fin and David apart was in everyone's best interests, but at the moment, she was powerless to change his mind.

Fifteen minutes later, she was still debating what to tell Fin when David showed up.

"Olivia, is she ok? What's wrong?" he asked frantically. His voice finally jarred Fin from his slumber, even as Olivia raised a finger to her lips to shush him.

"What…Liv?" he asked, reaching for her hand, which she automatically pulled away.

"It's fine. Go back to sleep," she told him. Fin looked from her to David and scowled.

"No. I think I'm up now," he said. Olivia needed to get the situation under control before Tina woke up and witnessed any of this.

"Fin, stay here with Tina in case she needs something. David, hallway. Now," she said, following him out into the hall.

"Olivia, tell me what's going on. I show up for our regular Saturday date, and there's no one home. And then, when I call, you tell me Tina's in the hospital," he said, trying to stay calm.

"She's diabetic. Her blood sugar was so low they had to hospitalize her," she explained. David tried to process what Olivia was telling him.

"But she's going to be ok, right?" he asked.

"Yes, she'll be fine. The doctor said it's easily managed," Olivia explained.

"Ok, I get why you called him. He's her father, and I would hope that my ex would do the same thing under similar circumstances. What I don't understand is why you didn't call me," David said.

"It was so chaotic. I brought her in for an office visit, and then they were racing her over here, and they called Fin because he's her father. I guess I just…forgot," she tried to explain.

"You forgot? Listen, Liv, I thought that we had reached a point in our relationship where we were starting to depend on each other. I'm crazy about you, but I need to know where you stand. Am I more invested in this than you are? Again?" he asked.

"David, no! Look, I care about you. I don't know if I'm in love with you, but I can see a day where that might be the case," she pleaded. David nodded.

"Ok. You know where to reach me. When you figure out what you really want, let me know," David said. And with that, he left.

"Everything ok with Pretty Boy?" Fin asked when she returned to Tina's room.

"Not really," she answered, taking a seat again.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked. She gave him a sad smile.

"Not really," she answered again.

XxXxX

Olivia returned home at Fin's insistence after a long day of keeping Tina entertained, meeting with doctors, and exploring treatment options. Fin agreed to stay with Tina through the night, insisting that Olivia needed sleep. When she objected, he had convinced her that he would go home in the morning if she at least tried to sleep tonight. When she arrived at her front door, she found a bouquet of red roses with a card peeking out.

_Olivia,_

_I'm so sorry for my behavior earlier today. I hope this isn't the end because I think I love you. Please call._

_David_

Olivia's fury melted as she read the card. She smiled as she picked up the bouquet and carried it into her apartment, placing the flowers in a vase on the kitchen counter. Without wasting a minute, she picked up her phone and dialed his number.

"_Haden,"_ he answered.

"Hey, it's me," she said, not even bothering to hide the smile on her face.

"_You called,"_ he said, and she heard him sigh in relief. _"I thought I had lost you."_

"You didn't. I was mad, yes, but I'm not ready to call off the whole thing," she said.

"_Olivia, I'm so sorry. I was just so worried about you, and then you told me Tina was in the hospital, and I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to that little girl," _he explained. _"I'm sorry I took out all of my anger on you. So, how is she? Is she home yet?" _David asked.

"No, they're going to keep her for a few days. Fin's with her now so I can get some sleep," Olivia told him.

"_So, you're home alone?" _he asked.

"Uh, yeah. I guess I am. Well, Cindy's here," she said, reaching down to scratch Cindy's ears. He chuckled.

"_I know Cindy's great company, but would you like another human in the house? Or do you want to be alone?" _he added quickly. Olivia bit her lip as she thought a moment.

"Are you offering to keep me company?" she asked.

"_Only if you want it,"_ he said. An hour later, she and David were curled up together on the couch, with Cindy close by.

"Did you mean what you wrote on the card?" Olivia asked with her fingers laced with his.

"Which part? About how sorry I was?" he asked.

"No, that you think you love me," she clarified.

"Oh. Yeah, I did. I really, honestly think I'm falling in love with you, Detective Benson," he said, pausing to kiss her.

"I'm not a detective anymore," she corrected.

"My mistake," he said, kissing her again.

"David, I…" she tried to say.

"Shhh…this is the part where we have incredible make up sex," he said, silencing her with a deepened kiss. Forgetting about all of the other problems in her life, she allowed him to sweep her into the bedroom. He kissed and nipped and sucked on all of the right places at all the right times, and she felt a fired ignite inside her that caused her to returned everything she received. In a frenzy of sheets and clothes, the both soared to unknown heights. He played her body like a fine instrument, eliciting moans and cries from her that only fueled his passion. Slowly, torturously, passionately, she reached her peak, and she tumbled over, a name fell from her lips.

And suddenly, David stopped cold. It took her a few minutes to settle back into her body, and she realized he was staring at her as if a stranger had taken her place.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"You don't remember?" he asked.

"Know what?" she said, still breathing heavily. "Honey, that was the most fantastic orgasm I've had in…years. I barely remember my own name."

"The name you just cried out wasn't mine. It was Fin's," he said.

_**Wait, what? Next chapter, Liv makes up her mind once and for all? Which guy gets the girl? Fin or David? And get ready for the upcoming sequel…Flesh & Blood!**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

David scampered off the bed as if Olivia had turned into a venomous snake, ready to strike. He quickly pulled on his boxers and pants, picked up his shirt, and stormed into the living room.

"David, wait!" Olivia cried, fumbling to secure a robe around her naked body. David hesitated. He should leave. He should just walk out the door, finish the damn deal with Colin, and never think of Olivia Benson again. But he didn't. He turned back towards her and her panicked expression. "Will you just stop and talk to me?" He shook his head slowly.

"I want to. Believe me, I want to, Olivia, but this…us…it's all been a sham," he said sadly.

"A sham!? David, you're the first guy I haven't wanted to launch a pre-emptive attack on, let alone touched since…" she trailed off. No, she wasn't going to go there. Her voice lowered from a yell back to normal. "I want you in my life." David could see the hurt written on her bright as day. He carefully put his hands on her upper arms, wanting to take her back into the bedroom again, but he couldn't.

"Olivia, you're heart has always and will always belong to Fin," he said quietly. His heart was breaking because he really, truly did care about her.

And that was precisely why he had to let her go.

"When your daughter was sick, you called him, and I was an afterthought. And then, when I tried to help you forget about it for just a little while, my name didn't roll off your lips; his did. Maybe you aren't ready to admit it yet, but you can't put him behind you either," he told her. She wanted to speak but there were silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

"David, I love you," she whispered. He moved his hands from her arms around her, pulling her into a hug. That was what he had longed to hear.

"I want to believe you, Liv. I've waited a long time to hear you say that," he said, trying to keep his own voice from breaking. "But I think we're both lying about this relationship. I'm not a substitute for Fin, and you can't love me the same way I love you." He broke the embrace and took one more moment to stare at her for the last time. He place a chaste kiss on her forehead, trying to ignore the fact that this was most likely the last time he would ever kiss her.

"Tell Fin he's a lucky guy," David told her. And then, he retrieved his keys and wallet from her kitchen counter and walked out her front door. She wanted to stop him, but deep down, she knew he was right.

XxXxX

"…and then, the enormous head said 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!'" Fin said, lowering his voice to say the quote. Olivia leaned against the doorway of Tina's hospital room smiling as she watched Fin's retelling of the Wizard of Oz in full animation. Tina giggled, totally absorbed in her father's performance. He continued for several more minutes before Tina noticed the other person present.

"Mommy!" she yelled. Fin stopped mid-sentence and followed Tina's eyes to Olivia.

"Oh, don't stop because of me," she said emphatically.

"It's ok. She's been itchin' to see you all morning," Fin said, picking up his jacket.

"No, Daddy, stay!" Tina cried. Olivia perched on the edge of Tina's bed.

"Well, someone seems to be feeling better," she chided.

"I didn't get my Daddy Daughter Day," Tina said with a pout.

"I know you didn't, Baby, but maybe Daddy wouldn't mind sticking around for a while," she said to Tina, but she was looking at Fin.

"You sure? I mean, I don't want to intrude on your space or anything like that," he said. His heart was fluttering. Olivia was willingly giving him permission to be around both her and his daughter. Perhaps she was starting to understand that all he wanted to do was love Tina and have a friendly enough relationship with her to still raise their child.

"I'm sure. And soon, you and I need to have a grown up talk," Olivia said. Fin wasn't sure where she was going with this. As far as he knew, her "grown up talk" could very well consist of signing divorce papers, but that would wait. Not in front of Tina. "Have the doctors told you anything new?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Not really. They want to show you how to check her blood sugar, and we still need to decide if we want to go with injections or an insulin pump, but I didn't sign anything. I wanted to talk to you about it first," he explained while Olivia made silly face at Tina, prompting giggles again.

"You three spend entirely too much time around hospitals," a voice announced from the doorways.

"Uncle Munch!" Tina exclaimed. Both Olivia and Fin looked in the direction of the older man with a children's book tucked under his arm.

"Well, what can I say? Secretly, I've always had a fascination with doctors," Olivia quipped back. She rose from Tina's bed and embraced him. "It's good to see you, John, but how did you know…"

"Fin called last night. I thought maybe I should stop by and see if Tina needed to hear our special story again," he explained.

"Yeah!" Tina exclaimed from her bed.

"Go on. You two go grab some coffee. I'll stay here with her," he said. Olivia glanced back at Tina.

"Will you be ok with Uncle Munch if Mommy and Daddy leave for a little bit?" she asked.

"Yeah, but not too long," Tina said matter-of-factly.

"Then I guess we can have that 'grown-up talk' now," Olivia said. Fin followed her out of the room after kissing Tina's cheek and promising to be back soon.

The two headed for the hospital cafeteria, which was practically empty. Olivia toyed with the steaming Styrofoam cup in front of her, not sure exactly where to begin this particular conversation. Fin waited patiently for her to find the words, sipping from his own cup. He wanted to fill the awkward silence, but experience had taught him that it was better to just wait for her. She opened her mouth to speak several times, but stopped short. He knew exactly where things had gone with David, and she wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forgive her. If he didn't, then she had lost both David and him in one fell swoop.

"Olivia, what going on?" he asked, softly.

"Were you serious? When you said you wanted to try to work things out?" she asked, although he wasn't sure if she was talking to him or her coffee cup. His heart skipped a beat. He sincerely hoped she wasn't playing mind games with him.

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life," he said. She nodded and gazed out the window. "But, I thought you were happy with Pretty Boy."

"That…I don't know what I was thinking," she said. Finally, she looked at him. "It's over." Now he was even more confused.

"What happened?" he asked, suddenly dying to know what possibly reason David had given her to kick him to the curb.

"It's not important. Fin, I don't know if you can ever forgive me for everything I've done over the last few months, but when Tina got sick, I realized there was only one man I couldn't live without," she said.

"Hang on, Liv. Yesterday, you were all hung up on Haden. I have no interest in being your second choice," he said.

"You're not. David had to practically slap me across the face with it, but I've never stopped loving you, Fin. Ever," she explained.

"Could have fooled me," he said, a bit more harshly than he meant to.

"I tried to fool myself," she replied. "Look, Fin, I'm not the same person I was in February. What happened during those three days…" He hated seeing her mind go back to that dark space, but this time, he wasn't going to try to talk her out of it. She needed to revisit it, and he needed to let her. "You saw things that I am so ashamed of." She started to cry again, and he didn't move to comfort her. He just waited patiently for her to say what she needed to say, because to the best of his knowledge, she hadn't managed to do that yet. "And I know I shouldn't be ashamed of anything because I've given the 'it's not your fault' speech hundreds of times, but it doesn't make those feelings go away. You saw every single disgusting thing they did to me, and I can't figure out how you can look at me the same way."

"I didn't see everything," he said quietly. He had known since the morning of John's funeral that there was more than what he had witnessed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but he knew that she couldn't continue to carry that secret forever. Her head snapped up when she realized what he was referring to.

"I can't, Fin. Don't ask me to tell you about that," she pleaded.

"Olivia, whatever it was, whatever he did to you, it can never change the way I see you. You're still the woman I fell in love with almost six years ago. Those three days were nothing compared to how much it hurt the day you asked for a divorce or seeing you with Haden," he told her. He risked reaching across the table to grasp her hand, which she didn't resist.

"I never meant to hurt you," she whispered.

"So, what happens now?" he asked.

"Well, I _hope_ I haven't screwed up to the point where my husband can't forgive me, and maybe he's ready to accept that his wife was a little crazy for a few months," she said. He smiled slightly, and just as he was about to respond, she continued. "And that maybe…he's ready to try coming home." If Fin was the crying type, that would have done it, but he didn't. He just looked upwards and thanked God that she had had whatever epiphany brought her to this point.

"If he doesn't, I'll beat him up," he said. She nodded, smiling, and trying to fight her tears which had turned from sad to happy.

XxXxX

"Joseph Colin, you've been charged with rape in the second degree. How do you plead?" the judge asked after court convened Monday morning.

"Guilty, Your Honor," he answered.

"I understand there's a plea bargain in place?" the judge said to David Haden.

"There is. The People are satisfied that the terms have been met, Your Honor," he answered.

"Very well. As disgusted as I am by this plea bargain, based on the District Attorney's report, I have no choice but to accept it. Before I sentence you, Mr. Colin, let me say that you are probably the luckiest son of a bitch to ever set foot in my courtroom. You are hereby sentenced to fifteen years in Riker's Island. Bailiff, take Mr. Colin into custody," the judge said. "We're dismissed." He banged the gavel, and that was it. David breathed a sigh of relief. At least he had managed to spare Olivia the horrors of Colin's defense.

Across town, Olivia was blissfully unaware of the outcome of the court proceedings. Tina's blood sugar was under control, and the doctors were satisfied that both she and Fin could manage on their own, so Tina was being sent home.

"I'll see you soon," Fin said, giving his wife a chaste kiss before she headed the few blocks home with Tina at her side. He would hail a cab and pick up a few things from his apartment before returning home, and he couldn't be happier. Olivia wasn't prepared to see David sitting on her stoop when the she reached her building.

"David!" Tina exclaimed, wrenching her hand free from Olivia's and running up to him. Olivia paused.

"Hey, Sweetheart!" he said, patting her head.

"Are we going out to lunch?" Tina asked expectantly.

"Not today, Kiddo. I just need to talk to your mom for a minute," he said.

"Now isn't really a good time," Olivia said, fishing for her keys in her purse.

"It's about Colin," David said. Olivia nodded and motioned for him to follow her. As soon as they entered her apartment, she sent Tina off to her room to play so she could talk to David. "I wanted to come by and tell you personally," he said as soon as they were alone.

"When do you need me to testify?" she asked. He scratched his forehead.

"That's the thing. We don't," he said. Olivia furrowed her brow. "He flipped. He gave us Black, and we gave him light at the end of the tunnel."

"You had Black without him!" she screamed. "You had Baker's testimony, and I know she managed to get some of the mothers to come forward."

"Olivia, it wasn't enough. The only definitive case we had on her was yours, and that was going to be a stretch because you didn't test positive for her drug of choice," he said.

"So, by all means, let's let Colin have a shot at getting out of prison," she said sarcastically. "What did he plead to?" David hesitated.

"Rape 2," he said softly.

"Rape TWO? That carries a max of fifteen years, and you had him on at least half a dozen Class A-1 felonies. He should be serving out the rest of the century, but no, the almighty DA decided that fifteen years was enough for rape and torture," she said.

"Olivia…" he began.

"Get OUT. Just get out of my house," she spat. He didn't need to say anymore. He had spared her Colin's despicable defense, and even if she never knew what it was, at least he had given her that. He opened the door to leave, but before he did, he turned back to her.

"For what it's worth, we got Black on eighty-six counts of illegal abortion. Three years each. She went away for 258 years," he said. Olivia didn't care. While she was glad that Black was gone forever, she was far more afraid of Colin than Black. She had nothing more to say to David. Her expression didn't change; she glared at him as if she wanted him dead until he closed the door behind him. As David left the building, he was unfortunate enough to run into Fin dragging a suitcase out of a cab.

"Haden," Fin said, disdain dripping from his words. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Relax, Fin. I was just here on business, but we're through. This is the last you'll see of me," David replied. Fin glanced up at the windows he knew were Olivia's apartment.

"So, when do you need her in court?" he asked.

"I don't. Look, you don't like me, for good reason, so I'll let Olivia fill you in, but suffice it to say, it's over," David told him, eager to get away from this building – and her – for good. He noticed the suitcase in Fin's hand and put the pieces together. "Take care of her," he said. Fin nodded, and David headed down the sidewalk. At least her heart could heal now. All he had to do was figure out how to heal his.

Fin shrugged off the conversation and dragged his suitcase up to Olivia's…their apartment. With a sigh of relief, he pulled out his key and opened the door.

"Liv?" he called.

"Daddy!" Tina exclaimed, running out of her room. "Wait, it's not Saturday," she observed. Just then, Olivia appeared from the other room. Her eyes were red with the obvious remnants of tears. Fin broke the embrace with his daughter, suddenly concerned for his wife, especially after his earlier conversation with David Haden.

"What happened?" he asked. Olivia forced a smile.

"It's not important right now," she answered.

"Wait, what's going on? Why is Daddy here, and it's not Saturday?" Tina asked impatiently. Both Fin and Liv smiled at each other.

"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" he asked.

"Tell me what?" Tina whined.

"Tina, you're not going to have Daddy Daughter Days with Daddy anymore," Olivia said, crouching down to Tina's level. Tina's face fell, and she looked like she was ready to burst into tears. "Because Daddy's going to live here again." Tina's sadness turned to shock as she looked from Olivia to Fin.

"Is this a trick?" she asked, crossing her arms in a very Olivia-like manner.

"No tricks, Tee. See? I brought my clothes with me," he said, pointing to the suitcase. Tina raced over and unzipped the bag to see the proof for herself.

"You'd never guess that she was raised by a couple of cops," he mused loud enough that only Liv could hear.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she chuckled.

"Does this mean you're done fighting now?" Tina said, turning back to them.

"It means we're going to try not to fight," Olivia said, but the mood in the apartment had definitely changed. Even Cindy seemed to notice the lack of attention as she sat near Tina's room, observing the interaction.

The Tutuolas spent the afternoon with Tina in the park, and as she played happily with the other children, Fin kept his hand entwined with Olivia's. Olivia whipped up a quick dinner, paying careful attention to the dietician's instructions regarding what Tina could and couldn't eat, and while she did so, Fin left to fill the prescriptions Tina had left the hospital with. When dinner was almost ready, Olivia carefully took the new glucose meter out of the box and read the instructions. Feeling satisfied that she could handle this, she went to confront Tina.

"Ok, Sweet Pea, let's check your blood sugar before we eat," Olivia said. Tina, by this point knew exactly what that meant after having the nurses do it several times a day in the hospital. Her eyes went wide, and she ran.

"No! No needles!" she said, bolting under the bed. Olivia sighed.

"Come on, Tina, I know you hate it, but you don't want to go back to the hospital, do you?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not going back to the hospital, you're not sticking me with a needle!" Tina yelled from under the bed. Olivia crouched down to see Tina curled in a ball in under the far corner of the bed.

"Sweetheart, you have to come out sometime. Do I have to count?" Olivia said. Tina shook her head vehemently, but still refused to come out.

"What's wrong?" Fin asked, appearing in the doorway. Olivia held up the glucose kit, and Fin understood immediately. "Want some help?"

"If you think you can get her to come out, by all means," Olivia said, waving in the direction of the bed.

"Be right back," Fin said. She heard him rustling around in the kitchen and he returned with a plastic bag that Olivia couldn't identify. Fin crouched down to where Olivia had just been.

"Hey, Tee, what's goin' on?" he asked.

"Mommy's trying to stick me with a needle," she said, sticking her lower lip out.

"Oh, she is, is she? What if I told you Daddy knows how to do it so it doesn't hurt?" he asked.

"Nuh uh," Tina said, shaking her head again.

"I'll tell you what," Fin said. "If you let Daddy try it, you can have some gummi bears," he said, holding up the bag in his hand. Tina pouted even more at the sight of her favorite candy.

"The doctor said gummi bears make me sick!" she whined.

"Not these gummi bears. See, Tina, these are special gummi bears for kids who are sick like you and can't have sugar," he explained.

"Really?" Tina asked.

"I'll tell you what. Just to prove I'm not lying, I'll give you one now, and a few more afterwards. Deal?" he said opening the pack.

"I want a red one," Tina said. Fin wasn't even going to push manners with her at this point. Instead, he pulled out a red candy and handed it to her. She studied it intently before popping it in her mouth. Slowly, she started to crawl out from under the bed. When she was close enough, Fin grabbed her and swooped her into his arms. He set her on the bed, positioning himself so that there was no possible way for her to escape.

"Did I ever tell you about the time Uncle Munch came to work dressed in a princess dress?" he asked. Tina giggled.

"That's silly, Daddy!" Tina exclaimed. Fin took one of Tina's hands and starting to massage her fingertips to get the blood flowing. He glanced back at Liv and held out a hand. Wordlessly, she slipped an alcohol prep pad to him.

"He did! You should have seen it. I mean, picture it, Uncle Munch in a long, pink dress, covered in lace and ruffles," he said as he ripped open the package and wiped one of her fingers down. Without letting go of Tina's hand. "You know what the best part was?" he asked. Tina shook her head. He held out his free hand again, and Olivia slipped him the lancing device.

"What?" Tina asked.

"He had matching pink high heels shoes and bright pink earrings," Fin said, holding the device to her finger and pressing the button. Tina was so wrapped up in Fin's story that she barely jumped with the needle hit.

"That's silly!" she exclaimed. Fin squeezed her finger to pull a droplet of blood, and that's when Tina started to struggle.

"No, no, Daddy!" she shrieked, trying unsuccessfully to jerk her hand away. Olivia had already place the testing strip in the meter and as soon as he waved his free hand to her, she slipped it to him.

"Tina, Tina, it's ok. We're done with the needle part. All we have to do is this," he said, bringing the testing strip to her finger. He got what he needed and set the meter aside, reaching back once more so Olivia could hand him a cotton ball. He pressed on her finger and held it for a minute to stop the bleeding as the meter beeped its result.

"See? All done, and you didn't even feel it," he said. He pulled the cotton ball away, and sure enough, the bleeding had stopped. Tina scowled slightly.

"I want gummi bears," she said. Fin obliged handing her five more candies and letting her scamper out into the living room.

"132," he said turning back towards Olivia with a huge smile on his face.

"After dinner, I'm going to take Cindy for a W-A-L-K, and you're going to take care of the insulin," Olivia said.

"Coward," Fin chided.

"On this one? You bet. Let's go before dinner gets cold," Olivia said. Dinner was like old times. Tina played with more of her food than she ate, and Fin just couldn't believe that he was sharing the same table as the two of them. Even Olivia had to admit that there was a certain normalcy that had been lacking. After dinner, she dutifully took Cindy for a long walk, and when she came back, Fin had bathed Tina, given her a dose of insulin, and tucked her into bed. Olivia popped in to check on Tina, and Cindy immediately raced to Tina's bed, hopping up and making herself comfortable.

Just as she was about to leave, she heard a very soft, "Mommy?"

"Yeah, Baby?" Olivia answered.

"Don't let Daddy move away again," she said sleepily.

"I'll do the best I can," Olivia answered softly.

"I love you, Mommy," Tina said, yawning.

"Love you too, Baby," she said, blowing Tina a kiss before leaving the room to let Tina sleep. She slipped into her own room to throw on her own pajamas and brush her teeth before heading to the living room, where she fully expected to see Fin absorbed in whatever sporting event happened to be airing tonight. Instead, she saw him sitting in front of the TV, which was currently playing Gone with the Wind.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Trying to figure out why you like this movie so much," he answered. Olivia smiled.

"I don't know…there's a certain fantasy about it, you know? And the idea that two people can be so in love that it doesn't matter what they have to go through; you know they'll make it in the end," she answered.

"Kind of like us?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess," she said, chuckling. This time, she figured he just might be right about them after all, that they were destined to be as intertwined as Scarlett and Rhett.

"Oh, before I forget, Tina wasn't the only one who behaved today. These are for you," he said, tossing her a bag of regular gummi bears. "You did very well when we had to prick her finger with a needle." Olivia laughed at the absurdity, and yet it was just the sort of thing that she loved about Fin. She watched a few minutes of the movie before she realized that Fin was watching her.

"What?" she asked.

"I have a question, but I'm still trying to figure out how to phrase it," he said, reaching out to push a lock of her hair behind her shoulder.

"Just ask," she said.

"Just exactly how back together again are we?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I really, really want to kiss you right now, but I'm not sure what the rules are," he said.

"The rules are pretty simple," she said. "You're my husband, still. You can touch me however you want too, but if I say stop, you stop. I don't want to have to explain how or why the answer is no, and I don't want you to fight me on anything. The physical stuff is still really hard for me, and I need you to understand that." Fin nodded slowly, processing what she was saying. He thought he had been doing that all along, but in retrospect, he probably wasn't as respectful as he could have been. He was going to have to try harder. And then she surprised him by leaning over and kissing him. It was soft and gentle, almost as if she was searching for his acceptance. He buried his hands in her hair, savoring the feeling of her silken tresses in his fingers. He probed her lips with his tongue, and she granted him admission, rewarding him with a slight whimper. Her body instantly reacted, craving his touch everywhere at the same time, and he realized he couldn't screw up again, because he couldn't give this up again.

She pushed him back on the couch and straddled his lap, staring into his eyes that mirrored her own. He loved her, wanted her, and needed her, and he might as well have been shouting it, if his eyes could talk. She leaned in and kissed him again, pressing her body as close to his as she could. He groaned, finally feeling her respond to him the way she used to, before the horror. He trailed kisses along her jaw and zeroed in on the spot behind her ear that always had taken David a few tries to find. She let out a cry as she remembered just how well he knew her body, and how to make her world explode using nothing but his fingers.

"Fin…" she panted. She could feel his need to, as he pressed into her, tenting his pants painfully.

"Yeah?" he said, still continuing to nip and suck at her neck. His hands were on her back, still above her clothes, and yet, she needed to feel him. Now.

"Bedroom," she managed to pant. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom, laying her down gently. He peeled his T-shirt off, and settled next to her, but something caught her eye – something different. As he lay next to her, she traced the elaborate tattoo on his chest. Quasi, Tina, Taylor, Jordan, and a new name had joined – John, framed by a pair of angel wings.

"When did you do this?" she asked. He looked down where her finger was lazily tracing the elaborate script.

"Shortly after the funeral. Does it bother you?" he asked. Olivia shook her head.

"I've always thought it was sweet," she said softly. He kissed her again, rolling her from her side to her back, but not climbing on top of her. His hand skimmed her upper body as he continued to kiss her, letting their tongues dance a unique rhythm only they understood.

"You sure you want to do this?" Fin asked, breaking the kiss. He ran his hand along the length of Olivia's body, and she shuddered.

"Yes," she said, slightly breathless. "I trust you." Fin's hand dragged her pajama bottoms down and tossed them awa, and he caressed her outer thigh as he kissed her again, eliciting a sweet moan from her. His hand moved towards her inner thigh and her eyes flew open in panic.

"Wait!" she said, jerking on her oversized T-shirt to cover her lower half. Fin instantly pulled his hand back.

"What's wrong, Baby?" he asked.

"I just…I can't…you haven't…" she stuttered.

"Shhh…" he said, stroking her cheek. "Calm down. Take a breath." She took several deep breaths, and visibly calmed in front of him.

"Now, what's wrong? What made you so scared?"

"It's hideous," she said. Fin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. In his mind, he replayed his previous actions, and then he realized what she was talking about. His hand was on her right thigh, the same one

that still bore the hideous brand.

"You mean the brand?" he asked. Olivia averted her eyes and nodded, her shame written across her face.

"Honey, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is, and I promise, it won't change anything about the way I feel about you," he said.

"Fin, no," she said. "You're going to think I'm ugly."

"Olivia, I need you to listen to me carefully. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter what your thigh looks like," he said, with such an intensity that she felt her defenses slip away. "And, I would feel honored if you let me see it." His hand found hers, and he laced his fingers through hers.

"Fin…" she whimpered.

"It's ok, Liv. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to," he said softly. Wordlessly, she rolled onto her back and parted her legs slightly, twisting her head in the opposite direction so he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. Fin placed his hand on the hem of her shirt again.

"May I?" he asked before he moved it. She nodded, still clearly nervous and refusing to look at him. He slid the silk over her thighs, and his eyes zeroed in on the harsh brand. The scarring was thick and raised prominently, but in all actuality, it had healed nicely. Other than the fact that it was a swastika, it really wasn't that bad. He ran his fingers over the scars, learning the new texture of her skin.

"I told you it was bad," she said, her voice cracking slightly. He needed to put her mind at ease, and he knew that his words would fall on deaf ears. He settled between her legs and kissed every inch of the brand, worshiping her scarred skin.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, loud enough so that she could hear him. "It's a testament to how far you've come."

"Ok, now you've seen it," Liv said, closing her legs and pulling away from him.

"Do you want to stop?" Fin asked. Olivia looked back at him, puzzled.

"Do you?" she asked.

"What I want doesn't matter, Olivia. The only thing that matters here is what you want and what you're comfortable with," he said. Olivia's eyes drifted towards his pants, bearing the undeniable evidence that he was still hopelessly attracted to her.

"I'm going to ask you again: do you want to stop?" he said.

"No," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Ok, then, we don't have to," Fin told her, covering her body with his and kissing her deeply again. She pawed at the waistband of his pants, but he gently slowed her hand, wanting to savor every moment of this.

"Fin, don't take the wrong way, but can we just get this over with? Before I lose my nerve?" she asked.

"Ok, how do you want to do this?" he asked.

"Just make love to me," she said. His hand quickly found the hem of her panties and he dragged them off her. At the same time, her hand found his waistband, and she struggled slightly to get them off. Fin's hands covered her, helping her undress his lower half. He tried to pull her T-shirt over her head, but she stopped him.

"No, just…please…" she panted. He ran a finger along her core as she laid on her back, testing her readiness. Surprisingly, he found her dripping. Ok, if this was the way she wanted to do it, he would oblige. He lined himself up with her entrance and gave the slightest of thrusts.

"Hmm," Olivia said, as her face twisted in pain, and she bit down on her lips to stop herself from crying out. At the very same moment, in the next room over, Cindy's ears shot up. Her eyes darted around the room, trying to identify what had just woken her from a dead sleep.

"We don't have to do this, Baby," Fin whispered.

"No, keep going," Liv said. Fin pushed in a little farther, and her whimper became a pained grunt. This was not how he wanted this to be. He didn't want her still full of fear, and yet, he didn't know what it would do her if he rejected her. Cindy, alerted by her owner's cries, leapt of Tina's bed and barreled towards the master bedroom. She heaved her heavy body against the door to the master bedroom, and as it hadn't been latched properly, it gave way. She ran towards the bed, lowered her stance, flattened her ears against her head, and gave a menacing warning growl. Fin turned towards the dog, then back to Olivia.

"Liv, Honey, Cindy thinks I'm attacking you. You're going to have to tell her to stand down," he said, but Olivia was concentrating on one thing: staving off the flashback that was threatening to come forward and take over all rational thought.

"Come on, Liv, you've gotta do something, here," Fin said, stroking her face, trying to bring her back to reality. "Stay with me, Liv. Stay…" Cindy gave a warning bark, and before he could even turn to look at her, she flew through the air, connecting with Fin and knocking him hard on his back. She had him pinned to the bed, teeth bared, and was barking like crazy.

And the next sound he heard was laughter.

Olivia couldn't help herself. Cindy's reaction to Fin trying to make love to her was just what she needed to break the tension in the room.

"I'm glad you're laughing, but dammit Liv, call off the dog!" Fin yelled, now fully panicked.

"Cindy, release," Liv commanded. Cindy ceased her attack on Fin immediately at her owner's bequest, but planted herself on the floor where she could see everything that was going on, ready to strike should this strange man hurt her human.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked, still trying to suppress a giggle.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Fin said. "Even the damn dog thinks I'm trying to hurt you." Olivia's laughter stopped cold. All humor in the situation dissipated as she realized he had been beating himself up all this time.

"I never thought you were trying to hurt me," she whispered. "Hey," she said, when he didn't respond, reaching out to turn him towards her. "I mean that." As if to emphasize her point again, she straddle him and slowly lowered herself onto him, trying to communicate her sincerity with ever molecule of her body. She framed his face with her hands, and kissed him hotly. Her lower body rocks, and he groaned in delight, feeling her walls swallow him. It was slow and gentle and intense all at the same time. Needing more, she picked up the tempo, deepening the strokes, and causing the fire in her belly to rage. He let her do what she needed to for as long as he could stand it before he rolling them so that she was underneath him again, staying inside her the entire time.

He slowed the rhythm, staring into her eyes with such intensity she thought she might vaporize. She gasped every time she felt him his against her cervix in slow, deliberate movements, claiming her as his own again once and for all. He built her up to a peak unlike anything she had experienced. His deliberate, slow thrusts just pushed her higher and high, never quite sending her over, but she knew that when she exploded, she would see stars.

"Fin…" she panted. "Oh, God, Fin…" And yet, she just couldn't quite get where she needed him to take her. Her hands scratched at his back, trying desperately to cling to something. Finally, when he knew he was about to explode, he found her clit and rubbed it slightly off center, in just the right way to cause her to contract, screaming out his name like a banshee. He coaxed her through her orgasm, which sent him spilling into her, crying out her name. He stayed inside her, softening, while he pushed the hair back off her face.

"Wow," he said.

"Yeah. Welcome home," she answered.

XxXxX

"Get in there" the guard said tossing Joseph in the cell and locking him in. He glared at the guard then picked himself up and went up to the pale man with a shaven head who was sitting on the bottom bunk smoking a cigarette. Jospeph looked down and noticed the swastica tatoo and the "14/88" on his arm.

"Nice tats," he said with a smile.

"Yeah? What's it to ya?" the man replied.

"Hey, I was just trying to make conversation," Joseph said, holding up his arms submissively enough so that the sleeve of his jumpsuit slipped enough to allow part of his on swastika tattoo to show through, a move that did not go unnoticed by his cellmate.

"Aryan brotherhood?" he asked. Joseph followed his gaze to the tattoo.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Well, why didn't ya say so. Nicky Oleander," he said, holding out his hand.

"Joseph Colin, nice to meet you" he said after a moment, taking the extended hand. "So whatcha in here for?"

"Raping some stupid nigger bitch and her drug dealin' ape. Been in here for four years, arrested by some stupid nigger named Tutuola. You?"

"Hang on, did you say 'Tutuola'?"

"Yeah why, you know they guy?"

"Just that he's married to a filthy race traitor and has a filthy half-breed with her."

"Yeah, fucking disgusting pig" he mumbled angrily tossing the cigarette on the ground and stepping on it.

"You know, my brother and I cleansed her. Course, the law didn't see it that way. They called it rape and kidnapping."

"You kill her?" he asked as casually as he might have been asking about a television show.

"No, cops raided the place before we had the chance. They gunned down my brother in the process," Joseph said. Nicky nodded in understanding. "I got fifteen years in here, but as soon as I'm out, I'll make sure that bitch pays for what she did to my brother. And this time, I'll make sure I finish the job."

**End Book 1**

_**Well, that's it…for now. Stay tuned for the sequel, Flesh & Blood. Will Joseph follow through with his threats? And what *exactly* was this defense that Haden wanted to protect Liv from so badly? All this will be answered an more in Flesh & Blood.**_

_**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**_


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